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The Exodus Files
Broken Mirror

Monday October 11, 2004

I have not heard from my homey Rod, which is beginning to concern me. I looked up his number in my on-line address book. The number that I had heard in his message was wrong. So, I called the correct number. I heard a system message stating that the person whom I called was not available. A few months ago, I tried to call his cell phone, but it was disconnected. I am still certain that Rod did not call me at 3am on Friday. Strange things. I discovered later that Rod had called again and left a message. He must have lost my cell phone number. I called this morning and left a message with my cell phone number.

Time is flying by, and I am still not getting anything done. I am drinking cheap booze well beyond what I should. I believe that my stress level has increased exponentially, but I am keeping myself sedated in order to remain in denial. That's another reason why I have been hesitant to live alone. I probably cannot keep my booze consumption in check. Even though my finances have a negative cash flow, I can always seem to find a way to buy the vino.

An uneventful day. I walked to the gym this morning and did my usual workout. Then, I rode the street bus to town. I went to the gym again this afternoon between my two classes at the Diploma Mill. Robert stopped by the faculty computer room. He had a blood test earlier. He believes that he has high blood pressure and sleep apnea. The list of maladies keeps growing. He said that he noticed a decrease in libido. I asked him about his young hottie friend. He did not have much to say. That says it all. I postulated to him that both of us are really not interested in finding babes. It makes sense. Why else would we have been single this long? As I've said before, it takes a lot of effort to remain single. Of course, we always think that we need babes. Yet, our actions (or inaction) speak much louder than words.

When I listened to Shirley lament about the game-playing going on with stud, I realized exactly why I don't want to be in a relationship again. Stud's infantile behavior is simply the result of "blue balls." Some of the situations that Shirley described fit the standard behavior when one is denied da wild thing. I know because I've acted the same way. Stud wanted Shirley to "jump his bones." That's what every guy wants. Most guys are only interested in a relationship just to get regular dosages of da wild thing. Many of Shirley's friends are egging her on about why she's "saving it." I am not trying to pressure her to give in. In fact, I admire her for standing her ground. From what I've heard, stud's true colors are already showing. Yet, Shirley wants to save the relationship. I surmise that she will have to give up the goods soon. And then, there's no guarantee that he'll stick around. My guess is he won't once the challenge is complete. In addition, stud is displaying some typical chauvinistic behavior. He's trying to put Shirley in her place and weaken some of her quasi-feminist resolve. Shirley is from the "his money is our money, and my money is my money" school of thought. I am certain that stud is not going to play that game. I wouldn't either. In this particular case, I am siding with Shirley because she is a good friend. Stud is just another "dime-a-dozen" Vienna Sausage.

Tuesday October 12

I am really not too concerned about the upcoming election. In the end, we may see a repeat of what we saw four years ago. It also doesn't matter to me anymore about who is in office. I gave up after the last travesty. I have started to read the alternative press again, though, just to keep abreast of the real news. I gave up with mainstream media a long time ago. The truth about Iraq has come out, but all of these facts were known before the invasion. The warhawks who argued with me are now quite silent. Many are talking shit about Shrub, their fallen hero. The real truth is plainly clear about our role in the Middle East and Central Asia, as it is in other countries. It's all about the oil. There is increasing evidence that our military resources are now being allocated to protect oil production and transportation conduits. Then, there is the matter of Israel. Our bi-partisan support of the Zionists is truly indicative of our real motives. The latter is a tool to keep the Arab world in disarray. What is most disturbing is that modern Israel is not comprised of the indigenous Jews. It is ruled and populated by the European Zionist faction, an extremely radical group of warhawks. These days, I remain silent about world affairs as well. I've observed the idiocy behind the election fraud four years ago through the suspicious stock market collapse and the even more suspicious "September 11th" attacks. All of this corruption has empowered even the most petty of fools, people like "Samhain." As an individual, I can no longer believe that justice is humanly possible. The sleaziest pieces of shit are calling out for Armageddon. They taunt the Creator to take action. It will happen.

An uneventful day. At the Asylum, all of the faculty have reported that their in-class evaluations criticized their performance. My evaluation happens on Thursday. I can hardly wait. My math class at the Diploma Mill has been getting worse. It is as if I am dealing with a bunch of high school kids. Cell phones are constantly going off. Then, a few people were so concerned about the outcome of today's baseball game that they could not behave. Later, one of my students, Kelvin, told me, "You're being watched." He mentioned that another math faculty who has a class next door was asking questions about my class. I sure hope that I am not seeing the beginning of another series of bullshit. I was in a bad way after that. In fact, I am getting sick and tired of this fucking crap that is being dished out by a bunch of pampered, fat-ass slobs with nothing else better to do. Creating political intrigue seems to be a favorite pastime with these kinds of assholes. I'd like to ship 'em all to Iraq and see how far that bullshit will get them. I can already tell you. Their bullshit will give them a one-way ticket to hell. I'd love to see these clowns beg for mercy before they are beheaded.

After my class, I walked back to the faculty computer room. Pseudo-professor Ralph was there. We chatted for a bit. I am becoming more keenly aware that I do not fit in with the majority of the pompous faculty. I do not act or look like them, which make me an easy target and scapegoat. I am about ready to cash in my stamps. I suspect that I will have a run-in with one of these assholes soon, just like Robert and Paul. That's why neither of them are teaching anymore. They were blacklisted. Why I don't sell everything (i.e., Chez Loser and my six-four) and move to Costa Rica is beyond me. I am holding on to things that keep me locked in wage slavery which, in turn, subjects myself to the dumbest and most evil people on the planet. Am I trying to maintain the status quo in order to find a babe? I really need to seek the answer to that question. I have no other reason to hold on to these "necessities." The babe situation is moot. Robert has a better chance of finding a babe than I do. I have nothing in common with babes. That's why I am single. I cannot settle down with any babe because I do not share the same goals and dreams with any of them. With each passing day, I am seriously contemplating becoming homeless in the near future. What I really want to do is get away from all of these fucking idiots!

Wednesday October 13

My tolerance for bullshit from the myriad mental midgets around me has decreased significantly. I am rapidly losin' it. This whole society is made up of vapid morons whose sole purpose is to eat and shit. One cannot derive any kind of satisfaction from this kind of meaninglessness. I am already at wit's end as I attempt to coexist with every possible shade of shithead. I find that I am moving closer and closer to Anonder's viewpoint. My reaction of yesterday was precipitated by the reading of an article on AlterNet about the current Iraqi conflict. The sheer number of people who are dying needlessly is sickening, not just our own but also the Iraqis. How many young people and other innocent lives are being cut short just as a matter of "collateral damage"? They suffered violent ends and many were just a fraction of my age. The only human life that is precious to us is our own. We could care less about others. That is why our ungratefulness permeates our society in the form of various sleazy assholes and dickheads. I'm afraid that there's no sanctuary. These Western set of non-values have been exported everywhere except the most remote and primitive tribal cultures. The most telltale sign is the increasing number of fat slobs in almost every country. Not only have we exported our version of hedonism, but we have also introduced our fat-laddened fast food and gluttonous ways to these unsuspecting fools as well. Now we have a whole world of crude, rude, loud, farting, and belching fat slobs. Each day now, I pray, "Lord, let it pour fire and brimstone from the Heavens. Strike us all down now and put these fat fucks out of their misery. Restore the Earth to Paradise, and please never infest it with this scum again. Amen!"

I left for town at 9am because I wanted to get a haircut before my classes. I arrived in town before 10am. I dropped my stuff off at the Diploma Mill before walking over to the College of Hair Design on Hotel Street. A Filipina hottie was working at the front desk. She put my name down on the list. I sat down amongst the others who were waiting. I saw her glance over once. About a minute later, she came to get me to cut my hair. I was wondering what was going on since there were other people before me. And, the student who works at the front desk does not usually leave that station. She restored my military haircut perfectly. Naturally, I left a generous tip. I'm glad that I don't think about babes anymore. Otherwise, I might have lost my mind.

I chatted with Pseudo-professor Dorothy briefly. I also showed her how to use her USB Flash Drive. I received an e-mail from Kim, the Director of Education at the Asylum. She alleged that one of my morning classes was canceled. She offered a replacement class but it starts at 8pm. I sent a reply to indicate that I couldn't do a class that late. My guess is that I am the test case for "Samhain." He is attempting to force me to reduce my load to part-time so he can cut off my health benefits. Kevin called me in the afternoon. He told me more crap about Ernie. Apparently, Ernie's mom is in the hospital. Ernie's sister allegedly launched a restraining order against him. I told Kevin that these stories are slightly believable at best. I also mentioned the curious situation with my classes. He seemed uneasy and changed the subject.

One of the babe students in my computer class told me something interesting. I had helped her with a math problem last week. She said that only two people had solutions when the problem came up for discussion, she being one. Another student had received help from a regular math faculty who apparently is facilitating a calculus class this term. Both students had to put the solutions on the board. Guess who had the problem right? Yep, the student who had the ol' lavahead's solution. Pseudo-professor Ralph came by the faculty computer room at 5pm. He is trying to help me get on staff with the University of Phoenix. I was actually close to being hired before, but I had changed my mind. I still have mixed feelings about the place. However, I need a contingency plan because the Asylum will shut down as per my prediction. Pseudo-professor Ralph concurred with the latter because the University of Phoenix is planning to introduce a medical office program soon. As you may recall, "Samhain" is placing all his bets on that particular program at the Asylum. The Asylum's main competitors, Heald and Remington, are also increasing program options. In the meantime, "Samhain" has been paring down classes in each program so they can be clustered into modules. The modules are so homogenous that there almost is no distinction between most of the majors. The cheap fuck is so much of a tightwad that he is going to put himself out of business. The sooner the better!

Thursday October 14

My class evaluation at the Asylum was this morning. Kim, the Director of Education, sat in my class. However, she does not seem to know the rules of these evaluations. Instead of simply observing, she constantly added her opinions. However, I received a perfect evaluation. Only Erin and I had perfect evaluations from the day crew. I did not put on an act for the evaluation. I ran the class according to Big Al's rules. I've been hamming it up lately, which has added to the entertainment value. I've also been doing that at the Diploma Mill. There was a faculty meeting of which I was only able to attend for 30 minutes. Kevin called me later to tell me that Kim commented about my class this morning. She told the faculty that I did an excellent job. The meeting also went on the usual tangent where new policies were discussed. There will be surprise class evaluations. Kim also lectured the faculty again about the usual nonsense. I'm glad that I wasn't there. The benign lecture usually turns into chastisement. That's why the morale is so low. I have survived because I truly believe that justice will only come about by some form of universal karma. I do not take any of these fools seriously. Otherwise, I would become physically or mentally ill. The whole ordeal has left most of the people completely demoralized. There are many more machinations going on, which include the usual treachery like backstabbing. I have learned that Kevin and Layton are now redesigning the computer majors. I am gradually being phased out. Sad to say, I am the only one who is qualified to teach the upper level computer classes. I really don't care. It's all part of my prediction.

My math class at the Diploma Mill was uneventful. I am still perturbed by the apparent "witch hunt" going on behind my back. I am insulted even more because I do a better job that most of the real math faculty. Perhaps that's the source of the problem. My students turned in the first of their math journal entries. I enjoyed reading them. Some were entertaining. I am also learning about a few things that need to be changed. I did my usual workout at the gym. Then, I ended up in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. Pseudo-professor Ralph dropped by. I passed my résumé on to him. We chatted for a bit before I had to go back to the Asylum for my night class. I will say that I enjoy working with most of the students at the Asylum. That's probably the only reason I can think of for continuing on. Until I find something better to do in life, then I will continue on in the education field. I can at least derive some sense of personal accomplishment.

Friday October 15

I am completely disillusioned, even as we speak. I rode the express bus to town. I made the payment for my second mortgage at the bank. Then, I walked to the Asylum. I was surprised to see Erin, but I came to realize that the new student orientation was going on. Some of the faculty came by for that. I was doing the small talk thing with Erin when I asked if she had seen Shirley lately. Erin has not brought up Shirley in a long time. She said no. I then told her about Shirley's new stud. I was very surprised that Shirley did not break the news to her. Erin told me that she and Shirley had a falling out a while back. That's when our little chat turned into a long discussion. Erin apparently is getting a divorce. She separated from her husband several months ago, most likely right around the beginning of Summer. Erin claims that her husband was a "control freak" and extremely jealous of other guys. Oddly, Erin has always had a reputation for flirting with guys, even students. Shirley had known about Erin's marital problems because Erin must have used her for a sounding board. These problems must have gone back as early as Spring of last year. I lost track of Shirley after I returned from my trip to Cali. Actually, I was losing contact even before then. It's hard to follow the chronology since I had to prune the journal. Some of the more important facts are missing. I know that one of the only times we got together was for her B-day in April.

Erin said that all hell broke loose when she moved out of the townhouse in Hawai'i Kai. Shirley apparently tried to be a mediator. Somehow, she ended up calling Randy. The calls became more frequent. Soon, they were hanging out a lot. Erin said that they "hooked up" and also felt that they were actually dating. However, Erin is certain that they did not do da wild thing. "I know they kissed," she said. I was shocked. That's totally out of character for Shirley. What would cause such a lapse in judgment? "Lapse? That's not a lapse. This went on for several weeks," she said. Erin believes that her husband used Shirley for revenge. He dumped Shirley after that. Shirley had called and talked to Erin about it. "She still wanted to be friends," Erin added, raising her voice. "She was very upset and crying, like she was the victim!" Shirley apparently could not understand why they couldn't remain friends. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "She was the bridesmaid at my wedding," Erin continued, almost completely flustered. I was numb, and I remained that way for the rest of the day. Now I see why I've sensed a change in Shirley. She's lost another layer of innocence. Even Erin was dumbfounded because Shirley had been saying all along that she's not looking to get involved with a guy, at least until she's out of school. I also now recall that Shirley has not even mentioned Erin since earlier this year.

I'm not even sure that I know Shirley all that well now. Perhaps she's been carrying on a ruse. She's been telling everyone that she did not want to hook up, yet she really wanted to. It would have been hard to change her mind without looking a little foolish. That's why "things just kind of happened" when she met Jason. Her parents are supporting her fully until she graduates in June of next year. That's probably quite scary. What will she do after that? All of her friends including Kerri and now Shorty have BoyToys. All of the guys whom she knows want to get in her pants, but she calls many of them "losers." Shirley's role model, ironically, was Erin. I've even told that to Erin. Shirley wants to be married and living in a house in Kailua Bluffs before she turns twenty-eight. I doubt that her biological clock is involved. It's just an expectation, since all of her other siblings are married and have families. Her biological clock won't kick in for another six years.

I am very disillusioned. Somehow, I feel that I may have been able to prevent some of this nonsense had I kept in touch with her. Overall, this really changes my perspective of babes and relationships in general. Robert and I should be extremely happy that no babes are interested in us. We can live a good life. My decision to exit society is beginning to gel with every new piece of data. I have done nothing about my expiring driver's license. I read an article in the paper about the crackdown on car donations to charity so, if I take that route, I must donate my six-four before the end of the year. I am now more inclined to sell the townhouse early next year. Shirley said that she would come by and hang out more if I lived there. I'm not sure if I like that idea. My guess is that I want to just isolate myself with my computer and my House Music for the rest of my life. This may finally be the turning point.

Saturday October 16

I neglected to mention that Rod called and left a message again the other day. He is planning a trip back to Hawai'i in January. I am looking forward to seeing him. I should also note that I am not a close friend to Erin. I have just come to know her better because we've been chatting on and off since the beginning of Summer. She kept up the ruse of being married. Apparently, she had only told Chip. I have a feeling that Chip knows the whole story. I am not going to disassociate from Shirley. So far, I've only heard one side of the story. The oddest part of this tale, though, was when Erin said that she was hoping Shirley and her ex-husband would have paired up for the long term. "They are a good match for each other. She needs someone to tell her what to do. And, he needs someone to control," she said.

I made the benign journey to Chez Loser this morning after I took the recycling in. The bus ride to and from Kane'ohe was a very unpleasant experience, one that I do not want to repeat tomorrow. I really had no reason to go there, except that I knew the Ninja Turds would be visiting moms. I got off near the Safeway store. I bought a big-ass bottle of Vendage Chardonnay. Rod had called while I was on the bus. I returned his call as I walked to Chez Loser. He is coming to visit Hawai'i in the middle of January. I told him my woeful employment tales. It was nice to chat with him. I immediately popped the cork on the bottle of wine. I had nothing to clean or repair, so I sat around and got hammered. I called Caroll as well. She said that she may have find another job. The treachery is building at the one car dealership. History is repeating itself again. She is thinking of coming out to Hawai'i in November. That would be a bad time, I told her, because I will still have night classes. She was at work, so we did not chat very long.

When I returned to Hawai'i Kai, I saw a brand new Toyota Highlander out in front of moms' house. It was parked conspicuously so all the neighbors could see it. The Ninja Turds bought a new car. What a stupid decision! Perhaps they are moving back in with moms. That's exactly what happened when the Turds first moved in with moms. I could hear Mrs. Turd going on and on. I quickly changed and went on a late afternoon version of my tanning hike. I did not make it all the way up Koko Head. At least I got some semblance of exercise. After dinner, I lapsed into a coma in my favorite chair. That's the kind of excitement I am privy to these days. While I was at Chez Loser, I managed to chat with Ron, the resident manager. We chatted briefly about the disposition of Chez Loser. He suggested that I rent the place out instead of selling. He knew for certain that units like mine brought in about $1,500 per month. He also said that there was a definite shortage of rental units, and military families were the primary market. Kane'ohe Marine Corps Air Base is situated right between Kane'ohe and Kailua. Anyway, there is nothing to do at Chez Loser except to get hammered. Last week, Shirley suggested that I buy a tube. I told her that I may give her the keys to the place. That way, she can come by and check on it for me during the week. She probably wants some entertainment, but I cannot afford those amenities. Sometimes I think that babes believe money grows on trees. Sheesh!

As for the situation between Shirley and Erin, I have decided that it has nothing to do with me. Until Shirley tells me her version of the story, there is no way to draw any conclusions. Shirley has been and will always be a good friend. And, even if the story is entirely true as I heard it, so what? We all make foolish mistakes. I write about my own in the journal. Although it may seem as though my time is exclusively spent writing disparaging remarks, that's not really true. I record everything including my own feelings at the time. When I end up looking like an idiot later, it remains part of history. Unfortunately, I had to prune quite a few of my more momentous tidbits of foolery from the journal. So sad.

Sunday October 17

Well, petrol prices are up to $2.30 per gallon for the lowest octane here in Hawai'i. Has that stopped the insane driving spree? Hell, no! Traffic is even worse now. Mortgage interest rates have gone down. The fear that rates would skyrocket has been a bunch of crap. Thus, home prices should continue to rise. I only pray that universal karma finally comes around for that O'Reilly prick. I've been waiting for the day when these sleazy, self-righteous assholes take a fall. These clowns all suffer from repressed sexuality, something I've discussed many times before. Repressed sexuality manifests itself in deviant forms of thinking and behavior. Usually, these sick bastards are rich and well connected, so they (and their deviance) are easily covered up. Well, half of the nation has the same IQ as a brick, with a good portion falling even lower to the level of a doorknob. That explains why all of this shit continues to happen. The real culprit is the damned tube. It turns the mind to mush. How else can we explain the sheer number of brain donors out there?

I had contemplated staying in Hawai'i Kai today, but all I would have done is lapse into a coma in my favorite chair. So, I made the benign journey to Kane'ohe again. The bus trip both ways was much better today. I immediately poured out a glass of wine. I looked around for something to do. It turns out that I did a half-ass job cleaning the oven. It is supposedly a self-cleaning model. There was a lot of charred crap along the bottom. After I cleaned it, I turned the oven on full blast to carbonize any residue. Then, I sat around and got good and hammered. I left for town around 3pm. I transferred to the next bus heading to Kahala Mall. I spent a few minutes in Barnes & Noble. My favorite babe was working there. I realized right away that my resolve was weakening again. I quickly departed. When I arrived in Hawai'i Kai, I immediately lapsed into a coma in my favorite chair. When I came to, I felt shitty. That's putting it lightly. I can't do this anymore, but I continue anyway.

Well, my final comment as I listen to House Music into the night is that I included the disillusioning information of the other day as a litmus test for something I sense to be peculiar. As you know, the last few years of the journal is completely locked out from search engines. In addition, it is no longer indexed, and there is a huge gap in the last volume because I never finished pruning a few chapters. Let's see what happens next.

Monday October 18

I walked to the gym in Koko Marina this morning. I was a little perturbed because I realized that I forgot my towel halfway there. I had to walk back to get it. I was trying to enjoy my morning workout because I will have morning classes at the Asylum from tomorrow. The bus ride to town was pleasant. This was the first day that the bus has not been completely full. I did not have a good experience in my classes. It's the damned mid-life crisis kicking in again. No, it has nothing to do with young hotties. I have been questioning my paltry existence again. I've been living from paycheck to paycheck. The days in between don't seem to matter. It's as if two weeks just disappears from my life, and I've got nothing to show for it. Well, I have Chez Loser and a few other possessions to give my life some legitimacy, I suppose. However, that's only in the eyes of people whom I could care less about. I have six weeks before the Big Five-O, and I don't even seem fazed. The undercurrents, though, run deep. To the casual observer, all of this seems foolish and easily solved. That's because no one is facing the Big Five-O in just a matter of days. This is akin to the proverbial death knell. As I've said before, my problem is that I do not own a tube. Life would be much easier if I could sit in front of the stupid thing and fall into a stupor like the majority of people in the world. When the brain turns to mush, there really is little cognizance left. Thus, bliss is possible.

This is the secret to The Master's serene life. If he's not at work, then he's in front of the tube. The more exposure to the tube and the benign programming associated with it, the more sedated one becomes. This is Viktor Frankl's strategy for survival gone awry. When Frankl was interned in the Nazi prison camps, he used his mind to live beyond the electrified fences. In modern life, people escape the confines of boredom and wage slavery in a similar way. However, nothing is left to the imagination. The mind is a passive observer and is duped into believing that it truly is somewhere else. Thus, both the mind and body atrophy. Frankl had already devised a term to describe this phenomenon, namely the "existential vacuum." I have always included my observations of the tube in modern life. A short walk in any neighborhood at night will provide proof as the familiar blue flickering light emanates from every living room window. The Circuit City ads prove that the tube is a big seller, especially now with HDTV and plasma screens. Heck, even CompUSA is selling tubes. There's no escape from the tube.

In my mind's eye, I see all that has gone wrong with society, but I am in the minority. My only choice is to conform, but I refuse to do so. I refuse to put myself under the hypnotic trance of the tube. The passive mind, unable to nurture itself, craves more and more entertainment. It's a vicious circle. Soon, the tube is on almost every waking moment. Only a power failure reveals the sheer desolation felt by a deprived, sedated mind. That's why values have disappeared. That's why families and relationships are destroyed. That's why there are so many brain donors out there. That's why we're in Iraq. And, that's exactly why people love Shrub. In the end, the corporate sponsors have won. We are all controlled by those who control the media. Didn't Marshall McLuhan predict this over three decades ago?

Tuesday October 19

I had stopped by the Asylum yesterday before I went to the gym again in the afternoon. I had to submit my syllabi. This was the last day of the first six-week term. The next term starts tomorrow. Kevin was still there when I arrived. He told me that Kim had gone off on him when asked about the faculty training sessions. The computer faculty are being paid to train the other faculty. I will not be involved because I have classes at the Diploma Mill at the same time the workshops are to be offered. Kevin allegedly wanted to make sure that he was going to be paid. Kim lost it. "She crumpled up the schedule and threw it on the table," he said. It's quite obvious that the Asylum is coming apart at the seams. The core is rotten. At the faculty meeting last week, I noticed dark circles around Kim's eyes, similar to someone "tweaking" on Ice. "It's even worse than it was with Roach," I commented.

The new term at the Asylum began. The stress level amongst the faculty is increasing. Joanne said that Kim had told her, "There's the door if you don't like it." There's a lot of nonsense going on. I am trying to stay below the radar. Let me just skip over to later in the evening. Kevin called. He said that he received an e-mail from Kim. Apparently, Kim is trying to schedule him for two night classes. He was trying to manipulate me to take those classes. He added that Kim threatened to hire a new computer instructor if he refused. He then tried to persuade me that I would be preserving my own job by taking over his night classes. So, he wants me to give him and Layton all of my day classes, leaving me with night classes that run until 10pm. Naturally, I would reduce myself to part-time, and I'd lose my health benefits. This is how bad the backstabbing is getting. The way things are going, "Samhain" will have his way very soon. I've already known that I cannot trust Kevin. I will be curious to see what he engineers to set me up for a fall. I hope that these machinations eventually lead to Kevin's termination. I am tired of hearing about his Buddhist ways, only to see him contradict himself time and again with his acts of betrayal.

Wednesday October 20

If these stupid fuckheads would stop being so selfish, then the situation at the Asylum might be tolerable. I am just trying to make it to the end of the year. However, these desperate fools like Kevin will stop at nothing to insure that they are the only ones left standing. What these idiots do not see is that "Samhain" has already decided how the faculty will all eventually be reduced to part-time status in order to cut their health benefits. Kevin also told me that one of his students is going to file a complaint against Juanita, the only evening computer instructor. I believe that Kevin persuaded the student to come forth. This is his modus operandi as I am certain that he was responsible for the complaint filed against me by Joe, another student, a few months ago. Kevin's plan actually backfired because the paperwork was conveniently lost. The complaint is not part of my employment record. I still laugh when I think about how the former friend accused me of betrayal. She has never been betrayed like this.

Kevin also tried to vilify Wayne, another instructor and fellow Buddhist. However, I am certain that Wayne is not involved in any of these sinister machinations. The more that I play dumb in front of Kevin, the more brazen he becomes. He's just like Roach, only sneakier. For the time being, I am just doing my job. I put all my effort into running a tight ship at both the Asylum and the Diploma Mill. This is all that keeps me going. Incidentally, I saw Barbara, the math faculty who has been asking questions about my class. She was also one of the interviewers when I tried for the Visiting Professor position. I was standing at the elevators with Layne, one of my students. She saw me and quickly looked away. What does that tell you? It is also highly coincidental that my evaluations are often higher than the regular math faculty. In addition, I am one of the few who are listed on the RateYourProfessor.com site. I do a good job. I don't complain. I stay out of the politics. Yet, I am still a target.

An uneventful day, which was a blessing. I must leave for town early every morning now. I have a morning class every day at the Asylum for the next six weeks. The faculty are all at wit's end. No one has been able to do any adequate preparation for their classes. Judith and I have sections of the same math class at the same time. So, we have decided to do the team teaching method for half the week. I chatted with Erin again while she ate her lunch. Naturally, we discussed the situation with Shirley. Erin said that the alleged affair took place during the month of May. Erin added that they were not talking to each other before Shirley went on the trip to Las Vegas. That was in the early part of June. The whole incident is still baffling to me. It was also in May that Shirley contacted me by phone because the former friend had called her. She also sent e-mail saying that she was spending more time with Seth. Erin was just as puzzled as I about the attempted hook up with Lance back in March. Erin did not know why things ended abruptly. She did say that Shirley spent the night at his place once when she was too drunk to drive home. Later, Shirley told me that he was too much of a party guy. They apparently did not do da wild thing. I am now beginning to wonder if the latter is really true. The whole chronology is suspicious. Why did Shirley decide to hook up with Lance when he clearly wasn't her type? Why did she compromise her friendship with Erin by becoming involved with Erin's estranged husband? He wasn't her type either. And now, she hooked up with Jason because "things just kind of happened." It is obvious that Erin felt betrayed, which is something I am used to every single day.

I facilitated my classes at the Diploma Mill and did a quick workout at the gym. Then, I was off to the Asylum for my night class. Almost all of the day instructors are teaching at night, so it has actually been a lot of fun. Milton, one of the IT guys, leaked a preliminary schedule for the next two terms to me. I made copies and passed them around. Most of the faculty were distressed. It looks plainly clear that there is a strategy to force everyone to drop to part-time status. We are all doing split shifts. We have to be at the Asylum early in the morning, and we have night classes three nights per week. It's too grueling. Kevin will not be able to give his night classes to me because I am already scheduled for nights. Even Wayne told me, "I think you're right about all of this." At this point in time, I am the only faculty member who is not stressed out. It's odd, isn't it? I am working my ass off to do a good job in my classes. I am fatigued, but I am not really overburdened. I am enjoying what I do. I try not to ponder anything about the politics. As I've said before, it's totally out of my hands. I am waiting for universal karma to take effect. Finally, my Panda Express fortune cookie's fortune read, "Your hard work is about to pay off." Let's hope so!

Thursday October 21

I chatted with Erin again today. She gave me a few more details about the sordid affair. Apparently, her husband had told her about what transpired. He told her that Shirley would call the next day. Erin had not heard from Shirley for a while. Shirley called two days later. Erin said that the conversation was awkward. They were on the phone for 30 minutes, but the actual conversation was only a few minutes. "There was a lot of silence," she added. Shirley admitted to having developed feelings for Randy and that she felt bad. She wanted to remain friends with Erin, but Erin refused. "What would you do if you were in my place?" Erin asked. Shirley said that she would maintain the friendship. "It must be the high school mentality," Erin told me. I can find no rationale. Erin was separated but not divorced from her husband. Essentially, they were still married. So, technically, Shirley had an affair with a married man. Erin also mentioned that her relationship with Shirley was strained when the latter had called Randy to reprimand him for something he did to Erin. Erin had told her that in confidence. Shirley must have thought that she was helping, but it made things worse for Erin. That's also when Erin realized that Shirley was communicating by phone with Randy. I am not even sure what to make of this.

The Asylum was still in chaos this morning. The faculty are quite upset about the new schedule. Naturally, Kevin went to Kim's office to tell her that he cannot do any night classes. I am sure that he's using that lame story about his three jobs. I am still sociable to Kevin, but I am guarded with him as well. I have observed that he is rarely telling the truth these days. In fact, he's doing everything to protect his interests. Last night, I observed that Joe, the student who filed the formal complaint against me, was sitting in the room next to my class. It was highly suspicious. I am certain that someone put him up to it. Was it Kevin? Everyone has gone in to see Kim, the Director of Education, about the schedule. That is, everyone except me. I am waiting for the dust to settle. "Samhain" is apparently arriving next Monday. The stress level will be high. I facilitated my afternoon class at the Diploma Mill. Then, I went to the gym. I only chatted briefly with Pseudo-professor Ralph in the faculty computer room before I was off to the Asylum for my night class. I chatted briefly with some of the faculty. No one really knows what's going on. I was glad to leave the dump after my class. I am extremely fatigued.

Friday October 22

I saw Lori on the express bus this morning. We chatted for the duration of the trip. She's really looking hot these days. She was wearing jeans with a tight white top. Somehow that invoked images of when we used to do da wild thing. I told her about my driver's license fiasco. Lori always gets a good laugh over the stupid things that I do. She just returned from a trip to Oregon to help her daughter with college preparation. Another day at the Asylum. I realize now that my health is being affected by the dump. I never feel good when I am there. Then, I must deal with people whom I do not care for. I always have to watch my back because of the constant stream of betrayals. My classes at the Diploma Mill were mediocre. Most of my students are lethargic and unresponsive. Or, they are often rude and lippy. I had a stupid, fucking Black bitch give me shit today. She said that I was like a five-year-old who needed a lot of attention. This is her take on my attempt to get people to open up more in class. This is the same stupid ho' who had confided in me that she was filing a police report against some Black guy who called her a "bitch." Universal karma will prevail. The loser who hooks up with her is probably going to kick her ass good. The majority of the students at the Diploma Mill are now from the mainland, which explains everything. Almost all of the faculty agree that the European and Asian foreign students are the best behaved and highest performing of them all. The mainland kids are mostly a bunch of foul-mouthed punks. Each of them is dumber than a knob.

I chatted with Pseudo-professor Dorothy. She said that she's losin' it. She jokes around about it, but I think she's really telling the truth. I feel the same way. I am rapidly approaching the Big Five-O. What I really want to do is throw everything out the door, so to speak. I want to completely wipe the slate clean and live a leisurely life. No worries. No schedule. The real problem is not the fact that I'm a wage slave. No, the real problem is that I have so little time left. I don't want to waste my life dealing with petty pricks and assholes. By the way, I do have some good interactions with students. One of my students, Dave, is starting up a paintball club. He asked me to be the faculty advisor. Soon I will be the faculty advisor for two clubs. I also chatted with Maja, a student in my math class. She said that she really enjoyed my class. She's from Kosovo. Well, the weekend is upon us. I'll be doing the same old thing (read: getting hammered) until one day I finally say, "I can't take it anymore!"

Saturday October 23

I neglected to mention that I ran into Rico, the student in my math class who is forming the martial arts club. Yes, I am the faculty advisor for the club. Rico is a funny guy. He keeps bringing up the instructor from his communication class. He said that she's a hottie, and she's also in my age group. By the way, most of my students believe that I'm in my thirties. Her name is Pseudo-professor Malina. When I saw Pseudo-professor Dorothy, I asked if she knew of the latter because they are in the same department. She said that she did. In fact, Dorothy was chatting with her the other day in the faculty computer room when I was there. Then, it clicked. Yes, she is an older babe, probably mid-thirties. She's a hottie. I've also seen Mary Ann several times in the past few weeks. She's still a hottie.

One of the guys who rides the express bus works as a mid-level administrator at the Diploma Mill. He usually fills me in about available positions. He was astonished at the sheer number of new employees who were formerly with the Asylum. Danny and Roxanne are the latest. Somebody is aiding in their recruitment as well as thwarting my plans. Many of these people are Roach loyalists. I mentioned that it was a big mistake to hire former Asylum staff. The latter are marked by corruption, cronyism, and stupidity. These are the people who were responsible for the demise of the Asylum.

Moms prepared all kinds of food, so I knew the Ninja Turds were coming. I can't stand seeing those losers, so I left for Chez Loser. The benign journey is really centered around the aggravating bus ride. Aside from that, I do nothing at Chez Loser except get hammered. The bus to town was 15 minutes late just like last week. It's the same driver. He then drove even slower, making sure that we caught almost every red light along the way. That's a favorite trick to get more rest time. So, I missed the No. 65 bus, the most reliable route to Kane'ohe. I had to wait 15 minutes for the No. 55, which surprisingly came on time and was not crowded. I got off near Safeway in order to purchase a big-ass bottle of Vendage Chardonnay. I walked to Chez Loser. Immediately I began guzzling the fine vintage. I was hammered in no time. I passed out on the floor a few times. When I came to, I staggered around the dump to fill my wine glass. I decided to leave a little later than usual. I walked out to the bus stop at 4:15pm. There were a lot of people there, so I knew that the No. 55 was late. The No. 65 is more reliable but it comes once per hour, and I usually miss my connecting bus. The No. 55 finally arrived a full 31 minutes late. Naturally, we inched along at a snail's pace. At the last stop before the Pali Highway, the driver got off the bus. He talked with the driver of the bus behind us, which I knew was the next No. 55 bus. That bus was on time. We had to get off the bus and board the other one. I was cussing about how shitty the bus service was. When I arrived in town, I took the next bus to Kahala Mall. I had just missed the bus that I needed by two minutes. The next bus would not arrive for another hour. I got off at Kahala Mall. I was still hammered and extremely hungry. I walked to Carl's Jr. and bought a Super Star burger for the rip-off price of $3.69 plus tax. I really enjoyed the burger, though. I haven't eaten at Carl's Jr. since I left Cali six years ago. I spent the rest of the time at Barnes & Noble. I finally arrived back in Hawai'i Kai at 7:35pm.

Each week, it takes me longer and longer to get to and from Kane'ohe. This almost four-hour trip almost made me go ballistic. The bus service usually gets shitty when the assholes are ready to go on strike. They are already the second highest paid bus drivers in the nation. The City is planning to implement its Bus Rapid Transit system, which is another type of express route. Naturally, it only serves Waikiki. About 50 percent of the buses serve Waikiki, and often the buses are empty. The rest of us who do not need to go to Waikiki have to put up with the shitty service from extremely long sporadic routes that make no sense. There is no sense in calling to complain. The complaint line is an answering machine. It's always full and unable to take messages. That should tell you something. Little wonder why no one wants to ride the bus except the poor and destitute. In the meantime, traffic just continues to get worse.

Moms' living room is stacked with crap for the garage sale. I can just imagine that the Turd's one-bedroom apartment is stuffed to the ceiling with tons of shit. When they moved out of moms' place five years ago, they had to dump a lot of crap. Obviously, the Turds have not learned their lesson. Sheesh! On a final note, I have a feeling that Lori still read this journal. When we were talking about the my driver's license fiasco, she said, "That would make good fodder for the journal ... well, if you still keep it going." I have not heard from Shirley in two weeks which also makes me wonder. Maybe somebody told her about the latest entries. It doesn't really matter. I only have a short time left on this planet. I don't need to answer to anyone anymore.

To be continued ... Go to E.11

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