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2001: The Viagra Years

Monday October 1, 2001

My bro and I overdid it with the pizza and brewskis. I was not feeling too well this morning. Don't get me wrong. The pizza was really good but it was totally high cholesterol. Sheesh! I haven't been myself lately. I'm glad that I was able to secure a copy of the OS X upgrade. That's about all I've been interested in. If I had my way, I'd just be on my beloved iBook all day. Instead, I must earn a paltry living by slaving away in the salt mines. Only ten more days before American Century closes one of my mutual funds, and my paper loss will convert to a capital loss of $1,900 or so. My other losses are in my retirement accounts, so they will remain on paper for the time being. Only peons must tolerate this kind of crap.

Life has returned to normal. Certainly didn't take that long. As always, people try to act more humane after a tragedy. However, after the media event was over, everything returned to the usual pathetic state. Stupidity, rudeness, and belligerence keep coming back just like a bad sitcom. Hypocrisy and insincerity. That's really the problem with our society. Heck, we're not even honest with ourselves. Life is just one big media event. So, I'm going to relax by spending the evening with my beloved iBook. I'll probably download a few updates for my existing applications. Maybe I'll even remove Internet Explorer again since the upgrade put it back on my computer. Baha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Tuesday October 2

I'm glad that moms, my bro, and I were able to enjoy the pizza dinner together on Sunday. I had a real sense of family, something I have not experienced in a long time. Nothing else is really of much value in comparison. I don't particularly care if I am still at the university next year. I can get by on what I will make at the Asylum. It's easier to save money by not spending it. Aside from that, all I've been concerned about is OS X. I check the Macworld and MacAddict forums religiously. Of course, the real excitement is over, now that we all have the upgrade in hand. I've been spending most of my time tweaking the system. Actually, I'm just piddling around because I have no other hobbies or interests. I am going to download the AppleWorks upgrade soon. I just need the final release of Netscape 6.1 and I'm done. I've been pondering whether I should remove the old OS 9 completely or not. These are the kinds of critical decisions that I face daily. Sheesh!

I received a brief note from Big John in Convalescent City about a week ago. I finally wrote back. Caroll called and left a message that she's moving again. I suspect that another crisis is in play. I am worried about Caroll. I am not sure about how much longer she can go like that. If it were me, I would have gone on a homicidal rampage a long time ago. Mind you, I was an extremely confused fool not too long ago. I did many stupid things as chronicled in the journal. I did even more stupid things prior to the journal. I have observed that whenever I remained on the monastic path, I was able to circumvent many mainstream problems. Only when I veered off course did I run into serious trouble. This time, I have learned my lesson. I have suppressed any materialistic desires and I have not fallen into temptation because of babes. These two factors alone have probably made it all possible for me to turn my life around. I have also reverted to moderation and compromise. I map out alternative strategies to accomplish my goals, all without exceeding my means. What else really matters?

Wednesday October 3

Well, I upgraded AppleWorks and I stripped OS 9 down to the bare minimum last night. I am actually ready to completely remove the legacy OS but will wait until I am absolutely certain that it's okay to do so. So, my beloved iBook is now a complete OS X machine. I am locking OS 9 to the "Classic" emulation mode only.

I've had several discussion today at the Asylum concerning my status as a monk. A faculty member asked because he was not sure whether believe the rumor to that effect. Later, a female student asked if I was married. I said no. She then asked whether I wanted to be set up with Erin, the English instructor. "She's very pretty. And, you're both pretty smart. I think you guys would make a great couple," she said. "I'm a monk," I replied. "Have you ever heard of a dating monk?" Erin, by the way, is the faculty member with a reputation for being partial to the guys, if you know what I mean. I am not sure if she facilitates any classes at the university but Sierra, one of my students from last Spring, was in one of her classes. Almost everything that has been said about Erin at the Asylum was repeated verbatim by Sierra at the university. What more can I say?

Professor Brian told me that he saw my name listed for three classes in a draft copy of the Spring term schedule. That list could change at any time, so I'm not holding my breath. I'll just continue with my five-year plan and make any adjustments along the way. When I returned home, I noticed the pungent odor of insecticide. I knew right away that moms had been spraying "termite medicine" around the foundation. I don't say anything anymore. Makes no difference anyway.

Thursday October 4

I managed to find an update for Fetch (FTP client), so it has been working fine. However, I have had a lot of difficulty uploading the journal. There have been a variety of problems. At this point in time, none of the problems are because of OS X. My beloved iBook has been running almost perfectly. I am gradually finding a few bugs in OS X, but none are major. The new DVD player is pretty good, although some of its features are not functioning. The video quality is slightly worse than the old player. The quality is adequate for viewing my hurdy-gurdy DVD library.

I restored my monk haircut today at the usual clip joint. The cut wasn't good as the last one. Oh well. Does it matter? Not much can improve the porous look of the oversized cranium. Move over, General Noriega, there's a new sheriff in town. Sheesh! The days are advancing rapidly. The week is quickly drawing to a close. The end of the year is not far off. This is the plight of the wage slave. My only source of comfort is my beloved iBook. I'm not sure why I continue to read the Apple forums. I suppose that the benign activity gives me something to do. I will have to invest in a good Unix or FreeBSD book. I want to acquaint myself with the Unix shell commands and get more into programming. The OS X upgrade that I purchased includes the development package for OS X applications. Let's hope that I can come up with better crap than my cheesy Palm applications like Psycho. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!

Friday October 5

Another week in the salt mines has drawn to a close. Next Monday, I must attend the Asylum's faculty and staff retreat. Wheee! I am extremely fatigued once again, and I look forward to a weekend with my beloved iBook. I'm glad that I was able to secure a copy of the OS X upgrade last weekend. I am still waiting for the the one I ordered by mail last week. I'm pretty sure that I would have been going berserk by now.

My bro has been repeatedly telling me that he wishes he would be laid off from work. He wants to go back on unemployment because he had been digging holes and putting up fence posts for the last month. I feel the same way, but I don't qualify for unemployment benefits. My bro has been working for 18 years straight at a variety of jobs, carpentry being the most current. I've only been seriously working for a little over three years. And, I'm really not even full time. Sheesh! I suppose that my bro's wife now earns enough to cover the slack, although I am still a little skeptical about my bro's situation. I seriously believe that he will be taken to the cleaners later on. My bro's wife has really no reason to stay in that marriage except for the possible inheritance of moms' house. My immediate concern is that they will find a way to move back in within the next two years. Then, I would be forced to move out. I won't mind that situation after I reach my financial goals.

Moms is preparing all kinds of food to cook in the kamado, so I can expect a visit from my bro's family this weekend. Too bad. I really wanted to lapse into a coma for most of the weekend. I don't mind socializing with my bro, but I would also like to have a few days of peace and quiet. I also want a break from the brewskis.

I have made no progress this week concerning the divestiture of the remaining symbols of materialism, although I remain in a state of disillusionment as a result. I should stack everything in a conspicuous location, so I'll be forced to do something about it. My iBook is all that I need.

Saturday October 6

I left for Kahala Mall at 10:30am and ended up at Barnes & Noble to be expected. I ran into Pseudo-professor Jim and ended up talking with him until 2:30pm. So, I was only able to spend about 30 minutes looking around before I took the bus home. When I arrived at home, I discovered that my bro's wife did not come by to pick up the food moms had cooked in the kamado. I took refuge at Barnes & Noble for no reason at all. My bro eventually came by at six o' clock. He brought a 12-pack of Steinlager brewskis with him. I was in less of a talking mood than I was earlier but I forced myself to be sociable. I only drank three brewskis because I was not in the mood to imbibe either. My bro washed his beloved truck and showed me the new car alarm that he purchased for it. Afterwards, my bro and I ended up talking until 1:30am. I was somewhat on the edge and I'm sure my bro could detect that. My mood today really had nothing to do with anyone in particular. I just seem to be at wit's end. What I really wanted to do was go to the gym. I had planned to do that in the afternoon, but I didn't plan on running into anyone and babbling all day.

I believe that my fatigue is due to a mild form of depression. I'm in some kind of funk (as Steph would say). I can only suspect that my disappointment with my lifetime performance is at the root. I am constantly evaluating myself and I am not happy with what I observe. I have been trying to pinpoint the problem. At first, I thought that the problem lay with the mundane. Perhaps I was not happy being a monk and now, in mid-life, I have come to regret my decision. In the end, this was not case. I am merely disillusioned with everything. I suspect that the main reason is my loss of spirituality. My disappointment in humanity is probably another cause.

In the last few entries in Anonder's journal, I read, "... and so I made up some excuse about being in a mood of 'existential crisis' due to my visit to the salsa club yesterday, which had convinced me that I didn't belong in this world and that it was time to go on a retreat and perhaps join a monastery, or else become an 'urban monk' and treat my apartment like my monastic cell." At first, I suspected that he deliberately placed this tidbit (and others) strategically to test whether I would spot them. Naturally, I always do and predictably laugh my ass off. Of course, I may be imagining things or have some kind of delusions of grandeur. Nonetheless, I know exactly what he means by "existential crisis." I am not saying that I subscribe to the existentialist philosophy, mind you. However, I do know what it's like to "not belong in this world." This has been my problem all along. I have discovered that my separation from materialism is, by far, the most alienating experience possible. With it comes the separation from the status quo and the so-called "mainstream." As a result, there is essentially no remaining conduit for common exchange with other people.

I do enjoy the intellectual banter I have with people like Pseudo-professor Jim. Many of us in academia share a common lot. Mendicance and other alternative lifestyles are not unusual for us because we are not part of the upper crust (read: affluent) of society. However, like me, these people move stealthily through life and are not easily identified. I cannot say that I enjoy my interactions with the general populace. Discussing one's possessions and gossiping are "mainstream" topics. As much as I like my bro, I really don't care to engage in a long discussion about his beloved truck, his new $200 car alarm, or the pettiness of his co-workers. Then again, I am always babbling on in the journal about my beloved iBook and OS X. How different is that? Perhaps I am upset by my own contradictions. I am not true to myself and have established egocentric criteria to use to evaluate everyone else. I could possibly be a hypocrite. That's not entirely true because I have previously mentioned that I am a slave to my possession (what little I have left).

Today could have been a nice day. Somehow, I have interpreted the events in such a way to conclude that the whole day was a waste of time. What else did I have to do? I'm not exactly invigorated by a visit to the gym. Perhaps I should continue this feeble discussion tomorrow. My bro will most likely return. He has Monday off, so he may hang out for a while again.

Sunday October 7

I finally made it to the gym. I did a moderate workout. I listened to the news on the tube as I did my cardio segment on the Transporter-like machines. The war campaign has commenced. I managed to have read the "proof" of bin Laden's complicity (as per British news sources) a few days ago, and I can safely say that the document reminded me of a sophomoric research paper. I really have no need to comment further on the situation. I didn't feel too good after my workout. I ate a lot of Kim Chee for lunch and it was obviously exacting some kind of revenge upon me.

My bro and his son came by late in the afternoon. My bro brought a 4-pack of Guiness with him as well. We polished those off fairly quickly. Aside from that, we didn't do much. However, I can safely say that the Guiness reduced the effects of the Kim Chee somewhat effectively. Sheesh! I am worried about my bro, although I have no concrete reason for concern. It's just intuition, I suppose. I do not want to see him taken to the cleaners in the future, obviously because I will be in no position to assist him.

I'm not exactly looking forward to returning to the salt mines. I must attend the Asylum's retreat in the morning. Wheee! These are the kinds of  commitmentsthat accompany "gainful" employment. I'll spend the last remaining hours of the weekend with my beloved iBook and OS X.

Monday October 8

The retreat was anything but that. However, I was more comfortable in the modest surroundings of the classrooms than the posh Plaza Club that was rented out last year. These meetings accomplish absolutely nothing. All I keep hearing is lip service. Little wonder why nothing changes. The theme this year was "High Touch - Customer Service." After the breakout sessions, we heard summaries from various groups. I am almost amazed at how the worst violators of sound principles are often the ones babbling on. I am only happy that there was a lot of food. Naturally, I chowed down.

The only reliable news available to us now comes from other countries. I'm beginning to feel as though I live in a Fascist state. An article in Asia News states that there is reason to believe that US activity in Afghanistan may be directly related to oil interests. The neighboring countries to Afghanistan have a proven supply of untapped crude oil. The only possible conduit to transport the oil is a pipeline through Afghanistan, which also has a large supply of oil and natural gas. Unocal was involved in a joint venture not so long ago that involved the construction of a pipeline, but the project was aborted because of the political instability of the region. Naturally, this also explains why Iraq was the other target in this so-called "war." Did you say, "Big Oil"? I'm not sure who to trust anymore. Who is more credible? Osama bin Laden? Jerry bin Falwell? George bin Bush? Ol' bin lavahead? The only thing that really bothers me is that the gasbag politicians will scurry into their armored bunkers when the retaliatory forces strike. Perhaps this whole crazy scheme was hatched in Dick bin Cheney's secret "Star Chamber" meetings with Big Oil. Lord have mercy.

The OS X upgrade that I ordered from Apple has still not arrived. I am glad that I took a chance and went to CompUSA a week ago when limited quantities of the upgrade were available. I know that I would have gone berserk by now. Perhaps I should order a few more hurdy-gurdy DVDs to celebrate, eh?

Tuesday October 9

I read the transcript of Osama bin Laden's video statement. I was somewhat moved by it, more so than the contrived and spin-doctored crap spewing forth from the gasbag politicians. I won't go into further detail lest I be misconstrued as a traitor. I have decided to disregard all major news sources from this point forward. I am going to compile a list of alternative news sources because that is where I will find the truth.

Truth is difficult to find because no one really believes in it. Credibility is just a matter of how well a media event was pulled off. The pundits just love to over-analyze the vacuous speeches we've heard time and again, and they also like to critique the camera angles that allow for a peek at a fake teardrop or the practiced quivering of the lips. That, they try to tell us, is a look at the person's soul. Yeah, right. As always, the speaker and the speech writer are not the same person. This is the epitome of our culture — contrived, amateurish performances. In fact, that is the basis of most of our own interpersonal relationships. Observe for yourself the crude acting skills being employed by the person you are speaking with. At best, the experience can come close to a cheesy soap opera. At worst, a pathetic rendition of MTV's Real World. We don't expect more, so we don't get more.

Dengue Fever has hit the islands, and it is spreading. As of this weekend, there were at least four reported cases on this island. The disease is transmitted by mosquitos. As you can imagine, there are millions of mosquitos in the tropics. In other news, I am fully prepared to exit the university. The Associate Dean is really beginning to bug me. That prick can take this job and shove it up his ass. If he doesn't watch out, he may have to deal with Ol' bin Lavahead. Baha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaa!

Wednesday October 10

I have been scouring the Web for alternative sources of news. I am beginning to suspect that the "Wag the Dog" situation is far greater than imagined. Nothing is as it seems to be. Wrong is right. My level of disillusionment has increased tenfold. The day was mundane, but I spent most of my time in a state of disbelief. I had much more to say, but I am too fatigued. On the way to town, I looked out the window of the bus. I watched the hordes of four-wheel-drive sport utility gas guzzlers occupied solely by their respective drivers. This is the real reason the US deployed military forces to Afghanistan. It is the beginning of the Big Oil sweep. Heck, I'll just spend the evening with my beloved iBook. Later, I'll just vegetate in my favorite chair. Perhaps I'll contemplate the matter of truth. Then again, maybe not.

I tried to relax, but I am too unsettled. I remember the emergence of the Counterculture Movement in the late 1960s. The Vietnam War had provoked quite a bit of cynicism, hence the terms "anti-establishmentarianism" and "credibility gap" were borne from that time period. There was deep concern that capitalism was an evil beast that would one day consume us all. Those radical ideas were soon squelched when most of the leaders of the movement became victims of the beast. They bought into the system and later became proponents of capitalism. I find it interesting that we are at a similar juncture, but the dissenting voices are either silent or non-existent. We have bought into the system, and have grown far too fond of the excesses and luxuries it affords us. We close our eyes to the fact that the beast still exists and now it must roam the earth to find food for its insatiable appetite. Alternative news sources are now reporting that the US knew well in advance that trouble was afoot. The Russians had submitted quite a bit of its own intelligence findings to the UN well before the tragedy. More disturbing business alliances are being unearthed. The conspiracy is seemingly much more real.

Thursday October 11

I don't have a tube so I am not under any kind of mind control. I no longer even bother to read any mainstream Web sites. Any dissension or debate is not tolerated in this formerly democratic society. The gasbag politicians are warning us that more "terrorist" attacks are likely. Of course, none of them have to worry. They will still be able to conduct the "war" from their armored bunkers. The peons will assume the risk for our capitalist imperialist expansion in Central Asia. The foreign interests of the moneychangers must be protected at all costs. I actually had a lot more to say but I have decided to limit my pontification of the subject. My only real concern is that every aspect of our lives is controlled by the moneychangers. We are pawns to them, and our lives mean nothing to them as well.

With each passing day, I am becoming more convinced that all of the events including the contingencies in the presidential election fiasco were planned way in advance. Information about the "terrorist" attack was deliberately ignored to precipitate the mobilization of the military. The severity of the attacks is being used to justify a long-term presence in the Middle East and Central Asia. A combination of military strikes, economic aid (read: bribery), and the sponsorship of a variety of questionable coups to topple existing non-conforming regimes are the so-called "policies" in effect. The name of the game is "globalization," my friends.

Friday October 12

After a long day in the salt mines, I was happy to return home. The OS X upgrade that I ordered has finally arrived. Since I have already upgraded OS X, it didn't matter. The development programs for Carbon and Cocoa applications were included. I will be installing these programs onto my beloved iBook very soon. I have ordered more hurdy-gurdy DVDs for my library. They should have been here by now, but the mail has been extremely slow since the tragedy of a month ago.

I have been reading information that indicates the level of US involvement in installing the Taliban government in Afghanistan. Yes, we sponsored the effort to put the Taliban in power in order to stabilize the region. The Taliban was also open to the Unocal pipeline plan which was to transport crude oil from Kazahkstan, through Pakistan, to a Karachi port facility. Kazakstan is said to have 50 billion gallons of proven oil reserves, far greater than the current largest producer, Saudi Arabia. Nonetheless, we are now helping the Tajik Northern Alliance regain power. Aren't these the guys the Taliban (with funding and arms provided by us) removed from power? The real clue is that there is very little mention of Osama bin Laden anymore. He is a bit player now.

Yep, it's too bad that my latest hurdy-gurdy DVDs are not here. Perhaps I can take up chicken chokin' as a hobby. I won't be doin' da wild thing anytime soon, so I might as well get a few cheap thrills in before the world ends. What am I talking about? I am a monk. An eunuch. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaa!

Saturday October 13

I spent three hours today shredding my old paperwork with a pair of scissors. I refuse to buy a shredder because I can't justify the cost. And, I realized a major benefit by shredding everything manually — penance for my sins. The sheer discipline required to shred a stack of papers with a dull pair of scissors is mind boggling. In the end, I felt a sense of accomplishment. After all, I am reducing my paper trail. Now, I must terminate all but one of my credit cards. I can no longer maintain any ties with the "infidels" — the damned moneychangers. I should have become one of the Freemen. Sheesh!

My bro did not stop by today. I am glad because I really didn't want to drop back brewskis all afternoon. I had more important things to do like shred a whole pile of papers with a pair of scissors. My new hurdy-gurdy DVDs did not arrive, so I was in a bad way. All of the mail is probably being scrutinized, what with this "reign of terror" and all. The whole situation is being exploited to legally infringe upon our personal rights and privacy. Searching the mail for tools of terror is just the beginning. Might as well make note of the Pagans as well, for future reference. I am now probably on Jerry bin Falwell's blacklist of "sinners."

I really wish that it was possible for me to check out of this global Roach Motel. All I want is a shack out in the middle of nowhere. It will be my monastery. I don't want to see a single human being for months on end, if possible. Just me, my iBook, and my hurdy-gurdy DVD library.

Sunday October 14

The Anthrax scare continues. The paranoia has been running extremely high. The best gift to give anyone these days is a gas mask. The media has played into this phenomenon. Even the FBI played into the media frenzy by issuing a nebulous warning, only to mysteriously retract it. One has to wonder. The events over the past nine months have been extremely suspicious. Can it be that what we are seeing is so blatantly obvious, it couldn't possibly be true?

The new Millennium commenced with no sign of Armageddon on the horizon. There was a close call with the Year 2000 "bug," although the whole event is still suspect. For the apostate leaders of Christendom, something was terribly wrong. Surely, the Almighty would not let them down as this was to be the appointed time of judgment. I have no tangible proof that the tragedy of a month ago was either staged or co-opted by a coup consisting of those very same apostate leaders and the ultra-conservative gasbag politicians. Yet, one thing is plainly clear — what happened on September 11th was a blessing for them. The 6,000 people who perished were sacrificial lambs for the common good. You and I do not fully understand what is good for us. The "chosen" ones, who have been blessed with wealth and divine foresight, can do a much better job.

The "war" has been very popular and, thus, the administration received high marks. Some say that it will last for several years. This assures a conservative sweep in the 2002 and 2004 elections. We can expect all of the vacant seats to be filled by the "chosen" class. When the administration says that this is a "humanitarian" war, we believe it. After all, who else would drop peanut butter sandwiches in Afghan minefields? The reason we donated peanut butter sandwiches is symbolic, and provides a prelude to the Americanized life the impoverished Afghans will soon be living. That, my friends is globalization. The World Trade Organization conference is to be held in the Middle East. Qatar, to be exact. Since it is a dictatorship, there will be a high level of control at the borders. No more pesky demonstrators to worry about, since the WTO will have a say about who can enter Qatar at that time.

The Oil Wars can only come into focus when one performs an independent investigation. The real issue is, and has always been, the transportation of Kazakhstan crude oil. Osama bin Laden is just an excuse. The "terrorists" originated from Saudi Arabia. Yes, that's the same Saudi Arabia that is supposedly our ally. I find it particularly odd that the Prince Sultan US Air Force base was not a target since it's sitting right there in Saudi Arabia and has been the main point of contention with the Islamic "terrorists" since the Gulf Oil War. The latter scenario could never happen because we would never find ourselves bombing Saudi Arabia to ferret out the "terrorists." King Fahd would not tolerate that, and it would jeopardize our pivotal arrangement with the kingdom. As the "war" continues to shift from a law enforcement task (i.e., capturing fugitive bin Laden) to a real war against the Afghan government, one has to wonder why no one notices. As Ted Rall stated in "The Great New Game: Oil Politics in Central Asia" in AlterNet, "Realpolitik no more cares about the 6,000 dead than it concerns itself with oppressed women in Afghanistan ..."

On the home front, we have implemented a Fascist-style of control on news and information. Most of the media is controlled by the moneychangers and ultra-conservative "crusaders" anyway, so the point is moot. Controlled images have been repeated ad infinitum to invoke a sense of blind nationalism. At the same time, fear of many unknowns (e.g., further "terrorist" threats of an unlimited scope) has been deliberately broadcast to broaden the general confusion and paranoia. We have "come together as a nation," but we distrust each other even more. It is under these kinds of circumstances that a nefarious agenda could be accomplished with few suspecting otherwise. There is an agenda at play both on the international and domestic landscape. It's so blatantly obvious that it can't be true. Right? Or, should I ask, wrong is right? I'll have more to add later, I'm sure. The real problem, I believe, is that many of these zealots are either sexually repressed or impotent. Why else would they be causing so many problems? If I wasn't a monk, I would be more concerned about doin' da wild thing as much as possible rather than the amount of grief I can cause. Can we get these fools some Viagra already?

My bro stopped by this afternoon. I was still at the gym when he arrived. I brought home a 4-pack of Guiness, only to discover that my bro also had bought some Guiness. Needless to say, we had a Guiness "drop 'em back" soireé. And, we also stuffed ourselves on pizza again. I am thankful for the good life. Back to the salt mines tomorrow. Yikes!

Monday October 15

I have read that the FBI has already initiated the use of Carnivore (Net monitoring software). All e-communications is being monitored. The Anthrax scare has slowed the mail down. That's probably why I have yet to receive the latest additions to my vast hurdy-gurdy DVD library. I am also certain that a running list of "sinners" is being established as well. This is going to make the McCarthy Era look like drunken, heathen orgy of lust. The ultra-conservative gasbag politicians were ready to pounce on Saddam using the Anthrax debacle as justification. The hidden agenda is becoming even more obvious. What worries me is that the whole situation in the Middle East is a house of cards. The Anthrax scare, however, seems to be the work of our very own domestic "terrorists." Lord know we have enough of them, and they have as much conviction as their foreign counterparts. All I want to know is what happened to my hurdy-gurdy DVD order. Sheesh!

I have discovered that I am tentatively scheduled for classes at the university for the Spring term. I was somewhat surprised, but I can't be absolutely certain until the contracts are in my hands. Well, I am thankful for what I have. I live modestly, and I have done all that is possible to not be an indirect supporter of the Oil Wars. I rarely drive my six-four. My petrol consumption is down to about $25 per year. Can you believe it?

Tuesday October 16

I didn't sleep well last night. I had a cold and clammy feeling, so I got up and sat in my favorite chair for a while. Anthrax, you think? I discovered that my hurdy-gurdy DVDs were shipped from the West Coast exactly one week ago via Priority Mail. My OS X upgrade was mailed on the same day from Indiana via regular mail. The upgrade arrived two days later. My hurdy-gurdy DVDs have yet to show up. I suspect that all mail is being inspected, given the ridiculous Anthrax scare. No doubt, one of the inspectors has chosen to "confiscate" the merchandise.

I have not visited any of the conventional news sites on the Net. And, I go out of my way to ignore the news on the tube. I have restricted myself to alternative news sources. The only good news today was that Apple has introduced a new line of notebook computers. The iBook has been upgraded with a faster processor and a faster system bus. The Titanium PowerBook has been seriously upgraded. I don't regret that I didn't wait for the new models. I'm perfectly happy with my iBook. One day, I'll replace it with a Titanium PowerBook.

Almost every Windows computer I've been on crashes constantly. Applications also fail. Microsoft Office 2000 is the most notorious. There are quite a few irritating bugs, which have left me extremely frustrated. As you may know, I am forced to train people with only Microsoft products. Otherwise, I don't personally use any of that crap. I must spend a good portion of my time troubleshooting either Windows or Office. It's sickening. I've become so aware of this substandard performance ever since I switched to my Apple iBook computer. Well, I'm going to relax for the evening. I'll read the Apple forums and a few alternative news sites. Perhaps I'll even try to trace the package with my hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Sheesh!

Wednesday October 17

When I returned home, I found the house completely locked up. Moms left a note saying that Uncle Nobu was in the hospital. My bro had come by to pick moms up, and they both went to Wahi'awa Hospital. They have not returned, even as we speak. I suspect that my uncle will not make it through the night. He apparently is in a coma. I had seen him last at pops' funeral. He didn't look well then. I didn't drive to the hospital because it was already past 6pm when I got back. I also did not want to witness a repeat of what pops went through.

My hurdy-gurdy DVDs have not arrived. There has been little in the way of mail, and all have been postmarked over a week ago. I suspect that the Anthrax scare is responsible. These are crazy times. I am having extreme bouts of confusion because I do not really understand life anymore. Everything seems so cheap and so vain. I feel as though I am exposed to lies all day long. There is no truth. There is no meaning.

I have noticed that most of my students are babes. So, my interactions during the day are primarily with babes. It's kind of funny because I remember the days when I never knew any babes. I was an invisible eunuch. The whole matter is moot because I am a monk. I just wanted to point out some trivia for no reason at all.

Thursday October 18

Still no hurdy-gurdy DVD shipment. I am certain that the "morality police" in the postal service has confiscated my package. Well, let's hope that the loser has a good time chokin' da chicken, eh? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Some people may mistake my ramblings for "liberal" extremist rhetoric. I doubt that anyone cares, but I'll explain my position anyway. I have views that could be considered extremely conservative, yet I also have views that are extremely liberal. I don't particularly consider myself a "moderate." That's why I am a monk. If I had not become a monk, I would be suffering from an identity crisis. I am, however, not cozying up to the ultra-conservative view concerning recent events. I just don't buy the story.

The alternative media has been focusing on the possibility that details of the "terrorist" attacks were known beforehand. I already firmly believe this. The US is not the only guilty suspect in the Middle East game of pawns, although the US is primarily responsible for installing and/or supporting a number of puppet regimes in the area. We continue to give lip service about democracy, but our actions suggest otherwise. Most of the puppet regimes have become filthy rich as a result of these brokered alliances. The rest of the people in those same countries are extremely poor. We are trying to hold together a house of cards with spit, and it's not working. Several of our former buddies, including Saddam and the Taliban, have turned against us. What we never seem to learn is that, if one plays with fire, then one must accept the certainty of getting burned. Continued treachery by all of the key players is what eventually led to the tragic event of last month.

Now, we have the Anthrax scare, which is impeding the delivery of my hurdy-gurdy DVDs, I might add. The targets of the Anthrax mailings have been individuals or organizations of a more "liberal" persuasion. The most likely suspects are the numerous ultra-conservative militia groups. The administration has been conspicuously silent on this matter, most likely because the targets are also despised by the "chosen." The whole conspiracy sounds too far-fetched. It's too blatantly obvious. No one would have the gall to insult our intelligence like that, right? Guess again. That's probably why it's happening. Hundreds of nefarious psychologists and media consultants have also helped to make this happen. They've analyzed the psyche of the masses, and they knew that it was a sure bet. Most of the population are tube-watching brain donors. Even that fat slob Rush Limbaugh has admitted that we are currently engaged in the Oil Wars. I must continue to dig deeper into history. I have read that the main reason Saddam invaded Kuwait before the Gulf Oil War was because Kuwait was slant drilling into Iraqi oil reserves. It's all sickening, but the sickest point of all is that we have indirectly given our stamp of approval to the whole affair. Every time we hop in the ol' sport utility gashog and drive a half-mile to buy a pack of cigarettes, we cast our vote. Every time we fill up petrol at the pump, we should realize that quite a few people have paid for it with their lives. And, many more will be paying the same price in the near future.

Uncle Nobu has been in the hospital since Monday. He was taken there because he had trouble breathing. He is now on life support, so I imagine that there is little time left.

Friday October 19

This week has gone by quickly. Too quickly. That's the life of a petty wage slave. I was happy to depart the salt mines. I am part of a system that makes no sense to me. I am an automaton. A robot. A cog. An eunuch. Sheesh! My hurdy-gurdy DVDs are lost, I'm afraid. Ten days have gone by, and the tracking number produces no trace of the package. Now, the bare level of my existence has been debauched once again. Kick a man when he's down.

Attempting to find any real news about anything has proven to be extremely fatiguing. I must also watch what I say because I could be reported to the authorities as some kind of traitor. Who would have ever thought that Orwell's prophesy would come true? The economy of Hawai'i is coming apart at the seams. Cases of Dengue Fever in the islands are also on the rise. I am thankful that I am still employed. Others have not fared as well.

I'm not sure what to do since my hurdy-gurdy DVDs are lost (read: confiscated). I'll probably scour the Net for any kind of real news about what is going on. Moms is preparing all kinds of food again, so I expect to see my bro's family again this weekend. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it. I sense some kind of machination going on. My bro's son is soon to be seven years old. They still live in a small one-bedroom apartment. I suspect that they will be moving back into moms' house within three years. Thus, I must make as many financial preparations as possible beforehand. I will be forced to move out after that. I'm sure that you know the rest of the story.

I have finally heard from Malia and also Big John in Convalescent City. Nothing noteworthy to report. I have my iBook to keep me company this weekend. I should be thankful for that.

Saturday October 20

I took the bus to Kahala Mall this morning and spent a couple of hours at Barnes & Noble. There were no new OS X books, so I checked out a few Unix books. Then, I sampled a few music CDs. The urge to buy something on impulse was high, but I resisted the temptation. I don't need any of that crap. All I need are my hurdy-gurdy DVDs, which arrived today. Man, where do they find babes to do da wild thing like that? I'm glad that I'm a monk. I do not have to worry about "getting a life." I have a life. It is the monk existence. The pull of da wild thing is great. I am, perhaps, not doing myself any favors by collecting these sordid hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Why am I doing so, then?

My bro stopped by later in the afternoon. He did a "side" job today for extra dough. Naturally, we ended up procuring two 4-packs of Guiness to drop back. I'm spending far too much money on that useless activity. Not to mention, the brewskis are taking their toll on my health, slowly but surely. I'm better off using that dough to procure more hurdy-gurdy DVDs. Sheesh! I still can't believe the sheer number of drop-dead gorgeous babes who do da wild thing (in every possible way, I might add) in those hurdy-gurdies. If I wasn't a monk, I would be wondering how I could find babes like that. I would also develop some kind of psychological trauma because I would never end up doing da wild thing with any of those babes. I would feel like a true loser. In the end, even the hurdy-gurdy DVDs are a consumerist trap. The real advantage is that babes like Brianna Banks (at right) are way out of a loser's league. Overall, babes are big trouble anyway. I've learned that the hard way. Guys primarily want to do da wild thing. That's it. If I could do da wild thing all day long, I'd be happy as a clam. That's all I would need. Of course, I'm only speaking rhetorically because I am monk. I have no need for da wild thing because I have transcended the level of the flesh.

I have read that there are 11,000 people here recently unemployed as a result of last month's tragedy. I may be joining their ranks as early as next year. Well, if that happens to me, I at least have comfort in knowing that my hurdy-gurdy DVD library is now large enough to carry me through the tough times. Booyah!

Sunday October 21

An uneventful day, at best. I neglected to eat dinner last night, so I was extremely groggy this morning. I was too busy perusing my new hurdy-gurdy DVDs. I'm not even sure why I have a hurdy-gurdy DVD library to begin with. Makes no sense, considering that I am a monk. The whole business about da wild thing has been blown out of proportion. Chokin' da chicken is probably about as pleasurable, if not more so, than doing the Horizontal Mambo with a babe. What is really the difference between a babe and one's right hand? Of course, that's a philosophical question to be entertained by non-monks.

I have been pretty good about going to the gym on Sunday, even when I am extremely fatigued. I have no choice. Well, I could just give up and turn into a fat slob. Does it really matter? There is reason enough to stay healthy, but maintaining any aesthetic appeal is superficial. For most guys, the motivation is — you guessed it — babes. Sheesh! I'm not looking forward to returning to the salt mines. However, that is my call as a wage slave. When will I be emancipated?

Monday October 22

I was extremely fatigued today, no doubt because my weekend was anything but relaxing. There has been more interesting news from the alternative media. Several sources are alluding to a conspiracy that I already believe as truth. There have been disturbing tidbits about CIA "foreknowledge" of the tragedy of last month, although much of it has been dismissed as agency "blunders." An unusual number of stock "put" options were bought just days before the tragedy including shares of American Airlines, United, Airlines, Morgan Stanley, and Merrill Lynch. Sound familiar? No other airlines' stocks were a part of this curious anomaly. An enormous amount of money was made by a select few at the expense of 6,000 others. We can't even trace the money source of the "terrorists" because the lobbying by the moneychangers put the brakes on that plan.

At least one source cited the 1963 Northwoods project, the brainchild of then Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman, General Lyman Lemnitzer. I located a copy of memorandum, and it is sure to raise more than a few eyebrows. The plan called for extreme measures to insure popular support for a military offensive to be launched against Cuba. A series of "well coordinated incidents" would have been staged (analogous to what we now call "terrorist" attacks). The final portion of the memorandum calls for a "Remember the Maine" incident, an event tragic enough to gel vehement anti-Castro support. The mere fact that such a plan was being hatched covertly should make any sane person wonder, "Can it happen today?"

There is something terribly wrong. However, most people are locked in groupthink, perpetuated by the talking heads on the tube. The blind patriotism was extremely predictable. Only a few voices are asking for more. Those voices are lost in the wind. In the meantime, all news has been carefully selected for us. National security, we are constantly told. Yet, the Pentagon has hired a public relations agency to handle the war propaganda. We hear nothing about the so-called "proof" of bin Laden's complicity. Heck, we don't even hear about the goofball anymore. The FBI is contemplating the use of torture to get the 160 suspects to talk. Why? I thought we already had the "proof." As I said, something is terribly wrong. For the most part, the general public does not care. As long as Monday Night Football goes on uninterrupted, no one will get riled up. Aside from sport utility gashogs, I've noticed that gas stations are conspicuously adorned with flags. There are flag decals on the each pump. This is the Oil War. Nothing more, nothing less.

Well, I've had OS X running for a few weeks now. I downloaded the latest update late Saturday evening. As with everything in life, I am in the minority. The rest of the fools are rallying around the "war" effort. I'm trying to make sense of it. Everyone is gearing up for Windows XP. I converted to Apple and OS X. I seem to live Apple's motto. Think different.

To be continued ... Go to V.16

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