|LoserNet Home | Index | Previous | Next Old Man Stories and Other Strange Tales|
... Journal of Life
Saturday January 1, 2000
Welcome to the New Millennium! Are we still here? Actually, I knew we would be. The computer nerds have had their day. Now, it's over. Sheesh! I had a strange dream the other night. I had met a very voluptuous young babe. What made the dream so unusual is that I saw her face in extreme detail. She has long, dark hair. I was enamored by her beauty. She was a goddess. When I woke up, I felt as though I had lived another lifetime somewhere else with her. If she were here right now, I would cast aside my monk lifestyle in reckless abandon. I rarely have dreams that are so real and vivid as this one. When I do, I wonder if the dream means something. Even in the Good Book, dreams were the medium for prophecy. Yet, I wonder, who was that babe? I have never seen her before.
Barbara, John, and I went for a long hike through Forest Park in the hills adjacent to where Barbara lives. It was a cold, muddy hike since we have had intermittent rain for the last two days. The air was so fresh and clean in the forest. We spent about three hours there. Prior to the hike, I had prepared the chili for dinner. When we returned, we ended up burning the chili in a classic lavahead mishap. After dinner, we went to the video store to find another video. The rest of the evening was relaxing. Today was my last day in Portland. I will be leaving for Hawa'i in the morning. John is taking a train back to Seattle. And, Barbara will be flying to Cali.
I had a great time here and in Seattle. It's too bad that I didn't have more time to do the male bonding thing with Paul. Nonetheless, Barbara was a great hostess. She treated John and I to a very memorable New Year's Eve dinner. Lizbeth (author of Cruel Love) was right when she said that it was best that I not spend this particular New Year's holiday by myself. I may not have a babe but I certainly have some good friends. This was not just any New Year's celebration. It will be the only time in our lives that we pass through a new century and a new Millennium at the same moment. Maybe it sounds a little contrived, but I want to wish all of us the best in this new era. Yes, this is a new era. True, there is no difference between yesterday and today. The Earth and the Heavens see nothing new. For us, it is symbolic. Yet, how many of us will take this moment and realize that the changes we've always been talking about should finally be initiated. The associated procrastination must end. Let us place the importance where it should be. Let this be our reference point forward. Let us no longer look back to the old Millennium. It's gone. We cannot cling to the past any further.
I cannot stress enough about what is in my heart. Yes, the wine flowed like water last night. If I could, I would have shattered the wine glass in the fire, just like in those cheesy movies. We are like children now, borne into a new life, if we so choose. There are no resolutions this year. Let us make the real journey now. And, when we stumble and fall, let us us help each other up. Let us define our destinations. Really, we all are heading in the same direction no matter what. Let's just make sure that we all make it there.
Sunday January 2
Barbara took me to the airport early this morning. So, I spent my last few minutes in Portland staring at the peculiar architecture of the airport terminal. The flight back was not memorable. The tourists were more annoying than usual. Then, I had to deal with the city bus. I was no longer relaxed. I could have easily imbibed in the Keystone ritual. Why didn't I? Well, it's the Millennium, my friends. That was then, this is now.
When I returned home, I discovered that moms had thrown out my favorite shorts. Those are the very same ones I am wearing in the LavaheadCam splash screen. Those shorts are internationally famous. I was somewhat perturbed. In addition, all of those strange growths on the face of stone have been itching badly. So, I applied a liberal dose of hydrocortisone. All the while I was thinking about that babe in my dream. She somewhat resembles the babe in the photo (at right).
I am extremely tired. I could use an extra day before returning to wage slavery. Right now, all I can think about is selling everything I own. The six-four. The Bose Acoustic Wave. Wait a minute! That's all I own. I must keep my beloved computer, of course. I'll have to get a new computer that has a DVD drive so I can watch hurdy-gurdies. I need to see Jenna Jameson in action! Yowza! What the hell am I talking about? I'm a damned monk! The fatigue is affecting me. I need some rest.
Monday January 3
As I stood in front of my class, I felt some apprehension. The whole situation seemed alien to me. I really should just be a K-Mart greeter. That's my kind of career. My apprehension apparently did not deter me from going to the community college to finalize the contract for the class I have been assigned. Why did I do that? If I didn't want a Z3, I could easily work at K-Mart or Burger King. I had to take the bus to the community college. As I waited at the bus stop, I observed the locals waiting there, too. In fact, there were only locals. Obviously, most of them don't work and don't own cars. There wasn't a single haole. The class distinction is painfully clear.
In catching up with the e-mail queue, Mike (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote an interesting comment concerning the situation with moms:
As one who cared for a parent, all I can say is keep doing the right thing. You are all she has, all the others seem to have done is take. But you don't need $, all you have to do is be there for her, helping her when you can. It makes all the difference in the world, and that means more than all the big bank in the world, any damn day. Stay the course, you won't regret it.
He's right. My purpose is clear. Still, I have to wonder. Can I remain a lonely monk forever? And, why do I start gurgling whenever I see babes?
Tuesday January 4
I was hoping that the Y2K problem would inadvertently have solved my financial woes. Denied again! Well, that left no choice but for me to put my Bose Acoustic Wave up for sale. I've only had one contact about my six-four. The last I heard, there was some talk about "the budget." Why look for a car if one is on a "budget"? Just take the damned bus already. Sheesh! Maybe I can talk the dealer into giving me a new Z3 for free, eh? Speaking of which, I discovered that the standard markup for cars is 10 percent over invoice. So, what was the deal that Caroll was going to give me? List price? I don't think I can trust anyone especially when it comes to money.
Well, I'm beyond broke now. I'm in debt and in collection. My credit cards have been canceled. I cannot even buy my Keystone. I have limited myself to one dollar to spend on lunch each day. It's kind of pathetic but a fitting end for a true loser. I have even signed up with one of those free ISPs. Yep, I can't even afford to pay for access to the Net. I may also quit the gym. That's okay. It's the Millennium and I am just happy to be here. If I put my best foot forward, then one day I may succeed. For now, it's just another trial. Another tribulation put forth by the sinister kahuna. After a while, there are so many tribulations that I don't even notice them anymore.
Wednesday January 5
I had to ask moms to find my birth certificate last night. She keeps important paperwork stored in a box in her closet. I saw moms sifting through the box in the living room. It must have brought back many memories as she spent over an hour looking at everything. The whole history of my family is in that little cardboard box. It's really strange and somewhat sad that our lives can be reduced to a small stack of paperwork or summed up in a pathetic Web journal. What is it all worth?
I had to return to the community college again today. I haven't been impressed by what I've seen so far. There is clearly a lack of professionalism. Could it be because the campus is staffed mostly with locals? I think you already know the answer. I later spoke with a colleague at the university who has taught at another community college campus. He was not impressed either. He also related some of the same problems I've experienced with the local students. I am beginning to wonder if there is any hope for the locals.
Of course, I exhibit the same kind of stupid thinking as the other locals. Here I am, broke as hell, and all I can think about is the Z3. Today, I pondered whether I should buy a 5-Series BMW sedan. Who knows? I may keep my six-four and buy a Z3. Don't you just love the look of the Z3? I wonder if the babes will like it? Babes, cheap beer, and cars. That's all there is to life. Hey, wait a minute! Perhaps I have not surrendered to the monk ways. I have to get my priorities straight. All I need is a bus pass and my hand!
Thursday January 6
With a few days left before my first class at the community college commences, I find myself waiting for anyone to send me the course materials. I've been to the campus twice and have only received promises. You see, I cannot get the textbook until the former professor gives his copy back. Can you see why the educational system in Hawai'i is in trouble? To add fuel to the fire, one of my students at the business college almost erupted in rage because she thought that I was always belittling the locals. The situation is out of control. I had lunch with Malia, the student who made the gingerbread lavahead and also gave me a coffee mug. We ate at Murphy's, which was the highlight of my day. Why can't I just retire and become a hurdy-gurdy star?
I don't think that I could impersonate a professor for ten more years. I thought that teaching at the college level would be devoid of the high school mentality. Boy, was I wrong! Maybe if I had a babe and I was doin' da wild thing all the time, then I could better tolerate the stupidity. The worst part is that I have discovered that I have some implied responsibilities. Apparently, I have to teach these brain donors the rules of etiquette as well as common sense. Now I see why many of many of my colleagues are only concerned about payday. That's about all there is to look forward to.
I've got to sit down and think calmly. I've been acting like I've only got two years left before the end comes. Lord knows I've already wasted at least 20 years of my life. Buying a Z3 isn't going to make up for all of that Tom foolery. I've been looking for the meaning of life in all the wrong places. Perhaps I see things in a different perspective because I have avoided the fire water. But, how long can I stay on the wagon?
Friday January 7
The highlight of my day was when I gave in and installed Internet Explorer on my beloved computer. I have no idea why I did this. I suppose that boredom is taking its toll. As I am in financial ruins, I cannot do much else. I'll be staying close to home from now on. So far, no temptation to imbibe in the fire water. So, what shall I do this weekend?
I've been waiting for the gym to open its new location in Hawai'i Kai. There have been conflicting stories about the actual location. It turns out that the new gym will be in the same place that the gym that went out of business. So, it's going to be a small gym. That's okay with me. As long as I have a place close by. I'll continue to go to the gym until my membership runs out. Maybe I'll have some dough by then. In the meantime, my computer will be the focal point of my life. Communications. Entertainment (crummy software, hurdy-gurdies). Survival. Sheesh!
Saturday January 8
Bored and sober. What a day I'm having! Actually, I spent most of the day doing yardboy chores. Later in the evening, I went to Kahala Mall to look around. I also stopped in Barnes & Noble. For some reason, I really didn't want to be there. Yep, I'd rather be home with my pathetic notebook computer. Maybe I'm in a funk (as Steph would say). Maybe it's fire water withdrawals. Or, maybe it all because of the lack of da wild thing! Sheesh! Perhaps we should look at viewer mail. Danno (email@example.com) wrote:
First off, the Z3 is a piece of garbage, here on the east coast, the only guys who drive these cars are either gay or are not packing enough equipment. Keep the 6 4. Chicks dig jeeps, no matter how old. With a paint job (499.00) new tires, rims and suspension work (1,000.00) and a new powerplant (min. 2,500.00), you can have, oh I forgot, a new interior (?).. Forget what i said ... Buy the Z3 ...
That's another thing. The more I think it , the less I understand why I need another vehicle. It's time for me to put the Z3 on the back burner. Rather than think of new ways to waste money, I should unbox my Bose Acoustic Wave and listen to it. I could also spend more time working on the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). Oh brother. Whenever I work on the Virtual Harem, my mind feels as though it's going to snap. And, that is not even real hurdy-gurdy material. Imagine if I bought one of those DVD players like the Palm Theater and watched hurdy-gurdies all the time. That gives a whole new meaning to the name, Palm Theater. Did Panasonic have that in mind when it came up with that name?
Sunday January 9
I have finally returned to reality. I am no longer entertaining the idea of owning a Z3. I'll just keep my beloved six-four for the time being. Therefore, I bought a wall clock, a torchiére lamp, and a stylin' halogen lamp. You may be wondering why. Well, some of the furnishings in moms' house are over 30 years old. Some are just plain pathetic. So. I decided that I will gradually retrograde a few of those items. And, why not? Since I have put the Z3 on the back burner, I have nothing else to spend my non-existent dough on. Another reason is that moms spends a lot of time reading. The old lamp is probably the reason why moms has become partially blind.
I try to keep as busy as possible during the weekends. Hard as it may be to believe, I do quite a few chores during the weekend. Yet, that is not enough to keep me fully occupied. So, I ended up buying some cheap brewskis this afternoon. If I can't keep myself occupied, I'll drown my boredom with fire water. That's probably why I need a babe. You're probably wondering what happened to the monastic vows. In the monastery, monks are kept busy all the time. Can you figure out why? It's simple! The busier one is, the less likely one will ruminate about babes. Sheesh!
I have no idea why I can't stop thinking about babes and da wild thing. I'm supposed to be a monk. If I could do da wild thing all day long, I'd forget the monk lifestyle. In fact, I'd forget about going to work as well. Can I get a doctorate specializing in da wild thing? I already have an idea of what my dissertation would be about. Man, what has brought me to this level of debauchery? Is it the fire water? Is it Palm Theater? Say what? Can I get a witness? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
Monday January 10
At first, I thought it was the fire water. I felt ill after I consumed an enormous quantity of Natural Light beer. Who wouldn't take ill after that? I had a slight fever and experienced recurring chills through the night. By morning, my throat was sore as well. I was dizzy for most of the day. Looks like I got a taste of the flu. I was groggy all day. I forgot my gym socks so I had to wear my cheesy dress socks with my cheap Payless gym shoes. Too bad I didn't have my digital camera with me. I also dropped my new toothbrush onto the dirty gym floor. What a day! And, I almost ran into the handmaiden. She was walking by with her trash queen buddy as I was about to exit a building.
The sight of the handmaiden still makes me irate, which means that I have some unresolved issues remaining. Thick as she has gotten, she still carries herself with an air of arrogance and superiority. It all goes to show that money does not buy class. Trash is always trash. Whereas, I have accepted my low social status. Yet, I find it odd that many of my students are seemingly in awe of the ol' lavahead. A local boy teaching at a prestigious university. It is a whimsical illusion at best. I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut. I use that illusion, though, to spur initiative and promote success. It is a tiring battle and I am growing weary by the day. The only highlight of my day was that I found pictures of my new dream gym babe. So, I put them in the latest volume of the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). Man, why can't I have a babe like that? Sheesh!
Tuesday January 11
Perhaps this cold (or whatever it is) is making me irritable. I have no idea why I was perturbed by the sight of the handmaiden. Well, maybe it's because of my situation. Let's look at the latest case of stupidity. My first class at the community college was today. I had no materials to work with because no one came through at the administrative end. So, I went a little early only to find that everyone was out on extended lunch. The paperwork I needed was somewhere on the Dean's desk but no one else knew where. The textbook was not returned by prior faculty. In calling the department head, I was told that it was "out of [his] area" and he did not know why the people who usually handled it failed to do so. I can tell you why in two words. State employees. I was told to go to the bookstore to get a loan copy and also order a desk copy. The bookstore manager told me that I had to buy the book and wait until my desk copy arrived before I would get reimbursed. Or, I could contact the publisher's representative on my own. Even the business college is much more professional and organized than this. Mind you, the community college is a part of the University of Hawai'i. Does that seem to explain why the educational system in Hawai'i is ranked near the bottom in the nation?
The students were almost identical in terms of personalities, initiative, and attention span to the students at the business college. So, it is safe to assume that the demographic composite I had created was fairly accurate. Needless to say, it becomes easier for me to understand why most of my colleagues who obtained contracts at the community colleges have said that they were "just in it for the money." Yes, the State pays well. It's just too comfy for those who are entrenched in the system. I have already been warned by outsiders to not make waves. You know me. The undercurrents eventually break into tidal waves.
So, that brings me back to the beginning. My anger is my own problem. It has nothing to do with the handmaiden. A colleague at the business college told me that she was beginning to see the world in a gloomy fashion because she had to constantly deal with the depressing lives of the locals. I can concur. The "have nots" live very pathetic lives filled with substance abuse, violence and all other forms of degeneracy. The rich have their share of problems but they can hide it with their opulence or escape to expensive getaways. The destitute have no place to go. They have to sit and rot along with the garbage. That depressing collage, which makes up most of my local student body, is getting to me as well.
Finally, my beloved cell phone had about 25 calls logged from four different numbers all from today. Odd that it has not rang in weeks until now. So far, the reverse directory search has yielded nothing. Oh, if only I could have been a hurdy-gurdy star. I could be doing da wild thing and getting paid. That's all I need. Sheesh!
Wednesday January 12
The Dean e-mailed from the community college to tell me that some of my course materials were in my mailbox on campus. Why wasn't it faxed as I requested? The textbook was not one of the items. So, I called the publisher's representative only to find out that she is away at a convention until sometime next week. The more I thought about all of this, the more I realized what was going on. The Dean's secretary is the one I had trouble with on the phone before. I believe that she has helped orchestrate this whole fiasco. It is a kind of revenge using the ohana system. Fortunately, I discovered that the publisher has put extensive materials on its Web site. So, you know how I will circumvent the stupidity. I've been schooled on the mainland. When are these stupid island lolos going to realize that they know nothing.
Mind you, I am a local myself and I am committed to the locals. In fact, I've helped place a few in internships and part-time jobs through my networking. My goal is to break this present generation of locals from the stupid ohana mentality that has basically been responsible for the demise of the economy. Right now, I win some allies but I also gain a few enemies. For the most part, the locals break my heart every single day. I will stand by them and continue my fight until I can do it no longer.
Thursday January 13
More crap at the community college. When I arrived, none of the promised course materials were in my mailbox. I went upstairs to the Dean's office only to end up dealing with the mastermind of the whole fiasco, the Dean's secretary. She told me to e-mail the Dean. Say what? Fortunately, the department head was in the office. He just happened to have the material and so he he quickly copied them for me. Then, the secretary informed me that my paperwork was incomplete. The documentation I brought in last week disappeared. She insinuated that I never came in since I could not identify the person who had assisted me that day. Miraculously, the documents reappeared. However, the paperwork is late so I won't get paid on time. Can you see that the whole thing was orchestrated? I'd like to tell the ugly ho' that she should wipe that ridiculous war paint off of her face because she's damned ugly. Nothing can hide that. She could only improve her appearance if she changed her disposition. Believe me, she might as well just call herself "Fido" already, if that's the case. It's a lost cause. I should have told her, "Get over it and get a life, you dumb ho'!"
The business college may be my savior in the long run. I am supposed to receive health benefits soon. That will certainly relieve me of some worries. On another note, a most precarious situation has developed. One of the babes (who is a current student) has taken a liking to the ol' lavahead. I certainly don't mind friendships with students but that's as far as it should go. I suppose that all of this is real life. That's the kind of reality I've always wanted to avoid. I also realize that I should no longer entertain foolish ideas like buying a new car. My goal is clear. I need to make enough dough to retire from this decadent society.
Friday January 14
Today was "office hours" day for me as it is every Friday. I have my office hours in the library at the business college. What's interesting is that I probably have the most lively office hours out of all of the faculty. Current and former students are always dropping by. Sometimes, it's like a big party. I asked another faculty member how his office hours were going. "It's a waste of time. I haven't had a student come in yet," he told me.
I went computer shopping with Malia this afternoon. She wants to buy an inexpensive desktop model. We looked at the usual places like CompUSA. Then, we ended up at the Ward Warehouse for lunch at the Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company restaurant there. After lunch, we drove back to the university so I could pick up the rest of my things. Malia wanted to check CostCo to see what was available there. So, we drove out to Hawai'i Kai. In the end, we found that there were no great computer deals anywhere. Not this week anyway. Malia drove me back home. I introduced her to moms. We thought we could catch a movie at the new theater complex in Koko Marina but the good features had already started. So, we'll put it off for another day.
You know, I've joked about my life throughout my tenure as CEO of LoserNet. And, I have made pathetic attempts at humor with idiotic stuff like the Virtual Harem and the LavaheadCam. Who is the ol' lavahead? Does he need an incredible gym babe? Will he ever become a hurdy-gurdy star? Is he really a monk? Whassup wi' dat? I thought I could return to the light-hearted humor of the days of old. Real life is catching up with me. Case in point. Pops has been going through chemotherapy treatments. To be expected, he has lost all of his hair. He has started on another series of treatments which is making me wonder what is going on. Malia and I talked about various aspects of our lives over lunch. I've not really shared much about my life with people unless they have asked. However, most of my thoughts are embedded within the minor humorous embellishments in the journal. It is the new Millennium but it will be be a stressful year as well.
Saturday January 15
I heard at least two people skulking around the back yard sometime after I had gone to bed. I got up and yelled out the window, "What the krunk is going on here!" I quickly got dressed and ran outside. There were a couple of punks standing around next door. There are three generations living in the house next door. The granddaughter has come of age and has discovered boys. I confronted the suspects. They denied everything. I told them that I was going to call the cops. The minute I was on the phone, I could hear them running up the street. It took the cops over 20 minutes to respond. However, I enjoyed talking with them.
I did absolutely nothing today. I had planned to go to the gym but that never happened. I also wanted to go back to CompUSA and buy a 3Com Palm PDA. I'm going to need it to keep track of my disjointed life. I decided to wait. The sales start tomorrow. If there is a decent computer in the ads, I may have to meet Malia there to help her purchase it. Well, I wanted to relax this weekend anyway. I'm pretty much over the cold I had all week. Thank goodness it wasn't the flu!
My only source of entertainment, NetRadio, has been letting me down. For some reason, there is now a segue of 15 minutes of nothing between songs. Of course, my lousy 56kbps connection doesn't help. I rarely connect even at 40kbps. Even when I am connected, I am often bumped off for no apparent reason. My access is through the university's substandard modem pool, which should suffice as the reason. I have no dough to subscribe to a real ISP. Then, I have to deal with the random "Fatal Exception Errors" which renders Windows useless. Good thing I haven't sold my Bose Acoustic Wave. I just have to get around to unboxing it. Sheesh!
That brings me to the subject of toys. The Bose Acoustic Wave. The digital camera. Soon, the Palm PDA. Once the novelty wears off, it's long forgotten. What if I had bought the Z3? I really need a new computer but I won't buy one. The Pentium 133 in the Fujitsu just cannot keep up with the new applications. The RAM recovery utility locks me out for about a minute each time it tries to recovery system resources. Like my life, it is a total joke. And, the joke is on me.
Sunday January 16
The Palm IIIe organizer is here! Yet another new electronic toy for the ol' lavahead. Actually, I'm moving toward a paperless monastery. I'm getting tired of the old scraps of paper I have used in lieu of an actual organizer. I'm not really impressed by this toy. I have a $9 version by Sharp that does about the same thing. Now that I have the Palm IIIe, I realize that I have nothing in my life to organize. The real power is its ability to synchronize with one's personal computer. Well, I won't be doing that because the Palm IIIe requires a dedicated serial port. I have only one serial port which must be shared with the digital camera. I won't even be using some of the real powerful features like e-mail synchronization. Riding on the express bus could have been a good time to catch up with e-mail off-line. As you can see, I have not responded to e-mail in a while.
I walked to the gym in Koko Marina. There wasn't much equipment in there. Most of the floor space has been devoted to the sales consultants. This location is only temporary. The permanent location will be in another building and it will be fairly large. I can't complain, though. Any workout is better than none. Perhaps I should just spend all my spare time playing with my new Palm IIIe. Sheesh!
Monday January 17
I spent quite a few hours inputting data to my Palm IIIe organizer. The more I use it, the more I like it. I was moved to buy the Palm IIIe because of Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. As you may recall, that's the book Barbara recommended. Covey went into considerable detail about organizing one's life. It wasn't until Paul (in Seattle) mentioned in passing how valuable his Palm Pilot was that I put two and two together. The major risk I run right now is that I have no backup copy of the data.
Moms spent most of the day cooking. So, you know who came over. Yep, my sister-in-law and nephew came by to pick up the food. My sister-in-law was hinting about moving to the mainland. Apparently, she and my bro believe they can do better there and purchase a house, too. Well, I'd say that they should be certain that they have jobs first before moving there. Deep down inside, I believe that the real purpose was to force moms to reconsider and let them move back into the house. They want to insure their claim to the property. If only they had spoken with me. I would have assured them that they can have the house provided that they save enough dough to buy my share. I have no nefarious intentions. That left me no choice but to go to the gym again. Mostly, it's just a waste of time because I only do 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Still, it's nice to have a gym nearby. I could have spent the weekend in a drunken stupor instead.
Tuesday January 18
Just me and my Palm IIIe! The community college experience is not improving. My one and only class there is disappointing. I have lost faith in my ability to run a class. The real problem is the locals. They are getting to me. I can only take the lack of interest and apathy for so long. Even my classes at the business college have improved drastically. Perhaps it's because I had a bad start. I won't have a syllabus in the students' hands until next week. And, I finally got a textbook. The stupid part is that the book was available all along. No one really knew where to get it. The Provost position for the campus is coming up. I'm seriously thinking about applying for it. I know that it's a waste of time but it may be worth a try. If hired, my first task would be to fire everyone on that floor of the administration building where all my troubles began.
I had lunch with Malia after class. I enjoy her company because she's been a good friend. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's not like that. I'm beginning to see that I really can't have a babe in my life. I'm not ready for one and I've never been ready for one. My Palm IIIe is the perfect companion! By the way, that's a great name, isn't it? Just like Palm Theater. I'd say that "Palm" is another word for "loser." Sheesh! I may fly to the Big Island next month to visit pops. I invited Malia to go along. Maybe that wasn't such a smart idea, eh? Shouldn't friends be able to do that?
Wednesday January 19
We have had a lot of rain so far this Winter and the temperatures have been much cooler than usual. I will finally receive health benefits but I have to pay for it with my non-existent earnings. Can you believe it? I am already beyond broke so I will pay for it. My paltry earnings effectively have a lien attached now as a result of the loan fiasco. Isn't it time for me to establish the LoserNet Foundation so I can accept charitable contributions?
As the days go on, I've noticed an increase in the mobile homes (read: shopping cart residences) that have been set up along Fort Street Mall. It's a sad sight and a real wake up call to people like myself who are on the verge of financial destruction. I carry on the façade of a working stiff fairly well. No one can tell that I really am as destitute and poor as the people sleeping on the sidewalk. What is somewhat hilarious is that the shopping cart people have more possessions than I do. Several of the more affluent of the group have up to four shopping carts full of stuff. Everything I own with the exception of my six-four can fit in one shopping cart. Yet, somehow I miraculously find myself with new toys like the Palm IIIe. Whassup wi' dat? My secret? I am the Sorcerer. Remember how Caine revealed the secret to becoming the Sorcerer in Shock to the System? The secret is in the palm of my hand. The Palm IIIe, that is. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
Anonder made an interesting observation in his Web journal of last month. He wrote:
I spent most of the day reading online journals. I'm starting to feel numb from exposure to such a profusion of consciousnesses in such a short period of time. I'm more and more convinced that all human minds are similar, and that artificial intelligence is inevitable, and that we have no free will, and that electronic relationships -- those between readers and writers of online journals, for example -- are a valid substitute for relationships between flesh-world humans.
I am surprised that he found time for such profound thought, what with da wild thing going on all the time. If I was doin' da wild thing all the time (which I never have since I am an eunuch), my mind would essentially be mush. Sheesh! Finally, I had another strange call on my cell phone originating from Kane'ohe. I did happen to find out that some of the mysterious calls I had a week ago were from Malia. She explained how easy it was to obtain my number from the business college office. All I need to know is how I can snake a shopping cart of my own.
Thursday January 20
My class at the community college has finally gotten a jump start. I photocopied some material and brought it with me. Upon arrival, I was pleasantly surprised to discover my syllabus printed days ahead of what I was told. My class is no longer happy because they made the rude discovery that there is a lot of work to do. I run all college level classes the same way that I do at the university. I'm not interested in minute details. I am more interested in competency and initiative. I had the same problems when I was a student. One factor was poor time management. Enter the Palm IIIe. If I had one of those back then, I would have done so much better. In these past few days, I've seen my efficiency increase because I have eliminated redundancy. I can organize events in clusters that make sense. Thus, I have increased my free time during the day. Well hey! I'm a minimum wage slave!
One area that I need to work on is my Net addiction. I spend far too much time on the Net. Heck, where else can I get free hurdy-gurdies? Errr ... I meant free Palm IIIe add-ons. After all, I'm a monk now. I chatted with Malia on the phone this evening. She was in a car accident this morning and could not make it to class. Back to the Net. I have stopped reading a few journals because of the very reason Anonder cited. I spend about four hours a night on my computer, most of the time on-line. It's about time I take some new pictures for the LavaheadCam. I carry my digital camera with me all the time but I have been preoccupied with class preparations. The university pulled a fast one as well. One of my classes was canceled and I was given a different class. It's a night class on Friday. Sheesh! What's worse is that I have not facilitated this class before and I have less than a week to get up to speed. Once again, the Palm IIIe came to my rescue!
Friday January 21
It's Friday night and all I have is the Net and my Palm IIIe to keep me company. Well, at least I haven't mentioned anything about the Keystone. Say what? I'm on the wagon. For now, at least. I should also give Malia some credit. The incidental friendship that we have has also made it possible for me to put the handmaiden into extremely distant memory.
The Palm IIIe has gotten a lot of attention. Everyone has been asking about it. When I show it to them, they are not impressed. Little do they realize the ultimate power of pure organizational efficiency. There are also a whole bunch of games that can be installed. A connected organizer with games. Isn't that the most stupid thing you've ever heard? Why go through the trouble of saving time only to waste it away by playing Palm Solitaire? Maybe it's time that I developed the Palm Chicken Choker.
The monk haircut has been restored. I getting right back on the monk track even amidst adversity. That's true conviction, my friends. I'm immune to the wily ways of the babes. I'm finally home! Here's a strange situation. I've been riding the express bus for over a year now. Just this week, some of the regulars started talking to me. I have no idea why.
Saturday January 22
I did absolutely nothing all day. I should have bought a suitcase of Keystone to help me kill time. There's only so much one can do with the Palm IIIe. I added a few more babes to the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). LoserNet is committed to providing the best in loser entertainment. You know, it's really hard to sit here at home and vegetate. However, I have no other choice. I have no dough.
It's getting more difficult just witnessing some of the idiocy that goes on around here. The kitchen sink backed up because it was clogged with crap. Moms poured a gallon of bleach in the sink. Why? The garbage certainly didn't need to look brighter or cleaner. The fumes were enough to poison us. I couldn't put any Drano or other chemical more suited to the task because, if it mixed with the chlorine, there would be two victims in the emergency room from toxic fumes inhalation. Moms' answer to all of this? "I've done it this way all this time." Just like the way she sprays toxic insecticide around the house full strength with no adequate protection. This is typical of the local ways. Ignorance and stubbornness make for a deadly combination. Yesterday, moms finally admitted that she needs a hearing aid. I've been telling her that for months. It only became evident to her when she realized that she has had difficulty hearing at her her religious meetings. Never mind that she may not hear a car coming as she is crossing the street. What can I do? All I know is that I need to get a life and soon. However, no dough, no life. That's not just an axiom. It's a paradigm. Sheesh!
Sunday January 23
Another convalescent kind-of-a-day. I spent a few hours working on my on-line syllabi. I also spent several hours waiting for my computer to connect to the Net. Then, I spent a few hours playing with my Palm IIIe computer. I also figured out how to run both the Palm Desktop and digital computer software through the same serial port. Man, have I got it goin' on, or what? I spent several hours on-line last night looking for free Palm software. I can't even afford shareware. Now that I have the Palm Desktop running, I can install the new software. Simple pleasures for simple minds.
Is this really what the new Millennium is about? Sheesh! Has anything changed? Not really. So, I had to buy a six-pack of Natural Light (read: cheap) brewskis. Instead of going to the gym, I did some 12-ounce arm curls. Well, no babe, no life. Why do you think that all of those monasteries produced fire water as a sideline? I wonder if I can come up with the Palm Babetm for the ultimate in handheld computing, if you know what I mean.
Monday January 24
Classes at the university commenced today. I can't say that I was very excited about that. Maybe it's premature burnout. One interesting tidbit. One of my new students was a Miss Universe contestant last year when the pageant was held at the Hawai'i Convention Center. She decided to return to Hawai'i as a student. All I can say is ... thank goodness I have the Palm IIIe!
As I close another chapter in the journal, I am listening to Hearts of Space on NetRadio and drinking a cheap brewski. I really want out of this lifestyle. I want to seek out seclusion but I can't since I have no dough. "Everything is vanity," said the Congregator. The quote from the Book of Ecclesiastes continues to haunt me. I am a simple man who wants to live a simple, quiet life. Nothing more, nothing less. The cheap brewski sure tastes good! Let's have another now, shall we? You and I, we've been through a lot together in the last four years, eh? Sometimes it's hard to believe. And, there's more to come.
To be continued ... Go to M.03
© Copyright 2000. All rights reserved.