Friday March 1, 1996

There is nothing like the smell of fresh brewed coffee in the morning. The first cup of brew is the start of my day. Today, the coffee seemed particularly robust. It's just too bad that I sent Mr. Potato Head back to Hawai'i a year ago. I'd rather keep Mr. Potato Head than my K-Mart all-in-one entertainment center. As I drank my coffee, I wondered about our gym group's recent multiple outings. There is strange thing about male bonding, as the babes like to call it. We never really have anything to talk about. The topics are always the same ... babes and skinnin'. As a monk, I have nothing to contribute in this area. Although, the more I think about it, the topic of conversation was not important. We just seemed to need the proximity of other people. Was it boredom? Was it the fear of being alone? I cannot say.
 

Moving back to Hawai'i is not going to be easy. When I sit there, unable to find work, I will be all alone. No gym. No friends. No access. No money. No LoserNet. My tiny empire will disappear into nothing. I will still have my computer. Perhaps I can start up a new Homer Notebook. But, it wouldn't be the same. What about the book, you ask? Another dream of a lost dreamer. That is another limited access country club. Only a few token individuals make it in. I have learned that dreams are for kids. The reality for most of us is to accept the place awarded us by the powers-that-be. Men do that to other men. The same way that they horde babes is the same way they horde power. Only the chosen will receive their rightful share. Ironically, the weak ones relinquish power to the few. They are taken in by the rhetoric of liberation and equality. Then, when the demagogues take over, they live a life of hedonistic abandon, never once ashamed to flaunt it in the faces of the deprived. The chosen have the audacity to ask the deprived ones to sacrifice more. In monastic life, the higher one goes, the lower one is. The privilege of leadership is manifested in the service to others.

The chosen have the audacity to ask the deprived ones to sacrifice more.

It was an uneventful day at the gym, as most of the usual cast were leaving as I was coming in. So, I was able to get my meathead workout in. The Bull took Sandra's class, no doubt because Coleena was in there. He left after the class was over. I went over to Big John's for Homicide and coffee. We also discussed the situation with the extortionist. It looks like this may go to trial. Big John seems to have a good lawyer. In the end, I hope Big John is able to bring up criminal charges against that clown. From what I understand, the extortionist has used the same ploy on a number of people. What could that fool be thinking?

It was yet another uneventful, monkish day for the ol' eunuch. I finally got around to doing my houseboy chores. That was pretty much the day. I went to the gym after dispensing a rubberized debit voucher to the Roach Motel. After I returned to the Roach Motel, I found myself falling asleep. So, I called my homey Tom and we went to Starbuck's for coffee. Tom's son, Jake, has been doing some independent theatre productions locally. Apparently, it has been a successful venture. Jake is still in high school (Man, I'm getting old!), but he seems to possess the drive to make it in that field. Then, Tom told me another anecdote about his crazy neighbors (Remember the truck rolling down the hill?). One of the babe friends of the infamous neighbors walked over one day while Tom was up on a ladder trimming one of his trees with pruning shears. Baby stood below watching for a few minutes. Then, she asked Tom, "Are you painting?" He said, "Yeah." Strange things.

Methinks it is time for a day of seclusion. I have set up my chair in the corner. That's where I'll be all day tomorrow. This time, I'm not even going to log on. Just me and the cobwebs!

Things were going pretty good in the corner until Mrs. Idiot began preparing another 19-course meal at 5:30pm. Then, it was a non-stop drawer-slammin', cupboard-bangin', dish-droppin' extravaganza that went straight until 7:45pm. In between, the garbage disposal was run four times and dishes were being tossed about in the sink. It took every ounce of energy to keep my fist from going through the wall. I decided I had better leave. I ended my seclusion and bid farewell to the spiders in the corner. I went over to Big John's to watch Dragon. I had seen the movie before when I still had my tube but I forgot how inspirational it was. Big John said that he found out that his cousin, Scott Brooks, plays for the Phoenix Suns. I came back in time to receive a call from moms. We discussed my upcoming move there, and now it is not looking as good. Moms says things are getting bad over there. I am now going to need a contingency plan for my contingency plan.

I learned the meaning of the words "detestable" and "adored" today at the gym. I walked into Yalda's step class and tried to find a space. It was crowded and I would have been the only guy. The babes began spacing their steps wider apart so that there was no room for the ol' loser. I walked out and sat outside. The Bull walked in and all of his babes made room for him, including Jennifer, Kathleen, Rama and one of the new babes who has been following him around in the gym. She was one of the babes who was making weekly appointments with the trainers. It is easy to see what she is up to since she always ends up working out near The Bull. It is also easy to see why the babes didn't want me in there. I would have taken up a valuable space best served by someone like The Bull. It's a hard life when one is detestable. I don't know why babes hate the ol' eunuch so much. I went to Lucky's to get more Bush's baked beans. The checker did not say a word or even look at the ol' loser. She was real friendly with the guy in front of me and the guy behind me. I'm glad I'm a monk. If I was in the singles market, I would be one sorry-ass pud! Fortunately, I came home to the slammin' soirée, and BigFoot^tm had Jeopardy on full blast. That's about all I can and should expect out of life.

Fortunately, my gym membership runs out in about three weeks. It's not doing me any good. I'm still hella puny. I might just quit working out. Who needs it? I don't need to look good. I'm a monk! I can just sit here and spend all night trying to log on. Sometimes it takes all night for me to get a connection. Come to think of it, I was wondering why the access stats were so low (aside from pathetic content), and I discovered that from Sunday to Friday between 4pm and 1am, it was almost impossible to access this site. I could give you a boring dissertation about why that happens but I think even you would rather hear the woeful tales of a loser who is ignored by babes. Sheesh!

I wasted over two hours last night as I waited to connect to my beloved AIX account. It took one hour to get on the first time. Then, my computer decided to reset itself during the session. It took another hour to log back on. I could have easily splintered my computer with my bare hands. So, I think it is about time that I start winding things down here at LoserNet. I need to spend more time practicing my janitorial skills for my future career. And, I know that you are all in suspense over why the access is so slow here. The answer is ... the http-daemon is sharing the same server with e-mail! That's right! And, since e-mail is used here for everything from discussions about stud (by babes) to e-post-it notes for roomies, guess what happens to Web access? Baha! Ha! Haaa!

As I sat and drank my morning cup o' joe, I was thinking that I could really increase my access stats if I put pictures of babes here. I mean, doesn't that go hand-in-hand (so to speak) with living the eunuch's life? Looking at pictures of babes seems to be a popular pastime on the Web but it doesn't do any good. Some say it gives them hope that they will find such a babe. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but there are many guys who are just detestable to babes. Look at me, for example. Then, you will hear countless stories about how babes end up with jerks. You will feel sorry for them and say to yourself, "If only they knew me." But, do you know why babes who look like Teri Hatcher are not hanging onto the emaciated arms of Weird Al Yankovich look-alikes? I was talking to one of my homeys yesterday. He told me about one of the other studs who videotaped his trysts with all of his babes. One tape had stud flexing and doing some other nonsense while he was in a position that made it impossible for baby to know what was going on. I know guys who do things like that, and I know their personalities. Yet, they are doin' da wild thing with Teri Hatcher types. The babes know what they are getting into and they know the personalities they are dealing with. Just as losers want centerfold babes, babes want hunks. This is not a win-win scenario, and I think we all know who ends up at the bottom of the barrel.

The Bull told everyone that some incredible babe called him today. It turned out to be the babe who was on the plane when we went to Hawai'i back in September. He didn't tell me much but he told Paul that she was coming out to see him. In Janemarie's step class, The Bull was the center of attention and it is easy to see that he knows all the women love him. He is unstoppable. He is a legend. He broke out in a dance move during the class. His gyrations drove the women crazy. I stepped out of the way because I thought there was going to be a stampede. The Bull confirmed that one of the new babes, Tracy, has been following him around the gym and also gave him play in the class last night. Rama also told one of the guys yesterday that she dreams about The Bull. I really don't know of any babe who is not interested in The Bull.

I returned to the Roach Motel and saw that someone had put a sign on the door next to the stairs. It said, "Please do not stomp up the stairs. It shakes the walls." Then, I thought about it. The Idiots put that sign up! Can you believe it? Those self-righteous tubs of lard! The stairs are next to their wall, so I know it is them. Sheesh!

My e-mail has disappeared. I had a bunch of e-mail in queue in the system inbox and now they are gone. Where did they go? The sinister force is toying with the oversized cranium again. Either that, or I'm losin' it and inadvertently deleted my own mail like a putz! It's got to be the sinister force. It always comes around when I am in my weakest ... what the ...? Now, the mail is back again! I had a bout of food poisoning last night, too, at about 4am. I can only attribute it to my Jack in the Box dinner. Then, when I made my morning coffee, I found that my Half-n-Half I bought on Sunday had coagulated into a blob of jelly. And, The Idiot's dog, Fido has been barking all morning. So, I went out and spray painted that "No Stomping" sign. Baha! Ha! Haaa! The sinister force drove me to this!

As I was walking to the library, I saw Mrs. Idiot returning home. I knew that if the sign was gone when I came back, then The Idiots put it up. Sure enough, when I returned, the sign was gone. Fido was still barking, too. I know that it was Mrs. Idiot who put the sign up. She spent some time to make it look official. Had it been the Roach Motel management, the sign would have been on all of the doors. Could it have been somebody upstairs? No, because they are the ones who are doing the stomping! You know, I bet Mrs. Idiot is just clueless. She is probably very upset that her right to quiet has been violated and her efforts to assert that right was profaned by some inconsiderate punk. It amazes me to know that the most noisy and inconsiderate people are the ones clamoring for quiet and consideration.

It was another crazy day at the gym. Fortunately, I was able to get in my meathead workout. Then, it turned into social hour. Nobody really seems to do workouts anymore. The Bull said he wasn't going to take Tam's class, so I went in. I was the only guy in there, but none of the babes were near me. I had about a twenty-foot line around me. The Bull threw a blackeye in da game by coming in 15 minutes later. He set up his step in the front of the class, and the babes went crazy. I did happen to notice that all of the babes were watching him. I left about five minutes later because I felt foolish being there. I left with my homey Randy. We met the Cardinal downtown at McClintock's for dinner. The Bull joined us later. I noticed that all the babes checked out The Bull when he came in. The waitress treated him like a king. He got a larger dinner than we did, although we all ordered the famous Baron Burger. Only The Bull ordered desert and, when it came, it was obvious that it was three times the size of the regular serving. I asked The Bull if that was regular-sized. He said, "Oh, no." He knew other people who ordered the same thing before and the portion was much smaller. I told him that he had better thank the waitress. He said that his presence was thanks enough. That is why this man is a legend!

The stress must be getting to me because my hair is falling out. It is not falling in out in patches but it is definitely falling out. I used to think this only happened in Three Stooges movies. Well, hey! I'm a stooge! The sun has been out for two days. It feels more like Spring. That probably explains why the babes have been restless and are constantly throwing themselves at The Bull. It has turned into quite a spectacle. There's a potential for a riot here, just like what happened in LA. With practically every babe in town vying for The Bull, something is going to blow. Can you imagine the news coverage of this tiny town when it is besieged by berserk babes all because they want The Bull? It could happen!

As was expected, today was the first day that the Web Server was shut down. Actually, there is no telling when it will be back on line. I would assume that most of the e-mail activity has originated with all of the babes who are discussing The Bull. Speaking of babes, it has been a babefest out here as the temperatures soared up into the 80s. I can only imagine what it will be like at The Bull's club, Mango's, later this evening. I certainly would not want to be there. Sheesh!

There weren't too many people at the gym today, but there were a surprising number of babes. All of them were checking out The Bull. With my shades, I was able to see everything. The Bull was the only guy that the babes even looked at. Most scanned him up and down. They all checked out his buns of steel. Tam was the most obvious. She must have stared at The Bull for ten minutes. I was talking to Bart at the time and even he noticed it. I warned Bart that there was no way he would meet any babes in there, if that's what he had in mind. He was glad that I warned him. Yes, it is going to a great Spring for The Bull! And, I know that everyone is happy for him!

Well, it's time for me to break out the Maalox as I am cut off from the outside world. Since the combo Web/mail server went out to lunch yesterday, it looks like I will be in for some quality seclusion time. Fortunately, I was able to hear some drunk party people across the creek singing the soundtrack to the Blues Brothers last night. At least I know I won't need the K-Mart all-in-one anymore.

Things were slow at the gym today. I took Sandra's step class. The Bull arrived later and strolled through the class. The babes went crazy. He then went back out into the meathead room. Today was not a workout day for him. He spent most of the time strolling around talking to his babes. His new babe, Tracy, came in and she kept staring at him. Finally, The Bull made her day when he walked over to talk to her. She melted. Later, I asked if he knew that Tam was staring at him last night. He said, "Oh yeah," because, really, what babe isn't checking him out? I think The Bull made another cool million with his latest contrarian investment strategy. Although the market went down, The Bull came out on top, as usual. And, in my pathetic corner of the world, I am eating Bush's baked beans! Most of the beans have been ending up on the floor for some reason tonight. I almost went into a surge of violence. I could feel myself becoming engorged with rage and throwing the damned beans through the window. As for the gym, I don't know. Sometimes I want to stay there for my last few months. At other times, I question why I want to be one of The Bull's many underlings. What purpose does it serve?

The mail server was busy when I pinged it at 7pm, which is unusual. It is never busy on a Friday night. There were less than 200 people on-line, which makes it seem unlikely that there is much mail activity. We probably will lose our readership by the time we are back on-line. So, I went over to Big John's for Homicide and coffee. What else could I do? I returned before midnight and logged on to find about 100 people on-line. And, the mail server? It was busy again. I think the real server went down and someone put a Timex Sinclair in its place. So, this will be about as good a time as any to go into seclusion. I could detail all of that but no one is reading this diatribe anyway. Sheesh!

A nine-year-old boy in Hastings Michigan is due to stand trial for stalking some 10-year-old girl. That is when we know society has gone down the tubes. Sure, there are subteens committing murder, so why not stalking? Since the kid was using the phone and not lurking in the bushes, he doesn't sound like a typical stalker. Our society is a strange place with even stranger conflicting messages. In this particular case, it seems that the parents are teaching their children the importance of being litigation savvy. I don't think that people realize how bad things have gotten, primarily in male/female relations. When I see situations like that, I am thankful that I am a monk. When I see that there really is no difference in the behavior of women or men, with the exception that women have the police on their side in the mate selection process, I am even more glad that I am a monk.

Babes need to learn that they have all the power now. But, if they want to approach all situations with men in an adversarial fashion, then the results will be chaotic. For example, not all guys are stalkers, but listen to most women and they certainly do not agree. Yet, when the opportunity comes up to stand in line for a chance with stud, it's no holds barred. Babes have spent a lot time proving that they are not dumb, so why do they get into dumb situations and end up bitter? Of course, we've discussed stalkers (read: undesirables) before. I am one of those undesirables who ended up with a visit from the cops. I look like a stereotypical stalker. These are just some thoughts while the Web server is out to lunch.

The server miraculously came back on-line sometime this afternoon. I was in dire straits until then, and all I could do was wash and wax the primer on my ol' six-four. To celebrate, I ended up at the AutoMall for an exciting evening. Good Lord!

I tried in desperation to call my homey Tom and The Master to see if anybody wanted to do anything last night. They were both under the weather. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it was that there was no reason for us to hang out. Nothing ever changes, and we have nothing to talk about. Since they both have cable, I can see why it is easier to stay in. I guess it is a good thing someone named that show Friends because that is exactly what that show is to a lot of people. I once asked The Bull if Friends was like his life. He said, "Nah, the guys on that show can't get any."

It was a nice quiet day at the gym. I managed to get my meathead workout done. My homey Troy came in. He said he landed a job in Hawai'i and he is moving back there in two weeks. Matt was also there. He wanted to make sure that the all-you-can-eat crab night was still on for this coming Tuesday. I told him that it was still on but I wasn't sure if I am going. I still haven't recovered from the last time. Sheesh! There were many idiots out today, testing my patience. I think the dumbest thing I saw today was some idiot brushing his teeth while he was driving. He happened to be in the opposing lane on a 50mph road. I'm just glad that he wasn't flossing!

I stayed in tonight because it was quiet. No one was home. I logged on only to find that the Usenet server was now down. How am I supposed to download those hurdy-gurdy files from alt.binaries.babes? You thought I was serious, didn't you? To make matters worse, BigFoot^tm came home. You know, I think I'm going to take a drive on the freeway and bring my toothbrush with me!

Time sure flies when one is having fun! And, I am just having a swell time! The central water heater is making that banging noise again. Good thing it is right next to my bed. I hate going to sleep. I like staying up all night so I can imitate a zombie the next day. Then, the cheap refrigerator is making that popping noise much more frequently. It, too, seems to act up more just when I'm ready to hit the sack.

It is almost time to wind down the season. As usual, we have a bunch of unresolved issues. Time is running out on my gym membership. I could try to rejoin, but is it worth it? Can I stand another few months of being one of The Bull's minions? There is no need to go into details about my financial crisis. All I know is that I give a whole new meaning to the term "deficit spending." Maybe I should run for office. The real question is ... should we really have another season of this? Sheesh! Then again, this nonsense could go on forever. Can you imagine reading this for 20 more years? Lord have mercy!

The talk of the gym today was the all-you-can-eat crab night tomorrow. Since The Bull is organizing this one, it will be a big event. I was just thinking today about how everyone I know at the gym thinks I am crazy. Why stop at the gym? Everyone thinks I am nuts. Of course, they don't think that I am crazy because I am a monk. That goes without saying. Let's take the book, for example. I told people over two months ago that I was writing a book and they still don't believe me. When I tell them that I am serious ... well, maybe I have lost it. Here's a good example. I have been having heartburn everyday. Instead of buying some Maalox, I bought a big bag of Tostito's chips and the hottest fresh salsa I could find. I will finish it off tonight. That should kill off the heartburn or push me into sodium shock.

Speaking of the book, I have not made much progress on it in the last few days. I think my brain is strained. I don't know why. I rarely do any thinking. Sheesh! Of course, it doesn't help when I have to listen to The Idiot's slammin' soirée or BigFoot^tm throwing his plow around. I'd really like to combine season finales with Homicide!

The hours keep ticking away before the end of the season. It may well be the end of the line, but who knows? That's why I set up Netscape to open with the Bikini Daily. Why not? I'm a monk! I got tired of seeing the Netscape Web page. Maybe I should download the pictures and intersperse them within my journal. That ought to get the ol' readership up!

The rains started up again this morning, and it did not help that I torqued my neck yesterday at the gym. I'm glad that I did not take Yalda's step class or I might be paralyzed today. That's how wimpy I am! A few reps with the one-pounders and I am a wreck! The Bull was doing the incline bench with 450 pounds. Then, he took Yalda's class. I remember asking The Bull if he was going to take the class and he said, "Oh yeah. Rachel (the weatherman's babe) asked me to be next to her." The Bull is in constant demand. You know, it's too bad that my concave chest is not mirrored. That way I could use it to light a cigarette on a sunny day. Sheesh!

It was extremely crowded at the gym today, much to my surprise. Of course, it was the same old scene. The big all-you-can-eat crab night was a success. Several people couldn't make it but we still had ten people. The restaurant staff remembered us. This time they put us way in the back. I didn't eat close to what I ate last time. The Bull and the Cardinal beat all of us. They ate 12 whole crabs each! Eric, Randy and the Bishop came in second with ten each. I just hope we don't do that again next week. I returned to the Roach Motel only to find that BigFoot^tm was having video night with one of his chewin' tobaccy buddies. Every time his buddy laughed, he also had to pound his feet on the floor. They needed to get up and walk around a lot, too. Why can't they just move the spittoon over by the couch already?

I sent my first box of stuff back to Hawai'i today. It was a little premature but it is an indication of what's to come. Most of what is left will go to Goodwill or will be sold. I expect to ship very little over to Hawai'i as it is too expensive. If the K-Mart all-in-one is not sold soon, then I will send it over, too. My only problem is what to do with my six-four. Maybe I should just leave it in the Roach Motel parking lot. It would make a good planter.
 

I think people are making me lose it. The Idiots woke me up about seven when their shower door hit the wall full force. I actually overlooked it. Then, it started raining this afternoon again. Somehow people went nuts. Everybody was acting and driving stupid. I went to the Post Office and parked next to some loser who couldn't park a small car in the middle of the large space. I let that go. I walked into the Post Office to mail my package and, as I went to check my mail, I encountered a woman and her daughter who felt they did not have to make room for anyone along the narrow passage. I let that go. Then, I walked out to my six-four and the same woman was the one who parked next to me like an idiot. I started my six-four. She opened her door wide so I couldn't back out. Since she didn't care that I was waiting for her, I yelled out, "Close the door, stupid!" She closed the door, and then I saw her stupid kid flipping me off. I yelled to her kid, "Shut up, you stupid little krunk!" I departed but I was engorged with rage. I circled around the block and faced them in the intersection. I turned into their lane deliberately. The brain donors panicked and swerved. I wanted them to crash into something.

I turned into their lane deliberately. The brain donors panicked and swerved. I wanted them to crash into something.


I tried to calm myself down at the gym but I barely could think. I spent most of the time socializing. It was only a thin veil masking my insanity. As I drove home, I encountered more stupidity. People were passing me and cutting in front of me, only to slow down and make a turn. What did they save? Half a second? Idiots were passing me in the Roach Motel parking lot because I brake for speed bumps. Then, one of them tried to make a U-turn in front of me. Not able to negotiate the turn, the fool ended up making four of us wait. I had to yell out, "What the hell are you doing, you stupid krunk!" I was almost praying that he would try to punish me, giving me reason to defend myself.

Perhaps I am not a monk. I am just some crazy psycho, who can't cut it in society. I should understand. I should forgive. I must put myself in others' shoes. Nah, I don't think so. People don't give a damn about what they do, as long as it doesn't inconvenience them. If they don't give a damn, neither do I. In all honesty, there is going to be a 1-8-7. I have become educated in the difference between being tolerant and being a sucka. I can thank the sinister force for taking me to school.

I ate a whole can of corned beef last night to make atonement for my stupidity. I felt very ill, so I went to the Lab. I couldn't get anything done, so I went out and got a chocolate milkshake after that. What has brought me to this level of dereliction? Could it be another morning of the slammin' soirée?

If it wasn't for the book project, I would probably be violently insane by now. My collaborator and I are to meet and finish the manuscript next week. That's a tall order, mind you, but it is good to have goals. The real work will come when it is time to market it. Hopefully, my nerves will have settled by then. Of course, when you have to listen to a fat cylinder slam the shower door into the wall as hard as possible, the task becomes formidable.

I overdid it with the coffee this morning. I was so wired that I think my visual acuity increased beyond human capability. Everything appeared really clear and sharp. Even my thinking has transcended normal bounds. I entertained the idea of putting the "sleeper" hold on anybody that gets in my way, and then force-feeding 'em a whole can of Bush's baked beans.

I should have gone berserk by now but I am actually really calm. The computer at the Lab must have had a virus as it destroyed the floppy I had the book on. When I came back to copy it onto the hard drive, it deleted the main copy. I have no other backups. I will be up all night, waiting until morning to try to get it off some of the computers I have been on. Unfortunately, I deleted the files so they may be unrecoverable as well, if they were overwritten. The book was about 60 percent complete. Three months work, now down the drain. I must admit, the sinister force has won. I am a broken man.

I managed to recover part of the file from another computer I used. About one-third of it had already been overwritten, so a considerable amount of new text has disappeared. I undeleted the most current version but all it did was lock up the computer. After fooling around with this for three hours, I was back at square one. I put the files on a fresh disk, although I knew the other floppies were good. After I reformatted them, they were fine. The diagnostics showed no bad clusters. I suspected that the computer I used last night was infected with a virus or the disk drive or controller was defective. Most likely, it was a virus. Now, I must run around finding my own documentation to invoke the virus detection in my computer. My collaborator has been great through all of this. We will finish this project no matter what, I was told. If I had been working alone, I would have scrapped it.

There is something to say about having a collaborator, partner or friend. Working together, a lot can be done over individual effort. Some of us tend to forget that when we become the center of our own universe. I like being alone because I am a monk but I think I have learned the value knowing others. A few readers have also reinforced this concept. Although I don't know them personally, I am thankful that I even know them at all.

I caught my second wind yesterday and went to the gym. It was a short-lived second wind, however. I took Coleena's step class and threw in the towel halfway through. The rest of the time was social hour. The Bull wanted to do an all-you-can-eat night. Somehow, that fell through. We were supposed to do an all-you-can-eat night on Thursday. I tried not to think that, if we had gone, the manuscript would still be intact today.

There was nothing else I could do except to go to Big John's for Homicide and coffee. Coffee is what I lived on for the whole day. The court date for Big John's preliminary hearing is set for Thursday. He is hoping that the court will throw out the extortionist's bogus law suit.

After the nonsense with the computer, I was thinking that maybe I wasn't meant to be a computer nerd or a monk, for that matter. Maybe I should become a stud! Yeah, that's it! What am I thinking? After reading one of the other on-line journals ... not a good idea. One can't just decide to become a stud (à la Ross Jeffries). One has to be born a stud like The Bull. Maybe I should wash my six-four.

Rather than go over to Randy's to watch the fight, I went to the gym. Eric happened to be there. He told me that he was at Mr. Rick's (a bar) on Wednesday and he met three babes. It turns out that they were all married and were out looking for a good time. Eric said that he is getting tired of the bar scene because there are too many scandalous people. I also talked with that gym babe, Chris. My homey Ron then told me that she was following the ol' eunuch around the gym. I talked with Mark later. He mentioned that the gym "owner" had asked him about changes that could be made at the gym. Mark told the gym "owner" about his attitude problem amongst other things. Of course, the gym "owner" blamed everyone else.

My collaborator arrived a little before midnight last night. It was the first time we had met since the novel began in January. It was embarrassing hosting someone in the pathetic ambiance of the Roach Motel. We foolishly talked until about four in the morning. I should have been more considerate given that my collaborator had just driven about 15 hours. It surprised me to no end that someone would travel this far to work on this project. I have found renewed vigor and commitment to see its completion.

 We ended up spending today just sightseeing. We drove out to Avila Beach. It was almost a disappointment because it was foggy. But, the sun came out finally. We went to the small grocery store to get something to drink. The store clerk yelled out, "Here come the idiots!" Immediately, we thought of The Idiots Next Door. However, as we walked outside, we saw a fire truck drive by. There was some guy running behind the fire truck with his dog. The dog had a green sweatshirt on. My partner asked the store clerk, who was now outside and laughing, what was going on. He said, "That's the lame St. Patrick's Day Parade," while barely being able to compose himself.

We returned to town after that spectacle. We ate lunch at Hudson's. Then, we began the tour. Mostly every place was closing and I looked like a putz. We ended up at Starbuck's for coffee. What else could we do? My collaborator is also now the first reader to have seen many of the landmarks mentioned right here! We returned to town later for all-you-can-eat Chinese, and then we hung out at Barnes & Noble. I saw a couple of the gym guys there. They were upstairs in the magazine section. They were reading some article, Seven Steps to Score. One of the steps was the use of humor. Thus, if a babe says, "You're so funny," it means "Take me now!" Yeah, right. I also showed them the profile of the ol' eunuch in Internet Underground. Tomorrow, we have a lot of work to do. We will also be going to that steamy cauldron of lust ... the gym! Sheesh!

My collaborator and I spent most of the day recovering what we could from my fragmented file and an older backup. It looks like we may have minimized the loss to about ten percent. Later, we went to the gym to further my collaborator's experience with the convalescing lifestyle of the ol' eunuch. I pointed out and/or introduced my collaborator to a variety of the cast members including The Bull. I am not exactly sure what my collaborator really thought of the cast. Later, we joined The Bull and Randy for all-you-can-eat Chinese. Now, it is time to get down to business. There is a lot of work that needs to be done.

My collaborator and I had a late start today on the book. I discovered that some of the text that I recovered was moderately garbled, much to my chagrin. We went to the gym, and the gym "owner" was there which resulted in the accrual of a $10 guest pass for my partner. This was, of course, an outrage. It was hard to get any kind of workout in after such an encounter. After the gym, The Bull joined us for a quick dinner at Kona's. The Bull has been on a roll lately. He has also been taking over my spot as gym comedian. Whassup wi' dat?

The upside of day was that my collaborator was able to see Loser in the flesh. Yes, Loser! He was packing some things in a Nissan Sentra. What happened to the Lumina? My collaborator has been the first reader to ever see Loser! We're on a winning streak! We need to buy some Lotto tickets!

Things have really slowed down with the book project. And, we are running out of time. My collaborator and I didn't make it to the gym because there was no way I was going to fork out another ten bucks for a guest pass. I paged The Bull at the gym to see if the gang was going to do anything. I told him to call me back when they made a decision. The Cardinal finally called to tell me that The Bull had decided to go to Tam's class, so he never called back. We are supposed to do something tomorrow, but who is to say?

I think I learned a lesson today, one that will remain with me for a long time. The actual circumstances of the situation are not important. I am beginning to realize the ramifications of my actions and how they may affect others in adverse ways. I don't know whether it is because I somehow visualize the precepts of human experience in terms of the unreal, or whether there is an inherent fault in my perceptual acuity. All I know is that I should have been more keenly aware of what was going on around me. At the onset of the incident I had already been cognizant of the danger signs, yet I chose to embark in reckless abandon on a course that may have cost me much more than a friendship. What was I thinking? As it all came to a head, I realized just how vapid it had been. In the end, I will be haunted forever by my indiscretion and insensitivity in this situation.

My collaborator and I ended up at the library to work on the novel. We were sitting at one of the Mac stations transferring files between my collaborator's computer and the library's Mac. There was another person working on the Mac station next to us. Apparently, my collaborator's Mac has a soundbite from When Harry Met Sally (Meg Ryan's wild thing imitation) that plays when a file transfer is completed. It started playing real loud, and my collaborator was fumbling with the computer to shut it off. The guy next to us looked over like we lost it. The Cardinal called at seven. He wanted us to meet him down at Farmer's Market. The Bull and Eric were also supposed to meet us there. We met the Cardinal and ended up eating at Hudson's.

We had a late start this morning, so my collaborator and I ended up going downtown to look around. Somehow we ended up in the new Victoria Secret's store. It's a good thing that I am a monk as it appeared to be a store full of women's undergarments! After looking around in a few variety of places, we drove to the gym to see if there were any plans. Most of the cast was there. I talked to Randy and he would rather do something tomorrow. I introduced my collaborator to a few other people before we left. We ended up having dinner at Fresh Choice and seeing Fargo at the Fremont Theatre.

Today was Beach Day. My collaborator and I went to Avila Beach. It was a beautiful day, probably the only nice day all week. We returned to the Roach Motel to clean up and went downtown to meet Randy and The Bull for all-you-can-eat Chinese. Coincidentally, the Cardinal was there. He had already finished dinner and Randy was talking with him. The Bull never showed up to dinner. After dinner, we went to Starbuck's for coffee before returning to the Roach motel.

It was a sad day today as my collaborator's trip here has come to an end. I was comforted in knowing that I have met and made a lifetime friend and partner. It was a very hard thing for me to say good-bye. I was apprehensive about the meeting from the beginning but now I am very happy that it happened. I was embarrassed about opening my pathetic life up to a stranger because of my own insecurities about myself. I was so pleasantly surprised to have been accepted for who I was. My little shoebox was so quiet after my collaborator left. I was very sad. It was the first time that I realized that I wasn't comfortable with being alone. I wish that I could have said more when we parted company. If my collaborator were to read this, I would like to say thank you for being my friend and partner. There will always be a special place in my heart for my friend, and I look forward to the day that we will meet again.

I went over to Tom's place and we ended up downtown at Starbuck's for coffee. Later, I went to the gym. I ran into Eric, and he told me some conflicting story about what happened on Thursday when we were all supposed to meet the Cardinal downtown. The Bull came in to socialize. He mentioned that he didn't make dinner because he ended up at the Bishop's. Apparently, the Bishop was fired from his job. He is leaving for Wisconsin for a couple of weeks. The Bull also mentioned that the Cardinal has found a babe. Then, The Bull and I ended up at CJ's for dinner.

I ran into Romero for the first time at the gym yesterday. He told me that he was going to start coming in regularly as he has gained thirty excess pounds. I also forgot to mention that The Bull told me that he bought a pair of sunglasses for $219 because those were the only ones that matched his well-chiseled features. He is also planning on spending several thousand dollars on a new computer. Ironically, a few of the people who went on Matt's ski trip last weekend have mentioned that The Bull only brought enough money to barely pay for his part. He did not even offer to help pay for gas. He even had to borrow money for his lunch. The Bull is starting to flake on everyone. Eric and the Cardinal have mentioned several incidents last week in which The Bull made arrangements to do something and subsequently never showed up. Whassup wi' dat?

I decided to go to the gym, although I really was not up for it. The Bishop was there. He confirmed that he was fired from his job. He is taking off for Wisconsin in a few days. He also confirmed that his new relationship is progressing well. Big Don's son, Michael, asked me where my babe was. Apparently, The Bull has been telling people that I have a babe now. I left early, rather than take Yalda's class. I have decided to retire just like The Bull (sans big bank). I figure that I have three months left here. Why should I do anything?

The boiler room of the Roach Motel flooded into my little shoebox on Wednesday. The carpet is probably rotting, as it smells bad. I should have been upset but my nerves have calmed down considerably. Even The Idiots and BigFoot^tm don't bother me. Or, maybe they have been a lot quieter. My gym membership runs out in three days and I could care less. I have come to realize that I live in a little town that has an odd similarity to the small town in Doc Hollywood. Things move slow here and sometimes time seems to stand still. Even Loser was outside today. He was smiling and talking to some of his neighbors. Maybe a bit of that ol' magic dust has been sprinkled over all of us. If it was, then I want that spell to last forever!

The magic dust is continuing to spread its effects. I talked to Big John last night. He was elated because his court case was dismissed. I was very happy for him. Then, Out for Justice with Steven Segal came on the tube. We were on a roll! Even Big John commented on how things seemed a little different ... a little better ... this past week. He wondered if something was in the air or if it was the calm before the storm. Me, I just hope it doesn't change.

There was a knock on my door at six this morning. I couldn't get up to answer the door. It turned out to be Caroll, as she left me a note. It looks like we may be having our Monday meetings again. I kind of look forward to those meetings. It is nice to sit and talk with friends.

I half-heartedly went to the gym. Things were going somewhat smoothly until I had a talk with the psycho gym "owner." He told me that someone in the gym was "concerned about my welfare." The fictitious individual allegedly told the fool that I was mouthing off and complaining to everyone about the renewal rates. He then reiterated how the fictitious individual was very concerned about my welfare. The fool then told me that he would be happy to see me come back. The way I see it, this was a veiled threat and its real meaning was that the punk wants me to leave. Great! The fun part is that I'm not even concerned. The decision is made. My last day will be Thursday. I think all of this has come about when I tried to get my collaborator in with a guest pass. The punk gym "owner" could have ruined my week but he did not. Normally, a situation like this would make me want to clean his clock. When I returned home, I discovered that BigFoot^tm was having a hoe-down with his chewin' tobaccy buddies. All four of them have been pounding their feet on the floor. BigFoot^tm must have also bought a stereo. I'm only slightly amused. In fact, not much affects me these days. I think I'm closing Lou's School of Etiquette permanently. Maybe it's the magic dust. Maybe I found the true meaning of life. Maybe I have discovered something that I has been missing for a long time. In any case, the season finale comes up soon and I am at a loss to try to end it in crisis.

The hoe-down last night ended at about 1am. The Idiots had a major slammin' soirée starting before eight and lasting about an hour this morning. Fido took over shortly after. The rotting carpet still smells. This is my life at the Roach Motel. However, I am not bothered by it, even as we speak. I happened to talk with my collaborator by phone last night, which was nice. After finally meeting my collaborator, it was very difficult to go back to e-mail. It is nice to be able to hear someone's voice. Distance friendships are difficult. I have lost touch with so many friends because of distance.

The stupidity continued at the gym today. I checked in and, as I was walking into the meathead room, one of the cronies of the gym "owner" ran over to tell me my membership expired yesterday. I told the fool that I have the paperwork that says it ends on Thursday. With that, my mind was made up. I did my workout but I also spent most of my time saying good-bye to everyone there. Although I actually have another day, I decided to put an end to the charade. The last supper was all-you-can-eat Chinese with the Cardinal, The Bull and Randy. It is hard to believe that it is over. We are still going to meet every now and then, if I remember to plug the phone in. I don't know why, but I haven't really felt a loss. It is too bad that all those friendships were offset by one psycho gym "owner." Well, I took my membership card and used it to scrape some bird droppings off of my six-four and then I threw it in the gym parking lot.

There basically is no season finale or a new season here anymore. Although I am sitting here listening to the slammin' soirée and BigFoot^tm's tube up full blast, I am hardly even fazed. I have no gym to go to and no cast members to write about. If this had happened three weeks ago, I would have been a basket case. My nerves would have been frazzled. I would also have been engorged with rage. Right now, it just doesn't even bother me. It's like I'm not even here. Wait! BigFoot^tm has company. It's one of his chewin' tobaccy buddies. They are stomping around, and dropping very heavy farm implements on the floor. It just never ends.

My collaborator submitted the following guest entry detailing the total Roach Motel experience:
 

Guest Entry I must say, there is conjecture and then there is reality. There seems to be no fuzzy lines at the Roach Motel!! The shoebox, located on the ground floor right next to the laundry room, seems to have missed mentioning the small fact that the Idiots Next Door get to slam washer and dryer doors on the other side of the shoebox, thus bringing in the slammin' soirée in stereo. I guess that was for my benefit, to make up for the Spring Break absence of BigFoottm dropping farm implements all night. Sadly, I was not privy to a hoe-down, but I can imagine since I got to hear the people above the Idiots. I was most overjoyed at our triple spotting of the elusive Loserus Californius. Yes, Loser!! He is about as cylindrical as the Idiots. This observation caused me to give up my notion that he was upstairs doing Pacing CardioVascular Aerobics. I am sure he is still pacing, as one of our sightings was unusually close; he pulled up in the parking lot next to us and paced around his car four times, opening and closing various doors to arrange things. Sheesh! Of course, the Highlight of the trip was going to the gym to meet the cast. We took the six four for the complete Loser Effect. It really is an interesting experience (and one that can be enjoyed fully only on sunny days, as it has no windows. You can't really check out the babes through the plastic windows. When we got to the gym it was a long, slow cruise to find parking, as most of the parking lot has signs that say "No GYM Parking." This question was answered for me soon after though. It wasn't difficult to spot the Bull, he was the statuesque Adonis figure with babes clamoring all around him. Most of the cast members were present (sans the Bishop) and I even took JaneMarie's step class. It wasn't too difficult to squeeze in, as the Monk and I had plenty of space ... the Babes were all crowded around the Bull. It wasn't difficult to see why. In retrospect, the Monk was the puniest guy in the gym, but he put a lot of heart into his workout. Carrying those 10lb weight plates all around really tired him out. No wonder he does a lot of 'social hour'. In all honesty, it took me a total of 6 seconds to reach the 'I want to rip this Prick's throat out' stage when meeting the gym "owner." It is easy to see why everyone despises him. He is the sort of guy who drives Postal Workers to bring semi-automatic weapons to work with them. When I met him he had all of his teeth wired into his mouth; apparently someone else used less restraint than I did recently. This is a public thank you to whoever shoved their fist down his throat from me! Might even have been one of the many local entrepreneurs who refuse to share their parking lot with him!! The Lab was closed, but the library was open. Every morning we had coffee made via the Broken French Press. I must say, the Monk makes good coffee. I for one was not about to try to operate the Broken French Press, as it is sort of massaged into operation and I didn't want to risk further damage. Might just put the Monk over the top, you know? As the Time Bomb ticked away loudly, reminding us that time was ticking away, we headed off to the library. We got to do some reconstruction work on the text most of the week. It was a grueling process as each page had some form of corruption in it. Just when it seemed that there was order the next page would reveal more entropy. It became disheartening, but we were able to keep our noses to the grindstone and muddle our way through it. Fortunately there weren't too many babes in teeny jeans cut-offs around to distract us (although we did find them at the beach). Since the library was on 'vacation hours' we decided to cruise the six-four to the beach for a little relaxation. I can't really tell if the babes truly dig the six-four or it just gets noticed, but it sure does make an entrance! We would return from the gym only to hear the Time Bomb ticking away, reminding us that we had spent too much time at the All-You-Can-Eat Chinese place, Fresh Choice, Hudson's and the other places we hung out with the Cast. I must say, that all you can eat deal is really great for these gym guys!! The Bull has an insatiable appetite. The Cardinal is getting huge (and not an ounce of fat on him!) and Randy, well, the restaurant owner just put the trays of sushi in front of him at the table instead of taking them to the buffet table!! After one week at the Roach Motel I can honestly vouch for the Monk ... it's all true!! It is easy to see how these surroundings can drive a person to a monastic existence. The one thing I noticed was that in spite of having privacy tantamount to living in a refrigerator box under a bridge, there seems to be a bond between the Monk and Fido. Fido barks all day until the Idiots come home. The only thing that seems to soothe him is the emergency Dogg Pound CD. I think the training is progressing well. I know Fido will miss the Monk (and I guess the same is true in reverse). All in all, it was a very elucidating experience. I used to laugh at this journal and the imagination used in creating it. Now I realize it is reporting journalism ... "Just the Facts, Ma'am" ... what a week!

Many thanks to my collaborator for this contribution to our humble little site!

Not even! The excruciatingly painful saga of the ol' eunuch continues with The Keeper of Lost Lives. Sheesh!

Eunuchs or UNIX: The Monk Years

Starring:
42-Year-Old Virgin ... Tralfaz
The Bull ... Himself
The Cardinal ... Himself
And a cast of thousands!

Original Soundtrack by Kool G. Monk
and
The Monks of the Immaculate Roach

Presented by 42-Year-Old Virgin Productions/WebPartners in association with Chez Loser/House of Loser.
© Copyright 1996 by The 42-Year-Old Virgin.
LoserNet^tm Love It, or Lose It.