Millennium ... Journal of Life

Tuesday January 25, 2000

Another rough day of classes. I am no longer sure if I am cut out for this. Fortunately, I ran into John, another colleague at the university. Hopefully, we will get together for lunch sometime to exchange some ideas. Lord knows, I'm fresh out of ideas. You see, I've come to realize that education is exactly like the game of life. It's all about politics, personality and popularity. I've learned to play the game well, but not well enough.

Malia and I had lunch today at Sbarro. Certainly a nice break from the stressful day. I installed a couple of freeware programs on my Palm IIIe. They were losers so I uninstalled them. I may have to upgrade to a Palm VII so I can get wireless Net access. Isn't that the only thing computers are good for? Heck, that's all my beloved notebook computer is set up to do. And, I have not had any time to take new pictures for the LavaheadCam. I chatted on the phone with Malia for an about an hour after I returned home. Then, I searched for more Palm IIIe applications. What a life!

Wednesday January 26

Today would have been a nice day had it not been for some skinhead on the express bus this afternoon. I was talking with one of the regulars with my gym bag placed on the seat next to me. "Skinhead" made an abrupt hand gesture for me to move my gym bag. Apparently, he could not be polite enough to speak since he was chewing his gum with his mouth open like a tough guy. He also wore a pair of nerd Euroglasses. I also might add that he wasn't a punk kid. He's some clown who works downtown. And, he was a haole. I've had my share of discrimination when I was on the mainland. I don't need to put up with that crap in my own home state. Sad to say, the incident made me wonder. Do the haoles really look down upon the locals as I've often suspected? "You rude [copulating] [rectum]," I said as he sat down. I was dressed in my gym outfit so he probably assumed that I was on welfare. I have a feeling that he's going to need a new pair of Euroglasses after I shove the old pair up his ass.

I'm a long way from being a true monk. I have once again disappointed myself. My anger can no longer be channeled in a constructive way. My class load will be reduced so I will make even less dough than I am making now, hard as that may be to believe. I also received a copy of my year-end financial summary. Last year, I charged about $2,900 in travel expenses and over $1,000 for fire water. That's more than I made in over two years. Sheesh! Do you see why I am a loser? On a lighter note, I found out that the former Miss Universe contestant who is a student in one of my classes represented Poland at the time. If you happened to view the pageant, then you may recall seeing her. I'm just glad that I have my Palm IIIe.

Thursday January 27

I've been unable to connect to the university modem pool so my time on the Net has been severely limited. There may be more reason for me to use my Palm IIIe for off-line e-mail. However, I would have to switch to Outlook Express from Communicator. If only my Palm IIIe could also serve as my main computer. I cannot believe the errors that my Fujitsu notebook computer generates. It constantly misses letters that I type because the processor isn't fast enough to service the buffer. That's what was wrong with the link to this current chapter as pointed out by Annie (in New Jersey). However, what would I talk about if I had a decent computer?

I have discovered that the success of my classes are directly attributable to the student assistants whom I've chosen. A few were bad choices but, for the most part, I've been impressed. I think I've finally found the answer to student motivation and learning. Today, my student assistants facilitated the class at the community college. I was impressed. The same phenomenon occurred at the business college. The apparent turnaround was effected because I have delegated much more responsibility to the students. It's the same methodology as used in graduate programs. Well, hey! That's the only time I did well in school!

I was hoping that "Skinhead" would be on the express bus this afternoon. I was ready, willing, and able to shove his Euroglasses up his ass. There will be another time, I suppose. Well, I have a stable Net connection as we speak. It's time for me to look for a Palm conduit for Netscape Communicator. I plan to carry my digital camera with me again. It's time to capture the images of decadent Hawai'i. Sheesh! Maybe I'll get a picture of "Skinhead."

Friday January 28

Today was my long day. I start at 8am and end at 8pm. I dreaded my night class assignment. After all, how can one realistically facilitate a class on Friday night? Actually. the class went well. I had the usual stoneface reception. I'm used to it already. Well, hey! I am the Original Stoneface! The night turned out to be fun. I caught a ride home with Robert, a faculty member at the university. I also met yet another faculty member so my networking is beginning to pay off. Robert and I stopped off at Kahala Mall and had coffee at Barnes & Noble. We talked about the situation. The babe situation, that is. I can really see that I've come a long way concerning this matter. My position now is that I am happy being single. I am satisfied with the casual friendships I have and I am not worried about anything beyond that.

Malia brought Fried Rice with Chinese Sausage and some Local-style Chicken that she made the night before. I had that for dinner during my break between classes. I can't even begin to tell you how delicious the food was. As you may have guessed, I am very impressed with Malia's cooking.

My thoughts are somewhat disjointed because of my long day. However, I have realized one thing. The political processes of human interaction have been foremost in formulating my empirical knowledge. These processes supersede all other skill sets. In essence, knowledge and expertise in any particular area is secondary to the awareness of the psyche and the psychology of communication. The power of the Sorcerer. In a way, I am disillusioned by all of this. Life is just one big dog and pony show. It's an illusion. A dream that makes no sense. After all, only payday counts.

Saturday January 29

Natural Light brewskis. Yardboy chores. Comatose ruminations. Another day in Paradise. I installed Eliza the Pocket Psychologist on my Palm IIIe. I grew bored with it fairly quickly so I uninstalled it. What else can I do? The modem pool is so screwed up that it takes me over three hours before I can successfully log on. I have no idea what is going on. I know it's not my modem since I have no trouble logging on to my ISP. If only I could afford unlimited access. The funny part is that no one else has this trouble except for the ol' lavahead.

The highlight of my day was Barnes & Noble. I was only there for about 30 minutes this evening but I was able to peruse a few Palm reference books. Since my computer is basically a piece of [dung], I have decided to learn more about my real computer, the Palm IIIe. Frankly, I would not be surprised if the modem problem is related to the typing buffer problem. The slow processor is probably screwing everything up. How do I know? Well, let me ask you ... do you know anyone who is still using a Pentium 133 computer today? So far, one hour has gone by and I have yet to connect. Violence is just around the corner.

Frankly, today is one of those days that I am just sick of everything. I'm not ungrateful, mind you. I'm just tired of mediocre crap. Wouldn't it be nice if life went just a little smoothly for once? I saw Lavinya at Koko Marina as I was on my way home after appropriating the fire water. I talked with her for a while. The conversation was pleasant since we never once discussed the handmaiden. I also talked with Malia a few times today on the phone. I think she's getting a little tired of the ol' lavahead's routine, if you know what I mean. As I've mentioned many times before, it is very difficult to maintain friendships with babes. Something always throws a blackeye in da game.

Well, Superbowl Sunday is tomorrow. Can you guess who won't be watching? Yep, the ol' lavahead could care less about that megabuck high-T-fest. Call me a faggot or whatever. I don't care. I'll be playing with my Palm IIIe.

Sunday January 30

I reinstalled Eliza the Pocket Psychologist. Believe it or not, Eliza provides about the same level of counseling services one would get for $75 per hour. It's all free on the Palm IIIe. Why do I like the Palm IIIe? Actually, it reminds me a lot of my old Tandy computer. No frills. That's what I used to compose Loser Living Upstairs with. The simplicity of the Palm computers is what makes it so popular.

I have not been able to log onto the university modem pool. I've tried everything from enabling the terminal window to writing my own login script. Nothing works. It takes almost five minutes before the login prompt even appears. Could that be part of the problem? I've already proven that it's not the loser's computer. I am able to log on effortlessly to my ISP. Frankly, I'm getting sick of this. If LoserNet just disappears one of these days, then you'll know why.

This was not a relaxing weekend for me. I indulged in the fire water again today. My life seems to be passing before my eyes. Yet, what exactly am I missing in my life? A babe? My discussion with Robert on Friday has assured me that I am not an anomaly here. He, too, is living at home with his mother while impersonating a professor at the university. We are both about the same age. We were both schooled on the mainland. Both of us are single with no real prospects for much else. Beyond that, our lives are divergent.

This just in. I found that, if I leave the phone in the other room off the hook when I initiate the dial-up process, the modem connects quickly. This makes absolutely no sense. Now, mind you, it connects at 19.2kbps but everything appears so much faster than when I connect at 44kbps. Well, I'm on-line and I can hear it on the phone in the other room. Sheesh! I need another session with Eliza!

Monday January 31

I am almost too fatigued to write. Aside from my inability to log on to the Net, I am finding that I just need to stop caring about anything. Most times, I'm the only one who cares. Anyway, I am not some kind of all-knowing deity. I am just an idiot. I may be suffering from a bout of monk megalomania which makes me believe that I am a soothsayer of sorts. The Sorcerer, perhaps. Who would know better than the Sorcerer? Caine already knew that answer in Shock to the System.

I talked with Malia tonight on the phone. It's nice to chat with friends. She also left a message earlier on the LoserNet toll-free hotline. Later, I had to take the phone off the hook again to establish a connection with the university modem pool. It's almost too stupid. I actually connected at 45kbps using this technique. Sheesh! Perhaps another session with Eliza the Pocket Psychologist is due. I also found the Love Calculator. Man, there are so many useful applications for the Palm IIIe!

Tuesday February 1

Just listening to my free MP3 CD from mp3.com while reflecting on yet another day of nonsense. My new goal is to remain objective and just collect my paychecks. After a local student commented that I "use too many big words," I decided that I have invested too much energy into caring. From now on, I only care about my paycheck. I will facilitate my classes to the best of my ability. Nothing more, nothing less. Those who are left behind were meant to be left behind. Yep, take a number and move to the back of the line. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!

Malia and I had lunch at Murphy's today. I have a great time "talking story" with her. We talked about a number of things including the locals. A few days ago, she told me, "Watch, before the term is over, someone will end up pregnant and will have to quit school." Today, she said, "Remember what I told you the other day. Well, Aileen in our class is pregnant." It is so much easier to get pregnant and collect welfare. Each kid is worth about $2,000 additional aid per month. Some of the social programs are already insolvent and it's only halfway through the fiscal year. I may have mentioned that most of the local guys are only interested in buying a car. Yep, they will slave away at Burger King so they can afford to buy the car of their dreams. A six-four? Heck no. A Honda Civic. Then, they will spend the equivalent of the car's worth to add those stupid pimp ground effects. Do you see why I have to change my own outlook? It's time for another session with Eliza the Pocket Psychologist. In addition to the Palm Chicken Choker, I also must design Lou the Pocket Psycho. Sheesh!

Wednesday February 2

There's nothing like a Pocket Solitaire marathon. No, I'm talking about the Palm IIIe game. If it can run Solitaire, then it's a real computer. Isn't that what most people use their computers for anyway? Sheesh! I have been fatigued and running around like some kind of psycho. Impersonating a professor has turned into a stressful job. I managed to vent with Joanne, another faculty member at the business college during lunch. The situation with the locals is not just in my imagination. Most educators know the problem. They just choose to worry about their paychecks instead. In other words, it's a hopeless situation.

Aside from that, it was hectic day. I've been doing so many lectures that I am beginning to forget what I'm talking about. I rarely use notes. I want my presentations to be spontaneous. I am also working on new curricula. My Friday night class is composed of a large number of graduate students. One of my proposed topics is about the Palm computer in enterprise environments. I still do my short workouts at the gym before heading home. Then, you know what comes next ... yep, Palm IIIe fun!

Thursday February 3

I had a discussion with John, a colleague at the university. The situation for Hawai'i seems hopeless. All of the hype about "digital island" and "silicon island" are just that. Hype. He fully convinced me that we have nothing to base an economic recovery upon. Scary, isn't it? So, what should be do? I say that we should put a Burger King, Taco Bell, and KFC store on every block. That way, everyone in Hawai'i will be guaranteed a job. Including the ol' lavahead.

I found out that Mark, one of the guys whom I regularly talk with on the express bus, is a graduate of the same high school I attended. Even more strange ... we were in the same graduating class. I cannot recall whether I knew of him or not back in those days. Well, heck, I was a dork in those days. I am completely fatigued. I'm not sure why I haven't slept well in over a week. However, I have an idea. I have inadvertently put myself in a precarious situation. I should have known better. Add to that my confusion about the economic situation in Hawai'i. I am a lost soul. I have stopped the responder for [UJ] archive and will be removing the submission form from the index page. The archive serves no purpose. It will remain where it is but access will only be granted under special circumstances. It is a past life that needs no more recognition. The lessons have been learned.

Friday February 4

Frankly, I am beginning to see that I just need a job as a K-Mart greeter and the rest of my time will be devoted to my Palm IIIe. I am losing control of my classes once again. My mind is turning to mush. This has been a long week for me. I cannot even begin to describe what I mean. Even my weekends are a blur. This was not how I wanted my life to turn out. Another colleague is also going through burnout. He has been impersonating a professor for three years. What is the sense in this madness?

Another hard day of wage slavery. I took the regular bus home after class. I didn't get back until about 10pm. That left me a few hours of Pocket Solitaire and some time for me to reflect. I talked with Malia this morning. She seems to think that I am some kind of special guy. I don't know if she realizes that I'm a regular guy in a loser's body. The handmaiden would set her straight. Nonetheless, this once again proves my thesis that friendships with babes are almost impossible. I am basically a loner now. A monk. I enjoy this lifestyle because it is simple. I only answer to myself. It has taken me a long time to get back on track. I've got to be able to stand on my own two feet and not rely on anyone else. Sound dumb? Not really. Independence and financial security are essential and must be achieved before moving to higher level needs. Remember Maslow? Exactly. The most vulnerable position to be in is one of dependency.

Saturday February 5

I spent the whole day basically choking the chicken. I shuffled a few papers around. I lapsed into a coma a number of times. Then, I played Pocket Solitaire on my Palm IIIe during the duller moments. I watered the yard. I was in a bad way. In fact, I was on the verge of violence for most of the day. Then, I realized that I'm not missing out on anything. Any deviation from my normal sedentary activities requires large sums of dough. I'm not in the mood to spend any dough unless it will give me maximum ROI (return on investment). So far, only the fire water has met that criterion.

The monk existence suits me fine. Within that context, I am learning more lessons about friendships. Male friendships are just time killers. Male bonding. That is, until some babe comes along. In the meantime, a pathetic misery-loves-company drunkfest. The situation with babes is almost the same. I've summarized many times over the years that the concept seems fine in theory. It doesn't work in implementation very often. If a babe wants to be a good friend with a guy, there is a high probability that another agenda is at play. Monks have discovered this fatal flaw in the human persona. The very same distraction that led to Adam's indiscretion in the Garden of Eden and his ultimate demise. Mind over matter is the only weapon to combat the true enemy ... one's own self! I have rediscovered these concepts coincidentally ever since I cut back on the fire water.

I wanted to go to Barnes & Noble this evening but I just didn't care to deal with the shopping crowd. So, I appropriated a supply of cheap fire water. I played Solitaire on my beloved, albeit crappy, notebook computer. My Palm IIIe was close at hand. These are my friends. This is life as I know it.

Sunday February 6

I removed Pocket Solitaire from my Palm IIIe. I was spending too much time playing that useless game. And, I depleted my batteries prematurely as a result. I installed another brain donor application which caused a "Fatal Exception Error." Say what? I thought that only happened with Windows. Sheesh!

My tooth is killing me. I believe that I chipped the new filling on my tooth when I bit into that bone chip in the lousy Spam. It cost me $120 for that tooth. Now, I have to go back to the dentist. I should find all of this funny but, let's face it, I'm on the verge of a violent, psychotic episode. And, why not? Can you imagine the amount of non-existent dough this will cost? So, I had to sedate myself with the rest of the Keystone I bought yesterday. I hate the taste of Keystone but, after downing three cans, it tastes like water. The Keystone did little to kill the pain. Rather, it gave me more pain in the form a headache. I talked with Malia for a bit this evening. I enjoyed talking with her even though half of the oversized cranium was in deep pain. Our friendship is still intact, thank goodness.

Monday February 7

Another full day of lectures. It's getting a little comical. My tooth is causing me a lot of duress. Then, I have to stand in front of a bunch of zombies and basically talk to myself out loud for several hours. Two babes in one of my classes were very antsy because they wanted to leave early to meet up with their studs. At this point in time, I don't really care. I have heeded the words of my colleague Joanne. I'm only here to collect a paycheck, albeit a measly one. I do try to help my more serious students I will do what I can for people until they decide that it's too much trouble to go any further. As you know, this is a major problem with the locals.

I still dream of the day I will retire to my secluded monastery far from the madding crowd. I don't even want Net access. What a laugh! The whole world is one big madding crowd. The only secluded monastery is the monastery of the mind. Solitude is a perception gained only through disciplined meditation. What is this life worth? Spirituality is all but gone. There is only lip service. I will continue with my goal. As soon as I am gainfully employed, I will begin saving enough dough to retire from this wretched nonsense. A monastery of one. Not a problem for the ol' lavahead. It will be the day that I can truly rejoice in the creation. I will finally be one with the Universe and understand my existence in relation to time and spatial concepts. A mere speck I am. Yet, I will recognize the Creation for what it is and I will learn the meaning of life. It will be my most singular important accomplishment. Laugh out loud, I will. Then, with smug contentment, I will return from whence I came. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Tuesday February 8

The community college has yet to pay me. It's been about a month and I'm hearing the same stories about the allegedly "lost" paperwork. It's fairly obvious who is behind all of this ... that bitch secretary. These damned stupid locals continue to play games with me. I have no idea when I am going to get paid. Obviously, I can't "just collect a paycheck." Thwarted at every turn. Denied at every instance. Well, if you hear of another shooting spree here, you will know what happened.

Life, otherwise, has been hectic and complicated. A bit much for my limited palate. I have scheduled a dentist appointment for this coming Saturday. I will have to live in pain until then. I have been using my networking to schedule some informational interviews for Malia. She is interested in the pre-law program at the university. So, I will help her out as best as I can to insure her success. Some people ask why I do that when I can barely get my own act together. This, I believe, is what I do best. Heck, maybe one of my students will become extremely successful and end up hiring me to be his (or her) houseboy. Sheesh!

I've got to synchronize my email with my Palm IIIe sometime soon. I no longer can keep up with e-mail, not that hordes of people are writing in. I just don't have enough time in the day. The other problem is that I don't want to convert to Outlook Express. I'm tired of Bill's products. Well, I guess they are Steve's products now. However, my Palm IIIe will only synchronize with Outlook Express. Alas, there's more than meets the eye with what's going on here. As time permits, I will reveal more.

Wednesday February 9

I had to buy a bottle of generic Tylenol this morning. The pain is so bad now that I can't sleep, no less think. Nonetheless, I did four lectures today and attended a faculty meeting. I mentioned my latest incident at the community college to Joanne. I listed all of the players in this sordid drama. When I mentioned the Dean, Joanne knew immediately who I was talking about. Apparently, she had bad experiences with the damned idiots, too. My aunt (moms' sister) was taken into the hospital this morning. She is in the ICU and the situation doesn't look too promising. Well, I finally put some new photos on the LavaheadCam. Nothing exciting. Yet more unexcitement to come!

Perhaps I should just install Galax on my Palm IIIe and sedate myself by playing it every spare moment I can. The burning question, albeit somewhat trite, is this ... is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or, am I just shining my own flashlight in my face? And, what is this journal worth? Well, Annie wrote:

I find that most on-liners are a hideous lot, always sniping, griping whining ..... I am sure you know of it. I responded by deleting most of my bookmarks. No, I could never delete LoserNet. Once I accidentally did and went on a frantic hunt on the web for it. Found it, of course. Yeah, one journaler, a snippy witch in Miami posted a "wish-list" as they call them, and demanded that her readers "get on it" because her birthday was only 6 months away. Sheesh!!! JenDa makes me want to barf. She writes like she's trying to write a romance novel, but she only ends up producing nausea in her readers and making an e-ass of herself. But what else could you expect from Cincinnati?

Is LoserNet that much better? Sometimes I have to wonder. The journey continues. Where exactly are we going?

Thursday February 10

My class observation at the community college was canceled until next week. Kristi, one of my student assistants, planned out the curriculum for the day. Basically, she made the class play a game. This was the liveliest I've ever seen this class but that isn't saying much. The game was close to sixth grade level in concept. I need not go any further. I'm sure that it's easy to ascertain the general academic potential of the class. How much further can I dumb-down the curriculum before everyone can participate?

I am still in deep pain from my tooth. I am barely functioning but I have too many things to do. That's kind of odd, what with me being an eunuch and all. I need a life, that's all there is to it. My life as a minimum wage slave has become stressful. And frankly, I don't make enough dough to be stressed out. Yet, look what's happening. The LavaheadCam is rarely updated. E-mail is piling up in the queue. All I do in spare time is to look for new Palm IIIe software. That only means one thing. It's time to post the picture (from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin Web site) of Miss Universe Poland 1998, who is a student in one of my classes. Does that add to the ambiance or what?

Friday February 11

It's hard to believe that I am showing Miss Universe Poland how to use Office 97. Could be the essence of yet another dumb sitcom? And, if that wasn't enough ... Geraldine, one of my student assistants at the university, disclosed something interesting. She said that she is a good friend of Joyce. Remember her? She was a student in my class last semester at the university. Both are locals. Well, here's part of the conversation:

"Joyce recommended that I take this class from you."

"I see. Because I'm the easy guy, right?"

"Well, maybe I shouldn't tell you this ...," Geraldine continued.

"Yes ..."

"I think she has a thing for you."

"Oh."

"Every time we see you, she's like this," she said while imitating Joyce's alleged swooning.

"Well, that's very interesting," I said. "I do remember when I once asked the class if anyone had any questions and Joyce asked, "Are you married?'"

"That should have given you a hint."

It's a good thing I'm a monk. Malia was discouraged after talking with two people in the legal field. I can't say that I blame her but I think she should give it a try if that's what she really wants to do. Life is getting complicated again for the ol' lavahead. I'm just glad that the weekend is here. All I know it that I will have my aching tooth filled tomorrow. One day at a time, I say. One day at a time.

Saturday February 12

My trip to the dentist disclosed that there was nothing wrong with my tooth. Well, at least the filling was intact. So, the mystery behind the week of pain remains. I did some interim calculations today. I discovered that I owe $1,700 in taxes. This, in addition to what I've already paid. I wish it was a bad dream but it's not. I was on the verge of a violent, psychotic episode. So, I spent most of the day in a coma. After my visit to the dentist, I bought a case of fire water. Keystone, to be exact. Perhaps I was only looking for an excuse to get hammered.

I also talked with Malia on the phone this afternoon. Toward the end of the conversation, I asked her if it seemed as though I flirted with babes, particularly students. I mean, why else would any babe be interested in a pathetic old fool? Malia seems to believe that it's the manner in which the ol' lavahead carries himself. "You're really sassy, and I like that," she added. Say what? "Only babes get sassy," I interjected. "You're very easy to fall for," she continued. Of course, that makes absolutely no sense considering the eunuch-like behavior. Is Malia essentially saying that the eunuch-like behavior is ineffectual?

I wanted to go to Barnes & Noble this evening but the oversized cranium was throbbing in pain due to excessive fire water consumption. The detestable resin chair was as far as I got. Part of the problem is my unresolved anger with the useless State employees funded in part by my huge tax contributions. I also realized that the missing paycheck scenario was clearly orchestrated by these incompetent fools. I found my paperwork that listed my lecturer step placement. I received that a while back as well as my identification card. The "lost" paycheck was probably accomplished by a simple phone call from a certain Dean's secretary to ohana in the system. What should irk most people is that this kind of behavior is encouraged by the system. More later.

Sunday February 13

Yardboy chores. Keystone. Another day, another dollar short. Kevin called me and I met him at the Starbuck's in Kahala Mall this evening. He used to impersonate a professor but he decided to venture out into the real world. Two short term stints in the corrupt ohana empire has brought him back to his roots. "Come on home," I told him. The life of academia is a protected one. Sure, there are a lot of fragile egos and the whole atmosphere has a pompous feel to it. However, we remain protected from the elements.

I called Malia a little later. We ended talking for about two hours so I never went on-line. I've really come to enjoy her friendship. Although I am not looking for a babe, I have come see that there actually are some very nice babes around. I never would have believed it was possible after my last ordeal.

V-Day 2000

I was extremely tired because of the Keystone extravaganza this weekend. Malia was also fatigued from her Zima and Midori evening. When will we ever learn? My revelation about my taxes has left me in an embittered state. I don't know how I made it through the day. Caroll called and left a message. Moms has been trying to find out about her sister Faye. No news yet.

There were hardly any students in class today, no doubt due to V-Day. What is it about V-Day that causes so many problems? My suggestion to end this dilemma? Buy a Palm IIIe, install Eliza the Pocket Psychologist, sit back, and relax. Well, I have to decide whether to fly to Hilo (on the Big Island) or not. There is a three-day weekend coming up. I'll be able to visit pops and tour around the island. I'm not sure if I can afford the trip now that I owe $1,700 in taxes. Sheesh! By the way, Sylwia (Miss Universe Poland) is unable to disable the spell check in AOL mail. If anybody knows how to do this, let us know.

Tuesday February 15

Moms' sister Faye is out of the hospital. Joanne, my colleague from the business college, assured me that the damned Dean's secretary is behind everything. The clown who sat in to evaluate my class at the community college fell asleep in his chair. He's also the department head when he's not fulfilling other Court Jester duties. As I told one of the students later, "This is like a really bad sitcom."

An interesting article has finally surfaced in Underwire, the babe's site on MSN. In Nice guys don't flirt: How and why they should, Jenn Shreve describes the situation with uncanny accuracy:

Nice guys — the ones we want to meet and fall in love with — don't flirt. Meanwhile, a verbose minority of jerks wreaks havoc with their uninhibited flirtatious ways. They whistle at women on the street, introduce themselves with cheesy lines, leer at breasts and legs but never brains. In short, they sully the reputations of their fellow men with rude, crude and socially unacceptable behavior.

Why don't nice guys flirt? A nice man considers the woman's feelings above his own. He figures she probably doesn't want to be disturbed by a total stranger; best to leave well enough alone. A nice man is humble. He does not consider himself to be God's greatest gift to womankind, so he does not assume that she will see him as such. A nice man puts friendship before sex. He would rather get to know somebody slowly than come on strong from Day One.

The classic quote in the article is from Jenn's buddy:

"The opposite of confident is a loser,” Eric says. “The opposite of harmless is even worse."

Do you see why the eunuch-like behavior is so important? Finally, many thanks to Ulla and Tiina in Finland for sending V-Day greeting to the ol' lavahead. Yes, well, one e-card had a Virtual Harem-quality babe on it. The other had a monk scribing circles on a piece of parchment. The punchline? "Celibacy is not so bad." Sheesh!

Wednesday February 16

Another disappointing day with my local students. More silent rebellion in the form of refusal to meet the term paper requirement. In one class, all but one decided to forsake the project. What a sad story. I also told my student assistant Geraldine that she should invite Joyce to class. Then, I discovered that Miss Poland is engaged to a rich commercial pilot who owns a palatial manor in Hawai'i Kai. Hmmm. Yeah, that sounds familiar, doesn't it? I don't suppose that money was a consideration, was it? I'm sure that even Hermit can see through the charade. And, I doubt that her pilot buddy is in his early twenties like her. Money will buy you anything. By the way, kudos to K (in Washington DC) for providing the solution to the spell check problem. Miss Poland sends her thanks.

The trip to the Big Island is out. Apparently, there are no flights or accommodations available this weekend. So, I can only hope that the Keystone is on sale. Which brings me to final thoughts on babes and money. The two commodities are interchangeable. I'm glad that I'm a monk. I've got my Palm IIIe to keep me company. And, it only cost me $179 in all.

Thursday February 17

More stupidity at the community college. A second in-class evaluation was scheduled but it was canceled at the last minute. I had gone to lunch with Malia and Teresa at Murphy's. I wanted to ice down my day with a few cold ones but I refrained because of the scheduled evaluation. The fools continue to play games with me. I saw Geraldine and Joyce this morning. Joyce was distant. Another public relations fiasco in the making? I've learned that anything can become a public relations fiasco with babes. Sheesh! I talked with Malia for a couple of hours on the phone last night. I am glad to have her as a friend. I hope that nothing stupid happens to change any of that.

To settle my nerves, I attempted to sign up with one of those free ISPs. Well, I'm not even sure what happened. I guess I've already registered but I can't remember my log-on data. Maybe I don't even have an account yet. Heck, maybe I don't even exist.

Friday February 18

The free ISP software just about disabled my beloved notebook computer. So, I trashed it. Yet another mundane day in the life of a pseudo-professor. I spent most of my free time today chatting with other pseudo-professors. Robert and I even ended up at Taco Bell for dinner before our evening classes. Naturally, we discussed the babe situation. Hypergamy, to be exact. Miss Poland has not been the only university babe who has teamed up with a rich clown, sad to say. What can I say? Malia brought some Curry Stew that she made. She put together a small container for my lunch and also a large container for me to bring home.

Caroll called last night and told me that she has now has e-mail. So, we will be corresponding this way for the first time in the course of our friendship. I have been rather terse with my descriptions of the daily events in the life of the ol' lavahead. I am extremely fatigued and looking forward to this long weekend. There is more than meets the eye here. But, first, I need to sort out the facts.

Saturday February 19

A situation has erupted at the business college. The players? Teresa, Frances, and Malia. The problem? Frances allegedly made a derogatory comment about the length of Malia's dress to Teresa the other day. Teresa told Malia about it. Case closed? Not really. It has escalated to the point of stupidity. Teresa and Frances have differing testimony. Malia has sided with Teresa, but not without malice toward Frances. I am more inclined to believe Frances. I won't go into the sordid details but I am disappointed in the conduct of the players. Therefore, I have washed my hands of the whole situation.

That brings to mind the point Robert made yesterday about local babes insofar as being suitable mates. As a quasi-katonk, he realizes that he doesn't have much in common with most local babes. Since both he and I have spent time on the mainland, we have diverged from the local ways and the local thinking. We have assimilated into the mainland dominant culture. Essentially, we sold out. However, the whole problem is really a matter of where our reference point is. Etiquette, social grace, and other behavioral characteristics are culturally dependent. From the standpoint of a mainlander, I can easily see why most locals are perceived as crude, rude, and originating from an extremely lower caste. The basis of this assessment is the mainland dominant culture. I don't look down on locals per se, but I am disappointed that they hold on to the most vulgar parts of the local culture with extreme pride. What is even worse is that most locals prove repeatedly that their mental capacity is severely lacking. Now, as an aside, the only local in the scenario above is Malia. For some reason, she is being duped by one or both of the transplanted mainlanders (who seem to be from the so-called trash segment of that population). In this case, the brain donation is not isolated to the locals. A true cynic would ask, "Why else are they all in a business college?"

I don't walk around with an air of conceit. I am easily mistaken for a typical dumb local by the mainlanders. And, I am looked upon as an oddity by the locals. It's a strange world. Unlike Robert, I am no longer concerned about the babe situation. Returning to Hawai'i has sealed my fate as a monk because I am an oddity. That was yet another excuse to imbibe in Keystone style. I spent the day in a local-style stupor. Laying around, droppin' back the Keystone, passing out, and repeating this over and over again during the course of the day. Yes, I am tired. I am burned out. I'll be just like all of the other pseudo-professor zombies. Live to collect a paycheck, albeit a measly one. I see the light now. That's all I'm here for. I can't change an indifferent world. I am a nobody. The people who really have the power or influence to change the world refuse to do so. Why should they? The adoration of all of the morons and the have-nots is insatiable. There must be losers in order to have winners.

I wanted to go to Barnes & Noble this evening. However, I just can't seem to do much once I'm home for the weekend. The chronic lethargy is puzzling. It's beginning to look suspiciously like depression. Could it be that I am working merely to pay my taxes? Could it be due to perpetual stupidity of which I am always privy to witness firsthand? Some may say that it's all due to sexual tension. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Do I look like I have a supply of Viagra? I only wish that there were more exciting applications for my Palm IIIe. Is that too much to ask for? How about a buxom babe who loves to do da wild thing? Just call me "Bwana."

To be continued ... Go to M.04