||Was the return to the homeland
at all what The Keeper expected? Or, has the sinister kahuna been
planning even bigger surprises for the ol' lavahead? Follow the misadventures
of The Keeper as he continues the search to find absolutely nothing!
Ua Mau Ka' aina Ika Pono Or Something Like That
been waiting 24 years for this day, and now I have cold feet. Whassup wi'
dat? I have been totally confused about my existence before. Now, I am
certain that I am a non-entity. Perhaps I am not ready for Hawai'i. Or,
maybe I just don't want to grow up. We all look for the elusive Paradise.
Yet, Paradise is an abstract concept. I will be moving to paradise, but
will I really be in Paradise?
Monday December 9, 1996
Daylight came quicker than I expected, although
I was up most of the night. I packed my things while baby got ready. We
had some coffee and Trader Joe's energy bars for breakfast. The drive to
the airport was fairly quick. I unloaded all my luggage and my six-five
and checked in. Baby went to park her car. She got back just in time for
us to walk together to the departure gate. We barely had time to say good-bye,
but it was a tearful one nonetheless. I boarded the plane and found my
seat. I was fortunate to have the whole row to myself. I really didn't
feel like dealing with anyone. When we ascended into the Oregon sky, I
was able to see all of Portland. The plane headed west, and within moments
I saw the jagged Oregon coastline. The last time I was there was when baby
and I had the incident at Cannon Beach. I had already taken out my photo
album (the one baby made for me when I left for Convalescent City in September).
When I looked at the pictures, I was barely able to keep myself together.
I got up and went to the restroom to weep silently to myself. I wished
that we could have had more time at the airport. I vowed then that I would
sell a few things immediately once I got to Hawai'i. I can always replace
things. I know that I will have to return to Oregon to visit soon.
The three months before baby's trip to Hawai'i will seem like forever.
Tuesday December 10
You never know what you have until it's gone. The
old adage has certainly struck home. I miss baby immensely. Kevin and my
virtual homeys were correct. I should have stayed with baby, or I should
have taken her with me. I also know that I need to spend time with my parents.
Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. Sheesh! I didn't
tell baby enough that she was very important to me while I was with her.
I really can't even begin to explain my rationale. I don't mean to lament
excessively. I had a wonderful time while I was in Oregon. I experienced
one of the most rewarding friendships in my life. That brings me to the
subject of lunch. The airline offered a nice lunch menu. I had to laugh
when I noticed that the desert item was a Kid Kahuna ice cream sandwich.
Well, at least the sinister kahuna is into the kama'aina
I felt somewhat elated when the island of O'ahu
came into view. That was short-lived, however. After the plane landed,
I gathered my luggage and my six-five. My sister-in-law met me there. I
picked up my rental car and drove home. The drive was uneventful as Honolulu
did not seem particularly attractive to me. I called baby later and we
talked briefly. She seems to be doing much better than I am. I talked to
moms for a while. Then, I cleaned out all the stuff I have stored here.
Most of it is going to Goodwill. Moms heated up leftover Lau Lau for dinner.
That was thoroughly enjoyable. I talked with my bro. It was during the
course of this discussion I discovered that our phone line is not set up
for touch-tone service. Therefore, there is no way I could ever get on-line.
The bro also related to me about how he tried to get moms to install an
answering machine. Obviously, he was not successful. I was about ready
to lose it.
I slept for about an hour total last night. Needless
to say, I was delirious. I did manage to send a small package of coffee
and candy to baby along with a letter. I called a discount travel service,
and I managed to make airline reservations to return to Oregon. I have
until tomorrow afternoon to pay for them. The clincher is that I would
be leaving for Portland four days from now and I would not return for almost
three months. Decisions, decisions. Moms and I went to Ala Moana Shopping
Center. We looked around and later had bento lunch at Shirokiya.
On the way home, we stopped at Foodland. Moms forgot to buy a few things
so I drove over to the Kuapa Kai Safeway to get them and also to find some
granola. I found the ones that were hard as gravel and opted for the Quaker
Oats brand instead.
Wednesday December 11
When the bro returned from work, he restored my
monk haircut ... well, he sort of restored it. He added his own brand of
creativity. Let's just say that the ol' lavahead's hair is short again.
I called baby to see what her opinion was about the trip. She managed to
point out the obvious ... why did I go to Hawai'i in the first place? Ultimately,
the decision will be mine. After dinner, the bro and I went to check out
cellular phones. I believe that I found a good deal and will make the final
decision tomorrow. The bro and I spent the rest of the night reminiscing
about many things like the origin of my old desk lamp (which still works,
by the way). We also talked about family matters. In the back of my mind,
I wondered about the sanity of making the trip back to Portland. Moms and
my bro both think it is a stupid idea. I am beginning to wonder about what
I will do after baby's trip here in March. The dumb part is that I still
have not released my six-four from custody ... errr ... I meant the port.
I printed out my manuscript of The Loser Living
Upstairs and my résumé last night. Now, which do you
think is more valuable? Which one will get me a job? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
Oh boy. That is not really a funny situation, is it? I finally got some
sleep last night, although I woke up with a massive headache. I took moms
to Kahala Mall to pick up some things since this was the last day I had
the rental car. My bro took a long lunch break to pick me up when I returned
the car to the airport. We drove out to Sand Island and missed the Matson
gate. So, we took a short tour of the park at the end of the man-made island.
We finally found the right gate. Within minutes, I was in possession of
my six-four. It was pretty dirty. I got a free car wash voucher from Matson.
I drove there just to find out that it was closed for lunch. So, I drove
back home and washed my beloved six-four immediately. The GTE cellular
phone guy came by, and I signed up for a year. My free phone ended up being
the NEC model. Well, hey! My beloved computer is an NEC!
Thursday December 12
|It rained most of the day. Yes, I washed the six-four
out in the rain. The skies were dark gray. That was inspiration enough
for me to run down to the discount travel agency and purchase my tickets.
Yep, I'm off to Oregon again! Did you know that GTE is a cellular provider
in the Portland area? I also stopped in the offices of my new insurance
company. I had to obtain a "proof of insurance" card. I need that to get
a safety check, which I need to get my permit in lieu of the normal registration.
Hawai'i requires that I get this done within 10 days of the vehicle's release
from port. Baby called tonight. We discussed our plans for the next three
months. Looks like she will be an active cast member again!
||Yep, I'm off to Oregon
I took my six-four in for the safety inspection.
For $15.31, a brain donor basically checked to see if my lights and horn
worked. I then drove to Ala Moana to the Satellite City Hall to get my
six-four registered. It only cost $5. However, I have to paste a huge permit
sticker on my bumper. My six-four was running bad, so I fiddled with the
mixture screws. It also has been burning a lot of gas. When I returned home,
I decided to wax my six-four and prepare it for essentially three months
of storage. I happened to be standing next to one of the rear wheels when
I felt heat radiating from below. I realized then that I had been driving
around with my parking brake on. I never use the parking brake because
the warning light doesn't work. One of the brain donors at Matson must
have set the brake. Speaking of Matson, it is planning on raising shipping
rates across the board in February. This means that the cost of living
in Hawai'i is going to rise proportionately. Not good news for those who
want to move there.
Friday the 13th!
My bro and I went to the new Circuit City in Pearlridge
this evening. He was looking for a car alarm. I wanted a case for my new
cellular phone but it wasn't meant to be. When we returned, we spent the
rest of the evening talking. No wonder I am not getting anything done!
Today was such a nice day. It's hard to believe that it was raining and
gloomy yesterday. I neglected to mention that I unboxed the Time Bomb (my
old clock). I also found Mr. Potato Head, but I put him away again. Well,
I have a little over a day left in Hawai'i. I should be worried about my
inability to find a job. No, not even! I am more concerned about having
lost all of the LoserNet readership. Sheesh!
I printed all of my employment queries this morning
and sent them off. Moms rode in my six-four today. I am not sure if she
was too impressed with the open-air feel of my six-four. She needed to
get some errands done at Koko Marina. She also treated me to lunch at Yummy's,
a great Korean fast-food joint. It started pouring after lunch. Moms had
a meeting to go to, so I unboxed my K-Mart all-in-one entertainment center.
This was the first time I played with it since I shipped it here before
Summer. I tuned into Smooth-FM. Yep, there's even a Smooth-FM here! Sheesh!
While I was preparing to go to the Post Office to mail some postcards and
also to the recycler with some paper, my bro came home from work. He decided
to join me for the ride. I sent postcards to The Bull, the Cardinal, The
Master, Mike (who took the armadillo pictures), and Skip. Little do they
know that I'm heading back to the mainland tomorrow. Yowza!
Saturday December 14
I discovered that moms keeps two pictures of the
ol' lavahead next to her bed. One is of the stoneface holding a rabbit
at Uncle Nobu's place. And, the other is the picture of the ol' pumicehead
in San Francisco, the very same picture that baby had chosen to frame.
I think moms had been waiting a long time for me to return home. Now, I
am leaving again. I had neglected to even give her a phone number after
I left Cali. This time, I made sure that I gave her my cellular number.
She is probably worried that one day I will not come home. My bro and my
sister-in-law have got it too good. Moms cooks, cleans, does laundry and
even makes their bed. Sometimes she cooks a variety of entrées because
somebody does not care for a particular entrée. The whole house
also looks like a playpen for my nephew. There is not much I can do about
it. I find the trend disturbing, and I know where it's heading. If baby
were to move to Hawai'i next Summer, there will be no way that we could
stay here very long. I don't mind, because it would be an imposition on
moms. I just can't see moms cooking and cleaning for two more people. Well,
at least the sinister kahuna didn't toy with the oversized cranium
I go up early and began packing. My bro went to
work, but he said he would be back in time to take me to the airport. While
I was packing, my sister-in-law asked me to move my six-four because the
garbage guys get upset if they have to maneuver around a car parked on
the street. Apparently, they never heard of a steering wheel. So, I parked
in the driveway behind my sister-in-law's car. Moms then asked me why I
parked there, since they were going out shopping. So, I moved the car back
out on the street. About an hour later after they went out, I heard the
garbage truck. So, I ran out to move my six-four. I didn't want to park
it in the driveway because I would have to move it again. I gave up and
just drove it onto the front lawn. That's what we call the Hawai'ian
Style of doing things. Sheesh! Fortunately, baby called. She was anticipating
my arrival and will meet me at the airport. My bro got caught up in traffic,
so we had a late start to the airport. We made good time. The check-in
line extended out the door. My bro went to find parking. When he got back,
I was still in line. It took another 45 minutes before I got my baggage
checked. By this time, it was almost last call. We practically ran to the
gate. I barely had time to say good-bye.
Sunday December 15
The plane was crowded. I was surprised. I thought
that most people would be heading in the opposite direction. I sat in one
of the center seats. Fortunately, I had no one sitting to my left. I was
able to use my beloved computer. The trip was fairly short. I guess I am
getting used to this flight, eh? I think moms was not very happy that I
left. In a way, I broke my own promise to spend time with moms. I think
moms is excited about meeting baby. She won't show it. She didn't seem
excited when I came home on Monday. She must know that baby is someone
important to me or important enough for me to fly back to Oregon so soon.
Our flight was a little late. Baby was waiting for me at the airport. I
was happy to see her again, but I was feeling even more unsure of my decision.
So, here I am ... back in Oregon again!
Fodgers and doughnuts! I bet you thought that
you would never read those words again, didn't you? My first day back in
Oregon was pleasant. Baby and I ventured out in search of the elusive cellular
phone case. Baby also did some shopping. We stopped in Starbuck's for a
cup of coffee. Later, we went to the gym. Dinner consisted of Trader Joe's
beans and canned tuna. This is what I call livin' large in a small way!
Monday December 16
I am still a little distressed about my decision
to return here in less than a week. I'm beginning to see a pattern in my
behavior. I do not wait for the dust to settle after it gets stirred up.
It seems to be in my nature to lead a transient lifestyle. I don't think
that I am comfortable being settled anywhere. I have also gambled foolishly
with my future and now I am down to the wire with nothing to show for it.
I need my book to be published. That's all I have left. This is, of course,
about as foolish as spending my life savings (if I had any) on Lotto tickets.
You know, in life there are dreamers and there are visionaries. The difference
between the two is the fruits of their labor. Where do I fall, do you suppose?
Today was a nice sunny day. I spent my time playing
with my new cellular phone. Those old habits keep coming back like a bad
sitcom, eh? Baby drove out to work in Sandy. She wants to develop a larger
clientele to make more dough in order to facilitate her planned
move to Hawai'i in June. Baby's daughter came home from school and was
surprised to see me back. I helped her do her homework until baby finally
returned from Sandy. We went out shopping later, and we also did some investigating
at the B. Dalton and Barnes & Noble bookstores. We checked to see which
publishers were printing a certain genre of books. Then, we looked in a
publisher's directory to locate the names of the editors. Perhaps now we
can get going on these book projects. This is the poor man's way of finding
Tuesday December 17
You know, sometimes it does seem like my life is
the contrived work of several brain donors. I can assure you, dear readers,
that this is real ... all too real. Yep, you are here with me every step
of the way. Who could make up stuff like this? Finally, thanks to email@example.com,
firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org and
Annie (who did not include her e-mail address) for submitting comments
through the LoserNet forms!
Baby and I have decided to revise our daily schedule
so we can get more things done in a day. For one thing, we plan to go to
the gym earlier so we can increase the number of days we go there. Lately,
we have only been going twice a week. So, we went there for an early afternoon
workout. We also ran a number of errands. We stopped in at Kinko's to get
the hourly rate for using the computers. Since I don't have my printer
here with me, I will need to rent computer time to complete my first book
project. Finally, we went to Trader Joe's for the usual necessities. Unfortunately,
we have not watched Rocko's Modern Life for the last two days. No
wonder I feel as though something is missing. Sheesh!
Wednesday December 18
I have yet to receive any calls on my new cellular
phone. I carry it around all day, just like all the other putzes I see
doing the same. My phone is getting scratched up because I have not been
able to locate a case for it. The main reason I have a cellular phone is
to insure that I do not miss any important job prospects. Oh brother. If
only I had just resigned myself to apply at Burger King, I would be making
Whoppers for you (your way, of course) as we speak. Instead, I chose to
make my life more difficult by thinking that I could find something better.
I only have myself to blame, I suppose. I have discussed my concerns about
my first book venture with baby. I have expressed uncertainty about my
capability to make sound decisions, so baby and I have been working on
this project together. Baby suggested that I send queries to the larger
publishers and submit the manuscript to the smaller ones. Sounds good to
me. My goal is to finish this task by week's end.
My unscheduled return to Oregon has generated quite
a bit of response through the LoserNet forms. I think the readership is
back up to seven people again. Whew! For a while, I thought no one was
reading anymore. Thanks to my virtual homey email@example.com
and my homey John (firstname.lastname@example.org) for sending in comments!
By the way, John is planning to introduce IboNet to the Web. John and I
go back a long way. If only I could reconstruct the journal from those
days. With characters like Ibo, the Freeway, the Mummy, and the Big O ...
Well, my beloved cellular phone has still not
rung even once yet. Whassup wi' dat? Things are looking grim for the ol'
lavahead. What happened to all those employment agencies I wrote to? Everyone
probably had a good laugh before throwing my résumé into
the shredder. Baby and I went to the gym, even after a late start. I may
actually get back into the gym routine. Later, baby had to visit a friend
down the street. So, her daughter and I watched Rocko's Modern Life
in the clubhouse. We went to Egghead Software after dinner, but it wasn't
much fun. Perhaps the stress of life is finally getting to me. My only
excitement was taking the recycling stuff out to the bins. Sheesh!
Thursday December 19
Baby mentioned that her ex-husband suggested a
reconciliation while they were shopping for gifts for their daughter last
week. In support of that idea, he indicated that their daughter was saying
that she wished they would get back together. Interestingly, baby's daughter
wanted me to read a book she had called Hatchet. It's a kid's book,
but part of the storyline deals with a child's painful view of divorce.
I won't go so far as to jump to conclusions yet. I just hope that there
is no hidden meaning behind this book. Divorce is not something I take
lightly. I, myself, am a product of a broken family, so I can empathize.
Baby called the publishers that we were interested
in submitting my manuscript to early this morning. She was able to verify
the names of the editors. Then, she left for work in Sandy. I was left
to my own devices, and so I worked on the materials for the submissions
package. I have to include postage-paid return envelopes with the submissions
in order to get my manuscript copies back as well as the decision on whether
it will be published. I found it humorous that I have to pay the postage
for the slam letters. I got my first call on my beloved cellular phone.
It was from one of the many employment agencies I contacted while I was
in Hawai'i. No job prospects yet. Are we even surprised? Speaking of jobs,
the LoserNet reader poll so far shows postal worker as my preferred job
with Burger King hamburger engineer a close second. Baby was late coming
back from Sandy, so I watched Rocko's Modern Life with her daughter.
There was a little dinner party in the clubhouse, so we all went there
and chowed down. Later, we went back down to the clubhouse to watch Star
Friday December 20
I received a letter from moms. She still appears
to be a little concerned that I left Hawai'i so quickly. My bro is taking
care of my six-four. My nephew has noticed that I am not there. Moms also
sent the classifieds. The jobs are still few and far between, which means
that I will still have to waste paper and send out employment queries.
I called Hawai'ian Airlines to find out how much it would cost to change
my return date. It was a whopping $100! That is how much it costs for some
duffer to enter new data in the computer. Sheesh! And, many thanks to email@example.com
for writing in!
I spent most of the day putting the finishing
touches on my manuscript submissions, and composing employment queries.
I cannot believe how much time it takes to put these things together. The
worst part is that my efforts will all be in vain. Baby had to drive out
to Sandy again. She returned late in the afternoon. After a late lunch,
we went to Kinko's to make copies of the manuscript and to print out the
cover letters. It was almost a comedy of errors, and I was losing it. Fortunately,
baby kept me calm. When we arrived back at home, I found that the bottom
of the box that contained the manuscript copies was wet. We had inadvertently
placed it on a leaky bottle of window cleaner. I was really ready to lose
it then. However, the damage wasn't as bad as it looked. We went to the
gym for a distraction, although I was not in the mood. After the gym, we
went to Burger King for Whoppers (our way, of course!). Then, we were off
to Kinko's to recopy the damaged manuscript pages. To top off the evening,
we had coffee at Starbuck's. I was much calmer by then.
Saturday December 21
Tomorrow is the big day. We will be taking the
manuscripts to the Post Office to mail them off. I am a little nervous
about this. What if it doesn't get published? Yet, I am also relieved.
Now I can get on with other projects, like trying to find a job. Baha!
Ha! Ha! Haaaa! In actuality, I never even considered publishing this particular
piece of work. It was baby who suggested the idea because she thought that
it would be a good trial run. We will be able to learn what it takes to
get our collaborative effort sold.
The morning started out with Fodgers and doughnuts.
Then, we were off to the Post Office to mail the manuscripts. I don't know
why, but I was very apprehensive about sending them off. I have placed
too much faith in the belief that writing will be my salvation from the
real world. In a sense, I have become a dreamer. I also mailed my employment
queries. One was for a job in cellular phone sales. Can you imagine me
selling cell phones? I think I would rather make Whoppers at Burger
King. Speaking of cell phones, baby and I stopped in at GI Joe's and
I was able to find a nice leather case for my beloved phone. It was on
sale! Baby had a few errands to run, so da boy was left to his own devices.
We went to the gym for a quick workout and spent the rest of the evening
convalescing. I was still feeling the residual anxiety from mailing the
manuscripts earlier. Somehow it just felt like I could have done more to
make the package more presentable. That is all water under the bridge now.
Also, thanks to firstname.lastname@example.org and Annie (I know the e-mail
address now thanks to a hint) for the publishing tips!
Sunday December 22
You know the drill ... Fodgers and doughnuts!
I sat around and lamented the plight of the ol' lavahead until it was time
for baby and I to go to the gym. We did a short workout, since the gym
was closing early for a staff party. We were beside ourselves to find something
to do, so we ended up going to Trader Joe's. I bought some junk food. We
came back just in time to watch Star Trek in the clubhouse. I was
not in a particularly good mood all day. I don't know why. I feel as though
I have nothing to do now that the manuscript has been submitted. I began
to feel guilty that I was not in Hawai'i doing what needs to be done. Exactly
what I need to do has yet to be determined. I have sent out my queries
to employment agencies, and I am responding to the classifieds when I see
anything I qualify for (which is few and far between). All I can do is
sit with my beloved cell phone, and wonder if it is even working. At
least I know I am not alone! Many thanks to the Chicken Guy (email@example.com)
for consoling the ol' lavahead!
Monday December 23
I had a dumb dream last night. I was back at the
Roach Motel. My six-five was in the middle of the ol' shoebox. It was really
quiet, and I thought that The Idiots had moved out. I looked into their
window, and saw that all their junk was still there. Then, I woke up. Sheesh!
Baby and I had a minor incident today, which left me wondering if I am
truly at wit's end. I am sure that the anxiety is what is fueling those
dreams and bringing me close to the edge.
Tuesday December 24
|I sat on the couch in a stupor for most of the
day because baby had to drive out to Sandy once again. We had a very late
lunch when she returned. I had just resumed my position on the couch when
my beloved cell phone rang. I jumped to answer the call. "Dad?" asked
the voice on the other end, obviously some kid who has not figured out
how to use a phone yet. Sheesh! I scurried around like a roach and called
6-1-1 in order to get a credit for the call. Otherwise, I'd have to pay
roaming charges as well as long distance rates. Of course, since I am in
roam mode, I reached the Airtouch Cellular service line. I then had to
ransack my briefcase to find the number for GTE Mobilnet, my service provider.
I think I need to get Caller ID! After this traumatic experience, baby
and I decided to go to the gym. Naturally, baby's car did not start. I
had to push the car four times, and push it back when it didn't start.
It was raining and the asphalt was wet. My gym shoes were slipping on the
pavement. Finally, a neighbor came to help. I had my workout completed
before I even made it to the gym. Fortunately, the highlight of the night
was our weekly reading of my competitor's journal. Lately, I have been
reading it aloud while baby does her nails and plays Mahjongg on her computer.
||I jumped to answer
the call. "Dad?" asked the voice on the other end...
Baby had a lot of errands to run today. I went
along for the ride. The first stop was at StartMart. Baby's ex-husband
paid to have the starter replaced, which was a nice gesture on his part.
Later, baby and her daughter went out to a couple of parties. I stayed
in. Well, hey! Just call me Ebenezer Scrooge! I have not joined in the
festivities of the holidays. I do not celebrate this time of the year for
a variety of reasons. That would seem odd for a man who called himself
a monk. However, I do not wish to proselytize on the cynical aspects of
the holidays. I just seem to find that the real spirit of giving is missing.
People expect too much. And, why is it that people only allow themselves
to be nice to others once a year? There are endless material gifts strewn
about, the novelty of which will be worn out in a matter of hours. Overall,
there is nothing that can substitute for the gift of friendship or the
gift of caring. That is something we can give all year round and it costs
nothing. Why is it that people choose to call or write to each other only
once in a year? I know several people who have told me that this is the
worst time of the year for them. They slump into deep depression. It is
called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD?) in clinical circles. Those who
have no one to exchange gifts with or to open present with are left feeling
like social outcasts. To me, that is consumerism gone awry. I hope that
none of you are in dire straits this holiday season. For all it is worth,
please know that your virtual homey, the ol' lavahead, is with you in spirit!
And, all of us at LoserNet hope that you have a safe and pleasant holiday!
Wednesday December 25
Baby and her daughter returned from the party
a little late. Unfortunately, ever since I went on the wagon, my nose has
become extremely sensitive to the smell of alcoholic beverages. Thus, I
knew that baby had a few drinks. I also could tell that baby was a little
buzzed. I am not one to become "holier than thou" after quitting a bad
habit, so I did not discuss the matter much further. I just played with my
beloved computer. Well, hey! I'm a computer nerd!
Thursday December 26
I have continued to experience strange dreams.
For some reason, Heather (the stalking "victim") was in one of those dreams.
She moved in next door to the ol' lavahead after she called the cops on
him. Then, she came by to visit. I woke up in a cold sweat. Sheesh! What
next? Am I going to dream that I am in a nefarious carpool with my old
carpool buddy, Clare? Am I initiating some kind of closure with my past?
Or, is the sinister force toying with the oversized cranium?
Baby and her daughter enjoyed exchanging and opening
their presents this morning. I continued to read the book, Hatchet,
that baby's daughter had lent me. Initially, I thought that there was some
kind of hidden meaning behind the gesture. Now, I'm not so sure. The story
is compelling in its own right, as it makes one realize that anger, self-pity
and despair can take a backseat to the nature of true survival. I, myself,
have continued to succumb to the machinations of the sinister force. The
constant debilitation has fatigued me. I oftentimes feel as though I can
no longer go on. Yet, I have been a fortunate soul. My sheltered life and
my limited experiences have been somewhat fulfilling. I have learned much.
I have aged and matured, but I still have much more to learn.
Speaking of baby's daughter, she was surprised
to learn how old I was. I guess my new monk haircut fooled her. However,
she does not like the monk haircut. She told me that it looked like I was
"bald with a black top." She wanted me to include that quote here. Ho boy!
I spent the rest of the day playing with my cell phone. I was trying to
drain the battery completely before recharging it. I think I am becoming
a phone nerd, too.
I went along with baby to Washington Square Mall.
The mall was packed with people. She had some gifts to exchange. Much to
her chagrin, most of the clothes were no longer in stock. Yep, the Spring
fashions are already coming out. While we were in JC Penny, my beloved
cell phone rang. It turned out to be a brain donor from GTE Mobilnet
in Hawai'i. He acted like he was confirming my service agreement and said
that I would be credited for the call. He really wanted to sell me more
service options. I told him that I was in Portland, and then I asked if
I would be paying for the call since I was in roam mode. My brain donor
buddy was not sure. What a maroon! We stopped off at Trader Joe's to pick
up more granola. Then, we stopped in at Egghead Software. I think I am
getting tired of Egghead. What? Say it isn't so! Perhaps it is because
I cannot afford to buy anything. Baby and I went to the gym, only to find
out that it closed early. So, we went to Payless Drugs and to Safeway to
buy toothpaste and other things. It was a mind boggling experience to say
the least. I needed the Crest Tarter Control with Baking Soda and Fluoride
in Fresh Mint Gel toothpaste. There are several different variations on
this theme. I had bought the wrong one the last time (no baking soda).
Sheesh! Fortunately, we made it home in time to watch Star Trek: DSN
in the clubhouse. I even did a mediocre workout on the treadmill. What
a life I'm having!
Friday December 27
sun came out for a short while. We enjoyed the Tanzanian Peaberry coffee
that baby got at Kobos Coffee Company. Baby had more gift exchanges to
do, so I accompanied her. We had lunch at Burger King. Whoppers, our way!
I forgot to mention that we also had Whoppers for lunch yesterday, too.
Baby had a few more errands to run, so we were out pretty late. We went
to the gym, and then called it a day.
Saturday December 28
Moms forwarded my car insurance paperwork. I read
about all the other options I could tack on (for an additional charge,
of course). What a racket! As much as I love my six-four, I don't think
I want to keep shelling out all that dough. Sheesh! I surmise that the
manuscripts have reached their destination by now. I can only keep my fingers
crossed at this point. Kevin (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote and offered
to be a double for Loser, if and when the manuscript gets a movie deal.
Well, I sure hope that The Loser Living Upstairs gets published
because I have not even received a single slam letter from my employment
queries. That's why I am hard-core unemployable! Also, thanks to my virtual
homey, Mike (Slepyhed@aol.com), for writing in!
had a late start because I was feeling a little groggy. The last time I
felt this groggy, I fell into the bathtub and broke the shower curtain
rod. Sheesh! Fortunately, I was able to get a direct infusion of robusta
juice (Fodgers). Baby and I went to Safeway to buy some Chinese food for
lunch from the deli. After lunch, we decided to print out the manuscript
for our novel. We want to finish editing it so we can send it off to the
publishers soon. The printer took several hours to print less than half
of the text. The cheesy printer was overheating, so we called it a day.
Baby had to visit a client, so I was left to my own devices for a couple
of hours. Later, we went to the gym for a short workout. I was fully recovered
from a little mishap yesterday. I had dropped the bar on my crotch when
I was doing the incline bench press. Fortunately, no one else saw any of
that. We had a combination of Bush's Chili Magic and Bush's baked beans
for dinner. No, we didn't mix them together. That was a feast for a king!
For some reason, I always read the Bush's can when I am eating directly
from it. This time, I noticed the company address on the label. I will
be writing to Bush's soon to inform the company of its importance to LoserNet.
I'm sure the Bush Brothers will be impressed. Yeah, right.
Sunday December 29
My beloved cell phone has not rang since the
other day. Sometimes I have to check to see if it is still working. At
least I have the holidays to blame for the lack of calls. Everyone is on
vacation, I keep telling myself. I know better, though. I am sure those
employers can see that I am not a team player from my résumé
alone. Maybe I should give my number to The Bull. I am sure that he would
love to tell me the excruciating details of his amorous exploits at my
Fodgers and doughnuts! Well, not exactly. I had
two cups of Fodgers. It made my stomach upset, so baby brewed a pot of
Tanzanian Peaberry. What a difference! Baby and I continued printing the
manuscript in the computer room. Several hours later, it was done. Baby's friend
came by to visit just as the last page printed. By that time, I was back
on the Fodgers. Well, hey! I'm a coffee nerd! I watched Baywatch
with some of the kids in the tube room. After her friend left, baby and I went
to the gym. We rushed back to watch the last part of Star Trek: Voyager
in the clubhouse. Then, it was time for Pacific Blue. Why can't
I do those stunts with my six-five? The rest of the evening was spent on
the computer. Baby did her e-mail thing for a couple of hours, and I just
played with Windows File Manager.
Monday December 30
The new year is just around the corner. Have you
made your resolutions yet? I am not planning on making any New Year's resolutions
mainly because I know I will not be able to fulfill them. Take for example
Non-Resolution Number One ... get a job. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa! Oh boy. Sometimes
I just crack myself up, if you know what I mean. Yes, it is hard to believe
that another year has gone by. And, you have been right here with me! This
has been quite a year, and I am not sure if I will ever recover from it
all. Finally, I would like to thank my virtual homey Josh (email@example.com)
for writing in! I am glad to hear that he is alive and well since I had
not heard from him in a long time.
The Bull has a babe! That's right! He finally
found a babe who met his specifications. The Bull, the Cardinal and Mike
(who took the armadillo pictures) wrote back to the ol' lavahead. I was
surprised to see that Mike was still in Convalescent City. The Cardinal
mentioned that The Bull has not been going to the gym as much because The
Bull is in love. Matt now has two kids, and the Bishop is still looking
for a babe. Of course, the Cardinal neglected to mention anything about
his antics. There have been no all-you-can-eat Chinese dinner nights since
I left. I was very happy to hear from everyone. However, all of the vital
information was missing. Who is The Bull's new babe?
Tuesday December 31
|The rest of the day can best be described in Steph's
terminology. I was in a funk. The weather has been bad for the last few
days, but I cannot really say that I am affected by it that much. Frankly,
I hardly notice that it is cold, dark and raining most of the time. I still
wear my shorts. I have been more affected by my phase of life. I believe
that I am going through a mid-life shockwave. No, that's not a new Netscape
plug-in. I think my situation has finally hit home. I have run out of options
and I will eventually run out of time. Feeling like a caged rat, I often
find myself striking out at anyone and anything. My new insurance company
has threatened to cancel the policy on my six-four because I haven't submitted
the written application in a timely manner. Never mind that there is an
additional four day delay because my mail is being forwarded from Hawai'i.
Baby was gone most of the afternoon because she had to pick up her typewriter
that she loaned to someone. I had nothing to do since the computer room
has now become Wolfenstein central. We went to the gym fairly late.
I was not in the mood for a workout, so I did the bare minimum. We left
again around midnight to go to Kinko's so I could print more employment
queries. And, my beloved cell phone did not ring today. Fortunately,
I was able to read my competitor's journal aloud while baby played Mahjongg.
Baby was in a funk today, too. She was not able to sleep last night because
of an e-mail flame war that erupted over the structure of an organization
that shall remain nameless. Baby has been heading the local chapter here
in Portland. She got up at 4am to send off responses. If it had been me,
I would have deleted everything and slept like a baby.
||I believe that I
am going through a mid-life shockwave. No, that's not a new Netscape plug-in.
Unbelievable! It is already the end of another
year! Sheesh! Time sure flies when you are having fun, eh? Well, rest assured
that the fun never stops here at LoserNet! However, the access stats are
down once again, though. I estimate that I may have a total of six readers
now. Well, that's better than I had originally thought. Woe is me! I continued
working on my employment queries, and I also replied to the old gym gang.
We need to know who The Bull's babe is! Of course, not everyone wants to
know. Imagine, if you will, a whole world of babes who have been catapulted
into major depression because of this bit of news. How many hearts have
been broken by The Bull?
More To Come!
Baby spent most of the afternoon helping me preparing
my queries for mailing. I was relieved when we dropped them off at the
Post Office. We nearly had a fender-bender due to a brain donor in the
Post Office parking lot. We went to Trader Joe's to replenish our granola
supply. Then, we stopped off at Office Depot to look for a new ribbon cartridge
for baby's typewriter. We walked next door to Border's. I always enjoy
browsing in that store. I am amazed at the sheer number of new books that
are out. Both baby and I hope that one day we will have a book or two on
those shelves. Border's also carries music CDs, and there are banks of
listening stations. I listened to the new Enigma CD, Le Roi Est Mort
- Vive Le Roi! It was very similar to the first Enigma CD, complete
with chant soundbites. Perhaps it is my fascination with monastic chant,
but I was drawn by its meditative quality. We did not do much else for
the evening. I do not like being out on designated party nights. It is
no longer conducive to my lifestyle. Well, hey! I'm a knob! I hope that
all of you enjoy a safe and fun New Year's Eve!
Continue the adventure now ... move on to January!
The Keeper of Lost Lives: Paradise Lost
The Keeper of Lost Lives ... Tralfaz
Moms ... Herself
Baby ... Herself
And a cast of thousands!
© Copyright 1996, 1997 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.