LoserNet Home | Index | Previous | Next Old Man Stories and Other Strange Tales

The Exodus Files
Two Worlds Collide

Thursday June 10, 2004

It becomes fairly obvious to me that all of us are at the Asylum for a reason. We're all losers. We don't have any other choices, otherwise we would have been long gone. That's why the place is like a fishbowl full of piranha. That's the sad truth. However, the only thing that can be done is to make the most of a bad situation. That's what I am trying to do. Survival is the key, but not at anyone else's expense. That's where I differ from most of the other fools. I would rather adjust my life-style than betray them for more dough. I'm going to have to let this rest for the time being. I don't have all of the facts yet.

There was another article in yesterday's paper about the record number of home sales last month. Apparently, it doubled from last year, mostly because of the new condo construction. There is no question that the housing situation has gone amuck here. I still believe that I got in at a good time. I am going to hold off on my decision about the townhouse for now.

An uneventful day. The Asylum is still a big mess, what with all the backstabbing going on. I could hardly wait to get out of that joint. I ran into Pseudo-professor Kai in the faculty room at the Diploma Mill early this afternoon. He wanted to go out for drinks. I told him that I would probably go to the Indigo Happy Hour later. He had a few errands to run. So, I restored my monk haircut. After the gym, I returned to the faculty computer room. Pseudo-professor Franklin was there. We discussed the situation concerning the position in the math department. He is also one of the candidates. He's also been helping me get into Chaminade. Pseudo-professor Glenn called to say that he wasn't going to make Happy Hour. I walked over to the Indigo. I ran into Pseudo-professor Kai there. We had a great time. Later, Professor Marv called. He was planning to go to the Zanzabar this evening for "31 and Up Night." I was too fatigued. Instead, I ended up at Kahala Mall.

This has been a strange year. So far, I've been meeting a lot of middle-aged, single guys. And, they all want to hang out with the ol' lavahead. It's so strange because I haven't been around people my age in who-knows-how-long. The sad part is that we all relate well. We understand exactly what the other is talking about. They all seem to be looking to hook up with babes, something that I am no longer concerned about. Well, at least they are not trying to hook up with young hotties. And, none of them have mortgages. I am not sure why any of this happening. It is as if I am being led on some kind of surrealistic journey of which I have no control over the itinerary. Sheesh!

Friday June 11

It took me over two hours of running around to find a box to fit the printer. It's so difficult to find anything in Hawai'i. After I packed the printer, I found out that the Post Office was closed today. It's only a State holiday. There was no mail delivery either. Only the busy branches like in Waikiki or Ala Moana were open. So, I will have to wait until tomorrow to ship the printer. That only leaves the folding metal bookshelf. Before I hear any crap, this has nothing to do with the former friend except that she had entrusted me to keep those items. Anybody else would have probably just thrown them out after the fiasco. I am doing what I think is right.

I rode the bus to Ala Moana. I bought a big-ass bottle of Corbett Canyon wine at Foodland before continuing my journey to Kane'ohe. The buses were running very late today because of the holiday. I was hammered in no time after I arrived. I passed out on the floor. When I came to, I caught the next bus back to town. I was able to get a quick workout done at the gym. I have not felt like socializing with anyone. Actually, I am really tired of people. The crap at the Asylum was the frosting on the cake. This has nothing to do with the former friend either. As a matter of fact, I have not seen or done anything with Shirley since her B-day in April. I am getting to like being a loner, and I probably function best in that mode. I don't have to worry about playing games with anyone or wasting time trying to figure people out. There really is too much game-playing going on. That reminds me. I saw Lori's former friend, Anne, on the express bus yesterday. As always, she was ranting about work. However, most of what she said was valid. In actuality, she mirrored my own feelings about people in general.

Moms is planning to refurbish the bathroom. I am concerned that it will end up costing a fortune just like the ridiculous roof job. Moms' house is about 40 years old. It needs some basic maintenance, but that's it. Any more investment in the place is really a lost cause. I am not planning to invest much more in my own place. Since, I do not plan on doing any entertaining, I have decided to possibly divest a few of the items. The bed that I purchased from Lori's friend is nice, but it is only there for display purposes. I will replace it with a $20 air mattress. That should be good enough. I am too tired to do anything else, so I will probably just vegetate for the evening. It's too bad that I didn't go with Professor Marv to "31 and Up Night" at the Zanzabar, eh?

Saturday June 12

So many things need to be done, but I am putting them off in favor of doing nothing. Months have gone by, and I have done nothing but defer all major decisions. The truth of the matter is that I am rapidly running out of time. Oh well. I've been giving some thought on this concept of being a loner. There's a book titled, "Party of One," which describes this phenomenon. I may have to buy it and put it in the essential monk library.

I mailed the printer this morning. It will take about five weeks to get to its destination. I decided to send it Parcel Post to save some dough. The folding metal bookshelf will be quite expensive to ship. I ended up in Kane'ohe again. More wine. Passed out on floor. Came to. Pier 1. Same old thing. Former professor Lisa called and left a message. I still have not been able to chat with her, not that I'm trying very hard. I chatted with Caroll. She's looking for an apartment. I hope that she doesn't make the same mistake by getting a large place which would require that she find a roommate. She may also have a new job as early as next week.

I have decided to return the dinnerware and silverware to moms. I am going to buy one cheap spoon and one pair of cheap chopsticks. I am also going to buy a very small set of microwave cookware, which will serve as dinnerware. I will be selling the Bose Acoustic Wave and replacing it with the cheap Henry Kloss table radio. It's so cheap, it's not even stereo! Oddly, I spent some time looking at dining sets at Pier 1. If I am still in the place next year, I will buy the cheapest glass top dining set. It almost looks like cheap patio furniture. Who cares? My goal is to make the place look furnished at the cheapest possible price. I also need furniture that I can move by myself. The cupboards and shelves are completely bare, but no one would be able to tell. I have no pots and pans, so I will never use the electric range. The only chair that I sit in is the "papasan" chair. The rattan settee is only for display purposes.

Looking around Pier 1 is turning into a sickness. I really like that place, but I am not buying anything. Naturally, the place was full of couples. There even was a gay couple shopping. As usual, I was the only single guy in Pier 1. Since my cash flow has gone negative, I can only dream of buying the stuff I see. I may break down and buy the floor lamp next month. Incidentally, there are no lights in any of the bedrooms or the living room. I am going to buy a couple of cheap nightlights as a compromise. You know the ones I'm talking about that plug right into the electric outlet. Lamp, $75. Nightlight, $3. Which would you choose? So, that's how crazy the story is getting. I buy my own place and divest practically everything. Otherwise, it's just for show. Since I am not inviting anyone over, it's a show just for me. Sheesh!

Sunday June 13

There isn't a whole lot new to discuss at this point in time. I've queued up everything to be sold, donated, or given away. None will be missed. Excess clutter causes severe mental degradation and psychopathology. We live in essentially a boring world. Our adventures are canned, just like everything else. Hence, we must purchase numerous expensive toys to placate the meaningless soul. Yet, the soul is still left wanting. Everywhere I go, I see people carrying packages of crap they just purchased. The shopping malls, especially Ala Moana, are completely packed with people. None of them can walk in a straight line either. It's a major cattle call. The more I think about it, the less I need the Kloss radio. I am reducing my toys down to my computer. That's it. World oil is peaking anyway. Calamitous times are ahead. The global economy is based upon oil, weapons, and illegal drugs. It doesn't take a genius to see what's ahead. I used to discuss these matters in the journal, but I was being labeled some kind of crazy conspiracy nut. The real nut cases are the people who ignore the big picture. We've been raised to believe that, as long as there's money, everything can be bought. No one ever thinks about limited supplies because rarely is thought given about the source. I believe that Mike Ruppert is on the money about this matter.

Shirley called last night and left a message. She's still in Las Vegas. Ramona's friend's wedding was apparently very nice. Shirley is doing just a little gambling but she was down $35 at this point. Even through pathetic times, she remains a friend to the ol' lavahead. She may end up being the only person whom I invite to Chez Loser in Kane'ohe. I may even let her sit on the rattan settee!

Same old routine again today. Bus trip to Kane'ohe. More wine. Pass out on floor. Come to. Go to Kahala Mall. I bought one pair of chopsticks at Long's. The place packed with people. Everyone was scurrying around like roaches and buying up everything in sight. I couldn't believe it. Where are these idiots getting the dough? I rewarded myself with a Jamba Juice smoothie. Then, I meandered around Barnes & Noble. I spent most of my day attempting to make sense out of a nonsensical world. I review my limited financial contingencies almost every waking hour because the time of reckoning is drawing near. I have to make several crucial decisions. The real problem is that I have painted myself into a corner.

While I was out in Kane'ohe this weekend, I noticed that most of the residents in the townhouse complex are either couples or families. There are few singles, and I suspect that they are renters. This should have given me a clue. I made a big mistake. If anything, I should have bought a small one-bedroom condo or studio. The residents in the complex are not in the upper echelon. One would think that the place is low-income housing if it didn't look so nice. So, these are couples and families just starting out. I don't belong, either socially or financially. I am of an even lower strata. However, Lori is correct in her assumption that I can sell the place pretty much at any time. There will always families looking for starter homes no matter what the interest rate.

Barb made a comment on Speak! IV about why she thinks that I believe I have a lot in common with Anonder. She says it's the lack of a significant other. While that's true, there's more. Anonder is correct in his assertion that he and I have similar feelings about the babe situation. We both are unable to function in relationships, and babes will not tolerate our behavior, personality, and life-style. For me, my time has already come and gone. After perusing the Hot or Not site a few weeks ago (specifically the 40+ age group), I have decided to remain single forever. I need to establish a few priorities. I need to align myself with the goals of guys like Pseudo-professors Bill and Kai, as well as Professor Marv. They know what time it is!

Monday June 14

I didn't sleep at all last night because I knew that I would be returning to the salt mines. Just as I predicted, the new ownership at the Asylum is forging ahead with plans to revamp the entire scheduling process at the Asylum. At this point in time, it's a half-baked plan that's going to need a lot more work. The debut is set for September. I've already analyzed the situation. In actuality, I am one of the architects of this new plan. It's going to turn the whole place into a "burn 'n churn" sweatshop. I do not expect many of the current faculty or staff to stay on. I am one of the few who are frantically looking for another job. My replacement interview was supposed to be today at the Diploma Mill. However, it was changed to Wednesday under what appears to be suspicious circumstances. There are three finalists, of which I assume that I am one. I am the least qualified, not having a doctorate. However, it is Professor Marimi who seems to keep the torch burning for me. I believe that there is a major political coup. The factions each have their favorite candidate. I am not sure if it's worth the time. If what Professor Manny says is true, then it's yet another hostile work environment.

Pseudo-professors Ralph, Bill, Glenn, and Kai were in the faculty computer room this afternoon. We had a great time. I told them my woeful tales as usual. Pseudo-professor Kellie arrived a little later. One of the guys had his eye on her. Does it ever end? I am only concerned about the status of my townhouse these days. I keep reviewing my contingency plans, even though I am essentially secure for now at the Asylum. Lord, I can't even imagine staying there for another year or longer. However, I may be forced to do so. Kevin is thinking about going back to school for his doctorate. His parents will pay his way. It seems like a foolish idea to me since he is in his forties now. A doctorate can take up to seven years to complete.

I am worried about the situation with moms. It's not really a matter of the Ninja Turds, although the latter are a cause for concern. Anything could happen to moms at any time. The worst case scenario is if moms ends up debilitated for the long term. There is no long-term care insurance, so everything will be out-of-pocket. The house is Hawai'i Kai is the only asset. So, if anything happens, how are we going to pay for the medical expenses? In my own case, I am operating in a careless manner. I have no will for my so-called estate. Only my 401(k) continues on with Shirley as the sole beneficiary. It does not matter to me, because I have no heir to inherit my debt and liabilities. That's what all of the other middle-aged, single guys know. That's why they live recklessly and are not concerned about buying property or saving too much dough. Obviously, I must subconsciously have planned my life with the assumption that I would find a babe. Big mistake! That's why I am engaged in "damage control" right now.

Tuesday June 15

For some strange reason, I though the 15th was this Friday. I almost forgot about my mortgage payment. There are two mortgages on the townhouse. One cannot be set up as an automatic payment, so I must pay in person. There is an incredible amount of stress developing amongst the faculty at the Asylum. It's a powderkeg ready to blow. Yesterday, Kevin told me that a few of his students were talking about Erin. Apparently, Ernie has been telling people that he saw her making out with a student in the parking lot one evening. I had to tell Erin because she needs to watch her back. The incident apparently happened at a school function. Erin already knew about the rumors. She has to be very careful because she already has a reputation. If Ernie is involved, it will be all over campus.

Robert dropped by the faculty computer room this afternoon. We had a nice chat, mostly about the babe situation. He is still living in the "cocoon," but he claims that he has his mom under control now He's been cleaning his room for three months, but he still has to sleep in the living room. Apparently, he 's paying $180 per month to store 35 boxes of crap. He's been bringing a few boxes at a time back to the "cocoon." I told him to rent a truck, bring it all back, and leave it in the carport. As far as the babe situation is concerned, I mentioned that it was over. He seemed overjoyed that I finally came around to his way of thinking. Yet, he still has the crazy notion to go on the Russian babe vacation. I assume that he's still at Legal Aid. He says the mortgage broker business isn't doing too well. He doesn't have much time. Almost everyone working in real estate is making a fortune over desperate fools like myself who are too eager to buy a place. I enjoyed my chat with Robert, but I was left in a disillusioned state. We are still leading parallel lives, and we're going to end up in the same place.

I neglected to mention that former professor Lisa called and left a message. She was leaving for the Big Island. We are supposed to get together when she returns. I also sent a text message to Shirley. I told her to quickly win a million dollars. That way, she can give me some dough. Incidentally, I discovered that my 401(k) plan no longer exists. So, I will have to roll it over into one of my IRAs.

Wednesday June 16

Morale continues to decline at the Asylum. Even I am not certain about what is going on anymore. The corruption and graft continues unabated, even with the new ownership. My interview at the Diploma Mill did not go as well as the first time. It's all psychological, I suppose. The decision will be made later this month. Pseudo-professor Glenn and Kai were in the faculty computer room this afternoon. We may end up at the Indigo Happy Hour tomorrow, Friday, or both. I ran into Professor Marv on the way to the bus stop. He is not looking too good. He seems to believe that he has thyroid problems now. I am not sure what is happening, but I have a feeling that he is extremely ill. He's been through a lot this year. He's had several major operations, and he's still working on his doctoral dissertation. The sad part is that he's younger than I am. Yet, he's going through all of these medical complications. There is much that I can be thankful for. So far, I have my health, even though I have continued to booze it up recklessly.

I believe that today is the former friend's B-day. I cannot be certain. Don't worry, I did not try to call or anything. However, I put a small gift certificate in with the printer when I shipped it. I will try to ship the folding metal bookshelf in early July. Then, my obligation is complete. My Panda Express fortune cookie read, "You are only starting on your path to success." That's all nice, but I don't have much time left. Can't success come sooner?

Thursday June 17

An uneventful day, thank goodness. I have been extremely busy with a backlog of things to do. I am really not happy with the wage slavery situation. Sure, it gives me something to do. And, I am earning a few pennies. However, my life is passing before my eyes. I have been fortunate enough to evade the ravages of old age, but how much longer can I keep it up? My negative cash flow is not helping my situation. I am simply spinning my wheels. This is my only life to live, and look what's happening.

Pseudo-professor Glenn and I ended up at Indigo Happy Hour. The food was a little skimpy. Most of it was gone by the time we made it through the line. There were a lot of babes there today, not that it matters. That's the highlight of the week for me. I am becoming more despondent by the day because I realize that I am stuck at the Asylum. I will have to toil away in the salt mines just to make my mortgage payments. Recent articles in the paper have indicated that there's no end to the real estate market here in Hawai'i. The luxury condo market is booming. Prices are in the $600,000 range. Many of these condo offerings sell out within two days.

Friday June 18

I chatted with Lori this morning on the express bus. Her daughter, Stephanie, is here along with a classmate. The girls are staying for a few days before going to Australia. We may get together some time this weekend. The rest of the day was uneventful, although I it was fatiguing nonetheless. I am being pulled in all directions at this point in time. Most of this crap are tests of loyalty. Kim, the Director of Education, invited a small handful of people to a family get together in Lai'e this Saturday evening. I was one of those people invited. It's a long trip for me, and I would have to be driving at night with my decrepit six-four. I am also being pressured to attend the Asylum graduation on Sunday. It's in Waikiki about the middle of the day. I just don't want to dress up in work clothes to go there. I am very demoralized by the Asylum and the people who work there. Some people may call me "negative," but compared to the others I am not so sure. I listen to people all day long tell me about how they are not paid enough, and how they are not going to do anything because of that. Essentially, I am the Complaint Department. It's sad because no one is even willing to do their jobs anymore. They only collect their paychecks. I do my job and never complain about being underpaid (except in the journal). I am fortunate because I am able to produce quite a bit in a short period of time. That's the engineering advantage.

I met with Pseudo-professor Ralph and former Professor Lisa at the Uptown Café for a few minutes this morning. I did not have much time because of the nonsense at the Asylum. Former professor Lisa and I are supposed to do something this Sunday. Pseudo-professor Glenn and I went to the Indigo Happy Hour again. Pseudo-professor Kai joined us a little later. We had a great time. There were a lot of babes there today. An older babe ... well, she was in her thirties ... was getting a little flirtatious with the ol' lavahead. A few other babes were acting suspiciously. Unfortunately, we were on our way out. Pseudo-professor Kai is supposed to call again this weekend, so we may get together. Shirley called and left a message. She is back from Las Vegas. She didn't win any dough, so I will have to continue to wallow in wage slavery.

Saturday June 19

Well, I am not exactly sure what the babe at the Indigo Happy Hour was up to. Pseudo-professors Glenn and Kai were both flanking me. We were sitting on barstools at the bar. Pseudo-professor Glenn left before us, so he gave his chair to the babe. She was with another babe. As she maneuvered to sit in the barstool, she put both hands on my waist, right above the hip. I was taken by surprise. She then made a few witty comments, so we chatted for a bit. Alas, that is neither here nor there. The babe situation is a done deal for me, just as it is over for Robert. I have to worry about what I am going to do for the rest of my life since I don't have much time left. The whole week has gone by fast, only because I wanted it to go by fast. However, that's how weeks turn into years in the wink of an eye. I will myself to make the time go by fast while I am in the salt mines, but I am essentially forcing the sand down the hourglass.

I departed early this morning on my benign journey to Kane'ohe. The bus transfer went smoothly. I immediately began consuming my favorite Corbett Canyon beverage upon arrival. I was hammered in no time. As usual, I passed out on the floor. I came to and left for town. I ended up at Pier 1 again. Former professor Lisa called sometime while I was on the bus. She wants to do something tomorrow. When I arrived back at moms' place, the Ninja Turds were there. I overheard Mrs. Turd using the two-way radio function on the damned cell phone. So, I guess the Turds are now spending money for NexTel service. I decided to go to Kahala Mall this evening. I ended up going on a spending spree. I bought some microwave cookware on sale for $18 at Macy's. Then, I bought a music CD at Barnes & Noble. It's an interesting selection called "Fjord Fusioneer" by Dalminjo. In some respects, I was sickened by the fact that I could not control my spending. Of course, buying another music CD means that I am not selling the Bose Acoustic Wave anytime soon. Oh boy.

I ran into a lot of rude people all day. I had to open Lou's School of Etiquette for matriculation. I really cannot quote some of the "lessons" that I had to use today. However, let it be known that I used stern language and operant conditioning to obtain the desired results. Sheesh! I have not called anyone back lately because of my relapse of phone phobia. Next month, I am going to drop my cell phone plan down a notch again. Since I am neither making or receiving calls, I have used very few minutes. After my contract is up, I may just drop the service completely. I am gradually going back into seclusion.

Sunday June 20

I have not had the chance to reflect on much lately. After all, that is the whole purpose of the journal. All I have been doing is providing a synopsis of the boring events of my life. Did you buy that Dalminjo CD? I hope so. My life is gradually coming apart at the seams. Everything I have worked for is now collapsing due to infrastructural weaknesses. I suppose that I can now see why Robert is doped up on medication all the time. The other day, he was barely lucid. We both know that our time is limited, and we are not coping well. My booze consumption has gone up. I am sedating myself much the same way that Robert does. That's part of the "parallel lives" syndrome. Yet, I have my own series of psychopathology. I bought an expensive townhouse (read: shoebox). I furnished it, but the latter is only for display purposes. In other words, I do not use the furniture. The microwave is still in its box. It makes sense, now that it's obvious I did not even have any cookware. I am returning moms' dinnerware and flatware. I will only have one pair of chopsticks and a spoon. I will just eat from the microwave cookware. I have no place to sleep because I did not buy the air mattress yet. Remember, the bed is only for display. I have shuttled back a whole mess of stuff to moms' place. I am planning to donate all of that crap. I am trying to adjust to a domesticated life-style which is totally alien to me.

I have no idea what I am trying to do or prove. By the way, I haven't finished editing the missing six chapters of the journal yet. Strange things. I have noticed that the readership has gone up slightly, which is curious since the missing chapters are the ones from Fall 2003. I also have not indexed the journal in a long time. I think I know what's going on. However, when it comes to my life, I know nothing. I have always prided myself in believing that I am not one of the sheep who are looking for the shepherd. Now, I am not sure whether that's true. I am currently ruminating about the commonality of the "mid-life crisis" group made up of all my pseudo-professor buddies. Can you guess what that commonality is? Yeah, I know. It's pathetic.

The situation with the Ninja Turds will not change. In talking with many local people, I've come to discover that greed and treachery are an essential part of local life. Scheming to inherit family estates is a popular pastime. There's no doubt in my mind that the Turds will get what they want. Mrs. Turd has honed her skills at schmoozing moms. It doesn't matter to me. I am just worried that I will see the same stupidity develop when the Turds move back into moms' house. For the life of me, I have no idea how they are managing to live in a small one-bedroom apartment. My bro is obsessed with buying power tools. He won't even use the company's tools anymore. He just buys his own. I surmise that the apartment is basically a toolshed. One would think that, with the low interest rates and two incomes, the Turds would have bought a home. It's easier to just wait and get a home for free. This kind of crap is frustrating, but it's totally out of my locus of control.

I am now on a collision course with a destiny that I am not prepared for. Everything else is falling just like a cheap domino set. I have pushed myself down Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, just like Robert. It gives us purpose, I suppose. Yet, there really is nothing to this madness. Life is still finite. And, I am near the end of time.

I changed the oil in my six-four early this morning. It was not a good experience, which was then the precursor of my day. I embarked on my benign journey to Kane'ohe. The transfer did not go smoothly. So, I had to stop by Foodland in Ala Moana to buy a bottle of Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon. The minute I arrived in Kane'ohe, I immediately popped the cork. I was hammered in no time. Once again, I passed out on the floor. I came to in time to catch the bus back to town. I wanted to transfer to another bus in town, but that was impossible. So, I had to continue on to Ala Moana. Mike, one of my former students at the Asylum, got on the bus in town. We chatted for a few minutes. He's the guy who set up the cell phone for me. Former Professor Lisa did not call, nor did I ever call back. So, we did not get together. I made the transfer to another bus. At Koko Marina, Lori's daughter Stephanie got on with her friend, Holly. I waved to them as I was getting off at the next stop. The next thing I knew, they both got off the bus, too. We chatted for a few minutes. Then, I offered to give them a ride. We walked back to moms' place. They got to chat with moms for a few minutes. Then, I took them on a harrowing drive to Kalama Valley. I had to open Lou's School of Etiquette as we were driving because some clown. We finally did reach our destination. I chatted with Lori for a bit. She gave me a bottle of wine. So, that made my day. I was also finally able to listen to the Dalminjo CD on my Bose Acoustic Wave. I felt much better. However, I have to return to the salt mines tomorrow. Yuck!

Monday June 21

I've got a feeling that my liver is ready to give out. It's been ready to give out for a while now. Don't worry, I'm not going to make any excuses about my pathetic life. I've got to listen to pathetic excuses all the time. In fact, I've become very cognizant of what people say, especially at the Asylum. I've learned that every possible excuse is recited to account for ineptness. Some are so cleverly phrased that it takes quite a bit of scrutiny to detect. Frankly, I don't want to deal with people anymore. Of course, there are a few people who think that I am a dickhead. That could be true. I don't profess to be perfect. So, anyway, what am I going to do about my liver? I could stop guzzling wine like there's no tomorrow. However, there is no tomorrow. Tomorrow is a sad joke. We are all living for today, exploiting everything we can from each day. It's like squeezing blood from a turnip. In the process, we could care less about anything or anyone except ourselves. Rabid squirrels trying to get a nut. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Yesterday, Lori's daughter, Stephanie, asked me, "How's your love life?" I said that it was non-existent. "That's what happens when you want women who are young enough to be your daughters." Say what? Lori must be telling her all kinds of things. Stephanie is a good kid, though. She's a junior in high school now. Lori was worried that moms would be shocked upon seeing Stephanie. She dyed her hair black, and she dyed a blue streak on one side. Moms didn't even notice. "Stephanie is getting to be very pretty," moms told me.

An uneventful day at the Asylum. Some of us are always prefacing what we say with the phrase, "while I'm still here." It's a standing joke now. We all laugh, but there's an element of truth to that. Former Professor Lisa called this morning. She was over at the Diploma Mill. So, we agreed to meet for lunch. We ended up at Murphy's. She is a vegan, so that limits her choices. I ate a greasy hamburger, which probably made her cringe. We chatted for about an hour. She finished her doctorate. She's going to Boston for three years to serve time at Tufts University. She still plans to visit Hawai'i every Summer. We then went for a walk around town. We parted company since I had to return to the salt mines. She caught the bus to the University of Hawai'i to check on future opportunities. I was glad to be able to spend time with her. We may get together again before she leaves on Thursday.

I've been reading about the peak oil situation. I am beginning to believe that there is conclusive evidence that Saudi Arabian oil had peaked in May. Apparently, the Saudis have not been able to increase production. Some feeble excuses were offered, but the problems are beyond infrastructure. This presents a global crisis as we could see diminishing supplies of oil from this point forward. Mind you, we will never really run out of oil. It just gets more difficult to extract over time. The most major concern is seemingly not related to oil. Industrialized agriculture is responsible for feeding the six billion people on this planet. However, it is heavily energy dependent. It becomes even more apparent when one learns that purely conventional agriculture (which is what we will return to) can only feed 2.5 billion people maximum. A while back, I discussed this matter in some detail. Our presence in the Middle East and Central Asia is all oil related. Yet, this is only going to buy ten more years of time. I'd say that living on a heavily populated island like O'ahu ten years from now would be foolish. I plan to be living in a thatched hut in Costa Rica. I'll have an Uzi, and I will grow my own food.

I've been perusing Mr. Ray's blog. For those of you who do not know Mr. Ray, he is a frequent contributor to Speak! IV. He's been having a tough time. Hang in there, Ray! We're all going through it. Save your dough and move to Costa Rica. See you there in a few years!

Tuesday June 22

An uneventful day. Each passing day at the Asylum can be equated to the proverbial water torture. Fortunately, I was spared any major stupidity today. My thoughts from yesterday continue to haunt me. I am talking about the major crises developing in the Middle East, which will soon be the catalyst for the collapse of civilization as we know it. It's evident by the stupidity we are privy to every single day. The freeways and streets are clogged with gas guzzlers that are transporting only one person. The sidewalks are clogged with fat slobs who can barely maneuver in a straight line. Obesity has become the rule, not the exception. All of these slobs are eating more than their fair share of food. Granted, the food they eat is basically lard-based crap. Nonetheless, food will one day be scarce. We continue to mass produce totally useless crap in order to entertain the masses and fuel the consumerist economy, which ultimately ends up bloating our landfills. Even the homeless have become mass consumers. Several of them are now hauling around multiple shopping carts of possessions. I am not trying to be facetious. I have also noticed the incredible amount of bulk trash awaiting pick-up on the streets. People have been able to buy new furniture and appliances because they have borrowed on their home equity. The whole world has gone crazy. Since population increases exponentially, I can assume that consumption and stupidity will also increase in a like manner. We should have had a few more decades before the plunger gets pulled. Looks like that's already happened, and now the turds are spiraling down the vortex. I am not even certain that there's enough time to settle properly in Costa Rica. Some may laugh, but the Freemen in Montana are probably going to be the sole survivors of this mess.

I saw Pseudo-professor Kai in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. He wanted to go to the Indigo Happy Hour. I declined because it is too early in the week. I am already fatigued, and I need to survive three more days. His daughter is flying in from Cali this evening. Apparently, his ex-wife remained in Cali after the divorce. He said that his divorce ended up costing him over $50,000 while he pretty much ended up with nothing. His ex-wife is Korean. He actually met her in Korea. Even with all of that, he still wants to hook up with babes. Sheesh! I chatted with Pseudo-professor Franklin as well. We have not heard anything about the Visiting Professor position. So far, I am seemingly secure employment-wise. My situation could change at any time, but I am thankful that it is stable for the time being.

Wednesday June 23

I have been stacking up stuff in the former "warehouse" at moms' place. Everything will be donated to the Salvation Army. I will set up a pick-up date within the next couple of weeks. I've pared down my possessions to basically nothing. However, I have replaced the latter with furniture and other household crap for the townhouse. This time, I was a little smarter about my purchases, both in terms of cost and portability. And, I am still planning to sell my six-four before the year is out. What I really need to do is begin research on the Freemen in Montana.

I woke up with lower back pains. Something was not right. Along with some other symptoms, I deduced that I am having kidney problems, perhaps stemming from dehydration. I just hope that I am not looking at major renal problems. Lori and I chatted on the express bus this morning. We made tentative arrangements to meet for lunch. I thought that the day at the Asylum would be uneventful. Was I ever wrong! Everything went smoothly in the morning. Lori called to meet me in town. We went to Jamba Juice for lunch. Then, I walked her back to the bus stop. When I returned to the Asylum, I was told that Sam, the Persian guy, wanted me to call him. So, I did. He has been using my initial work to develop the overall plan to be unveiled in Fall. He said that he would send a copy to me by e-mail. He explained his methodology, which was the same one that I followed. However, I discovered a few facts which will cause an uproar amongst the faculty. We have a Saturday faculty meeting this week, where most of these plans will be discussed by Al, Sam's proxy. I also had an interesting discussion with him. Scot, the registrar, will be resigning, further indicating the deep rifts developing. Ernie has been bad-mouthing and complaining about the Asylum to anyone who will listen to him. He told one faculty member that he is applying to be the Dean of the Psychology Department at Chaminade. What a laugh! He doesn't even have a master's degree. As you know, I don't talk to Ernie. I had threatened him when I discovered that he told me lies about the former friend. Of course, you won't read about that in the journal because I had to delete it all.

I still had back pains when I went to the gym, so I did a lighter workout. Then, I walked to the Diploma Mill. I printed out the curriculum plan for the Asylum that was sent to me. I will spend some time analyzing it. I have to forward comments back to Sam. Pseudo-professor Bill wants to go the the Taste of Honolulu event this Sunday. I'd like to go, but I probably won't be able to. Since I have to be at the Asylum on Saturday, my only day off will be on Sunday.

Thursday June 24

I neglected to mention that I chatted with Lori's former friend, Anne, on the express bus yesterday afternoon. She's finally getting a raise at the law firm she works for. Naturally, she had a few words to say about that, but she was not ranting as much as she usually does. She's turning forty-nine next week. She seems to be taking it well. She's still renting a place out in Kuli'ou'ou. I don't think that she's putting anything away for retirement. Anne is just living day-to-day. I can't help but wonder how she and the rest of us will fare in the future. Sure seems like we are going nowhere fast. Say, maybe we can all move to Costa Rica, eh?

An uneventful day. I shared my new information with some of the Asylum faculty, but most of them are living in a dream world. They just can't bring themselves to realize that everything will change in less than two months. I did not drink any coffee today. I decided to discontinue the beverage until the symptoms of kidney problems abate. The pain in my lower back was not as bad as yesterday. I was really fatigued and irritable all day as a result of caffeine deprivation. Pseudo-professor Glenn and I went to the Indigo Happy Hour. Some rude fat slob was there. I opened up Lou's School of Etiquette long enough to let him know that he was a "fucking fat-ass slob." I was hoping that he would try something so I could pummel him. Obviously this was a bad day to drop the caffeine.

I was also in a state of confusion for most of the day. I became somewhat disconnected with my life as I know it. I thought about discontinuing payments on the townhouse and letting it go into foreclosure. Frankly, I just don't care about anything anymore. There really is no such thing as a "future." The future is already here. Planning for the future is just too fleeting. As a "party of one," I know all too well the reality of this kind of delusional thinking.

Friday June 25

Professor Lisa called last night from the airport. She was leaving for the mainland. It's too bad that I didn't get a chance to get together with her again before she left. There was the usual argument at the house up the street from moms' place with a lot of yelling and cussing between the parents and the punk son living there. The whole neighborhood was privy to this drama as usual. Well, it's become quite obvious to me how ugly life has become. I am also one of the perpetrators. Is it the human condition that forces us to become sleazy, uncaring slobs? In the big picture, humans have proliferated the landscape and become like a cancer, a blight, that is ruining the beauty of nature. Everywhere we go, we see nothing but hideous human caricatures and grisly human creations. It would not be so bad if it all wasn't so ugly. Human behavior is the most atrocious of all. We are all part of a sickening theater of degenerate personalities and dysfunctional psyches. People seem to enjoy this with a degree of smugness that confuses me to no end. This, my friends, is what I want to escape from before I am engulfed by this insanity.

An uneventful day. I was extremely fatigued again because of caffeine deprivation. I am not seeing any improvement in the symptoms that may indicate kidney problems. The Asylum was fairly quiet. The big meeting will take place tomorrow. Vivian, the human resources person, shared with me an incident involving Kevin. It was yet another anecdote to confirm that I can no longer trust him at all. He is guided by greed and will stop at nothing to make just a few dollars more. Yet, he will preach to me about the ways of Buddhism while always inferring that he is in lock-step with the doctrines.

Malia sent e-mail. She is now working full-time for the police department. She seems very happy. "How's your love life?" she asked. Why is everybody asking this lately? Even some of my regular associates have been prodding me to find a babe. They do not understand that my time has gone. Pseudo-professor Paul summed it up well when he told me that, after a certain point, there are other issues that become more important by default. He cited health issues as an example. He may be a bit eccentric, but he was right on the money. The babe situation is moot when one's kidneys are ready to give out. I managed to send a reply to update Malia with what has been going on.

After the gym, I ended up in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. I met Pseudo-professor Kai's daughter who is visiting him. Then, Pseudo-professor Bill persuaded both pseudo-professor Ralph and I to go to the Indigo Happy Hour. At first, I declined. I did not want to repeat my experience of yesterday. However, I changed my mind and went along. We had a great time. The food was good as usual. That's about the extent of my social life these days. It's better than nothing.

Saturday June 25

A somewhat interesting day. I left early for town on the street bus. I arrived just in time for the meeting at the Asylum at 11am. The meeting lasted three hours. Sam's proxy, Al, took up most of the time discuss the new business plan. I am not even sure if most of the faculty could even understand the ramifications of the plan. The Asylum is going to turn into a sweatshop. In addition, I am not even sure if the new ownership realizes that it is doomed to failure. The plan won't work here in Hawai'i. After the meeting, I chatted with a few people. Only Chip seems to grasp the big picture. On the way, out, both Chip and I were chatting with Michelle, the student services coordinator. We came to learn that she had been crying all morning. When she made her presentation during the meeting, she did not look good at all. She is apparently very frustrated. She is being given a lot more responsibilities to track attendance and test scores when the new plan goes in effect. She is also meeting a lot of resistance from the faculty. Overall, the Asylum is a big mess. There is no "team," even though Al keeps trying to persuade us that there is. There is so little cooperation amongst the various factions. It's too bad Kevin wasn't there. He would have heard about all of the new paperwork that will be required in order to track student success. It's totally ironic because it adds several layers of bureaucratic bullshit which will only serve to bring the whole system down. I'm not about to tell anyone any of my analysis. I'm just going to sit back and watch the whole thing collapse.

Incidentally, my guess is that the new plan for the Asylum will begin to fail in 18 weeks. The demographic profile we are working with cannot sustain the regimen. In addition, the faculty will not be able to keep the momentum going with this accelerated program. Remember, so far my analysis and predictions have been very accurate. For Al's plan to work flawlessly, he would need 110 percent commitment from the faculty and staff. these clowns can barely get along with each other. Almost all of them are totally incompetent, and they are only concerned about their paychecks. The students are another story altogether. Dysfunctional would be a compliment. It's not entirely their fault, I might add. However, the students will not be able to persevere in the kind of concentrated regimen that possibly works on the mainland.

I went to the gym. Then, I returned to Hawai'i Kai. I drove my six-four out to Kane'ohe this evening. I took the long way around Waimanalo and Kailua. I brought my new chopsticks and my microwave cookware with me. Naturally, I had to buy a couple of bottles of wine at Foodland along the way. I also brought the bottle of Austrian wine given to me by Lori. When I arrived, I immediately poured out a glass of wine from the open bottle in the fridge. I packed a few things to take back with me including the the folding metal bookshelf that I have to send to the former friend. that crazy thing must weigh close to 70 pounds, so it's going to cost me a fortune to ship. Naturally, the former friend could care less. She still thinks that I'm an asshole. I really don't care. I am just completing my obligation.

I have quite a few things now that I brought back to moms' house. I am going to schedule a Salvation Army pick-up for next weekend. I am making sure to obtain itemized receipts because I will use them for tax deductions. I just need to get rid of the useless crap once and for all. Selling this crap through the classified or on eBay is just too much trouble. In any case, I'm done with all of that crap. I'm pretty much done with everything. That includes wage slavery, the babe situation, and life in general. It's time to hele on, braddah!

To be continued ... Go to E.03

© Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.