The Exodus Files
What up, Boo?
End of Summer Update - September 6, 2005 (Continued)
On Wednesday, I met moms at Ala Moana for lunch after my classes at Chaminade. We ate bento lunch at Shirokiya. I drove to Kahala Mall earlier and parked there before taking the bus to Chaminade for my classes. After my classes, I went back to Kahala Mall to get my truck. That way, I could give moms a ride home. Moms became very tired walking from one end of Ala Moana to the other. I realized that my time with moms is very important to me.
Lori was illin' on Thursday, so we did not go surfing. Instead, we sat around and chatted. As to be expected, the surf conditions finally picked up. Oh well. I visited moms afterward. I stopped by the Local Motion store in Koko Marina to check on the surfboard order. The boards should be ready in six to eight weeks as promised. Pseudo-professor Bill called in the afternoon. He wanted to meet for drinks at Hooter's. I was at the Diploma Mill at the time, so I suggested that we meet at Indigo instead. The last time we were at Hooter's, we spent over $140 on beer and pupus as compared to $3 at Indigo. Which would you choose?
I met Pseudo-professor Glenn at Washington Place in town for the Queen Lili'uo'kalani celebration. After the concert with the Royal Hawai'ian Band ended, I ran into a couple of former Asylum students. We chatted for a bit. Then, it was time for Art Walk. I ran into Lori and her husband at one of the galleries. They were also out for the Art Walk. I drove to CompUSA and then out to Kahala Mall afterward. As usual, nothing exciting. I began to feel like a loser again. However, I came to my senses quickly. What other options are there? I am no longer dealing with the babe situation. I only have retirement to look forward to.
Gas prices went through the roof after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. My take on this ... Peak Oil is here. Natural disasters like this will be used to break in the unwitting sheep to accept oil shortages. Lowest grade of petrol is now $2.89 per gallon. I see this as a sign of things to come. Real estate prices continue to climb, especially condo prices. Lori urged me to not sell Chez Loser. Hawai'i only has 24 percent of its land available for residential use. This will not change due to geogragraphical restrictions and land tenure. Overall, housing will always be in short supply. Even without the influx of people moving here, the local population itself is growing rapidly. I am, of course, still inclined to sell Chez Loser in March 2006. I want to get out of anything that locks me into any kind of slavery. I want freedom. I have no need to acquire material wealth since the babe situation is over.
I have been watching the rental market, too. Apartment rentals are going up, which means that I may be up shit creek if I sell Chez Loser. Studios are now averaging about $1,000 per month. Anything in town or close to town is fairly high. I have yet to check out any of those places. Word has it that many of the sub-$1,000 units are real dumps, usually in seedy neighborhoods. I have other options to check out. There are a few boarding houses, and there's also the possibility of shared rentals. Incidentally, many of the so-called "studios" in Waikiki are actually "condotel" units. These units are essentially hotel rooms with no kitchen facilities.
My investments yielded $821 for the month of August, not including retirement accounts. So far, I have not had to rely upon my savings. My income has been adequate to pay most of the bills. The shortage is being offset by my reserves. My spending now centers on food and petrol. The latter and former are in excess of $500 per month. My current goal is to cut expenditures even further.
Labor Day weekend signaled the end of Summer. I did nothing for most of the weekend. Moms called on Monday to invite me over to dinner. My bro and I ended up drinking a whole mess of Guiness. Moms is going in for a colonscopy on Thursday. I am getting a little worried. Moms has been extremely fatigued lately. My Fall schedule will not allow me to visit moms during the weekdays. Surfing will be out of the question as well. My bro may have to spend a month working on the Big Island. Residential construction is tapering off on O'ahu. There's no more land to build on. High rise condos as still going up, though. I have a feeling that my bro will have to spend more time on the other islands because residential construction is beginning to pick up there. The sad part is that the neighbor islands will soon look like the suburban mess on O'ahu.
I have had all Summer to evaluate my situation. My priorities need to gel soon. Currently, I would like to spend more time with moms. That's the last of my family. This is very important to me. For the latter to happen, I will have to rearrange my work schedule. I would also like to have more leisure time to engage in other activities like surfing. The weekends are the wrong time for anything. There are just too many people out everywhere. My living costs (i.e., mortgage) needs to be cut down. I am spending way too much dough just for a place to sleep. I am expecting units in the Chez Loser complex to approach $400,000 (fee simple) by the end of the year. I am also certain that the Fed will raise the short-term interest rate to 4.5 percent. My money market accounts should yield at least 4.0 percent then. I have seven months left before the March 2006 deadline.
Well, that's the Summer in a nutshell. The rest of the year will pass in a wink of an eye. I will be absorbed with wage slavery and matters of survival.
Discoverer's Day Update - October 9, 2005
Prices for petrol in Kane'ohe were at $3.09 per gallon for the cheapest grade on Labor Day. Naturally, the latter did nothing to curb the traffic. Seemed like even more people were out driving around. In town, petrol prices were at least 15 cents more per gallon.
The moronic neighbors upstairs continued their idiotic slammin' and stompin' soirée. I chatted with Ron, the resident manager, about the fools. IdiotBoy is a piece of work, but so is his mommy. The morons have complained numerous times about inane crap to him. IdiotBoy's mommy wanted Ron to set traps to catch all the stray cats on the premises because she is allergic to cats. One really has to wonder. IdiotBoy is 29 years old. He lives in a small shoebox with his mommy. He works some kind of peon restaurant job. He drives his mommy's car. His mommy is overly protective of IdiotBoy. I am not even sure if IdiotBoy's mommy works much more than part-time, so I wonder how they manage to pay the rent.
Classes at the Diploma Mill commenced right after Labor Day. I was bogged down with stuff to do. Lori called me on Wednesday. I had just returned to the Diploma Mill from Chaminade. She happened to be in town and wanted to meet for lunch. We ate at the Mediterranean Café, a small Greek place. The food was excellent. That was the last time we would get together before she left for New York and then to Italy with her father. I told Lori that the experience would be worthwhile because she will get a chance to bond with her father. Lori also wanted me to call Kirk to make sure that it's okay for me to give her a surfboard as a gift. I am purchasing both our boards. I felt that the gift would be justified since Lori was the only friend who wanted to go surfing. At this age, it's hard to find anyone who wants to do anything. In addition, playing in the ocean is not something that I want to do alone.
The Asylum officially phased me out, or that's what I have assumed. I dropped by to see if there was any paperwork for me. I no longer even have a mailbox. The status of my medical benefits remains up in the air. I really no longer qualify for benefits, so I should have received the COBRA forms. I keep hoping that this oversight will continue until the end of the year. I don't want to start paying for my medical plan quite yet. Robert, the IT guy, said that I was still on the roster for the next six-week term. That remains to be seen. He also believes that he is being phased out as well. I became quite aware of how dismal the Asylum was. I don't really miss the place.
Shirley made a surprise visit to the new faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill on Thursday afternoon. The faculty computer room was relocated to the first floor during the Summer. Shirley gave me some crap about not calling her back. She then gave me a synopsis of her life since I last chatted with her back in May. Her sister was getting divorced after being married for just shy of two months. She mentioned a few other inane events before tersely mentioning her relationship with Seth. She said that she was very happy. I asked her about Seth's plans for the future. "He's still trying to figure it out," she replied. Shirley is still working at Daiei, but she is down to 26 hours per week. She is apparently spending almost every dime she's making. She had to secure a loan to pay off her bills. Seth is still working at the gas station. I am certain that Shirley is planning to have a long-term relationship with Seth. I am also certain that they will end up living together at one of their parents' homes. She also mentioned that she had recently chatted with the former friend. I'm not sure why Shirley keeps bringing up the former friend. The former friend is apparently still taking art classes. "That's nice," I said, and changed the subject. Shirley also showed me Shorty's on-line photo gallery. The pictures were from Shorty's recent trip back to Hawai'i. All were party pictures. Shirley has still been drinking, partying, and smoking. Oddly, she made no mention of Ramona. Well, at least Shirley has decided to finish the one remaining class at the Diploma Mill. So, she can finally graduate. What she does with her degree after that is beyond me. Shirley also showed me her new camera/cell phone.
I called moms on Friday to see how the colonoscopy went. Moms had gone in to the lab on Thursday. Moms said that there were no polyps or other abnormalities. The latter was good news, but the source of the bleeding has yet to be determined. Moms also said that my bro will be leaving for the Big Island to work, but the departure date was not certain.
Moms received the paperwork from the attorney a couple of weeks ago. Moms has given me "power of attorney" over the estate and also to execute provisions of the "living will." I was not really happy about this, but it is probably better if left in my hands. I will fully comply with moms' wishes.
I drove down to CompUSA on Friday evening with the intention to purchase a Palm Tungsten T5. However, thanks to the lousy service there, I was more inclined to leave. That was a good thing. I would have spent $315 on something that I really don't need. Deeper introspection is needed to see why I am compelled to purchase such useless items. I suspect that boredom is the real issue. All I do in the evenings is watch the tube like a faithful zombie. The Master would be proud. I ended up at Safeway and purchased a big-ass bottle of Vendage Merlot. I spent the rest of the evening imbibing in cheap booze and listening to the moronic fools stomp around upstairs.
I have been trying to establish my priorities and objectives for the next six months. This is coincident with my plan to sell Chez Loser. What I really want to do is cut my expenses down to the point where I can afford to live on part-time wages. I would like to be able to spend time with moms and also to be able to do things like go surfing during the week when the beaches are not crowded. I want a less stressful life. I don't want to worry about the mortgage anymore. Freedom is still the main issue.
I was on the road to CompUSA again on Saturday, but I chose not to get off the freeway in town. I ended up at Kahala Mall. I turned around and drove back to Kane'ohe. I went through that very costly drive just to avert a possible spending infringement (i.e., Palm PDA). I was quite perturbed that the internal forces of consumerism were so strong.
Moms called on Sunday. I drove to Hawai'i Kai in the late afternoon. Moms and I ate dinner at Panda Express in Kuapa Kai. I really like Panda Express food. It's really quite good. Then, moms and I went shopping at Long's Drugs. I was very happy to spend the time with moms. Perhaps many other people may not agree with what I am doing. I can only speak for myself. A while back, I observed one of the regulars on the bus who happened to live in Hawai'i Kai. He's a middle-aged haole guy. I had seen him several times with his father. Once I saw them walking together to Koko Marina. I was deeply touched. His father looked to be in his eighties. For me, spending time with the last of my family is the most important aspect of my own remaining life. This is about all that allows me to derive meaning in my life. My parents made sure that my future would be secure. Do I not owe them something?
I had checked Robert's Myspace profile on Wednesday because I had not heard from him in a long time. I noticed that Kevin was in his Friends Space. Later that evening, Robert called and left a strange message. I called him back a few hours later. Kevin has apparently been trying to extract information about me. Why doesn't he just call? Robert was still unemployed. He has three months left to claim unemployment benefits. He plans to get serious about job hunting. He had not been to the gym in a while because of an alleged wrist injury. He claimed that the injury occurred when he was helping someone move. As I recall, that was supposedly over a few weeks ago. And, the babe situation has not changed for him either.
Kevin's curious clandestine operation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems at the Asylum. I believe that I have been permanently phased out, most likely with Kevin's help. The situation at the Asylum is degenerating. Kevin had asked Mike to give up a class and give it to him. Kevin claimed that he cannot pay the rent. The remaining faculty are grasping at straws to stay afloat. I cannot understand why they remain there, all the while fighting for the small crumbs tossed at them.
I have missed writing the journal. However, I cannot commit to that kind of writing anymore. There are many issues which remain unresolved or in limbo. However, I have discussed most of them ad nauseam. The journal always cleared my head at the end of the day. Without it, my thoughts keep circulating in my mind almost endlessly. Time is rapidly running out for the ol' lavahead.
I received my first paycheck from Chaminade. Between Chaminade and the Diploma Mill, my monthly income is $500 less than my monthly expenses. I am now in a deficit spending situation. My investments (not including retirement accounts) are making over $820 per month. The interest rate as of September 16th was 3.12 percent (7-day yield). I was hoping to not tap into any of that money now. I have invoked a strict moratorium on spending. The only large line item will be the surfboards. Any future spending will be for necessities only.
I have returned to a diet that is quite similar to what I was eating at the inception of the journal back in the year 1995. I am primarily eating canned tuna, canned salmon, and canned pork and beans. I no longer eat the Bush's baked beans because the latter is far too costly. I also eat frozen vegetables. Fresh vegetables spoil too quickly. I eat granola bars and Quaker® granola cereal for snacks. I have been eating sandwiches with cold cuts. However, the cold cuts are too expensive. I will be switching to peanut butter.
When I returned to Kane'ohe about 7pm on Friday, I saw Eileen, a former Asylum student, walking in the parking lot of the Chez Loser complex. She and her friend Liz were cleaning a place belonging to Liz's friend. The friend is an 83-year-old woman who was just in the hospital. The unit is exactly like mine, but it was stacked with all kinds of stuff. Eileen and Liz had been cleaning for at least a day. They had thrown out boxes of old papers and food stuff. Every room was still stuffed with boxes of junk. There was stacks of canned food everywhere. There was barely any room to walk. The woman apparently slept on the small chair in the living room. It, too, was surrounded by stacks of boxes and crap. There was no way to get to the bed in the master bedroom.
I shared a glass of wine with them when I had gone by to visit. We had a nice chat. I briefly mentioned that I wanted to sell my unit and rent an apartment in town. Liz was recently forced to move and find a rental. She detailed her experience. She said that rentals are very scarce. Cost of rentals are increasing. Liz is living in a one-bedroom apartment in Salt Lake for $1.050 per month. To me, this is outrageous. Given my situation, I may be up shit creek.
Petrol prices spiked up to $3.59 per gallon and declined to about $3.15 per gallon from September 15th to September 21st. Moms invited me to dinner on Saturday of that week. My bro had returned from the Big Island on Thursday night. We spent most of the evening drinking Guiness brewskis. My bro will be commuting to the Big Island for about a month. I went shopping on Sunday. I ordered "Shock to the System" from Barnes & Noble. Then, I drove to K-Mart and purchased plastic floor mats for the truck. I could finally throw the paper mats away. Sheesh!
Moms called on Monday morning to arrange to meet for lunch at Kahala Mall. I met moms at noon, right after my Chaminade classes. Moms and I ate at the Panda Express. I sat with moms at the bus stop until the bus arrived. I felt quite sad as moms waved good-bye to me from the bus. That image remained in my mind for days.
I dropped by the Asylum a couple of times during the evening. I chatted with Glen, Milton, and Rob (the IT guy). As of Wednesday, I was still on the schedule for the upcoming six-week term. On Thursday September 22nd, Rob informed me that I was removed from the list. Rob is planning to resign from the Asylum after he returns from his vacation. Rob has property in Kalihi that he and his brother inherited after their parents passed on. The house is in bad shape, but the property is fairly large. Rob has tentatively decided to sell it. I was surprised that he has entertained this option. Perhaps he finally realized that the only option left for many of us is Costa Rica or some other ex-patriate haven. I also decided to turn in my keys since I am no longer employed by the Asylum. The sad part is that the assholes could not even tell me that. I did not receive any notification about my health plan either. I should have been given the COBRA forms to continue my health plan by paying the premium myself.
I met up with Pseudo-professors Ralph and Mike at Indigo Happy Hour on Friday. Pseudo-professor Dorothy could not make it because her car was stolen. Pseudo-professor Ralph gave me a ride back to Kane'ohe. Thank goodness because it started pouring down rain shortly afterward. The rain was the result of a hurricane drifting east of the islands. I decided to go to CompUSA after dinner. I bought a LabTec multimedia sound system for $30 or so. It has a subwoofer along with two small speakers. Then, I drove to Barnes & Noble to pick up the DVD that I ordered. I perused the store for a while. My favorite Barnes & Noble babe was working as usual. When I returned to Chez Loser, I set up the LabTec system with my LCD wide-screen tube. I then watched "Shock to the System." I was quite impressed by the sound. I now have a small "home theater" system.
Things are not looking good for the ol' lavahead. My expenses are still about $500 over my current income each month. My money market fund (not including IRAs) is yielding 3.15 percent as of September 22nd. Since the Fed raised the interest rate, I expect that the money market rate will continue to rise. My only hope is that the Fed will continue to raise the interest rate to 4.5 percent by the end of the year. I should then yield over $1,000 per month from my account.
Chez Loser is appreciating in value from what I can tell. The last fee simple unit sold had gone for $345,000 and there is now a unit listed for $350,000 leasehold. The fee is about $67,000 which would make the equivalent fee simple unit worth $400,000 at the least.
My Sundays have remained extremely boring. I usually drive out to Hawai'i Kai to go to the gym. Then, I end up at Kahala Mall. It's better than sitting at home and listening to the idiotic neighbors stomping around upstairs. On Sunday September 25th, I was fortunate because a couple of Jet Li movies were playing on one of the cable channels. I cranked up my "home theater" system. I could barely hear the fools stomping around. The little $30 LabTec system actually sounds good with the tube.
I met moms at Kahala Mall for lunch. As usual, we ate at the Panda Express. I could eat there every day. Spending time with moms has become a priority for me. I am the last of my lineage. I do not have a family of my own, so I must cherish the last remaining familial ties. Although I am happy to spend time with moms, I am also quite saddened to watch moms grow older. Mind you, moms is healthy and is able to get around well. However, it is not easy to ignore the effects of age. I watched moms put her sunglasses in its case. Even such a simple task is becoming more cumbersome.
Perhaps my situation is really fate. I am being emancipated from wage slavery so that I can devote more time to important matters. My lack of desire to maintain my previous income will insure the sale of Chez Loser. My life will become simple. I will be able to spend time with moms. I will also live relatively stress-free, albeit in abject poverty. This may be my destiny, or this may be the life that I have truly desired all along.
Lori called on Wednesday. We planned to meet on Tuesday in town. She wanted to go surfing, but I did not have a block of time available like I did during the Summer. Lori had gone to Italy with her father as planned. The details will be told to me on Tuesday.
I am discovering that physical degradation is inevitable after the Big Five-O. I have observed this phenomena in myself. I have been able to maintain the same physique that I had since my twenties, which may be surprising to many people. However, the latter did little to stave off the effects of the Big Five-O. I am becoming much stiffer. I am unable to maintain any unusual posture without resulting stiffness and pain. I have a pinched nerve in my lats. I am constantly tripping over nothing when I walk. This is because I no longer raise my legs as high when I walk as I did in my younger years. I am unable to pull my pants on without bracing myself against a wall. That makes me wonder if I will be able to surf. There are numerous other maladies. The only relief is that I no longer suffer from mid-life crisis. Babes no longer drive me berserk. Naturally, when I see them, I desire to do da wild thing. However, that desire has been waning. I could get by with some hurdy-gurdy DVDs and my hand for the rest of my life.
I check on my investments daily. On October 1st, the monthly interest for my money market fund was posted. It was $895 for 30 days. The interest rate was 3.17 percent and continues to tick up higher almost daily. My retirements accounts are making negligible contributions.
Moms called on Saturday to invite me to dinner. I ended up drinking a whole mess of Guiness brewskis with my bro. I would rather not engage in that kind of benign activity anymore. I also sensed that my bro was not too pleased about seeing me since moms has been inviting me over weekly. The fact of the matter is that the house belongs to my bro and I am wearing out my welcome. The rest of the weekend was the same old shit.
Moms called me on Monday morning to see if I could meet for lunch at Kahala Mall. I let moms at noon. We ate at Panda Express as usual. I told moms that I did not feel welcome at my bro's house, so we would have to make different arrangements in the future. Frankly, I am only going there to visit moms. After lunch, I waited with moms at the bus stop until the bus arrived. Then, I walked across the street to catch the bus to town.
Pseudo-professor Ralph called on Thursday night to arrange an outing for the Art Walk the next day. On Friday afternoon, I met up with Pseudo-professor Dorothy at the faculty computer room. We walked down the street to Skippy's, a Vietnamese food restaurant. Pseudo-professor Ralph was there with his kids. We ate dinner and had an interesting chat. Pseudo-professor Dorothy disclosed some interesting facts about her life that we previously knew nothing about. I may detail the latter later. We did not make it to the Art Walk. I returned to Chez Loser, only to be privy to the usual bullshit from the idiots living upstairs. I filed an incident report with the resident manager a few days prior. The moronic mother and son duo got into an argument at 2am on Tuesday. I suspect that the losers won't be moving out at the end of the month. The assholes are driving me berserk.
My life decisions are beginning to converge on mendicance with each passing day. Circumstances are forcing me further and further down Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I am really only concerned about spending quality time with moms. I have vowed to keep the truck just in case I need to visit moms or to give moms a ride somewhere. My income will decrease significantly in January. I see no way that I can continue paying my mortgage. As it stands, the townhouse will be listed for sale in March as scheduled. I have decided to invest $9 to purchase a book that I perused at Barnes & Noble. It's a reprint of the "US Army Survival Manual." I believe that the utility of the latter will increase very soon. I still possess the Nova Spirit. I am planning to purchase a new battery for it. A Taser-like device will come in real handy when society begins to unravel.
I rarely check Myspace except maybe once per month. I check TheFaceBook more often. I happened to notice that Shirley's friend Shorty had sent e-mail and also requested to be in my Friends Space. I did not have time to read the e-mail.
Lori and I met briefly on Tuesday October 4th. We chatted over some beverages at Starbuck's. Lori seemed to have had a really good trip to Italy with her father. She will show me pictures at a later date. We are also trying to organize our schedules so that we can go surfing again. Our boards have still not arrived yet, so there's no hurry.
My schedule at both the Diploma Mill and Chaminade were conflicting, so I desperately tried to remedy the situation. My income commencing in January will take a severe blow as a result. I will have no choice but to sell Chez Loser quickly. I have no desire to seek out more wage slave positions. I would rather live in a rented roach-infested dump and have more spare time. Life is too short to be shackled to wage slavery.
The benign cyst apparently is not a cyst at all. In the last few weeks, it has been draining. Actually, I've been squeezing out a lot of foul-smelling discharge from the location of an ingrown hair. I had told both my physician and the surgeon that I suspected an infected ingrown hair. I am now quite skeptical about HMOs. Do I really need a health plan? There is still a small lump, but it is less than half the size of the original "cyst."
I should at least summarize my financial situation in this update. So far, I have managed to meet my objective of "capital preservation." My reserves are down only about $800 or so, mainly because I sold my Bose Acoustic Wave and my Apple iBook for a decent amount of dough. Income from my money market fund has helped to maintain an increasing balance. Financial stability should continue until the end of December. I have not done a tax analysis yet. I will have to wait until the end of January when all of my tax data is available. I have not been able to curb my spending. All other expenditures (aside from mortgage and loans) amount to $432 or so. Not good.
The babe situation remains unchanged. I am at the "point of no return," so the latter is moot. Aside from da wild thing, I see no reason to pursue a relationship with a babe. In general, the attitude of the majority of babes is extremely pathetic. I find no difference across various age groups. The tube has really done a phenomenal job of inculcating the masses with a value system coincident with anarchy. I find no reason to buy into this thinking. Thus, I will remain single for the rest of my life.
Time has passed fairly quickly. I have only a little over a month before I enter the 50-plus age group. And, I now have five months left before I must sell Chez Loser. In some respects, I miss the daily journal. I have had much difficulty in sorting through my thoughts. I have yet to sell the furniture, but I have put the latter on my agenda. All things considered, I believe that my destiny is being laid out for me. Oddly, I am being guided to a life very similar to that of Anonder. My only priorities as of October 7th are to continue to spend time with moms and go surfing. Everything else is moot. Wage slavery is moot. My possessions are only there to serve as diversions. They, too, are moot. In the end, I will end up with only a computer, most likely an Apple PowerBook. I expect my destiny will become reality before the middle of next year.
Sinister Kahuna Day Update - October 31, 2005
I consumed four bottles of wine in the week leading up to Discover's Day. The stress was getting to me. More and more, I began to realize that I am a prisoner of my own making. In thinking that I could be part of mainstream society, I deceived myself and moved into a most precarious situation. I can only assume that I was banking on an eleventh-hour miracle to find a babe. That was to be the cure-all for my maladies. It wasn't until late in the game that I realized the folly of my erroneous thinking. A babe would have ensured that I was permanently shackled to wage slavery. In the end, I would most likely have suffered through another miserable break-up and faced a financial debacle. I have come to peace with myself concerning the babe situation. Well, maybe not completely at peace with myself, but close enough to re-evaluate my priorities.
As I mentioned in a previous update, I can get by with a few hurdy-gurdy DVDs and my hand. There is no need to find a babe. I have become much more of an isolationist anyway. My preference is a "party of one." I rarely hang out with friends. in fact, I have very few remaining friends. I don't go out of my way to meet new people either, especially babes. I am a loner, a monk.
During the Discoverer's Day weekend, I became quite anxious. I became overwhelmed at the thought of having to sell everything and find another place. I also became quite distraught about the immediate future. My income will drop to sub-poverty level on December 31st. I will have no choice but to deplete my reserves and tap into savings. As it stands, I am now pushing the envelope concerning the sale of Chez Loser. I am still banking on making about $150,000 in capital gains over the equity that I have accumulated. Interest rates continue to rise, and there is every indication that the Fed will continue to raise the rates for the rest of the year. There is no doubt that my destiny is to divest everything and live more modestly. I have been given a small window of opportunity. So, I would be foolish to botch it up.
I met moms at Kahala Mall on Monday. The Seminary (formerly Chaminade) observed the Discoverer's Day holiday, but the Diploma Mill did not. Moms and I ate lunch at the Panda Express. I waited with moms at the bus stop until the bus arrived. There is no question that my main priority is to spend time with moms. There is nothing more important than the latter. Wage slavery, money, and useless possessions are moot in comparison. Anonder had made specific recommendations, one of which included the severing of ties with friends and family. I have pretty much severed most of my ties with friends. However, I cannot do so with my family, in particular moms.
I have not heard from Anonder in a while. He had sent several pieces of e-mail a couple of months ago to both LoserNet and Myspace accounts. What I find interesting is that I see myself gradually moving toward Anonder's life-style, which is really just another flavor of monasticism. I will most likely not adapt the more esoteric components of his philosophy. However, I will live up to most of his predictions.
I became completely confused about my situation by Tuesday. Naturally, I was only able to quell my disturbing thoughts with a bottle of fake "Hammer." I began to continuously entertain the idea of becoming homeless. The latter thoughts became quite intrusive as the days went on. Exiting society became a pervasive thinking exercise. Rather than enjoy my last five months in the comfort of Chez Loser, I chose to torment myself over the uncertain future after that time. "Freedom" is the word that continuously echoes in my mind. I can barely sleep because I envision myself as a prisoner. Watching the tube every night is also bringing me closer to insanity. Seeing advertisements hawking the damned motorized chair, prescription drugs for every psychotic malady, and hot babe videos are pushing me further to the edge.
Sometimes I feel as though I want to continue this benign life-style. It only takes a few minutes of listening to the fucking idiots upstairs making noise to bring me back to my senses. I am living too well for my needs. There are entire families living in units just like mine. Economies of scale obviously indicate that I have severely underutilzed my resources. And, it is costing a lot more money to keep this pathetic infrastructure afloat than it would a family of four.
There were still many aftershocks following my decision to remain a monk for the rest of my life. This is not the kind of decision that one can take lightly. The internal debate had become quite fierce in the end. The bottom line, of course, is that I would never do da wild thing with a babe ever again. I cannot tell you how scary and depressing that prospect sounds. Yet, it is the only practical route for someone like the ol' lavahead. I see so many hotties every day. That's probably what drove me insane a few years ago. That's when the former friend was around. Well, that's all water under the bridge now. I surmise that I will only have to persevere through another five years before I become a candidate for Viagra. At that point, the babe situation will become a non-existent issue.
The moronic neighbors upstairs were really beginning to get on my nerves. It became apparent to me that this mother-son pair was true trailer park trash. IdiotBoy's mommy is so worried about the thirty-year-old moron. His mommy calls him multiple times especially if he is not home when he is supposed to be. This has been the cause of several heated arguments. I am not even certain where their money comes from. The moronic kid is now going to some school, most likely Windward Community College. He does not work as many hours at his peon restaurant job. I am not even sure if his mommy works at all. So, where is the money coming from? Perhaps they are "Section 8" tenants. In other words, the morons may be subsidized by Hawai'i taxpayers. Another possibility could be that IdiotBoy's mommy had inherited some money, or there is a structured settlement being paid out.
According to Forbes magazine, Honolulu is ranked third for highest housing rent in the nation. Also, 41 percent of the population are renters. Wow! That means I am one of the "priviledged," at least for the time being. The city did not rank in the top ten for most overpriced properties in nation, which is a good sign. I am a little worried about when I become a renter again.
Professor Lisa called on Friday to say hello. I only chatted with her briefly. That was the highlight of the week. I was not able to curb my consumption of cheap booze. I drove to Safeway a couple of times to replenish my supply. The crux of the problem is sheer boredom. I return home at about 7pm. After my usual canned food dinner, I spend the rest of the evening in front of the tube. During that time, I am privy to the disturbing behavior of the morons upstairs. I am paying an exorbitant amount of dough to live like trailer park trash.
I contacted Debbie, my realtor, to obtain information about the selling costs I will be incurring. Debbie is co-owner of a Help-U-Sell® franchise. Therefore, my selling costs will be a lot lower than with a full-service firm. My only concern is the timing of the sale. Mortgage interest rates across the nation (except Hawai'i) are going up. Let's hope that I will still realize a profit after the sale.
I ran into Shirley on Friday, just before her class. We did not get to chat for very long. I did manage to ask her to return my spare keys when she has a chance. I will need the additional set of keys when I list Chez Loser for sale.
The weekend was completely boring. Friday night, I walked to Windward Mall and looked around. Saturday evening, I drove to Kahala Mall. I had gone to the Diploma Mill earlier in the day. On Sunday, I spent most of the day listening to the two fucking idiots upstairs stomp around and slam every door in their dump. I decided to drive to Hawai'i Kai and go to the gym there. Then, I ended up at Kahala Mall again.
Moms called on Monday morning. Moms wanted to meet for lunch at Ala Moana. We met at Kahala Mall instead because I did not have enough time to commute to Ala Moana and return to town by 2pm. What's really sad is that I have established the priority to spend more time with moms yet I am only able to meet with moms for one hour once per week.
I ponder many issues daily, but the most prevalent of all recent topics has been my perception of what is a "home." Ever since I was homeless several years ago, I have never been comfortable living in any ediface. I have never viewed any of my living arrangements as anything more than temporary. The "cookie cutter" rooms in most houses and apartments resemble tombs to me. No one can flourish in such an environment. A living tomb is a location where one spends time engaging in benign activities such as watching the tube excessively and consuming shitty food in massive quantities. I also have the fringe benefit of being privy to the antics of the fucking losers upstairs. With this in mind, I must find living quarters which resemble a boarding house at best. I only need a place to sleep and store a minimal of useless possessions. Nothing drives this point home further than the fucking morons upstairs. Like caged rats, they pace and stomp around almost all day. Neither of the two shitheads works more than a handful of hours per week. So, they are home in the cage for the majority of the day. Observe the animals in captivity in a zoo and note that the latter engaged in sleeping and pacing around almost exclusively. This is not the way humans should spend their lives.
Interestingly, on Thursday October 20th at 5am, the morons upstairs were stomping around and talking at the top of their lungs. I heard them leave. I looked out the window and observed IdiotBoy toting some luggage. I assumed that one of the fools was flying out to the mainland. In about an hour, IdiotBoy's mommy returned. Their six-month lease is allegedly up at the end of the month, so there is some hope that the fools will both be gone soon.
Pseudo-professor Ralph gave me a ride home almost every night during this particular week. On Thursday, we ended up eating dinner at Skippy's Café, which gave us a chance to chat. Pseudo-professor Ralph is attempting to find a much more stable career. That decision was necessitated by the fact that he has a family to support.
I oftentimes wonder if I could have been a "family guy." I really don't think so, although the issue is moot. At this point in time, I really don't want to bust my ass to earn enough dough to live any better than I am. In fact, I want to downgrade to a lower standard of living. I am tempted to return to the daily journal, mostly because I have had a difficult time with charting the course of my life. Then, when I finally get around to appending material to these long updates, I usually am not in the mood to delineate my troubled thoughts.
Petrol prices remained at $3.45 per gallon for the lowest grade until Wednesday. Then, prices dropped down to $2.98 per gallon on average. My own driving habits were curtailed by the high prices. However, I am able to fill the tank when the petrol prices are the lowest since I do not drive to work. As you can guess, I did not initiate natural gas service, so still I have no hot water in Chez Loser. From all indications, natural gas prices are going to rise sharply. I will continue to take my showers at the gym indefinitely.
October 18th officially marked the beginning of my last five months in Chez Loser. Anyway, that's the plan for now. In all honesty, I have been vacillating about this matter. I become quite fatigued when thinking about renting some dump from a slumlord. Then again, I really cannot afford to maintain my own place. I continuously ponder the prospect of becoming homeless, but the latter is not really a viable option. Debbie, my realtor, sent some preliminary information in the mail about the services offered by her realty firm.
My social life has dwindled down to nothing in the last two years. I have tried to reflect on this situation. For some reason, I am not the least bit bothered. I have no real desire to initiate new or maintain existing friendships. Having friends and a social life are deemed to be important components of a person's well being. Yet, I find little importance in either. I have become a hermit, a monk. My compassion for people has decreased significantly, which is not surprising. Even in my position as a faculty member, I must put forth great effort to feign compassion and caring. In reality, I could care less about the people whom I deal with. I have maintained a few old acquaintances. My goal is to maintain an emotional distance from people. I will be devoid of emotional support, but I will also not need to worry about social obligations and other such foolishness. None of this has come about because of any kind of psychological deviance. I have simply observed that there are no people around with whom I care to associate with or know on an intimate basis. The latter reason is also why I have mummifed the babe situation. I am my only best friend. Only I can provide for my own needs and look out for myself. There is really no such entity called "society." Anarchy has already disintegrated all social structures. We essentially have people who are no better than cattle.
I perused Anonder's journal site during the week. I read his new section titled "Sociology." I also read his preface concerning his financial success. Anonder seemed to be quite correct when he asserted that we both are very similar. I also noted that he had owned a condo at one time. I am not sure about why he sold it off, but the latter event may be why he has been adamant about persuading me to sell Chez Loser.
Another agenda item that I have been debating is when I should open the gateway to the most current journal chapters. After I had to edit the journal to remove any reference to the former friend, I deliberately closed the gateway to the latest chapters. Obviously, there are a few people who had bookmarked the later chapters. I surmise that the gateway will be open again by the end of the year.
Moms called an invited me to dinner on Saturday October 22nd. My bro and I drank a couple of Guiness. We also watched a movie. I really did not enjoy the time there. I would rather just visit when only moms is home.
On Sunday, I discovered that a unit in the building adjacent to Chez Loser was up for sale. The same unit was up for sale just about a month after I had taken possession of Chez Loser. I overheard the owner (he's selling it himself) as he chatted with a few people during the Open House. He is asking $370,000 (leasehold). The fee is available for $64,000 or so. I recollected that the unit sold for $239,000 two years ago. The unit has been investment property. In other words, the owner has been renting it out. I just hope that I will be able to cash in when March rolls around.
An article about local homeless people appeared in the Honolulu Advertiser on October 24th. The situation for the homeless on O'ahu is quite bleak. There have been various police "sweeps" around the island to clear out the homeless. The homeless have been dispersed to remote and often dangerous areas. If I were to become homeless in March, I would face the same predicament. Theft and physical harm were cited as the major risks of being homeless in Hawai'i. Obviously, the homeless option is no longer a viable one.
On Monday evening, I chatted with one of the building maintenance guys who cleans the faculty computer room. I asked about his job and how I could apply for a similar position. I am seriously considering a night janitor job as my new career. When I returned to Chez Loser, I could hear a lot of stomping upstairs. IdiotBoy! Yes, the moron has returned to the safety of the "cocoon." I have noted that IdiotBoy has picked up most of his annoying habits from his mommy. His mommy is a real brain donor. I am still puzzled about how the two morons are able to support themselves financially. I am certain that IdiotBoy's mommy only works on Saturday. The rest of the week, the fat tub of lard is at home stomping around or sleeping. How do morons like this get to enjoy a life of leisure when the rest of us must bust our asses?
On Tuesday evening, IdiotBoy's mommy was on the phone talking to IdiotBoy about his job situation. The clown is apparently being targeted for termination. One of the bosses is harassing him. IdiotBoy's mommy wants him to get fired. "I've been keeping a record of everything," she told the moron. "It's defamation of character." At 11:40pm, IdiotBoy returned home. He was still talking with his mommy on the phone. The moron began stomping around. IdiotBoy and his mommy got into a heated debate, albeit a non-intellectual one. This bullshit went on past midnight.
On Wednesday, I filled out another incident report about the two morons and submitted it to the resident manager. Lori sent e-mail. She wrote that she was going to be in town having lunch with a few friends. I called her. We ended up meeting for 15 minutes. I told her about how I was getting preliminary information from Debbie, my realtor, and from Brenda, my banker, for the upcoming sale of Chez Loser. Shirley had called early in the morning and left a message. She noticed that Matt, another former Asylum student, had his own exercise program on the tube.
Petrol prices dropped below $3 per gallon. It drop further next week. No matter what the price, nothing deters the amount of incessant driving going on. My retirement account, primarily the bond fund, is taking a beating. It has lost $300 in less than a month. I'm not concerned because it still bears interest income at 4.25 percent. The bond market is reacting to the prospect of yet another short-term interest rate hike by the Fed.
I remembered that I once pondered why Anonder never spent any of his $1.5+ million. Surely, he could afford to indulge in a few luxuries for himself. Not until I actually had more money in the bank did I realize that his reasons were sound. Anonder emphasized the fact that money bought freedom. In addition, no amount of money is enough to satisfy anyone's whims. I realized that I do not have much money, and whatever I have could vanish quite rapidly. Therefore, I have maintained a strict policy of capital preservation.
I returned home on Wednesday night only to be privy to yet another episode of stupidity with the morons upstairs. IdiotBoy returned home shortly after I did. An argument with mommy quickly ensued. About two hours later, there was yet another argument. IdiotBoy's mommy did not want him to go out. IdiotBoy left anyway, promising to be back at midnight. At 12:45am, the gimp returned. He must have been drinking because he was slamming every door and drawer in the dump, all the while stomping around and talking at the top of his lungs. His mommy told him that she doesn't like living in the Chez Loser complex. Well, duh, move your fat ass out then! IdiotBoy's mommy wants to move into a nice "senior" complex. The loud conversation went on for another twenty minutes.
I filed another incident report with Ron, the resident manager, on Thursday morning. He told me that the idiots had notified the management that they were moving out. From what I could tell, they ain't moving anywhere. My guess is that they are having a tough time finding another place. Rentals are in high demand. IdiotBoy's mommy left early in the morning. On the way out, she chatted with a neighbors. Apparently, she is working part-time. I surmised that IdiotBoy's peon paycheck must figure into the rent equation. The rent in the Chez Loser complex is on average higher than my mortgage.
Things seem to be getting a little bleak for the Shrub administration. After I was ridiculed for being a "conspiracy theorist" amongst other labels, I decided to wash my hands of this crap. However, I find it beyond humorous that almost all of the allegations by the alternative press have finally surfaced as truth. In addition, we are seeing more and more of this sludge surfacing. The uproar now comes when it's too late.
To be continued ... Go to E.27
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