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The Year of Living Dangerously
Life for Rent
Note: This volume has been edited beyond recognition.
Monday October 27, 2003
Shirley called last night. We talked about a few bits of nonsense, including the latest "wingman" episode.
An uneventful day. Lunch again at Taco Bell with Shirley. I invited Pseudo-professor Robert along. At one point, we were discussing the tube. Pseudo-professor Robert asserted that I need to watch the tube so I would have conversation material when chatting up babes. I said that I cannot tolerate the tube at all. Shirley asked what would happen if I had a babe who watched the tube. I said that it was unacceptable. This went on for a while.
I have begun my new transformation today incorporating principles from the Sharma book. I attempted to become cognizant of my thought patterns. From there, I attempted to filter out everything superfluous and focus only on one thought. I also succeeded in using "Opposition Thinking." Any negative thoughts were quickly dismissed or replaced with something more positive. During the course of the day, I could not believe the number of negative thoughts that entered my mind, mostly all a reaction to inconsiderate chimps. I also tried to focus my thoughts on what I perceive to be my passion in life. This one has me stumped. I have always been a jack of all trades, but a master of none. That's the way I like it. Most of what I considered "passions" have either been incorporated into my lifestyle (e.g., the gym, etc.) or have become dormant. So, I have to think about this. Well, I was in good spirits for the whole day as a result. However, I was tested by the sinister kahuna in the end, and I failed. As I walking home from the gym, there was a sudden outburst of heavy rain. I tried to stand under a tree, but it was one of those trees which the idiotic owner had lopped off the top. So, I ran home. I was sopping wet. Moms said, "Why are you walking in the rain? You're all wet." I lost it. Now, I'm back to Square Zero.
I cannot grovel in the past. Tomorrow is a new day. I will try harder. I will reflect on the folly of my ways tonight, and I will review the next series of step to incorporate into my transformation process.
Tuesday October 28
I have a slew of reports to complete as part of my duties as program coordinator at the Asylum. Sometimes it seems so mundane, but I forget that I put in even less hours now. Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it? However, I will be working year-round now, just like any other salaried wage slave. Glen was at the gym today. We ended up at Jamba Juice afterward. We drank our smoothies outside and chatted for a while. I saw Pseudo-professor Dorothy in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. It looks as though she has decided not to sell the condo unit at least until April. I will just assume that she had second thoughts. Oh well. I have 103 AWUs sitting in three investment accounts, and I have no idea what to do with it. I am a little disappointed with this latest turn of events. The only way I am going to be able to afford a place now is if I have a two-income family. I will find another way.
So far, my transformation has been moderate. I am intercepting a lot of the negative feelings. Toward the end of the day, I slipped back into my old ways. I was walking home from the gym and almost every idiot driving nearly ran me over. I wanted to enjoy my walk, but I essentially ruined it for myself. Idiots just can't help being idiots. So, Square Zero again. Tomorrow, I have decided to make the most major transformation of all. As part of the "live like this is your last day" philosophy goes, I am going to be more gregarious, almost to the point of hamming it up. I will test this out at both campuses. This should be fun. I really should have no problem with this since I have no fear of public speaking. It's essentially the same thing. Then, I will take this one step further.
I realized one thing after I slipped up. I have been blessed with a lot of good fortune. The greatest one of all is my seemingly eternal youth. Most of the people my age are slobs. They are on medication. There is no vitality in their step. Their shoulders are stooped over because of the immense burden of life they carry. I am living the life of a 30-year-old because I look that age. I listen to House Music. No one my age likes House Music. I am healthy and physically active. I go to the gym every day. I had an active social life until Summer ended. My life is really an adventure. I am on the move all day long. Sure, it's not that exciting, but it's still an adventure. I've got to enjoy it while I can. Aside from a babe, what more can I ask for?
I have decided not to sell my beloved Orion telescope. I will sell the lousy equatorial tripod and purchase a sturdy plain tripod. That's all I need for a short-tube telescope anyway. My Bose Acoustic Wave is still one of my favorite possessions. I have to listen to House Music, right? I still have to make an appointment with the dentist. I also must make an appointment for an eye exam. I want to get some new stylish glasses so I can impress the babes. Just kidding! I just need to get my life in order.
Wednesday October 29
I didn't mention that I had to buy a bottle of Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon the other night. I didn't get hammered, although I wanted to. I do enjoy a nice glass of wine, though. Some of my old fears are still as strong as ever. Growing old and not finding a babe are two of my greatest concerns. I am trying my best to block out anxieties about the future and deal only with the present. However, this has been a difficult task. With so little time left, it's hard not to worry. I have to increase my mastery over my mind. I know that it's possible, but it will take a lot of work. I've been thinking about a lot of stupid stuff lately. Buying a house. Buying a new car. I am not sure why I am thinking about this. Most likely, this is an aftershock due to the collapse of the monk life-style. Or, I could foolishly be thinking that I could attract babes with these "paraphernalia." Sheesh!
An uneventful day. I did not do the full implementation of my plan to be more gregarious, but I am putting on a decent performance. Nonetheless, I feel a lot better. Shirley and I ate lunch at Taco Bell again. Mainly, it's just an excuse for us to hang out. She told me about her irritating evening at work. I had a few anxiety attacks during the day. It is becoming increasingly difficult to control them. I am unable to maintain any focus. My mind constantly wanders. However, I do know what preoccupies my thoughts for most of the day. This is the cause of the problem. Can you guess what it is? I have been effectively intercepting bad thoughts, which is a major step for me. I will spend the evening reviewing more points in Sharma's book and prepare to increase the scope of my transformation tomorrow. Lastly, I noticed that more gray hairs are spouting on the oversized cranium. I am definitely running out of time. I feel like Cinderella, rushing home before the magic spell ends at midnight.
Thursday October 30
My mind continues to be filled with random thoughts. I have no focus. All of these thoughts are more like noise. No wonder I feel as though I am going berserk. However, I am making gradual progress with my attitude adjustment. I am still surprised at the sheer number of bad thoughts that pop up in my mind. And, when I let my guard down even for a moment, these thoughts are quickly verbalized. I am now reading the Sharma book daily, cycling through the sequence of chapters over and over again. This will be the only way that I can integrate all of the concepts. I realize that I have discovered many of these principles on my own. However, I have never taken an integrated and balanced approach. I fixate on one aspect and neglect everything else. That's what happened during the monk years.
The Asylum lua'u is the big event everyone is looking forward to. One of my students, Ryan, is doing the the music for it, so a lot of the other students are going. I will be going as well. It will be held at the Bishop Museum in a couple of weeks. Kevin and his wife are going, but only if I go. Ernie will go only if I go. Sounds familiar, eh? That's why I will be there. Some of the guys want to get drunk before going. I can't say that I blame them. I may join them. Sheesh! Glen was at the gym today. We ended up at Jamba Juice afterward. He may also go to the lua'u.
When I returned home, I was privy to see moms pouring bleach and all kinds of other chemicals down the kitchen sink. The drain was clogged again. The fumes were so bad, I thought I was going to keel over. This crap keeps going on and on like a bad sitcom. Now you see why I don't say anything anymore. In fact, I have said three words in the whole month. It may be a welcome relief to see the Ninja Turds move back. That would be incentive for me to move on immediately. However, for the time being, this inconsistency in my life may impede my progress to transform myself.
Sinister Kahuna Day 2003
This was day of tests for me. I discovered that the new academic coordinator for my department at the Diploma Mill is an idiot. I was assigned an afternoon class for the Spring term when I was told that it was a morning class. I have already made the adjustments to my schedule at the Asylum. I was in a bad way. Frankly, it was really difficult to keep from losin' it. In addition, my anxieties were at a peak because I had no plans for the weekend. Shirley and I ate lunch at Taco Bell again. Well, I ended up at Barnes & Noble tonight. I had a good time by myself, although I was feeling like a real loser for about an hour. When I returned home, I discovered that moms was waiting up again. What is the problem here? It is plain to see that the tests will increase as I try to further improve myself. This is going to be one long ride.
Yes, I can truthfully say that I came close to the edge while I was at Barnes & Noble. If it weren't for an extremely humorous book that I found, then I would have probably ended up in a padded cell. However, I did manage to keep up a good front. Pseudo-professor Tony also called and chatted for a few minutes. That also seemed to help. I have less than a month before I notch up another year in age. So far, negligible progress. I will have to keep reading the Sharma book. Tomorrow, I may purchase that humorous book I found. I need a really good laugh right now.
Saturday November 1
I neglected to mention the real stupidity of yesterday. A major coup made up of Asylum staff members launched an offensive yesterday against the new Dean. The coup is being spearheaded by Roxanne, the fat hog financial aid director. She has very close ties with Roach as do many of the other staff. Ernie told me about this yesterday. Needless to say, the coup is working to rid the Asylum of the three of us under the Dean as well. So, right now, I am not sure how long I will be in my new position.
I woke up with more pangs of anxiety. It is getting harder to combat. I am relying upon the principles of Sharma's book even more so than the Good Book. I need to learn to focus more and filter out all of the extraneous noise. This is a very difficult task, given that almost all of this "noise" affects me directly in an adverse way. All of my other problems are extremely stressful and threaten my livelihood.
I did my usual tanning hike up Koko Head. Then, I took a bus to Ala Moana. I did my usual Ala Moana and Waikiki beach rounds. I hung out at Waikiki Beach for a while today. I observed all of the people, particularly the babes. I made quick estimations of the babes' ages, and now I have come to the conclusion that I will be single for the rest of my life. I am not attracted to babes in my age group. Actually, most of the babes in the thirty-something group were not looking too good either. This is very distressing.
I quickly went to the gym when I returned home. The Ninja Turds were visiting. There was a friendly older babe at the gym. However, I could not see if she had a ring because I never wear my dork glasses when I am in the gym. Too bad. She was kind of a hottie. When I returned home, I discovered that my bro was there. He ended up fixing the kitchen faucet. Tony called. He wanted to go to a movie tonight. I said that I'd let him know. Actually, I was in the mood to drop back some cheap booze. I called up Pseudo-professor John to say hello. He's been busy with Fantasy Football. He also told me that he's been playing on-line chess a lot. I ended up at Kahala Mall again. Shirley called while I was at Barnes & Noble. She was on her way to Ramona's place. She's spending the night and going surfing tomorrow. Shirley has become quite obsessed with surfing. That's all she thinks about. I'm not sure if I will end up trying it. I can't see it becoming a passion for me. I bought a bottle of Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon before I returned home. I need a drink!
Sunday November 2
A few weeks have passed since I originally decided to make some changes in my life. So far, I am making little progress in anything. The only exception is the transformation process itself (using Sharma's principles). I am expending a lot of energy on focusing my mind on the present only and to intercept negative thoughts and bad feelings. According to Sharma, it will take one month to train the mind with this new habit. As a result, the recent adversity in my life has not affected me much. The only chink in the armor is the babe situation. Another concern is the the Big Five-O. I am trying to remove my mindset about what I perceive to be the end of the line. Hence, each and every waking moment is precious. I live in the present, even though I am not doing anything exciting. I force myself to go out on my seemingly useless excursions, only because I do not want to regret wasting the day in a coma. I learn something new and see new things when I am out. I am keeping myself busy, but not as a distraction. I plan to increase the breadth and scope of my excursions.
I left before noon on my usual excursion. While I was waiting at the bus stop, I saw that there was smoke coming from the far side of Koko Crater. Within minutes, flames shot up along the side of the crater. I could see about three hikers climbing the trail to the top. Once turned around and was descending as the flames moved closer to the trail. Things must have really got out of hand after I boarded the bus. Within minutes, there was smoke everywhere. As the bus passed through Waikiki, I could still smell the smoke. I got off at Ala Moana and did my usual beach rounds. On the bus trip back to Waikiki, I chatted with Justin, the Diploma Mill student who caused me a lot of grief a few months ago. Things are fine now, and we laughed about the past. From Waikiki, I took a bus to Kahala Mall and bought a smoothie from Jamba Juice. I caught the tail end of a piece by the Honolulu Youth Symphony, probably the only classical performance I will see in the foreseeable future. I ended up at Barnes & Noble again. The place was full of hotties including some of the employees. Man, I should submit my application to work there. Sheesh!
Okay, so I am working actively to change my mindset. I am also fully aware that I am going to be single for the rest of my life. No matter what anyone says, there will be no babe for the ol' lavahead. Essentially, I am now learning what Pseudo-professors Paul and Jim already know — how to live life alone. Now I see why they had no answers about acceptance and resignation. It just happens, and there's nothing that can be done about it. Life goes on. Pseudo-professor Robert is working on a new babe. She's a writing instructor at the Diploma Mill. She is apparently a hottie. She's been at his karaoke parties. And, she's been at a jam session coordinated by him. She plays the guitar and homeboy has been learning to play the bass. The real problem is that he is trying to befriend her first before making the move. We'll see what happens.
Monday November 3
Last night, I took a walk through the park to survey the scene of the fire. The top of Koko Crater was still burning. The smoke was extremely thick as I walked up toward the rifle range. Most of the base of the crater was still burning as well. There was a steady stream of cars driving through the park. The fire department set up a mobile base station near the restrooms. I was choking on the smoke, so I left. All I could think about was the babe situation. Why am I such a fool for babes?
An uneventful day. Shirley's morning class was canceled, so she came to visit me at the Asylum. We then ate lunch at Taco Bell. She said that she talked with Shorty. She is not sure if Shorty will come back during the Thanksgiving break. Shorty's B-day is two days before mine. Shirley told her that I wanted to get drunk with her again. I had to laugh. Sheesh! I had to re-activate my PayPal account for some strange reason. It's working now, so I will be able to sell a few more useless junk.
I am making slow but sure progress with my transformation. It has been hard work to make the changes. I continue to read the Sharma book daily. I am still seeking a passion in life. Pseudo-professor Robert suggested that I learn to play the keyboards. Actually, I've always wanted to learn to play that instrument, particularly the ones with extensive synthesizer capabilities. I have other interests that I am also willing to pursue. Well, time is running out, so I need to take action.
Tuesday November 4
Another uneventful day. There were many negative things going on today which really brought my mood level down. In fact, I was just an inch short from going on a violent rampage. Yet, I controlled myself and tried as best as I could to filter out the negative aspects of the day. Working out at the gym really seems to help out. Glen has been slacking off lately. He seems to be losing interest. He is giving in to his vices like smoking and eating junk food. We ended up at Jamba Juice afterward. I dropped my beloved cell phone and really scratched up the case. The express bus was extremely late, so I did not make it home until late. I almost did not go to the gym in Hawai'i Kai for my cardio workout, but thought better of it.
I also lapsed into a moment of weakness today. I was thinking about the babe situation. Why can't I get real and face the facts? I am destined to be like Pseudo-lifeforms Paul and Jim.
Wednesday November 5
I have entered the political fray at the Asylum. I am now doing damage control for the Dean, and I am trying to neutralize the weaker opposition forces. I chatted with Lisa, the student services director (and Roach supporter), in an effort to begin winning her over. She's actually kind of a babe, so we probably need to keep her around. I skipped out of the faculty meeting so I could have lunch with Shirley. We ate at 2Go Korean BBQ. Lunch was both delicious and filling. My classes at the Diploma Mill were a riot today because I have been employing and preaching these new positive thinking techniques, courtesy Sharma.
Pseudo-professor Robert did not look too good today. He said he was tired because he met with a few people last night to plan for the next jam session. He wants to start up a band. The whole purpose, of course, is to recruit Pseudo-professor Angela. I believe that he lapsed back into depression because he knows he's repeating history, one that I know all too well. He showed me baby's Web site. There was a picture of her. Yeah, she's a real hottie. You can imagine the intense pressure this creates. In addition, homeboy is not altogether prepared for this opportunity. He's still living at home with moms. He has no dough saved. It's not looking good, but he's hooked. It's going to eat him alive, just like it did to me. Is he deliberately trying to lead a parallel life to my own? One has to wonder.
Thursday November 6
I spent the morning in a variety of small meetings at the Asylum. I seem to be making some progress. Glen was at the gym. We ended up at Jamba Juice afterward. He says that he wants to take up surfing, so I still may end up doing it myself. I chatted with Pseudo-professor Robert in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill late in the afternoon. He said that Pseudo-professor Angela is "too self-absorbed." He apparently asked her to lunch, and she gave some kind of feeble excuse. He also mentioned that there was an even younger hottie working at the Legal Aid Society. He senses that she's interested in him. I told him to go for it.
I am inclined to believe that the babe situation is going to be my demise, as it will be for Pseudo-professor Robert. We are in a very precarious situation. Not even the Sharma book can help us here. Homeboy and I discussed acceptance and resignation, and I know that neither of us will be able to implement that. We are truly doomed. For me, it seems as though I have painted myself into a corner. I am already alone. Aside from my mortality, living in loneliness is my greatest fear. Not even the Sharma book can help me with this one. Psychologically speaking, I believe that these fears are the source of the problem. They are all-encompassing, which is probably why homeboy and I are grasping at straws to find solutions. Finding a young hottie is not the real answer, but it does seem to remotely address those fears concurrently. In addition, both of us are fighting the biological imperative. There is almost no way to effectively combat that.
The Sharma book (along with Frankl's and Covey's books) has really helped to bring me out of the doldrums. However, it cannot help with a situation that is rapidly spiraling out of control. The only contingency is to find a suitable substitute for the the void. The problem is that the substitutes are short-term fixes. As long as I am of sound mind, I will be cognizant of the substitution. I cannot trick my own mind. Things get even more complex because we are also dealing with biology. Frankly, my friends, I really don't know what's going to happen anymore.
Friday November 7
An uneventful day. I had a difficult time keeping myself in a positive frame of mind. Shirley and I went to Jamba Juice for lunch. When she first saw me, she said, "You cut the top. I told you not to cut the top!" Actually, she was almost yelling. A few days ago, she told me not to cut the hair on top of the oversized cranium, just the sides. I got a haircut yesterday, and I cut the top shorter. We had a pleasant conversation while we sat outside and drank our smoothies. At one point, I was telling her my woeful tales. "You're a good looking guy, but you don't want any of the babes who are interested in you," she interjected.
I ended up at Kahala Mall tonight. My final destination was Barnes & Noble. I called Shirley to see if she wanted me to watch her game tonight. She was unsure of the location, so I will do that next time. I spent my time looking at a few keyboard books. I am interested in learning how to play that instrument. I need something challenging to take my mind off of baby. On the way home, I stopped off at Foodland to pick up a bottle of Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon. I need a drink!
Saturday November 8
I did my usual tanning hike up Koko Head. Then, I departed for town. I did the usual Ala Moana and Waikiki beach rounds. I also walked to Daiei. I went shopping for the elusive keyboards. I ended up at Kahala Mall. I bought a smoothie at Jamba Juice. I happened to find a small selection of keyboards at Radio Shack. Some guy was jammin' on one of them. It sounded really good. If I purchase one, I will probably get a portable keyboards. My beloved iBook is not able to handle the any of the MIDI processing. It's just too limited in speed and hard drive space. That's okay because I do not want to put more wear-and-tear on my computer. After I returned home, I walked to the gym. After dinner, I went to back to Kahala Mall. I wandered around and ended up at Barnes & Noble for the evening.
My usual trek around the creation yielded some interesting insights. For the most part, I see people simply killing time. There are a lot of homeless people hanging out at the beaches. They seem to spend all day sleeping. The regular people are just cruising around. Why is no one else concerned that they are just wasting time? I am coming to the realization that I am the only one who apparently sees life as a ticking clock. That's not to say that I'm a psycho. I just have different priorities. I have been trying to compile a list of things that I want to accomplish very soon. Here is what I have so far (read: Plan B):
That should keep me busy for now. I have boxed my Orion telescope. I'll probably sell the whole thing. Shirley called. She told me a little about her game last night. She went shopping for a surfboard, too. She still does not have enough dough to buy one. Shirley is obviously the only true friend that I have. No one else ever calls. Or, perhaps, I am just not that good a friend. Well, I will spend the rest of the evening checking out keyboards. And, I will also partake of the remaining vintage.
Sunday November 9
Sometimes I think that I would be better off if I just bought a tube or a gaming console. Then, I could just spend all day in a useless stupor. Nothing else would matter. I didn't sleep well last night. I was thinking about all the dough I will spend on portable keyboards. Then, I realized that it's peanuts. I have gotten so used to my miserly ways from the monk years. Learning to play the keyboards will be good. It will keep me from becoming senile. I've been spending way too much time on the AskMen Forums.
Monday November 10
An uneventful day. Shirley and I ate lunch at Taco Bell as usual.
Moms is spending the night at the Ninja Turds because she has to "baby-sit" my nephew tomorrow. I left for Kahala Mall after dinner. I bought a keyboards book at Barnes & Noble. I will starting to learn the basics. I know nothing about music, and now I am going to learn it all. Well, maybe I'll check out my new keyboards tonight.
Tuesday November 11
I had to unwrap my Bose Acoustic Wave and play some House Music to cheer me up.
Wednesday November 12
The day was uneventful except for one curious episode at the Diploma Mill. It has to do with Sara, the student who came by just to punch me in the arm one day. She doesn't come to class often, so she is way behind. Lately, she has been showing up and has been getting a little "friendly." She always calls me over for help. Then, she wanted to know how to pronounce my last name. When I was sitting on top of the desk, she reached over and grabbed my leg to get my attention. I quickly jumped off the desk. By the way, Sara is a young, blonde hottie. Fortunately, the new bar called "The Library" opened up where Mango's used to be. One of my students verified this. I may have to do some "research" there soon. Sheesh!
Thursday November 13
I forgot to mention that Shirley and I ate lunch at Taco Bell again.
An uneventful day. I had to attend a meeting with the new Dean at the Asylum and his executive assistant. We have finally laid all the cards on the table. In other words, I have given them the full overview of the pathetic situation at the Asylum. I have also been given some broad powers to handle a few situations. Some of the guys in my classes want to get drunk before attending the lua'u tomorrow. So, they will call me sometime in the afternoon. Glen and I ended up at Jamba Juice after the gym. Glen is graduating from the Asylum and he has no idea what he's going to do. He doesn't have a job lined up, just like many of the other students.
I have fallen back on my old ways again. Although I am still reading the Sharma book, I have lost my focus and I have become extremely distracted. You can probably guess why. I now know that I cannot sidestep the babe situation. It's impossible. I need to address this nonsense immediately. Obviously, it's not going away anytime soon. I really don't know what to do anymore. I want a babe whom I can never have. And, I have babe students who are getting "freaky" with me. It's such a comedy of errors. What to do ... what to do ...
Friday November 14
"Dangerous" Sara was in class again today. I neglected to mention that she likes to wear very tight, skimpy outfits. Today, she wore a very tight, low-cut blouse. She had her ample wares on display. She kept calling me over every two minutes for help. At one point, I was talking with another student next to her. She tugged on one of my fingers to get my attention. After class, I was talking to Professor Marv when I saw her still walking around outside the classroom. As I was departing, she approached me to say that she had forgotten her student ID card. She needed me to verify that she was a student in order to be admitted to the computer lab. And, whenever I talk with her, she has a certain look, as if she is extremely hungry.
I missed the first express bus mainly because of "Dangerous" Sara. So, I caught the next one. I was in a hurry to get home because I had to get ready to go to the Asylum lua'u at the Bishop Museum. Shirley called just after I got off the bus. She was just passing through Waimanalo. I took a quick shower. One of my students, Lance, called while I was in the shower. He used a payphone so I could not call him back. I was supposed to meet a few of my students at one of the watering holes before going to the lua'u. Shirley arrived a few minutes later. She was all dolled up, wearing a short, Hawai'ian-print dress. She looked really good. We arrived at the Bishop Museum at 5:45pm. The event was held at the Atherton Halau. We could hear music as we entered the place. In the back of the stage area were a few tables where most of the faculty had sat to eat. Shirley and I entered and walked over to see everyone. Heads turned all over the place. Many people do not really know who Shirley is, and few remember that she was once an Asylum student. Erin and her husband were sitting at one of the tables. Shirley talked with them briefly, while I chatted with a couple of faculty.
We then went to sign in and get our dinner. We walked over to where the main dining area was. Kevin and his wife were there. As Shirley and I stood there talking with Kevin, I could see all the heads turning. Even many of my students made comments because they saw me with some hottie. It was quite entertaining. To be perfectly honest, Shirley was probably the hottest babe there. We then walked back to where the other faculty were. We sat and ate dinner at an adjacent table. Overall, we had a great time. After the lua'u, we drove to the Ward Center to get ice cream at the Coldstone Creamery. Shirley asked me what I wanted to do for my B-day. I told her that I won't be celebrating my B-day anymore. If we have any kind of celebration, it will be a "New Beginning" celebration, I added. She laughed.
To be continued ... Go to D.20
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