Is the kama'aina island life too much for The Keeper to handle?
Maybe it's time for him to pack it in, or maybe it's just time for him
to get a lobotomy. Sheesh!
A Life as Only a Dog Would Know
know if I was meant to be a human or a dog. At least a dog eventually gets
a Milkbone. All I get is grief. I should take this time to describe the
"warehouse" I currently live in, for lack of better material. The room is
an addition to the original house. It is fairly large and was set up as
a second living room. The original furniture and carpet (over 30 years
old) are still in there. I sleep on the couch that moms has set up as a
makeshift bed. The wall that once had a crummy entertainment center (ancient
predecessor to the K-Mart all-in-one) is now a storage area for my bro's
and my sister-in-law's stuff that they don't use. There is also an inventory
of my nephew's toys that he has long forgotten about. The coffee table
that is in the middle of the room has all kinds of junks on it,
mostly cases of soft drinks. Next to the coffee table is the new dresser
that moms bought. I use it for my modest collection of clothes. The Bose
Wave sits on the top. Can you imagine the great acoustics I enjoy with
my Bose Wave radio sitting in the middle of the room? The washer and dryer
are also in this room. Next to the couch that suffices as my bed are more
storage boxes. I hang my work clothes off of those boxes. That, I guess,
is what I could call my closet. So, am I livin' large, or what?
Monday September 1, 1997
I discovered that the remote control for my new
Bose Wave radio was not functioning. I packed the Bose Wave in its box.
Baby and I drove to the Bose showroom. On the way there, a brain donor
in a Chevy pickup almost ran into me. He stalled his truck when he had
to slam on his brakes. I continued driving. Then, I noticed the stupid
truck speeding with its headlights on. He cut into the left lane and pulled
up next to me. He slowed down and looked over to give me the stink eye.
There were two babes with him, so I knew what was up. The buggah
was trying to show off his manhood to his two babe passengers. I merged
into the left lane right behind him and made a left turn with the putz.
He stopped at the next intersection because the light was red. Coincidentally,
the intersection was just a few feet from the parking lot to the Bose showroom.
I haphazardly parked my six-four and jumped out. I walked toward meathead's
truck but, oddly, meathead didn't get out. What happened to all his courage?
I wanted to slap his head and make him walk sideways like a crab.
I drive once a week or less and then I have to put up with idiots like
that. My driving days are coming to a close. I would have preferred taking
an extremely slow bus to town over that experience.
Tuesday September 2
The remote control to my Bose Wave was defective
and the guys at the Bose showroom gladly gave me a new one. I am still
amazed by the performance of the Bose Wave. It looks like a simple clock-radio,
but when it is cranked up ... Ho Boy! Baby and moms made the Lau Lau today.
We had the Lau Lau for dinner and it was excellent. After dinner, baby
and I sat around and listened to my beloved Bose Wave radio. If only life
could be that simple and pleasant all the time. Well, at least I have the
Time Bomb (my wind-up clock) sitting next to the Bose Wave.
Summer is officially over. Baby and I have been
here for almost three months. And, all I have to show for it all ... my
beloved Bose Wave. After going through all that trouble (including my experience
with putz) yesterday to drive to the Bose showroom, I discovered that I
was given another defective remote control. Actually, the unit works but
there is a big dent in the faceplate. I planned to take the defective remote
back after work. Baby had a to drop off a few résumés to
potential employers. I was surprised to see her at the bus stop as I waited
for the next bus to Ala Moana. I finally got a new remote control unit
for my Bose Wave radio and it works!
Wednesday September 3
Baby and I went to our new gym after dinner. It
is in Koko Marina, so it is just a short walk away. We did only about 40
minutes of cardio and moderate weight stuff. I can't believe how much I
have atrophied. I am a weakling! It is a good thing that the clown in the
truck didn't step out. He would have beat me to a pulp. Sheesh! Although
the gym was relatively expensive, it will give baby and I something constructive
to do. Since the gym is only a short walk away, we can go there separately
if we want to. Our new gym is somewhat disappointing as far as gyms go.
It is very small and the amount of equipment is limited. The shower facility
leaves a lot to be desired. However, we will make do. So far, living in
Hawai'i has been a great lesson in making do. I'm not really complaining,
though. I certainly have enjoyed my time here with moms. Moms has also
taking a liking to baby, which I am glad for.
Baby had two interviews today. She wants to leave
the teleconferencing dump as soon as possible. Apparently, the lead computer
nerd gave her some lip early this morning. I did not have a great day at
work either. I could hardly wait to get home to listen my beloved Bose
Wave radio. Baby's second interview was near Kuapa Kai, but she did not
return until 6 o' clock. We left for the gym almost immediately after my
sister-in-law and her child came home. Moms had already left for a meeting.
It is amazing to see the difference in attitude my sister-in-law has toward
baby and I when moms is not around. The whole nice act is just that ..
an act for the sake of moms. However, moms is already aware of this nonsense.
Thursday September 4
thought I'd better post a picture of my beloved Bose Wave radio. Well,
that is not really my Bose Wave in the picture. I was too cheap
to take a snapshot and scan it in. It looks like a clock-radio, doesn't
it? That is the beauty of it all. Now that we're on the subject of toys,
I should mention the status of my beloved cell phone. It has actually rang
twice since I last reported. I should terminate the service, but my cell
phone was responsible for the six-month job I have right now.
Our second day at the gym seemed slightly disappointing.
Both baby and I have atrophied significantly in the last three months.
Sitting at a desk for eight hours a day does little to alleviate this problem.
It may take us about a month just to get back into some semblance of physical
condition. Sheesh! We have four months of gym time already paid for, so
we will take advantage of that time. I'm not sure if I will be able to
afford the monthly membership once I'm unemployed again.
The bus has been extremely crowded in the morning
and in the afternoon. Traffic has also increased, and my commute time has
increased by several minutes. I have observed all the cars in traffic as
I ride to work. Most of the commuters are driving alone in sport utility
vehicles or minivans. I wonder if any of them have a clue about why traffic
is moving so slow. The freeway system in Honolulu is, at best, inadequate.
The island is too small to allow for an expansion of the existing road
infrastructure. That seems to provide little incentive for people to look
at alternative means of transportation. A typical car probably takes up
about 100 square feet of space. If we add in a conservative safe driving
distance estimate of two car lengths, then the effective space displaced
by one vehicle increases by 200 square feet. Can you imagine how much of
an area it would take to accomodate 1,000 cars? If each car had only one
person ... well, the island just isn't big enough! Sheesh!
Friday September 5
I worked straight through lunch today so I could
make it back to town before the Satellite City Hall closed. I need to pay
for the registration for my six-four. I brought all the paperwork with
me only to discover that I also needed to bring my Cali registration. So,
I could not get that done. I found out that it will cost me about $96,
which is about $20 less than what I would be paying in Cali.
I brought my Cali registration for my six-four
with the other paperwork with me today. Once again, I worked through lunch
so I could make it to town before the satellite City Hall closed. Although
it closes at 4:30, I was told that the cashier closed at 4 o' clock. I
was also told that the Ala Moana branch was open until 5pm. Baby went to
Ala Moana to pick up her paycheck and I was supposed to meet her there.
So, I took the bus and made it to Ala Moana before five o' clock. I went
immediately to the Satellite City Hall. However, I only have money market
checks with a minimum draw amount of $100. I was told that I could only
write a check for the exact amount. So, I will have to come back tomorrow
to pay for the registration. I guess I am fortunate that I can even do
that on Saturday.
Saturday September 6
Baby and I took a break from the gym tonight. We
took the bus to Kahala Mall and spent the evening at Barnes & Noble.
It is nice to unwind in a relaxing atmosphere. I read the usual computer
nerd stuff. I also read some audio nerd stuff. I see that vacuum tubes
have made quite a comeback with the esoteric crowd. Supposedly, vacuum
tubes have a cleaner sound because they clip much cleaner when overloaded.
The only drawback is that they heat up the listening room. Sheesh! I'm
just happy with my Bose Wave clock-radio!
I think Baby has been stressing out over the job
situation. She had three interviews so far this week. She has another interview
tomorrow morning. She will not be returning to the teleconferencing dump
on Monday. However, she has not been reassigned yet, so she may have a
few days off. Well, I guess she can spend more time at the gym. I found
out indirectly that I will no longer have the office that I am occupying
at work. I am using the office of one of two people who are out on maternity
leave. No one knows where I will be moved to. I'll probably end up moving
into the janitor's closet.
I feel sorry for moms. She spent quite a bit of
money buying new carpets for the house. The Ninja Turd has had a few "accidents"
on the carpet, since the little prince is still not potty trained. So,
the carpet now smells like whiz. Moms also bought new living room and bedroom
furniture specifically for the Ninja Turd family. Moms has been struggling
to pay the bills and has asked everyone to help her conserve as much as
possible. Nonetheless, my sister-in-law refuses to give up her 15-minute,
hot showers. Never mind that no one else has hot water after she's done.
She also waits for moms to leave the house and then calls everyone in the
world. She refuses to pay for her long distance calls, though. She also
runs the air conditioner full-blast with all the windows in the house open.
I wish I was making this stuff up, but it is all too real. And, it is grating
on my nerves.
Sunday September 7
Baby and I missed the bus this morning, so I drove
us to Ala Moana in my beloved six-four. Thus, baby was not late to her
interview. I was able to finally complete the registration process for
my six-four. I have received my new Hawai'i license plates, but I have
not removed my Cali plates yet. Somehow my six-four just wouldn't look
proper without its Cali plates. We ate bento lunch at Shirokiya
and returned home. We did not do much else for the rest of the day. I wanted
to stay at home and relax with a few tunes courtesy my Bose Wave radio.
I went to the gym twice today. Baby took the bus
to the Down to Earth health food store. Moms was gone for the afternoon.
My sister-in-law went shopping but she was due back within a few minutes
so I wanted to be outta here. My bro went somewhere, too. When I came back,
my sister-in-law and nephew were taking a nap with the air conditioner
on. There was a mess in the sink and ants were all over the place. I just
went back into the "warehouse" that I call my room. Yep! It was time to
listen to my Bose Wave radio! Baby came home a little after 3 o' clock.
She cleaned up my sister-in-law's mess. Then, she walked to the gym. I
left for the gym about 30 minutes later. When we returned, moms was cooking
a whole mess of food in the kamado. And, yes, moms did put in the
replacement part that baby made for her.
Monday September 8
We ate dinner with moms. My sister-in-law went
somewhere with my nephew. Moms thought that my sister-in-law had gone out
to look for the bro since he was not home yet. It was nice to have a quiet
dinner with moms. My sister-in-law returned just as we were finishing.
After all the cooking moms did, my sister-in-law decided to open a frozen
Tombstone pizza and microwave it for dinner. Is she just lacking tact,
or is she making yet another brain donation? My bro came home at 8 o' clock.
He has been coming home late almost every night. Moms said that he has
been working late. Very interesting. Baby mentioned that she saw my bro's
car late one evening on her way home on the express bus. The bus passes
right by the construction site he works at. His car was the only one in
the parking lot. I have no idea what is going on. Baby and I walked to
Koko Marina after dinner. We don't play the shower game with certain family
members anymore because we take our showers at the gym.
As I sat at the bus stop this morning, I saw a
car speeding up the road toward me. A small dog appeared and meandered
across the street. In true Carmageddon fashion, the car never slowed
down. The brain donor missed the dog by mere inches. I thought for a moment.
What if the putz was not paying attention and saw the dog at the last minute?
The natural reaction would be to veer away from the dog and slam on the
brakes. Had that happened, I would have been the victim. Normally, I am
almost comatose while I sit and wait for the bus. I'll be wide awake from
now on, and I'll be ready to jump out of harm's way. By the way, Carmageddon
is that new video game in which one of the objectives is to run down as
many pedestrians as possible. Lord knows what else we'll be calling entertainment.
Tuesday September 10
Baby didn't get another assignment, so she kept
moms company today. She also helped moms with a few household chores. Baby
and moms also walked to Koko Marina together to do grocery shopping. We
went to the gym after dinner. By the time we returned, everyone has usually
gone to bed. That seems to work out best for all parties concerned. Moms
always gets up to say goodnight to us.
Baby helped moms today by doing a tremendous amount
of cleaning. Moms left early in the morning, but she was pleasantly surprised
when she returned. Baby went to the gym early. She then left for an interview
in Kuapa Kai. I had another exciting day at work. Windows 95 crashes on
me at least three times a day. I really am ready for Linux. Sheesh! When
I came home, moms told me that baby went to town. So, I went to the gym
and did a quick workout so I could get home in time for dinner. After dinner,
baby wanted to go back to the gym. We decided to go for a walk around the
neighborhood instead. And, when we came back home, it was time to relax
with the soothing sounds of my beloved Bose Wave radio.
Wednesday September 11
My bro came home late again tonight. He eats dinner
and then he studies for about an hour for his class on Saturday (part of
his carpentry journeyman training). Moms is worried that something is going
on because she knows that my bro and sister-in-law have cheated on each
other before. I think that he is just hanging around with some of the guys
from the construction crew. Many of those guys are younger than my bro
and are probably still single so they have time to kill. Perhaps my bro
is getting tired of the situation himself. However, it was his choice to
marry my sister-in-law. It was his choice to have a kid. So, they made
their bed. Now, they must sleep in it. The only problem is that moms has
to launder the sheets, if you know what I mean. And, finally, thanks to
Alan (email@example.com) for writing in!
I spent the day at work installing Microsoft Visual
InterDev and Visual J++ software. Both are powerful development tools that
I need to learn to further my career as a computer nerd. I suppose that
I should learn Java, although there has been a recent upheaval of sorts
since Corel dropped its Java development plans. Baby met me at Kahala Mall
after work. We did a little shopping. Then, we went to Barnes & Noble
for a quiet evening. I read up on Visual InterDev and Visual J++. Well,
hey! I'm a computer nerd! Baby bought me one of those Chevron toy cars.
They are models of the animated cars in the Chevron Techron commercials
on the tube. She got me the one called Patty Patrol (a cop car) since I
want to become a cop. Speaking of which, I finally received the cop examination
results. I passed the written test. So, I will be going into the next phase
of the recruitment process. So far, almost three months have passed since
I first submitted my application. How long is this process going to take?
Thursday September 12
Tomorrow, I have to attend a Microsoft conference
in Waikiki. It will be four hours long, and I suspect that it will be a
four hour informercial with non-stop hype. I just hope that there will
be some food provided. While I'm on the topic of computers, I should mention
that something is wrong with my ISP's SMTP server so I am having quite
a bit of difficulty sending e-mail. The POP3 server is fine so I receive
e-mail just fine. Well, now I have an excuse for my three-week delays in
I took the express bus to town and then I took
a regular bus to Waikiki. At 7 o' clock in the morning, Waikiki is actually
very pleasant. I walked along the near-empty sidewalk to the Sheraton Waikiki.
Of course, once I entered the hotel, it was another story. The place was
packed, mostly with tourists. I followed a couple of people who looked
like they would be attending a computer seminar. Sure enough. They led
me right to where the conference was being held ... the Molokai Room. The
place was packed. Fortunately, coffee and pastries were provided. I ran
into one of the guys from work. We sat and talked for a few minutes. He
went inside while I continued chowing down on the grub. The rest of the
people from work arrived. They went in and sat in the middle of the seating
area. I sat in the back. The conference was exactly as I expected. It was
over four hours of hype about why all of us in the audience need to buy
Microsoft junks. There was also stuff about intranets. The demonstration
has now given my boss new ideas that he might want implemented. Naturally,
this means a significant redesign of the existing project. There was considerable
hype about the Web and the new push (channel) technology. Of course,
the bottom line was money. Everything was centered on e-commerce and how
businesses can make a fortune on the Web. Then, we were all told about
the demise of static Web pages. "Users expect more ... blah, blah ... database
connectivity ... blah, blah ... streaming video ... blah, blah." Well,
that means LoserNet needs to cash in its chips. Maybe I should set up a
channel for LoserNet. In any case, don't believe the hype!
Friday September 12
Baby was not in good spirits when I returned home.
She has not worked all week and she has not been given a new assignment
from the employment agency. None of the places that she interviewed with
called back. She also misses her daughter, who happens to still be in Oregon.
Baby's ex-husband has agreed to take care of their daughter until the end
of the year. That buys a little more time for baby. However, she is growing
tired of the situation here. She does not like living under the rules of
the house. I fully understand her position, although there is nothing that
can be done. Entertaining any other alternative is fruitless at this point
in time. Moms treats baby more like a family member these days. I know
that moms is worried about baby's situation. Sometimes baby misunderstands
moms' intentions. That may also be causing undue stress. Only time will
tell but, since static Web pages are out of style, LoserNet may not be
around to continue with this woeful tale. I had better throw in a quick
Pidgin English lesson. The word of the day is lolo. I bet
you can guess what the definition of lolo is. Did you say, "Brain
donor"? You are correct!
Visual InterDev and Visual J++ crashed at least
10 times today at work. I had to reboot the computer each time. Talk about
frustration! I met baby at Kahala Mall after work. We sat around for a
few minutes before taking the bus home. I was planning on going to the
gym after dinner but I heard an advertisement as I listened to my Bose
Wave radio. The Aloha Week Ho'olaule'a Festival has been going on all week,
and there was a big event downtown tonight to cap off the festivities.
This was the same event that my bro and I attempted to go to two years
ago. Most of the streets in the downtown area were closed off. There were
many food booths and entertainment stages were set up everywhere. The whole
place was packed with people. We stopped to listen to a local dance band
called Sunland. I remember when baby and I saw them performing at Ala Moana.
I thought that they were just lip-syncing since there were no musicians
accompanying them. As it turns out, they are a real group and they were
extremely entertaining. We returned home rather late. I am glad that we
Saturday September 13
Baby had an appointment at 11 o' clock in Kaimuki.
I met her at Ala Moana at one o' clock. I had to mail a package with two
boxes of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts to the Cardinal from the Ala
Moana Post Office. Baby and I had our usual iced coffee drinks at Gloria
Jean's. We looked around for a while and returned home. We then went to
the gym for a quick workout. After dinner, we took the bus to Kahala Mall.
We looked around at a few of the stores. I wanted to purchase the Sunland
CD. We found it on sale at Tower Records. We also checked the Barnes &
Noble music section to see if the price was lower. No dice. We did not
hang out and drink coffee at Barnes & Noble this evening. Say it ain't
so! Baby bought yet another Kurt Vonnegut book. Then, we went back to Tower
so I could buy the CD. The CD is produced by Lavaland Records ... no relation
to the ol' lavahead. You know, as I read back in this journal, I have noticed
that my life has become somewhat more routine. I am doing the same things
over and over again. Is this part of wage slavery? Actually, the more I
think about it, my life has always been a repetitive routine. Well, hey!
I'm a boring guy!
Sunday September 14
Baby and I took my beloved six-four out for its
weekly drive. We took the recycling over to the recycling bins and drove
to Kuapa Kai to do a little shopping. The weather has been extremely hot
lately, which is why we chose not to walk to Kuapa Kai. We returned home
and ate lunch. After lunch, we decided to go to Kahala Mall just to cool
off in the air conditioned mall. As we walked to the bus stop, we saw the
Hawai'i Kai Drive bus pass by. So, we missed the bus. Fortunately, the
Lunalilo Home Road bus made the turn onto Kaumakani Street in the distance.
We ran back to the bus stop. We took the Lunalilo bus all the way back
into Kalama Valley. The bus stops there for ten minutes and turns around
to head back to town. Baby and I got off and looked around for a few minutes.
I have never been back in Kalama Valley before. I know that sounds a bit
strange since this area is only a few miles away from moms' place. However,
none of those subdivisions existed when I was growing up in Hawai'i. We
finally made it to Kahala Mall. We looked around and enjoyed the air conditioning.
We also drank our favorite iced coffee drinks at Starbuck's. When we returned
home, we were going to try to make it to the gym. There was very little
time, so we went for a walk into the Portlock area instead. Portlock is
the high rent district of Hawai'i Kai. In fact, Henry J. Kaiser's former
mansion resides at the end of Portlock Road. Well, there you have it! Another
day in the life of a fool. That's why I'm the Keeper of Lost Lives. Sheesh!
Monday September 15
My computer at work crashed approximately every
10 minutes which almost caused me to become homicidal. I uninstalled both
InterDev and Visual J++. I stayed a few minutes later to finish downloading
a Java development program. Thus, I missed my usual bus. I had to wait
about 20 minutes for the next bus. It took about 35 minutes to reach the
middle of downtown since we had to stop at every bus stop. You know the
drill. I don't think that I was cut out for the commuter's life. Commuting
is bringing me to the brink of sanity. Watching all the traffic on the
surface streets is making me homicidal. Smelling everyone's Kim Chee breath
on a crowded bus is pushing me closer to the edge. Sheesh! Baby had an
interview close to where I work. So, she was able to experience the crowded
buses that stop at every bus stop which are full of people who eat a whole
bottle of Kim Chee for breakfast. Baby did get a job offer today from a
firm she interviewed with last week. She applied for the loan processor
position, but she was offered a junior loan processor position for $500
less per month. She is in a quandary, although she may take the position
anyway. That would be better than waiting for the employment agency to
call. She sat it out all last week, and that is not doing much to pay her
expenses. She probably needs to look at the job as a means to an end. She
does not have to stay there forever. In the meantime, she can gain some
experience and develop another local reference.
Tuesday September 16
time to check in with all my virtual homeys! First, I received the photo
at the right from Annabelle (firstname.lastname@example.org) in the Netherlands.
That's her with her homey, JP, and ... what's this? Are those 41-Year-Old
Virgin T-shirts? Yes, they are! Ho boy! Perhaps LoserNet needs to start
marketing some official LoserNet products. How about Loser Living Upstairs
ear plugs, or official Idiots Next Door Ding Dongs? Sheesh! Our homey from
Seattle, Kevin (email@example.com), is moving to the mid-West.
Say, that reminds me. Where is The Bull? I have not heard from him in a
long time. According to the Cardinal, The Bull claims that I have not been
answering any of his e-mail. Whassup wi' dat?
Well, I have been reading quite a few computer
publications lately. The more I read, the more disheartened I become. The
Net has changed significantly since LoserNet made its debut two years ago.
Web pages were called home pages back then. There was a sense of
family on the Web because most of the sites were personal pages. Things
have really changed. The commercial sites have all but choked the small
guys off of the Web. They hog the so-called bandwidth with large, flashy
graphics and time-consuming server-side applications. And, for what? To
separate you from your wallet, that's what! I spend time on the Web as
part of my job. I am sick of reading the hype. I also read all of the nerd
magazines and there is more hype. For a few hundred bucks, I can buy software
that will create "commercial quality" Web sites which includes the usual
assortment of canned graphics and animations. Have you noticed that the
same graphics are appearing everywhere? All that to say that maybe it is
time for LoserNet to throw in the towel.
One of my co-workers gave me a small Chinese Moon
Cake. Apparently, today is the day that there will be fullest moon of year
in the sky, or that is what she told me. Aside from that, work was mundane.
I installed Java Studio and acquainted myself with it. I have to admit
that it was one of the more entertaining rapid application development
(RAD) suites I've seen. It can create Java applets without any coding.
It is visual-based. Java components appear as icons, and it just takes
a click of the mouse to connect them. By the way, my computer only crashed
four times today. Looks like InterDev and Visual J++ were the culprits
after all! Baby went to work today at her new job. It seems that no one
is quite sure what her function will be since the office is in a state
Wednesday September 17
I have been playing with Java Studio at work and
I have been fairly impressed with it. The only problem is that I cannot
come up with any Java applets ideas. As a true minimalist, my mind draws
a blank when I need to think in extravagant terms. I could try to develop
something for LoserNet. If any of you out there in LoserLand have any good
ideas, please let me know. While I stood at the bus stop after work, my
beloved cell phone rang. Baby called and wanted to meet me downtown. I
met baby downtown and we took the bus to Kahala Mall. Our usual Wednesday
routine is to go to Barnes & Noble. I read more hype in the computer
nerd magazines. Fortunately, there was a copy of the Linux Journal or I
would have lost my mind with all that Windows 98 nonsense. Sheesh! Baby
spent the evening writing letters, which was probably more productive than
what I did. After dinner, we went for a walk around the neighborhood to
stir the neighborhood dogs into a howling frenzy. I have found that my
huge flashlight (with a lens as big as a headlight) tends to deter the
barking especially when I shine it directly in Fido's face. Poor Fido!
Thursday September 18
I downloaded ActiveX Control Pad today. Like Java
Studio, it is a RAD tool to build ActiveX components. Naturally, it is
a Microsoft product. And, as you well know, ActiveX only runs in Microsoft's
browser. There is a plug-in available for Netscape browsers, but how many
people bother? I'm not exactly sure where I will be heading with those
development products. Baby has been at her new job for three days now.
She seems a little less stressed now that she does not have to rely on
temporary work assignments from the employment agency. I had to move out
of my cubicle at work today. I am now sharing a crowded cubicle with Paul,
who was also hired on for six months. There are no plans to take either
of us on permanently. That is fine with me. I have been somewhat surprised
by how typical this organization is. It is basically a DOS shop. The staff
works almost full-time patching up existing Clipper applications. Temporary
"consultants" like myself and Paul are brought in when someone goes on
an extended leave. I am inclined to believe that the person who designed
all of the existing DOS applications was also a "temp."
Friday September 19
After that nonsense, I was glad to return home.
I walked down to the gym and did a quick workout. Baby must have returned
home late because she was just coming into the gym as I was leaving. At
8 o' clock, moms became a little worried about baby. So, I walked down
to Koko Marina. Apparently baby walked home a different way because she
had already left the gym. I told her not to walk different routes at night
especially since there is some kind of psycho living nearby (according
to the newspaper). That is life in the city, eh? And now, more virtual
homey stuff! Thanks to Professor ShoeString (firstname.lastname@example.org) and
Mattias (email@example.com) for writing in! Net access in
Europe and other countries is much costlier than it is here, but Mattias
remains a loyal homey! Richard (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote in
to say that he used to boycott Burger King "but then I thought, 'if the
Keeper of Lost Lives eats 'em, they can't be that bad!' and pow! boycott
lifted." Say, that reminds me ... I'm due for a Whopper! Lastly, I finally
heard from my homey, Skip (email@example.com). Good news! He and Lorraine
are to be married. They are also moving back to Convalescent City at the
end of the month. Thanks to everyone for keeping in touch!
I spent all day downloading more intranet modules.
I have been thinking about scrapping my current project and just customize
the new modules. Most of the modules are far more sophisticated than what
I have been doing. The problem is that I need to learn Active Server Pages
quickly, as well as Java and Visual Basic. And, I need Visual InterDev!
Sheesh! I have been officially moved into the new cubicle. I will be sharing
an extremely small space with Paul, the other "temp." Paul is an amazing
guy. He once had it all, including his own business (in computers, of course).
With it came all the toys and trappings. Then, one day he decided to give
it up. He and his current wife bought a sailboat, and they have spent the
last few years in various countries. They pick up work wherever they go
in order to survive. I assume that computer nerds are in demand everywhere.
They just arrived in Hawai'i from Costa Rica back in December. They will
be leaving for the mainland in April.
Saturday September 20
When I arrived home, I felt a little warm so moms
gave me a thermometer to take my temperature. I had a 99.6o
temperature. I didn't feel too bad, so I went to the gym. When I came home,
I felt terrible. I was burning up with a fever. Sheesh! I lapsed into a
coma for the rest of the evening. I regained consciousness every now and
then so I could listen to my beloved Bose radio. I guess this was bound
to happen. There are three people in the office who are sick. One has been
out for most of the week. Have you noticed how sickly most office people
are? Then, I have have to take the "milk run" bus through Kalihi. Aside
from permanently smelling like Kim Chee, the passengers are constantly
coughing and sneezing. Mind you, I am not trying to be condescending. Most
of them are immigrants, and they work extremely hard. Some of them have
two full-time jobs just so they can survive in Hawai'i. I cannot blame
them because they are forced to live in bad conditions. In any case, I
surmise that my weekend will be uneventful.
I felt much better today. Baby forced me to take
Tylenol for my splitting headache. I have taken more Tylenol in one day
than I have in over ten years. In fact, I just hate taking any medication.
The only medication I used regularly was King Cobra. Don't let the smooth
taste fool ya! Baby and I drove to Kuapa Kai in the morning. I wanted to
see if I could set up an appointment for a physical examination. The only
times available were during my normal work hours. I will have to see what
I can do to accomodate those times. I may have to do the unthinkable ...
yep, I may have to work on Saturday. Yuck! We also stopped in at Ross so
that baby could exchange some things she bought last week. There was yet
another Ho'olaule'a festival going on there. We didn't stay because it
was too crowded. After lunch, we took the bus to Ala Moana. Baby and I
had decaffeinated iced coffee at Gloria Jean's. I started feeling crummy
while I was there. I was not in the best of moods. Baby and I took the
bus home. When we got off, it was raining hard. We had to walk about a
half-mile, since this particularly bus does not go through our neighborhood.
When I got home, I was soaking wet. I was shivering, too. That pretty much
took care of any plans for the evening. So, I just worked on my journal
and tried to catch up with backlogged e-mail.
Sunday September 21
Moms had given baby a lead on a house that might
be available for rent. The house is less than a block away. Through the
network of neighbors, baby was able to locate the owner. She called this
morning and made an appointment. The house will be available October 1st
and the rent will be $1,000. It is a nice three-bedroom, two-bath home.
Baby told moms about the house this evening. Baby said that she thought
that moms appeared sad upon hearing the news. I guess moms is a little
concerned that she won't see baby anymore. After all, most of the neighbors
keep to themselves around here. Baby has decided to stay on with the firm
that hired her, although she says that the work environment has been less
than desirable. The owners are from Cali, and they visit often. Apparently,
that's where the problem lies. The owners are pushy haoles who even
stoop so low as to yell at their employees. I told baby to consider the
job as a stepping stone. That is the same with my job. If I screw up, though,
I will not be doing any computer nerd work anymore.
I wanted to ask moms a question this morning.
So, I walked into her room and I saw her massaging her hand. She was cutting
her fingernails and got a cramp in her hand. For some reason, the scene
invoked a sensation of remorse. For the rest of the day, I was bombarded
with my own thoughts and feelings of guilt for waiting so long to return
home. Moms is getting old, and I pretty much returned to spend the last
of her years here. Why didn't I come back earlier? What was I doing that
was so important that I had to stay in Cali? I was moved to tears by my
own stupidity. I cannot imagine the day when I will never see moms again.
And, what have I really done for moms? I'll never make up for the lost
time. I will just have to make sure that everything is quality time from
Monday September 22
Baby and I went to Kahala Mall this afternoon.
I wanted to look for some cheap slippers at Woolworth's. There were none,
so went to Long's Drugs to buy a few things. By the way, if I haven't mentioned
it before, Long's is a very popular store in Hawai'i. Everyone shops at
Long's. We drank iced coffee drinks at Starbuck's, watched the featured
Aloha Week entertainment, and returned home on the bus. Baby left for the
gym before I did. I sat around and ruminated for a bit, and then I went
to the gym. After the gym, I decided that I wanted to buy a vacuum cleaner
for moms. She has wanted a new vacuum cleaner for a while. She showed me
an advertisement last week for a Eureka vacuum at Sears. So, baby and I
drove to Ala Moana in my beloved six-four. As it turned out, Ala Moana
stays open on Sunday until 8 o' clock, but Sears doesn't. We spent the
two minutes of time that was left before the store closed to look around.
We could not find the particular model moms showed me. We then drove to
K-Mart on Nimitz Highway. I was tempted to look for a new K-Mart all-in-one
entertainment center, but I already have my beloved Bose Wave radio. Baby
and I found what we thought was the vacuum that moms wanted. So, I bought
it. We brought it home and gave it to moms. I don't think that material
gifts really fill the need to show appreciation. However, for the time
being, that is all I could think of. Moms lives a very mendicant lifestyle.
In fact, she makes me look like Big Money Grip. Sheesh! She may want something,
but she will rarely buy anything for herself. Rather, she will make do
with what she has. That is why she wired together the broken pieces of
the kamado and used it until baby made the new part for her. Moms
deserves a lot better.
I tried to install the intranet modules on the
Windows NT server with the help of my boss as he is the only person with
system administrator priviledges. For some reason, nothing would install.
If that wasn't bad enough, I found out that the present server is being
replaced with a new machine. Then, Paul and I found out that our computers
are being replaced with new ones. That's nice insofar as new technology
is concerned. However, the new machines will be running Windows NT. Our
main concern was that all of our development stuff resides on our present
Windows 95 computers. Also, some of the programs we use may not be compatible
with NT. I have no idea what to do until all the new machines (particularly
the server) are installed. Sheesh! For some reason, I was sitting on the
express bus this afternoon and thinking about what would happen if some
goon sat on the bag that I had laying on the seat next to me. The bag had
a loaf of Sweet Bread in it. I buy several loaves (the round kind) every
week. I envisioned taking out the flattened loaf and attempting to suffocate
the perpetrator with it. I could see myself grinding the pathetic loaf
into his face. As he gurgles and gropes with his arms flailing about, I
break out in maniacal laughter. Then, I force-feed the Sweet Bread to him.
Okay, I may be ready to lose it again.
Tuesday September 23
When I returned home, moms was playing with her
new vacuum cleaner. She wanted me to try it out, too. I have a feeling
that it wasn't quite what she wanted, but the size and weight are perfect
for her. Anyway, moms is planning to keep the vacuum cleaner. I went to
the gym early. Baby went there later. Well, it's the beginning of another
week of wage slavery. Here we go again!
I found out that moms scrubbed every square foot
of carpet in the house by hand yesterday with Pine-Sol in order to kill
the sickening smell of whiz. Had I known that she was going to do that,
I would have rented a steam cleaner. The weather has changed in the last
day or so. There have been frequent rain showers. Mind you, it is still
hot here. The rain caused several accidents yesterday. Baby's bus was delayed,
so she didn't arrive at home until after 6:30pm. We didn't go to the gym
because we would be out too late. Thus, we settled for a nice walk around
Wednesday September 24
I discovered that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands,
of journals on the Web. Thus, the competitor and I have quite a bit of
competition. It is too bad that I don't have unlimited Net access and unlimited
time, for that matter. I find it interesting to read other people's perspectives
on life. I am fascinated by the amount of creative genius that is put into
each individual site's production. With so many great journals to choose
from, it becomes easy to see why LoserNet's readership is dwindling.
Baby and I did not go to Barnes & Noble in
Kahala Mall this evening. Baby apparently misplaced her bus pass. The driver
in the morning let her on the bus since she is a regular. However, she
had had to pay to ride in the afternoon. I came home and went to the Post
Office to pick up a certified letter. It had to do with the cop recruitment.
I will be taking the pychological examination in a month. I will need to
have a valid Hawai'i driver's license by then, but I really don't want
to give up my Cali driver's license. Baby and I walked to Koko Marina after
dinner. We have noticed something interesting. Usually, on Wednesdays,
we go to Barnes & Noble and return home at about 8:30 or so. The bro
and sister-in-law seemingly wait until we get home before they all decide
to take their showers. Tonight, we were home early. They decided to take
their showers early. I am more inclined to believe that this is a deliberate
act. Normally, we don't care since we take our showers at the gym. By the
way, people take evening showers in Hawai'i. After all day in this heat
and humidity, you would understand why.
Thursday September 25
Baby made airline reservations for her daughter
to fly to Hawai'i during the Discoverer's Day holiday in October. She also
made reservations for her daughter's move here in January. New carpet was
installed in the house that baby will be renting. I will be staying here
with moms for the time being. The main reason is that I have to help moms
maintain control of her house. I am sure that certain other family members
have plans for the room that baby is now sleeping in. I plan to occupy
that room. And, to thwart any other plans in the works, I will continue
to sleep in the back room (the "warehouse") on the couch. My rationale
will be that the back room is cooler and I'll be able to much sleep better
there. So, I will actually be occupying two rooms. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaa!
I must make a correction. Baby's daughter will
be visiting in November during the long Veteran's Day weekend. In lieu
of any real excitement, I will now provide the wage slave update. The main
network servers went down this morning. Apparently, the backup batteries
for the computers were being replaced and someone flipped the wrong switch.
That, in turn, fried a controller. This particular controller is a keyboard
and monitor multiplexor. Comical as it may seem, the controller was purchased
to reduce the sheer number of monitors and keyboards for all of the servers.
To bring the servers back on-line, the only monitor and keyboard available
had to be plugged into each server one at a time. The new computers arrived.
Everyone was scurrying about like kids in a candy store ... everyone, that
is, except for Paul and I. We apparently will be keeping our old computers.
As a matter of fact, everyone was so preoccupied with setting up their
new computers that Paul and I were wondering if any of them gave a damn
about the projects we are working on. I have yet to see anybody fix the
problem with the NT server partitions. So, I threw my hands in the air
and ordered the Intranet Solutions Pack from Microsoft. It also comes with
another CD-ROM that contains evaluation copies of Windows NT server, SQL
server, etc. I will probably just make a developmental partition and run
server software on my pathetic computer. Sheesh!
Friday September 26
The main network server went down this morning
because of more hardware problems that are being attributed to the battery
replacement fiasco yesterday. The server was off-line all day which rendered
all of our workstations useless. I read a Windows NT book and Paul played
Tetris. We had network connections for a short time before the server went
down. Paul had been checking out the Dilbert Zone Web site. He called
me over and showed me today's cartoon installment. "Does this look familiar?"
he asked. Yeah, it looked too familiar. I'm beginning to see why Scott
Adams is laughing all the way to the bank as he capitalizes on the woeful
tales of wage slavery.
Saturday September 27
I called baby to let her know that I was going
to get my monk haircut after work. She was a little distressed because
she found out that the pilau wahine had rented the house to someone
else. The pilau wahine told baby some lame crap about not coming
up with a security deposit, not being able to pay the rent, blah blah.
I should have gone over there and set that brain donor straight. She knew
that she was going to rent to someone else. That's why she had the carpets
replaced a week earlier. She was just using baby as leverage to force more
dough out of the other people. The sad part is that the house really belongs
to the pilau wahine's mother, who is senile. To show you what kind
of losers baby was dealing with, we discovered that the pilau wahine's
son is living at home with the pilau wahine. He is a loser, too.
He has been arrested for spousal abuse, and the cops have been to their
house several times. I don't know what the pilau wahine's husband
does, but the pilau buggah has got to be a loser. They had better
hope that I do not become a cop because I'll make sure that I answer any
complaints at their address. For losers like them, I would have to break
out the rubber hose and chastise them senselessly before I arrest them.
I'm sure you remember what the definition of pilau and buggah
are. Wahine is the Hawai'ian word for woman or girl. Finally, thanks
to Steve Berlin of Useless Home Pages for writing! Also, thanks
to Allison (firstname.lastname@example.org) for letting me know that LoserNet
was included in yesterday's Yahoo category of the day!
I spent most of my day running an errand for moms.
She wanted me to enlarge and make copies of an article for her. Baby went
along with me. We first took the bus at Kuapa Kai, and I was able to make
an appointment for a physical examination in the late afternoon this coming
Tuesday. Then, we caught the next bus to Kaimuki. Baby wanted to stop in
at the Goodwill store. We caught yet another bus to the University area.
Baby wanted to buy a few health food items at Down to Earth. We then walked
across the street to Burger King to eat lunch. Whoppers, our way, of course!
Sheesh! Baby went home after lunch after we had a disagreement. I continued
on to Ala Moana. As to be expected, nothing ever turns out as planned.
I like to patronize establishments that treat me as though I am a valued
customer, not just a loser. That is why I went all the way to Ala Moana.
When I arrived at the usual place that I make copies, I discovered that
there were no copying machines in sight. I had to take the bus back to
the University area. Fortunately, on the way to Ala Moana on the bus, I
had noticed that there was another branch of the same copy place less than
a block from Down to Earth. So, that's where I made my copies.
Sunday September 28
Baby hasn't been in a great mood since the stunt
the pilau wahine pulled. We happened to notice that the new tenants
have already moved into the house. What does that tell you? The place already
looks bad. Well, stupidity has no bounds. I'm sure that the pilau wahine
will end up getting her just reward whether I become a homicidal cop or
I decided to work on my beloved six-four today.
I had been putting off the transmission work for two month now. The job
ended up taking me three hours instead of the one hour I had projected.
Naturally, it was windy today. It is always windy whenever I want to work
on my six-four. From the minute I loosened the bottom plate of the transmission,
the stoneface substituted for the drain pan. The wind blew the fluid everywhere.
So, I had a real mess on my hands, so to speak. I actually reverted to
cussing. Mind you, I never cuss unless I am on the verge of losing it.
After all was said and done, my six-four ran fine. Baby and I went to the
gym for an hour or so. I waxed my six-four after we returned from the gym.
The paint, or what is left of it, is in bad shape. The sun must be closer
in distance to us here in Hawai'i than, say, to people on the mainland
because it just seems to be so much brighter and hotter.
Monday September 29
Baby and I decided to go to Barnes & Noble
in Kahala after dinner. The place was packed with people. We were only
able to find a table next to a Shakespeare reading group. Baby went to
get the coffee while I sat at the table. Some clown came by and attempted
to grab baby's chair without even asking. I put a stop to that nonsense
immediately. Then, the same loser tried to take the chair I was sitting
on. He told me that the chair was part of the Shakespeare group. I couldn't
take it anymore. I got up and threw the chair at him. He told me that I
could keep the chair if I was going to have an attitude like that. What
a maroon! I had to revert to cussing again. We had to leave Barnes &
Noble immediately. The evening was ruined anyway, but I was not even prepared
for what the sinister kahuna had planned for me later in the evening
in an attempt to push me over the edge.
an upgrade on my computer for the Windows 95 Dial-Up Networking component.
This was deemed a "must have" upgrade. After the installation, strange
and sinister things began to happen. Upon booting up my computer, I received
a "protection error" message. I had to reboot several times before I was
finally able to do anything. Then, I tried to connect to my ISP. The modem
couldn't connect because it sensed that the line was busy. However, no
one was using the phone. I had to completely close Navigator and my FTP
programs before the modem would dial out. I normally load those programs
prior to connecting to my ISP so I don't have to waste valuable connect
time while I wait for them to load. I decided that I would uninstall the
nefarious upgrade. When I did, I also uninstalled all my network services
including Personal Web Server. I spent the rest of the evening installing
and reconfiguring my computer to run the way it did before the so-called
upgrade. I was able to connect, but I still had the busy line problem.
Woe is me! Woe is the sinister kahuna!
The network fiasco continued at work. No one was
in a good mood because most of them ended up working all weekend. People
in other departments affected by the computer down time were equally frazzled.
There was no kama'aina spirit today. I was still left with nothing
to do. The intranet is the lowest priority right now as is my phone. After
I moved to the cubicle that I share with Paul, no one has bothered to reconnect
my office phone to the exchange. So, effectively, I have spent over a week
on the Web. I have downloaded a variety of useful and useless software.
I'm not exactly sure when thing are going to return to normal. Both baby
and I went to the gym after work. Then, we spent the rest of the evening
relaxing. Well, I caught up with my journal since I was choking the chicken
with my beloved computer last night.
Tuesday September 30
I have also researched that push technology nonsense.
I have accumulated the documentation and sample code to incorporate both
Netscape and Microsoft push technology into the LoserNet site. I'm not
exactly sure whether that is the direction LoserNet should go. However,
that will be the way the Net will go. Those who fail to be assimilated
will eventually perish. The question is ... who really wants to see a push
version of LoserNet? Judging from the access stats, nobody does. Sheesh!
When I arrived at work this morning, I found Paul
reading a magazine. I knew immediately that the network was down again.
Within a few minutes, our boss came in and told us that we might as well
call it a day because none of the servers were up. The word had come from
upper management that the two "consultants" should not be paid for idle
time. Paul left immediately. I worked for the rest of the day because I
have my own server on my computer. I left an hour early from work so I
could make it to my appointment for a physical examination. Since I took
a regular bus, I allowed for an hour and a half of transit time. The bus
driver drove extremely slow. He also stopped at every bus stop just to
kill time. Several punks boarded the bus in Niu Valley. They were yelling
and cussing in the back. One of the punks was sitting across the aisle
from me. He was kicking my chair so I had to chastise him. The bus driver
stopped the bus at one point and came back to chastise the punks, too.
As it were, they all live in Hahaione Valley, the affluent part of Hawai'i
Kai ... rich punks.
Wait, There's More!
My doctor's appointment was less than exciting.
In actuality, it was somewhat perturbing. I had to get undressed and wear
one of those stupid backless smocks. Then, the doctor came in. She told
me that the days of the complete physical examination are over. The new
trend precludes any kind of examination whatsoever. It is now up to the
patient to report any symptoms that may be suspect. I mentioned my trick
hip and my facial warts. She wanted to freeze all of the warts off with
liquid nitrogen. Can you imagine what the ol' lavahead would like after
that? I mentioned that the dermatologist I saw a few years ago recommended
that I apply Retin-A to the affected areas. So, she gave me a prescription
for Retin-A. What if I didn't remember that tidbit of information? Would
my face have become a cryogenic joke? That is really what health services
have been reduced to. Kaiser Permanenté is the Burger King of health
services. Well, actually, I can at least get a Whopper my way at
Burger King. Sheesh! I'm just glad that I'm not paying for those services.
Keep on keepin' with The Keeper! Everyone wants
him to give it up and make way for more exciting, graphics-overkilled Web
sites but he won't budge. He's still here and ready to continue on with
this endless banter. So, let's hele on now,
The Keeper of Lost Lives: Stop This Island ... I Wanna Get Off!
The Keeper of Lost Lives ... Tralfaz
Moms ... Herself
Baby ... Herself
© Copyright 1997 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.