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The Year of Living Dangerously
Clear and Present Danger
Note: This volume has been edited beyond recognition.
Sunday January 26, 2003
Shirley called and left a message last night. I was not in a socializing mood, so I did not call back. I sent her a short e-mail this morning. I did a little research on Barlow lenses, only to discover that the standard Barlow is useless to me. I will return the Barlow to Stellarvue and also request a reimbursement of the excess shipping charges. This will be my last interaction with the firm. I have not been able to use my telescope because there have been few nights with clear skies. I expect too see a noticeable improvement with my new mirror star diagonal.
I had to drive my six-four to City Mill to purchase a new flapper valve for one of the commodes. Then, I walked over to Burger King, which is right next door. I ordered a Whopper, but I forgot to ask for it my way! The Whoppers are not 99 cents here. The damned thing cost me $2.49 instead. When I returned home, I savored the taste of the Whopper. It has been months since I've had one. The Whopper was delicious, but I won't be paying that outrageous price again.
The walk to the gym was pleasant. Traffic was light. The parking lot in Koko Marina was almost empty. So, I did not have to dodge all the cars like I normally do. All of the dickheads were home watching the Super Bowl. I did not really enjoy my workout. What I am noticing is that I am constantly in a bad way. I have been trying to figure out what is the problem. I have a feeling that it's the babe situation once again. Then again, I haven't heard from my doctor concerning the prostate cancer screening.
Aunty Faye passed away this afternoon. She was admitted into St. Francis Hospital sometime earlier today because she wasn't feeling well. Uncle Tosh and Aunty Maria were going to visit tonight, but somehow Uncle Tosh couldn't wait. So, they went to the hospital earlier. Aunty Faye apparently suffered a sudden heart attack while they were all chatting. The end came quickly. I will be spending the evening with my iBook and my Bose Acoustic Wave. The skies are completely clouded over.
Monday January 27
An uneventful day. I sent e-mail to Stellarvue. I will be sending the Barlow lens back to be exchanged. The "shorty" Barlow is on its way now, along with a reimbursement for the excess shipping cost. Vic, the owner, has bent over backwards to assist me. Perhaps sometime in the future I will order a telescope from him. Who knows? My favorite Asian babe was at the gym this afternoon, not that it matters. My workout was mediocre, at best. I had to stand up for most of the ride home on the express bus. For some reason, it was crowded. I thought about Aunty Faye. I have never really known her. I was a toddler when I last saw her before she departed for the mainland. She was in Reno for as along as I can remember. I recall receiving gifts from her. One noteworthy gift was a scrapbook. I saved it for the longest time. I stored it away when I moved to the mainland. On several trips home, I took the scrapbook out and perused it. However, one year I decided to divest myself of everything. Sound familiar? The scrapbook developed a moldy smell by then, most likely because of the humidity. I should have kept the scrapbook. I only saw my aunt twice since she moved back to Hawai'i. Now, I will never see her again.
I had a chance to ponder the babe situation as well. It's clear to me that biology (read da wild thing) is the issue, and always has been. I am better off as a monk. Anonder hit the nail on the head when he stated, "When desire for a mate is weak, or is offset by a conflicting desire to remain single, then even a slight obstacle or a slight imperfection in a potential mate may tip the balance, from wanting to not wanting, and serve as an excuse to abandon all efforts and declare the situation hopeless." I already know that, no matter how alone I feel, no babe is going to make a difference. Not many people realize this about themselves. Thus, they go through endless heartache in search of something that is totally unattainable.
Shirley called. We ended up chatting for over two hours. I have not been in a socializing mood, but I realize that isolation is not always healthy. My priority should be to keep babes as friends. A clear night sky is all that I need. That's probably why I have been on the edge. I have not had a chance to really survey the universe. That's where the answers are.
Tuesday January 28
The sky cleared up before 9pm last night. I took my telescope outside for about 45 minutes. I did not notice much of a difference between the mirror star diagonal and the original prism diagonal. However, the sky was a bit hazy and the light pollution was somewhat high. A larger telescope would probably allow me to see more deep sky objects, but I doubt that the resolution or contrast would be any better. I won't need another telescope for a long time. It is fascinating to see the sky full of dots of light. Each is a huge sun, possibly billions of miles away. The purpose of the universe is unclear to me. However, it does not exist for the benefit of humans. The laws of physics apply to the universe, just as it does on earth. The law of conservation of energy therefore applies. Yet, can we even begin to understand the quantity of energy dissipated by all of those fiery orbs? It truly is mind boggling.
Nothing noteworthy happened at either the Asylum or the Diploma Mill, which is good. As I checked in at the front desk at the gym, I did not notice that my favorite Asian babe was behind me. I only realized that when I was descending the stairway and saw her a few feet behind me. The highlight of my workout was when baby was doing bar dips about four feet in front of me while I was on the deltoid machine. Does she do this deliberately? All I can is say that baby is quite firm. Sheesh! I sent the Barlow off by mail today to Stellarvue. The rains have started up again, so I won't be perusing the night sky. I need to to relax because the sight of my favorite Asian babe doing bar dips in front of me was rather unnerving. If only there was a way that I could hook up with her, I keep thinking. Then again, remember that Chimpo had set me straight on this matter. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
Wednesday January 29
Another uneventful day. Kevin has been utilizing his "agents" to dig up more dirt at the Asylum. I saw Professor Marv for the first time in a while. He has slimmed down quite a bit. I told him that he looked really good. Then, he confided that his weight loss was because of his bout with cancer. Apparently, it was in a very late stage. He went through radiation therapy and chemotherapy simultaneously. I had to think about that for a moment. Professor Marv is about my age. In the last year, I have been exposed to constant reminders of my own mortality. One would think that the latter would be enough incentive for the ol' lavahead to snap into action. Apparently not.
After my class, I went to the gym. I did a short workout today. My favorite Asian babe was there. The only guy she ever converses with is some old stud. He's the gym's unofficial ambassador. He chats with every babe in the gym. I was on the lat machine when baby and the Ambassador ended up about three feet away from me. "I'll probably be in here three times a day pretty soon," she said. For some reason, baby was talking loudly. There appears to be some kind of problem where she is working. I only did a ten-minute cardio workout, so that I could take the first express bus out of town. My favorite Asian babe was still in the meathead room when I left. She was once again chatting with the Ambassador. Baby was looking really fine.
When I returned home, I spent some time ruminating about the babe situation. Why does it keep coming back like a bad sitcom? I already know that I am monk material. Nothing more, nothing less. I cannot be in any kind of relationship with a babe except casual friendships. That is why I spend decades both single and celibate. I am obviously not driven enough to change any of that. Hence, my true inclination is to remain a monk. What is really strange is that Pseudo-professor Robert and John claim that they never meet any babes. Well, they meet babes, but none are hotties, or so they say. I don't meet a lot of babes either, but somehow I do meet and befriend a few and they usually are hotties. Maybe they sense that I am a harmless monk. What else could it be?
Thursday January 30
Kevin is now desperately trying to find another job. He is fed up with the situation at the Asylum. He has been pressuring me to do the same. I have initiated the "doughnut exam" in my programming class. It's a small class of maybe eight students. Most of them have boycotted the classwork. I would be forced to fail them, if it were not for the shenanigans of the Roach regime. In addition, almost every class is a total joke, so these students can never become motivated. I sympathize with them, and I am no longer going to fail students unless they have blatantly disregarded all the rules. So, for my next exam, each student must bring doughnuts to class. The quality of the doughnuts determines the grade. In my other classes, I am using a computerized "live application" exam called SimNet. I have chosen the easiest modules to insure that my students pass with decent grades. Should I feel bad about this? Not really. The majority of students have very long learning curves, primarily because their reading and comprehension skills are extremely poor. The classes that supposedly address these issues are a farce.
With each passing day, I realize the futility of everything. In all honesty, I can say that my existence is seemingly worthless. I searched for meaning, but there was none. Then, I realized that I have accomplished one thing that has given me some sense of meaning — I have completed the circle of life. I returned to Hawai'i to pay homage to my parents, the source of my own life. This is what has given me purpose. There are days that I wonder about what will happen next. Sometimes I fear what the future will bring. That is when I become weak and believe I need a babe to keep me company. When I am not devoid of inner strength, I am confident of my future life as a monk. If I continue to ponder the misery that humans subject on one another, I will lapse into a deep depression. It is only when I considered the vast expanse of the universe that I realized how none of us can affect the Master Plan, no matter how powerful we think we are. That is, of course, what finally made King Solomon declare, "Everything is vanity!" in the Book of Ecclesiastes. As always, no matter how hard we try, we come full circle back to the beginning.
Friday January 31
At the Asylum, another student passed the "doughnut exam." I am beginning to wind down the term, even though there is a month left. Kevin ia also doing the same. At the Diploma Mill, I had a disturbing chat with Pseudo-professor Jim. He provided me with rhetoric that sounded exactly like the crap spewed from Shrub. "You're a warhawk," I told him. My guess is that he has been proselytizing this propaganda to his students. Let me make my position clear — if Shrub and his handlers would just come out and say that the purpose of their "war" is to secure Iraqi oil, then I would have more respect for them. The incessant lying by these mealy-mouthed politicians makes me ill. This particular style of lying has become extremely fashionable in all circles. Pseudo-professor Jim then made some feeble point about how the animal kingdom is often more violent than humans. I am not sure how an educated guy can make such a foolish assertion. Only humans have committed mass genocide, even though the latter possesses the faculties to prevent such atrocities. In general, people have lost touch with reality. Reality is simply what programming is on the tube right now. Those who cry the loudest for war and blood are usually the ones who have never seen the real action. War to them is nothing more than another spectator sport. It is time for me to read Viktor Frankl's book again. Each time that I read his treatise, "Man's Search for Meaning," I come away with an understanding of how little has changed in the course of human history.
Although Pseudo-professor Jim lives a mendicant life, he is a slave to the tube. He always talks about some program or another. He even admitted that he was addicted to the original "Survivor" series. Eliminating the tube from my own life has set me free. Propaganda saturates the passive mind much easier and short-circuits the critical thinking process. Although Adolph Hitler is often personified as the devil himself, he did not act alone. Those who followed him, willingly and unwillingly, and committed the various atrocities are equally guilty. In clinical psychology, this is called "anti-social" behavior — the lack of emotion or remorse upon committing aberrant or immoral acts. The contemporary "values" in modern consumerist societies have usurped traditional values. Now, anything goes. It is obvious now that I have no time to think about babes. My purpose is becoming clearer.
Saturday February 1
I spent most of the evening reading Frankl's book again. Each and every reading is as gripping as the last. The sounds of the psychotic classical pieces emanated from my Bose Acoustic Wave. The night sky was only partially clear. I stepped outside briefly to decide whether it was a telescope kind-of-a-night. No dice. I experienced a weak moment during the evening when I pondered why I was wasting my life away in my favorite chair. I could be spending time with a babe instead. These weak moments whittle away at the psyche and wreak havoc with what little resolve that I have left. Later, I lapsed into a coma in my favorite chair. I came to at one o' clock this morning.
My cheap "shorty" Barlow arrived today along with a check for the excess shipping charges. This will be the last expenditure for my telescope. So far, I have only taken my telescope outside three times. The sky has been cloudy every night. It is beginning to look like a bad investment. I walked to the gym and ended up only doing a cardio workout. Some dickhead felt that he had exclusive rights to the lat machine. Although the asswipe was not even on the machine, he left his towel draped across the seat. I should have just thrown it aside. He probably would have flexed his arms to show me how puny I am. Then, I would have thrown him over the balcony. This is an example of the kind of stupidity which has become intolerable. No one has any consideration for anyone else.
Moms called the dolt file clerk this evening. I have been observing how moms has been deeply confiding with the dolt. What is drastically wrong is that moms never seems to converse with her own son, Mr. Turd. I've been around long enough to recognize insincerity, a trait so blatantly obvious in the dolt. Moms is too gullible and, therefore, the dolt file clerk capitalizes on that weakness. I have less than two years before the Ninja Turds move in and claim "their" home. Of course, it could happen as early as this year. The sinister kahuna has been working overtime to give me grief. My new pay scale took effect, and I now make $280 less (after taxes) each month. So far, I've been tempted (in my mind) by Mary Ann, and my favorite Asian babe, all of whom are well beyond my grasp. The prophesy continues to unfold.
Sunday February 2
There was a brief moment of clear skies last night, so I took my telescope outside. I used my cheap "shorty" Barlow. It seems to work, but the results were mediocre. I also learned of the space shuttle tragedy late last night since I do not have a tube. What perturbed me the most was that, initially, the mainstream media was poised to blame the event on "terrorists." These shills need to separate themselves from their political beliefs in times of tragedy.
The day was uneventful. I relaxed for most of the morning. I walked to the gym later in the afternoon. After I returned, I took my telescope outside to try my Barlow on terrestrial views. I aimed the telescope to the top of Koko Crater using my regular 25mm eyepiece. Then, I switched to the 10mm eyepiece with the Barlow. The resolution was good enough to see the details of the ceramic insulators on one of the old power lines. However, this may mean absolutely nothing when applied to astronomical views. I assume that the Barlow is lossy because it is cheap. The skies were clear this afternoon. I may spend some portion of the evening outside with my telescope. The rest of the evening will be spent with my iBook and my Bose Acoustic Wave.
Monday February 3
The clouds came in fairly quickly after sunset last night. However, I managed to spend about an hour outside with my beloved telescope. I still have no idea what I am looking at since I have yet to make a reasonable correlation with my star charts. What really amazes me is the sheer number of stars out there. The day was uneventful. I did an extremely short workout at the gym. When I returned home, I called my physician because I had not heard anything about my last battery of tests (read: prostate cancer screening). Everything is fine, thank goodness.
Moms is leaving early tomorrow on the express bus to town. Then, moms must transfer to the CityExpress bound for Pearlridge. From there, Aunty Maria and Uncle Tosh will pick her up. They are going to the funeral for Aunty Faye in Mililani. The service will be small, with only family members huddled around the grave site. My cousin Eric, who is a minister, will preside. Since she did not have much money nor did she have a burial plan, Aunty Faye will only have an "economy class" funeral. No that it matters. As I discovered after pops' passing, money is all that matters especially when it comes to memorial services. It's a total joke. That's probably why I have never really gone through any kind of bereavement. I was too sickened by the used car sales techniques at the mortuary.
I am preparing my tax returns, but this has been a difficult year. Since I received a retroactive State tax refund for two different years, I am uncertain whether it must be included as income. I received a 1099-G form for each. I have to go back and forth between various documents because the IRS just can't seem to put everything in one publication. Assuming that I do not have to include the refunds as income, I expect to get $800 back. Of course, I owe that mainly to the capital loss that I incurred after closing one of my mutual funds. I am determined to make the goal of my five-year plan no matter what happens.
Tuesday February 4
This morning, Bug sat in my class for the fourth time this term. I was late, and all of my students arrived late as well. I made no attempt to impress the miserable insect, so there will be ample reason to deny me a pay raise. Frankly, I don't care. The students were also offended by Bug's gestapo tactics. Kevin is also fed up with the harassment that we've had to tolerate now for over a year. I am also just about ready to wipe that kabuki mask smirk off of Bug's face with the back of my hand. The rest of the day was uneventful. When I finished my class at the Diploma Mill, I walked over to the beauty college to restore my monk haircut. A nice Korean babe cut my hair today. "Is anything wrong?" she asked. Apparently, it was fairly evident that I was in a bad way. I went to the gym to do my usual mediocre workout. My favorite Asian babe was there. Sometimes I wish that I could muster up the courage to approach her and make a damned fool of myself. Alas, I am merely a monk.
Each and every day now, I ponder my future. Moms attended Aunty Faye's funeral. I keep wondering what will happen once moms is gone. Some nights, I just can't sleep. That's another reason why I began looking into the night sky for answers. Last night, I walked out in the back yard to look into the heavens. It was the first time that I noticed the Milky Way. It has always been there and is visible with the naked eye. Yet, I have never noticed it before. I have got to become proactive about my future. Will I happy remaining a monk for the rest of my life? If not, I have to snap into action. There have been opportunities, albeit remote, with a few babes. Of course, Chimpo would be laughing his fat ass off if he read the latter. He knows that I should be watching endless hurdy-gurdies and chokin' da chicken, just like him. The bottom line is that I am completely confused and totally locked in stasis due to what I call "uncertainties." In fact, I am uncertain about what exactly are these "uncertainties." Sheesh!
Wednesday February 5
Once again, everything is coming to a head at the Asylum. It all started a few days ago when Keir, one of my students, returned to class after a long hiatus. He had already told me that he would miss a few classes because of work and because his grandmother was ill. However, he had exceeded what I could justify, especially if questioned by Roach or Bug. He had spoken with Lisa, the Student Services coordinator. Lisa allegedly said that it was perfectly fine for him to return to his classes, and that it was up to each instructor to make the judgment call. Naturally, this does not coincide with campus policy. I was previously called to the mat concerning this matter during Roach's yelling tirade last May. I told Keir to get this in writing because it was highly irregular. Keir approached Lisa about the matter. She then changed her story, but refused to put anything in writing. Keir then went through the chain of command, seeing Bug first. Bug would not provide anything in writing, but offered to speak personally with any of his instructors. I told Keir that I could not accept that. He then went to see Roach. The asswipe told Keir that the issue has "nothing to do with the attendance policy." He made some obtuse remark about it being "another issue." Bug attempted to call an impromptu meeting with both Kevin and I as we were leaving. I saw Roach duck into his office just prior. This is his usual modus operandi these days. Both Kevin and I deferred the meeting until tomorrow, since it was fairly obvious that a yelling tirade was in the works. I decided to call Vivian, the human resources person, late in the afternoon when I returned home. I talked with her for an hour and agreed to submit written documentation to assist in her investigation. I learned that Milton had never submitted a statement as he claimed. In fact, no one has submitted a statement of any kind out for fear of reprisals from Roach. In addition, I provided Vivian with other information, including denied pay raises, which I suspect were discriminatory. Vivian warned me to avoid the meeting until she could be present. I called Kevin and described my conversation with Vivian in detail. I also urged him to submit written documentation of his own.
Earlier, I had gone to see Mary Ann at the Diploma Mill. Mary Ann had already told me in e-mail that she talked to Vivian about Roach. She also mentioned that Roach had once told her, "I don't understand why people who aren't happy here just stay here." This "happiness" issue is an obsession with the [rectum]. My guess is that the person who is truly unhappy is Roach himself.
Vivian also filled me in about the disparity in pay raises. She said that Roach is building a case to terminate me based on my "attitude." He and Bug had approached Vivian this afternoon about this matter. So, Kevin is safe. The real problem is that I won't kiss Roach's ass. That's what is bugging him. I am surprised that Vivian knew just about everything that has been going on. She knew that Roach was attempting to expand his empire where he has no jurisdiction. She even knew about the rumors concerning Roach and Lisa. Vivian has been trying to build a case, but no one has come forward, that is, until now. "All I want is to be able to work in peace until the end of the year," I told her. That's the end of my five-year plan. However, that may no longer be possible, Yet, I cannot sit and do nothing while this megalomaniac ruins the lives that he comes into contact with. His trusted sidekick Bug is equally involved. Let us hope that justice prevails.
Thursday February 6
I had to spend several hours last night hastily preparing more written documentation to submit to Vivian. That asswipe Roach is wasting a lot of my precious time. I neglected to mention that I was able to sit outside on Tuesday night and look at the stars with my telescope. I spent most of the time perusing the Milky Way. I cannot express how relaxing that benign activity can be.
I arrived late at the Asylum this morning. Traffic was bad because there was some heavy rain. Roach was furious. He began acting irrationally, demanding that I meet with him at 12:30pm. However, I had a class at the Diploma Mill. He told me that it was my obligation to stay. He was trying to flex his puny arms to force me to jeopardize my position at the Diploma Mill. I am almost too tired to relate the rest of the sordid tale because I have spent all evening revising my statement. Vivian has already initiated the investigation. As of tomorrow, those of us who are involved cannot directly communicate with Bug and Roach. As for the meeting, it went well. Roach was on good behavior, but I was not fooled. If Vivian had not been there, he would have launched into a yelling tirade. I'm afraid that someone would have had to call the paramedics after that because I would have cleaned his clock. The prophesy continues to unfold.
Friday February 7
The statement that I submitted was riddled with typographical errors. I was too tired to care. I also asked a few students to submit statements of their own. Kevin submitted his statement yesterday, and he has also been urging students and staff members to do the same as well. I am now trying to find more testimony concerning Bug because she is the weakest link. If there is enough to make Bug crack, then she may turn on Roach. Raelynn told me that Bug had asked specific questions about my class yesterday. Raelynn is in the class that Bug made a "visitation" on Tuesday. She now work part-time at the Asylum. Roach has been putting on a good act. He appeared confident and cheerful. My guess is that he is ready to explode.
That megalomaniac Shrub is determined to go to war. In the meantime, North Korea is upping the ante. I have my own private war to deal with, mainly because of that megalomaniac Roach. I did a quick workout at the gym and departed on the first express bus. I will spend the evening with my iBook and my Bose Acoustic Wave. I may even spend an hour outside with my beloved telescope. Looking at the stars humbles me. I am reminded of how puny I am and how much punier Roach is. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa!
Saturday February 8
I cannot believe how fatigued I am. I lapsed in and out of a coma for most of the morning. Later, I walked to the gym. I stopped at the public library to pick up some tax forms. I did my usual workout at the gym. In the last few days, I have not been able to to do much since I was pressed for time to submit the completed documentation to Vivian. I completed my tax returns, so they are ready to go. As it stands, I will get the full refund.
I sent e-mail to Kevin. I mentioned that Bug did not have that kabuki mask smile plastered on her face yesterday. She will remain loyal to Roach and perhaps even lie for him. Roach, as I have already proven, is willing to perjure himself or use the "unable to recollect" excuse in order to save his sorry ass. I am not placing a lot of faith in this process. What happens to Roach is really dependent on the Asylum's president and her perception of his worth versus the liability he presents. Since the "independent" investigator is on Asylum payroll, I cannot expect an objective review. I also warned Kevin that our protection is limited. Roach will use his other minions to be his eyes and ears. He has to discredit us. It is my guess that Roach will get away with this, and we will be afforded protection until the end of Summer at the latest. After that, there will be a surprise for both Kevin and I. Documentation will mysteriously appear which will result in our termination or being reduced to about two classes. My perception is that the Asylum's president needs Roach. Alas, Roach is a manipulator. He has persuaded her that he has a high level of expertise and that the success of the Asylum rests solely upon his extensive program development (which is a sham, as any fool can see). However, that dependency has already been established. Roach has probably made things looks as though he is in the critical stages of his "master plan," and therefore any disruption would cause its ultimate failure. In that regard, Kevin and I will be seen as more expendable than Roach.
I was not able to sit outside with my telescope last night. I was just too tired. It was also a bit cold outside. I may try to sit outside with my telescope later tonight. Otherwise, I will spend the evening with my beloved iBook again. Sheesh!
Sunday February 9
Shirley called last night. We chatted for two hours. Sometimes we really have some stupid discussions. We talked about mochi ice cream, threesomes, and some cute guys whom she noticed. She also told me about a Middle Eastern guy who appears to have a crush on her. She is not interested in him. I told her that I met a Middle Eastern babe recently and that she's a hottie. "Why don't you ask her out?" she asked. "Because I'm a monk," I replied. At the end of conversation, she asked, "Did you miss me?" I said that I might have. "You missed me? I knew you did. That's sweet," she said. The sky was not clear so I was not able to view the stars.
I spent most of the day composing an addendum to my initial statement. I will submit it tomorrow to Vivian at the Asylum. I am now launching my attack on Bug and Lisa (the Student Services coordinator). I will solicit more student testimony to supplement my statement. I am going to try to weaken Bug to make her crack. Lisa is probably carrying on an affair with Roach, just like the old days with Maria. He is a womanizer, that I am certain of. I have to make Lisa crack as well. Then, they will turn on Roach. Kevin is primarily focusing his strategy on Roach. Hopefully, justice will prevail. I walked to the gym and did a cardio workout. I really needed it. Tomorrow, I return to the salt mines for more fun and games.
Monday February 10
I tried to submit my addendum this morning, only to discover that the rules have all changed. Vivian has sold out. She said that she can no longer discuss the matter because it is in the hands of the "investigator." However, she is now the intermediary for the administration. Say what? Roach was extremely happy today. He was practically dancing. Riz from Student Services came into my class to take a picture of the class "to use up some remaining film." She took a picture of Darryln, Maychelle, Rina together. That's it. Darryln was one of the students who submitted a statement. Coincidence? I doubt it. Kevin and I suspect that the Asylum's president has colluded with Roach over the weekend, and they are now merely going through the motions. The "investigator" was contracted from a security guard firm. The whole thing is now a complete joke. Kevin and I already know what's going to happen. The investigation will yield nothing. Even if the serious problems are exposed, they will be swept under the rug. The Asylum's president will suggest regular meetings for all of us so we can increase communications. Concurrently, they will be plotting our demise. I suspect that our class load will be reduced commencing Summer term. By Fall, they will force us out, just like what happened to Mike. It's all very predictable.
I called Kevin when I returned home. He has decided to resign at the end of the term, which is the end of this month. He wants me to resign with him. I am trying to persuade him to stay on until the end of Spring or Summer. If I resign now, I will be in dire straits financially. In addition, I will not achieve the goal of my five-year plan. I also want to use some of my health plan benefits first, because I will not have a health plan when I resign. And, I will not be able to afford the coverage. For now, Kevin's mind appears to be made up. "The only way I'll stay on is if Roach is fired," he said. "And, that's not going to happen." He's right. I will let Kevin calm down and then I will try to reason with him again. He is absolutely correct that we must quit at the same time for full effect. I just don't think that we should do that now. I surmise that, even if Kevin resigns at the end of the month, I will stay on at least for another term. I am trying to negotiate for another Summer math class at the Diploma Mill. If the latter comes to fruition, then I will leave at the end of Spring term. We are both not planning to give the Asylum the courtesy of a two-week notice. I plan to quit right after I have the last paycheck in my hands.
So, the Asylum is a complete mess. The Diploma Mill is like an oasis to me. I am mailing my tax returns tomorrow. Lord knows I am going to need the dough. As usual, the sky is completely overcast. There have been a total of four clear nights since I purchased my telescope. So far, this new year has given me nothing but grief, although I already knew that was going to happen.
Tuesday February 11
When I first saw Kevin at the Asylum this morning, he looked miserable. "I saw Wayne this morning," he said. "He asked if I was leaving. He saw an ad in the Sunday paper. They are looking for a computer graphics instructor." Wayne betrayed Kevin a long time ago. He is Roach's good buddy. What really bugs Kevin in the fact that he and Wayne are both Buddhist and they go to the same temple. My take on the matter is that religion does not guarantee righteousness. We live in a world driven by greed and corruption. Religion is often used as a cloak for the worst perpetrators. It has taken me a long time to learn that the guiding principle of all religions is based on living a modest life. As I divested myself of almost all of my worldly possessions, I became more cognizant of the meaning of life. I am down to the bare essentials, one of which is my Orion telescope. Gradually, I will divest my technology toys, that is, anything requiring power.
The rest of the day was uneventful. I went to the gym. I haven't seen my favorite Asian babe for about a week, which is fine. When I returned home, there was a message from the "investigator." He's some clown from a security guard company. That really proves what a farce this whole thing has turned into. Kevin and I attended the faculty meeting today. No one can even look me in the eye, including the Asylum's president. Roach is the only person who is ridiculously happy. That's because he knows something that we don't. My guess is that the Asylum's president colluded with Roach. She has set up this farce of an "investigation" just to eliminate any possibility of litigation. I checked the Sunday classifieds and the ad was indeed there. However, the Asylum is soliciting two computer instructors. I surmise that the ad was placed on Friday, right after our meetings with Roach and Bug. Respondents are to contact Bug, according to the ad. The Asylum's president, Roach, and Vivian must all know about the ad. Therefore, we already know the outcome of the "investigation." So, if we don't resign at the end of the month, we will squeezed out by the end of Summer.
Several of my students have looked into the technology programs at one of the community colleges, actually the same one that I worked at. There is a really good program there. Two students drove to the campus and returned with information. They are going to start telling everyone. Most of these students have no idea that such programs exist. Well, if all goes well, we will see an exodus of students from the Asylum.
The night sky is overcast once again. I will spend the evening with my beloved iBook. I also have to make preparations for the day that I leave the Asylum. That is not too far in the future. I have to make use of my health plan. So, I've got to see the dentist and the optometrist. I need new glasses and some prescription shades as well. These morons like Roach will laugh while they kick us when we're down. It does not matter. I've been there before. Really, the sinister kahuna is behind it all. In the end, I will be denied my dignity, but only in the face of others equally as evil as Roach. In my own eyes, I have done well, and I will live in peace.
Wednesday February 12
Kevin was a little edgy today. I can't say that I blame him. This whole fiasco has taken too much time. I haven't slept very well, knowing that my plans for the year have changed so abruptly. The level of distrust at the Asylum is high. In fact, I no longer know whom I can trust. At times, I wonder about Kevin. Could he be part of an elaborate charade? Much of what Kevin tells me is riddled with discrepancies. For example, he's been telling me over and over again that he didn't get a pay raise in a long time, yet he received one last year. Today, he told me that he talked with Mike recently. Mike is apparently living off of unemployment checks. He's also designing the Web site for some sandwich shop in Manoa. Mike also claims that he left the Asylum on good terms. Nothing is making any sense. Kevin had the first of what could be several interviews with the security guard "investigator." I called the security guard company and made my appointment for Friday afternoon. We were originally told by Vivian that the interviews would be on our time and at wherever we wanted to meet. The rules changed again. The time is set by the "investigator" and we can only meet in the latter's interrogation room. I suspect that we will be videotaped, and there may also be a voice stress analyzer in use.
At the Diploma Mill, I ran into Pseudo-professor Robert. I filled him in on the situation at the Asylum. He gave me a few tips, but I doubt that it will make a difference. I also asked him how much he is paying for his health plan. The same plan that I have now costs about $203 per month. I should be able to afford that. I called Kevin later in the afternoon. He is still planning to resign at the end of the month, that is, if he's being straight-up with me. He's also planning to announce his departure at the potluck so all of the students will be informed. That's two weeks from now. Let's wait and see what happens.
Thursday February 13
An uneventful day. I did not chat with Kevin at all. At this point in time, I have decided that this charade is over. Whatever the outcome of the Asylum's investigation, I am leaving no later than the end of Summer. Yesterday, Kevin gave me a set of conditions that must be met by the Asylum in order for him stay. "Bug and Roach have to go," he said. There's no way that's going to happen. Steve, one of my students, told me something interesting this morning. He said that he liked Kevin, but what bothered him was that Kevin was not proficient enough with Flash and Dreamweaver to facilitate those classes. Lately, Kevin has been telling me that people like himself who have the expertise with this software are hard to come by. I know that Steve is right because I remember when Kevin was indeed telling me that he had to learn those applications quickly so he could teach the classes. The Asylum wanted him to take classes at CompUSA, if you can believe it. In the last two quarters, Kevin told me several times how much he is learning from the students because they knew how to use the software. So far, there have been few computer instructors with any expertise. Most of them have been on a par with Mike.
I saw my favorite Asian babe at the gym. She has been leaving her hair down when she works out. I cannot even begin to describe how beautiful she is. Then, there is a gorgeous Diploma Mill student riding on the express bus everyday. I really don't need to worry about babes anyway. I am a monk, and I will soon be earning less than a Taco Bell employee.
I saw the handmaiden's friend Ann on the morning express bus. I asked her if she knew any good employment attorneys. Ann is a paralegal with a law firm. She gave me a couple of names. Well, I am going to relax for the evening since I have my big interrogation tomorrow. I am in bad way because I saw so many gorgeous babes today. And, all I am is an old, penniless monk. Sheesh!
Friday February 14
Today is V-Day. Wheee! For me, it was an uneventful day. I did not receive any V-Day cards. After my last class at the Diploma Mill, I walked to the security guard company office for my interrogation. Actually, it wasn't so bad. Unfortunately, I will have to go through this nonsense several more times. Kevin has already gone through two session. He has another one next week. I still have no faith in the whole process. I was even more perturbed by the fact that I was sitting in some crummy office while my favorite Asian babe and everyone else were probably getting ready to go out with their respective studs. To make matters worse, it has been raining all day. How depressing!
When I finally returned home, I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave. I will spend V-Day evening listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. I will also spend about three hours downloading the update for Mac OS X via a dial-up connection. This really reminds me of my old days at the Roach Motel back in Convalescent City. Even as a monk, I can recognize how pathetic my non-existence has become. Well, hey! I'm a non-entity!
Saturday February 15
The Mac OS X upgrade took almost three hours to complete including download. I slept well for the first time in at least a week. I thought of going downtown to do some work at the Diploma Mill. I also considered spending a few hours at Barnes & Noble in Kahala Mall. Neither option appealed to me. I sense that I am slowly lapsing into chronic depression. The symptoms are so minute that they are barely detectable. However, it is the cumulative affect that must be evaluated. I have displayed increasing signs of agoraphobia through social isolation. My continued obsession with divesting my worldly possessions is also a factor. I have no desire to maintain contact with people. My distrust of people has increased exponentially. My belief system indicates that I am clearly in a minority of thought. My eccentric characteristics seem to attract persecution. This is not a good situation. I should also mention that Shirley sent me a V-Day e-card. So, all was not lost.
I spent part of the day lapsing in and out of a coma in favorite chair. I walked to the gym and did a cardio workout. Once again, I will spending the evening with my beloved iBook and my Bose Acoustic Wave. The skies are still cloudy. It is almost laughable, considering that I have only used my new telescope three times so far. I am not sure why I continue to peruse the Orion telescope catalog almost continuously during my spare time. I am using a trash bag to wrap and protect my telescope, just like my Bose Acoustic Wave. With each passing day, my life slowly passes before my eyes. And, I gradually seal my fate as a desolate monk. Maybe I should have bought a more expensive apochromatic telescope, eh?
Sunday February 16
I did my houseboy chores early this morning. Then, I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair for about an hour. Moms cooked all kinds of food on the decrepit hibachi, so I knew that the Ninja Turds were coming. I walked to the gym and did a quality workout. I bought a Mocha Frappaccino at Starbuck's. When I returned home, I found that the Ninja Turds were still here. So, I sat outside on my beloved resin chair until they left.
This life of mine is both banal and benign. However, I have no other choice but to live it. I have been pondering good and evil lately. This may seem to be a trivial pursuit. but I am quite serious. I have assessed my own situation, only to find that I have traces of evil within. I have done little to purge these evil traits. They are like a cancer, multiplying and spreading. For example, I frequently entertain the idea of doin' da wild thing with my favorite Asian babe, amongst others. Naturally, these thoughts are unbecoming of a monk. I have many more weaknesses that border on evil. If anything, isn't the purging of these evil weaknesses the only worthy accomplishment in our lifetime? What else could possibly bring us anywhere near redemption?
The skies appear to be partially clear tonight. I will spend some time outside with my Orion telescope if it is still clear after 9pm. It is essential that I increase my viewing time of the night sky. Each session brings me closer to understanding how little I know. Yet, I am becoming more aware of how consistent the universe really is. The speed of light is a universal constant. The basic elements on earth are most likely found throughout the universe. The construct of the atom is also consistent. Thus, the existence of the physical universe is not a mystery. What is noticeably missing is the connection to the spiritual realm. The universe can have no meaning unless that connection can be established. My only conclusion is that the spiritual realm is indeed there, but it is not within our visible and conscious spectrum. In addition, the universe appears to be devoid of life except for the Earth, further substantiating that the origin of life as we know it is a source that transcends the physical realm. As I continue to look toward the "heavens," I become further convinced that there is a supreme deity. There is no point in discussing the existence of even more superior deities. There must be one source or origin for all that exists. Otherwise, there would be nothing. There is one point source for all that has come into being. It has always been and will always be. The existence of the physical universe proves that infinity does exist. Time or distance is not a finite measurable quantity. There is no doubt in my mind that, somewhere along the line, we made a disconnect with the eternal source. I will continue my research in the days to come. As humanity seeks its own self-destruction through its acts of evil, we can no longer ignore the consequences as well as our complicity. It is time that we turn the tube off and attempt to restore the connection with the source of all existence.
Little weasels like Roach mean nothing to me. He will reap his just reward in due time. Cause and effect is a universal law, just like the laws of physics. That is why good and evil exists. So, why am I bothering with all of this? Simple. the next step in my own progression as a human being and a monk is dependent upon the ultimate proof of the existence of the point source of all existence. Perhaps this may also be a step for you, but you may not have realized it before. If we are able to understand the concept of eternity, then we should be able to share in it as well.
To be continued ... Go to D.03
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