|Eunuchs or Unix The Monk Years|
Friday March 1, 1996
|Moving back to Hawai'i is not going to be easy. When I sit there, unable to find work, I will be all alone. No gym. No friends. No access. No money. No LoserNet. My tiny empire will disappear into nothing. I will still have my computer. Perhaps I can start up a new Homer Notebook. But, it wouldn't be the same. What about the book, you ask? Another dream of a lost dreamer. That is another limited access country club. Only a few token individuals make it in. I have learned that dreams are for kids. The reality for most of us is to accept the place awarded us by the powers-that-be. Men do that to other men. The same way that they horde babes is the same way they horde power. Only the chosen will receive their rightful share. Ironically, the weak ones relinquish power to the few. They are taken in by the rhetoric of liberation and equality. Then, when the demagogues take over, they live a life of hedonistic abandon, never once ashamed to flaunt it in the faces of the deprived. The chosen have the audacity to ask the deprived ones to sacrifice more. In monastic life, the higher one goes, the lower one is. The privilege of leadership is manifested in the service to others.||The chosen have the audacity to ask the deprived ones to sacrifice more.|
Methinks it is time for a day of seclusion. I have set up my chair in the corner. That's where I'll be all day tomorrow. This time, I'm not even going to log on. Just me and the cobwebs!
I learned the meaning of the words "detestable" and "adored" today at the gym. I walked into Yalda's step class and tried to find a space. It was crowded and I would have been the only guy. The babes began spacing their steps wider apart so that there was no room for the ol' loser. I walked out and sat outside. The Bull walked in and all of his babes made room for him, including Jennifer, Kathleen, Rama and one of the new babes who has been following him around in the gym. She was one of the babes who was making weekly appointments with the trainers. It is easy to see what she is up to since she always ends up working out near The Bull. It is also easy to see why the babes didn't want me in there. I would have taken up a valuable space best served by someone like The Bull. It's a hard life when one is detestable. I don't know why babes hate the ol' eunuch so much. I went to Lucky's to get more Bush's baked beans. The checker did not say a word or even look at the ol' loser. She was real friendly with the guy in front of me and the guy behind me. I'm glad I'm a monk. If I was in the singles market, I would be one sorry-ass pud! Fortunately, I came home to the slammin' soirée, and BigFoottm had Jeopardy on full blast. That's about all I can and should expect out of life.
Fortunately, my gym membership runs out in about three weeks. It's not doing me any good. I'm still hella puny. I might just quit working out. Who needs it? I don't need to look good. I'm a monk! I can just sit here and spend all night trying to log on. Sometimes it takes all night for me to get a connection. Come to think of it, I was wondering why the access stats were so low (aside from pathetic content), and I discovered that from Sunday to Friday between 4pm and 1am, it was almost impossible to access this site. I could give you a boring dissertation about why that happens but I think even you would rather hear the woeful tales of a loser who is ignored by babes. Sheesh!
As I sat and drank my morning cup o' joe, I was thinking that I could really increase my access stats if I put pictures of babes here. I mean, doesn't that go hand-in-hand (so to speak) with living the eunuch's life? Looking at pictures of babes seems to be a popular pastime on the Web but it doesn't do any good. Some say it gives them hope that they will find such a babe. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but there are many guys who are just detestable to babes. Look at me, for example. Then, you will hear countless stories about how babes end up with jerks. You will feel sorry for them and say to yourself, "If only they knew me." But, do you know why babes who look like Teri Hatcher are not hanging onto the emaciated arms of Weird Al Yankovich look-alikes? I was talking to one of my homeys yesterday. He told me about one of the other studs who videotaped his trysts with all of his babes. One tape had stud flexing and doing some other nonsense while he was in a position that made it impossible for baby to know what was going on. I know guys who do things like that, and I know their personalities. Yet, they are doin' da wild thing with Teri Hatcher types. The babes know what they are getting into and they know the personalities they are dealing with. Just as losers want centerfold babes, babes want hunks. This is not a win-win scenario, and I think we all know who ends up at the bottom of the barrel.
The Bull told everyone that some incredible babe called him today. It turned out to be the babe who was on the plane when we went to Hawai'i back in September. He didn't tell me much but he told Paul that she was coming out to see him. In Janemarie's step class, The Bull was the center of attention and it is easy to see that he knows all the women love him. He is unstoppable. He is a legend. He broke out in a dance move during the class. His gyrations drove the women crazy. I stepped out of the way because I thought there was going to be a stampede. The Bull confirmed that one of the new babes, Tracy, has been following him around the gym and also gave him play in the class last night. Rama also told one of the guys yesterday that she dreams about The Bull. I really don't know of any babe who is not interested in The Bull.
I returned to the Roach Motel and saw that someone had put a sign on the door next to the stairs. It said, "Please do not stomp up the stairs. It shakes the walls." Then, I thought about it. The Idiots put that sign up! Can you believe it? Those self-righteous tubs of lard! The stairs are next to their wall, so I know it is them. Sheesh!
As I was walking to the library, I saw Mrs. Idiot returning home. I knew that if the sign was gone when I came back, then The Idiots put it up. Sure enough, when I returned, the sign was gone. Fido was still barking, too. I know that it was Mrs. Idiot who put the sign up. She spent some time to make it look official. Had it been the Roach Motel management, the sign would have been on all of the doors. Could it have been somebody upstairs? No, because they are the ones who are doing the stomping! You know, I bet Mrs. Idiot is just clueless. She is probably very upset that her right to quiet has been violated and her efforts to assert that right was profaned by some inconsiderate punk. It amazes me to know that the most noisy and inconsiderate people are the ones clamoring for quiet and consideration.
It was another crazy day at the gym. Fortunately, I was able to get in my meathead workout. Then, it turned into social hour. Nobody really seems to do workouts anymore. The Bull said he wasn't going to take Tam's class, so I went in. I was the only guy in there, but none of the babes were near me. I had about a twenty-foot line around me. The Bull threw a blackeye in da game by coming in 15 minutes later. He set up his step in the front of the class, and the babes went crazy. I did happen to notice that all of the babes were watching him. I left about five minutes later because I felt foolish being there. I left with my homey Randy. We met the Cardinal downtown at McClintock's for dinner. The Bull joined us later. I noticed that all the babes checked out The Bull when he came in. The waitress treated him like a king. He got a larger dinner than we did, although we all ordered the famous Baron Burger. Only The Bull ordered desert and, when it came, it was obvious that it was three times the size of the regular serving. I asked The Bull if that was regular-sized. He said, "Oh, no." He knew other people who ordered the same thing before and the portion was much smaller. I told him that he had better thank the waitress. He said that his presence was thanks enough. That is why this man is a legend!
As was expected, today was the first day that the Web Server was shut down. Actually, there is no telling when it will be back on line. I would assume that most of the e-mail activity has originated with all of the babes who are discussing The Bull. Speaking of babes, it has been a babefest out here as the temperatures soared up into the 80s. I can only imagine what it will be like at The Bull's club, Mango's, later this evening. I certainly would not want to be there. Sheesh!
There weren't too many people at the gym today, but there were a surprising number of babes. All of them were checking out The Bull. With my shades, I was able to see everything. The Bull was the only guy that the babes even looked at. Most scanned him up and down. They all checked out his buns of steel. Tam was the most obvious. She must have stared at The Bull for ten minutes. I was talking to Bart at the time and even he noticed it. I warned Bart that there was no way he would meet any babes in there, if that's what he had in mind. He was glad that I warned him. Yes, it is going to a great Spring for The Bull! And, I know that everyone is happy for him!
Things were slow at the gym today. I took Sandra's step class. The Bull arrived later and strolled through the class. The babes went crazy. He then went back out into the meathead room. Today was not a workout day for him. He spent most of the time strolling around talking to his babes. His new babe, Tracy, came in and she kept staring at him. Finally, The Bull made her day when he walked over to talk to her. She melted. Later, I asked if he knew that Tam was staring at him last night. He said, "Oh yeah," because, really, what babe isn't checking him out? I think The Bull made another cool million with his latest contrarian investment strategy. Although the market went down, The Bull came out on top, as usual. And, in my pathetic corner of the world, I am eating Bush's baked beans! Most of the beans have been ending up on the floor for some reason tonight. I almost went into a surge of violence. I could feel myself becoming engorged with rage and throwing the damned beans through the window. As for the gym, I don't know. Sometimes I want to stay there for my last few months. At other times, I question why I want to be one of The Bull's many underlings. What purpose does it serve?
The mail server was busy when I pinged it at 7pm, which is unusual. It is never busy on a Friday night. There were less than 200 people on-line, which makes it seem unlikely that there is much mail activity. We probably will lose our readership by the time we are back on-line. So, I went over to Big John's for Homicide and coffee. What else could I do? I returned before midnight and logged on to find about 100 people on-line. And, the mail server? It was busy again. I think the real server went down and someone put a Timex Sinclair in its place. So, this will be about as good a time as any to go into seclusion. I could detail all of that but no one is reading this diatribe anyway. Sheesh!
Babes need to learn that they have all the power now. But, if they want to approach all situations with men in an adversarial fashion, then the results will be chaotic. For example, not all guys are stalkers, but listen to most women and they certainly do not agree. Yet, when the opportunity comes up to stand in line for a chance with stud, it's no holds barred. Babes have spent a lot time proving that they are not dumb, so why do they get into dumb situations and end up bitter? Of course, we've discussed stalkers (read: undesirables) before. I am one of those undesirables who ended up with a visit from the cops. I look like a stereotypical stalker. These are just some thoughts while the Web server is out to lunch.
The server miraculously came back on-line sometime this afternoon. I was in dire straits until then, and all I could do was wash and wax the primer on my ol' six-four. To celebrate, I ended up at the AutoMall for an exciting evening. Good Lord!
It was a nice quiet day at the gym. I managed to get my meathead workout done. My homey Troy came in. He said he landed a job in Hawai'i and he is moving back there in two weeks. Matt was also there. He wanted to make sure that the all-you-can-eat crab night was still on for this coming Tuesday. I told him that it was still on but I wasn't sure if I am going. I still haven't recovered from the last time. Sheesh! There were many idiots out today, testing my patience. I think the dumbest thing I saw today was some idiot brushing his teeth while he was driving. He happened to be in the opposing lane on a 50mph road. I'm just glad that he wasn't flossing!
I stayed in tonight because it was quiet. No one was home. I logged on only to find that the Usenet server was now down. How am I supposed to download those hurdy-gurdy files from alt.binaries.babes? You thought I was serious, didn't you? To make matters worse, BigFoottm came home. You know, I think I'm going to take a drive on the freeway and bring my toothbrush with me!
It is almost time to wind down the season. As usual, we have a bunch of unresolved issues. Time is running out on my gym membership. I could try to rejoin, but is it worth it? Can I stand another few months of being one of The Bull's minions? There is no need to go into details about my financial crisis. All I know is that I give a whole new meaning to the term "deficit spending." Maybe I should run for office. The real question is ... should we really have another season of this? Sheesh! Then again, this nonsense could go on forever. Can you imagine reading this for 20 more years? Lord have mercy!
The talk of the gym today was the all-you-can-eat crab night tomorrow. Since The Bull is organizing this one, it will be a big event. I was just thinking today about how everyone I know at the gym thinks I am crazy. Why stop at the gym? Everyone thinks I am nuts. Of course, they don't think that I am crazy because I am a monk. That goes without saying. Let's take the book, for example. I told people over two months ago that I was writing a book and they still don't believe me. When I tell them that I am serious ... well, maybe I have lost it. Here's a good example. I have been having heartburn everyday. Instead of buying some Maalox, I bought a big bag of Tostito's chips and the hottest fresh salsa I could find. I will finish it off tonight. That should kill off the heartburn or push me into sodium shock.
Speaking of the book, I have not made much progress on it in the last few days. I think my brain is strained. I don't know why. I rarely do any thinking. Sheesh! Of course, it doesn't help when I have to listen to The Idiot's slammin' soirée or BigFoottm throwing his plow around. I'd really like to combine season finales with Homicide!
The rains started up again this morning, and it did not help that I torqued my neck yesterday at the gym. I'm glad that I did not take Yalda's step class or I might be paralyzed today. That's how wimpy I am! A few reps with the one-pounders and I am a wreck! The Bull was doing the incline bench with 450 pounds. Then, he took Yalda's class. I remember asking The Bull if he was going to take the class and he said, "Oh yeah. Rachel (the weatherman's babe) asked me to be next to her." The Bull is in constant demand. You know, it's too bad that my concave chest is not mirrored. That way I could use it to light a cigarette on a sunny day. Sheesh!
It was extremely crowded at the gym today, much to my surprise. Of course, it was the same old scene. The big all-you-can-eat crab night was a success. Several people couldn't make it but we still had ten people. The restaurant staff remembered us. This time they put us way in the back. I didn't eat close to what I ate last time. The Bull and the Cardinal beat all of us. They ate 12 whole crabs each! Eric, Randy and the Bishop came in second with ten each. I just hope we don't do that again next week. I returned to the Roach Motel only to find that BigFoottm was having video night with one of his chewin' tobaccy buddies. Every time his buddy laughed, he also had to pound his feet on the floor. They needed to get up and walk around a lot, too. Why can't they just move the spittoon over by the couch already?
|I think people are making me lose it. The Idiots woke me up about seven when their shower door hit the wall full force. I actually overlooked it. Then, it started raining this afternoon again. Somehow people went nuts. Everybody was acting and driving stupid. I went to the Post Office and parked next to some loser who couldn't park a small car in the middle of the large space. I let that go. I walked into the Post Office to mail my package and, as I went to check my mail, I encountered a woman and her daughter who felt they did not have to make room for anyone along the narrow passage. I let that go. Then, I walked out to my six-four and the same woman was the one who parked next to me like an idiot. I started my six-four. She opened her door wide so I couldn't back out. Since she didn't care that I was waiting for her, I yelled out, "Close the door, stupid!" She closed the door, and then I saw her stupid kid flipping me off. I yelled to her kid, "Shut up, you stupid little krunk!" I departed but I was engorged with rage. I circled around the block and faced them in the intersection. I turned into their lane deliberately. The brain donors panicked and swerved. I wanted them to crash into something.||I turned into their lane deliberately. The brain donors panicked and swerved. I wanted them to crash into something.|
Perhaps I am not a monk. I am just some crazy psycho, who can't cut it in society. I should understand. I should forgive. I must put myself in others' shoes. Nah, I don't think so. People don't give a damn about what they do, as long as it doesn't inconvenience them. If they don't give a damn, neither do I. In all honesty, there is going to be a 1-8-7. I have become educated in the difference between being tolerant and being a sucka. I can thank the sinister force for taking me to school.
If it wasn't for the book project, I would probably be violently insane by now. My collaborator and I are to meet and finish the manuscript next week. That's a tall order, mind you, but it is good to have goals. The real work will come when it is time to market it. Hopefully, my nerves will have settled by then. Of course, when you have to listen to a fat cylinder slam the shower door into the wall as hard as possible, the task becomes formidable.
I overdid it with the coffee this morning. I was so wired that I think my visual acuity increased beyond human capability. Everything appeared really clear and sharp. Even my thinking has transcended normal bounds. I entertained the idea of putting the "sleeper" hold on anybody that gets in my way, and then force-feeding 'em a whole can of Bush's baked beans.
I managed to recover part of the file from another computer I used. About one-third of it had already been overwritten, so a considerable amount of new text has disappeared. I undeleted the most current version but all it did was lock up the computer. After fooling around with this for three hours, I was back at square one. I put the files on a fresh disk, although I knew the other floppies were good. After I reformatted them, they were fine. The diagnostics showed no bad clusters. I suspected that the computer I used last night was infected with a virus or the disk drive or controller was defective. Most likely, it was a virus. Now, I must run around finding my own documentation to invoke the virus detection in my computer. My collaborator has been great through all of this. We will finish this project no matter what, I was told. If I had been working alone, I would have scrapped it.
There is something to say about having a collaborator, partner or friend. Working together, a lot can be done over individual effort. Some of us tend to forget that when we become the center of our own universe. I like being alone because I am a monk but I think I have learned the value knowing others. A few readers have also reinforced this concept. Although I don't know them personally, I am thankful that I even know them at all.
There was nothing else I could do except to go to Big John's for Homicide and coffee. Coffee is what I lived on for the whole day. The court date for Big John's preliminary hearing is set for Thursday. He is hoping that the court will throw out the extortionist's bogus law suit.
After the nonsense with the computer, I was thinking that maybe I wasn't meant to be a computer nerd or a monk, for that matter. Maybe I should become a stud! Yeah, that's it! What am I thinking? After reading one of the other on-line journals ... not a good idea. One can't just decide to become a stud (à la Ross Jeffries). One has to be born a stud like The Bull. Maybe I should wash my six-four.
Rather than go over to Randy's to watch the fight, I went to the gym. Eric happened to be there. He told me that he was at Mr. Rick's (a bar) on Wednesday and he met three babes. It turns out that they were all married and were out looking for a good time. Eric said that he is getting tired of the bar scene because there are too many scandalous people. I also talked with that gym babe, Chris. My homey Ron then told me that she was following the ol' eunuch around the gym. I talked with Mark later. He mentioned that the gym "owner" had asked him about changes that could be made at the gym. Mark told the gym "owner" about his attitude problem amongst other things. Of course, the gym "owner" blamed everyone else.
We ended up spending today just sightseeing. We drove out to Avila Beach. It was almost a disappointment because it was foggy. But, the sun came out finally. We went to the small grocery store to get something to drink. The store clerk yelled out, "Here come the idiots!" Immediately, we thought of The Idiots Next Door. However, as we walked outside, we saw a fire truck drive by. There was some guy running behind the fire truck with his dog. The dog had a green sweatshirt on. My partner asked the store clerk, who was now outside and laughing, what was going on. He said, "That's the lame St. Patrick's Day Parade," while barely being able to compose himself.
We returned to town after that spectacle. We ate lunch at Hudson's. Then, we began the tour. Mostly every place was closing and I looked like a putz. We ended up at Starbuck's for coffee. What else could we do? My collaborator is also now the first reader to have seen many of the landmarks mentioned right here! We returned to town later for all-you-can-eat Chinese, and then we hung out at Barnes & Noble. I saw a couple of the gym guys there. They were upstairs in the magazine section. They were reading some article, Seven Steps to Score. One of the steps was the use of humor. Thus, if a babe says, "You're so funny," it means "Take me now!" Yeah, right. I also showed them the profile of the ol' eunuch in Internet Underground. Tomorrow, we have a lot of work to do. We will also be going to that steamy cauldron of lust ... the gym! Sheesh!
The upside of day was that my collaborator was able to see Loser in the flesh. Yes, Loser! He was packing some things in a Nissan Sentra. What happened to the Lumina? My collaborator has been the first reader to ever see Loser! We're on a winning streak! We need to buy some Lotto tickets!
I think I learned a lesson today, one that will remain with me for a long time. The actual circumstances of the situation are not important. I am beginning to realize the ramifications of my actions and how they may affect others in adverse ways. I don't know whether it is because I somehow visualize the precepts of human experience in terms of the unreal, or whether there is an inherent fault in my perceptual acuity. All I know is that I should have been more keenly aware of what was going on around me. At the onset of the incident I had already been cognizant of the danger signs, yet I chose to embark in reckless abandon on a course that may have cost me much more than a friendship. What was I thinking? As it all came to a head, I realized just how vapid it had been. In the end, I will be haunted forever by my indiscretion and insensitivity in this situation.
I went over to Tom's place and we ended up downtown at Starbuck's for coffee. Later, I went to the gym. I ran into Eric, and he told me some conflicting story about what happened on Thursday when we were all supposed to meet the Cardinal downtown. The Bull came in to socialize. He mentioned that he didn't make dinner because he ended up at the Bishop's. Apparently, the Bishop was fired from his job. He is leaving for Wisconsin for a couple of weeks. The Bull also mentioned that the Cardinal has found a babe. Then, The Bull and I ended up at CJ's for dinner.
I decided to go to the gym, although I really was not up for it. The Bishop was there. He confirmed that he was fired from his job. He is taking off for Wisconsin in a few days. He also confirmed that his new relationship is progressing well. Big Don's son, Michael, asked me where my babe was. Apparently, The Bull has been telling people that I have a babe now. I left early, rather than take Yalda's class. I have decided to retire just like The Bull (sans big bank). I figure that I have three months left here. Why should I do anything?
The boiler room of the Roach Motel flooded into my little shoebox on Wednesday. The carpet is probably rotting, as it smells bad. I should have been upset but my nerves have calmed down considerably. Even The Idiots and BigFoottm don't bother me. Or, maybe they have been a lot quieter. My gym membership runs out in three days and I could care less. I have come to realize that I live in a little town that has an odd similarity to the small town in Doc Hollywood. Things move slow here and sometimes time seems to stand still. Even Loser was outside today. He was smiling and talking to some of his neighbors. Maybe a bit of that ol' magic dust has been sprinkled over all of us. If it was, then I want that spell to last forever!
There was a knock on my door at six this morning. I couldn't get up to answer the door. It turned out to be Caroll, as she left me a note. It looks like we may be having our Monday meetings again. I kind of look forward to those meetings. It is nice to sit and talk with friends.
I half-heartedly went to the gym. Things were going somewhat smoothly until I had a talk with the psycho gym "owner." He told me that someone in the gym was "concerned about my welfare." The fictitious individual allegedly told the fool that I was mouthing off and complaining to everyone about the renewal rates. He then reiterated how the fictitious individual was very concerned about my welfare. The fool then told me that he would be happy to see me come back. The way I see it, this was a veiled threat and its real meaning was that the punk wants me to leave. Great! The fun part is that I'm not even concerned. The decision is made. My last day will be Thursday. I think all of this has come about when I tried to get my collaborator in with a guest pass. The punk gym "owner" could have ruined my week but he did not. Normally, a situation like this would make me want to clean his clock. When I returned home, I discovered that BigFoottm was having a hoe-down with his chewin' tobaccy buddies. All four of them have been pounding their feet on the floor. BigFoottm must have also bought a stereo. I'm only slightly amused. In fact, not much affects me these days. I think I'm closing Lou's School of Etiquette permanently. Maybe it's the magic dust. Maybe I found the true meaning of life. Maybe I have discovered something that I has been missing for a long time. In any case, the season finale comes up soon and I am at a loss to try to end it in crisis.
The stupidity continued at the gym today. I checked in and, as I was walking into the meathead room, one of the cronies of the gym "owner" ran over to tell me my membership expired yesterday. I told the fool that I have the paperwork that says it ends on Thursday. With that, my mind was made up. I did my workout but I also spent most of my time saying good-bye to everyone there. Although I actually have another day, I decided to put an end to the charade. The last supper was all-you-can-eat Chinese with the Cardinal, The Bull and Randy. It is hard to believe that it is over. We are still going to meet every now and then, if I remember to plug the phone in. I don't know why, but I haven't really felt a loss. It is too bad that all those friendships were offset by one psycho gym "owner." Well, I took my membership card and used it to scrape some bird droppings off of my six-four and then I threw it in the gym parking lot.
There basically is no season finale or a new season here anymore. Although I am sitting here listening to the slammin' soirée and BigFoottm's tube up full blast, I am hardly even fazed. I have no gym to go to and no cast members to write about. If this had happened three weeks ago, I would have been a basket case. My nerves would have been frazzled. I would also have been engorged with rage. Right now, it just doesn't even bother me. It's like I'm not even here. Wait! BigFoottm has company. It's one of his chewin' tobaccy buddies. They are stomping around, and dropping very heavy farm implements on the floor. It just never ends.
My collaborator submitted the following guest
entry detailing the total Roach Motel experience:
I must say, there is conjecture and then there is reality. There seems to be no fuzzy lines at the Roach Motel!! The shoebox, located on the ground floor right next to the laundry room, seems to have missed mentioning the small fact that the Idiots Next Door get to slam washer and dryer doors on the other side of the shoebox, thus bringing in the slammin' soirée in stereo. I guess that was for my benefit, to make up for the Spring Break absence of BigFoottm dropping farm implements all night. Sadly, I was not privy to a hoe-down, but I can imagine since I got to hear the people above the Idiots.
I was most overjoyed at our triple spotting of the elusive Loserus Californius. Yes, Loser!! He is about as cylindrical as the Idiots. This observation caused me to give up my notion that he was upstairs doing Pacing CardioVascular Aerobics. I am sure he is still pacing, as one of our sightings was unusually close; he pulled up in the parking lot next to us and paced around his car four times, opening and closing various doors to arrange things. Sheesh!
Of course, the Highlight of the trip was going to the gym to meet the cast. We took the six four for the complete Loser Effect. It really is an interesting experience (and one that can be enjoyed fully only on sunny days, as it has no windows. You can't really check out the babes through the plastic windows. When we got to the gym it was a long, slow cruise to find parking, as most of the parking lot has signs that say "No GYM Parking." This question was answered for me soon after though.
It wasn't difficult to spot the Bull, he was the statuesque Adonis figure with babes clamoring all around him. Most of the cast members were present (sans the Bishop) and I even took JaneMarie's step class. It wasn't too difficult to squeeze in, as the Monk and I had plenty of space ... the Babes were all crowded around the Bull. It wasn't difficult to see why. In retrospect, the Monk was the puniest guy in the gym, but he put a lot of heart into his workout. Carrying those 10lb weight plates all around really tired him out. No wonder he does a lot of 'social hour'.
In all honesty, it took me a total of 6 seconds to reach the 'I want to rip this Prick's throat out' stage when meeting the gym "owner." It is easy to see why everyone despises him. He is the sort of guy who drives Postal Workers to bring semi-automatic weapons to work with them. When I met him he had all of his teeth wired into his mouth; apparently someone else used less restraint than I did recently. This is a public thank you to whoever shoved their fist down his throat from me! Might even have been one of the many local entrepreneurs who refuse to share their parking lot with him!!
The Lab was closed, but the library was open. Every morning we had coffee made via the Broken French Press. I must say, the Monk makes good coffee. I for one was not about to try to operate the Broken French Press, as it is sort of massaged into operation and I didn't want to risk further damage. Might just put the Monk over the top, you know? As the Time Bomb ticked away loudly, reminding us that time was ticking away, we headed off to the library. We got to do some reconstruction work on the text most of the week. It was a grueling process as each page had some form of corruption in it. Just when it seemed that there was order the next page would reveal more entropy. It became disheartening, but we were able to keep our noses to the grindstone and muddle our way through it.
Fortunately there weren't too many babes in teeny jeans cut-offs around to distract us (although we did find them at the beach). Since the library was on 'vacation hours' we decided to cruise the six-four to the beach for a little relaxation. I can't really tell if the babes truly dig the six-four or it just gets noticed, but it sure does make an entrance!
We would return from the gym only to hear the Time Bomb ticking away, reminding us that we had spent too much time at the All-You-Can-Eat Chinese place, Fresh Choice, Hudson's and the other places we hung out with the Cast. I must say, that all you can eat deal is really great for these gym guys!! The Bull has an insatiable appetite. The Cardinal is getting huge (and not an ounce of fat on him!) and Randy, well, the restaurant owner just put the trays of sushi in front of him at the table instead of taking them to the buffet table!!
After one week at the Roach Motel I can honestly vouch for the Monk ... it's all true!! It is easy to see how these surroundings can drive a person to a monastic existence. The one thing I noticed was that in spite of having privacy tantamount to living in a refrigerator box under a bridge, there seems to be a bond between the Monk and Fido. Fido barks all day until the Idiots come home. The only thing that seems to soothe him is the emergency Dogg Pound CD. I think the training is progressing well. I know Fido will miss the Monk (and I guess the same is true in reverse).
All in all, it was a very elucidating experience. I used to laugh at this journal and the imagination used in creating it. Now I realize it is reporting journalism ... "Just the Facts, Ma'am" ... what a week!
Eunuchs or UNIX: The Monk Years
42-Year-Old Virgin ... Tralfaz
The Bull ... Himself
The Cardinal ... Himself
And a cast of thousands!
Original Soundtrack by Kool G. Monk
The Monks of the Immaculate Roach
Presented by 42-Year-Old Virgin Productions/WebPartners in association
with Chez Loser/House of Loser.
© Copyright 1996 by The 42-Year-Old Virgin.
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.