2001: The Viagra Years

Thursday March 15, 2001

Pseudo-professor Roy seemed distraught this morning. I came to find out that he had good reason. He learned, after a battery of tests, that he had a heart attack in December. Because of a series of mishaps and general stupidity, he was only told about this yesterday. Although he didn't experience any of the usual symptoms, it appears that the situation is far more serious. He told me that he has had a history of high cholesterol levels. I, too, have the same problem, although I have not taken it as seriously as I should. Maybe it's time for me to start the Metamucil treatment again.

I have been in extremely bad way for days. Nothing seems to be going right. My pathetic Palm projects are a done deal since the Palm Developer's site is history. It may never come back on line. Sheesh! So far, I have lost the equivalent of what I earned after taxes every month for the last three months because of the non-recession. It is as if I have been working as a volunteer. My chronic fatigue is also depleting my patience for stupidity. I am on the verge of violence. Moms accused me of calling her cooking "junk" (Pidgin). I exploded in rage. I suspect that moms is now suffering from aural hallucinations.

Everything else is just plain stupid. Pseudo-professor Cathrin mentioned that she has an average of about 10 student absences per class for every meeting. That's about my average. I didn't feel so bad after that. Pseudo-professor Allison said that she has seen Steinman with yet another entourage of "buxom" babes on the Windward campus. He apparently is a stud, or a fool. I have observed that there are number of babes who look specifically for vulnerable male faculty. Heck, I have a few of them in my classes. Each and every day I wonder how I tolerate this toilet bowl that we call life. The real problem is that there is no escape. Conformity or tolerance for these conditions is totally unacceptable. There is no safe haven. No refuge. Sometimes I just wish that I could be like everyone else. A simple shopping spree seems to cure all.

Perhaps I should purchase a good programming development environment like C++ and work on a few mindless projects. First, I would need a better computer. As usual, thwarted at every turn. Denied at every instance.

Friday March 16

I was able to reserve the necessary Creator IDs for my foolish Palm applications last night. The Palm Developer's site still had the posted notice about the site being down. I decided to try anyway. Thus, I plan to spend part of the weekend on my Palm projects. So far, I haven't received any feedback from anyone.

I neglected to mention that I had a conversation outside my lab class on Wednesday with JR, one of my students. It kind of falls in line with the topic I discussed the other day concerning the chimp-like behavior.

"See that blonde. She's the first chick who dissed me here," JR said, pointing to a babe in the distance. "I managed to get her phone number on the bus," he continued, as the buxom student from Sweden walked by. "I figured that, if she gave me her phone number on the bus, then I'm down with her, if you know what I mean. With a body like that, can you blame me?"

"Well, I guess not," I chimed.. I observed that baby was indeed quite buxom.

"Yeah, I invited her over to my place. I even cooked dinner for her. Then, after dinner, I made my move. Do you know what she told me? 'I didn't think you were that kind of guy. I thought you just wanted to be friends.' Can you believe that?"

"Unbelievable," I said.

"Friends, my ass. If I wanted to be friends, I wouldn't be cooking her dinner and stuff like that."

Nothing ever changes. It's always the same old game. Frankly, I'm really happy that I don't need to play this game. I'm a monk. I've got two C++ books that were originally addressed to Pseudo-professor John. Since he's no longer around, I claimed them. I sure hope that he has more books coming. As faculty, we can order evaluation copies of textbooks. Perhaps I should start ordering a few myself.

I saw Eric on the express bus in the afternoon. He was alluding to how he must break up with his babe. "One day, just shave your head and tell baby that you've become a monk," I advised him. "Tell her that you felt as if you were an empty shell and that you needed to find spirituality. She'll run the other way. You'll have to keep your head shaved for a year. If you run into her after that, just tell her that you fell away from the flock." I have no idea where I come up with these gems.

Saturday March 17

I spent all day nerding out just as I planned. I finished two of my Palm applications. I downloaded another integrated development environment (IDE) program for the Palm platform last night. I'm not sure if it will even run properly on my beloved, albeit outdated, notebook computer. It uses C++ so my new books may come in handy. I've been reading them on and off all day as well. I'm not even sure why I'm doing any of this since I have absolutely nothing to gain. If I do develop any real applications for the Palm, then I'll still offer them as freeware.

Well, I'm going to keep an eye out for any deals insofar as notebook computers are concerned. I'm sure that I can get by until the end of the year. A new computer is the only thing that I'm willing to spend any dough on. Sheesh! I had to drive moms down to Koko Marina because she wanted to go shopping at Foodland. I took that opportunity to buy another 12-pack of cheap brewskis. Naturally, I had to drop back a few. I'll be continuing the installation of my new Palm development environment as well as uninstalling any useless applications. Tomorrow will bring another day of nerding out. I actually find it relaxing. I'll be droppin' back a few cheap brewskis as well.

Sunday March 18

I decided to ruin my day by making a quick calculation of my tax returns. Looks like I owe about $600 in total. It just never ends. My guess is that people who make between $20,000 and $40,000 annually have almost identical disposable incomes. Why? The [copulating] taxes, that's why! I'm not exactly for Shrub's tax plan either since I don't stand to benefit beyond little more than a $50 tax credit. My income is too low to qualify for any relief. I can see why everyone goes on a spending spree. There's no point in saving for retirement. The sacrifices aren't worth it, since all of that money will only be used for medical expenses anyway.

The real poverty-level cutoff is around the income of $80,000 per year. Below $60,000 annually can be considered "beggar" status. I realized this today when intrusive thoughts of purchasing a new computer once again violated the cavernous regions of the oversized cranium. Later, I came to realize that the affluent do not even have to consider the purchase of a computer. Usually, it's part of their generous employment compensation packages. In fact, almost everything is part of the compensation package when one is member of the elite class. What I probably should do is go through the motions of starting up a consulting business. I can write off the purchase of a new computer and all other expenses. I'll claim a hundred dollars in profit. Then, I'll just close down operations after two years. That should give me a small tax break.

I'm really beginning to see the light. The reason that people spend every dime they earn isn't plainly obvious. It's a matter of operant conditioning. Saving the money does absolutely nothing because it will disappear after any interest or dividends are taxed. If there was a way to shelter the dough, then it would be a different story. However, the most generous tax shelters are only available to the affluent. It really doesn't matter which political party is in power because none of those politicians are earning poverty wages. They have no idea about the plight of the poor. Nor do they care.

There's always more than meets the eye. Everyone is coming down on Shrub for mealy mouthin' about the CO₂ policy. Let's fact it, though. It's not just Shrub's oil and coal buddies who are to blame. The majority of CO₂ emissions are from cars. The same cars that most idiots want to drive around all the time for no apparent reason. And, why not? They have to buy the cars or lose the money. The more I think about it, I'd rather have a new Z3 than an empty bank account which was slowly depleted by increasing taxes.

The bottom line is this — there's no way out of the peonage. Live it and love it. I read an interesting article in Salon last week concerning the music industry. As a result, I'll never buy another music CD again. The industry is controlled by independent brokers known as "indies." They are part of large money laundering scheme which promotes mediocre CDs through an exclusive promotion process. Essentially, the exorbitant price the consumer pays for CDs is used in this marketing scheme in which radio stations are compensated to play certain songs. In other words, we pay for someone to tell us what we will like and want to buy. No thanks. Everyone's getting rich except for the poor, foolish consumer.

I return to the salt mines again tomorrow. I have a profound new sense of the vanity of life. I could easily give in to what the money changers want. The peons fuel the economy. It is their reckless spending (usually because of the forces I described) which gave rise to the bourgeoisie. Make no mistake — this is a clear case of oppression. Just no one can see it in the land of plenty.

Monday March 19

I received some e-mail from people who saw my name on the Neighborhood Board ballot. Roach also mentioned that he saw the ballot as well. He was probably happy because I may be able to provide the Asylum with free publicity if I am elected. Fat chance! I'm not doing anything for the jackasses who refused to stand behind me during the ordeal with Toad. I doubt that I will be elected. There are quite a few candidates and most of them are haole. My original contention was correct in that the board is a stepping stone to higher political offices.

I'm still pretty fired up about the amount I owe in taxes this year. Heck, all I have to show for last year is a new pair of pants and a root canal. Sheesh! Sometimes I have to wonder if I am any different from Pseudo-professor Steinman. I don't have an entourage but I have an unusual rapport with the "dangerous" babes in my classes. Perhaps I need to jolt my own cranium with the Nova Spirit.

Tuesday March 20

A couple of my students (i.e., the "dangerous" babes) showed me the Hot or Not Web site. Last night, I wasted two hours on the mindless activity associated with the site. It's so stupid that I am using it this week for my lecture breaks. If I see my students glazing over, I just pop open the Web browser. I have to admit, it certainly goes over really well with the short-attention-span-theater crowd. Sheesh!

I discovered yet another book addressed to Pseudo-professor John. So, I claimed it. The book is about Java programming. All in all, the three books are worth about $300 and they are exactly what I wanted. This will help offset the trauma of my tax situation. Well, at least Spring Break is right around the corner. The teachers for the State school system and the faculty in the University of Hawai'i system are due to go on strike shortly after the vacation. I don't sympathize with them at all because I am paid much less than they are. The whole educational system in Hawai'i is in dire straits. It's one of the lowest ranking in the nation. And, it has nothing to do with pay. It's a matter of quality.

Frankly, I'll be happy to see the strike occur. Traffic will be a lot lighter. All of the high school punks will be out causing trouble. Then, perhaps a few people will come to their senses and pull their heads out of the sand or their [rectums]. None of it really matters to me. There is a force yanking on the plunger of the toilet. As soon as it gets pulled, all of the turds are going to be swept down through the vortex. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Wednesday March 21

I filed a grievance against myself with the administration of the Asylum for dereliction of duty. An altercation erupted as a result of my overzealousness concerning local issues. I could have defused the situation, but I only ended up exacerbating the situation by assuming a defensive posture. I have become "wise in my own eyes," and this latest incident was the wake-up call for humility. I can liken myself to Captain Waddle (commander of the USS Greeneville). My ship is my class; the students are my crew. Any incident that occurs on my watch is my responsibility.

I have not been myself for weeks and I have no idea why. I am fairly certain that I will be resigning from my faculty positions within three years. I will do no one any favors by continuing on my current path. Many of the local students at the Asylum believe that I have a disdain for locals in general. That should have made it clear to me that my methodology is questionable. Of course, I have quite a few solid backers as well. I can turn the recent situation around. The real problem is that the incident should have never happened in the first place. While attempting to free these people from the clutches of oppression, I have become the oppressor.

Thursday March 22

An empty beer can was lying in the front yard this morning. I threw it in the carport of the House of Lolo. Apparently, the young ho' and her friends were out partying last night. State K-12 school teachers will be striking in April, right after Spring Break. So, all of the kids could care less about school. It's party time! These young punks are drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and doin' da wild thing every night of the week. Who is paying for all of this? Are their parents that affluent and/or that stupid?

Things are going to get worse. The first batch of welfare families will be weaned from the system in six months. Tourism is probably going to hit rock bottom because the non-recession will hamper domestic travel. A sharp increase in crime is pretty certain given those conditions. Paradise lost. The bottom line? Be thankful that you don't live in Hawai'i. And, don't plan a vacation here. It will be the most disappointing one you'll ever have taken.

Friday March 23

I believe that I had a brush with insanity. I was walking up the stairs to the faculty computer room when I felt as if my mind was separating into several different planes of reality. My nerves are clearly shot. The constant noise of the city. The endless stream of people staggering around like zombies. The psychos. The morons. The endless traffic. Chaos and anarchy rule the mean streets. My salvation is Spring Break, which officially started after my last class. I just want to vegetate. I know that I must go to town next week to do some work. However, I'm not going to think about that for now.

The economy is a total joke. This major correction is the best thing that has happened. There were too many of the pseudo-rich flaunting their undeserved wealth. Only the truly deserving ones of the old ruling class have survived the non-recession. No one should dare steal that entitlement. They are mentally and physically superior by genetics. Pedigrees. Survival of the fittest. The rest of us are morons. Troglodytes. Only the ruling class can determine what is best for the myriad minions. Only they can determine what we are worth. My recent financial losses are but a drop in the bucket. In the poverty class, a loss or gain of a few thousand dollars means absolutely nothing. I would still be drinking the pathetic Keystone brewskis regardless.

Aside from the obvious sacrifices, I am enjoying living at home with moms. This has been the most rewarding aspect of my return to Hawai'i. The neighborhood is quaint with the exception of one blemish — the House of Lolo. I don't really care to be gallivanting around, preferring the solitude at home. The expulsion of the Ninja Turds have contributed to the quality of life. I suppose that I should live one day at a time. I would probably see things differently and gain a better appreciation for what there is. My long-term goals are superfluous. As long as the short-term goals are in-line with future objectives, then all should be fine. There is no amount of fretting that will change anything. The vacation is here. It's time to relax and unwind.

Saturday March 24

Mark and I ate lunch at Pizza Hut. Then, we saw The Mexican at the the Koko Marina Theaters. The pizza was pretty good. The movie would have been good were it not for the feeble attempt at integrating the obligatory "relationship" subplot. Later, Mark and I had a few Steinlagers at his place. Then, we called it a day. I was supposed to meet a few of the university faculty at the Blue Room for a blues concert this evening. I wanted to go, but just couldn't bring myself to do so.

I have been content in not doing anything in my off hours except drinking cheap brewskis and sitting in my favorite chair. I don't find much value in socializing. It also too expensive. The sociopathic trend seems to be getting worse. I prefer solitude. I'm sure that most people can sense this. I enjoy talking with people when I'm on campus, but I would rather be a hermit once I am at home. This would seem even stranger since my only source of entertainment is my beloved notebook computer.

Well, I'm going to try to enjoy this vacation by limiting the number of days that I make trips to town. I want to vegetate and continue to read my programming books. I want to devote some time to learn more about Palm programming as well. Later this week, I plan to do some "window shopping" for a new computer so I can get an idea of what's available. I just hope that I don't end up buying one in haste. My Fujitsu notebook computer will do fine for another year. Sheesh!

Sunday March 25

As usual, when I have nothing much to do, I always engage in internal dialog about my useless possessions. I will spare that diatribe from the journal. I have been studying the Dell computer catalog religiously. The Inspiron line of notebook computers looks impressive. Of course, the Inspiron inspired me to clean my beloved notebook computer. The unit was filthy with a lot of grime and body oil residue on the keyboard. I used to take much better care of my computer, but that somehow fell to the wayside. I am amazed that it performs fairly well for being a Pentium 133 model with only 32 Mbytes of RAM. I'm using Windows 95 as well. For the most part, my computer does everything that the faculty Dell desktops can do. The speed isn't significantly slower. Odd, isn't it? I only regret that I didn't buy a higher capacity RAM card. That would have bought me about two years more time. As it stands, the newer applications are taxing my computer as they use a lot of virtual memory for swapping.

Moms finally cooked the turkey that I had bought back in December. The Ninja Turds need a baby-sitter so moms will be spending the night at the Turd Toilet Bowl. My bro came by to pick moms up. However, he couldn't seem to get out of his new pickup truck to help moms load all of the packages of food and sundries. That's the "entitlement" attitude. I'll be spending a quiet evening at home. I have been trying to decide whether I should unbox the Bose Acoustic Wave so I can listen to the psychotic pieces on public radio. It just seems to be too much trouble.

My homey Rod called. He's back in Cali but he's planning to return to North Carolina early next month. He also wants to take a vacation here in Hawai'i within the next two months. I'll be back at the salt mines by then, so I won't have much time to play tour guide. I also won't be able to put him up here at moms' house. That would be too much of a burden on moms. She already has to take care of the Ninja Turds as it is. Sheesh!

Monday March 26

I had my teeth cleaned at the dentist. I also learned that I have another cavity. Strange. I haven't had a cavity in about 20 years. Now, in the last year, I have had a root canal and this new cavity. I believe that a lot of it has to do with stress. Hawai'i has not been much of a paradise for me, as you well know. Later, I ended up downtown. Although the university campus was officially closed, I was able to get into the faculty computer room. I managed to get some work done and then I went to the gym.

My trip downtown was not relaxing. Even though today was a holiday (Kuhio Day), there were idiots running amuck everywhere. I have no idea why none of them can walk in a straight line. I must constantly dodge these fools along Fort Street Mall (which is as wide as a city street). The real problem is that my nerves are shot. I may just stay at home for the rest of the week. I'd like to go to the gym, but my sanity is more important.

Tuesday March 27

Like a fool, I ended up downtown again. I stopped off at the university, but only to check my e-mail. I decided to take the bus to CompUSA to look at the notebook computer selection. First, I should mention that I made a harsh discovery today. I have no classes at the university this Summer. So, my income will come solely from the Asylum. I'll probably suffer the same fate as Pseudo-professor John. Of course, this makes it much more difficult for me to be contemplating the purchase of a new computer.

The new models of notebook computers were nice, but I wasn't significantly impressed with any of them. My fondness for my beloved Fujitsu computer may have increased as a result. All in all, I can't say that I'm really excited about purchasing another Windows computer. Then, I visited the section featuring Apple computers. Whoa! The new PowerBook G4 is an impressive notebook computer. If I can afford it, I may decide on that one. Yet, what kind of software (read: free) can I get for the Apple? I would like a computer with a DVD drive. However, what do I need that for? Hurdy-gurdy DVDs? The whole situation is stupid and seems to be a consequence of the subliminal pull of consumerism. My best deal is to buy one of the budget Dell or HP notebook computers. Either should suffice for my purposes. I may be unemployed by that time, so I won't even need a computer. Sheesh!

I walked a few blocks to Border's bookstore. I signed up for the 20 percent discount for educators. Then, I bought an outdated book on Palm programming. Now that I am semi-unemployed, I must take advantage of any kind of discount. That may be my only computer-related purchase for the next ten years. I took the bus back to town and went to the gym. I felt much better after that. My trip to town was once again plagued by myriad morons. I took the first express bus out, and I assured myself that I won't be going to town tomorrow.

Wednesday March 28

Moms and I went to Kahala Mall this morning. We ate a big lunch at the Panda Express. I enjoyed going along with moms because it has been a while since I've done that. Actually, that was probably the most worthwhile event of the vacation. Upon returning home, I retired to my favorite chair. I lapsed in and out of a coma for most of the afternoon. When I was conscious, I read a few chapters in my programming books. Most of the stuff was incomprehensible. I'm not even sure if I can call myself a computer nerd. I became extremely frustrated, so I decided to do my yardboy chores. At least I can easily accomplish those mundane tasks.

I neglected to mention that I saw Toad standing at a busy downtown intersection yesterday. I was on the bus headed to CompUSA. I wonder what kind of crap the slimy amphibian is up to these days. I also noticed that the university modem pool has added a new deterrent to keep anyone from using the system. Three out of four attempts to dial into the modem pool results in a bogus "code 39" message. Why not just dismantle the whole thing? Sheesh!

These are confusing times for the ol' lavahead. I have not regretted my move back to Hawai'i, as I have accomplished what I set out to do. I have set a few goals for myself, but I am being thwarted at every turn. My most difficult setback is my pathetic financial situation. What could have been obtained in less than three years is now just an elusive dream. From bad investments to moronic employment situations, the options before me are dwindling. When I was at the mall, I noticed quite a few babes running around. Most of them are local babes who work at the mall in dead-end retail jobs. A lot of them are drop-dead gorgeous. It made me wonder about my decision to commit to the monk lifestyle. Was that a big mistake? Or, is lust once again surging in the loins? My pathetic life was a quick reality check. I am on this particular path, not just by choice, but also by destiny. My inability to even afford a new notebook computer says it all.

I'm not certain about much these days. Which entities are more important — tangibles or intangibles? Are money and material possessions more important than family and spirituality? Is there a truly attainable compromise situation? What is the real meaning of "purpose" in life? I thought that I had the answers, but now I don't know. The disposition of the Bose Acoustic Wave and my beloved notebook computer are metaphorical icons representing the eternal struggle. The Nova Spirit is symbolic of the elusive key to freedom. The answers should have been here already, but I've either missed the boat or the message.

Thursday March 29

I've spent the last three days cleaning my beloved notebook computer. I have removed three years of grime. mind you, it didn't look dirty at all. However, I could feel the thin film of body oil on the keyboard and trackpad. I also cleaned my beloved Norelco razor today as well. I used rubbing alcohol as a cleaning agent in both cases. That seemed to work fine. I have got to take better care of my stuff. Everything has to last a few more years, if not forever. I have no dough to replace anything.

I made the mistake of going to town today. I discovered that the faculty computer room was closed. The glass windows were being replaced. Mind you, the windows were supposed to be replaced earlier in the week. I made the uninformed guess that the work would be done yesterday. I forgot that we are on "Hawai'ian time" here. Things get done days after scheduled completion dates. No attempt should be made to rectify this, as it will only result in even further delays. That's part of the cost of living in Hawai'i. So, I ended up going to CompUSA again. I took a good look at the Apple PowerBook G4 again. There were many nice multimedia features. However, AppleWorks is still ClarisWorks. The deciding factor, though, was when I noticed Internet Explorer on the desktop. If I am going to use Microsoft products, then I may as well use a Windows computer. Sheesh!

I went to the gym and did my minimal workout. Then, I bought a Manapua. I sat outside along Fort Street Mall on one of the benches normally occupied by the various psychos who hang out there. I pondered the issues of life as I ate my Manapua. There is something terribly wrong with this picture. My big vacation, and I'm on the edge. The edge of sanity. I'm trying to talk myself into buying a new computer for no particular reason. I'm probably so deep in some kind of funk (as Steph would say) that I don't even know it. Every single thing seems to get to me. For other people, it's like water off of a duck's back. I'm not sure about what I want anymore. I probably don't even need a computer. Heck, maybe I don't even exist.

Friday March 30

More modem problems. It's either the crappy university modem pool, or it's the Rube Goldberg wiring that pops did a long time ago. Probably the latter, since I must use the old phone trick again to connect. Of course, it could be my cheap modem as well. Who knows for sure? I have no way to test these conditions since I have only one modem. I almost foolishly decided to run out and buy a new computer today. A near $2,000-plus rash decision, only because of my inability to connect using my modem. Makes no sense.

Why all the hasty, diffuse objectives? Who knows? I have made a major decision to abandon my financial goals. There is no way that I'll meet my retirement objectives in three years. Then again, I may be unemployed as early as this Summer. Additionally, external factors are weighing heavily upon my decision. If the State gives in to the unions again, we will have significant tax increases. A major strike is to occur in one week. Corruption in all areas of local commerce has caused a significant increase in the prices of goods and services in Hawai'i. The failing domestic economy will translate into less tourist dollars. Hawai'i is going to dive head-first into a real recession.

I don't think that I will be going on a spending spree anytime soon. However, I have to regroup. I should get rid of everything I own including my beloved notebook computer. My six-four has retained its value, as I have seen a few comparable models with asking prices close to $8,000 or so. Not bad for an 11-year-old vehicle. The technology toys are what enslaves the unwitting fool. Computers and other gadgets are just endless money sinks, similar to a car. If I sell all of my crap, then I can buy a (real) '64 Chevy Nova and either a kayak or a surfboard. I can work at a mindless, peon job and then hit the beach in my spare time. Many of the locals are already deep into that scene. Many of the guys make even less dough than I do, and they have babes. Yes, babes! I'm not worried about the babe situation. I'm a monk. I am, however, worried about the other aspects of life gone awry. Is my new proposed solution the real answer? I don't know.

Moms and I walked to Koko Marina. Moms did some shopping at Foodland. I merely had to buy another bus pass. Upon returning home, I spent the rest of the day alternating between my favorite chair and my beloved resin chair. I read my programming books for the most part. And, I contemplated my on-going dilemma. Later, I unboxed my trusty ol' Bose Acoustic Wave so I could listen to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. A fitting end to another Spring vacation. I only wish that I had bought that suitcase of cheap brewskis when I was at Foodland. Sheesh!

Saturday March 31

The Bose Acoustic Wave has been on all day. I've been listening to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio. I also listened to a few of my outdated CDs. I've got to get rid of my Smooth Jazz CDs and replace them with House compilations. I also did my yardboy chores. The yardboy chores are never done. And, I finally added more babes to the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). Why do I bother? I don't know. I had all vacation to make a few modifications to the LoserNet site, but I never got around to it. Since I'm the only one who visits LoserNet, the modifications are moot.

I broke down and drove my six-four down to Koko Marina. Yep, cheap brewskis. I powered down a whole six-pack. Big headache. I'm livin' large in a small way before I must return to the salt mines. I ran ScanDisk and did a surface scan of my hard drive. So far, so good. There are no signs of problems. If the LCD screen gives me no problems, then my Fujitsu notebook computer should survive the year. As much as I want a new computer, I really can't afford one. I will, of course, be able to keep a stock of fire water (read: cheap brewskis), if that's any consolation. Sheesh!

April Fool's Day 2001

The last day of my vacation. The Bose Acoustic Wave was on most of the day. The psychotic classical pieces on public radio were getting on my nerves by late afternoon, so I boxed up the Bose as per my neurotic ritual. My beloved computer has been on for most of the day as well. I managed to do my houseboy chores, too. I can't believe how much I've bought into the wage slave's life. Just like the average slave, I live for work, even though I don't particularly care for what I do for a living. Time is measured in pay periods. I'm getting deeper and deeper into the "Matrix." It is, after all, money that rules. Dinero. Cabbage. Mullah. I am even more cognizant of how technology shackles all of us to this prison of the mind.

I'm getting real tired of hearing about how all of these rich pricks have got it goin' on. I'm glad that I don't have a tube. Then, I'd be inundated with that crap. The nefarious tube hypnotizes the unwitting viewer into believing that dreams can come true. All one has to do is look and live the part. That's when fantasy intrudes upon reality. No matter what the ruse, the bottom line is always money. If you want to dance, you have to pay the piper. No tickey, no laundry. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! I'm on the outside looking in. Who else still uses Windows 95? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Can I get a witness? Baha! Ha! ha! Haaaaa! For me, every day is April Fool's Day!

Monday April 2

My return to the salt mines was uneventful. The only highlight of my day was my discovery that I now have a locker in the faculty computer room. I don't feel so displaced, even though I do not have any classes for the Summer. I am pretty certain that my time is limited. Who knows when I'll get the ax. Pseudo-professor John found that out the hard way.

I've decided that moronic people aren't that moronic. Nor are they oblivious to their environment. What we often attribute to stupidity is really selfishness and manipulation. There is no excuse for unacceptable behavior. There is no benefit of the doubt. The psychological model for the "rational" human being applies. Stupidity is actually reckless selfishness. It is a deliberate form of mental brinkmanship in which the more ethical individual would concede. Make no mistake. The moron has won and knows this for a fact. This is the battle in life that the good people are losing. Many of the latter are being bought out by the morons. Why? It's easier to be a moron rather than be a responsible person. Truly responsible people are the real morons because they will end up subsidizing these selfless punks in one way or another. I have no pity for these punks. What they all need is a good jolt to the cranium with the Nova Spirit. Society has gone to hell in a handbasket. It will take a higher source to flush all of the turds down the toilet. And, a good squirt of Toilet Duck may help. Sheesh!

Tuesday April 3

I was in a really bad way today. The myriad tiny stresses of life are synergistically taking a toll on the sanity of the oversized cranium. My sanctuary is at home. Living in moms' house has been a lesson in humility. I'm not complaining, however, because I feel as though I am vicariously experiencing a period of newfound innocence. I am reliving a portion of my childhood as an adult. I have also devoted a lot of time to the chores of the household. There seems to be something rewarding about that.

"Welcome back to life," Mark had greeted me yesterday on the express bus home. Wage slavery is more like Night of the Living Dead. I'm at the point where I wish I didn't have to leave the house. Is this what was the precursor to my Uncle Mike becoming a hermit? Did he see society back then as I do now? Some may grow weary of my cynical appraisals. However, I feel somewhat optimistic considering that I've lost $5,000 as of today. Not much by most people's standards. For me, it was my life savings in the form of an IRA and an aggressive technology fund that I had foolishly invested in last year. All of it will find its way back to the rich pricks, the truly deserving ones. Poor, stupid people like myself deserve nothing except more suffering. Genetic inferiority has no rewards. Fascist scum like Slobo are not the only megalomaniacs who exact cruel genocidal "cleansing."

My beloved notebook computer is the most valuable possession. I have decided to plan my budget for a new computer no matter what. I'll have to set my sights a little lower as I cannot truly afford a high-end notebook computer. The surfboard and '64 Chevy Nova should also be in the budget. The computer is necessary for more than killing time. I believe that it will be the pivotal element in the coming revolution. I'm not talking about the lame technological revolution. There will be social upheaval and carnage caused by the genetically inferior breed. The aristocracy of the genetically superior will be toppled. Some will be sacrificed at the Altar of Burnt Money. Other will sit in vats of slime created by their own evil works. The monks will prevail and rise to lead the flock. How do I know? Why, I am the soothsayer! Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!

Wednesday April 4

Two staff members have departed the Asylum under mysterious circumstances. I suspect that they were terminated. The Asylum has had a long history of employment problems. There is a lot of tension in the air. No one can really be trusted in that place, so I must always "watch my back."

The academic coordinator has the lab class before mine. I asked him about the cutback in classes for the Summer. "Did you want a class?" he asked. "Pick any class at any time." Apparently, there were few classes offered because most of the faculty want the Summer off. I was not listed for a class because I had neglected to respond to an e-mail. It looks as though I'll be able to facilitate one class. That's fine. Now, I will be able to purchase a new computer in the near future.

All of the teachers in the State K-12 education system as well as faculty at the University of Hawai'i will be going on strike tomorrow. I'm sure that most of the school kids (like the young ho' next door) are extremely happy. Let's hope that the strike is a long one. We have no commitment to education here. So, why pump more money into a failed system? The University of Hawai'i campus would make a great prison conversion. Our small prison is overcrowded as it is. Hawai'i has the fourth fastest growing prison population in the nation. There is a greater commitment to criminals than to students. If we cut out education completely from the budget, then taxes may be lower.

There are a bunch of idiots soliciting signatures for a petition to allow gambling casinos here. The solicitors are all haole. Very curious. They make a hard sell for the number of jobs that the gambling industry will create and how it will benefit the economy. What a damned joke! The only way that idea could succeed is if Hawai'i can feasibly compete with Las Vegas. With the way we do things half-ass around here and with the cost of living so high, I could barely contain my laughter at this ludicrous proposal. The petition drive is probably being sponsored by some of the sleazy elite class who are targeting the local gambling addicts. The gambling habit is growing like a cancer here. Then again, maybe the petition is a good idea. Casinos could bring about many thousands of minimum wage jobs. Perfect for our extremely large and uneducated labor pool.

Thursday April 5

Day One of the teacher's strike. No one really seems to care. Traffic was lighter than usual. Aside from facilitating my classes, I spent my time talking with a variety of faculty and students. I went to the gym for my usual brief workout. All that has been on my mind is my desire to acquire a new computer and the kind of fund that I will invest in this year for my IRA. I am growing more fatigued by the day. There's no relief in sight. In fact, I have nothing to discuss in the journal. I just want to lapse into a coma. I suppose that I'll just cruise the Net and probably spend some time at the Hot or Not site. Sheesh!

Friday April 6

Get up at 5:30am. Drink a cup of coffee and eat a piece of King's Sweet Bread. Take the 6:30 express bus to town. Facilitate my morning classes. Eat my small bagel and ham sandwich for lunch. Facilitate my afternoon classes. Go to the gym. Hang out at the faculty computer center. Take the 5:15pm express bus home. This is my usual ritual. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I get up and hour later and leave on the 7:25 express bus. In the evening, I usually eat dinner, take a quick shower, and spend the last of my waking hours with my beloved notebook computer. If ever there was a perfect description of wage slavery, then this is it. Welcome to the life of a chimp.

Still no word from the academic coordinator. I had e-mailed him yesterday about my interest to pick up a class to facilitate this Summer. I am becoming obsessed with the idea of purchasing a new computer. This was further substantiated last night when my mouse driver disabled itself. Of course, this is more of a Windows problem. That's what really bother me. I don't want another Windows computer. If I must settle for Windows, then it should be Windows 2000 or XP. I am still considering a Dell computer. I'm not even sure why except that Dell always receives high marks from the "pundits." Who the hell are these damned "pundits" anyway? I ran into a former student who just bought a Dell Inspiron notebook last year. He seems extremely satisfied with it. So, this is the route I may go. The consumerist bug has certainly bitten again.

Saturday April 7

Get up whenever everyone starts making noise. Drink several cups of coffee and sit in my favorite chair. Review the same computer pamphlets that I've been looking at for months. Lapse in and out of a coma. That's a summary of my weekends. Sometimes I'll do my yardboy or houseboy chores. If I feel ambitious, I drive my six-four to Koko Marina to buy a supply of cheap brewskis, or I'll unbox my Bose Acoustic Wave to listen to the psychotic pieces on public radio. I spend most of the evening cruising the Net with my beloved notebook computer. If ever there was a definition for "livin' large in a small way," then this is it.

Moms cooked all kinds of food again, this time with the pathetic hibachi. Moms bought what appears to be a oven grill and is using it as a Rube Goldberg replacement for the cheap grill that came with the hibachi. It's a sorrowful sight to watch moms cook on that piece of junk. Moms was in a hurry because she had to take the bus to the Ninja Turds' place. It has been too much trouble for the dolts to drive here, so moms delivers the food. Just like Domino's Pizza!

I've been preparing my beloved notebook computer for the transfer of some its files. I'm purging all the extraneous files that I can to facilitate the process. The lithium battery for the CMOS memory is also due for replacement this year. I plan to have the new computer before then. I'm not even sure where the battery is located since the documentation indicates that "authorized service personnel" must replace it. Sheesh!

Sunday April 8

Pops is battling with cancer once again. Cancer of the bladder, to be specific. After a series of chemotherapy treatment, the cancer was thought to be in remission. The last time I had seen pops, he said that he was confident that the cancer was under control. Thus, he was looking forward to moving back to Honolulu with a clean bill of health. I'm not sure what his plans are at this point in time. I'm worried that pops' days are limited.

Moms was home all day since she must attend a special church service this evening. I'm happy to be at home. There's a lot of comfort for me in keeping company with moms. I find that I'm spending a good portion of my days, whether at work or at home, in contemplation about what is most important to me in life. I am deeply saddened by my foolishness of the past 20-plus years. I regret that I did not return home much sooner. I'm also saddened by the fact that I have nothing to show for myself. I have no family of my own. I can barely support myself. I'm sure that this worries moms, which means that I am more of a burden than anything else.

Moms took the bus to church. That's bring me to another point. Why did I ship my six-four here? I should have sold it and bought something that was much more comfortable for moms. I have been living on my own and thinking about myself for all these years. I only satisfied my immediate needs. That's why I'm at a loss these days. The only aspect of life that has any real meaning is family. In a cruel world, it is the only safe haven. The family is the only source of love and caring. Money can't buy that. I have learned that there is nothing that can replace the time that I spend with moms. This is all that I truly have. I cannot even begin to describe my own revelation. I just know that it's spiritual. I'll revel in its discovery now, knowing that it is fleeting and that I may never grasp it again in my lifetime.

To be continued ... Go to V.06