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The Year of Living Dangerously
Catch Me If You Can

Note: This volume has been edited beyond recognition.

Monday December 1, 2003

Shirley showed up at the Asylum around 11am. She had to pick up a book from Erin. We then walked to the Diploma Mill. Then, we ate lunch at Taco Bell. The rest of the day was uneventful. The new term commenced at the Asylum. I am not really excited about it.

Tuesday December 2

Back to reality. An uneventful day. The Asylum is becoming a very depressing place. All I listen to all day long is complaints from everyone. No one has a nice thing to say there. People are so demoralized, it's unbelievable. After a while, it really starts getting to me. What I really need to do is give up. Resignation. Acceptance. Those are words I understand. I see living proof everyday. There are many, many guys in the same boat. I am not sure why I thought that I could break out of the ranks, especially with a young hottie. There's no doubt that I've taken leave of my senses.

Glen was at the gym today. He said that my favorite Asian babe was there the other day. I saw her yesterday. She's looking really good. Glen now doubts that her ring is genuine. We know one of the guys who works at the counter, so we are going to find out. What Glen doesn't know is that I already know her full name, and I know where she works. He thinks that she works at the bank. "You should just ask her out," he told me. Later, I took Glen on a little tour of the Diploma Mill. Then, we ended up in the faculty computer room. Pseudo-professor Dorothy was there. I told her about my outing with baby. We all ended up chatting and having a good time.

Everything continues to be up in the air as I try to determine exactly what I want out of life. I keep thinking that I want a babe, obviously only one particular babe. Aside from that, all I think about is getting hammered. Only Pseudo-professor Dorothy seems to understand exactly where I am coming from. By the way, she has invited me to a party at her house, and I have promised to attend. As you probably noticed, all of this running around has done little to quell my anxieties. I just continue to get more anxious. And, it becomes even harder to sit at home. This vicious circle has got to come to an end.

Wednesday December 3

An uneventful day. The Asylum is beginning to get to me. The complaining and bitching is wearing me down. I have been trying to keep up the positive attitude as per the Sharma book, but this is becoming difficult by the day. I called Lori to see if we can meet for lunch, since her B-day is coming up. Notice that I am going to stop calling her "the handmaiden." She asked about last weekend. I told her about the party. "So, you don't find 44-year-old women to be too attractive?" she asked. She had an uneasy smile, and there was a slightly sardonic tone in her voice. And, she will be that age this week. Lori and I are to meet on Monday in town,

Shirley and I ate lunch at Taco Bell. We had an interesting conversation. I told her that I ran into Lori. She said that she wants to meet her. Naturally, we also discussed my affinity for young hotties. On the way back to campus, I told Shirley about when Lori became a blond, and also when she cut her hair real short. This was well after we had separated. Even to this day, I am not certain why Lori did that. We ran into Alana, the Miss Teen contestant, in the hallway. I introduced Alana to Shirley, but it turns out that they are in the same class. Alana is a very young hottie. She's always been friendly with me because I wrote her the reference letter that she needed for the Miss Teen pageant which she won.

I ran into Pseudo-professor Chad. He is resigning from the Honolulu Weekly, primarily because he was overlooked when the Chief Editor position came up. He is also trying for a position at the West O'ahu UH campus. We are supposed to go out for a drink one of these days. Moms bought me a Chinese take-out dinner from Panda Express. The fortune read, "There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you." Obviously, only one thought came to my mind and it involved you-know-who. When am I going to give up on this foolishness?

Thursday December 4

I was dicked by my department at the Diploma Mill again. One of my Spring term classes was yanked from me and given to someone else. That will drop my income for the year, unless I can scrape up another class at this short notice. So much for that crap. I will spend the evening with my beloved iBook. I am canceling my classes at the Diploma Mill. My students and I are tentatively going to Hooter's in the Aloha Tower Marketplace.

Friday December 5

An uneventful day. I won't even go into the bullshit that I have to put with at the Asylum. All I'll say is that I discovered how my predecessor Phillip took the Asylum to the cleaners with a Workman's Compensation claim. He made quite a bit of dough tax-fee over that sham. Shirley and I had lunch at Taco Bell. Pseudo-professor Robert joined us. We had quite an interesting discussion. Shirley has been quite disgusted with the fact that both homeboy and I want to hook up with young hotties. Homeboy made a compelling defense on our behalf. I could not have stated our case more eloquently. Shirley was not convinced.

Only a small handful of people from my classes at the Diploma Mill went with me to Hooter's. We had a great time however. Later, we ended up at the same dump we were at last week. It's actually not a bad place. Bethany joined us just before we left Hooter's. She was there at Club Pauahi with us. She actually grabbed my leg and arm a couple of times. I was a little shocked. Bethany is a hottie. However, we were all a little hammered.

I finally caught the street bus at 7pm. So, I got home pretty late. I ate a quick dinner and drove to Kahala Mall. I was still a little hammered. I bummed around Barnes & Noble for a little while, and then I returned home.

Saturday December 6

I left early this morning to make my eye appointment at the Kaiser Clinic. My eyes have not changed, but I requested that my prescription be made a little weaker. Shirley is going to help me pick a new pair of glasses and some new shades. I ended up at the Diploma Mill after that. I took a bus to Ala Moana and did the usual tour of the beach. Then, I walked to the Ward Center. I stopped in Border's and walked back to Ala Moana Center to catch the next bus to Kahala Mall. When I arrived, I discovered that Shirley had called. So, I called her back. We chatted for about 30 minutes. She had just finished shopping and was driving home. After the call, I bought a Jamba Juice smoothie and walked around. Then, I took the next bus home. I walked down to the gym to do my usual workout after that.

I left for Kahala Mall afterward. I ended up cruising around the mall with Barnes & Noble as my final destination. I ran into Pseudo-professor Tony there. He introduced me to his wife and daughter. Frankly, my mind was preoccupied.

Sunday December 7

I can still hear Pseudo-professor Robert's chilling defense of our position as he explained it to Shirley the other day. She thought that the whole thing was ridiculous but, to homeboy and I, it is reality as we know it. Homeboy is now convinced that we need big bank in order to find a babe. Maybe he's right. But, that's not the real problem. I'm sure that you know what the real problem is. And, I've done it to myself. I'm sure that baby knows I still have a thing for her. Over the past few months, she acted in ways which seemed to promote these feelings rather than discourage them. However, the fault still lies with me.

I went on my tanning hike up Koko Head this morning. I spent the day in idle pursuit of meaning. In reality, I just ended up at Kahala Mall. I called Shirley to see if she wanted to do something later anyway. She was too tired from surfing and shopping. So, I began my drinking day. What else could I do?

I chatted with Caroll a couple of times today. We discussed the usual topics. I felt temporary relief, but there really is no relief for this stupidity. Moms left for my bro's place because she has to "baby-sit" my nephew tomorrow for some reason. So, I cranked up the House Music on my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. Wine was flowing like water.

Monday December 8

Lori and I ate lunch at Chez Pasta to celebrate her B-day. We had a nice time, and the food was very good. We also happened to talk about a lot of things pertaining to our age group. I mentioned how Shirley repeatedly tells me that I should find an "average" babe in my age group. Even Lori could agree with me, knowing full well that most of the forty-something babes have really let themselves go by then. "Whatever you do, don't settle for just anything," she said. Lori herself admitted how hard it has been for her to stay in shape. She is looking good for a 44-year-old babe.

Otherwise, an uneventful day. The Asylum is going down the tubes, but no one seems to care. It is uncertain how much longer any of us will be employed there. Shirley sent e-mail saying that she and will be having our last lunch together on Friday. She's not sure of her Spring term schedule yet. Mine is all screwed up anyway.

Tuesday December 9

The politics at both the Asylum and the Diploma Mill are driving me crazy. We are talking about major corruption here. At the Asylum, I am right in the middle of it all. And, I am powerless to do anything about it. I have devoted absolutely no time to my administrative duties. All of my proposals were shot down or put on the back burner. I have nothing else to offer. At the Diploma Mill, I have become a victim of the politics that is being played out in my department. There is also a major feud going on in the math department. So far, I have been immune to all of that crap.

The math department called me today to notify me that the wrong textbook has been issued to many instructors. Of course, I am the one most immediately affected since my class starts on Monday. I found it quite humorous. No doubt, I will need a few glasses of wine this evening to calm myself down. I saw most of the other pseudo-professors today. Pseudo-professor Paul, who has no life, has been showing everyone the research papers of students whom he caught plagiarizing. It was a pathetic sight. Only Pseudo-professor Dorothy and I remained out of the fray. We looked at each other. "I don't want to end up like that," I told her. She laughed.

Wednesday December 10

Odessa called last night. She said that the old group may get together again next weekend. We chatted for about 30 minutes and caught up on what's what. She also said that both her group and Brad's group have not done much all semester. Everyone has been busy. That is, everyone except me. Sheesh! The property values in Waiana'e are going up. I just can't believe it. I was right all along. Will I be able to get in before it's too late?

An uneventful day. Ernie is going to have some kind of liposuction operation in two weeks. "Are you going to take me out to dinner and a movie before my operation?" he asked. I was a little dumbfounded. Shouldn't I be the one to make the offer?

Thursday December 11

I forgot to mention that Lori sat and talked with me on the express bus yesterday. I'm actually enjoying our little chats. We were talking about old age and the various means to combat looking old. Some of the things she told me were very typical of her. I don't really mean that in a bad way. She also said that she will get me into the paddling (read: outrigger canoe) club when the season starts up in March. She says that there are a lot of babes in the adult group. And, they like to party! Wheee! I also ran into Professor Gordo yesterday in the faculty computer room. Aside from other nonsense, we were discussing tax write-offs and students loans. He has $6,000 left in student loans. "I want to pay that off right away," he whispered. "That's $500 a month for lap dancing." Pseudo-professor Kellie was sitting right next to me.

At the Diploma Mill, there was a small potluck celebration involving a few faculty. I attended for a few minutes. Although I knew many of the people, I just don't relate to faculty as a whole. That's why I don't care to attend faculty functions.

I chatted with Lori's friend Anne on the express bus this afternoon. She said that she has kind of lost touch with Lori. Anne was in good spirits because things seem to be going better at her job. I mentioned how Lori and I have become better friends lately. She was surprised. Somehow that led into a discussion about drinking. Apparently, Anne had slid into the Abyss a while back, but she's been sober now for two years. She was drinking heavily, claiming to have consumed 18-packs of brewskis daily, and also drinking in the morning and at lunch. It was an interesting story, which made me realize that I am not alone in this struggle we call life.

Friday December 12

This is mid-life crisis at its best. Confusion, and lot's of it. I have had brief incidents in which I wanted to flee immediately to Costa Rica. Frankly, I don't know what to do. I should move out on my own, but there are a few concerns. Will I be able to afford keeping my own place? And, how will moms fare alone? How will I tolerate the loneliness myself? The babe situation poses all kinds of problems. In fact, there is a possibility that it is not an issue at all. Why do I need a babe? Companionship? Wild thing? Well, the latter goes without saying. Then, there is the matter of life itself. Each day passes, and I have done nothing to savor the moment. What do I want?

I have had much time to observe other guys in my age group. For the most part, I keep telling myself, "Lord, please don't let me end up like that." There is something else that I seek out of life. I'm not sure what it is. Often, it seems as though I am only concerned about finding a babe. Well, I already found one, but she's not going to come around. However, the other odd symptoms (i.e., divestiture of possessions, need to flee, etc.) do not seem to fit the sole need for a babe. I am worried that my real desire is immortality, something which cannot be attained. No possession becomes old and obsolete because I never hold onto it long enough. No babe ever grows old because I seek younger and younger hotties. Is this the real obsession?

An uneventful day. Lori sat in the back with me on the express bus this morning, but we did not chat much. The day at the Asylum was dismal. I dread each day that I must go there. Fortunately, Shirley and I were able to meet for lunch. This will be the last time in a while. What I've come to realize is that I really enjoy the company of babes. I don't even care to pal around with any guys anymore. Am I a wuss? I don't think so. I just don't have anything in common with the guys whom I know.

After I returned home, I ate dinner and took a bus to Kahala Mall. I ended spending a lot of time at Tower Records. I listened to a few music CDs and purchased a new "Bargrooves" House Music CD. I love House Music. It really makes me happy because it is so upbeat. I usually play the House Music channel on Net Radio in the faculty computer room. Most of the faculty hate it. Who cares? I ended up at barnes & Noble for a few minutes before leaving for home. So far, every night that I'm out, moms has been checking to see when I return home. I am really sick and tired of this nonsense. I'm only going to the damned mall by myself like a loser. Sheesh! It is actually difficult to go places by myself. There are few people out by themselves. It is very discouraging. However, I am not going to sit at home alone and vegetate.

Saturday December 13

I left for town at 9am. I ended up at the Diploma Mill because I had to get a few things done before the Winter term, which commences on Monday. I took the bus to Ala Moana. I ended up waiting for over an hour there because my connecting bus did not show up. I finally returned home and walked to the gym. I did my usual workout.

Sunday December 14

I did not sleep well at all last night. I took the bus to Ala Moana and did my usual pathetic solo stroll. I ran into Bill, one of the Asylum faculty. We chatted for a bit. I also chatted with Kevin in Washington on the phone. I was really losing it by then, so he really helped calm me down. We talked about the babe situation and mortgages. In both cases, I'm at a standstill. I can't figure out what to do, and it really is starting to bug me. I did learn something new about the capital gains tax, which may be a deciding factor.

I suppose it all boils down to fear, plain and simple. Buying a place is a scary proposition for me since I am a family of one. It's going to be a major commitment for me. I could move out and rent a place, but I would be throwing away a lot of money every month. However, with the increasing instability at the Asylum, I am not certain whether a long-term financial obligation is prudent. We already know the babe situation inside and out. I meet absolutely no babes. If I do, they are young hotties. I don't want a babe from my age group. Yada, yada. And, I am obviously not asking any babes out. The sad part is that the clock is ticking. Less than a year left before the Big Five-O and I am essentially chokin' da chicken. Sheesh!

Monday December 15

The year is rapidly coming to a close. There has been no real changes from last year. In other words, we are talking about status quo. Rather than living dangerously, I chose to live safely. That's why I am losing my mind. What a crock of shit! I chatted with Caroll last night. She is losing her mind, too. For Caroll, most of her life remains in disarray. For both of us, the single life is a struggle. "We need companionship. Not the sexual or romantic kind. We're past that point. We just need someone to keep us company," she said. I agreed that we need companionship. However, romantic needs and da wild thing are still a priority for me.

More crap at the Asylum. It's getting totally out of hand. I am trying to enforce faculty resource allocations. One of the faculty reacted harshly. Later, I heard him crying. I have already advised the faculty under me to start looking for something else before Summer. The ship is going down. My first day of the Winter term at the Diploma Mill. The class meets three hours per day, three days per week for the next four weeks. It's a grueling session. I am "winging it" because I have done minimal preparation. So far, I am pulling it off. How long can it last given my fragile mental state? I tentatively have a computer class scheduled for Spring term. It will be held on Tuesday evening. I accepted it because I don't want my income to be reduced. While I am still working, I will make as much as I can. I have been spending money like crazy ever since the Summer, so I cannot afford to turn down any contracts. Lori's friend Anne was on the express bus this afternoon. We had another pleasant chat.

Every life decision is still at a standstill. Almost everything hinges on whether I find a babe or not. I have neither the desire to continue forever as a wage slave or to buy my own place unless I have a good enough reason. That reason is a babe. Thus, something is going to have to happen soon, or I will remain in stasis. One caveat — if the Turds are planning to move back, then I will be forced to make at least one decision. In any case, I am becoming very discouraged. There seems to be no end in sight. Will I be in the doldrums forever? Lord, I hope not.

Tuesday December 16

An uneventful day. I ran into Pseudo-professor Robert out on Fort Street Mall. We chatted for quite a while. He said that he is "okay with the default situation," which is the way things are now. We were discussing the babe situation. I was really perturbed by what I was gearing. In essence, he was telling me that he is in the acceptance phase. Then, he mentioned that he met some young faculty hottie at the President's party a week ago. She's twenty-nine, but she's here on a visa. Homeboy made some joke about how he'll marry her so she can stay in the country. Apparently, she didn't get the joke and thought he was weird. "Why didn't you just snap into action?" I asked him, since I had already learned that lesson the hard way. In the end, I came to discover that he still wants a young hottie, just like me. I am starting to see how stupid we look. Two old losers wanting to hook up with beautiful young hotties. No wonder everyone is telling me to get real. Sheesh!

Wednesday December 17

An uneventful day. I ran into Pseudo-professor Robert in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. He said that he called and asked the 29-year-old Swedish-Japanese babe pseudo-professor to lunch. She had not returned his call yet when I saw him. I sent Shirley an e-mail completely in Spanish. I used an on-line translator. She called me later, but she did not mention the e-mail. I'll include it here because it's so stupid.

Shirley:

¿Qué pasa, boo? Así, cuando son yendo de compras para la ropa nueva y gafas. Apenas no es el mismo sin nuestros almuerzos en la Campana del Taco. Yo no hablo español, pero el bebé mandó eso correo electrónico. Hablando de bebé, he estado pensando acerca de la "cosa silvestre" recientemente. Apenas bromear. La llamada o correo electrónico cuando usted tiene tiempo.

--T

So, run that through the translator and see what I wrote. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! I only chatted with Shirley for a few minutes. We may do something on Sunday.

The year is winding down. I will spend the next week or so ruminating on the events of the year and the issues that I must confront in the near future. It's all pretty crazy.

To be continued ... Go to D.22

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