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2001: The Viagra Years

Monday November 12, 2001

I was rudely awakened at 6:45am by one of the idiotic neighbors. He was pumping up his tires with one of those cheap, noisy air compressors. I was extremely groggy because I stayed up later than I wanted to last night. Because my bro left so late, I was not able to watch Replacement Killers, so I hope that I'll be able to do that tonight. I am getting extremely cranky because I have not been able to see that babe Mira Sorvino. Sheesh! I was relaxing in my favorite chair when I noticed that my mucous membranes felt as if they were on fire. Moms was cleaning the kitchen floor with a concoction of chemicals which included Lysol, chlorine bleach, and ammonia. The stupidity never seems to end. I ran outside, choking, and sat in my beloved resin chair for the duration. Moms took a three-hour nap after cleaning the floor, so I suspect that she wasn't feeling too well. That's exactly what happens when she sprays the "termite medicine" around the house with no protection. So, I dropped back the remaining two cans of Guiness.

My bro stopped by after work. He ate dinner here, and we chatted for a brief time. I expressed my concern about moms' chemical experiments. Well, I return to the salt mines tomorrow. Wheee! I graded most of the exams, but I must finish the rest on campus because I need to peruse the actual working files of the students. The work is so bad that I almost can't grade it. I'm just looking forward to watching Mira Sorvino in Replacement Killers again.

Tuesday November 13

The pungent odor of Lysol filled the air as I was eating dinner. Moms was spraying the "lizard" again. Irritated, I asked, "Where do you come up with these crazy ideas like spraying the 'lizard' with Lysol? Does Beverly spray the 'lizard' with Lysol?" Beverly is one moms' good friends from church. Moms avoided answering my questions, possibly knowing how ludicrous the whole situation was. Moms was sniffling later on and told me that she was catching a cold. It's not a cold. It's the damned chemicals being sprayed around indiscriminately.

Some may feel that the ol' lavahead's life is pretty boring. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I suppose. Why bother reading the journal if you are so bored? Move on. Hook up with some babes and skin 'em up already. I enjoy my boring life. I was partying for ten years straight prior to moving into the Roach Motel back in Convalescent City. Even then, I had the gym gang to rely on. The socializing was just too much for me. I was addicted to being around people and going to all those happenin' joints. It was "da bomb." Damn, I hate that phrase. However, there was always a poverty of babes in my social circle. Well, hey! I'm a loser! These days, I'm always talking with babes. Frankly, I can't take it. I really can't have a coherent conversation with most babes. And, in a short period of time, they begin to grate on my nerves. Heck, everybody gets on my nerves. Hence, a boring and isolated life is exciting to me. I have to prepare for when the country turns into a Fascist state anyway.

Anytime I am in a weakened state, I notice that I am much more hypervigilant about the babes in my proximity. For example, as I was walking around Long's the other day, I noticed a stunning older babe. By "older," I meant that she was about 30 years of age. Obviously, baby is a lot younger than the ol' lavahead. Baby was wearing jeans shorts and a tight, skimpy top. Overall, a really tight package, if you know what I mean. For some strange reason, I was acting suspiciously. Baby noticed that, I'm sure. Later, I observed that she was in the next line, and she kept looking back at the ol' lavahead. All that time I was in Long's, I had a strong desire to "bust a move" on baby. Then, I realized what a hypocrite I was, what with me being a monk and all.

I should be married and have a family by now. Perhaps, that is the root of the problem. Expectations. Not my own, but that of society. The only babes close to my age already have kids and deadbeat losers ready to pop out of the woodwork. I have to hand it to guys who can adopt to the "instant family" situation. I find that totally unacceptable. I do not feel any obligation to support some deadbeat's kids. If he's man enough to use the Vienna Sausage, then he should accept the responsibility when his child is born. Naturally, this kind of opinion will only serve to solidify my position as a monk, and indeed it should. I can always order more hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Sheesh!

Wednesday November 14

Jubilation is in the air as the propaganda machine declares "victory" after "victory" in Afghanistan. People are cheering and waving the flag. Meanwhile, more of our civil liberties are being taken away from us as we move closer to Fascism. For the American public, the sacrifice is well worth it, at least for personal safety. Fear is strong motivation. Nationalism is even greater motivation. Both are being used to pull the wool over our eyes. We discount the possibility of a conspiracy because there is no possible way that anyone could pull it off without being detected. We have checks and balances, right? We've learned from what happened in Nazi Germany, right? In addition, we still appear to have our freedom and basic rights. We still have all of our material possessions, and that's what counts. Yes, we have learned from the Nazi propaganda master Josef Goebbels, and we have perfected his methods for our times. Imagine that we have far more sophisticated media, which can be used in a covert or subliminal fashion to mold our thoughts and opinions. On outward appearance, we still appear to be free. We seem to have endless choices. However, upon closer scrutiny, the choices are all the same — packaged just like the crappy music CDs or cheesy films which pass for entertainment and made to look different on the outside. Inside, it's fast-food for the mind.

This is how we've been conditioned. This is how we have accepted wage slavery. From the days of kindergarten, we were being indoctrinated to observe the workday ritual. We had to be there at a certain time. Lunch and breaks (read: recess) were at set times. Then, after a full day, we go home. The education system, as one critic observed, has continued to decline in quality for a reason. We produce workers who are unable to think for themselves and who will develop a complete dependence on the institution (read: corporations). We've been taught a convoluted version of history that has made us feel superior to other societies. We've been given superficial freedom of choice but, upon even closer scrutiny, we find that those choices are a matter of financial preferences. We have the freedom to buy our choices. The poor and destitute do not have the same freedom.

I read most of the material at the Al Martin Raw site. I could have easily shirked him off as some kind of crackpot. However, he was a player in the Iran-Contra scandal. Perhaps, he was disgruntled and unpatriotic, one may think. However, after reading about the recent Aires II spy plane incident that involved China, I'm not easily convinced that he's just another conspiracy nut. The information makes sense. Martin alludes to the whole affair as a means to accomplish a technology transfer and bypassing NSA restrictions. A chilling review, "A Primer on Understanding Conspiracies" by James Higdon in Online Journal pretty much sums it up. Read about the "hub and spoke" theory, and then do some research. See if everything is tying together. Most people will conclude that our world has changed drastically since September. That's because we have not been privy to much. I believe that this machination of evil has been transpiring over several decades. It's only coming to a head now because the powers-that-be feel that this is the appropriate time to act. Remember, they are the "chosen." History has shown us that those who believe they have moral superiority over others are more inclined to force their morality upon the masses (read: Gentiles). Remember the real Crusades? The time is already here that I could be subject to arrest for sedition. I am fortunate to be just an obscure speck of dust.

Finally, in continuing my topic from yesterday. I have met a few babes who have kids. Single moms. At least one has expressed an interest in the ol' lavahead. I have to be honest with myself, in that I refuse to provide any support for children who are not my own. Like a true dog, I would only be interested in da wild thing. So, I am better off as a monk.

Thursday November 15

Welcome to the new police state. Der Fürher has now established a military tribunal to deal with foreign "suspects" involved in unbecoming behavior. The actual term "terrorist" is not used for a good reason. As quickly as this new twist came into play, there is an element of certainty that the jurisdiction of the tribunal will extend to regular citizens in a wink of an eye as well. In the meantime, the majority of people are cheering for this new aspect of justice. Nothing like a brutal military tribunal to bring those barbaric "towelheads" to their knees, eh? That is, until normal citizens are hauled in for "seditious acts" against the Fourth Reich.

Don't expect to see any goose-stepping quite yet, although everyone is already marching in lockstep whether they choose to believe it or not. We have been conditioned to think in terms of stereotypes. Thus, no one will believe that a quasi-dictatorship could supersede our so-called "democracy." We will only believe it if we see the police and military donning Nazi uniforms and Stalags popping up all over the place (not that we haven't seen them here in history before). I am even more certain that education has been "dumbed down" in the last few decades to reach this desired effect of general stupidity and conformity. Not one person I have come into contact with is even remotely concerned about what's happening, let alone indicate any knowledge of the latter. If Der Fürher is able to pull off the ultimate Blitzkrieg, then we are in big trouble.

I continued to grade exams. I will be flunking about half of my students at the Asylum. Don't worry, it's not much better at the university. That's what I mean when I say that the education system has been "dumbed down" to control the masses. My mind is still distracted about the babe situation, no doubt because I am being pulled into one of the infinite machinations of the Goebbels-like propaganda machine. Distraction and diversion are very important tools in keeping either the masses or the enemy down for the count. That's what we're doing in the Middle East and now in Central Asia. We confuse the leadership by constantly switching alliances. We do so to weaken each of the respective governments by causing disruption and civil strife. We primarily support Israel because its people worship the same God as we do. Remember that the son of the [true] God was promised to Abraham's seed. Also, Israel (no longer the "chosen" nation) is ruthless and serves to also disrupt any plans for Arab or Islamic unification. And, we must do everything to prevent any kind of nationalization of resources. You see, our greatest imperialist weapon is capitalism. Money and useless possession satisfy the Id (in Freud's model). It certainly worked to bring down the Soviet Union. However, it doesn't seem to fly in Islamic lands. The "towelheads" are not ready for prime time. Only the rich ruling class (read: Western puppets) seem to enjoy and indulge in Western decadence. The rest are too poor or steeped in their old time religion to embrace Whoppers (their way, of course!), Britney Spears, Lincoln Navigators, and what have you. If they were willing, we would have sold them the farm. The Orwellian animal farm, that is. Nonetheless, this is still a religious war. It is a "crusade." I'll get into that later.

For now, I'll relax with my beloved, capitalist iBook. I have installed the third software upgrade for OS X. We're now at version 10.1.1 already. Sheesh! I'll have to think about the babe situation a little more. Heck, maybe before I'm detained as a dissident, I can befriend a few babes for some skin 'em up action. I'm not sure if I can call myself a monk anymore.

Friday November 16

I watched Three Kings last night. Laura was nice enough to lend me a few more DVDs to watch. I am not exactly certain what the message of the film was. Overall, the contrived themes seemed convoluted and still implied a justified US presence during the Gulf Oil War. The plight of the masses of refugees and other displaced victims was presented in a more sublime fashion. I wouldn't be surprised if many people considered this film a documentary. I have located yet another source of information. The World Socialist Web Site has very in-depth analyses of current events, and I'm inclined to believe that it is reliable. An article titled "The Taliban: the US and the resources of Central Asia" by Peter Symonds is a must read. I believe that the truth is still readily available on the Net. It takes a lot of time to find the truth, and then there is the aspect of accepting it. Acceptance requires the dismantling of former thought processes, the very same processes indoctrinated in us since our elementary school days in our deliberately "dumbed down" educational system.

I am happy to be home from the salt mines. I now understand that wage slavery in the salt mines is yet another piece in the puzzle of the vast conspiracy that confronts us. In the Millennium Capitalist Model (read: "New World Order"), we have become part of the amorphous proletariat class. We are the workers, the tools deployed in the methods of production. The workers must be controlled. Otherwise, an uprising may occur which would disrupt the "order." Paranoia is a trait common to most Fascist leadership. However, the paranoia in this case is supplanted by religious guilt, which then culminates in measures of totalitarian extremes. When greed and power are thrown in for good measure, we will have the makings for an evil kind of narcissistic demagoguery. In the article "The 2000 Election and Bush's Attack on Democratic Rights" (ibid.), Barry Grey observed, "These shifts at the base of society have found their reflection in the political superstructure, where political consensus has given way to ferocious warfare within the establishment, and the entire political system has grown increasingly distant and alienated from the popular masses. As the axis of bourgeois politics has lurched to the right, the social base of both parties has shriveled, and the political apparatus has come to resemble an inverted pyramid — corrupt, ossified, and deeply unstable."

That, of course, brings me back to the matter of babes. The path of a monk is my only choice, for I have nothing in common with babes. I doubt that I would ever connect with any babe who has a similar pattern of distraught thinking. That's why I can only see da wild thing as common ground. Babes are steeped in the capitalistic lifestyle. Their entire existence is based upon a high level of superficial consumption, necessitated by prevailing social standards and fueled by insatiable expectations. This is not necessarily the fault of the babes as it is the machinations of the Millennium Capitalist Model. Our lives are completely superficial as a result. We are identified by the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the music we listen to, and so forth. Without any of that, we are merely mortal humans. Our superficial armor gives rise to a feeling of superiority. Yet, it's all vain. In due time, we'll all be shriveled up, senile fools. Money? Wealth? Power? All can buy "a life," but can they buy life itself?

Saturday November 17

Wage slavery is about about as cruel as any other kind of oppression. Most of the pain is inflicted psychologically, however. Creature comforts afforded by even modest wages only serve as distractions. The body is relieved of physical pain and discomfort. The mind is often sedated, distracted, or preoccupied by cheap booze, drugs, mindless diversions, or consumption. Yet, within the subconscious lies the real source of pain and anxiety. Here, no distractions prevail. That's the part of the mind we really want to sedate, but to no avail. The truth remains buried in the subconscious, festering until it bursts forth when conscious restraints are at their weakest. What is the truth? We are wage slaves on borrowed time. We have no security, whether we have real property, a meager savings account, a retirement plan, and what have you. All of it can disappear in the wink of an eye. Contrast this pathetic scenario with that of the "chosen." Those who control the wealth and hold the power will never suffer from economic chaos. Globalization has insured that their wealth is distributed around the world and, therefore, that wealth is immune to localized events. Wage slaves do not have off-shore bank accounts. When calamity hits, all is lost. Wage slaves are encumbered to the moneychangers. Any need to fulfill wanton desires of consumption forces the wage slave to exceed available means and borrow money. Or, the wage slave is required to work additional hours or take on one or more additional wage slave jobs. That has opened up a whole industry for portable and wireless devices, by the way. These devices allow the wage slave to carry creature comforts and diversions to work, all the while encumbering the wage slave even more.

Marketing is a day-to-day phenomenon. Not only are we subjected to that crap to the point of extreme banality, we also emulate, albeit in primitive form, the same concepts in our personal life. Our material possessions are fashion statements and class identifiers that we use to leverage our position. Guys use this method to attract babes by purchasing flashy possessions to imply wealth. Babes spend an inordinate amount of dough to make themselves look like hurdy-gurdy stars in order to attract guys who are wealthy. There is so much dough spent on this mating ritual, it's no wonder that the moneychangers are besides themselves. After all, most of our media diversions involve romance. After the honeymoon is over, then new financial objectives of the "couple" are necessary — purchasing a home (read: 30-year mortgage), a sport utility gashog (read: five-year loan), and all the other paraphernalia just to appear to be above poverty. Procreation requires a significant investment in baby crap. The cycle goes on and on. Yet, the strains in contemporary relationships are many because possessions do little to cure the alienation and loneliness that results from living for the moneychangers.

Even though, as a monk, I have separated myself from most of that crap, I am still a wage slave. And, I am still a slave to the moneychangers. I am subjected to more pain because I have limited my diversions and distractions. I have minimized my possessions. The greatest fear that I have is that I will be reduced to poverty by the moneychangers no matter what I do. After all, that's the ultimate goal once the usefulness of wage slaves expires. Of course, that's one of the fears fueling rampant consumerism today. There are many other potential wage slaves in other countries just waiting to be exploited. Therefore, we are expendable. The "chosen" have allied with the moneychangers to rob us blind. They now urge us to borrow more and spend in the name of "patriotism." When debt and foreclosure result, neither the "chosen" or the moneychangers will be there to help. A natural economic cleansing will occur. Property will be repossessed by the moneychangers, or the "chosen" will acquire everything at fire sale prices. The ranks of the poor, destitute, and homeless will be bulging at the seams. However, the police state will mobilize its forces to evict the economically disenfranchised masses. They will move to refugee camps and live in tent cities, or they will overpopulate the existing ghettos and barrios. Large, gated country club estates will displace the suburbs. A few of the destitute will be hired by the "chosen" and the moneychangers to maintain these vast estates. The rest will perish in the refugee camps.

Could all of this Orwellian crap really happen? Sure, it already has. Don't worry about democracy. It's all but gone. Both major political parties have already bought into the "New World Order." We already have the beginnings of martial law. It's funny how the acts of "terrorism" has subsided. Don't worry. That's just to set up a false sense of security. There will be more staged acts of terror. Each will be a pretext for more incursions on civil rights. I expect to see Der Fürher around for a long time. I would not be surprised to see an Executive Order rescinding the two-term limit of office, following another Supreme Court intervention in the next election, if necessary.

I lapsed in and out of a coma while sitting in my favorite chair. For the most part, I have been contemplating issues concerning the "chosen" for yet another useless diatribe. I also did my yardboy chores. My bro stopped by only briefly. I did not restock the Guiness, so there was no reason to hang out.

Sunday November 18

Oh, the debauchery! I was extremely fatigued when I woke up this morning. I had an exhausting dream. It was more like an adventure movie. I can't remember the entire dream, but I do recall that the babe in the dream was one of my former students. After I woke up, I realized that the babe in the dream was Sheena (who worked at Hooter's). Naturally, the most vivid part of the dream (and the only part I remember) was when I was doin' da wild thing with baby. Sheesh! I watched Almost Famous last night on my beloved iBook. I wasn't particularly impressed. My dream was better.

I've been giving some thought on the nefarious "chosen" ones. Why, I keep asking myself, do these morons act the way they do? I tried to imagine myself in their shoes. Wealth and power gives one a sense of omnipotence. Cloak wealth and power with the armor of religion, and we have the trappings of self-made deities. Wealth and power, whether gained legitimately or through corruption, are "signs" of being "chosen" through a blatant misinterpretation of the Scripture. I have found that some basis for this belief is derived through the precept of the "lost tribe of Israel." All of it is hogwash. The real culprit, as I've said before, is guilt. Greed and corruption by the "chosen" are being justified because, as they claim, it is "God's Will." Since none of them have been struck down by lightening, they have somehow persuaded themselves that they truly are the "chosen." Naturally, this self-righteous attitude has degenerated into extremely self-serving behavior. After the tragedy of September, the apostate leadership of the "chosen" blamed the masses of Gentiles and sinners for its occurrence. Hence, there will be a metamorphosis of policy to clamp down and cleanse the nation of those sinners. Ironically, the greatest sins are being perpetrated by the "chosen." Their hands are stained with blood just as their hearts are tainted with hypocrisy. Megalomania always gives rise to persecution. Scarier still are the megalomaniacs who believe they are "chosen" to do [the true] God's Will and have been given the right to pass judgment on fellow human beings.

Much of this problem is Freudian (i.e., sexual repression). This is fairly easy to observe. Ultra-conservative zealots are fixated by da wild thing. In their hearts, they commit adultery every day. Some of them actually fall to the wayside (e.g., Swaggart, Baker, and a whole mess of conservative gasbag politicians). They fall from grace, usually covertly, then they go through the ritual prayer of feigned repentance. Many of these losers have had a Victorian upbringing, where da wild thing is often thought of as degenerate behavior. Pleasure is forbidden. In the elite social circles of the ruling class, pedigree is very important to maintain. Thus, many marriages are arranged for the sole purpose of alliances of power and wealth. The appearance of being family-oriented is held in higher esteem than the actual quality of family life. Wealth and power always attract drop-dead gorgeous babes. What is an upright, conservative, rich, powerful, family man to do? Pedigree marriages do not always include babes who look like Brianna Banks, and da wild thing only serves as a means of procreation. Can't really be family-oriented without a family, eh? It must really kill these fools to see all of these gorgeous babes around. They try to repress their desires but it only manifests itself in totalitarian behavior. Rather than cleanse their own souls of sin and debauchery, they want to cleanse society of those they judge to be sinners. Why? Because the temptation is too much for them. Quite a few of these clowns are old geezers who need Viagra to inflate the Vienna Sausage anyway. That makes them even more vindictive.

I did my houseboy chores this morning. Then, I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair. I almost didn't make it to the gym. I forced myself to go. My bro and his family stopped by this afternoon. My bro brought over two four-packs of Guiness. Later, we ended up ordering take-out Korean barbecue dinners from Yummy's.  The Asylum has the week off, so I'll be going downtown only tomorrow and Wednesday. I also get to leave for town later than usual, so I'll be able to sleep in a little longer. Lord knows, I really need this break.

Monday November 19

Moms left early for a doctor's appointment. I left at 9:30am, only to end up waiting because the bus was 20 minutes late. I finally got rid of my cell phone. Verizon Wireless accepts old cell phone donations and gives them to a domestic abuse prevention program. At least I know that it will go to a decent cause. I spent a few hours researching more articles about the "war" and its alleged pretext. I have a whole stack of articles to read. My files concerning this matter have increased significantly. I am keeping them because I do not know when they may disappear from the Net. I located a copy of the testimony by John Maresca of Unocal delivered to the House Committee on International Relations dated February 12, 1998. Maresca makes clear his intentions — "construction [of the pipeline] cannot begin until an internationally recognized Afghanistan government is in place," although only 440 miles of pipeline would actually go through Afghanistan itself. However, that small section is critical. The final destination of the oil is not the US. Rather, the oil conglomerates want to sell the oil to emerging Asian markets by beating China (through which an alternative route is possible) to the punch. Clearly, this presentation was made one year after other sources indicated that Unocal had already threw in the towel. There's no doubt in my mind that the war in Afghanistan was planned out way in advance.

I thought briefly about the ramifications of my decision to become a monk. Essentially, I will never have a family of my own. I am usually okay with this. However, there are times that I wonder if my decision was sound. I could consider the possibility of an "instant family." However, I have already stated that I will not assume that kind of burden. The whole matter is moot because I am now completely isolated. I have few ties with the outside world. Sheesh! I will not go to town tomorrow. Instead, I will relax in my favorite chair and ponder my monk existence. Then, I'll go the gym. Well, hey! I'm livin' large in a small way!

Tuesday November 20

I feel guilty when I am at home during the work week. I suspect that my lifelong indoctrination in the wage slave "ethic" has made this belief a reality. Thus, I wasn't fully able to relax. I have been monitoring my finances, and I believe that I will meet my goals for the year by a very slim margin. That's not very comforting. My so-called investments are yielding returns close to zero. I have almost everything in zero interest money market funds. I should move it to a bond fund but, as usual, I am frozen by uncertainty. I have only a small amount in a bond fund which is part of my retirement funds. Overall, spending absolutely nothing is getting me nowhere, no doubt, part of the scheme of the latest incarnation of "voodoo economics." In actuality, I feel extremely guilty because my actions are still indirectly supporting the current malignant international policy, even though I have divested myself of useless possessions and limited my consumption to that fitting of a monk.

I forced myself to go to the gym. I actually had a decent workout and felt much better. I bought an eight-pack of Guiness at Foodland. I dropped back a couple of them when I returned home. My bro and I have been spending too much dough on expensive brewskis. My bro has been spending a lot of dough lately. He bought his truck, all kinds of power tools, and a toolbox for his truck. I don't really think my bro needs all of that stuff. They are just new toys for him. I find it odd that I am attempting to save every dime and avoid the snare of materialism, while my bro is going for broke (literally). Well, I have to return to the salt mines in the afternoon, so I'll be leaving late in the morning again.

Wednesday November 21

According to a Pravda report late last night, the Taliban is gone. We done blew 'em up real good! Yep, that's the same Taliban who were part of our "freedom fighters" against the USSR, the same Taliban we gave $43 million about a year ago, and the same Taliban that was wined and dined in Houston by a large oil conglomerate a few years ago. Well, I hope that the Northern Alliance (read: new Taliban) is ready to open "Corridor 8" in the name of freedom and keep the region stable for the proposed oil pipeline. A lot of people have died for that damned thing. Next, Iraq! If the Holy Warmongers get their way, we'll blow Saddam up real good, too! What we really want is to get rid of that pesky OPEC. Fortunately, we've got the corrupt House of Saud on our side. They have consistently driven oil prices down and effectively shunted OPEC, but that could change. The House of Saud is a house of cards. So, we must insure that unstable dictators in OPEC get the message — no increase in prices and no embargo games like in the 70s. Heck, we can't trust them as far as we can throw them, so better to overthrow them. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Say, what happened to all of those Anthrax scares and nebulous warnings from the Fourth Reich? Now that we have willingly let them take away our civil liberties, there is no need to scare us out of our wits anymore. What's even scarier is that Ollie North guy. He has the answer to that ol' time question, "Why do they (the 'towelheads') hate us?" At Anaheim's Melodyland Christian Center Church, he told the audience of Holy Rollers that America's Islamic enemies, including bin Laden and the Taliban, hate Christians because — here's the punchline — only Christians will go to Heaven. I'm not sure if Ollie has read the part in the Scriptures about mortal men passing judgment on other mortal men. That really makes the Almighty angry. Ollie should know better because his good buddy Jerry bin Falwell has already admonished the nation that "God is not one to be mocked." Well, I don't know about you, but I've been reading too much about this crap. I've only done so to be informed. Now, I realize that ignorance is bliss.

I left at 9:30am again. I got off the bus at Puck's Alley so I could sell my music CD collection and a couple of books at Cheapo's Used Books & Music. My formerly beloved Smooth Jazz collection yielded $15 for ten CDs. Imagine that I paid ten times more originally. I sold one book (original cost: $32) for $5 and the Covey book was rejected. I spent almost all of last night pondering the fate of my CD collection. I almost changed my mind. However, I was stupid enough to keep four CDs. I should have sold all of them, so that I would not be tempted to buy more again. Materialism is like a cancer. It must be completely removed or it will come back even stronger. The Covey book will be donated to a library. It has served its purpose, but I have often resented that Covey had presented the material in terms of the exploitation of the lowly wage slave. I have tried to understand how the process of divesting that crap had caused me so much grief last night. From what I can tell, it's some kind of mental illness. The Palm IIIe and my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave are also slated to be divested. I'm moving across the board to emancipate myself from the tyranny of capitalism.

The incurred loss that I realized today doesn't really bother me. Remember how I used to buy and sell crap all the time. My JetSki, my various tube and VCR acquisitions, my computers, my automobiles, and so forth. I've lost tens of thousands of dollars at the pinnacle of my binge consumption and purge divesting career. As a monk, I should have realized that complete poverty is the vital step toward salvation. We must be stripped of all superficial possessions. Extreme pain from the unfulfilled want is what eventually liberates us, whereby we mature to a level that precedes Maslow's "self-actualization" phase. And, this methodology can be applied to babes as well. Foolishness is what always precedes wisdom. How long we wallow in foolishness is how we eventually determine if our lives had any meaning. The babe issue may seem moot, but it is at the heart of materialism. Consumption is either to attract babes or a substitution for babes. There was a good reason that monks of old were required to do penance. Flogging was one of the best deterrents of foolishness. That's why many of those rich, ultra-conservative, old geezers seek out a "dominatrix" to "punish" them while they are on all fours on floor in their boxers. A scantily clad babe literally whips them into a confession of debauchery. Then, they get dressed, go home to their pedigree families, pray for forgiveness, and drop a big check in the collection box of Jerry bin Falwell. Oh, the irony and the guilt!

And, what about the ol' lavahead? Is he lusting after babes? Yes, the old fool always see babes that he wants to do da wild thing with. Oh, the debauchery! It's sickening! Where is my self-control? When am I going to realize that I am a monk and, if I continue to vacillate on these issues, then I am mocking the Almighty. Woe is me.

Thanksgiving Day 2001

Moms started cooking from early this morning. I woke up at 8:20am in a very groggy state. I had three cups of coffee and then I went through the laundry basket that suffices as my clothing bureau. Most of the clothes have been sitting in that basket ever since I moved to Hawai'i. Only the clothes that I use on a daily basis are on the top. So, all of the clothes in the bottom half are new, never having been worn by me ever. The rest of my clothes are in the hall closet. These include my wage slave uniform (i.e., Dockers and Aloha shirts). There are Aloha shirts that also have never been worn before. I probably have enough clothes to last me for the next ten years. Heck, I haven't even worn them in the last four years. I gather that I'll be making a donation to Goodwill very soon.

Moms prepared a feast for Thanksgiving Day. My bro's family arrived early in the afternoon. My bro brought two more four-packs of Guiness. Needless to say, the Guiness was flowing like water. I waxed my beloved six-four this afternoon while my bro cleaned and waxed his wife's Grand Cherokee. Taking care of my six-four is not a highly anticipated pastime for me these days. Anyway, we were able to stuff our faces with moms' cooking. That's something to be thankful for. In fact, I have many reasons to be thankful this year. I made it through the Barium Enema unscathed. My bro and I have resumed good sibling relations, even though it was the result of pops' untimely passing. I will make my financial goals, even with my modest income. I am thankful that I don't live in other lands which must now face the wrath of our wicked version of the Taliban. I've included an image of my version of a "freedom fighter" (at right). Baby can take me captive any day. Yowza! And, finally, I am thankful that I'm a monk. I've continued on the monastic path for three years now. I am eternally grateful that I have no babes to tempt me from my path. All I have are my hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Say, isn't it time for me to order a few more DVDs for my hurdy-gurdy library. Heck, I'd better order as many as possible while it's still legal to do so. Sheesh! All of us at LoserNet wish you a safe and fun holiday.

Friday November 23

I spent several hours exterminating an ant infestation. It's been getting worse with each passing day. I went to the gym and did my usual mediocre workout. Any workout is better than none. When I returned home, I popped open a can of Guiness. Ah, the Guiness, quite a fine beverage. The can has a small plastic ball filled with some kind of gas, which is released once the can is popped open. The result is a "head" similar to the draught version. I can safely say that I won't be droppin' back cheap brewskis anymore. The Guiness experience is truly awesome.

Moms is planting new shrubbery on the hill in the backyard. So, I have begun the process of removing the first of the three remaining stumps. I am going to have to stock up on the Guiness to insure that I can complete this project.

I have not discussed my beloved Nova Spirit in a long time. This is one possession that I am not divesting, especially since we are moving closer and closer to a police state. Even though the device is illegal to possess and use in Hawai'i, I am adamant about keeping it. I suspect that there will be a day when I am forced to jolt some Bozo's cranium. It's too bad that I'm not rolling in dough. If I was, I would definitely hire a whole security staff that look just like the "freedom fighter" (above). I would have to arm them all with Nova Spirit Taser-like devices because they may have to use the device on the ol' lavahead when he attempts to "breach" security, if you know what I mean. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Saturday November 24

I am not a conspiracy theory kind-of-a-guy. I thought that I'd make this clear. However, I have a lot of difficulty with what has passed in the last three months. Worst yet, more stuff just keeps coming up. I am very curious about the "failed intelligence" which led to the tragedy of September. What we are asked to believe is, at times, incredulous. However, I believe that the truth will eventually surface. An interesting new book titled "Bin Laden, The Hidden Truth" by Jean-Charles Brisard and Guillaume Dasquie may shed some new light on the situation with the Taliban just prior to to when it lost favor with the US in August. The book also discusses the apparent Saudi ties to terrorism and the fate of FBI agent John O'Neal, who resigned in frustration over the whole affair. Ironically, O'Neal perished in the World Trade Center on September 11th. I'm also curious about the odd chronology of events that occurred after the four airliners strayed off course on that fateful day. I am primarily interested in protocol and chain of command insofar as the interception of the airliners is concerned. I am also curious about our new police state, with new revelations even expressed by the lapdog mainstream press. Too little, too late.

I suppose that what really appalls me is the hypocrisy of the right-wing "Christian" conservatives. However, I am beginning to understand the ability with which they are able to prosecute genocide without flinching, even though they know deep in their hearts that there is nothing "Christian" about the act of of revenge or killing. In the Book of Joshua, the conquest of the Promised Land is chronicled. Many existing kingdoms were totally annihilated to clear the way for the "chosen nation" of Israel. In Chapter 11, the destruction is detailed: "And all the cities of these kings and all their kings Joshua captured and went striking them with the edge of the sword. He devoted them to destruction, just as Moses the servant of Jehovah had commanded. It was only all the cities standing on their own mounds that Israel did not burn, except that Joshua had burned Ha'zor by itself. And all the spoil of these cities and the domestic animals the sons of Israel plundered for themselves. It was only all humankind that they struck with the edge of the sword until they had annihilated them. They did not let anyone that breathed remain. Just as Jehovah had commanded Moses his servant, so Moses commanded Joshua, and so Joshua did."

So, as the [true] God had directed Moses to destroy those kingdoms, the "chosen" of today are doing as Joshua did. As we read in the Scriptures, mass genocide was mandated and approved by the [true] God. The kingdoms that were destroyed were pagan. The people of those kingdoms worshiped other gods or dungy idols. Hence, judgment was passed unto them. The real problem is that the "chosen nation" ceased to exist after the coming of the Son of the [true] God, the promised Messiah. Although Jerry bin Falwell and his brethren pound their pulpits and scream, "God will not be mocked," it is they who are greatest of mockers. Yet, as they breach the separation of church and state, they bring themselves into the Prophesy. That scares me more than any conspiracy theory could.

I wanted of going to Kahala Mall this morning, but thought better of it. I just sold off my books and CDs. Why do I need to be looking at more books and CDs? I also don't want to be anywhere near the moronic Christmas shoppers. People are buying up anything to satisfy the obligation to "give." Consumer gifts are totally useless trinkets. I have never enjoyed receiving gifts because I didn't need any of the junk given to me. Heck, even things that I have purchased for myself have ended up as expensive doorstops. Often, I feel as though I am trapped, with literally nowhere to go. I am in the adjustment phase of the monk existence.

My bro stopped by this afternoon after work. He helped me remove two of the stumps. We dropped back the remaining Guiness to mark our accomplishment. Then, we went to Payless Shoes so I could purchase a cheap pair of shoes. After that, we had to stop at Foodland to pick up more Guiness. I cooked my favorite dish, Pasta Prego, for dinner. We spent the rest of the evening droppin' back the Guiness and talking about nothing. One more day before I return to the dreaded salt mines.

Sunday November 25

I've spent a lot of time discussing irrelevant topics, only because I was somewhat preoccupied with disillusionment. By no means am I trying to create some kind of intellectual journal in which I appear to be a pundit. I'm just a regular guy in a loser's body. I'm a wage slave, trapped in a system that makes no sense (unless extreme materialism is one's primary objective). My future (what's left of it) remains nebulous. Unlike most of my peers, I do not have my own family. Nor do I have any close network of friends. I am alone. I am a monk. I am in a constant struggle to find some kind of identity that has nothing to do with money and power. I am searching for peace of mind.

I forgot to mention that I watched Unbreakable on Friday night. I'm not a movie critic, but I sensed some racial overtones in the flick. Today, I didn't do much. I charged up the battery in my beloved six-four. I also went to the gym for a quick workout. After the gym I bought a small Shave Ice with the Strawberry and Root Beer flavors from Kokonuts. I haven't had one of those in over three years. My bro's wife stopped by this afternoon sans my bro. I'm a little worried about my bro's situation. My feeble intuition tells me that he will have problems in the future, and he may end up holding the bag, as it were. Well, I've got to return to the salt mines tomorrow. A new session is commencing at the Asylum. It's always the same old thing.

Monday November 26

The day started off bad when I got on the express bus destined for town. The next thing I knew, the bus was heading back into the valley, while the driver was babbling something about "being lost." It turns out that he was on the wrong route. He was supposed to be driving the express route from Kalama Valley, so I had to take an extended 20-minute excursion so he could pick up all the passengers who had been waiting for quite some time.

A grueling day at the Asylum. I was almost delirious from the nonsense. One of my former students, Vanessa, approached me today to ask whether her "friend" (now a graduate of the Asylum) should ask out Ryan (another instructor at the Asylum). I had to break the news to her that Ryan already has a babe and both of them are moving to the mainland in three months. Her friend, Ellen, is a real babe. Ellen, as you may recall is now working at the hospital that pops never made it out of. She's also divorced, has kids, and is apparently hooked up with some clown (or so I thought). Oddly, I noticed that Vanessa seemed a little depressed about the news. I suspect that both Vanessa and Ellen have similar feelings for Ryan. Fortunately, things like this never happen to the ol' lavahead.

A shirtless psycho attempted to force his way on the express bus after a verbal altercation with the driver. I pulled out my can of pepper spray from my gym bag and was ready to apply deadly force on the fool if he made his way in. I realized later that I was the only passenger who was ready to snap into action. I was probably the only person with any kind of crime deterrent on hand. It's time for me to start carrying the Nova Spirit as well.

Tuesday November 27

Another grueling day at the Asylum. My attitude has been somewhat pathetic. My short hiatus last week has made it difficult for me to adjust to life back in the salt mines. One of the problems is the quality of students at the Asylum. An example would be the student who was sitting next to me in the library. She was an elderly, half-crazed psycho who was carrying on an extended conversation with herself. The majority of the students, albeit a likable bunch, are not much more intelligent than a doorknob. I'm not trying to be condescending. This is the truth, and it's also a depressing situation.

The phone lines in some portions of Hawai'i Kai have been dead since this morning. Moms wanted to make a few calls but was not able to. Phone service was eventually restored at about 6:30pm. A major storm has hit the island. Rain was pouring down for most of the night. As a result, the humidity is now extremely high. The carpet in the house is completely damp.

I've still been keeping up with the news from alternative and foreign sources. The whole situation has been fatiguing. I found a whole slew of material concerning the October Surprise scandal in which a deal was struck by ultra-conservatives with the Khomeini regime in Iran to delay the release of the hostages and insure that Carter would lose the election. Worst yet, there are reports from Russian intelligence to confirm the whole sordid affair. I suppose that I should just forget about all of that crap and go on a spending spree. After all, the whole world is corrupt. There is no one worth shedding a tear for. Perhaps I should just shave my head and be done with it.

Well, I'll spend the evening in an uneventful way with my beloved iBook. My Palm IIIe needs a good spreadsheet or database application so that I can put it to some use. I'll scour the Net to see what I can find. I could place an order for a few more hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Brianna Banks has a hot new release. Ho boy! Well, another unexciting chapter of the journal comes to a close. There will be more banality to come. Sheesh!

To be continued ... Go to V.18

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