Alas, if the soul could dance, would it be ballet?
I can only wonder. By the way, Soul Ballet is the name of a jazz group
that I have become rather fond of. After a hard day of slaving away at
the salt mines, one would be hard-pressed to find more soothing music than
the Trip the Night Fantastic CD by Soul Ballet.
Lori is under a considerable amount of stress.
However, she will not admit it. I believe that part of it is because her
daughter is leaving for New York tomorrow. I also believe that her upcoming
surgery is beginning to worry her. She has been extremely edgy lately.
Somehow I managed to neutralize the situation. The getaway to Maui is still
on for the weekend. Finally, many thanks to Tim (email@example.com)
for writing in!
Friday October 2
Lori was in much better spirits today when I met
her this morning. We both rode the bus to town. Lori had an appointment
in Kaimuki. She also said that she planned to go to the beach. She wants
to go to the beach at least one more time before her surgery. After the
surgery, she will not be able to go the beach for a few weeks. She cannot
expose the stitches to direct sunlight or the scar tissue will become more
pronounced. I met Lori at about 3pm at her place. She never made it to
the beach because the sky was too cloudy. After her daughter came home
from school, we all took the bus to the airport together. We made it there
with ample time to spare. Lori's daughter boarded the plane early. However,
after 30 minutes had elapsed and the plane was still on the ground, we
knew something was wrong. It took two hours more before the problem was
found and the plane was cleared for takeoff. The whole situation made both
Lori and I tense. For a while, we did not know whether the flight was going
to be cancelled. And, it was getting late. Lori and I wanted to get back
a little early because we are leaving for the airport at 6:30 in the morning.
Fortunately, everything worked out. We were able to make our bus connections.
We arrrived at home around 10:30pm. Sheesh!
Moon Over Kihei
So, Lori's daughter is on her way to New York.
Lori and I will be leaving for Maui tomorrow on an adventure in relaxation.
Remember that old saying, "Here today, gone to Maui"? Let's see if there
is any truth to that, shall we?
and I left at 6:30 this morning. Our bus connection to the airport went
smoothly. We made it there with ample time to spare. The flight to Kahalui
airport on Maui took about 15 minutes. I barely had enough time to finish
my cup of coffee. We got our rental car and decided to head for Kihei,
the small beach town we will be staying at. There are only a few main roads
that connect the towns in Maui so traffic was pretty heavy. However, it
was nothing like Honolulu. It took us about 15 minutes to get to Kihei
and find the Maui Oceanfront Inn, the hotel we were to be staying at. We
arrived before ten o' clock. Check-in time was at 3pm but we were fortunate
to have our room available. We unloaded our stuff and left for Lahaina.
The drive to Lahaina was nice. It took us about
25 minutes to get there. Lahaina is an old whaling village. One would be
hard-pressed to recognize it as such today. The narrow main street is now
lined with redundant shops selling art, jewelry or T-shirts. There were
a variety of over-priced restaurants, too. From what we could see, Lahaina
is another Waikiki in the making. We managed to find a couple of historic
sites. Then, we caught the tail end of the Ho'olaule'a festival. One of
the booths was selling plate lunches. Lau Lau and Kalua Pig. So, that's
what we ate for lunch. Lori went into practically every jewelry store there.
She looked at a variety of rings. I couldn't help but feel a little perturbed
because I still have the engagement ring. It was like a slap in the face.
We drove back to Kihei since it was getting to be late in the afternoon. The
Maui Oceanfront Inn was as rustic as I imagined it. However, it is one
of the few hotels situated right on the beach. So, Lori and I took an afternoon
walk along the beach. There were very few people on the beach. I was really
surprised. We walked along the strip of white sand for about a mile or
so and came back. The ocean along the Kihei coastline was rough, much rougher
than most of the beaches on O'ahu. I surmised that the absence of a barrier
reef was probably the cause.
Our night out on the town consisted of a drive
back to Kahalui to eat at the Sam Choy's restaurant there. It was an expensive
place. The food was good, although I am still not used to eating what appears
to be a sculpture. When we returned to Kihei, we took another stroll along
the beach. Walking along the beach at night is something that Lori has
wanted us to do for a long time. The glow of the full moon gently illuminated
the sand and the white crests of the waves. Lori looked so beautiful under the
moonlit sky. I realized that there just wasn't any price that could be attached
to this experience.
To top of our evening, I turned the tube on in
our hotel room only to discover that a cheesy B-movie called Cave Girl
Island was playing on USA Up All Night. It was about three spacebabes
who crash on earth and find that it is inhabited by a bunch of hunks. Well,
you know the rest of the story. Sheesh! And, so our first day of our Maui
getaway came to a close.
Sunday October 4
had a late start this morning, mostly because we were getting into the
convalescing spirit of Kihei. We took one last stroll along the beach before
it was time for us to check out of the hotel. We found a nice "tropical
Mexican" restaurant and ate lunch there before heading back to Kahalui.
With time to spare, I decided that we should visit the I'ao State Park
to view the somewhat spectacular I'ao Needle. We also visited the adjacent
Kepaniwai Heritage Gardens. That was pretty much the extent of our sightseeing
experience. We left for the airport shortly afterward. We returned the
rental car and leisurely made our way to the terminal.
From the air, we bid farewell to Maui. Our Maui
getaway was an enjoyable and relaxing experience. Now, it was time for
us to return to Honolulu. It was fairly evident to us that our lives and
our personalities would return to where we left off before the getaway.
I didn't expect any miraculous transformations to occur because of the
getaway. Where Lori and I go from here remains to be seen.
Lori has decided to go to the gym with her friend
Ann this week. So, she must get up at 4 o' clock in the morning to catch
the early bus. I thought this was ridiculous since she will be going into
surgery this Friday. I think that Lori wants to stay busy rather than come
to grips with the things that stress her out.
Monday October 5
Teaching classes at the university has been a
learning experience for me. I am beginning to see how hard it is. When
I see all those blank faces around the room, I cannot help but feel unsure
about my abilities. However, I have to remember that I was one of those
blank faces at one time. I have been too eager to please and so I have
made the curriculum too easy. Only a few people are really in school to
learn it seems. The rest appear to have no purpose but to avoid the mundane
working world as long as possible. Sad to say, I've done the same thing
so I should know better.
Lori became progressively more depressed as the
day went on. She is stressed out about quite a few things, and I was correct
in ascertaining that she has been this way since last week. She tried hard
to not to let it affect her during the Maui getaway but it was still apparent.
She is worried about her job again. There are some things going on that
defy logic. Then, there is the matter of her family dynamics. I am also
sure that her upcoming surgery is on her mind. The despair in her voice
was reminiscent of my own time of reckoning. Lori has made it her philosophy
to "put on a happy face" for the most part. I don't know whether the Wort
is what keeps me from slipping back into the abyss or not. Nothing has
really changed for me but I have a different outlook these days. Sure,
I have my moments of doubt especially during periods of sleep deprivation.
Even though I have uncertainties about my immediate future, I have come
to realize that I made a serious error by denying myself of everything
in the present. I was punishing myself for being a fool. My loans come
due in a week unless I am granted another reprieve. I am not too worried.
Actually, I am planning to set aside some dough for another getaway. Right
now, I'm still on Maui time and I've never felt this relaxed in a long time.
I saw the moon in the sky last night and I could still feel the sand between
my toes as I stood with Lori on the beach in Kihei.
Lori had another bout of angst this evening.
This is also the second day that she has had a drink after work. I tried
to find out what was bothering her. What started out as uncertainies about
her job turned into a list of my faults. Basically, she claims that I am
unappreciative of what she does. Her depression, she told me, resulted
from dealing with my time of reckoning. Really, the bottom line came down
to money. She wants another job where she can make more money. In my financial
position, I cannot help her out. However, rehashing all of this does nothing
but make me feel ineffectual.
At first, I thought that it was just a way for
Lori to end the relationship for good. She is still firmly committed to
the relationship, she said, although we are not engaged. She also said
that she will never ask for the ring back. Instead, I must present it to
her and propose again. I think that Lori was right when she told me that
I needed a lot of time to think when she gave me the ring back a few weeks
ago. We both need time to contemplate what is going on. I have come a long
way in the last few weeks. Maybe I owe it all to the Wort. I can't say. I
have been expressing my feelings more to Lori. I tell her that I love her.
I have tried to treat her special. And, I have tried to make any change for
the better. Lori asserts that I made changes based on my own perception of
her needs and so I missed the point. Then, when I asked her what point I
missed, she said that I should just be myself. Lori says that she's losin'
it. I think she's right, but I cannot take full responsibility for that.
I believe that the root of these problems go way back before my time.
observations concerning Lori should not be construed as harsh criticism.
She and I both have a lot of faults, none of which could be solely attributed
to our recent problems. As the day of Lori's surgery draws closer, she
is becoming more edgy. That's understandable. I have never had any major
surgery in my life so I cannot fully comprehend the ramifications. Perhaps
it's my prophylactic philosophy that has kept me out of harm's way. There
are some things in life that I do not care to experience especially if
I have a choice. Extreme pain is one of them. Then, too, this aspect of
my personality could be why I'm such a boring guy. Sheesh! Finally, thanks
to Richard (RickBoNuts@aol.com) for writing! Also, it was nice to
hear from my old virtual homey Ritchie (firstname.lastname@example.org) up
in Canada. Finally, my virtual homey <K> (Kane1Nihm@aol.com)
sent the picture of himself (at right). He wrote, "I'm not sure the world
is ready for the face of their future world leader." Nice shades!
Lori and I spent a relaxing evening at Kahala
Mall. We ate dinner at Patty's Chinese Kitchen. Lori had some Won Ton Soup.
She had to eat something light yet nourishing because this was to be her
last meal until after the surgery. We spent the rest of the evening at
Barnes & Noble. Fortunately, the whole evening was set to a relaxed
pace since the mall was surprisingly not too crowded. Tomorrow is the day
of Lori's surgery. I can sense her apprehension. Her greatest fear now
is about the resulting scar from the incision. For babes, this is of great
concern and it's easy to see why. Our society places too much emphasis
on physical beauty when it comes to babes which causes a lot of undue anxiety.
I'm more concerned about Lori the person rather than the scar.
Friday October 9
I rushed home on the bus and left immediately
with my six-four. I drove to Kapi'olani Medical Center. I had to ask at
three different desks about where Lori was being discharged. No one seemed
to know much. Finally, I received the proper information. The surgical
discharge unit was in the basement. Lori had just gotten up a few minutes
before I arrived. She was still very groggy. The attending nurse wanted
to make sure that Lori was okay before discharging her, so we had to wait
another 20 minutes.
The drive home was fairly quick. As I helped Lori
out of my six-four, I could tell that she was in great pain. The anesthetic
was wearing off. She took a pain pill just before we left the hospital
but it will probably not do much to relieve the pain. Lori had not eaten
or drank anything all day. She had a small slice of Sweet Bread and some
water. Within minutes, she was sick. She could not hold anything in her
stomach for the most of the evening. I brought some 7-Up and crackers on
moms' advice. That seemed to work better. I also brought some Curry Stew
just in case Lori was up to eating something more solid. Lori was not feeling
much better, so I put her to bed. The surgery is over and the tumor has
been removed. We have comfort in knowing that, at least.
Lori is in pain for most of the day. The combination
of the anesthesia and the prescribed pain killers made her nauseous. I
spent most of the day attending to Lori as best as I could. I knew that
she was going a little stir crazy but there was nothing that I could do
about that. I helped her out with a few chores, and I also did the yardboy
duties. We went out for a short walk to the park in the evening. That was
about the only activity that Lori could handle. Although she still felt
nauseous, she was feeling better after the walk.
might as well summarize the Great Wort Experiment up until this point in
time. I have become somewhat dependent on the Wort. In fact, I believe
that I may have to increase the dosage. I have been a little edgy myself,
especially when I am due for another dose of Wort. Perhaps this is a psychosomatic
response. I cannot be certain. Is it worth continuing the Great Wort Experiment?
Sure. I cannot risk the experience of another time of reckoning. I cannot
slide into the abyss. Even if the Wort is merely a placebo, I have no reason
to taunt the sinister kahuna into proving me wrong. So far, I have
not noticed any side effects as a result of prolonged Wort consumption.
There seems to be no psychological impairment and absolutely no aberrations
in personality. Will I continue the Wort after the eight-week period? I
think so. I don't believe that I have come to grips with all the issues
I am grappling with. I just cannot forget that I am possibly buying time
with the Wort.
Sunday October 11
Although Lori was still in considerable pain,
she was able to get to the airport to meet her daughter. Since Lori was
not feeling well, we both decided that it was best if we drove to the airport
in my six-four. Mother and daughter were reunited. We drove out to Waikele
for no other reason than it was close by. Lori had enough energy to shop
for a few hours. I spent a little time at the Bose Factory Showroom, the
same place I bought my beloved Acoustic Wave. I happened to notice that
Bose will be introducing a version of the Acoustic Wave that comes in a
black cabinet. Very nice.
I had to help Lori tape some plastic sheets over
her bandages so that she could take a shower. I will have to do that every
day for this coming week until she is allowed to remove the existing bandage
and replace it with a clean dressing. Lori was feeling better today. She
was able to eat solid food without getting sick, although the feelings
of nausea still were present. This will be a long week for her.
Monday October 12
Paul wrote from Gatesville to say that he and
Barbara are finally settling in. He has just begun his job search. The
job situation is definitely a lot brighter there than here. Some jobs are
paying in the $50 per hour range. In fact, Chad (one of the guys Paul and
I worked with when we were minimum wage "consultants") informed me that
another guy there just got hired by a firm in Boston with a 60 percent
pay increase. Now, everyone else is thinking about moving to the mainland.
Can you blame them? I may still have to consider that option because I
am going nowhere here.
I still go to town everyday, even though I only
have nine hours of time that is actually committed to work. I have successfully
fooled myself and everyone else that I am a productive member of society.
It's only a charade. As long as I'm taking the Wort, I probably
won't lose it knowing how pathetic this little game is. With the
surgery in the past, Lori has been relieved of a major stressor. I have
not thought much about the status of our relationship. We are living day-to-day,
something I was once uncomfortable with. Right now, that is all we can
Lori took the day off from work yesterday. She
went back to work today but she was feeling terrible by noon. She ran out
of pain killers yesterday. She managed to find an expired bottle of pain
killers and took those in the morning. I was on my way home in the afternoon
but I decided to stop at Kahala Mall. I called Lori to check on her. She
felt really sick and she wanted me to escort her home. So, I took the bus
back to town. Then, Lori and I rode back home together.
Even though the surgery is behind her, Lori is
becoming more stressed out by the day. She has become a little paranoid
that she will be disfigured as a result of the surgery. My attempts to
quell her concerns were fruitless. I tried to reason with her that her
body has gone through a traumatic experience and that it needs time to
heal. I can empathize with Lori and I will help her through this troubled
Lori was in much better spirits today. She is
still in great pain but she seemed less preoccupied with her preconception
of disfigurement. I was happy to see her feeling better. Life has returned
to its normal, albeit boring, existence. I tend to like it that way. It
certainly beats all the stress and despair that we have gone through in
the last few months. However, I don't think that the ordeal is over. Lori
still believes that I am unable to meet her needs for affection. She has
stated to me repeatedly that she does not want to live in an affectionless
environment for the rest of her life. She has given me some credit for
the changes I have made, but those changes have not been enough. She constantly
tells me that she wants to be pampered. I believe that she wants more than
that. I can only do what I can do. I can only apologize for my past mistakes
and attempt to never repeat them again.
Sometimes I feel as though I need to down the
whole bottle of Wort because I can feel myself slipping down into the abyss.
I always manage to grab onto a small crag and pull my way back up. Yet,
I know that one day the crag will not be there for me. The real problem
is that I can sense how powerless I am to change anything. I can only change
myself. That is what I am attempting to do.
Lori and I went for a walk to Hanauma Bay this
afternoon. We also walked there on Tuesday. Since Lori cannot get her bandage
wet, she must also avoid working out. The walks have sufficed as exercise
in the interim. I have to admit that the walks have been a refreshing alternative
to our usual routine. We have been able to enjoy the natural beauty (what's
left of it) here in Hawai'i.
Friday October 16
Lori and I drove out to Makapu'u Point this afternoon.
We then hiked out to the Makapu'u Lighthouse. Surprisingly, there were
only a handful of people out on the trail. When we reached the lighthouse,
we were the only ones there. That was a unique experience. We were able
to walk back and enjoy the sunset over Diamond Head in the distance. Moms
invited Lori and her daughter over for dinner. So, we enjoyed a nice dinner
of Hawai'ian Stew. Overall, the evening was a pleasant one. If we could
live our lives like this forever, then Lori and I would be doing fine.
I enjoy the simplicity of being.
Sunday October 18
Moms has had a chronic backache for over two weeks
now. She has not been able to do much except to rest. She refuses to see
a doctor. I am getting a little worried. I don't want moms to wait until
it is too late to do anything before she decides to seek some help. What
can I do? Moms has her mind made up so I will just have to watch and wait.
Finally, many thanks to Dog (email@example.com) for writing in!
Actually, it was Dog who finally made me realize the pathetic course of
this journal of late. Sometimes I wish I could just drop everything and
move back to Convalescent City and continue where I left off. Alas, those
were the days.
Monday October 19
I have completely lost interest in this
journal, and I fear that its days are numbered. After all, what really
is there left to discuss? Not much, I presume. I have been too wrapped
up with the perils of my on again, off again relationship with Lori. No
matter what the outcome, I will still need to put my life in order. When
I was living in Convalescent City, I had no trouble keeping myself occupied.
Why am I having such a problem now? Perhaps it's because of some kind of
voodoo hex. Maybe Loser finally read about himself
and then he hired a witch doctor to put a curse on the ol' lavahead. Sheesh!
I wonder if the Wort is an antidote for voodoo curses. It seems to cure
everything else, right? Speaking of the Wort, we are now in the seventh
week of the Great Wort Experiment. Only one more week and I'll be posting
the final summation concerning the effectiveness of the Wort. In the meantime,
let's cast off this voodoo nonsense and this relationship nonsense and
get on with the business of living, shall we?
I have had writer's block now for what
seems like forever. Just before my time of reckoning, I had decided that
the journal was going to take a new direction. We were going to explore
the answers to all of the universal questions. Then, I almost lost my mind
when I went through my time of reckoning. Lori and I moved further apart,
and all I could write about was the demise of every aspect of my life.
I fell into the deep abyss. I was even betrayed by my beloved computer.
In fact, I still have a problem with missing characters when I type. All
that to say that I have run out of discussion material. My mind is a complete
So, I'll write about Guava Sherbet. That's right.
Guava Sherbet is my all time favorite dessert. Actually, guava anything
suits me just fine. On a hot day, there's nothing more refreshing than
an ice-cold can of Guava Nectar. In Hawai'i, we call it "Guava Juice."
That's another way to tell whether a person is a local or not. Finally,
many thanks to Niall (firstname.lastname@example.org) for writing in! He reminisced
of his own discovery of what we here call "Hawai'ian time" and holo
Moms finally decided to go to the doctor
today. She must have been in some serious pain. Moms does not like to visit
the doctor because he is always trying to give her a flu shot. Moms does
not want the flu shot. This time, she had no choice. She has been unable
to do much all week. The doctor took some x-rays. Apparently, moms has
osteoporosis. She is suffering from bone deterioration. The news did not
make me too happy. Now I am somewhat worried about moms. I have to take
on more responsibility around moms' house to relieve the burden off of
is for Wort
My whole purpose for returning home was to spend
some time with moms. Sometimes I forget that. I get caught up in the idea
that I must find a minimum wage slave job. Is $5 per hour worth more than
my time with moms? I don't think so. As long as I am hard-core unemployable,
I might as well get in some quality time with moms. Speaking of which,
I am about to enter my eleventh month of chronic unemployment. Am I concerned?
Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Why should I be? The sinister kahuna will
get its way no matter what. I might as well sashay down to GNC and buy
a few more bottles of Wort. Well, hey! They're on sale for $6.99! I'm going
to need them for the long, cold Winter ahead.
I have come to realize that the journal
serves a greater purpose for me than I originally thought. It is my only
sounding board to discuss what I consider to be relevant. Of course, relevance
is relative to each individual. I discuss some things with moms, but we have
a generation gap that precludes much of the dialog. I don't expect the
readership to feel obligated to respond to this material. All of it is
just a running commentary in my mind. Yet, I have certainly come to enjoy
the feedback as well as the sharing of similar experiences by others.
This is the start of the final week of the Great
Wort Experiment. Hard as it may be to believe, we have already been through
seven weeks with the Wort. I still have no idea whether the Wort is effective
or not. I have read a few more references and the summaries were equivocal.
Sometimes it is hard to place much faith in a product that is merely a
health food supplement. Yet, in a way, I have become reliant on this foolish
plant extract. I take my prescribed dosages religiously, and I become apprehensive
about my ability to function when I inadvertently miss a dose. Scary, isn't
I spent all day doing assorted chores.
I have been using the weedwhacker to mow moms' lawn. It is a very tedious
process and it takes me several hours to do half of the yard. Why don't
I just break out the lawn mower? Well, moms' yard has been severely neglected.
The grass grows in lumpy patches. So, I have been using the weedwhacker
to even out the grass. I also trimmed the hedges in Lori's yard. Then,
I helped her paint her spare room. In the late afternoon, Lori and I took
a hike up the Koko Head trail. The view was fantastic. Needless to say,
I was extremely fatigued by the end of the day.
I Can Do
I happened to check out the competitor's journal.
It has been a year since the competitor called it quits. There was a short
update added sometime this month. So many things have changed in the competitor's
life. Alas, we are experiencing the same phenomenon here. I actually have
to hand it to the competitor because I have not succeeded in weaning myself
of this sophmoric journalizing. Perhaps my maturity level is just not up
to where I can stand on my own two feet. I still need a crutch. That crutch
is probably the Wort.
Sunday October 25
I continued to help Lori with the painting
of the spare room. The project will take at least one more day. Part of
the reason that I'm helping her out is because I want to. I have always
tried to help her with the upkeep of her place. Lori has become increasingly
stressed out about her job situation. She is afraid that she will lose her
job again, this time because the production in her office is down as a result
of the depressed economy here in Hawai'i. I've tried to reciprocate in the
manner that Lori did for me when I was going through my time of reckoning.
I've told her not to fret over the situation until it is a reality. My fall
into the abyss was due to my inability to recognize what was totally out
of my control. I will, however, be there if Lori needs me. That's all I can
Monday October 26
Lori was in a bad way today. The job situation
is getting to her. I tried to remind her of her own philosophy to live
day by day. That did little to quell her anxiety. As a matter of fact,
it almost resulted in another incident. Mind you, when I was trapped in
the abyss, Lori used to tell me the same thing. Everything is different
when the shoe is on the other foot, I suppose. My own situation is little
comfort to me but I am keeping all of it to myself. I am just thankful
that I have more to do than to sit in the detestable resin chair all day.
By the way, I have fallen behind in correspondence for some reason. I think
that it's the same writer's block that has affected the journal. Please
forgive the ol' lavahead for his tardiness.
The credit card bill with the Maui trip arrived
today. I still look upon the trip as being worthwhile. The effects of the
getaway are slowly fading away but I will always remember how beneficial
it was. I hope that Lori and I find the time and the reason to go there
again or maybe to another island. In that respect, we are truly fortunate.
Paradise is always within a stone's throw.
I have been canvasing the other local
educational institutions to see whether I can obtain at least one other
teaching position. So far, I haven't heard much. Most of the schools are
small, usually of the business college genre. They are probably the most
profitable though. As I've mentioned, education is not a big priority here
in Hawai'i. Most of the kids consider community college the last stop before
hitting the big time. However, jobs are drying drying up around here. There
are either executive-level positions or minimum wage slave jobs available.
Computer jobs are extremely scarce, although most of the places have been
advertising the same positions for over a year. I expect to remain chronically
unemployed for a long time.
Moms went to see a physical therapist today. After
the session was completed, she felt so good that she wanted to go for a
run. I was very glad to hear that moms was feeling much better. The only
thing I'm worried about is that moms will go back to her normal routine
if she thinks that the worst is over.
This is the last day of the Great Wort Experiment,
although I still have an ample supply of Wort. I will continue to use the
Wort indefinitely. As the anniversary of my sobriety comes up, I fully
expect the sinister kahuna to snap into action. My chronic unemployment
does little to help. Thus, I need all the help I can get. If the Wort is
the only help available, then so be it. I have had ample opportunity to
fall back into the abyss. So far, that has not happened. Perhaps it's due
to my vigilance. Only time will tell.
As I slowly approach my eleventh month
of chronic unemployment, I have to wonder if this is a permanent affliction.
From all indications, it certainly looks that way. There is not much I
can do since I have no networking potential. I put in as much time as I
can doing things associated with the classes I teach. I put the courses
up on the Web and I continually strive to improve upon the site. I am becoming
fatigued though. I don't know how long I'll be able to put up with this
nonsense. A year is a long time to be unemployed. I can only continue to
sit and wait. In December, I'll be back sitting in the detestable resin
chair. I should be more appreciative, I presume. I invested a lot of time
and dough in my education and in what I thought was a booming field. Now,
I only qualify for minimum wage jobs. I have to extremely careful at this
point in time. The sinister kahuna is ready to strike. I can feel
it. In a way, my ordeal has already begun. My lousy Fujitsu computer is
about ready to be thrown in the trash can. Now it's crashing all the time.
It also refuses to shut down. The only thing that's going to shut down is
the oversized cranium.
Lori's anxiety about her work situation
has increased dramatically. She is now certain that she is going to be
terminated again. I have no idea whether her fears are unfounded or not.
She has decided to take on part time work which may eventually lead to
a source of primary income. The only way to succeed in Hawai'i is to not work
here. One must have income from outside of Hawai'i. Lori has wanted me
to start up a consulting business for a while. Yet, I realized that there
are no clients here. They are all on the mainland. No one on the mainland
hires a consultant in Hawai'i. There's just no expertise or innovation
here. This is a completely blue collar state. People are proud to be bus
drivers and garbage collectors. Families have generations that have done
the same trade. There's nothing wrong with that. However, it's the ohana
system that perpetuates that. If Hawai'i had a third-world standard of
living, things wouldn't be so bad. Right now, it just has third-world pay
Lori and her daughter were in the true spirit of
Halloween. Lori spent most of the afternoon working on costumes. Her
co-worker was apparently putting on a big Halloween shindig later in the
evening. I am a homebody these days. I'd rather stay home. After my bout
with the sinister kahuna, I especially do not want to taunt it
today ... Sinister Kahuna Day. I spent most of the day by myself.
I might as well get used to it. My goal at this point in time is to keep
moms company and help her out.
Life As We Know It Ad Nauseam
Happy trails to you ... happy trails to you ... until we meet again next month!
Sorry, Roy, but the song is so apropos.
The Keeper of Lost Lives: City of Dreams
© Copyright 1998 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.