Millennium ... Journal of Life

Tuesday August 1, 2000

The storm hit early this morning. Actually, it was little more than a drizzle. So, all the preparation was in vain. The weather has been extremely hot again. The oversized cranium was severely overheating. I had no choice but to restore my monk haircut a few days earlier than expected.

I am sitting here right now and looking at the cheap Taser-like device that I bought. What a joke! It looks like a lousy plastic toy. Don't worry. LoserNet Labs will be testing this device in order to save other wimpy losers the trouble and embarrassment of buying this piece of [dung], no less using it. We will also test out the efficacy of pepper spray. That should be some real fun.

The ugly ho' next door has been acting up again every night. Probably "tweaking" on Ice again. Maybe I'll have an unwitting test subject for the Taser-like device and the pepper spray. I am a little concerned about what is going on. I could hear the ho' outside, yelling to someone in the lolo's house. "Shut the f--k up!" she kept yelling, probably to her own mother. Frankly, I have no idea why the lolo hasn't kicked that useless bag of [dung] out of his house. If something does happen and I am involved, it will have to look like an "accident."

Wednesday August 2

Even though my investments are completely in the red, I spent $8 on batteries at Long's. I installed two batteries in the Taser-like device and flipped the switch. There was some impressive arcing. I ordered the device from a security products supplier in Minnesota, one that wasn't too concerned about the legality in any jurisdiction. I sent e-mail yesterday asking whether this device was a joke. I think I have my answer. I'm not exactly sure that I even want to try it on myself.

This is a sad state of affairs, one that I have been anticipating for a while. I am now carrying pepper spray and the Taser-like device with me wherever I go. The beloved cell phone is a necessity as well. The ugly ho' (and the creeps she hangs around with) have made me keenly aware of how I can no longer ignore personal security issues. Although I carry fairly harmless crap, it is still a significant step beyond the recent past. The next logical step is the "nine." None of this was ever a problem in Convalescent City, although times were changing. Since I left, there have been several high profile homicides. With each passing day, I despise humanity more and more. It is as if people are possessed by the sinister kahuna. They feed off of evil. And, there's only one thing that will stop them.

Thursday August 3

The Taser-like device is sitting next to me as we speak. The pepper spray is also within reach. I wonder if I can modify the circuitry of the Taser-like device to make it lethal. After all, my undergraduate degree was in electronics engineering. I've also contemplated the construction of Taser-like device of my own design, one that looks more like a defibrillator. Can you imagine the kind of fun I could have with that?

Three of my classes at the Asylum are going to have a potluck lunch tomorrow. This was one of my incentive programs for the students. By participating in the event, they do not have to take the last exam. For many of them, this incentive won't matter. They are failing the class anyway. More people are convinced that there is something going on between Roach and Maria, the female staff member. Their attempts to be more clandestine has triggered even more rumors. Roach is a true maroon. I have no respect for the man and will only engage in very brief monosyllabic discussions with him. I'd actually like to use the Taser-like device on him.

Friday August 4

The potluck lunch was a huge success. Over 50 of my students participated. There was so much food. They voted to invite the staff members, other faculty, and the administration. Many other other students also were invited to dine with us. This was the largest and most successful potluck to date. I could sense that there was some hostility on the part of some administration and faculty members. Why? Because we managed to pull off this event and implement quite a few of the policies that both the administration and the faculty have never been able to agree upon. To add insult to injury, we had better food than at the faculty meeting which was concurrently in session. Only Roach half-heartedly congratulated us for a job well done. Perhaps this may be also be due to the Community Fair flop which was coordinated by Maria. Our small class event outdid that whole fiasco.

The weekend is finally here. I've got exams to grade. I'll be spending a lot of time in my beloved resin chair. I'll keep a vigil for any psychos. My can of pepper spray and my Taser-like device will be at my side. All I really want to do is relax. My nerves are shot.

Saturday August 5

Big headache. I bought a six-pack of cheap brewskis for no particular reason. After finishing off the whole six-pack, I was somewhat hammered. I thought about using the Taser-like device on myself. Maybe tomorrow. I've been working on the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). I have no idea why I'm wasting time on the project. The whole LoserNet site should just be deleted.

Aside from grading the exams, I have nothing to do on the weekends. I keep the Taser-like device boxed up and I unbox it every hour to check it out. I have lost interest in everything else. It is as if I am waiting for someone to egg me on so I can apply the device on the fool. The fact that it is illegal to possess such a device in Hawai'i makes this even more tempting.

I have had intrusive thoughts again about selling off my possession. All I want to own is my beloved computer and my Taser-like device. Everything else is superfluous. Of course, later on I'd like to own a "nine." Materialism is a curse. On that note, I've heard that the handmaiden has affiliated herself with a religious group known for wealth and power in Hawai'i. One of the group's more lucrative ventures is the Polynesian Cultural Center. If you've read the [UJ] archives, then none of this should come as a surprise.

I happened to see the handmaiden's friend Anne on the bus several times this week. She wants to give up the urban life and move to the North Shore and "sell T-shirts and shave ice for a living." Can't say that I blame her.

Sunday August 6

The ugly ho' returned home at 4am this morning with her goon. He parked his pimped-out Honda Civic in the lolo's driveway. Then, they both sat in the car until 6am when the newspaper delivery person came by. This was just a little too "high school" for me. Why not go inside the house? That's too much to ask of someone who has donated her brain to a landfill several years ago. To their credit, they were extremely quiet. However, I didn't get any sleep since I don't particularly trust those losers.

Several of my students gave me some pretty flower leis yesterday. I brought them home and gave them to moms so she could wear them to church. That's what she did this morning. Moms spent all day cooking yesterday. My sister-in-law came by this afternoon to pick up the food. Sometimes I wonder if they would stop by at all if moms didn't prepare something for them. In all honesty, I still believe that my bro wants moms' house. He thinks that I've stolen his inheritance. I don't want the house. I'm just here to spend time with moms. And, I'm trying to rebuild my pathetic financial situation. My bro had over eight years to do the same thing. He didn't take it seriously. I'm sure that the situation next door at lolo's place is identical. The ugly ho' is waiting for her inheritance. They are all rotten peas in a pod, eh?

All I want is a simple life. I've got all that I need. My computer, my can of pepper spray, and my Taser-like device. Everything else can go. Oh, I almost forgot. I have LoserNet, too!

Monday August 7

Shoot-out in Hawai'i Kai. Can you believe it? Some loser lost it over his estranged wife and started shooting. Probably was on Ice, too. The incident began at one o' clock this morning in the building next to where Mark lives. As I told moms, this kind of crap is going to get worse even here in Hawai'i Kai. The only way to have any piece of mind is to own a "piece." A 9mm to be exact. The loser in the shoot-out this morning had six guns. How can anyone possibly defend himself with a lousy can of pepper spray?

The stock market made a minor recovery so I am back to where I started. I'm still broke, however. The Time Bomb (wind-up clock) is wearing out. It seems that most of my things are wearing out, and I am getting tired of replacing them. I'll spray some WD-40 in the Time Bomb to see if that helps. Otherwise, I'll have to spend $4.99 for another one. Well, that's what I paid for it about 10 years ago.

I love cheesy, cheap crap. Take the Taser-like device, for example. And, how about this piece of [dung] computer that keeps skipping multiple characters? And, I can't understand why I ever bought the Bose Acoustic Wave. It's not my style. I'm a minimalist. That reminds me. I was perusing a catalog which features a lot of Euro-retro furniture and accessories. Some of that crap was just plain ugly. It was once the budget rave of the fifties. Now it's back again. Only thing, it costs a fortune. Frankly, I can pretty much replicate that style by buying my furniture at K-Mart at a fraction of the cost. Of course, the affluent can afford to spend a small fortune on stuff that make them look poor. It's so chic!

Tuesday August 8

I bought a new clock for $5.88 at Long's. It runs on batteries. All I can say is that I have to fix the Time Bomb. Nothing can replace it. Of course, it's nice to have a clock that is somewhat accurate for once. The whole day was pathetic. I discovered that the Whoppers are no longer 99 cents. The express bus schedule was screwed up this afternoon. Earlier, Matt (the librarian at the Asylum) is certain that he and I are blacklisted. I'm sure he's right. Suspiciously, no one has said a word about the big potluck lunch event. No kudos for how well it went off. Typical. Who cares? I'm not a team player anyway.

I'm not tooting my own horn, but I get the job done no matter what. And, I do the best that I can. Those idiots can foam at the mouth all they want. Perhaps they need to be introduced to the Taser-like device. I should invest in the Myotron. It's supposed to be more powerful. I see many people who need an attitude adjustment via the Taser-like device. Well, at least I discovered Digital Enhance by Media Chance. It's freeware that automatically corrects poor pictures from digital cameras and scanners. It is now being used to process the images for the LavaheadCam and the Virtual Harem.

Wednesday August 9

I'm beginning to realize how I just don't fit in. The friends I have are mostly all haole. Matt is originally from New Jersey, although he has lived here most of his life. Mark is also spent most of his life here but his family also came from the mainland. My colleagues of local origin have been schooled on the mainland, so they are essentially like me. The point really hit home when I talked with Matt today. He has also grown weary of the situation at the Asylum. The local ways are getting to him as well. "The lifestyle I once cherished now makes me sick," he told me. "I can't handle the attitude of the locals. They don't care about anything." He mentioned that a few students were complaining about me yesterday. The students believe that I have a hatred for locals. Matt tried to explain that I am only interested in their welfare. That's why I'm constantly calling attention to the local ways which impede progress.

I know what Matt is talking about. Frankly, that's probably what is driving Joanne nuts. That's why she turned against me. Day in and day out, we must witness and interact with people who are on the fringe of society. They are not the minority here. Make no mistake about that. Most are poor. Some are on welfare. Most are single mothers. Most are in abusive relationships with losers. They all have cell phones and pagers. The guys are always thinking about how to score with babes. Or, how they will eventually own the car of their dreams. A pimped-out Honda Civic. The babes are always thinking about romance. They are constantly drawing little romantic cards or transcribing lyrics of their favorite love songs and dedicating them to their loser boyfriends. And, as poor as they are, they still all smoke like chimneys. At $4 per pack, I have to wonder.

I know that I keep harping on the same old stuff, but it really is depressing. I've lost my drive to remain a Pseudo-professor. I just hang in there because I don't have any other options at present. It's psychologically draining because people like Matt and I care more about the students than they care about themselves. I have already learned that I am wasting my time and energy. I'm just there to facilitate computer classes and collect a paycheck. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thursday August 10

More of the same. Actually, I'm really fatigued because the scandalous ho' next door was up to her old tricks again. The pimped-out Honda Civic appeared at about 11pm. I have no idea what was going on. The ho' and her boyfriend were unloading stuff from his car and putting whatever cargo into her car. Drugs, I suppose. They left after an hour. At about 4am, they returned. The ho' made sure that the whole neighborhood could hear her. Obviously, the loser does not have a job. I suppose that drug dealing is a job of sorts. He's not a profitable drug dealer since he only owns a Honda Civic, no matter how pimped-out it is. Damned losers!

I spent more time researching any information on Taser-like devices. I am eager to use the device. However, I must be certain that it works. Many reports say that it is a joke. The real Air-Taser is a proven device. The Nova handheld is also proven. I have neither. Instead, I have a cheap off-brand unit. From what I can tell, all of the brands use similar circuitry based on the Taser concept. The key is the pulse frequency which must be between 12 and 22 Hz. That's supposed to interfere with the normal human nerve firings. My off-brand unit is supposed to be comparable to the Nova police model. Is it? Only a test on a real subject will tell.

The doorbell rang as I was typing the journal. I quickly grabbed my can of pepper spray before answering the door. To my surprise, it was the handmaiden. She bought a small package of Mochi for moms since she was on the Big Island today. We chatted for a bit and I just wondered what brought about this unusual visit. The events of recent times have me wondering whether the sinister kahuna is at work again. Seems that the oversized cranium is being toyed with from all sides, doesn't it?

Friday August 11

The dumb ho' drove by as I was walking home from the bus stop. I took out my can of pepper spray from my backpack. As I walked into the cul de sac, I could see the sleazy bitch standing in the doorway and giving me the stink eye (Pidgin English) from inside the lolo's house. The ho' just won't let this die. I'll just patiently wait until the dumb knob crosses the line. The Taser-like device is waiting for her and her dumb ass, cracked boyfriend.

I have to grade three exams this weekend. So, I won't be doing much else. I am extremely fatigued because of all the crap I've been going through. For fun, I'll continue to research information on the various Taser-like devices. If I eventually sell my Bose Acoustic Wave, I plan to invest in more "security" devices. In retrospect, I should have become a cop. Dirty Kimo.

Saturday August 12

The goon arrived in his Honda Civic at about one o' clock this morning. I observed him swappin' spit with the ugly ho' and wondered why they never go inside the house. I think she was giving him head out there, too. I heard him groaning. I happened to notice that the Honda Civic is not pimped-out. It's just a cheap 4-door sedan. Completely stock.

I spent my day in a coma as I couldn't sleep with all of the intermittent noise. I finished grading two exams. Then, I spent the rest of the day doing nothing. Well, I take that back. I spent a considerable amount of time reading up on Taser-like devices. My curiosity is at a peak now concerning the cheap imitation unit that I purchased. Does it really work? I have decided that I must also purchase an extendable steel police baton to add to my repertoire. I will scour the Net tonight to find a supplier. "Security" is my main concern now.

I wonder if I have become mentally ill. Nothing matters to me except the Taser-like device. I have never owned this kind of nonsense before. Now, I am obsessed with building up an arsenal of sorts. Self-defense is not even an issue anymore. Knowing that practically everyone in Hawai'i is on Ice does not sit well with me. Any of these idiots could lose it at any time and I must be prepared to take them out, if necessary. Or, I must "lobotomize" them with my arsenal of non-lethal appliances. This is what the city has done to me.

Sunday August 13

After grading more exams, I spent the rest of the day perusing my Taser-like device. I also made a mental catalog of some other non-lethal appliances that I must appropriate. Malia called around noon. She has apparently been going through a lot of nonsense. Her mother was in the hospital recently. She also mentioned that she has gotten a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend. I don't know the details as yet. I advised her to at least purchase a can of pepper spray since she expects some kind of retaliation.

The weekend is over. Back to the salt mines tomorrow. I will be ordering the extendable police baton tonight from the same supplier that I bought the Taser-like device. It should be here in about a week. Perhaps I should check the on-line catalog carefully. There may be other useful devices that I need.

Monday August 14

I was extremely fatigued today because of the late night antics of the sleazy ho' next door. Once again, she and the goon sat in the Honda Civic out in the driveway until 4am. So, I didn't sleep at all. I didn't manage to order the steel police baton either.

I talked with the ex-cop who is one of my students. Somehow we got onto a discussion about Taser-like devices. He doesn't know why the devices are prohibited here. However, he mentioned that a lot of the cops have them anyway.

"Were they using the Nova brand?" I asked.

"I don't know. They were the ones with the curved head," he replied.

"Those are off-brand units," I said, knowing that Nova makes only the straight models.

The big question, of course, was whether the Taser-like device works or not. He believes that it does work if adequate contact time can be established. He mentioned one anecdote about when he and two other cops were trying to subdue a resistive suspect. One of the other officers pulled out a Taser-like device and applied it to the suspect. "When he pulled the trigger, the charge went through all of us. It was strong enough to knock the two of us right off of the suspect." I also found more articles about Taser-like devices in general. One article confirmed that all of the Taser-like devices are very similar in design. The main differences were in peak output voltage and pulse frequency.

I managed to fix the Time Bomb yesterday. I took it apart and sprayed it with WD-40. Looks like it will last another ten years. I probably didn't need to buy the new clock. I could have used that dough to partially fund the extendable police baton. Sheesh!

Tuesday August 15

Matt (the librarian at the Asylum) is submitting his resignation. He will be going into the police academy at the end of the month. Within a year, I should have an ally on the police force. That will be fine as I expect the ho' next door to really be acting up by then. I never heard from my former student Paul. He must be having too much of a good time to call a party pooper like the ol' lavahead.

Matt told me that he saw some graffiti in one of the stalls in the men's restroom. Sure enough. Apparently the students are aware of Roach's "fraternization with Maria. Let's face it. There's something going on, that's for certain. About a week ago, I overheard Roach chatting with a faculty member. He was going on about how unhappy his wife was, no doubt because of the long hours he puts in at work. Little does his spouse know that he's "fraternizing" with another babe during most of that extra time.

Wednesday August 16

Another payday has come and gone. And, what do I have to show for myself? Nothing. Malia and I had lunch at Café Metro. It was a disappointing experience. However, we at least got a chance to catch up on what's been going on. Afterwards, we ended up at Magnum Firearms so I could buy a can of pepper spray for Malia. Once can never be prepared enough given the restraining order that is in effect.

As I stood and waited for the express bus, I didn't realize until the last moment that the handmaiden was walking toward me. We chatted for a few minutes. The conversation was enlightening. I found out that the mysterious call this weekend on my beloved cell phone was, in actuality, from her. She wanted to go hiking up Koko Crater. I also learned that Lavinya suffered a major stroke but is recovering fine. I cannot help but wonder why the handmaiden is seeking out my friendship at this point in time. I'm sure that the sages can provide me with an answer.

I have been shutting down the house at about 8:30pm every evening, coincident with the time moms goes to sleep. For the most part, it looks as though everyone is asleep. I am, however, spending the later hours in the den (the former "warehouse" from my bro's days). I can still hear what goes on out front, primarily what is occurring next door. I have observed that the ambient noise level seems to increase, which can only lead me to conclude that the ho' is toying with the oversized cranium. What am I doing in the den? I spend the last few hours of my evening relaxing and perusing my growing security devices collection. Malia deemed this as "odd behavior." Really, it's a guy thing.

Thursday August 17

Matt had a party in the library today. Lots of food to eat. We also watched Matrix at full volume. I don't think that the event sat well with the administration. Matt doesn't care. He's outta there in less than two weeks. And, with the kind of treatment that Roach's babe Maria has been giving him, he is fully justified. We all had a good time. Next week, we are going to Hooter's at the Aloha Tower Marketplace. You know that the LavaheadCam will be there!

Today was the last days of Summer classes at the Asylum. Tomorrow is a holiday but not for the university. So, I will have to be downtown for more fun. I'm looking forward to relaxing and perusing my security devices collection this evening. I may be obsessed with my security devices. The other night, I had my can of pepper spray and my Taser-like device sitting on the dining room table (as they always are when I'm home). I observed moms wiping the table. She was getting a little too close to my security devices. "Watch out! Don't splash any water on my security devices!" I shouted. Then, I laughed at how foolish that sounded.

Friday August 18

Mark and I had lunch at the Paradise Café. We may do something this weekend since I have no grading of exams for once. I also saw Malia earlier this morning. She was trying to square away her classes at the university. However, it was a frustrating experience since she encountered the incompetent fools who make up the bureaucracy. I spent the rest of the afternoon in faculty computer room. I've been adding more research material to my security devices library.

"Money is no object when it comes to security devices," I told moms. "Security is priority one." There is no question that I have become obsessed. As I perused the Taser-like device last night, I wondered why I couldn't afford the Nova Police Special version. All of this nonsense may make more sense given that the ho' was standing in the doorway of the lolo's house and giving me the stink eye when I came home. And, entropy may actually be occurring as well. The teenage ho' came home last night at midnight. Then, I heard what sounded like an argument. There was a male voice speaking loudly. It was the lolo. Did he finally become a vertebrate? A short while later, I heard the teenage ho' walk out of the house and slam the door. Perhaps the lolo has come to realize that things are out of hand. The teenage ho' has been regularly returning home at 4:30am, just minutes before the lolo leaves for work.

Saturday August 19

Cheap firewater. Resin chair. Taser-like device. Big headache. That's my day! I spent all day perusing my security devices, particularly the Taser-like device. I have got to use it on someone already. Otherwise I will go crazy. I have to know if the damned thing really works or not. If only that psycho bitch next door would cross the line. Sad to say, nothing has changed at the lolo's place. Apparently, he's still an invertebrate. I have just got to learn to be patient. Sooner or later, the crazy slut will do something stupid and I'll be there, Taser-like device in hand.

My beloved cell phone logged another call from the handmaiden yesterday. I have no idea why she is trying to re-establish ties with the ol' lavahead. On the way to Foodland today, I saw the handmaiden riding in a Mercedes. It's not the same Mercedes as before. It's an older one. Which means that she has yet another clown in tow. I have no desire to be a part of the handmaiden's little games. I already know that the sages were correct in predicting this moment. The handmaiden is attempting to show me her power. We've already seen the crap that follows her like flies on [dung]. Remember when her picture appeared on the Net. I recall when the handmaiden once told me that "a leopard cannot change its spots." So true.

Sunday August 20

It rained all day today. So, I couldn't even sit outside on my beloved resin chair. That, of course, did not not preclude the perusal of my Taser-like device. I had to drive moms over to my bro's place this afternoon. Moms will be staying overnight so she can watch my nephew tomorrow. I would have thought that, since it was raining, my sister-in-law would have just driven here to pick up moms. After all, moms is doing her a favor. All she did was to call and say that she would pick up moms if it was raining too hard for moms to take the bus. Moms also had a whole package full of food that she cooked. To top it off, moms will be sleeping on the couch. The whole situation is pathetic.

Moms is dumbfounded about what goes on at the lolo's place next door. I guess she forgets that the same thing was going on when my bro and his family lived here. My sister-in-law keeps hinting that she and my bro may move to the mainland. Then, there is talk that they are going to purchase a home here. Fat chance! It's all a smokescreen. There's no way they can move to the mainland, and I doubt that they have enough income to afford a home here. My sister-in-law just changed jobs. She is some kind of file clerk. The enmity between my bro and I has to do with the fact that I am here. They would still be living high on the hog, so to speak, if I were gone. Somewhere along the line, something will happen such that they will have to move back here. That's the day I'm moving out. However, in the meantime, I will continue to repair my finances and keep moms company.

Since moms was gone, I celebrated the Festival of the Baked Beans. Naturally, I captured the event on the LavaheadCam. I also updated the Losernet KnowledgeBase to include my favorite topic ... security devices. What a life I lead!

Monday August 21

Today was the last day of classes at the university and also the first day of Fall semester classes at the community college. Obviously, I didn't get a contract. Who cares? Moms made it home safe and sound. I have a two-week, albeit unpaid, vacation. What am I going to do? Well, I have many things to do. I should make an appointment with Dr. Root Canal and get the inevitable over with already. I also have to begin studying for my comprehensive exams. Wheeee! Am I livin' large, or what?

My Netscape browser has been crashing every fifteen minutes on average. Must I convert to Bill's browser? Perhaps I should deploy the Taser-like device. Why couldn't I have become a hurdy-gurdy star instead of a monk? That brings me to today's thought, for what that's worth. After watching Matrix last week, I have been pondering reality. How farfetched is Matrix? The thought came to me because I realized that I haven't watched the tube (no less owned one) in ages. The tube is the Matrix. Think about it. The tube defines reality for most people because they spend too much time in front of it. There is no spoon.

Tuesday August 22

I finished all that I needed to do at the university in about 10 minutes. That left me with the rest of the day with nothing to do. So, I stopped by the Asylum to talk with Matt. Then, I went to the gym. I don't think that I'm going back downtown until Friday. I'd rather be sitting all day in the beloved resin chair and perusing my Taser-like device.

I've noticed that e-Bay has at least seven weekly listings of Bose Acoustic Wave music systems for sale. Whassup wi' dat? Each listing has an endless rave about the Acoustic Wave, but one has to wonder. Why is the owner selling it? Most Bose owners are probably similar to the ol' lavahead. Simplicity was important as was good sound. However, audio nerds also like to play around with the equipment. The Acoustic Wave has no elaborate controls to adjust. In addition, Bose styling only fits in with cheesy Art Deco furniture. To add insult to injury, other audio nerds turn their noses up at Bose products. I've tossed around the idea of selling the Acoustic Wave. I'd have to take a significant loss, even though I know that I could sell it within a week. And, what would I do with the proceeds from the sale? Why, I'd buy more security devices, of course. Sheesh!

Wednesday August 23

Today was the closest that I've come to losin' it in a long time. I got up before 6am and had nothing to do from that point on. The sad part is that I couldn't relax. I sat outside in my beloved resin chair for most of the day with my Taser-like device in hand. I had no desire to unbox the Bose Acoustic Wave. In the past, I've spent my vacations listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. Devoid of any sensory input, I was on the verge of insanity. What has happened to me? Silence was something I've always longed for. I can see why I am no longer the same person I used to be. Perhaps I'm not even a monk anymore. I've become an urban commuting idiot.

Moms wanted me to go to Kahala Mall with her. She has rented a safety deposit box there and she wants me to sign some paperwork so I will have access to it in case anything happens. Moms used to have a safety deposit box at the bank in Koko Marina. My bro had emergency access to that one. I'm glad that moms has given me the privilege of access to her new one. That way, I can insure that nothing stupid happens in the future. I declined to go with moms because I initially thought I was going to have a relaxing day. Little did I know.

So, I'm going downtown tomorrow. At least I can sit in air-conditioned comfort when I lapse into a coma. Or, I can visit Matt at the Asylum. I may also run into a other Pseudo-professors. In fact, I ran into Pseudo-professor Robert yesterday. He apparently asked Pseudo-professor Elise out for a night of karaoke. At least I'll be able to go the gym. Naturally, the Taser-like device will be with me at all times.

Thursday August 24

I'm glad that I went downtown for the day. Otherwise I would have been sitting at home in the resin chair with my Taser-like device. Sounds a bit psychotic. "Oh, I spent my vacation sitting outside with my Taser-like device just waiting for someone to act up so I could use it on 'em."

I did absolutely nothing. I walked to the public library. On the way back, I stopped at the YWCA and sat outside by the pool. I noticed that my pace was not leisurely. I was walking extremely fast. I do not know how to relax anymore. Even sitting at the YWCA was taxing. That used to be my safe haven. I'd go there during my breaks and relax or read a book.

I also walked over to the Asylum and chatted with Matt for a couple of hours. The plan to go to Hooter's tomorrow is still on. My old buddy Bruce sent me e-mail. He also called my beloved cell phone yesterday but I didn't recognize the number. Heck, it's been close to a year since I last talked with him. I finally called him back. We are to meet tomorrow for lunch. Well, hey! It's better than waiting for the ho' to act up and applying the Taser-like device upon her!

Friday August 25

I met Bruce in town this morning. We ended spending almost the whole day at Art's Hideaway. Art's is a quaint restaurant and bar that is pretty much tucked away from the hustle and bustle of downtown. It was good to see Bruce. I lost touch with him about 9 months ago. And, unlike 9 months ago, I was drinking iced tea (non-alcoholic) today and Bruce was drinking beer and wine. Funny how things have changed.

I never received a call from Matt so I assumed that the Hooter's outing was either called off or the ol' lavahead was merely "forgotten." I can easily assume the latter. However, I didn't bother to make contact either. What baffles me is why most guys want to be around babes they could never have. I surmise that it is due to the same kind of idiocy that fuels the Survivor craze. Why not watch a fun, wholesome hurdy-gurdy flick instead?

Oftentimes, I wonder why I have been able to remain a monk for so long. I prefer the eunuch-like existence over possibility of doing da wild thing day in and day out. Do I need Viagra? I seem to enjoy my time with the Taser-like device more than anything else. My current goal is to save up for the Nova Police Special. I need the real thing.

Saturday August 26

As can be predicted, I spent all day sitting in my beloved resin chair with Taser-like device in hand. I received a security products catalog in the mail the other day. So, I also spent a good portion of the day perusing the catalog. I really can't bring myself to do anything else. It's just like the old days at the Roach Motel in Convalescent City. Seclusion is all that I really value. I am willing to use my "security" devices offensively to protect that seclusion.

Many things haven't changed. I still live out of my suitcase, as it were. I have never really unpacked. I am just not comfortable enough to feel as though I am "home." I have no home. I have never had a home. I am a nomad. That is why my possession must be minimized. I am very uncomfortable with opulence (like my Bose Acoustic Wave, for example). I am better off with really cheap crap. What is the sense of owning expensive crap? Pride of ownership? Give me a break. People only buy expensive crap to show others how much they got it goin' on. So, yes, I'm still bantering over whether I should sell more of my junk off or not.

The Taser-like device still bugs me. Is it as good as the Nova brand? How can I find out? I may have to purchase the Nova Police Special. I enjoy owning my "security" devices. More so than the other crap that I have lying around. Perhaps it's because I wait in anticipation to use it. Or, maybe because it is illegal to possess the device in Hawai'i. Well, at least I can't go on a homicidal rampage with it. Sheesh!

Sunday August 27

Another day in the ol' resin chair. Taser-like device in hand, of course. I almost unboxed the Bose Acoustic Wave so I could listen to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. However, I opted to listen to the birds and my wind chimes along with the sounds of the occasional fool mowing his lawn. I despise music now. Music is another vehicle of consumerism. So-called artists are cranking out songs right and left. Each song sounds just like the last. Heck, why reinvent the wheel when repackaging works. The CDs cost a fortune and they just end up collecting dust. In the meantime, we crave the next release. Most of life is this way. Well, we make money so we can spend it. Unfortunately, I have no desire to spend.

So, I sit around with my Taser-like device and ponder whether it really works or not. I haven't found a Guinea Pig yet. However, I managed to add much more to the KnowledgeBase concerning the subject. Hopefully, it will come in hand handy for other security conscious losers.

I've had chips and salsa for lunch for two days. Remember when I used to eat that for dinner in the old days? There is a day coming when I will restore the monastic order. I will return to the old ways. My seclusion will be permanent. And, I won't need the Taser-like device. Well, I take that back. I'll always need the Taser-like device.

Monday August 28

Why I went downtown, I do not know. I had to meet moms at Kahala Mall at noon, so I took the City Express. I waited about 25 minutes before the bus appeared. Mind you, this is the bus that is supposed to run every ten minutes. Of course, it goes to the University of Hawai'i for some odd reason. So, I had to transfer to a regular bus. The wait was just as long. It took me 90 minutes to get there. If I had just taken the regular bus, it would have taken me 35 minutes. The whole bus system is designed for people on welfare and senior citizens. No one else could get anywhere on time using this bus system. Yet, that's not enough impetus to get me to drive.

The traffic on the H-1 freeway was bad this morning. As I observed all the cars in the other lanes, I noticed that each car had only one person in it. Yep, the strange concept of how we humans need a 3,000-pound vehicle to cart our fat asses around popped into my mind. I often hear all of the losers ad school kids on the bus talking about how they wish they had a car. I can't imagine another 50,000 people driving on these roads. Yet, that's probably a good estimate of the number of annual new drivers in Honolulu.

I met moms at noon. The first thing we did was to go to the bank to sign the paperwork. I noticed that my bro had already signed the paperwork. When the inevitable happens, I wonder who will be the first to get to the safe deposit box. Moms and I then had lunch at Panda Express. I enjoyed my time with moms. I walked her to the bus stop and then went to see Mark's dentist. He actually had time to check my teeth. I had yet another x-ray taken. Looks like I will need a root canal. The tooth is actually fractured just as I thought. Funny how my dentist Dr. Root Canal didn't mention this to me. I won't be going back to my dentist again. I have an appointment to have the root canal done by an endodontist. Then, I will return to my new dentist to have the crown installed.

I had a few things I wanted to do at Kahala Mall but since the City Express screwed me up, I didn't have time. I don't think I'm going to town until Friday. I've had enough of this charade, although I should go to the gym. I may just relax and perhaps even listen to psychotic classical pieces on the Bose Acoustic Wave. Naturally, I'll be sitting in my beloved resin chair with the Taser-like device. The root canal is going to cost me a fortune since my dental plan has a deductible. Too bad. I could have spent that dough on a Nova Police Special Taser-like device. Easy come, easy go.

To be continued ... Go to M.12