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Glass Menagerie
In the Heat of the Night

Sunday November 17, 2002

This has been a long year. As I looked back through the journal, I relived a lot of the crap that I had to put up with. Roach is still due a "facial" from me because of the hell the little prick had put me through back in May. Then, there is the foolishness of the last two months concerning the former "limerant object." What is even more amazing is that LoserNet is about to enter its eighth year of existence. I am not even sure what to make of this. The sheer volume of the material is mind boggling. I could have written several novels by now. Why do I continue to write this garbage? Well, if it were not for the journal, I wouldn't even own a computer. Heck, if it weren't for the journal, I wouldn't be employed. Prior to developing LoserNet, I had little interest in computers. Now, I am a Computer Science pseudo-professor at the Diploma Mill. I am the low man on the totem pole, but I am far better off than I was ten years ago or even five years ago, for that matter. I was essentially a shiftless bum for 25 years, barely surviving on a marginal income. I should have crashed and burned, but that never happened. In my darkest hour, I was given a reprieve and an escape route. To most people, I am still a big loser. I won't refute that. However, they do not know that I really should have ended up on Skid Row. LoserNet was founded when I was in graduate school. The original site was on the university's servers. In actuality, I should have never been admitted to graduate school. I barely made it through my undergrad years. The fluke that allowed me to matriculate into a graduate program was the turning point in my life. However, I started floundering again toward the end of my tenure, although I still had LoserNet. That's when I made the journey to Oregon, rather than look for a job. Indirectly, that's what brought me back to Hawai'i. The sum of all of my computer knowledge was directly tied with LoserNet. With that, I moved back to Hawai'i, landed the consulting job, and finally, my career as a pseudo-professor. Some say that my story is boring and redundant. Is it really? To me, it serves as a reminder of the series of small miracles that brought me back to life. So, what's next? Will I end up with the former "limerant object"? That would be something, wouldn't it? All I know is that LoserNet is the reason I ended up where I am. And, from what I can tell, it will continue to serve that purpose indefinitely. Maybe I'll spare Roach that "facial."

I read Al Martin's latest article with grave concern. I concur with his conclusion that the Shrub regime is planning to enslave the masses. All of this "homeland security" crap is merely a ruse to conceal the real nefarious purpose (i.e., establish a fascist military state). When all hell breaks loose, which it will, there must be a means to suppress the uprisings. There are a variety of real crises looming on the horizon. On a side note, American Century sent a notice detailing that several funds are changing status. They are to be offered only though financial advisors and will include a sales fee. Included are my money market and bond funds. Odd, isn't it? This comes immediately after the Fed's interest rate reduction. All of the alternative financial news sources are warning of large problems in both of these sectors. I am beginning to wonder if the financial system will collapse before I can complete my five-year plan. My only alternatives are to convert to gold bullion or to a stable currency (unlikely since the dollar is considered the world's reserve currency). Or, I could purchase a cheap home or condo (read: real property) immediately. When the banking system collapses, there won't be any foreclosures. I surmise that we all need to enjoy life while we can. Liberty should be a universal right. However, it is in the evil nature of humans, when in a position of power, to oppress the masses by robbing them blind and exterminating them. These particular evil ones cloak themselves with apostate symbols of false religion. Look in their eyes as they speak. You will see the sinister kahuna.

Fatigue and lethargy continued to plague me throughout the day. I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair. During my conscious moments, I pondered the "situation." I finally realized that there is no "situation." This is just the way it is. No amount of contingency planning is going to change anything. There are relatively few certainties that I can plan for, one being my own survival. I suppose that I became ungrateful and impatient again. It takes a keen eye to see progress amidst the redundancy in the last seven years of my recorded history. As usual, I walked to the gym and did a mediocre cardio workout. I was even more tired than usual, so I had to force myself to go. When I returned home, I once again unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave. I was treated to some truly psychotic classical pieces which, I might add, enhanced the ambiance. I'll spend the rest of the evening listening to music. My iBook will also be here to keep me company.

Monday November 18

I'm really not sure what to make of the day. I was in a bad way this morning when I arrived at the Asylum. I am trying to get as many things done before the end of the term, which occurs two days from now. I was working on my syllabi when Mary Ann came by at a little after ten o' clock. She had a hardware textbook that she wanted me to look at. Naturally, we ended up chatting for an hour. Then, I had to switch classrooms. Mary Ann went to get another cup of hot tea and came back. We talked for two more hours. The textbook discussion lasted only a few minutes. I asked how her weekend went. "Horrible," she said. "I'd rather come to work." That led into her family situation. A lot of the problems seem to deal with money. We also discussed the Asylum and Team Roach. It was an interesting discussion. It seems as though she is a little more comfortable talking with the old monk. So, at least I will have another friend just like Shirley. I gave Mary Ann a few tips about her student loans. She attempted to pull the "dumb" routine on me several times. I told her to "save it for the new guys." She also told me that she wouldn't mind a job similar to what some of the other babes do at the Asylum. I was expecting her to tell me that sooner or later. She has been associating with a lot of the other babes on staff. Many of them are graduates of the Asylum and they work clerical jobs for low wages. They are also all Filipina babes. I keep trying to tell Mary Ann that she is different from the locals because she has spent time on the mainland. She has a USC degree. Now, she wants to deliberately take several steps backwards just for peer acceptance. I surmise that she will just give up one day and hook up with a loser, and that will be it. Yep, that will surely bring her peer acceptance. There's not much that I can do. I will continue to tell her what I think, but the choice is really in her hands.

My day at the Diploma Mill was better than usual. I did a few mini-lectures, which made me feel as though I was doing my job. I have also been spending time searching for new instructor resources to use in the future. I am planning to revamp all of my classes at both the Asylum and the Diploma Mill. As I stated previously, I'm not sure what to make of the day. My hurdy-gurdy DVD chock full of Asian babes arrived today. That's about as close as I'll get to hookin' up with an Asian babe. My call is that of a monk. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tuesday November 19

I arrived late at the Asylum because traffic was backed up due to some kind of stupidity. I ran into Grecy, one of my students, in the hall at about ten o' clock. "Boss was looking for her 'best friend,' but you were not in your room," she said. "You were out wandering around somewhere." A few minutes later, "Boss" (aka Mary Ann) walked into my class. I was sitting in one of the schoolboy chairs, as usual. Mary Ann sat down at the table next me. She had a bagel in a Ziploc bag. "What's this?" I asked. "You're bringing bagels now?' I held up my bagel in a Ziploc bag, which has been a trademark of mine for months. She laughed and joked about how I have influenced her. We ended up chatting for over two hours.

We discussed the textbook again. She had listed a series of questions and put it in my mailbox earlier. I had typed out a report in response. She also told me that some of the staff have been asking about her job situation. Mary Ann had apparently made some comment about not knowing how long she will be employed at the Asylum. Last night, she returned to the Asylum to pick up the Sunday classifieds because her sister wanted them. It was a stupid scenario, but Lisa (student services coordinator) was there when Mary Ann returned. A little rumor is now going around. "Lisa said that I should talk to Roach about the job. She said he's pretty good about those kinds of things," she added, bursting out in laughter because she referred to Roach as Roach. We also discussed Team Roach. Mary Ann mentioned that she was thinking of buying a car from the girlfriend of the brother of one of her friends. All of her other friends thought that it was a great idea. "I thought about about what you said ... the car insurance and all the other expenses ... so I didn't buy it," she said, although she seemed a little perturbed. I was actually surprised that she remembered a lot of my comments and suggestions, though she is not often in agreement.

Raelynn stopped by and offered us some Almond Roca candy. I took two pieces because Raelynn kept insisting. Later, Tiara came by. I gave her an Almond Roca because that is her favorite candy. Mary Ann said that her favorite candies are Snickers and Reese's. Kevin came by at 11am, signaling that it was time for me to switch classrooms. However, Mary Ann and I just stayed there and continued talking. I did manage to take roll and dismiss my class first. Mary Ann showed me her USC identification card and her alumni card. Then, we chatted about more nonsense until it was time for all of us to go.

I was a little fatigued after our conversation, but not because it was laborious. Rather, the difficulty stems from the fact that I was sitting across and talking with the former "limerant object" for an extended period of time. When put in this context, I am sure you can imagine how fatiguing that was for the ol' lavahead. I went to the gym to do my usual workout. I was in a trance, but not the euphoric kind. I tried to figure out why I am so strongly attracted to baby, aside from the obvious. Whatever it is, it is driving me berserk. All I know is that I need to expunge this foolish nonsense from my mind. Otherwise, it will be my undoing. The strong feelings of infatuation are gone. I no longer feel restless. Yet, in her presence, there is an even stronger attraction, albeit a unilateral one. Lord have mercy!

Wednesday November 20

Whom do other people confide their deepest thoughts and feelings? Or, where do they share their life stories? I have been pondering these questions for a reason. There was a turning point for the journal, when I dared to increase my disclosures. What I mean, of course, is the addition of my thoughts and feelings. I had always kept a journal ever since high school. However, every incarnation since then have been divested, the last being the Festival of the Broken Chain. I vaguely remember discussing this in the legacy journal. As I look back, I realize that I have never disclosed many secrets to anyone. Now, there are few secrets since I have revealed just about everything in the current journal. In fact, I can't think of anything that is a secret any longer. Every few days, I search for another journal to read. I am looking for one which is similar to my own in concept because I am, I suppose, searching for a vicarious connection. I realize what's missing in contemporary society. Intimacy. No, not da wild thing. I'm talking about the ability to share our life story with others. For all of the advances in technology and communication, we've become an even more compartmentalized society. The "taboos" of sharing personal information has become even more rigid. There is a great fear of divulging too much. That's why life has become so cheap. We never become intimately connected, so we don't really care. This, in turn, stunts our spirituality. Now I know why I feel so disconnected. And, I also know why I must write this journal. I am somewhat comforted in knowing that someone knows who I am. The real monk. The Keeper of Lost Lives. Yet, I am still puzzled. To whom do you share your whole story with?

Mary Ann had another textbook for me to review this morning. I am not exactly sure why she wants me to do this. I dismissed my classes early and sat in Kevin's class to finish my grading. Mary Ann came by at 10:30am. She sat with us and chatted. It was more like a party since students were coming and going. Many of them joined in the on-going conversation. Mary Ann mentioned that she had applied for a job at the Diploma Mill. I tried to find it on-line, but it wasn't listed. Raelynn brought more candy. At eleven o' clock, one of the staff members from the first floor came by to get Mary Ann to check out some kind of computer problem. All of them know better than to ask Kevin or I anymore. About 30 minutes later, Mary Ann returned to rejoin the festivities. We were all joking around and having a great time. It was difficult for us to wind it down when the time came for us to go. As I was leaving, I saw Mary Ann sitting with Riz, one of the babes from Student Services. She got up and summoned me. She then showed me the classified listing for the job at the Diploma Mill. I joked around with both of them again briefly before finally departing.

I walked to the Diploma Mill, all the while feeling totally disconnected in a surreal way. When I arrived at the faculty computer room, I immediately connected to Netscape Radio and tuned into the House channel. All I could think about was how good the former "limerant object" looked today. This was the last day of classes, so I won't be chatting with baby for a while. I did not submit my grades yet, so I have to stop in the Asylum on Friday. Perhaps I did this deliberately so I would have a reason to see her again. Aside from that, I will not have to return to the Asylum until next Wednesday for the new student orientation. I went through the motions of a pseudo-professor for the rest of the afternoon. I also talked to a few key people about the job opening at the Asylum and compiled a quick report. I walked back to the Asylum during my break between classes to give the former "limerant object" the rundown. I am such a fool. As I sit here now with my beloved iBook, I can see that the "crush" is ramping up again. I need a "Time-out" with a capital "T." This whole situation is completely out of hand. Frankly, I don't know what to do except to ride it out. I am absolutely certain that nothing will ever happen, yet I am plagued by this overwhelming compulsion. I feel as though I have been possessed by a sinister force. Maybe it's time for me to call the Monastery Exorcism Team. Sheesh!

Thursday November 21

Like a lost soul, I spent most of last night listening to GrooveTech while perusing various on-line journals. However, there was no consolation for me throughout this benign activity. I even stuffed my face with lard-based cookies. I forgot to mention that I had filled out the new Asylum ballot for "Faculty of the Year" and "Staff of the Year" yesterday. I voted for Kevin and Mary Ann, respectively. I showed the ballot to Mary Ann. She grabbed it out of my hand and crumpled it up. Then, she laughed. Later, I obtained another ballot and replicated my entries. Kevin voted for the ol' lavahead and Mary Ann, respectively. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, I am looking at a situation that is rapidly careening out of control. I have been trying to figure out why this is happening, but my mind is in a befuddled state. Then, there's the laughable "out of sight, out of mind" policy that I devised over a week ago. What a joke! At this point in time, I can no longer trust my judgment. What am I going to do?

I was somewhat fatigued this morning because I did not sleep well. The Jeep dealer has received my order finally, so I will be able to complete the repairs on my six-four. I will probably pick up the part tomorrow. The ride on the regular street bus was relaxing for once. I arrived in town at eleven o' clock. I withdrew some dough from the teller machine at my bank. Then, I walked over to the faculty computer room. Pseudo-professor Dorothy was there. She was too busy to chat. I did a few foolish tasks. Then, I walked to the post office to buy some stamps. After that, I decided to restore my monk haircut. The end result looked stupid. That's the whole idea behind the monk haircut. It is certainly not to impress babes. I went to the gym at the usual time. As I descended the stairs, I saw my favorite Asian babe on one of the Lifecycles. What a hottie! I did my usual workout, and took the first express bus out of town. When I returned home, I found that Caroll had called and left a message. She also sent me e-mail. She has changed her e-mail address and phone number again. I just can't keep up with that nonsense. I'm not sure when I will respond.

It was very difficult for me to make it through the day, not having seen the "limerant object." Yes, I had to upgrade her status. I will have to stop by the Asylum tomorrow because I have to submit my grades and drop off a book. So, this will probably be another GrooveTech and iBook evening. I will also be pondering why I have no desire to hook up with an extremely thick, middle-aged, near-sighted, half-crazed babe with an attitude. The answer is obvious. Seriously, I have pondered this question before. One major problem is that the ol' lavahead does not look his age. I'm not complaining, mind you. When I was in my thirties, I looked as though I was in my early twenties. Right now, most people are guessing that I am in my early thirties. I was slightly perturbed when I first heard that but, in retrospect, that's still a compliment. After all, I am just a step away from the big Five-O. What is the secret to looking young? My thesis is that one must think and act young. I'm starting to age quicker now that I have been forced into wage slavery. However, being around college students all the time helps to stave off the effects of aging. Well, I just hope that I don't have any intrusive thoughts about the "limerant object" tonight. Ho boy!

Friday November 22

Last night, I decided that I must take a stand concerning the "limerant object." My decision is simple — mummify the situation right now. Mind over matter. Many of my normal medulla functions have already shut down. I am now in survival mode with my fragile mental state nearing total collapse. I still possess the ability to process logic. Clearly, this situation is going nowhere. I am merely reacting to the forces of desperation simply because Ol' Lavahead Day is one week away. I should have seen this coming and been better prepared. The sinister kahuna has been working overtime to give me grief. I seem to have forgotten my own prophesy: "The tribulation will increase with each passing month. I will be pushed to the limit of sanity. I will be tempted with what I cannot have. Then, I will be denied my dignity." Mind over matter. Mummify. Now.

The bus ride to town was unnerving. I got off near Dillingham Blvd and walked to the Jeep dealer. The flexible circuit board cost $50 with tax. Hopefully I will be able to repair my six-four so that I can take it in for the "safety check" next month. I returned to town and disembarked at the stop by the Asylum. I completed and submitted my grades. I did not see the "limerant object." I left immediately for the Diploma Mill. Pseudo-professors Ralph and Mari were in the faculty computer room when I arrived. We only chatted briefly. I took care of a lot of miscellaneous faculty paperwork. My classes at the Diploma Mill were relaxing, since only a handful of people showed up. Once I returned home, I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave in order to enjoy an evening of psychotic classical pieces on public radio.

I spent most of the day reflecting on the nonsense which has essentially been an emotional rollercoaster ride. The anticipation of turning yet another year older is implicated in this debacle. However, this crap really was not supposed to happen until the big Five-O. Whassup wi' dat? My chance encounter with Mary Ann appears to be the true catalyst that caused a complete meltdown. In the aftermath, I am trying to pick up the pieces and restore some semblance of sanity. I keep forgetting that I am a damned monk. I took a break and stuffed my face with more lard-based cookies. I felt much better, although I would have enjoyed a bottle of the "Hammer" more. Lord knows, I need to be sedated. After further sifting through this crap, I realized that I must stay on target. Nothing must impede my five-year plan. That's the only workable plan I have. Everything else has gone down the toilet. Perhaps I should buy a tube. All of the losers rely heavily upon it for entertainment, or dare I say, psychological sedation. All I know is that I have to forget about the babe situation. It's a lost cause. I need to get busy and map out my contingency plan. There is no other recourse. Mummify. Now.

Saturday November 23

After I uploaded the journal last night, I checked my e-mail. First, let me say that I have several e-mail accounts for LoserNet. There are two accounts for the Diploma Mill, one unused account for the Asylum, and one set up for "general purpose." I also use the general purpose account to receive e-mail from Team Roach. So, there is an annoying auto-responder message. I have set the filters to send most Asylum e-mail directly to the trash. I also use this particular account to correspond with people whom I do not wish to give clues concerning the journal. I had one new e-mail sitting in the inbox. At first, I thought that it was from Pseudo-professor John since I had just responded to an earlier e-mail from him. When I looked, I saw that it was from Mary Ann. Ho boy! She mentioned that she has an interview at the Diploma Mill next Wednesday. She was concerned that I might have had something to do with that. Oddly, she is not planning to accept the offer, if she gets one. Say what? She also mentioned that Roach wants her to teach a few classes. Finally, she said that she hasn't gone over to the "dark side" yet. She apparently used her Yahoo! e-mail account, although the reply was redirected to her Road Runner inbox. The only e-mail that I ever received from her was sent through her Asylum account. The time stamp seems to indicate that she was still at work when it was sent, so I am curious why she did not use the Asylum account. She once told me that she corresponds with her friends primarily through e-mail these days. I am not sure what to make of this latest development. However, it's fairly obvious that the sinister kahuna is pulling out all the stops to bring the ol' lavahead down.

I was very fatigued this morning. My mind had been playing tricks on me all night. Moms wanted to me to go along with her to Ala Moana. I was not in the mood to fight the crowds. So, I stuffed my face with lard-based cookies. Later, I decided to continue the repairs on my six-four. The project seemed to go well. I cleaned all of the parts and assembled the gauge panel. I took a break and walked to Koko Marina. I bought a tube of dielectric compound at NAPA Auto Parts. Then, I went to the gym to do my mediocre workout. When I returned home, I applied the dielectric compound to the exposed copper on the circuit board. I plugged the gauge panel in. Everything seemed to work fine, so I put the dashboard back together. Then, I started up my six-four. Two of the gauges were now not working properly. I was ready to lose it. So, I did my yardboy chores to take my mind off of my decrepit six-four. I took the recycling in and drove straight to Foodland. Yep, when all else fails, drop 'em back! I purchased a bottle of Vendage Chardonnay. I discovered that Shirley had called earlier. In her message, she said that she has to work tonight but I could call her cell number. Well, I no longer have her cell number because I had wiped my Palm address book clean in a fit of rage a while back. So, I sent her e-mail.

I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave. I am listening to XME tonight. That's the kind of mood I'm in. If I had a damned blog, I would have a mood icon visible. Maybe I should convert the journal to a blog. I am physically fatigued from mowing the whole yard with a WeedWhacker and mentally fatigued from ... well, you know why. I am just about ready to pop the cork. Booyah! Damned plastic cork. Let's have a sip of the fine vintage now, shall we? Oh yes, better than a babe when no babe is around. You know, there sure has been a lot of discussion about the "limerant object" considering that I have supposedly mummified the situation. Perhaps I should discuss my Bose Acoustic Wave instead. Most audiophiles despise Bose products. Can't say that I blame them. I just want big sound from a small package. Why am I discussing the Bose Acoustic Wave? I should be confessing the real reason why I have not mummified the situation yet. Maybe I don't really want to mummify the situation. Maybe I really want to go for broke, but I am worried about my reputation as a monk. Yeah, right. Maybe I really want to go for broke, but I don't want to make a complete fool of myself. Can you tell that the fake "Hammer" is starting to kick in?

Yesterday, at the Diploma Mill, Alana (the Miss Teen contestant) asked me for a reference letter. The problem was that she needed it right away. I found a template on the Net and had her draft the letter. Then, I added the finishing touches and printed it on Diploma Mill letterhead. We had quite a laugh rewording some of her verbiage. The letter was for a pageant that she is participating in. As a matter of fact, she flew to the mainland today. Most faculty would not do something like this because a reference letter is a serious matter. Since I am "marginal" faculty, I do not mind. I'm not sure if the pageant is to be televised. If you happen to see it, she is representing Southern Cali. I am beginning to feel sedated. My nerves are shot, and no one here really knows why. Yep, I have only disclosed this matter in the journal. I am going to spend the rest of the evening with my Bose Acoustic Wave and my beloved iBook. Just another Saturday night. Sheesh!

Sunday November 24

Last night, Shirley sent me e-mail when she returned home from work. She had tried to call, but I was on-line at the time. I logged off and called her. Although I was somewhat delirious from the effect of the fire water, I managed to carry on a coherent conversation with her. We talked for over two hours about the usual nonsense. Shirley said that Erin, the English instructor, was in the hospital. She suffered a mild stroke. Erin is only 27 years old. Shirley also wanted to make plans for Ol' Lavahead Day. We may be going out to dinner instead of lunch. We also discussed da wild thing. It's too bad that the "limerant object" doesn't call up the ol' lavahead to chat, eh?

I was feeling a little groggy this morning. However, I was devoid of any foolish thoughts. After I had talked with Shirley, I lapsed into a coma in my favorite chair while the psychotic classical pieces played on. I came to at 1:30am. I am not certain whether I can handle sedating myself like this on a regular basis. Thus, sedation may not an option. I removed the instrument cluster from my six-four and inspected it. Everything looked fine. I unboxed my battery charger and connected it to the battery. Looks like my battery is ready to give out. I just bought that battery less than three years ago. The new alternator could also be a culprit. Really, I should sell my six-four. Because I do not drive it often, it is falling apart. That's another reason why I do not want to own anything. The humidity and the salt in the air corrodes everything. I must constantly wrap or box everything up like a psycho. Frankly, this ritual is fatiguing.

The grogginess continued throughout the day. Moms' washing machine gave out today. As I said, everything just doesn't last here in Corrosion City. I put the dashboard of my six-four back together. I removed and inspected the oil pressure sender. I managed to discover that the ground cable to the battery was loose. I set the battery charger to trickle mode and left it for most of the day. That battery has been through a lot, especially when the alternator gave out a few month ago. I walked to the gym and did a mediocre cardio workout. I was still suffering from the effects of the fire water. When I returned, I washed my six-four. It actually looks pretty good considering its age. I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave. Yep, another exciting evening of psychotic classical pieces on public radio. Wait! Where's my iBook? Right next to me, of course.

Monday November 25

Last night, I noticed that Barbara (in Portland) didn't mince any words in Speak! III by LoserNet. "Make the move or go insane," she said. Apparently, I prefer insanity. Naturally, I had to tune in to GrooveTech while I pondered what amounts to my only two options. The fire water has cleared my mind. I will also have a reprieve from seeing (read: out of sight, out of mind) the "limerant object" for a week. So, I should return to a more objective mindset and be able to make a qualified decision. At this point in time, I am inclined to renew my vows as a monk. Then, I decided to check my e-mail. In the inbox was another e-mail from ... ho boy!

Well, as you may have guessed, the "limerant object" sent that e-mail. She described the level of stress that she is going through because of the upcoming interview at the Diploma Mill. She is also considering the option to facilitate a few classes at the Asylum in addition to her current duties, as per Roach's offer. I responded with a lengthy e-mail, pointing out the advantages of both positions. I then left the decision in her hands. Of course, the "limerant object" may not have any idea of the stress that she has been putting me through. Sheesh! The ride to town on the regular street bus was not too bad. After I disembarked, I went to Long's to buy a B-day card to send to Rod. Then, I walked to the Diploma Mill. I wrote a brief note and mailed the card off. My classes this afternoon were uneventful. I happened to see Pseudo-professor Robert in the faculty computer room during one of my breaks. We really did not get to chat.

Vanessa finally sent me e-mail. She has moved to Foster Village with her mom. Her mom was able to sell the apartment and buy a home. Vanessa was not very happy about that because the bus ride for her will increase by an hour. She is apparently working somewhere, but she had to defer the topic for later. I am curious to hear what she's been up to. Before I forget, I should delineate on my conversation with Shirley the other night. I have noticed that she has become much more open in her discussions. Lately, da wild thing has been a topic. I'm not even sure how we end up talking about that. I believe that we were talking about relationships. She said that she wasn't sure that she could abstain from da wild thing if she got involved with another guy. I made a few pointed comments. Then, she asked me what I thought would be reasonable insofar as frequency of activity is concerned.

"At least once a day, preferably four or five times a day," I replied.

"What, are you speaking from experience?" she asked, sounding slightly flustered.

"Of course not," I retorted, "I'm a damned monk."

Shirley broke out in laughter. Alas, another day has gone by. For some reason, I had several discussions with a few babes concerning the ol' lavahead's age. I am particularly sensitive to this subject this week. In fact, I have been unnerved ever since. Then, I have not really been given a reprieve from the "limerant object." I have been wondering if she senses my interest in her and she is reminding me of her power. Babes seem to like to do that whether they are handmaiden material or not. I'm just glad that I have my trusty iBook.

Tuesday November 26

In the heat of the night, the mind can play many tricks upon its owner. My mind has been clear for two days now, even though I was slightly distracted by the e-mail from Mary Ann. The difference, of course, is that I have not seen her. The e-mail had been essentially harmless. I can downgrade her status. The danger has passed. In seeing things much clearer, I must admit that there was much ado about nothing. My imagination simply went berserk. In practical terms, nothing could have happened. Aside from the damned age issue, there are numerous other roadblocks. I am essentially poor, and I am not going to split my life savings (read: chump change) with any babe. And, I am not going to be taken to the cleaners either. That said, this whole issue is now moot. When I finally return to the Asylum, I will be a new man. A reformed monk. End story.

I had no reason to go to town, but I did so anyway. The bus ride was uneventful. When I arrived at the faculty computer room, I immediately tuned in to GrooveTech. Pseudo-professors Dorothy and Ralph were there. We ended up chatting for a while. I did absolutely nothing important. GrooveTech was my main priority. I also sent an e-mail to the former "limerant object," wishing her well in the Diploma Mill interview tomorrow and also to wish her a happy Turkey Day since I won't see her tomorrow at the Asylum. I went to the gym to do my usual workout. Then, I took the first express bus out of town. I will spend the evening with my beloved iBook. That's a given. GrooveTech will also keep me company.

Wednesday November 27

I have not slept well in the last few days, which increased my fatigue tenfold. The strange dreams have made a comeback. I have not been able to ascertain the root of the problem, but my guess is that the former "limerant object" has had a direct bearing on the latter. The stress level is further augmented by the fact that the countdown to Ol' Lavahead Day is now at two days. Sheesh! Everything is starting to come apart at the seams because of a simple perception — that I am living in the Viagra Years. Now, I really feel dumb for having a crush on a 22-year-old babe. What am I? Some kind of closet pedophile? Even GrooveTech can't help me now. The year is rapidly drawing to a close. I have no fond memories. So far, the only good thing is that I am not dreading the coming of the new year. I know that I am in the home stretch of my five-year financial plan. All I have to do is get this crazy notion about babes out of my head.

I arrived at the Asylum fairly early. As I walked past the student lounge, I saw Mary Ann sitting at a table with a few of the staff. I went about my business. I ended up sitting in an empty computer lab so I could check my e-mail. A few minutes later, Mary Ann came by to chat. I was actually somewhat perturbed because my "out of sight, out of mind" policy was thwarted. While we were talking, Steve, one of the student government officers walked in and joined the conversation. At one point, Steve brought up the matter of my monk life-style. I was actually glad that he did. I went into detail about being a monk. "You're not a monk," said Mary Ann. Then, she laughed. At ten o' clock, I had to get ready for my presentation. Mary Ann then told me that she did not know exactly where the interview at the Diploma Mill was being held. I told her that I could walk her over there after the presentation, or she could meet me along Fort Street Mall a few minutes before the interview. She opted for the former. The presentation was a joke. There were only three people. I actually did not even have to be there, which meant that I could have avoided seeing the former "limerant object."

After the presentation, Mary Ann and I walked to the Diploma Mill. She had to light up a cigarette because she was "stressed out." We first stopped off at the faculty computer room so I could drop off my stuff. I introduced her to Pseudo-professor Mari. I also had to retrieve a book that I had to take back to the Asylum. We took the elevator to the fourth floor. I showed her where she had to be. Then, we departed for the Asylum. I dropped off the book and then chatted with Mary Ann for a bit at her cubicle. I suggested that she stop by my class at the Diploma Mill after the interview. I walked back to the Diploma Mill and went about my business. I discovered that one of my classes for the next term may be canceled. At about 2:30pm, Mary Ann stopped by my class. She said that the interview went well. We talked for a little while, but she had to return to the Asylum. I wished her a Happy Turkey Day. Then, I watched her as she walked away. What a fine babe she is, I said to myself.

I had previously talked to Lori, one of the people who was doing the hiring for the position. So, she knew that Mary Ann was an acquaintance of mine, although Mary Ann did not want me to "assist" her in any way. At about 3pm, I was walking to the department office when I saw Lori walking with another woman. She waved me over. She seemed very impressed with Mary Ann and also really took a liking to her. I asked how she ranked. Mary Ann appears to be the front runner. "You couldn't have picked a better person," I said. From what Mary Ann told me, I believe that she will accept this position if it is offered to her. I did what I could, against her wishes. You may be wondering why. As I watched Mary Ann when she walked away, I knew that I may never see her around for a long time after this. Even though I work for the Diploma Mill, there will be little chance that I would run into her more than once a year. Out of sight, out of mind. Mummify.

Moms is planning to cook a turkey tomorrow. Naturally, the Ninja Turds will be coming by. I had hoped that they would not come by because the the little crapper's B-day is tomorrow as well. No reprieve for the oversized cranium obviously. So, I plan to take the bus to town and go to the gym. The trip should take me several hours, which will minimize my exposure to the Turds.

Thursday November 28

Today is Thanksgiving Day. It is somewhat of a useless tradition since the pilgrims themselves were evil and exploitive. I looked back at the Thanksgiving festivities of the past few years. What a joke! I spent the time droppin' back cheap brewskis while moms entertained the Ninja Turds. I suppose that I also desperately wanted a babe so I could escape this crap, amongst other things. I am thankful that I met Mary Ann. She made me feel young again. I felt as though I was Caine as the Sorcerer in Shock to the System. Although I am sure that she has no interest in an old fool, she did bring some excitement into his life. I am thankful to be alive and well so I could experience all of this foolishness. This has been a great life, even with the heartache and pain. Even with the foolishness and the disappointments. Most of life is a dream. It happens in the mind. Yet, is it any less real? I'll have that one particular dream for a while. Yes, this has been a great life. I am thankful to have been the one to live it.

Moms was still busy cooking when I left for town on the bus. I arrived at noon and went straight to the gym. When I checked in, the front desk babe asked if today was my birthday. I was somewhat chagrined because of yet another unpleasant reminder of the inevitable. However, I enjoyed my workout as the gym was not very crowded. While I was finishing up with my cardio workout on the Transporter-like machine, I was privy to hear "Baby" by Ashanti on the gym's audio system. Let's just say that my mind wandered. I was reminded of the former "limerant object." After I left the gym, I did not have to wait long for the bus. I disembarked at Koko Head Park. The park was very peaceful for once. I had a chance to clear my mind. Out of sight, out of mind. I felt good. Both Kevin and Shirley had called and left messages. I called Kevin back. He invited me to join him and his family at his parent's house. I declined because I was gone for most of the day. I should spend the evening at home. We discussed the usual Asylum nonsense, since I had sent e-mail to Kevin last night detailing some of the crap. I called Shirley back. She wanted to finalize the plans for dinner tomorrow night. However, she wanted me to decide which restaurant we would be going to. I'm a mainlander. I don't know any of these places. So, I will have to call her back later this evening. Her family is having a big Thanksgiving dinner, As for me, I will spend my evening with my Bose Acoustic Wave and my iBook.

I should note here that my bro came by to talk with me briefly. He had been here earlier with the rest of his family, but he was at the neighbor's place for most of the time. We talked cordially about mundane nonsense. I felt bad for perpetuating the stupidity for so long, although I mentioned nothing. There were no apologies. I will leave it at that. We are now on neutral ground.

Ol' Lavahead Day 2002

Well, it's finally here. The dreaded Ol' Lavahead Day. Let me clear up one point — the ol' lavahead is now 48 years old. There would be a discrepancy of one year if the calculation was based on the legacy journal, The Life and Times of a 41-Year-Old Virgin. Today is also Buy Nothing Day, which is great because it coincides with my own beliefs about materialism. Yes, everything has been building up to this moment. Now, it's time for the denouement. I spent most of the day lapsing in and out of a coma in my favorite chair. Later, I walked to the gym. I had to listen to piped-in moldy oldies while I did my cardio workout. I could remember when all those songs first made any radio playlist, and that was a long time ago. I was significantly unnerved. That's another reason why I went to the gym downtown yesterday. I was able to listen to piped-in R&B jams.

Shirley came by close to six o' clock. She was dolled up, wearing a red patterned skirt and a black sweater top. Shirley is quite a babe. I asked her if she would like me to carry my can of pepper spray. "I may have to spray down quite a few guys when they see you," I said. Shirley was also able to meet moms tonight. We left shortly afterward. Shirley had made reservations at Kincaid's at the Ward Warehouse. We had a pleasant dinner. Kincaid's is one of those places that serves up food to look like some kind of sculpture. After dinner, we walked to the new Ward Entertainment Complex. We first stopped in the new Bose Store there. I showed her the infamous Bose Acoustic Wave. Then, we walked upstairs to Dave & Busters. We ended up only having one drink, since people were running amuck in the place. We were also not really dressed to participate in the fun. We then walked to the Victoria Ward Center to see if there was anything going on. Nada. I suppose that I was a little boring, but I'm an old guy. Shirley really wanted to go to a karaoke joint. She was trying to persuade the oversized cranium to sing. Well, there's no way I'm singing until I hit pay dirt. That's not happening anytime soon. So, we called it an evening. Before Shirley and I parted company, I gave her the Patty Police Car and ironwood turtle that I have had stored away for a couple of years. As you know, these were given to me by the handmaiden. I warned Shirley that she must guard them with her life, and that she could not give them away or discard them. Otherwise, she may incur the curse of the handmaiden. But, seriously, I am thankful that I have a friend like Shirley. There can be no price attached to that.

I sent off e-mail to Shirley to thank her again. Then, I looked in my inbox to see ... yep, an e-mail from Mary Ann. This was an interesting Ol' Lavahead Day. I also received e-mail from Caroll. I actually had corresponded with her a couple of days ago. I believe that our friendship is still intact. Well, so here I am, on the downhill slide. Will you continue to accompany me on this journey? I hope so. This was a good day, something worthy of remembrance.

Saturday November 30

I am still piecing together my thoughts about Ol' Lavahead Day. In her e-mail, Mary Ann said that she had a fun Thanksgiving Day, although her family did not have any turkey. Mostly, she discussed the employment options before her and how hard it will be to make a decision. I was significantly unnerved all day and somewhat restless as well. I received a form letter from American Century. It was a plea to investors to leave existing accounts intact and also to invest more money. I was very suspicious of this letter. I surmise that American Century is in deep crap. Now, I have to decide whether to transfer all of my investments. The problem is that I don't know where to put it all. If I don't snap into action, I may lose my life savings. Sheesh! I cleaned and waxed my six-four this morning. Later, I walked to the gym and did my usual workout. I had difficulty concentrating on much. When I returned home, I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave for an evening of music.

Even though I am close to being reduced to a penniless loser, I am probably more unnerved because of last night. No, I don't have a thing for Shirley. However, she was completely dolled up last night. I was very conscious of this fact because quite a few guys did a double-take when they saw her. I am sure that many of them were wondering why she was out with a loser. For once in my life I got see how the winners live. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Seriously, though, I am still unnerved. I am now more keenly aware of my mortality. I can also see how foolish I have been, especially concerning the infatuation with the former "limerant object." What's going to happen come Monday? Man, I am just totally fatigued. Finally, big mahalos to Ulla and Tiina in Finland, and Neal in Cali for sending e-mail B-day greetings!

Sunday December 1

Another e-mail from Mary Ann. I had responded to her last e-mail last night. I find it odd that I am now corresponding with her regularly. In fact, it was just one week ago that she decided to send e-mail to me out of the blue. There have been some interesting and subtle changes with each one. The first started off with the "Boss" and "Slave" nicknames that we have been using at the Asylum. Subsequently, she used her name. Oddly, she then asked permission to use my name. She also started to ask me questions pertaining to my life. In the latest e-mail, she closed with "MeeR." The latter is the name in her e-mail account. When I responded to the latest e-mail, I asked her what that name means. I am sure that a few people will tell me that I am reading between the lines. However, there is no question that there are subtle, progressive changes, all initiated by Mary Ann. What is going on? In any case, she has decided to take the job at the Diploma Mill, if she gets an offer. So, all of this could be moot very soon.

I was completely fatigued again, no doubt because I am a "senior citizen" now. I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair. Then, I walked to the gym. I had a hard time making it through my cardio workout. It is as if I have aged ten years since Ol' Lavahead Day. I also feel like a complete eunuch. I am totally indifferent to seeing the former "limerant object" tomorrow. Perhaps I am finally coming to my senses. I am seeing just how ludicrous this whole situation has been. Of course, the true test will come tomorrow. I'll probably see the former "limerant object" and lose my mind again. Well, I could decide to remain a "senior citizen" and play dead, or I could throw a blackeye in da game. I am listening to XME on my Bose Acoustic Wave as we speak for added ambiance. As always, I am totally confused. And, as always, it has to do with babes. Sheesh! Why can't I just be a good monk?

To be continued ... Go to M.19

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