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As Lori has not contacted me, I must assume that we have another extension of the Burger King encounter. It looks to me like I was being baited again. She wanted to see how high I would jump. Just another game that she will deny. Barbara commented in e-mail:

I want to support you in your feeling of grave danger. Not just physically but emotionally. She has showed you how to play this "its not a game" game, but remember she is a professional at this. Did she lose her playmates too? You were always there to support her in the past so she feels you should still be there now. I mean what has changed? Also if you want to play the game to get a bit of nookie, make sure your strong enough to handle keeping your physical self and your emotional self separate.

I have no way to combat her strategy because I am not dating anyone. She knows this. This is her weapon. Until she actually sees me in the company of some babes, I will be subjected to this torture over and over again. She will assume that I am waiting for her to come back. Then, she will unload the heavy artillery on me. My only ace in the hole will come on June 10th. That's when Lori's daughter moves back to Oregon. I will only have a small window of opportunity to mobilize. But, what am I going to do? I have no plan. No matter what, Lori will go into bereavement that week. She will be partying heavily to compensate. Whatever I need to do, that is when it needs to be done. It's a most precarious situation especially in my fragile mental state.

I have been going out of my way on weekends to go to the gym downtown. The one in Waikiki is much more convenient but I have been trying to avoid running into Lori. Today, as the bus I was on made the turn at Koko Marina, I saw Lori walking home with groceries. She had her gym attire on so she must have gone to the gym in Waikiki. I was coming from town. I had thought about going to Waikiki. It's a good thing I didn't. She probably times everything such that we will run into each other "coincidentally." Then, I would stupidly ask her to go to Cheeseburgers in Paradise (across the street) for beverages and appetizers. That's when she would shut me down by saying that she has to go because she has a date that evening. Or, we'll go there. I'll spend a lot of dough and she'll cut it short and say that she has to leave because of a date. I end up feeling like crap. Mission accomplished. By the way, this has happened.

Barbara is correct when she says that Lori is "a professional" at this sleazy game. It's like one of the sages said, "She doesn't think like any of us." Look, I have the best minds working on this problem right here and we can barely stabilize the situation. Lori is waging war on a peace loving monk and he has no idea what to do. To show you how ludicrous this situation is, she told everyone that she still loved me but she was already actually dating other clowns. She even insulted my intelligence by telling me that. Is that the dumbest thing you've ever heard? Yet, people bought it. Maybe I should try to sell them some air.

In any case, I'm in a real desperate situation here. I need some ideas. I need a war strategy. And, I can't just simply immobilize the opponent. I must neutralize the opponent. Neutralize. Take no prisoners. Therefore, I am querying everyone for ideas.

Questions for Review:

• What do you think of the latest encounter I had with Lori?
• Is my analysis of the situation sound? Is it plausible?
• What do I have that Lori wants? Is it my soul?
• Does Lori seem to be winning the "game"?
• What do you think of the way I'm handling the situation so far?
• How would you neutralize this opponent? What is your plan? What would you do?

I should also mention the curious development concerning Lori's employment. She said that the story would take twenty minutes to tell so she condensed it down to three minutes. Allegedly, the incumbent Account Executive was fired because he didn't bring in the loans and subsequently Lori was laid off because there were no loans to underwrite. However, she was offered the Account Executive position. What is odd is that she was laid off exactly three months to the day, the time period she had "negotiated" for a salary review. The story sounds really fishy to me because Lori had told me that she refused the six-month review. It was too long to wait for a pay raise. Instead of a raise, she essentially was fired. Sounds like history repeating itself again, eh? The sages even predicted that she wouldn't make it to June. I can only wonder what really happened. Did she try to "negotiate" for an even higher salary?

I have also just realized a pattern in my encounters with Lori. The "silent treatment" began on February 22nd. I decided to maintain a completely passive stance at that point. The situation was a lost cause. I was "forgiven" at Burger King on April 8th. The "silent treatment" still continued. Then, Lori broke the "silent treatment" on May 7th. The next significant event is due around June 7th. [I say "significant" because I now see Lori almost daily.] However, that day falls very close to Steph's departure date. That's when I must launch my offensive. I have to admit that I have already stated my weaknesses before the whole "journal of the mind" thing started. I made it clear that I was hooked on the fire water again and basically that was due to Lori. As Lori has read that, she knows at least one of my weaknesses. The sad part is that the journal has empowered her all along, which is why I had to shut it down.

I'm actually ready to break down. I can't take this nonsense much longer. I can't see myself dating just to get Lori off my back. I just cannot see myself dating babes. Period. It's another game onto itself. So, dating is definitely out of the question. I can only continue my present strategy which is to take the passive stance. Maybe Lori will just give up. This is such a reactive strategy but I have no proactive ones. Or, I could just front her already. I'm waiting for suggestions from the War Room (you, the readers).

Strategy? What Strategy?

I have been caught with my pants down. I have been forced to react. My only other option requires a level of deceit that I am seemingly incapable of perpetrating. Thus, until a viable strategy is presented, I will continue to avoid any contact with Lori or her close friends. However, if I am devious enough, I will tell her what she wants to hear when I do run into her (e.g., that I still love her, I miss her presence, etc.) yet I will do nothing else to substantiate what I had to say. In other words, I won't chase her. She will be confused. Since I didn't actually slam her, she will not have suitable reason to exact revenge. The confusion may act as a deterrent, a smokescreen. She has used at least one of our brief encounters to extract information from me. She knows that I will be here for the Summer. I made it sound as though I will be unemployed. Knowing what happened during my so-called time of reckoning may also act as a deterrent. Maybe my deception skills do exist. Until I know what Lori is up to, I must protect myself in anyway possible.

Sunday May 16

There is something that has bothered me up until today. It's the matter of the park kitty. I find it odd that a young, strong kitty who apparently survived for a long time just disappeared. The disappearance is strange because it happened when I went to Cali in March. I had fed the kitty the night before I left. Lori knows that I was fond of the kitty and I went up to the park nightly to feed it. I often referred to the kitty as "my only friend in Hawai'i." I don't want to draw any conclusions, but I will say that I find the circumstances of the kitty's disappearance to be suspicious at best. And, Lori knew I would be gone since Lavinya had told her so. Remember that I had met with her just the day before I left. My trip was also chronicled in the journal. I am at a loss to understand this.

Do you often feel that you deserve better than what is going on in your life? That's the way I feel. I'm not talking about big bank. I tried hard to save my broken relationship. I was told it was too late. So, when I finally break away, the bitch comes back to give me grief. When I didn't respond to the "You are forgiven" encounter at Burger King, I thought she would get the message. Instead she continued to try to establish contact with someone she never wanted to see again. Then, she implies that it is I who should call her. Say what? What have I done to deserve this? Kevin (cyclist@flash.net), who knows Lori, responded to the review questions (see R.2). Here's some excerpts:

What do you think of the latest encounter I had with Lori?
Bizarre - it's just one big head game, a "mindfuck" of the highest order.

Is my analysis of the situation sound? Is it plausible?
Yes, it's plausible. She definitely wants something. It could be emotional support, financial support, or just a roll in the hay. Maybe Balding Bill can't get it up, and Viagra isn't helping. Maybe he's a lousy lover, and she wants more than she's getting. Maybe her conscience is bothering her over the way she treated you. Maybe she's got multiple personality disorder.

What do I have that Lori wants? Is it my soul?
I think that she's one fucked-up loser. She may not even know what she wants - maybe she's acting out of pure habit. A psychological knee-jerk reaction, as it were.

What do you think of the way I'm handling the situation so far?
I wouldn't even give her the time of day. Since you talk to her, you show her that you're still interested. This encourages her. I wouldn't even acknowledge her, especially if she initiates a conversation.

How would you neutralize this opponent? What is your plan? What would you do?
Stay the hell away from her - she will only bring you pain and cause you to slip deeper into darkness. Don't talk to her, don't acknowledge her, don't even be civil or polite. Just say (if you must), that that part of your life is over, and to have anything to do with her would be a step backward. You need to move forward. And tell her - tell, don't ask - not to have any contact with you, not even the most casual. Then turn around and walk away.

From: jasona@ma.ultranet.com
Subject: Re: Journal of the Mind
Date: Mon, 17 May 1999 00:21:43 -0400

Hi T,

Whew, the unvarnished truth was pretty intense. Thanks for allowing me to read it. I can't believe you are still maintaining any sort of relationship with an individual who has that toxic of an effect on your psyche.

<satire follows>

But wait a minute! This is Losernet. So here is how it should go:

You finally get that teaching job that quickly turns into a full professorship. Your salary increases beyond your expectations. Your confidence returns and you start dating that cute teaching assistant. You get engaged. But all along The Nameless One (dare I say the handmaiden of the Sinister Kahuna?) lurks in the background. She constantly runs into you "accidentally" and her mere presence serves as a constant reminder of that exciting illicit sex.

One evening while at Mango's, you accidentally run into her again and as you are both under the influence of the fire water, you decide to engage in a nostalgic reenactment of your former life. She gives you temporary read access to her C drive and you partake of the dual unsupported floppies. Soon after, you are starting to get very sentimental, thinking you are finally back on track with the love of your life. But oh no! Within days, you discover she has banged at least three totally unsuitable moronic party guys, been thrown out of work for inappropriate conduct, and arrested for fooling around with one of her daughter's boyfriends. From jail, she begs and pleads with you and insists you were the only one she has ever loved. You say aw shucks and pile into the old sixfour to go bail her out.

Since the daughter has been forcibly removed from her household by the state, she now has no one else around she can truly say she loves and so after an emotional plea (and some hot sex) you agree to move in with her. Several weeks of incredible sex follows. You can't believe how great things seem to have gotten. But, predictably, within a matter of weeks, screaming tirades and substance abuse become the norm. You lose your teaching job, your fiancee, and wind up spending what little money you have left on rehab sessions. With you broke, the tirades are nonstop and she finally disappears for a week. When she returns to clean out the place, you find out she has moved in with the Roto Rooter man.

Camera pulls away on your figure, convulsing in fetal position with laptop in dark corner of room with bottle of spilled fire water on the floor. Only partially conscious, you have just enough wits about you to type an entry into the journal...

"Baby and I had another misunderstanding today..." Fade out.

<end of satire>

Do you remember the Peanuts cartoon strip? There used to be this ongoing routine where Lucy would set up the football for Charlie Brown to kick and then she would pull it away at the last minute, causing poor Charlie to land flat on his back, wondering "why, why?". No matter how many times she did it, he always came back to try it again (maybe it was the hot sex?). And each time, Charlie knew that this time for sure it would be different and she wouldn't do it again. With predictable results.

So don't be a blockhead, Charlie.

Your Virtual Pal,
Jason

Monday May 17

I can't really even listen to Smooth Jazz anymore. It reminds me too much of the times when Lori and I would sit in the evenings and listen to Smooth Jazz on those cold, rainy Oregon nights. Like Two to Tango by Vanessa Daou. None of this means anything to Lori. Who really is Lori? She feels nothing. She feigns intimacy and emotion but she is only an empty shell. It's all an act. That's why she can move on so quickly. Only the anger is real. Lori does not know what love is. Has she shed one tear for me? Will she shed a tear for her daughter? Lori has never seriously apologized to anyone. She is not sorry for anything. She has no remorse. Therefore, she has no conscience. In psychological circles, this is called anti-social behavior. It's the hallmark of the criminal mind. Yet, she wants to be adored. Idolized and worshipped like a goddess. She wants to be loved and pampered beyond extreme. True narcissistic inclination. Why does she have these unrealistic expectations? That's why Lori commands attention. She wants the world to notice her. The world is her stage. This is her show. Perhaps she is too busy loving herself to really love another.

I have decided to remove the sensitive material from Regular One. It has no business there. I received anonymous e-mail that made me think about what I've been doing:

What do you think of the way I'm handling the situation so far?
You're handling it terribly, in my opinion. I don't know whether you're really unhappy or just exaggerating for literary effect. If the unhappiness is real, then my advice is as follows.

First, let's review your job/career situation, since any problems there are likely to spill over into other areas of your life. You're healthy, intelligent, have no major personality problems, have United States citizenship (go to the third world to see the importance of this), a college education, no criminal record or other major blots on your resume (at least to my knowledge). Given these facts, there is no question in my mind but that the reason you've had job problems is because you wanted to have problems. If you've ever been treated unfairly, it was because you chose to associate with those few people, of all the possible people available to associate with, who you knew would treat you unfairly. In other words, you have self-destructive tendencies.

The "sinister kahuna" you so frequently mention is yourself. There is a voice in your head which keeps telling you that you don't deserve to have a good job or a girlfriend. It really doesn't matter why this voice exists. What is important is that this voice will probably never completely disappear. You must therefore learn to cope with it. One approach is the frontal attack--another voice shouts the sinister kahuna voice down: "I DO DESERVE A GOOD JOB AND A GIRLFRIEND!" If the "sinister kahuna" voice were weak, this might work. People who have a desperate need to achieve in life, and who work like crazy to succeed, are examples of cases where a positive voice is trying to shout down a weaker negative voice.

Another approach to coping with the sinister kahuna is to give it the failure that it wants, so it will leave you alone. For example, underachieve instead of trying to obtain a job befitting your intelligence. Not underachieve as in homeless and unemployed, but underachieve as in holding a steady job doing something that doesn't take a lot of intelligence. The sinister kahuna will be satisfied: it says you don't deserve a good job, and the job you're holding isn't very good.

I can't speak for everyone, but my experience is that all the therapy and all the knowledge in the world won't make the sinister kahuna go away. When a person is cursed with a self-destructive streak, the best thing is often to just accept it and then work around it.

So much for job/money problems. Now let's talk about the situation with Lori.

First, you were wrong to ever put her picture in your journal, you were wrong to use her real first name if that's what Lori is, and you were wrong to give clues to her identity, such as names of real locations. And you should rectify these problems right this minute by modifying the journal archives. To be honest, if I were on a jury and she sued you for libel, I wouldn't hesitate to throw the book at you. Denouncing her in your journal to strangers who don't know her true identity is acceptable. As for her and your close friends, they probably already know many of the sordid details. What is not acceptable is when people who know Lori by appearance or name but who aren't close friends of hers (her co-workers, for example) are able to easily identify her as the subject of your journal. You are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, to be violating her privacy in this manner (and also the privacy of her daughter and various other people who are easily identified, I might add).

Second, while I don't know Lori other than by your biased description,  I believe there are some similarities between Lori and a number of women I've known over the years. If this is the case, then the thing to understand is that Lori isn't evil, but rather has a pretty nasty sinister kahuna of her own. On the one hand, she wants to be a whore, because there is a voice in her that says "You'll never be successful at anything but sex! All you're good for is being a whore!" (Since these voices typically are those heard during early childhood, God only knows what her upbringing was like.) Luckily for Lori, this voice doesn't seem to have pushed her into prostitution in the literal sense. But it does cause her to try to use men for money. The way she sometimes dangles sex before you and then yanks it away is, of course, typical of how whores act--sex is their product, after all, and you can't have a businessperson's product without paying, other than a few free samples to test the merchandise. But then there is another voice in her that says, "You're too stupid to even be a good whore!" This voice guarantees that she won't be successful at using men for money. She'll pick men who don't have much money, or who are savvy enough not to marry her or otherwise be plundered of their wealth. And even if she did manage to reap a windfall, by marrying some rich fool who then died and left her a fortune, she'd immediately figure out a way to lose this money. Once again, self-sabotage: "You're stupid and good for nothing and don't deserve to have money!" I suspect that the reason Lori was attracted to you was partly because you two share self-destructive tendencies (in other words, she really did have some decent feelings for you), and partly because she knew you were poor enough that when the sinister kahuna caused her to try to use you for money, there'd be no money to be gotten, and so she'd be both a whore and a failure as a whore, and thus her sinister kahuna would be doubly satisfied.

Third, things probably aren't going to be fixed between you two. One self-destructive person in a relationship is bad, but when two get together, the situation is typically hopeless. The right approach for you is to accept that you're going to botch most relationships with women due to your self-destructive tendencies, but that occasionally someone like Lori will fall into your lap (so to speak), for a while, and then will eventually go away. You should treat her like the kitty in the park that has since disappeared. (I doubt Lori killed this animal, incidentally.) You enjoyed it while it was around, and then it disappeared. Maybe the kitty gave you fleas, maybe it scratched you when you tried to pet it. Well, big deal. The suffering is minor compared to the pleasure you got. Really, having read your entire journal, including the underground journal, I fail to see where you've suffered any material loss due to Lori. Possibly you spent some money on her. Big deal. You've surely wasted far more money shipping that useless automobile of yours to Hawaii and then maintaining it there than you've ever spent on Lori. And you got quite a bit of pleasure from your four years with her. The pain is all emotional and it's all your fault, in my opinion. It's as silly to become enraged and unhappy at Lori's leaving you as to be enraged and unhappy at the kitty's leaving. It's as silly to be enraged that Lori sometimes gives sex and sometimes doesn't, as to be enraged that the kitty sometimes wants to be petted and sometimes doesn't.

Now, one last piece of advice. Be wary of the motivations of your advisors. Why am I advising you, for example? Some people advise to show off their psychological knowledge, others advise because they are looking for a punching bag. Because of your self-destructive tendencies, you probably attract quite a few advisors from this latter category. Such advisors will talk breezily about "playing the game" and "laying down the law with the babes" and "less talk and more action" and will give advice that is almost guaranteed to bring you to grief. It is as though they would encourage you to step forward, even when they know full well there is a spot of oil in front of you, which will cause you fall on your ass if you step forward. In some cases, these bad advisors are trying to shout down a sinister kahuna of their own, and it might be that your approach to life awakens self-doubts in them, so that they have to shout down your sinister kahuna as well as their own. Listen to the advice you receive, but listen skeptically. That goes for my advice as well as everyone else's. Even when people aren't deliberately giving bad advice, they may make mistakes simply because they don't know you well.

Paul called me today. I talked to him this morning but I was in the middle of one my classes. I called later in the afternoon and had a long chat with him. I'm now at the proverbial fork in the middle of the road. I have to make a decision whether I want to move back to the mainland or not. It won't be until September. Paul urged me to think carefully about this matter. One of his concerns has to do with Lori and how she is putting me through the wringer. I know that he's right.

While I was chatting with Paul, I saw Steph riding up the driveway on her bike with her friend Mele. She was selling tickets for a fundraiser for the canoe club. Huli Huli Chicken. Yum. Anyway, I was very happy to see her and I was relieved that she was not giving me the "silent treatment" as well. Lori apparently wasn't home yet so Steph was out and about. I doubt that her mother would have been too happy knowing that Steph came by to see me. I said goodbye for a final time. She seemed to be a little sad. In the aftermath of this debacle, a small miracle has occurred. Goodbye Steph. I wish you the best.

Tuesday May 18

As was to be expected, Lori appeared and disappeared like a thief in the night. Paul said that I should expect these encounters to continue. It's a game of torture for the person who allegedly did her wrong. Paul went further to say that his intuition tells him that the intensity of this game will increase once Steph leaves for Oregon. I shuddered to even think about it. When I saw Steph last night, I asked her, "Is your mother going to miss you?" She replied, "I can't tell one way or the other." A small maternal part of Lori will miss Steph but it will not be able to overcome the dominant part of her personality. I believe that Steph likes it here in Hawai'i. She has made a few friends and she probably likes the lifestyle. I just don't think that her family life with her mother was cutting it. Sad.

I called the consulting firm in Seattle. There is some interest and the earliest openings will be in September. That buys me a little time to decide what to do, just in case the opportunity comes up. Paul thinks that it's a good idea if I get away from Hawai'i for a while. One of the math professors has passed my name onto the coordinator for the math department. There are current openings for professors at the university. Hey, I don't mind teaching math. I hate to admit that my primary motivation is the dough. Perhaps I've assimilated to Lori's thinking. Yet, I'm not a spender. I have not bought anything except my new V.90 modem and fire water. I want to get ahead while I can and live comfortably in my golden years.

You know, I was more than happy to give up my freedom for Lori. I would have married her and I would have let her spend every dime we both made on her stuff and probably her drugs, too. My time of unemployment (read: time of reckoning) may have been a blessing in disguise. Lori had no desire to wait for me to get on my feet again. Even when I was just starting to recover, she decided it was over. She kept saying that I didn't have the tenacity to put up with crap from her for nine months as she did with me. Is that what it is? Is she trying to see if I can last through nine months of torture? I don't think she realizes that she didn't go through a whole lot when I was unemployed. She hardly saw me and she was too busy enjoying her newfound, albeit short-lived, wealth to even notice.

The whole thing is too strange. Paul made an interesting point in e-mail:

You are still taking this way to personally. She will pass on her misery to all those around her. She will punish guys directly, but look what she does to her daughter. Get a clue, you didn't matter there and never will. The program is about pain, and until she has had enough and decides to let it go she will spill it over on all those around her.

Wednesday May 19

The mysterious encounters still have me baffled. The sages have told me that there are two possiblities. One is that I have something Lori wants. What could that be? There are a few options and money isn't one of them. It could be something to do with the computer. Perhaps she needs another résumé made. I have constructed her résumés for her since I've known her. Or, maybe my old computer is not working right. Perhaps she needs me to do the yardwork. The other possibility is more likely. She needs a punching bag. Maybe life is not going right for her and she needs someone to take it out on. Someone to blame.

However, I thwarted the attempt by not playing into her script. She had worked out the dialog already. She had me figured from my prior behavior. I was supposed to call her up almost immediately and set up some kind of date. She would either ask the favor of me then, as if I really owed her any. Or, she would slam me. In any case, it would have been a no-win scenario for me. So, she will disappear for a while again only to resurface with a new plan of attack. That's what I'm afraid of. And, scar (scar@idirect.com) wrote:

I have found that a kind of internal resove is the only recourse for such a situation Your blinding hurt and sense of betrayal make any encounter where you try to "take today's warmth and Mata Hari reading" a set-up. Either she's somewhat accessible but unpredictable, or stonily refusing to acknowledge your troubles together- each is fodder for self-doubt and bile.You're still hooked in when your strategize to 'neutralize' someone you're still broodingly preoccupied with. The "who was/is playing what game"; all this falls short of the freedom from inluence that comes from truly resolving to give up.

If you see her. If she waves. If she doesn't. If she proposes a meal. You don't acknowledge beyond a minimum response, meant to convey "keep clear. I am in need of no shit, thanks." You decline any overtures to time together or conversation (then no need to be stung when she acts like nothing's ever been wrong.)

You're still feeling her out, to the extent of formulating  grave diagnostic suppositions. I have no idea what she's up to, but it doesn't matter if you decide it doesn't and committ to yourself to put these regular 'reads' to an end.

Maybe she's very narcissistic. Or personality disordered. But you have a conitinuing investment in figgering it out. It keeps you bound and in ruminative torment. You can rest easier in an unconditional commitment to end ongoing engagement or connection of any sort. Walk away.

Unless there is still hope of recocnciliation tugging at yer noodle? Contain that too.

I found it helpful to remind myself that I now have more of a relationship with the clerk at my Shop-and-Stop than I do to her. And that's how it will stay.

Thursday May 20

Once again, it looks as though the coast is clear, as it were. Yet another strange encounter comes to a close. I realize now that Lori was feebly attempting to put the ball in my court. Remember that she said, "Don't wait too long. I may not be here." It will be a long wait for I do not feel that it's my duty to initiate contact. Strangely, I found out that Lori now has Caller ID. She has never had that service before. I hope she didn't subscribe to the service just to see if I was calling. Perhaps she became paranoid that Chris was calling to check on her or that he had hired a private investigator. Or, maybe one of her dates is stalking her. Who is to say? When you play with fire, you are surely going to get burned.

Finally, one comment about the e-mail quoted on May 17th. I don't agree that I have wronged Lori with my public journal. She cannot sue me for libel because I did not intentionally present false information. She cannot sue me for slander because I did not willfully and maliciously try to smear her character. For all intents and purposes, Lori did me an injustice by not stating outright that she disagreed with any of the commentary since she was allegedly reading it all along. In effect, this is a large scale version of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Once an observer is added to the system, there is additional energy added and, therefore, it causes a bias in the observation process. Of course, that applies to a molecular level, where even a small trace of light used to observe a molecular particle can introduce enough energy to change the actual position of the particle. Hence, the uncertainty. Once Lori read the journal in a clandestine fashion, there was no way she could not be biased by what she read. Her subsequent interactions with me would always reflect that bias and fuel further conflict. It does not take a genius to figure this out. Her objectivity was lost in her quest to discover my true "jerk" nature. Not having learned this simple lesson, she continues to toy with me to seek an answer to a question she has yet to determine.

Friday May 21

After I got of the gym yesterday, I went to Mango's. I got hammered and for good reason. Well, I thought it was a good reason. In actuality, Mango's was one of the reasons I had to go to Mango's, if you know what I mean. I have been shooting myself in the foot with my own sorry behavior. I am on the verge of losing my teaching assignments because I simply am incompetent. I have let my personal life interfere with my so-called professional life. Now, I am paying the price. If that wasn't enough, I got out in time to catch the last express bus. Lori was at the bus stop. So, I ended up talking with her. I kept my distance, psychologically speaking. She told me about her job situation. She feels that she will be terminated from the Account Executive position in a few days. She blamed it on "office politics." She is having a major problem with a subordinate who is allegedly "sleeping with the second-in-command." I'm not saying anything else. I'm just telling the story as I heard it. So, the subordinate allegedly has a bit more power than she should have. Lori went above her head to try to remedy the situation. Oddly, I heard the voices of the sages in the back of my head.

We talked for most of the 40-minute trip home. There was a lot of the same old stuff discussed. Old baggage. Lori is still singing the same tune about how I failed to heed the warning signs that eventually led to the demise of our relationship. "Why didn't you see all of that when I was still in love with you?" It's a good thing I was hammered. I averted any and all old landmines. She even went so far to insinuate that it was I who was maintaining the "silent treatment" beyond what it should have been. Say what? Whose idea was it to intitiate the "silent treatment" in the first place. So, I went home and dropped back a few more brewskis and played with my new beloved cell phone.

Lori mentioned how she was dating several guys other than Balding Bill. As for Balding Bill, he's "not really marriagable," Lori said. She added that he was "a really fun guy." She went on to tell me how selective she was about her dating and how busy she was. Whee! Wow, if only I could lead such a life. As we can all probably guess, the end of this pathetic tale is not yet in sight. Could the sages have been correct about all of this again? Nonetheless, Lori told me that she was very happy with being single. Yet, she mentioned that she missed me and thought about me all the time.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. I played into this scripted scenario as best as I could predict what Lori wanted. However, I made sure that I remained emotionally detached. She wanted to know why I was ignoring her. I assumed that she meant that I haven't called her. I have not seen her around in a few days to even bother to ignore her. I have no idea what she is up to. Even the sages can only guess. If she is so happy, then I fail to see why she needs me for anything. "Well, can we get on with our friendship?" she asked at one point. I wasn't the one who decided the friendship was over for good. And, wasn't it just last week that she said that it would be "a long time before [she] could trust [me] again" to be friends (see V.8)? The contradictions abound.

She also related to me that she hasn't been drinking much but she had seven brewskis on Wednesday. Apparently, Lori and Alexis were dropping back a few brewskis while she helped Alexis draft a resignation letter. Alexis has wanted to quit working for a long time. Her husband Tim makes enough dough for them to survive comfortably. Later, Lori ended up at The Shack. Where was Steph? Lori is sure livin' large, eh? Alexis is definitely Lori's model of a great life. Lori is now cussing profusely in her everyday dialogue. You know I'm impressed. Of course, Alexis' marriage is Lori's idea of a perfect marriage. To me, it's just a step above the trailer park mentality. More to come.

To be continued ... Go to V.10