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2001: The Viagra Years
Monday August 20, 2001
I woke up at about 7am and had several glasses of Gatorade for breakfast. Then, I inserted the Bisacodyl suppository for more fun on the can. I drove my six-four to the clinic. The rest is something that I don't care to remember. I have to wonder if the Barium Enema procedure was developed by someone with a perverse sense of humor. I didn't enjoy the experience. I hope that a better method of detection is developed soon. I can see why many people would rather take the risk of going undetected by not going through these kinds of tests. I should have just used my Nova Spirit (Taser-like device) and jolted my gut.
I brought a bagel with me and ate it during the drive back to Hawai'i Kai. That bagel tasted so good. I decided to stop at Kahala Mall. I wanted to get something to eat, but I went to Barnes & Noble instead. I ordered an iced coffee drink and perused a few Mac OS X books. Then, I listened to a few new CDs and ended up buying a Bobby Caldwell anthology. I spent over two hours there, but I really enjoyed the time. I wanted to stay longer. Alas, I'll leave that for another day. That's about the only activity I really enjoy. Kind of pathetic, eh? Only a loser would want to hang out at a bookstore all day.
The results of the Barium Enema should be available next week. So, we'll have to wait and see what the verdict is. All I want is a clean bill of health. Even then, I may be taking a CAT scan after this. I have now gone through the rites of passage to be an old man. That's what I am. This is the start of the real downhill slide. I fit in now with all of the old guys who sit around at Ala Moana and discuss their various ailments and the tests they have gone through. True to my own prediction, I have entered the Viagra Years.
I was extremely perturbed by late evening. I have no idea why I bought the CD. I also felt guilty for enjoying the drive to town. I can see that I am still a materialist. A slave to my possessions. Perhaps it's time for me to set up an eBay account. There was a feature on NPR news last week about some college professor who put his whole life up for sale on the Web. He cataloged all of his possessions on his Web site and listed the items on eBay. In the end, he didn't sell everything off. He did sell his Web site, however. The bottom line is that I was happy to be at Barnes & Noble because I was surrounded by merchandise. The euphoria created by the simple act of purchasing just one useless item is incredible and .stupefying Nothing is ever the same once it reaches home. When will I ever learn?
As we become more aware of our mortality, we become desperate to fulfill our perceived voids. We go crazy trying to experience as much nonsense as possible, and we buy everything in sight just so we won't miss out. You know, I saw Shawshank Redemption in the DVD rack at Barnes & Noble. I should have bought that instead of the foolish CD. It is one of the best movies I have ever seen. Maybe I'll get it later this week.
Tuesday August 21
I am beside myself to find anything interesting to do. The Bose Acoustic Wave remains unboxed, but I just didn't feel like listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio this morning. I opted for silence. I ruminated on my mall experience yesterday, specifically my relapse of materialism at Barnes & Noble. The jubilation that I felt amidst the myriad merchandise must be the same initial feeling that the people of the former Soviet bloc experienced once the Iron Curtain fell. Inundated with choices, albeit mostly useless, they went crazy. In time, they became disillusioned and began droppin' back the Vodka. Yet, I yearn to go back. I will control myself next time. I will only buy a small cup o' Joe and peruse the Mac OS X book sans any other purchases.
I went to the new gym in Hawai'i Kai. It is pretty nice but it is not as big as I thought. There seems to be much more equipment at the downtown location. I can't complain. At least I don't have to travel to town or to Waikiki to do a workout. After the gym, I stopped in at Starbuck's and ordered a Mocha Frappaccino.
"Do you want whipped cream on top?" asked the babe behind the counter.After that, I met up with moms at Foodland and helped carry the groceries back home.
"Yes, please," I replied.
"You're supposed to say 'no' since you just got out of the gym," she added, jokingly.
"That's why I can have the whipped cream."
My physician called today but I was not home to talk with him. I tried calling back later, but he must have left the office. Naturally, I am now concerned about the results of the dreadful Barium Enema. Perhaps something is terribly wrong. I'm not sure if I will sleep well tonight. I also tried to call Malia today. She has discontinued her cell phone service and her answering machine was turned off. No one answered the phone. My premonition may be correct after all.
Wednesday August 22
I finally spoke with my physician this morning. The results of the Barium Enema were good. I felt quite a bit of relief. He gave me one last option — the CAT scan. I'd have to go to the Moanalua clinic and it would involve an IV needle. Yuck! I decided to hold off. If the situation worsens, then I'll submit to the CAT scan. In the meantime, I will be setting up an appointment to discuss my long term strategy for health care and I will also be getting a complete physical exam.
There were a lot of babes at the gym today. There are very few babes at the downtown location. I'm glad that I'll only be here for another week. Well, I may have to come here on the weekends because I have late afternoon classes at the university next term. It's a good thing that I'm a monk because I won't even notice all of those babes running amuck in the gym. Kind of reminds me of the old days at the gym in Convalescent City. Sheesh!
The gym is pretty nice. It has two floors. The meathead room and aerobics complex are upstairs. All of the cardio equipment is downstairs. There are no StairMasters so I've been using the Transporter clones. All of the equipment faces the windows which overlook the bay. There's a breathtaking view of Koko Isle. That's the exclusive and posh island community where the handmaiden now lives with her rich BoyToy. Man, I'm glad that I don't have to deal with that ho' anymore.
All in all, I am happy for the good news today. I have decided to live a healthier lifestyle from now on. I've got to cut back on the crappy food. I have already minimized the fire water consumption. I also received my annual report from Social Security. Looks like I won't be retiring anytime soon. I've got to work until I'm close to 70 years old in order to qualify for benefits. Sad, isn't it? Well, from 1971 until 1997 (the year in Oregon), my total aggregate income was less than I made last year alone. That's right, my average monthly earnings during that period was only about $150 or so. What a loser! I give new meaning to the word "shiftless." In actuality, I knew that I'd end up this way. That was my plan. I wanted to live the retired lifestyle when I was young, figuring that I would work during my Golden Years. Now, I've changed my mind. I want to retire again. All that without fully paying my dues. Fat chance! I screwed up, and I know it.
I really don't want to work beyond my five-year plan. So, I'll just take it five years at a time. I will most likely renew the contract that I have made with myself. What would I do if I retired anyway? I can't hang out with The Bull or the Bishop. I'm certainly not going to chase after young gym babes. Since I have absolutely no hobbies or sports, then I'd be chokin' da chicken. That's figuratively, not literally. Well, I'm going to relax tonight. I'm listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio through my Bose Acoustic Wave with renewed vigor. After all, I've been given a reprieve from the Grim Reaper for now. Lord have mercy.
Thursday August 23
My follow-up dermatology appointment was at 3:30 this afternoon. I decided to stop off at Kahala Mall and spend some time at Barnes & Noble. I started out by ordering a Mocha Frappaccino. Then, I ran into Pseudo-professor Jim and Asylum faculty member Chip. I talked with both of them for a while and ended up with only an hour to peruse an OS X book. The dermatology appointment was useless. I didn't want to freeze off the various skin anomalies that are festering on the surface of the oversized cranium, so there was not much to do. I don't want to end up looking like General Noriega, although the similarity at this point is pretty striking. Sheesh! After my appointment, I hopped on a regular bus to town. Sitting in the back was the academic coordinator for my department at the university. I ended up talking with him for the duration of the trip. I managed to squeeze in a short StairMaster workout at the gym before taking an express bus home.
I don't know why I am never in the mood to go anywhere but, once I get going, I have a pretty good time. I was looking forward to spending a few hours alone at Barnes & Noble so that I could read through all of the OS X books. Whenever I am determined to spend time alone, I always run into people and end up conversing with them for a while. I can't complain. Once again, I am listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio through my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. Since yesterday, I haven't given much thought about divesting all of my possessions. Somehow, I don't think it matters all that much. With the latest round of interest rate cuts, I'll be losing more dough. I can't win, so why even try? The powers-that-be and the moneychangers are going to squeeze every last dime out of us one way or another.
I don't understand the mindset of the wealthy. Why must they do everything to reduce the working poor to sub-fiefdom? What kind of sick entertainment value can be derived by this? Greed is one of the most powerful tools used by the sinister kahuna. Greed is insatiable and it knows no reason. It is also the catalyst which keeps the minions in check because they are too dumb to realize that they will never make it. The moneychangers brainwash all of us with a hope and a dream, none of which really exists. It's all marketing and hype. Yet, one would be hard-pressed to persuade the masses to pay closer attention to the sham being perpetrated on them. Like sheep, they are following the false shepherd to the slaughterhouse. We'll all be reduced to living in the poorhouse, but that still won't be enough for the moneychangers. They want our souls, specifically they want us to sell our souls to them. In the tyranny of impoverished damnation, they want us to pay homage to them. Worship them, as if they were deities. Then, they will want to see us cry for mercy before exacting the most cruel torture techniques upon us. We will continue to cry out to our masters until they finally show mercy by repossessing our souls, our very lives, from us. They will laugh insanely and dance around our carcasses like true idiots. Little do they know, the sinister kahuna will repossess their souls in the end. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Fools! Who do they think they are? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Mental midgets! The treasures of the world will not bring them salvation. Seek redemption now, you rich [rectums]! Booyah!
Friday August 24
I spent a couple of hours at Barnes & Noble in Kahala Mall. Naturally, I spent all of that time reading the same OS X books. Then, I returned home. I went to the gym. After that, I treated myself to a Mocha Frappaccino at Starbuck's. I walked home at a leisurely pace. I was somewhat agitated, although I'm not sure why. So, I installed OS X on my beloved iBook. I have set it up for dual booting. Unfortunately, I cannot use OS X for much. The most important aspect is the DVD player. I can't watch Brianna Banks because the current version of OS X does not have a DVD player. I installed OS X because I want to start installing some of the applications that I'll need soon enough. I eventually want to remove OS 9.1 completely.
So far, I have not run into a lot of the problems that other people have (as per the Apple forums). The additional memory seems to be a real benefit. Well, the weekend is upon us, but I am indifferent because I have not been slaving away in the salt mines all week. I really could get used to the retired lifestyle. I'll be listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. I'll also be perusing all of the new features in OS X in sheer amazement. Apple's got a winner!
Saturday August 25
I was extremely fatigued today. I couldn't get to sleep last night because of all of the OS X excitement. Then, at 5am, the young ho' and two of her BoyToys were outside. The BoyToys all seem old enough to drive, but they apparently are not old enough to work. When I was their age, my curfew was midnight on weekends and 5pm on weekdays. None of these punks have any kind of curfew. No responsibilities either. Ever wonder why society is going to hell in a handbasket?
OS X and a few of the applications crashed on me several times last night. I am not using the latest build, so that may have something to do with it. Overall, it's nice, but I do miss a few of the features in the old operating system. The selling point, of course, is that OS X is built upon the FreeBSD (a flavor of Unix) kernel. What I have heard of the build coming out next month is that it is a drastic improvement and will also have a DVD player. What I found more fascinating is that OS X is not hardware specific. It can be ported to the Intel platform as was the original NeXTStep operating system. Although I have not seen Windows XP, I am certain that OS X will make it look pathetic.
I spent most of the day perusing the same old OS X propaganda booklet that came with the CD. I was irritated because I became keenly aware about how narrow my interests have become. I'll be playing with OS X again tonight. I am becoming impatient about the next build. I'll also be downloading more programs so I'll be prepared for the final transition. Of course, none of this crap really matters. What exactly do I need a computer for? I do absolutely no work on my iBook, unless the journal could be considered "productive." Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! I just need a good DVD player to peruse my hurdy-gurdy DVD library. Sheesh!
My bro stopped by later in the afternoon. He brought a 12-pack of Steinlager brewskis. I related my Barium Enema experience, just so he knows what to look forward to in ten years. We ended up talking about all kinds of other nonsense. Well, I'll be spending the rest of the weekend playing with OS X, that is, until I become frustrated over the build's limitations.
Sunday August 26
I spent most of last night downloading a few programs for OS X. Most of them like Netscape 6.1 are "preview" (read: beta) versions and don't quite look or run properly. It's going to be a while before Apple and the other vendors get all of that squared away. However, aside from the DVD player, I could already use OS X exclusively. My real concern is that OS X causes the computer to shut down with a big clank noise. That's how my Fujitsu computer used to shut down. However, the iBook always shut down quietly. Only in OS X is the noise present.
Caroll called today. She seems to be doing well, although she is now working as an assistant manager at Taco Bell. I am a little concerned about Caroll because we go back a long way. She is living in Santa Cruz again. She seems to be repeating history again with rentals and roommates. Malia e-mailed finally, and she seems to be doing fine. She did extremely well at the university, but she will be taking the Fall term off for personal reasons.
Moms and I took the bus to Koko Marina. We walked home and almost got run over by several dorks who have no idea that there are pedestrians who cross city streets. I am always worried that one of these jackasses won't see moms one day. If anything happens to moms because of some moron's negligence, there will be a Dirty Kimo reaction, I assure you. The drain in the bathtub was completely clogged. I put lye down the drain, but that didn't do much. A call to Roto-Rooter ended up costing $160 for a 10-minute job with the snake. What a rip-off! Well, I'll be spending this evening with my beloved iBook and OS X. Later, I'll listen to Hearts of Space on my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. What a great vacation, huh?
Monday August 27
Moms and I drove to Ala Moana this morning in my beloved six-four. Moms bought me some new tanks tops and shorts. I wear my tattered ones every day for a reason — they are comfortable and I like them. Moms thought that I was too poor to buy new clothes. Well, the rest of the story is fairly obvious. Moms and I ate lunch at Shirokiya. Then, we looked around a little more before going home. I also bought a case of motor oil. Maybe I'll change the oil in my six-four before I hit the two-year mark. Sheesh!
I went to the gym later, and I happened to run into the handmaiden. When I came home, moms had the air conditioner on. I keep telling moms to close all of the windows and doors of the adjacent rooms because all of the outside hot air will flow into the house by convection. So, when moms turned the air conditioner off at 6pm, the whole house suddenly was hotter than an oven. That's when moms decided to bake a salmon fillet in the oven. Alas, these are trying times. Yet, I do not regret these times. There will be a day that I will never see moms again. I suppose that I now know why I am stressed out all the time. I keep thinking about that inevitability. I should be living more for the present, but it's hard. Pops' untimely passing has made me very cognizant of the concept of mortality. I'm going to chill with OS X and my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave this evening. My vacation is rapidly drawing to a close.
Tuesday August 28
I took the bus to Kahala Mall so that I could spend some time at Barnes & Noble. I continued reading the usual computer books. I returned home before noon. I was too lazy to go to the gym. Instead, I stayed home and lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair. Later, I decided to nerd out with my beloved iBook. I am working toward making OS X the primary operating system. Then, I'll remove all of the redundant applications.
Yesterday, Caroll described her ordeal with her possessions. She seems to be at wit's end because she has been hauling boxes of stuff everywhere since she first moved to Convalescent City. I remember when I last visited her in Santa Cruz. She had boxes stacked up all over the place. She moves so often that she never has a chance to unpack anything. I remember when I had a lot of stuff. I had to ship a lot of the boxes between Cali and Hawai'i all the time. Then, I rented a storage space for about a year. Finally, I got rid of mostly everything. The divestiture was expedited by my homeless status at the time. Even as I was making my final plans to move back to Hawai'i, I was shipping all of my remaining possessions. I got rid of most of those things shortly after I arrived. All in all, that crap cost me a lot of time and money to shuffle around. None of it was worth anything. And, sentimental value can only go so far.
I boxed up my Bose Acoustic Wave again. I might as well prepare for my return to the salt mines. The days are getting shorter, and it's plainly obvious that Summer will soon be over. I didn't get much done during my brief vacation. Does it really matter?
Wednesday August 29
Moms and I went to Kahala Mall this morning on the bus. We briefly looked around and then had lunch at Panda Express. After that, moms did some grocery shopping at Star Market. We missed the noon bus, so we sat outside and looked around. I'm glad that I have been able to spend some time with moms. We aren't out very long because moms gets tired fairly quickly. I look at these damned punks these days and how they take their parents for granted, just as I once did in my foolish youth. How can I ever make amends for my brazen stupidity? I've mentioned several times before that I won't be going anywhere off this island anytime soon. I suppose that I am doing penance for my foolishness.
After we returned home, I put my gym outfit on and caught the bus to Koko Marina. There were quite a few babes at the gym this afternoon. I'm not even sure why I even noticed. I went to Starbuck's after my mediocre workout. As I stood in line, I saw Pseudo-professor Jim sitting in the back at one of the tables. I ordered my usual Mocha Frappaccino and ended up talking with him for over an hour. Reminds me of the old days in Convalescent City. I would always run into someone no matter where I went. Naturally, the discussion would always center on babes even though the other party knew that I was a monk. These days, I only run into other faculty, so our discussions are, dare I say, a little more intellectual.
Well, I'll be configuring my iBook again this evening. I've already started to delete a few applications. I'm becoming impatient, like many of the Apple forum members. There's still about a month left before the major update to OS X and it will be longer than that before I have a copy in my own hands. I'm already annoyed by the spinning color wheel of [dung]. I'm just happy that I won't have to worry about Windows XP. I finally saw a screen capture of the desktop. Yuck! It's Mac OS X all the way for the ol' lavahead!
Thursday August 30
I took the bus to Kahala Mall again this morning. I went straight to Barnes & Noble and picked out my favorite computer books to read. I saw Pseudo-professor Jim, but we did not chat for very long. I wasn't in a chatting mood. I returned home before noon. After lunch, I went to the gym. If I had a lot of dough stashed away, then I could do this same routine daily. However, I am a wage slave. That's why I will end up downtown tomorrow. I have to substitute for another faculty member at the Asylum's orientation for new students. At least I will have a firsthand look at the new crop of slackers. Sheesh!
I have removed a few applications from my iBook. It's easy to uninstall programs because there is no registry as in Windows. However, there are application extensions and preference files which must also be located and discarded. Overall, I'm not too pleased that I must still run two separate operating systems. Together, about 2.5GB of hard drive space is used. I will continue to purge the unnecessary stuff. Ultimately, I want to get rid of the legacy operating system. Applications are crashing right and left in OS X, most likely because they are all "preview" versions. OS X, itself, is very stable.
I may have to "tag" the journal manually in a text editor. I've been using Netscape Composer, but it is legacy stuff that is slated to be removed. I'm also going to remove Internet Explorer and the "preview" version of Netscape 6.1 and replace it with OmniWeb. I probably don't need a visual Web page composer since the journal is so plain as it is. I'm not even sure why I've embarked on this useless adventure. I haven't even perused my hurdy-gurdy DVD library in a while. Whassup wi' dat? Well, hey! These are the Viagra Years!
Friday August 31
I had an early taste of the salt mines, as it were. The Asylum's orientation day was chaotic as it normally is. Mike, another Asylum faculty member, informed me that the teaching assistant program has been canned due to a funding mishap. The e-mail concerning this matter appeared in my inbox this afternoon, sometime after I had asked the Associate Dean about the problem. Funny, I get e-mail about the damned faculty reception way before the more important items. As we already know, that is not unusual at the Asylum. I actually wanted to resign right then and there, but I came to my senses. I was in a bad way for the rest of the day.
I went to the gym, but I didn't particularly have a good workout. As I was waiting to cross the street on the way back to the Asylum, I heard someone grunting. I looked back, only to see a middle-aged hag, who wanted me to get out of its way. I could feel the rage welling up within. As a monk, though, I turned the other cheek. "You could say, 'Excuse me,' you [copulating] stupid barbarian," I said in a humble fashion. Sometimes I just amaze myself concerning how easily I surmount all tribulation.
I wanted to take the first express bus out of that hellhole. I waited and waited. Then, it started raining. I could have easily erupted in senseless violence, but I stood there like a putz. My patience paid off because the bus was 15 minutes late. I was very happy to return home. I'm not going to do much during this Labor Day weekend, although I didn't get much preparation done for my classes. All of that can wait. There is more to life than wage slavery.
Saturday September 1, 2001
I was extremely fatigued when I woke up this morning. I lapsed in and out of a coma for most of the day. Then, I decided to become productive. I drove my six-four to Long's and City Mill in Kuapa Kai. I bought a hose coupling repair kit so I could fix the water hose in the back yard. And, I bought a plastic storage container for moms. When I returned home, I gave the plastic container to moms, but moms claimed that it was too big. So, I exchanged it with my little container that I use for my nerd peripherals. I discovered that I bought a coupling that was too big for the hose. So, I drove back to Long's to exchange it. I decided that I had better buy a 12-pack of Bud Light cheap brewskis because I was ready to go insane. When I returned home, I discovered that I exchanged the coupling not realizing that it was the for the wrong end of the hose. What a maroon! I immediately began consuming the cheap brewskis.
My bro came by late in the afternoon. I shared the rest of the cheap brewskis with him. He waxed his truck while I kept him company. We ended up talking story until 10pm. My bro will be coming by again sometime later this weekend. He also left me A Bug's Life DVD so I could watch it. The DVD came with his iMac.
I'm not sure why I had so many problems with the hose coupling. I will have to go and buy the correct coupling tomorrow. It is as if I have become a brain donor. The whole fiasco has cost me time and money, more than the original $1.59 for the lousy part. Am I becoming senile? Sheesh! I removed all traces of Internet Explorer last night. It belongs nowhere on the Mac desktop. I also decided not to install OmniWeb, opting for the "preview" version of Netscape 6.1 alone. Yes, I've come full circle. Remember when I removed Netscape Communicator from my beloved Fujitsu computer? OS X is now my primary operating system. If I must peruse my hurdy-gurdy DVD library, then I still have to reboot in the legacy system. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to leave the fold.
Sunday September 2
Big headache. Not only did the cheap brewski do me in, but I also had a very strange dream. I won't go into details about the dream because it is irrelevant. However, I'm not exactly sure why I was embarking on a journey that required a passport. Although I was groggy, I managed to notice the proliferation of Windows XP propaganda in the Sunday ads. The writing is on the wall for Apple. The debut of Windows XP is overshadowing that of OS X. No one knows or cares about Apple. I have a feeling that Microscum will succeed in rounding up the entire herd for this upgrade. It's going to be a feeding frenzy. Microscum has developed a very strong dependency in its users because it has left no stone unturned in creating the illusion of incremental obsolescence. Its savvy marketing department has developed quite a flair for pushing mediocre upgrades at the expense of consumer self-esteem.
I am becoming more annoyed with OS X. The dock gets in the way. Text automatically is selected as I'm typing and, therefore, is deleted as I inadvertently type over it. I was just writing about my experience with the damned hose coupling again and it disappeared. If I wanted mediocre crap like this, then I could have just stayed on with Windows.
I lapsed in and out of a coma for most of the day. For lunch, I ate chips and salsa. My bro came by after dinner. We ended up buying a 12-pack of Steinlager brewskis and talking story until late in the evening. It's plainly obvious that neither he or I want to return to the salt mines. There's just no satisfaction in wage slavery. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to over-commit to wage slavery. Why? I don't reward myself with myriad useless possessions. Clearly, this internal debate has been going for a long time, and this is a quandary that must be resolved. I have never been so confused but, then again, I've never taken much responsibility for anything prior.
The mundane routine of life is getting to me. I cannot sedate myself through materialistic pursuits, so I am left to fend for myself. I find that I have nothing to do. I cannot commit to any hobbies except the computer. I also have not decided upon any personal sports to pursue. Going to the gym is also not as exciting as it used to be. I don't even want to socialize with other people. I find that I have nothing in common with anyone. If anything, I will only prove that I am some kind of nut to them. For the time being, I have to overcome that guilt of not being productive enough. I am made to feel useless because I only earn half as much as what I should. I can't go on like this. Lord have mercy.
Labor Day 2001
There's not much to do on Labor Day except to go shopping or to watch the tube. Since I do neither, I opted to lapse into an extended coma. I also ended up removing a few more applications from my iBook because of sheer stupidity. I had to remove the legacy Netscape Communicator because I rendered Composer useless when I modified the journal files in the OS X Text Editor. File associations are extremely rigid in the old operating system. So, I could no longer open the files in it. I have no choice now but to use the extremely buggy Composer in the "preview" release. One thing I'll miss for now is the Spell Check in the old version. Oh well. The writing is probably on the wall concerning the journal as well. Perhaps it's time for me to put it out of its misery, eh?
Moms was going through the big box of pictures she has kept over the years. Moms spent a lot of time looking at them. I could only wonder what moms was thinking about. The thought made me very sad because I know how hard it is to look back in time. It seems like eons ago when my bro and I were kids but, in reality, it wasn't that long ago. Anything or any event which could suggest that moms is in the twilight of her life makes me despondent. My only real purpose in life is to spend time with moms. In essence, this is another time of reckoning.
I finally changed the oil in my six-four. I have no idea why I procrastinated so long. All that resulted was a lot of anxiety. The old oil really didn't look bad. It probably could have lasted another year. Well, my vacation is officially over. I'll be returning to the salt mines tomorrow, and I can't say that I'm really excited. There's only so much oppression I can tolerate at any one time. I'm just waiting for the final release of OS X.
Tuesday September 4
The express bus took about two hours before arriving downtown this morning. I discovered later that an accident was responsible for the delay. The first day of classes at the Asylum was not too exciting. I have, however, arranged to keep my teaching assistants, although I had to be a little creative insofar as incentives were concerned. I stayed in town a little later than I wanted to because I had to restore my monk haircut. I was apprehensive about going back to the same clip joint, but I couldn't afford anything else. The haircut turned out okay. As a matter of fact, I came out with a Crew Cut, so now the ol' lavahead looks like a boy in the army.
I watched A Bug's Life last night. The movie was enjoyable, I have to admit. Tonight, I am going to relax because I'll have an even longer day in the salt mines tomorrow since my classes at the university will commence. It's always the same games. Only the faces change. I'm back on track with my five-year plan. That's about the only way I'll maintain my sanity. Hanging out and drinking a few cheap brewskis with my bro on the weekends has also helped. I've got to detach myself from the salt mines and wage slavery. I'm going to do the bare minimum to keep myself employed. Committing myself any further will be the fastest way to achieve incongruence and, ultimately, insanity. The world is in a state of chaos. As a monk, I've been able to step back and observe how low we, as a people, have degenerated. Whether we choose to believe it or not, the prophesies are unfolding before our very eyes.
Alas, this is not the time to delve into the mysteries of the prophesies. I'm not about to revert to soothsayer mode. It's important to establish a place of refuge — a safe haven — away from the madness. There is always need for reflection in quiet solitude. I have been given this one simple luxury. And, I do not take it for granted.
Wednesday September 5
The first day of my classes at the university. What more can I say? I have revised my curriculum once again to see if I can better meet the facilitation needs of the students while making it easy for myself. There were quite a few babes in the classes, although I really didn't notice. I'm not exactly sure, but I believe that I have finally made the real transition into the monk lifestyle. The events of Summer have certainly precipitated a lot of changes.
I'm becoming much more worried about moms. I have already observed that moms is showing more signs of old age than she cares to admit. Today, moms accidentally fell while disembarking from the bus. The number of accidents have been rising. I don't sleep well at nights because this matter is always on my mind. It is not uncommon for me to break down and start sobbing late in the evening when all is quiet. This should be a happy time, but I am extremely sad. I don't want to see moms grow old and feeble. I don't want to see moms in pain. Moms has dedicated her life to her two sons because that is all she has. There is no way that I can repay moms. I have not done enough in my time. I've been a burden for most of my life. I have, at the least, come around to seeing the vanity of modern life and how I have obscured what is truly important.
I am rapidly approaching the crossroads of the space-time continuum — the juncture of spirituality and mortality.
Thursday September 6
I don't think that I've ever come to grips with pops' untimely passing. I have not really talked with anyone about what happened. I no longer am haunted by what I saw during the last days of pops' suffering and agony. However, my senses seems to have been numbed along the way. The Barium Enema has certainly brought me closer to the reality of my own age. In essence, nothing has really been the same. I haven't had much to contribute to the journal. My incessant ramblings are becoming extremely redundant. In fact, I have no idea who peruses the journal anymore. I have no contact with the readership. I have lost my motivation to do anything except to tinker with my beloved iBook. I'm no longer even certain that I can maintain my five-year financial plan.
There's something that deeply tugs at my soul. It tasks me, but there is no discernible voice telling me specifically what I must do. There is a clear anxiety which seems to suggest that I may be making a grave error. My gut feeling tells me that the sacrifices being made now for a more financial future has caused me to preclude the ramifications in the present. Could it be that I am once again at battle with my own demons?
The Asylum appears to be in a state of disarray. I cannot pinpoint the cause. I am rarely at the university, so I am not sure if the situation there is just as bad. I just do my work and mind my own business. So far, everything is running smoothly and according to plan. The days are a blur once again. I can only go to the gym twice during the week, so I will have to go to the gym in Hawai'i Kai at least once during the weekend. I'm just happy that tomorrow is Friday. Sheesh!
Friday September 7
I'm getting back into the routine of classes. After a while, I just go through the motions without even thinking. What's there to think about anyway? As the economy drifts further into a recession, there is ample reason to remain detached from it all. My whole life is a collage of conflict. As much as I can't stand Microscum, I am only employed because I can train people to use its products. I live in a world of materialistic abandon, but I own basically nothing. On and on it goes. Wrong is right.
I was extremely happy to depart from the salt mines. Yet, I don't escape the mundane banality when I am away. Frankly, I have no idea what is wrong. Nor, do I have a clue about what may or may not be missing from my life. The fatigue never seems to go away. It's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The symptoms are more prevalent for me because I don't drown myself in booze or new possessions anymore. I have absolutely no diversions. Keeping oneself sedated from the harsh realities of existence is a costly proposition. Of course, I know that I am missing the one key element of survival in the 21st century — the tube. With the amount of time people spend in front of that stupid thing, it's plain to see why I have so much time on my hands to doubt my sanity. The tube can easily dull the senses with its "cookie cutter" programming. Mediocre entertainment can easily sell when there is clearly no other alternative.
Alas, there's always my iBook. I, like the other Mac fools, am sitting around and waiting for OS X, just as the Windows morons are waiting for XP to debut. It's all the same thing. I suppose that is all I have to look forward to. After that, it's back to banality for the ol' lavahead.
Saturday September 8
The morning is quiet. I was extremely groggy from a week in the salt mines. None of the neighbors are home. They are either working or shopping. Identical ugly, gray trash containers lined the street. Conformity has also been applied to garbage collection. I have a lot of work to do, but I have no desire to take the bus downtown. Perhaps, I can do most of it on my iBook and attach it in e-mail to send to myself. There is some sense of satisfaction in a day's work, mostly that it adds to the paycheck. However, in the greater scheme of things, a day in the salt mines is just another water drop on one's face (read: water torture). Time is ticking away.
I have read that monochrome Palm devices like mine are now outmoded and worth nothing. Most morons want color and the ability for the device to emulate a desktop computer. They are willing to spend up to $600 for these albatrosses. I won't be participating in this "high tech" madness any further. The recession is still causing me to lose about as much dough as I earn. However, I realize that the rich [rectums] are using this time to regroup and make investments since everything is now undervalued. Interest rates are low enough for these affluent bastards to borrow cheaply and to amass even more wealth. The rest of us must be content to make do with nothing. Interest rates for the poor never change since the destitute qualify for nothing. The real madness only affects the rank-and-file, much the same way as spraying a colony of roaches with Raid.
I went to the gym this afternoon. I really didn't want to go but I can't get by with only two days at the gym. That's one of the reasons why I feel so sluggish. After the gym, I treated myself to a Starbuck's Mocha Frappaccino. I had to deal with a staff that wasn't trained in the basics of customer service, so that will be the last time I go there. It's time for me to relax. I'm not sure if I'll ever get around to doing any work. Who cares, eh?
Sunday September 9
Caroll called this morning. She has been going through all of her boxes and purging all of the superfluous items. What she related to me was exactly the same experience that I went through a few years ago when I converted to the mendicant lifestyle.
"How much stuff do you have left?" she asked.
"Everything I own can fit in a shopping cart," I replied.
She laughed. However, it's true. I can fit everything (with the exception of my beloved six-four) into a shopping cart. I am always thankful that I have Caroll as a friend. There are a lot of aspects of my friendship with Caroll that cannot be replicated with anyone else. Much of it has to do with our life experiences, and how we have coped with our individual situations.
I've ended the day with a six-pack of Foster's brewskis. What else could I do? I did a little work this afternoon. So, I'll e-mail the rough draft to myself in order to finish the rest tomorrow when I return to the salt mines. I have noticed that my beloved iBook has the same problems as my old Fujitsu computer. The mouse cursor moves around on its own. It activates itself randomly and I end up typing in locations nowhere near where I started. I'm beginning to have my doubts about OS X. It is acting just like Windows. If I was smart, I would just wipe the hard drive clean and restore the old operating system. Who needs this crap?
Monday September 10
I am coding this entry by hand because I just discovered that Netscape Composer had put in about 4KB of spaces for no particular reason. It took me almost an hour to remove that crap. I'm not even sure if I should use it anymore. This is the kind of mediocrity that only a poor loser must tolerate. I am actually not in the mood to compose the journal at this point in time. I should drop back the rest of the Foster's brewskis. The label on the bottle mentions Australia in every conspicuous location, yet it says "Brewed in Canada" in small print. Whassup wi' dat?
Another long day in the salt mines. It's only Monday but I'm already fatigued. My credit card bill arrived. I realize that I spent too much dough on my useless hurdy-gurdy DVD library. What the heck am I talking about? It's a great library! Perhaps I should order a few more for the ol' collection, eh?
It's surprising how little time I have to reflect about anything when I am in the salt mines. Either I must deal with chronic stupidity, or I'm putting out fires because of more chronic stupidity. There's no end to the madness. I'm going to spend the evening relaxing and reading the Apple forums on the Net. My mind has turned to mush. Maybe it's time for me to buy a tube. Sheesh!
To be continued ... Go to V.14
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