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Files

The following transcription is from the actual handwritten letters sent to the ol' lavahead from that weird psycho stalker. This could happen to you!

April 25, 2000

Dear [Tralfaz],

I have taken a week to come to terms with the evil that lurked within me. I was so mixed up and couldn't make up my mind (like an emotional roller coaster). I should have taken your first advice sooner. You told me to confront Mr. White and tell him how his behavior makes me uncomfortable. [Tralfaz] it has taken me a whole week to gather my senses and my courage however it is true that if I want to get my degree in TNT I'll have to face my problem and confront him. All week I have had to weigh the pros and cons. Although I find Mr. White's behavior disturbing; I think that I would be cheating myself out of a career opportunity. This quarter I might be able to get on the honor roll and I don't want to just get a "W" on my report card. So wish me luck for I'll talk to Mr. White today. I know you always come to see [psycho Joanne] so please do me a favor and give him the evil eye for me. As a friend just glance at me and if everything goes well I will smile at you to reassure you. Wish me luck.
The reason why I decided to do this is because after speaking with [the Dean], I felt that the whole thing might be blown out of proportion. He advised me to sign my letter of complaint then he'll start the investigation. It sounds like a confrontation to me, therefore I decided to take things into my own hands and give Mr. White a wake up message. All I wanted to have done was to warn Mr. White of how uncomfortable and offending his behavior is. Like you

said it may just be our cultural differences. My father never hugged me while I was growing up. All he knew to do was to either grab a belt or hangar and hit! Since I was a girl I wasn't allowed to raise my voice or to hit my brother and fight back. So as my pain in the neck brother would do, he would always pick a fight and make sure that he ran to my dad. Who started the fight never mattered to him. I was supposed to be a refined little girl, so you probably know who was reprimanded severely. However, I never retaliated, so when Mr. White did things to make me uncomfortable I just kept it inside of me. Of course breathing and blowing in my ear was the last straw! No one has ever done that to me so when it did happen I was totally grossed. Therefore I will try and warn him to stop. The next time I am bothered by him I'll call the police because it has to stop someplace and it might as well stop with me.
I don't know why I resisted your advice about confronting him. It was probably out of fright and uncertainty; thinking that he may retaliate or laugh at me. However, I am taking the "bull by the horn" and charging forward. You have been a pillar of strength to me. Your maturity and professionalism has inspired me. Thank you for staying by side and setting me straight.
Thank you aka Inside Out Banana aka wise one. You are truly an understanding, forgiving and loving person. On top of that, you are also intelligent and handsome. Is your head too big now? Well, come see me, I have a safety pin.

    There are things people do that sometimes I cannot understand. For instance why did someone hurt you so badly. Were you the rotten fish in the sea? After learning of your gentlemanly ways I can never believe that someone would cast you off. If I throw my line in will you bite? I think of you as a man-eating shark but I don't think you deserve to be cast aside. Maybe you can help me by swallowing the big White whale. How's about doing me that favor, until one day when I'll allow you to devour me.
    This side of you, that you have allowed me to see, has made me care for you more. The paper that was attached to the "Inside out Banana" paper mentions that I care for you. That is why when you mentioned "animosity," it made me wonder if reading was your weakest subject. Read that letter again and again, until you understand what I am trying to say. Even read between the lines if you must. You really do matter to me. I pray every night that somehow, maybe tonight you will be able to sleep well.
    By the way when are you putting your papers together. You know that I will always be there to help you. Let's do it before summer of next year because that's when I hopefully will graduate. After graduation I want to work for an airline company doing PR work. Probably you'll go your way and I'll go my way but if it's okay with you let's do lunch or dinner sometime. Then one day if you could help me to set up my internet business, I'll give you whatever you want, a % of the business.

Well anyway I still have to go through another year of school. Can I count on you to help me? I need your strength and wisdom. I hope that we can become good friends.

Truly your Friend,
Leila

P.S. If you're a tennis player can you teach me one day. Or do you get your arm muscles from lifting weights?

Dear Wise One
I have climbed the highest mountain
To ask of the Wise One,
Help me, what should I do?
He replied face your problems!
Though you may be puzzled and tired,
Here take my hand, I will always guide you.
Oh, Wise One what should I do
I'll take your hand and let you lead,
But when the problem is solved, I know indeed
You will leave me, although it is you I need.
Or will you stay by my side forever ...
This I do not know
For I must descend this mountain
To live in the village once more
The village I have come from, below this mountain so great
Oh Wise One tell me you will stay here, is it late ...
To have to climb the highest mountain to see one so great
If this is the way it must be;
Let's climb the stairs to heaven
To live in that special Garden
Where once trod Adam and Eve
I believe they call it Paradise; The Garden of Eden.
I do not want to tempt you
But just stay beside you
For when the time comes when need you again
I might not have the strength
To climb the highest mountain
To see the Wise One again.

        |\
        | \   -- white flag
        |    \
        |    /
        | /   TRUCE   Forgiven???
        |/     PEACE
        |

May 1st '00

Dear [Tralfaz],

Thanks for returning my call. I am really grateful for your help and am so glad that I was able to resolve things by myself (no, you really helped). Forever I will remember how you guided me; that is one thing I like about you. We're the same age but yet you took my hand and guided me, that has built more of my trust for you. I'm sorry but to me you are a pillar of strength.
I really was in a bind; afraid to move. Likely either to let things build until heaven forbid ... Or maybe I just would have dropped out of school. You really anchored me and made me see the light at the end of the tunnel. You made me strong enough to want to resolve things for myself. I just couldn't see myself with a big "W". After all the quarter is almost over! Also I couldn't see myself changing my major and giving up my dreams. I wanted to work in all aspects of the travel business. Build my connections and have my own business over the internet. I figure that I have done customer servicing, reservations, hotel and agency work. So I have learned everything through first hand experience. The only aspect left that I want to explore is the airlines. I have applied to United and Continental, was perfect for the translator position but when I told them how tall I was I was rejected. However Continental did away with their height requirement and United seems like they want the applicant to be 5'2" but

now they seem to be making exceptions. Therefore I'm hoping to be an honor graduate so I can fulfill my dreams.
Well when it comes to setting up my business, I hope, you can teach me how to do it. Of course I am willing to pay you your asking price. Just don't make it too high or I'll probably be penniless before I start. Basically I will have to start over again by investing in a computer; a little monkey ran away with the computer I used to use. However always at work I would also check the news and stocks for AT&T and Lucent. I would have been entitled to stocks however I left before my benefits would have begun. So actually since I haven't touched a computer for quite a while I need private tutoring in my home.
I hope to be able to start with a clean slate. From now on I will not make any mistakes but I intend to strive for excellence. And I will try to treat those around me with more tolerance and care. I must remember that those around me have their problems and sometimes one just snaps because they feel uncomfortable with me. When they can't talk or scream at anyone else it is only natural to snap at the one they are close to, because they know that they will be forgiven. For that moment I will be mad and just turn and go, for I have feelings too! However after calming down I feel so foolish. Guess how my weekend was ... I can now kick high enough so I can kick my own butt!

Well we have just started a new month and I hope this month will be a better one. Especially for you, I can feel that a lot of people have been pestering you. So I know why you snapped at me on Friday. However since April is gone let's start with a clean slate and pray that from here on it will be a better month.

Friends,
Leila

P.S. Where's my copy of our "locals" project? You don't have any??? You mean you didn't save a copy for me??? Huh, oh, I see, there isn't any yet. [hand drawing of tears] Your deadline is ... I hope not eternity. Bad joke huh! Well anyways as I often state, give me a call if you need help. I am always more than willing to help you with it.

[psycho's address placed here]

May 4, 2000

Dear Mr. [Tralfaz],

    Regarding the message I left on your phone. I hope you got it and understood that I will stay away from you. I promise to make this the last letter to you. Just wanted to explain things to you.
    Anyway, I see you with the same women all the time. So I figure she must be your girlfriend. Is she much younger than you? Congratulations. Now you can have a family and experience first hand what a family is. I really know that you will make a good husband and father.
    Before we part, I'm sorry, but there are things I would like you to explain to me ... Things that if you hadn't done or mentioned; there is no way I would misunderstand! I could have been safely away from you after last quarter. I need to talk to you, face to face, away from [the business college] and class time. Perhaps we can meet sometime this weekend.
    Then I promise I will leave you alone. You may think that I am an obsessive stalker, but I am not! I never really needed you, except until Mr. White. He has changed; really seems to be trying and for that I've gained back some of my respect for him. Although there is still something I can sense. However from here on whatever transpires I will never turn to you again!

You have my solemn oath. One last time I have to talk with you away from [the business college] and the sooner the better. I want to clear the air so I can settle back into my life, once again, and I will know how to conduct myself appropriately.
    I never meant to hurt you, or I never wanted to be misunderstood. To tell you the truth, I never needed or wanted anything from you! That is why I need to clarify things with you. So maybe we can remain civil, as teacher and student. I really don't want to feel hatred or indifference towards you. I know in my heart that I shouldn't have cared one way or another for you! You are my instructor and I know that it can never be any other way. I really have no right to care, if you work at K-Mart or McDonald's or just roam the streets. Did you know that River of Life is near to [the university]. I know Audrey and her children. So if you ever need help!
    It's just that the way you acted and the things you said made me feel sorry for you. Then that sorrow turned into caring (before I knew what was happening). I should have used what little brains I have to stop myself from caring, because that caring has gone maybe a step further and only causes me grief. There are a lot of things I regret. Like believing your words and actions.
    I need to talk with you so I can leave you alone. The sooner the better. Please make the time to do this for me.

    At times I wish I was deaf, so I wouldn't hear things you say. Maybe you don't realize what you're saying, but since I can hear you I often wonder why you say what you do (eg [psycho Joanne]). I am so stupid such a pea brained wonder (as Hawaiians would say so "lolo" and/or "pupule"). I can never understand what and why men say things that actually makes me feel like a "rotten egg" and always I am the one left feeling worn and tattered.
    This time I want to talk to you to clear the air. Please help me clean up my act. I just don't know how men are. I just can't understand where I am, but I know that what I am doing is spinning round and round still being clueless about things!
    You said things that I think back to and cannot understand why you said them. You should never say things that may get you in trouble. A "lolo" like me will get the wrong impression and if they are worse than me, they will stalk you. I can never do something like that to you or anyone. Instead I turn the hurt inside; direct it to myself. Therefore right now, I wish I could trade my "live card" for a "cease to exist" card.
    However I need to talk to you face to face, away from [the business college], one on one. Don't worry because I'm very non-violent, peace loving and will accept your words as law. And as I said

I don't hurt others but I tend to be hard on myself. As it is right now, I cannot understand why I hurt you or why or when I started caring for you. I just wish that I can forgive myself. I wish that I could find a "bairin" or "bamboo thicket" once you go in, one can never get out.
Anyway maybe you can really tell that I need to talk to you ASAP. You have my number. Please call me.

Thank you
Good Luck
God Bless
Leila

Note that was dropped off on May 11, 2000 in classroom:

DO YOU KNOW THE CURE FOR CANCER? To: Mr. [Tralfaz]	I really need to talk with you because I cannot concentrate anymore. In class now I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Please just talk with me.
	FACE TO FACE!!
	I tried leaving you two messages and have written a letter to you but you never bothered to call me! Right now you look quite jaundiced! My #555-1212 in case you forgot! Please help me clear my mind for I need closure. Maybe if you did this I will be able to leave you now! Please contact me! Mahalo Leila