The following transcription is from the actual handwritten letters sent to the ol' lavahead from that weird psycho stalker. This could happen to you!
April 25, 2000Dear [Tralfaz],
I have taken
a week to come to terms with the evil that lurked within me. I was so mixed
up and couldn't make up my mind (like an emotional roller coaster). I should
have taken your first advice sooner. You told me to confront Mr. White
and tell him how his behavior makes me uncomfortable. [Tralfaz] it has
taken me a whole week to gather my senses and my courage however it is
true that if I want to get my degree in TNT I'll have to face my problem
and confront him. All week I have had to weigh the pros and cons. Although
I find Mr. White's behavior disturbing; I think that I would be cheating
myself out of a career opportunity. This quarter I might be able to get
on the honor roll and I don't want to just get a
"W" on my report
card. So wish me luck for I'll talk to Mr. White today. I know you
always come to see [psycho Joanne] so please do me a favor and give him
the evil eye for me. As a friend just glance at me and if everything
goes well I will smile at you to reassure you. Wish me luck.
said it may just be our cultural differences. My father never hugged me while I was growing up. All he knew to do was to either grab a belt or hangar and hit! Since I was a girl I wasn't allowed to raise my voice or to hit my brother and fight back. So as my pain in the neck brother would do, he would always pick a fight and make sure that he ran to my dad. Who started the fight never mattered to him. I was supposed to be a refined little girl, so you probably know who was reprimanded severely. However, I never retaliated, so when Mr. White did things to make me uncomfortable I just kept it inside of me. Of course breathing and blowing in my ear was the last straw! No one has ever done that to me so when it did happen I was totally grossed. Therefore I will try and warn him to stop. The next time I am bothered by him I'll call the police because it has to stop someplace and it might as well stop with me.
I don't know why I resisted your advice about confronting him. It was probably out of fright and uncertainty; thinking that he may retaliate or laugh at me. However, I am taking the "bull by the horn" and charging forward. You have been a pillar of strength to me. Your maturity and professionalism has inspired me. Thank you for staying by side and setting me straight.
Thank you aka Inside Out Banana aka wise one. You are truly an understanding, forgiving and loving person. On top of that, you are also intelligent and handsome. Is your head too big now? Well, come see me, I have a safety pin.
There are things people do that sometimes I cannot understand. For instance why did someone hurt you so badly. Were you the rotten fish in the sea? After learning of your gentlemanly ways I can never believe that someone would cast you off. If I throw my line in will you bite? I think of you as a man-eating shark but I don't think you deserve to be cast aside. Maybe you can help me by swallowing the big White whale. How's about doing me that favor, until one day when I'll allow you to devour me.
This side of you, that you have allowed me to see, has made me care for you more. The paper that was attached to the "Inside out Banana" paper mentions that I care for you. That is why when you mentioned "animosity," it made me wonder if reading was your weakest subject. Read that letter again and again, until you understand what I am trying to say. Even read between the lines if you must. You really do matter to me. I pray every night that somehow, maybe tonight you will be able to sleep well.
By the way when are you putting your papers together. You know that I will always be there to help you. Let's do it before summer of next year because that's when I hopefully will graduate. After graduation I want to work for an airline company doing PR work. Probably you'll go your way and I'll go my way but if it's okay with you let's do lunch or dinner sometime. Then one day if you could help me to set up my internet business, I'll give you whatever you want, a % of the business.
Well anyway I still have to go through another year of school. Can I count on you to help me? I need your strength and wisdom. I hope that we can become good friends.
Truly your Friend,
Dear Wise One
| \ -- white flag
| / TRUCE Forgiven???
May 1st '00Dear [Tralfaz],
returning my call. I am really grateful for your help and am so glad that
I was able to resolve things by myself (no, you really helped). Forever
I will remember how you guided me; that is one thing I like about you.
We're the same age but yet you took my hand and guided me, that has built
more of my trust for you. I'm sorry but to me you are a pillar of strength.
now they seem to be making exceptions. Therefore I'm hoping to be an honor graduate so I can fulfill my dreams.
Well when it comes to setting up my business, I hope, you can teach me how to do it. Of course I am willing to pay you your asking price. Just don't make it too high or I'll probably be penniless before I start. Basically I will have to start over again by investing in a computer; a little monkey ran away with the computer I used to use. However always at work I would also check the news and stocks for AT&T and Lucent. I would have been entitled to stocks however I left before my benefits would have begun. So actually since I haven't touched a computer for quite a while I need private tutoring in my home.
I hope to be able to start with a clean slate. From now on I will not make any mistakes but I intend to strive for excellence. And I will try to treat those around me with more tolerance and care. I must remember that those around me have their problems and sometimes one just snaps because they feel uncomfortable with me. When they can't talk or scream at anyone else it is only natural to snap at the one they are close to, because they know that they will be forgiven. For that moment I will be mad and just turn and go, for I have feelings too! However after calming down I feel so foolish. Guess how my weekend was ... I can now kick high enough so I can kick my own butt!
Well we have just started a new month and I hope this month will be a better one. Especially for you, I can feel that a lot of people have been pestering you. So I know why you snapped at me on Friday. However since April is gone let's start with a clean slate and pray that from here on it will be a better month.
[psycho's address placed here]
May 4, 2000
Dear Mr. [Tralfaz],
the message I left on your phone. I hope you got it and understood that
I will stay away from you. I promise to make this the last letter to you.
Just wanted to explain things to you.
You have my solemn oath. One last time I have to talk with you away from [the business college] and the sooner the better. I want to clear the air so I can settle back into my life, once again, and I will know how to conduct myself appropriately.
I never meant to hurt you, or I never wanted to be misunderstood. To tell you the truth, I never needed or wanted anything from you! That is why I need to clarify things with you. So maybe we can remain civil, as teacher and student. I really don't want to feel hatred or indifference towards you. I know in my heart that I shouldn't have cared one way or another for you! You are my instructor and I know that it can never be any other way. I really have no right to care, if you work at K-Mart or McDonald's or just roam the streets. Did you know that River of Life is near to [the university]. I know Audrey and her children. So if you ever need help!
It's just that the way you acted and the things you said made me feel sorry for you. Then that sorrow turned into caring (before I knew what was happening). I should have used what little brains I have to stop myself from caring, because that caring has gone maybe a step further and only causes me grief. There are a lot of things I regret. Like believing your words and actions.
I need to talk with you so I can leave you alone. The sooner the better. Please make the time to do this for me.
At times I wish I was deaf, so I wouldn't hear things you say. Maybe you don't realize what you're saying, but since I can hear you I often wonder why you say what you do (eg [psycho Joanne]). I am so stupid such a pea brained wonder (as Hawaiians would say so "lolo" and/or "pupule"). I can never understand what and why men say things that actually makes me feel like a "rotten egg" and always I am the one left feeling worn and tattered.
This time I want to talk to you to clear the air. Please help me clean up my act. I just don't know how men are. I just can't understand where I am, but I know that what I am doing is spinning round and round still being clueless about things!
You said things that I think back to and cannot understand why you said them. You should never say things that may get you in trouble. A "lolo" like me will get the wrong impression and if they are worse than me, they will stalk you. I can never do something like that to you or anyone. Instead I turn the hurt inside; direct it to myself. Therefore right now, I wish I could trade my "live card" for a "cease to exist" card.
However I need to talk to you face to face, away from [the business college], one on one. Don't worry because I'm very non-violent, peace loving and will accept your words as law. And as I said
I don't hurt others but I tend to be hard on myself. As it is right now, I cannot understand why I hurt you or why or when I started caring for you. I just wish that I can forgive myself. I wish that I could find a "bairin" or "bamboo thicket" once you go in, one can never get out.
Anyway maybe you can really tell that I need to talk to you ASAP. You have my number. Please call me.
Note that was dropped off on May 11, 2000 in classroom:
|I really need to talk with you because I cannot concentrate anymore. In class now I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Please just talk with me.|
|I tried leaving you two messages
and have written a letter to you but you never bothered to call me! Right
now you look quite jaundiced! My #555-1212 in case you forgot! Please help
me clear my mind for I need closure. Maybe if you did this I will be able
to leave you now! Please contact me!