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The Year of Living Dangerously
The Saga Continues
Party of One

Note: This volume has been edited beyond recognition.

Monday April 26, 2004

I chatted with Lori on the express bus this morning. She is leaving for Florida this week. I spent all morning at the Asylum. I submitted an application for my position. We are supposed to be told next week whether we will be rehired. The application was a simple one. All it required were two previous address and a question about whether I was ever convicted of a crime. It turns out that Ernie refused to put any previous address. He first tried to list a post office box. Then, he tried to use the Asylum's address. Vivian, the human resources person, did not accept the application. "You lived at a monastery," she told him. "I'm sure you know the address." Apparently, the Dean stepped in and ordered her to grant the fraud a "special exemption." It's too obvious that Ernie is being protected by the two idiots who run the administration. Incidentally, I no longer communicate with Kevin. I am certain that he is attempting to set me up for a fall. I went to lunch with Eileen, a former Asylum student. We ate at Murphy's. I told her all about what was happening at the Asylum. All in all, lunch was pleasant.

The Diploma Mill is ending the term next week, so I have a lot of nonsense to take care. There are always students who cause all kinds of problems by waiting until the last minute to get their work done. However, tonight was the last night class for me. I'm glad that it's over. Now, I have to begin preparing for the Summer term. I still have not heard from Shirley since she last called on Saturday.

Tuesday April 27

When I arrived at the Asylum at noon, I found that Vivian, the human resources person, was distraught. Apparently, the fat bitch who thinks she's the Assistant Dean confronted her about Ernie. There is a massive cover-up going on. Ernie told several lies about Vivian and also myself. He is beginning his smear tactic campaign. Vivian is certain that we will both be terminated. I should mention that Vivian was so distraught she contacted a friend who is a private investigator. She's going to initiate a background check on Ernie. Later, I talked with the Dean about a couple of curriculum issues. Nothing out of the ordinary came up. I went to the gym. After ward, I walked to the Diploma Mill. I saw Shirley as she was on her way out. I didn't really get a chance to chat with her.

Here is where things get interesting. Pseudo-professor Glenn and I went to the Indigo Happy Hour. Prior to that, he confessed that he used the information that I gave him about the sale of the Asylum. He told a reporter at the Star-Bulletin. Sure enough, there was a small blurb in the April 15th issue. During happy hour, I disclosed further information to him. He has a public relations business on the side so he know people in media. I asked him to see if his reporter friend could find out information about Ernie. I gave him as many details as possible. Pseudo-professor Glenn has vowed to help me out as best as he can, if you know what I mean. He is also a Catholic, so he had a few theories himself. He believes that Ernie may have been kicked out of the seminary, possibly for some kind of sexual deviation. He also believes that the guy posing as his Abbot in Steubenville Ohio is probably a former lover. "You have to be a Catholic to understand what happens in the church," he told me. This is probably much more believable than my theory that he's an ex-con. Nonetheless, I am running out of time, and I am being set up. So, I have to act fast.

Pseudo-professor Glenn is not certain why the Dean and his fat bitch assistant are risking their own jobs to protect Ernie. "They probably feel sorry for him," he told me. "He probably told them that he is forbidden to marry." A few others have speculated that maybe he has information that he is using to blackmail the Dean. Perhaps the Dean is having an affair with his fat bitch assistant. The latter is highly probable. Both Vivian and I know that Ernie is slowly being trapped in a corner. That's why he's lashing out. However, I will be playing another card tomorrow. It's a dangerous one, but I now have no choice.

Wednesday April 28

I spent most of the day at the Asylum. I came to find out that Ernie was invited to lunch with the new owner along with the Dean, his fat bitch assistant, amongst other people. Ernie even had a one-on-one interview with the new owner. He is clearly receiving preferential treatment. I am beginning to think that Ernie is bisexual. That's why the Dean of the nursing program at the Diploma Mill made the odd comment that Ernie should never be left alone with a babe. I am also thinking that Ernie may be having an affair with the fat bitch assistant, which would explain the need to protect him. Later in the afternoon, the Dean told me that several of us will be meeting with the new owner tomorrow at 4pm. Kevin called late in the afternoon. He said that he had new information about Darnell, the instructor who was allegedly caught chokin' da chicken in class. According to Kevin, several of his students claimed that Darnell made passes at them. He also came to class often with alcohol on his breath. I told Kevin about a few of the things going on, but I did not disclose everything. Pseudo-professor Glenn called. He passed the information on to the newspaper. He also wanted some names of students who were possibly victimized by financial aid fraud at the Asylum. I could not remember any names, but I will see if I can glean some off of Kevin without raising suspicion. I have also invoked my plan to flush Ernie out, although I am not telling a soul any details. Let's see what happens next.

There apparently will be a few people getting their walking papers next week. There's also a high probability that I am one of them. The Dean and his fat bitch assistant are not going to come out and tell me. Instead, they have set me up. These are the kinds of cowards I am constantly dealing with. Their own works will be their demise. The house of cards they have built using Ernie will come falling down. They will be swept away with the rubble. That's no consolation. Some of us will be sacrificial lambs to buy those losers some time. If my plan works, the house of cards may begin collapsing as early as next week.

I have not had much time to think about anything else. The move to the townhouse has been put on hold. Further purchases have been put on hold. I keep thinking about why I am taunted by the sinister kahuna. I am still the low man on the totem pole. I have no babe. I have nothing. Yet, I am eternally tormented. However, I am not ready to roll over yet.

Thursday April 29

An uneventful day. I spent most of my time sending out e-mail. It's amazing to see the volume of e-mail generated at the end of a term. This is the last week at the Diploma Mill, so all of the students are in a frenzy. I also sent off e-mail to my old friend Shirley. I went to the gym for a quick workout. Then, I killed time at the Asylum while I waited for the big meeting. The new owner, Sam, was there. The Dean, his fat bitch assistant, Kevin, and some other computer faculty were there. We held the meeting in one of the decrepit labs. The idiots were trying to make a point about the pathetic nature of the labs. Kevin was preparing some kind of demonstration. I was ready to lose it. When Sam came in, he was not too friendly to me. He did seem to be very glad to see Kevin. I could see how the weasels had set everything up. However, none of them were able to put on their staged performances. Sam stayed with the agenda. During the course of the conversation, he seemed to focus more of his dialog to me. The Dean and his fat bitch assistant were kissing ass, as to be expected. It was a sickening sight. Ernie even came up in the conversation. I could sense that he was cognizant of what was happening. I did come away with a clearer understanding of what is his vision for the school.

These are very uncertain times. I still have no idea whether I will make the cut next week. If certain people have their way, then I'll be out on my ass. My morale is somewhat low these days. However, I have a lot to be thankful for. Professor Russell has been suffering from some kind of odd disease. He has been developing severe reactions to most of the foods he eats. Now, it's so bad that he's pretty much down to a liquid diet. He's also lost so much weight that he looks emaciated. I told Professor Brian that I had a bad feeling about this. He felt the same way. Professor Russell is only 35 years of age. I keep thinking about the crap at the Asylum and other mundane nonsense like how I need to find a babe. Yet, none of it matters. I'm alive and seemingly healthy. I'll be making it to the Big Five-O.

Friday April 30

Shirley called last night. She left a message about doing lunch today. I never returned the call. I made the 10am meeting at the Asylum. It was a group meeting with the new owner. The whole thing is a fiasco. At least we found out that not everyone is being hired back. I had to return for a 2pm meeting with the owner. It was then that I learned more about what is going to happen. Sam, the Persian guy, wants to turn the place into a real diploma mill. He wants me to change the curriculum by utilizing production operations management principles. It's going to be a "burn and churn" operation for both students and faculty. Sam only cares about money and profits. He is, in essence, heartless. The casual, laid back demeanor which everyone has been privy to was a front just as I suspected. I found an article in the New Yorker by Tara Bahrampour titled, "Persia on the Pacific." It details the interesting Persian immigrant culture in LA. I came to a greater understanding of the puzzling nature of Persians.

Kevin called me this afternoon. We chatted about the situation for a while. We then agreed to meet later at Kahala Mall. I took the bus there after dinner and met Kevin by Starbuck's at 8:15pm. We drank hot chocolate and chatted more about the situation. It was a pleasant conversation. I did not reveal too much. We parted company at 9:45pm. I ran into Lane, one of my former students at the Diploma Mill. I chatted with him briefly. He will be in one of my Summer classes. I returned home on the bus. I am not sure what to make of everything. We'll have to wait and see.

Saturday May 1

There is no question that my time at the Asylum is limited regardless of whether I make the first cut. The laid back ohana atmosphere is going to be replaced by a mainland sweatshop. I expect most of the current employees and faculty to resign before the year is out. In addition, employee turnover will continue to plague that dump. The new owner has decided to stay for another week, which indicates that he has little faith in the current staffing. The top of the heap, including the Dean and his fat bitch assistant, are probably going to be the first to resign.

I spent most of the day on the bus. It takes two hours to go from Hawai'i Kai to Kane'ohe. I spent a little over an hour at my place. I did a little more cleaning, and I drank a few glasses of wine. I really like my place. Even without furniture, it is pretty nice. Later in the evening, I went to Kahala Mall. I was going to buy some microwave cookware, but I just wasn't in the mood. I have stopped buying things as of last weekend. After all, it is uncertain whether I will be living in the townhouse. I may have to sell it or rent it out. I couldn't help but reflect on the whole stupidity of this situation. I knew that I was asking for trouble when I strapped myself to a mortgage. I am a family of one with one income. Sure enough, shit happens.

Caroll called. I don't answer the phone anymore. And, it now takes me over five hours to return calls. I just cannot really get in the mood to chat on the phone. Shirley also called but she did not leave a message. Right now, I am only returning calls to Caroll. By the way, I have one day left to change to a cheaper cell phone plan.

Sunday May 2

With six months left before the Big Five-O, I have been pushed into a corner. Not only do I stand to lose my townhouse, I am also ensuring that I remain single for the rest of my life. I have been contemplating the idea of becoming homeless. It's probably the only solution to escape this prison called life. Suddenly, everything would become affordable. Or, I could spend some money to live in a cheap boarding house. If I sell the townhouse and make a $40,000 profit, then I could live marginally for a long time. Without the need to impress any babes, I could survive for years on low income. The Ninja Turds would have a real laugh.

With each passing day, I begin to see the folly of my ways much clearer. Anonder was most likely correct all along. He had given me adequate warning and advice based upon his perception of who I am. We apparently have a lot more similarities than I once thought, even right down to the babe situation. I have not gone six years without a babe for no reason. It is apparently my own doing. It is also no coincidence that I meet no babes. There are lot of single guys, but only a small select few remain celibate for extended periods of time. This issue becomes severely moot soon, if it isn't already.

I spent most of the day on the bus again, just so I could spend a few minutes at my place. I stopped off at the Ward Center to check out the latest sale at Pier 1. I will probably purchase the last of my living room furniture this week. I was really fatigued when I returned to Hawai'i Kai, most likely due to the few glasses of wine I consumed. During the bus ride back to town, a hot young hottie kept looking over at the ol' lavahead while she was talking to the guy she was with. That sure made me think about my current situation. In fact, it made me rather despondent. Does it matter? In my current situation, I'd say no. I've been pushed down Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Monday May 3

An uneventful day. Sam, the Persian guy, is still in town. According to Vivian, the human resources person, he summoned his former chief operations officer. The latter was due to arrive sometime today. I have begun to implement the plan outlined to me by the Persian guy. I had a short conference with the Dean. He seemed confused about the direction we are heading. I explained things as I saw them. So far, my analyses and predictions have been extremely accurate. Although many doubt the legitimacy of my analyses in the journal, I can say that they have also been quite accurate. The Dean assured me that I would be passing through the transition process unscathed. Yet, what does he know? The overall mood at the Asylum can be summarized as somber.

I neglected to change my cell phone plan. And, I have yet to return calls to Shirley or Caroll. Bill, one of the other instructors at the Asylum, just bought a townhouse a long block away from me in Kane'ohe. I asked him if he wanted to buy another one. I went to the gym at 2pm. Then, I walked over to the Diploma Mill. I have a lot of work to do because the term just ended. The crap at the Asylum has been taking too much time.

Tuesday May 4

I have been observing the Persian guy. I sense that he knows something I don't. It's a strange feeling. Many people, including the Dean, have been amazed at the accuracy of my predictions and analyses concerning the Persian guy. I have been able to dissect his strategy and provide reasons for what he is trying to do. I had warned a few people that the Persian guy was nice on the surface, but that's only a front. It is very clear that money is all that he is concerned about. All of us are just part of a production line. When our usefulness is outlived, we will be discarded. As I said, I have a strange feeling about the Persian guy.

Another day at the Asylum. We had to attend a meeting wherein the chief operating officer made a presentation. Basically, it was a sales pitch for all of us to buy into the changes down the line. How can anyone feel good about that when no one is certain about his or her employment status? It gets worse when all of the patronizing comments are taken into consideration. I was surprised that I had a one-on-one conference with Sam, the Persian guy. He seemed much more personable today. Yet, there is still something odd that I sense about him. The games continue for all of us because it is obvious that decisions are being made about who will make the cut. Most of the faculty are extremely skeptical of the whole situation. The only one good thing is that it has brought all of us together. I went to the gym fairly late. then, I spent the rest of the afternoon at the Diploma Mill.

With each passing day, I become more fatigued. I am ready to throw in the towel and move to Costa Rica. I still contemplate the babe situation daily. With the Big Five-O just a few months down the line, it seems moot. I have to look back and laugh. I am simply a wage slave now, one who is one the verge of losing his job. Then, I'll be nothing. Strange things.

Wednesday May 5

Another grueling day at the Asylum. No meeting with the new ownership for me, but a lot of other people were in various meetings all day. It is my assumption that these meetings are our interviews. The new ownership is basing its interaction with us as the sole criterion for rehire. I saw Sam, the Persian guy, in passing. Once again, I had a strange feeling about him. It is as if he's knows of me, and whatever that is certainly is not favorable. Friday is the day that we learn whether we have to hit the unemployment line. I hope to make the transition and return to the rank of faculty.

I submitted my grades for the Diploma Mill this afternoon. I still have to plan my Summer classes. I have tried to keep from becoming overly stressed out like everyone else. This has been a difficult task. I am one of the few at the Asylum who appear to be unaffected. I have kept up a good front. Yet, I am continually going through different financial scenarios in my head which may keep me from losing the townhouse.

Kevin expects to be hired full-time by Chaminade University. His background is already questionable. He has a political science degree, an MBA, and a certificate in graphic arts. I am not even sure how he can teach computer classes. I chatted with him about the Chaminade deal. The Dean there had told me about the demographics of the school, and he implied that he wanted compassionate faculty who can work extensively with students of poor educational backgrounds. I am not sure whether Kevin realizes the actual amount of hours that could involve. He just wants a steady paycheck. So far, no one has made him an offer from any of the hundreds of places where he submitted applications. There's something to be said about that.

I chatted with Lori today and Monday on the express bus. She doesn't seem herself lately. She appears to be on the edge. I have no idea why. She has a good life. I should be on the edge, but I am really past the point of caring. It's like the babe situation — totally hopeless. After a while, it's just not worth caring about anything. Easy come, easy go.

Thursday May 6

The last day before D-day. The stress level was high, although most people maintained their composure. Kevin had a meeting with Sam, the Persian guy. I also had a closed door meeting with him. My discussion was primarily on the major curriculum changes coming up. He chatted with me as if I would still be working there next week. I never take these kinds of things for granted. Some of the stunts Kevin pulls are beginning to irritate me. When he had problems with the software in his classroom, he printed copies of the error message on the screen. He gave a copy to me and one to the Dean. Naturally, the Dean was upset. The whole purpose, of course, was to set up the guy who runs the IT department. I took care of the problem immediately. I really hope that Kevin gets the job at Chaminade so I won't have to deal with him any longer. Even in my discussion with the Persian guy, it became clear that Kevin was sold to him as some kind of guru. Yes, it will not surprise me if Kevin replaces me tomorrow.

I was happy to be back at the Diploma Mill this afternoon. Some of the math faculty filled me in about the Visiting Professor position. I have to file my application with the Human Resources office. Then, I will be scheduled for an interview. Even though the position will last a year, it will be a great opportunity. If I were to get the position, I will most likely leave the Asylum for good. People like the Dean and Kevin will have to be removed before I could stay longer. I have to admit that my position at the Asylum has made me become better acquainted with a few good faculty and staff members. I will miss them if I leave. So, I will find out whether I have a job or not tomorrow. All other decisions rest on the outcome of that one event.

Friday May 7

The Asylum was like a ghost town today. Hardly anyone reported for work. Sam, the Persian guy, told me that he was not coming in at all today. The notifications were not available in the morning. So, the stress level continued for most of the day. I checked back at 3pm, but the notifications were still not released. However, Vivian, the human resources person, told me that I did not have to worry. I met with Pseudo-professor Glenn and his wife for Indigo Happy Hour. We went on the Art Walk after that. I walked back to the Asylum at one point to see if the notification was available. The letters were in our mailboxes. I made it through the cut. The survivors received a small pay increase as well. Mine amounted to about $900 or so. In the eleventh hour, I was saved again. However, I sent my curriculum vitae to Chaminade. I am also following the application procedure for the position at the Diploma Mill. Overall, I am relieved that the crisis is over. The backstabbing and other mischief was totally out of hand at the Asylum. Before I left to go back to the Art Walk, I thanked Vivian for her support. She thanked me as well. It was a brief but poignant moment. I continued the Art Walk and took every opportunity to consume as much free booze as possible. It was my celebration. There were a lot of babes out on the town, not that it mattered. I am happy to be here. I am not losing my townhouse. And, I still have other opportunities to investigate. Could I ask for anything more? Well, yes. You know what that would be, but it is unattainable. It doesn't matter in the Grand Scheme.

Saturday May 8

I was told that the Dean would be resigning at the end of the month. His assistant will now be in charge. Kevin and I will lose our major supporter. This will affect Kevin more than I. The Dean's assistant is not one whom I can trust. My guess is that she will not be there very long either. Vivian could tell me nothing else since this information is extremely confidential. Yesterday, Kevin had told me what transpired in his conversation with Sam, the Persian guy. Kevin told him about all of his questionable skills, which apparently impressed the Persian guy. That's the way the whole week went. People kissing ass and selling out each other just for a dim chance to climb the ladder or save their jobs. It was a major spectacle. I have identified the people whom I can trust. That number is small.

I was extremely fatigued this morning. After going through the wringer for two weeks, exhaustion is to be expected. I do not feel any sense of jubilation. I only feel as though I bought another year of time. I feel nothing because nothing really matters. I have not received a single call on my cell phone all week. So, I will definitely reduce my cell phone plan. Cutting costs will still be an issue for me no matter what my job situation. As for the townhouse, I will continue as planned.

I left fairly early this morning, but it just does not seem to matter. The bus ride still ends up taking two hours one way. I spent about two hours cleaning. I spent a little time relaxing. I looked around my place. This small dump is a quarter of a million dollars. It's just astounding. I returned to the "cocoon" early because I did not go back to Ala Moana. The Ninja Turds were visiting, no doubt getting ready to stake their claim. I did my yardboy chores. In fact, I have so many chores to do, it's sickening. After dinner, I drove over to Ross in Kuapa Kai. I bought four good pillows for about $30 total. I decided to drive to my place and do more work. I brought a ladder with me. The pillows finally completed my bedding. The ensemble looks really good. I cleaned years worth of dust and crap off of the ceiling fans and light fixtures. I had a few glasses of wine as well. Did I mention that I stopped by Foodland and bought four more bottles of wine. I have to keep my place stocked in case any babes come by. Well, that's not going to happen, so I just need the supply for myself. Sheesh!

Sunday May 9

Another unit in same townhouse complex is up for sale at $295,000 as of today. It's the same as mine. Housing prices continue to climb here in Hawai'i even though mortgage rates are up. Demand is supposedly so great that many hotels in Waikiki are making conversions to condos. Even so, there seems to be no glut. Amazing! Caroll has been the only person to call all week. We ended up playing phone tag for the most part. Last night, I discovered that there are roaches in my place. So, I have to put out some roach traps. There are roaches everywhere. The more clutter, the more roaches. In addition, the roaches lay eggs anywhere.

I did my tanning hike up Koko Head this morning. I haven't done that in a long time. In fact, I have gained weight since I stopped going to the gym on the weekends. The hikes were a good substitute workout until I also stopped doing them. Eating a lot of junk food and the endless drinking hasn't helped. I then left on my two-hour journey to Kane'ohe. Some may wonder why I continue this benign activity. The answer is simple — I wouldn't have anything else to do otherwise. This benign activity gives me a place to go and something to do. I have no social life right now. There is really absolutely nothing to do at my place as well. There's no entertainment. I don't have a tube. The Bose Acoustic Wave is still in its box. I have no phone line, so I cannot connect my computer to the pathetic dial-up connection. There's no food in the fridge except for the crap that I sacrificed while I was testing to see if the damned thing worked. By the way, I never washed the sheets that came with my bedding. So, they are really stiff. My bed is actually only going to be for display purposes. I'm not even planning to sleep in it. Later, I set up the roach trap. Then, I had a few glasses of wine. After an hour, I decided to head back. It was already mid-afternoon. I stopped off at Pier 1 again. I really like that place. The only problem is that I am the only guy shopping alone in there. It's a couples place. Who else would be looking to decorate a home? I see a lot of nice things to decorate my place, but why bother? It's expensive. And, I am not planning on doing any entertaining.

In the end, my place will simply be another monastery, an hermitage. Some people have hinted that I should have a house warming party. Why? I haven't been invited to anyone's place. Sheesh! Shirley called and left a message. I still have not returned her call or any calls for that matter. After the two weeks of hell that I've been through, I really don't want to deal with anyone. That's why I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I only work to pay the mortgage.

Monday May 10

An uneventful day. Everything is back to normal (read: dysfunctional) at the Asylum. Now that the new ownership is gone, the whole crew is relaxed and going back to their old ways. I continue to do the work that I am supposed to do. Glen and I ate lunch at a plate lunch place. The food was terrible. I ordered the Beef Curry. The meat was so hard, I couldn't even cut it with the pathetic plastic knife. After my workout at the gym, I ended up in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. I chatted with Pseudo-professors Glenn, Ralph, and Bill. I also submitted my application for the visiting professor position. The committee already has everything. I just had to go through the formal process.

I am still fatigued from the two weeks of hell at the Asylum. It is uncertain how long any of us will last there. I am surprised that there were only two sacrificial lambs, both being support staff. Certainly, that was neither enough to instill fear in the remaining staff or to cut expenses. I am not sure why the new ownership decided to keep a dysfunctional staff. All of the major organizational problems can be traced to all of these idiots. I surmise that we are being given a limited time to prove ourselves before the ax really falls.

In the past few weeks, I have had a chance to peruse Kane'ohe from the bus as it rambles along the Kamehameha Highway. It's an interesting place. Kane'ohe is just a few minutes from Kailua where Shirley's family lives. Kailua is further from the Ko'olau mountains, so it is sunnier with a little less rain. The homes in the first part of Kane'ohe are fairly old, which is why there are so many locals living there. The houses have to be at least 50 years old. Some of the houses have corrugated tin roofs. My townhouse is in the newer part of Kane'ohe near the Windward Mall along Haiku Road. The complex is called Haiku Point. The homes in this area are newer and somewhat more expensive. Right across the Kahekili Highway is Haiku Plantation, which is a posh, gated community of million-dollar homes. So that's a few facts about Kane'ohe. Incidentally, Kailua is a more affluent community. The houses are much newer and are more expensive than in Kane'ohe, primarily because of Kailua Beach and Lanikai. However, Kane'ohe Bay is pretty nice and it's not far from my townhouse.

Tuesday May 11

Given the description of my place in Kane'ohe, some may be wondering why babes are not flocking to the ol' lavahead. Haiku Point is along Haiku Road, which has a lot of traffic. The driveway through the complex is unsightly. The carports for all of the units are situated on both sides of the road, which makes the place look more like a trailer park. The buildings themselves are nice. However, these are townhouses. It's the same as an apartment. They are not houses in any shape or form. The interior of each unit is typical of cheap apartments or cheap tract homes. Everything is cheap and quite plain. Granted, I have a beautiful lanai. If I walk outside of my unit, I can catch a glimpse of the fabulous Ko'olaus. And, unlike the newest townhouses, the adjacent buildings are spaced apart generously. The landscaping is really well done. That alone makes the place look much more high class. Anyway, no babe will be impressed by this. I have learned from the AskMen Forums that the babe situation is moot. One has to have big bank, big house, big car, and big dick. I have none of those.

So far, my predictions concerning the Persian guy have all come true. It is as if I know him. The Dean, his assistant, Ernie, the registrar, and I had a teleconference meeting with Sam, the Persian guy, this afternoon. It was plain to see that he expected results, but there were none. Ernie, of course, has been doing a good job of kissing ass and making himself look good, so he is now revered by the Persian guy as well. It also became clear that the plans for change are going forward in Fall. Everyone else believed that they persuaded him to hold off for a while. I knew he was going through with his plan no matter what. If we do not perform as expected, we will be replaced. Funny, just two weeks ago, everyone was so sure that this was the best thing to happen to the Asylum. The whole plan resembles a production operations model, and only I am able to interpret these plans accurately. That's because I am the only engineer on staff. After the teleconference, I deciphered the Persian guy's plans to rest of the clowns. This is the first time anyone has every listened to me intently. I am certain that the Persian guy will be back sooner than expected. In fact, he alluded to that in his conversation. Later, I talked with one of the the admissions people. He said that the Persian guy's hatchet man is supposedly coming in tomorrow.

Wednesday May 12

An uneventful day. I am forging ahead with my plans to remain coincident with the Persian guy's operations model. I expect my department at the Asylum to be in full compliance by the end of Summer. The Dean and the rest of the staff are taking an oppositional stance. I have decided to engineer my out of this dilemma by making things work for both the students and faculty in a win-win scenario.

I called the property management firm handling the Haiku Point complex about my maintenance fee coupon book. It was sent out this week. Fortunately, Debbie, my realtor, helped with this. I am already late with the payment, but it's not my fault. Robert was in the faculty computer room today. He was preoccupied with the American Idol nonsense just like most of the locals here in Hawai'i. He's still working at the Legal Aid Society. And, he's also still a mortgage broker with no clients. I am not sure what is going through his head, but time is flying by. I suppose that nothing really matters since the babe situation is also moot for him.

I should detail why the babe situation is moot, at least as far as I am concerned. It actually started to bug me a while back when I observed that most babes are good for nothing. I can't make a really strong judgment about babes since I used to be somewhat useless myself. However, most babes really do have "entitlement" thinking. They spew off Nazi feminist crap and bash guys, but then they want to be saved by some knight in shining armor. Just because they have a nice warm spot for guys to stuff the Vienna Sausage, they feel they deserve to be pampered and supported financially. I have observed this more and more. Even in brief conversations with babes, I am able to detect this kind of mentality. No, don't even try to persuade me that this is just a small sample. Not true. And, the reality is — all babes are high maintenance. I do not make enough to support myself and a babe. I barely make enough to support myself. It is clear that I do not attract babes because I really have nothing to bring to the table, either looks or money. Most babes have nothing to bring to the table, but that's irrelevant. Guys want and need da wild thing. The latter will never change, so the babes will always have the upper hand. Guys like Robert and I will always be on the outside looking in.

Thursday May 13

I am spending too many hours at the Asylum, but this is necessary if I want to keep my job. All I did today was walk around and talk with various faculty and staff members. There was a faculty meeting. It was useless as usual. There were awards given out. All the faculty except for the computer group (read: my team) received awards. That's a subliminal message. I am moving toward the Persian guy's goal as expeditiously as possible. I expect my department to be the first to conform. I am converting all of our classes to emphasize the training approach as well. Incidentally, I was the only person to send an e-mail to thank both Sam and the former president (now the executive director) for hiring me back.

Shirley sent e-mail. She's been enjoying her vacation. She's surfing almost daily, as to be expected. She is also hanging out more with her friend Seth. He's the guy who has made several obtuse hints about hookin' up with Shirley. Naturally, she thinks he's kidding. She's going out clubbing this weekend, too. Some things have really changed. One of the faculty I chatted with today was Shirley's friend Erin. It was kind of humorous.

I find it humorous that I have taken such a cavalier attitude about babes. This is essentially the eleventh-hour for me. The clock is ticking. I have made my decision by default — I am going to let the clock run down. I am sure that I will have some degree of regret from time to time. However, these feelings will eventually subside. Anonder was absolutely correct. There is nothing that I can gain from being in a relationship with a babe. I have more to lose. Sure, it will be very lonely. I already see the debilitating effects of zero physical contact, but there's absolutely nothing I can do. It's like one of the guys on the AskMen Forums said, "There isn't someone for everyone." That the honest truth. I know because I live it.

Friday May 14

Well, I have pruned the number list in my cell phone. I don't make any calls anymore. So far, I've used less than 15 minutes this month. Petrol prices are up. It's now $2.16 per gallon for 87-octane grade. I won't be driving much either. Life is getting more restrictive for me by the day. I am locked into wage slavery because of my mortgage. I have so little left that all I can do is nothing. Well, at least I don't know any babes. I couldn't afford to date them.

An uneventful day, thank goodness. I've been extremely fatigued all week, so much so that I have almost fallen asleep on the afternoon express bus. I made the payment for my second mortgage. It's the only one that I cannot set up with automatic payments. Everything now comes out of my checking account. It's depressing to see so much money flowing in and quickly flowing out. People here and in Speak! III by LoserNet are still giving me crap about the way I am handling my townhouse. I really don't care. I'm the one making the mortgage payments, so I only have to answer to myself. My payments could be higher than the payments my ridiculers make on their own properties. I really can't help it that I have no energy or motivation to finish buying the furniture for my place. My six-four is useless. I cannot transport anything in it. Thus, I will have to rent a truck again. There is still a large amount of my crap still lying around moms' house. I really don't want to transport any of that stuff to my place. It's just more clutter. It's all so tiring.

Moms was preparing all kind of food again, so I know the Ninja Turds are coming by tomorrow. I am sure that they are anxious to move back in, but they are waiting on me. Now you see why I am taking my time. People do this kind of crap to me, so now it's my turn. Payback is a bitch.

I've been killing time on the Hot or Not site again. I was surprised that it's still around. Out of curiosity, I checked out the guys and babes in the "Over 40" category. Oh man, how depressing! I am not going to tell Robert about this because he may just end it all right then. I have definitely decided to throw in the towel insofar as the babe situation is concerned. Go check out Hot or Not and you will see why. I was disillusioned for the rest of the day. I still am in a daze. Sheesh!

Saturday May 15

Moms started up the kamado fairly early, so I left for Kane'ohe. I was able to transfer immediately at Ala Moana, so I arrived in Kane'ohe before noon. I spent my time cleaning the bathtub and the lanai. Right at noon, I poured out a glass of wine. I didn't stop at one. The rain started up. Actually, it's been raining for a couple of days all over the island. I sat around and thought about my pathetic situation. At one point, I burst out laughing. This is the only life I have, and I am wasting it away. What a fool! I was pretty hammered when I left. I was drenched by the time I reached the bus stop. Being hammered, I really didn't care.

After dinner, I took the bus to Kahala Mall. I rewarded myself with a Jamba Juice smoothie. It must have been couples night at the mall. I was the only single loser walking around. This is how it will be for the rest of my life. I had better get used to it. Frankly, I am not sure if Robert will lose it before me. I am about ready to go berserk. The reality of the situation is that I have to become like The Master. I have to be content with sitting in the hermitage. Running around all over the creation is doing me no good. It just wastes a lot of time, and I only end up more fatigued. My social life is non-existent. This Summer will be a wash. I will not be looking for young hotties to hang out with. Those days have come and gone. I'm an old fart now.

Sunday May 16

I did my tanning hike this morning. Then, I was off to Kane'ohe. Same old routine. After a while, it gets really old. However, I have no other options. Naturally, I had to partake of a few glasses of wine again. A unit in the next building is up for sale. Today was its first open house. I walked over to see. It's a two-bedroom, two-bath unit. The layout is much different from mine. It was a beautiful place. The living room had hardwood floors. The kitchen is actually open and a counter separates it from the living room. The bedrooms are off to both sides. The master bedroom has double doors. The asking price was $239,000 leasehold. With the fee, the total comes to $307,000 or so. That's a bit high. In case anyone doesn't get it, many places are still on leased land in Hawai'i, and that includes condos. The lease is cheap, but it eventually runs out. To buy the land (or airspace in the case of condos), one has to purchase the fee. My place came with the fee included, hence "fee simple."

I went to Pier 1 again to look around. I discovered that the current sale ends next Saturday. So, I will have to make a decision on the rattan settee. I'll probably buy it, along with a lamp. I've decided against the coffee table. I'll just save up for a Pier 1 dining set. So, next year, I will buy a new dishwasher and a dining set. I will replace the ceiling fan in the dining area with pendant lights. That will be it. Incidentally, I have made the final decision that I will not do any entertaining at my place. It's going to be an hermitage, just like The Master's place.

I am having a very difficult time with "acceptance and resignation." I saw a lot of hotties out today, and it was very depressing. I am a fucking old fart loser now. Sometimes I wonder how Robert maintains his sanity, aside from overdosing on Prozac. He's living on borrowed time. His mom's house is rented. When his mom is gone, he will have to fend for himself. Since he has not done anything to get a better a job, I assume that he's still just breaking even. I only see a tragic ending coming up for both he and I.

Monday May 17

An unexciting day. I spent most of my time at the Asylum disabling Java on all of the Web browsers. There has been too much fooling around, with many of the students playing Yahoo! Pool for hours. The sad part is that they are doing that during class. I am determined to clean up the technology programs. I am not sure what is going on, but no one seems to get the concept that the Asylum is under new ownership. I am trying to save my job and the jobs of those in my department. No one seems to care.

I had a nice chat with Lori on the express bus this morning. I also ran into Lori as I was walking to the gym. She has a two-for-one Jamba Juice coupon, so we may end up at Jamba Juice one of these days. Incidentally, I sent a short e-mail to Shirley. "Have a fun Summer," I wrote.

I got an e-mail from the math department at the Diploma Mill. I have to schedule an interview for later this week. I am also supposed to make a 15-minute presentation, something like an audition. I hate that crap. I've been doing this for over five years. I don't need to audition for the part. With all of the crap that's been going on, I have found myself short on patience. I am tired of playing games. Sheesh! Moms and I chatted during dinner, something we have not done in a long time. Mostly, it was about what moms was going to do to fix up the house.

I am still in a daze about the harsh reality of the babe situation. Frankly, there is nothing that can be done. Only a miracle in the eleventh hour can save me. I am also quite perturbed about the difference between my townhouse unit and the one I saw yesterday. Well, I won't be doing any entertaining, so that's a moot issue. In the end, it all boils down to this ... I'm a party of one!

To be continued ... Go to D.32

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