Note: This version of the journal is not censored or edited according to normal LoserNet guidelines. It is also not formatted for aesthetics. Please do not read this version of the journal if you feel you will become disillusioned. This journal is not a public journal. This information is considered confidential whether there are embellishments or not. Nothing in this journal should be considered fact, nor should the names or places be considered real.

For those of you who have been invited to read the private journal (the so-called "journal of the mind"), I welcome you. However, there are a few things that need to be clarified. Most of you have followed the journal for a long time and you have become like family to me. The public journal (as I will refer to it from this point forward) has grown significantly and many things have happened in the last few years. However, things went awry once I moved back to Hawai'i. Some of it was chronicled in the public journal. I took an extraordinary risk with exposing my inner psyche during my "time of reckoning." The results were disasterous. Astute observers will note that the public journal has been edited many times since, and many of the more excrutiatingly painful events and thoughts have been removed.

I have gone through a period of mourning for the public journal because I compromised my journalistic integrity by removing material. The journal became fragmented and eventually became cryptic. The original humor and levity has disappeared. All that was left was a shell of mundane events, and even that had to be carefully worded.

The private journal came about because the events that were transpiring were painful for me. I wanted a way to chronicle those events. I also did not have a support network of friends here in Hawai'i, so I enabled a virtual support network of people like you. As you can guess, most of this material has to do with my troubled relationship and its eventual demise. What is written in the private journal could never be written in the public journal. It can be disillusioning to some. It certainly was disillusioning for me to write it. However, it tends to explain what has really been going on here. It will also serve as the interim journal until it is safe to resume the public journal once again.

As part of your participation in reading this journal, I ask that you do not share this information with anyone. Mind you, I have nothing against the evil handamiden. I have no malice towards her. In reading the private journal, you may disagree with that point or many other points. You must remember that I tried to write everything with the passion of the moment in mind. I tried to capture as much of my feelings and emotions that I could. Remember that I tried to do the same thing during my "time of reckoning." That only resulted in a public relations fiasco, which is the reason why this is a private journal. There is a level of debauchery in it that even I have trouble fathoming. I ask that you consider all of this before proceeding beyond this point. Finally, by moving beyond this point, you waive any and all litigation rights against the author and LoserNet. The private journal is protected by Mickey Mouse security.

All material in this and subsequent volumes are © Copyright 1999 by LoserNet. All rights reserved.