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to tofu ...
	with love,

This is my day ... April Fool's Day! Who is a bigger FoolBoy^tm than the ol' lavahead? I sold my Craftsman tools today. I still have a cheap set of tools, just in case. I also dropped some stuff off at Goodwill and stopped in at the GTE PhoneMart to pay part of moms' phone bill. When I returned home, I realized that I wanted to run an ad in the paper to sell my K-Mart all-in-one entertainment center. So, I had to drive back into town. Sheesh! My six-four was running even worse. I called around about a new carburetor, and the only place I can get one is from the dealer at $225 plus tax. I read my Chilton's manual (six-four edition) and noticed that it mentioned that any damaged internal parts would cause idling problems. I then realized that the metering rod assembly and the mixture screws were in bad shape. I remember seeing grooves in both mixture screws. The mechanics at the dealer in Convalescent City drilled out the casing to get to the screws. I suspect that when the drill bit hit the screw, it bottomed out the screw in the casing. It just goes to show that there is probably no place the ol' lavahead can take the six-four and get a decent job done. I'm better off doing the work myself. I mean, how much worse could I do? Sheesh!

I have been thinking about baby all day. It was nice to have company while I was driving around all over the creation last week. During dinner, my nephew kept saying, "Where's auntie?" In Hawai'i, anyone close to the family is either referred to as "uncle" or "auntie." I surmised that the little rascal misses baby, too. Sometimes, I think baby and I were crazy to have traveled so far and so often to see each other. We got a great relationship out of the deal, but I wish we were not so far apart.

The rains started up again last night. Well, hey! This is Hawai'i! It rains all the time here in the tropics. Baby called last night, and we talked about our day. Then, to my surprise, I was able to upload the journal. LoserNet is back in business! The rain continued through today. I took moms down to Koko Marina in my six-four. I was a little worried because my six-four was running bad and I didn't want to jeopardize moms' safety. I also worked on few employment queries. I have not sent any out in over a month. I called my agent ... well, okay ... my travel agent. I confirmed my reservations and will be picking up my tickets on Saturday. Baby called again this evening. She wanted to know if I decided when I was going to return to Oregon. This Sunday, of course! Baby's daughter has chickenpox and has been home from school all week. Kevin is tentatively planning to be in Portland on Friday. He was not able to meet baby in Seattle on Monday. Baby mentioned that the pictures we took did not turn out well. I'm afraid that the Fred Meyer camera is no longer the official camera of LoserNet. Now, I just need to tell moms that I'm leaving again. Sheesh!

Well, it's time to catch up on some viewer mail. I only wish that Larry "Bud" Melman was here to assist me. Dan (chesson@scsud.ctstateu.edu) wrote, "Phew! I was starting to get worried there. I was going into Losernet withdrawal ... I actually started watching TV again!" Chicken Guy of Akron Ohio (chknguy@usit.net) wrote, "I'm thinking maybe you should pop the question! but that's hard to call from halfway around the world." Ali (tuthill@student.uni-kassel.de) said that "reading 'whoppers my way' so often made me break down and eat my first whopper in several years." Ho boy! You know, Burger King never even sent me a slam letter. Finally, Mark (kirkm@battelle.org) wrote, "Show us the 6-4!" By the way, my poor six-four is camera-shy. Sheesh!

I ruined one of the blades in my Norelco electric razor. My compulsive behavior dictates that I dismantle and clean it every time I use it. The risk for this kind of foolishness is that something will end up damaged. A new set of blades costs $25 or so. For every step forward, I take three steps back. What a loser! I called baby this evening. She said that she was planning on going skiing and to the comedy club on Saturday, but her daughter will be with her this weekend. So, those plans were cancelled. Of course, my untimely arrival will prevent her from subsequently engaging in those activities. I volunteered to postpone or cancel my trip so that she could do the things she wanted to do without having to babysit the ol' lavahead. Moms knocked on my door around midnight. I was playing with my beloved computer. She asked if I was okay. She was worried because she had seen me gazing out the window earlier today. She wanted to know if I was lonely. I told moms that I was leaving on Sunday. She seemed disappointed. I could see it in her eyes. I think that something is wrong, but I'm not sure what it is.
 

I have been thinking about my return to Oregon. I'd like to think that things are going to work out fine, but the sinister force/kahuna would never permit that. Baby and I are probably just putting off the inevitable. We will be forced to go our separate ways in June, only because we will have exhausted all of our resources by then. Theoretically, baby could move to Hawai'i for just the cost of one-way airfare. Moms would probably let her stay here for a while. If nothing panned out, baby could return to Oregon in August. However, she would have to spend a considerable amount of dough to purchase another car and furniture since she would have to sell everything prior to leaving. Naturally, I was not that smart. I ended up spending a lot of dough to ship my broken-down six-four and many of my other useless possessions, most of which I have gotten rid of anyway. I don't really know why I do the stupid things that I do. Deep down inside, I know that I am an imbecile. I am lost. I have no sense of direction. Baby and I have the capability to synergistically transcend these obstacles and live a good life. Why we do not utilize this potential, I do not know. My loans will come due in June to the tune of $45,000 or so. I spent half of that dough on 40-dogs of King Cobra. Well, hey! Don't let the smooth taste fool ya'! Sometimes I wonder if I need a reality check. I may be living in a dream world. My crazy ideas may not end up just being my downfall but baby's as well.

Deep down inside, I know that I am an imbecile. I am lost. I have no sense of direction.

Moms went to the doctor for her follow-up appointment. The doctor wanted to prescribe some medication, but moms refused. He told her, "Eat well, sleep well, and get some exercise." Moms must have a clean bill of health. I walked down to Koko Marina to drop off moms' bank deposit for her. I sold my K-Mart all-in-one entertainment system. This truly marks the end of an era. Sheesh! All I have left is my broken-down six-four, my beloved computer, my non-ringing cell phone, the Time Bomb, and Mr. PotatoHead. Annie called this evening. She wanted to wish the ol' lavahead well before he returned to Oregon. Baby also called tonight. She met with Kevin for the photo exchange today. Baby is looking forward to my return. However, I have been wondering whether I acted impulsively. I'm not getting a whole lot done here. And, I have only two months before I have to pay the piper, as the old saying goes. Baby seems eager to move here, but I think she will run into several obstacles of her own. In any case, I am preparing myself for the worst-case scenario ... the sinister kahuna scenario. On a minor positive note, I have also been entertaining the idea of starting my own business. I know, I know ... everyone wants to start their own business, Itlan. Of course, I want that business to be computer-related. I know, I know ... everyone wants to be in the computer business, Itlan. Why couldn't I have been the guy to create The Tick?

Hey! It's time for more lamenting at the Wailing Wall! Just kidding. It's time for viewer mail. Moongrrl (anniek@ix.netcom.com) wrote, "hey. i think The Keeper is my long lost loser soul brother ... i was astonished to see that you, too, have a viable relationship with Toilet Duck and this is soooooo eerie: you, too, received the fortune cookie message: You are the master of every situation ... could we be living in some strange parallel loser universe?" And, Warren (wkinning@crl.com) said, "Your relationship with baby sounds great. I read a lot about people meeting on the Internet. Maybe I'll find love on here, too." The Net is the place to be!

I picked up my airline tickets this morning. I spent the rest of the day doing nothing. I feel like doing nothing for the rest of my life. In fact, today was the first day that I thought about how much better things would be if I just disappeared from the face of the planet. I got a slam letter from Enterprise Rent-A-Car, of all places. The were several manager trainee positions available, and the minuscule pay was on the par with Burger King. To add insult to injury, the slam letter opened with: "Although we have decided to pursue other much more (italics mine) qualified candidates ..." I can see why some people just lose it, go in with an AK-47 and perforate everything in sight. I managed to finagle some plastic sheets and fasten them where my windows should be on my six-four. It began to pour down rain while I was in the middle of the process. I got soaked. I have estimated that my six-four will cost between $500 and $2,500 to repair. My six-four no longer idles on its own. I have to floor it to keep it from dying. The drive train is also shot. It is making a variety of metallic noises (not good), and there are indications that something is ready to freeze up at any time. The highlight of the day was the monk haircut my bro gave me. I almost felt like a new person again.

The sinister kahuna is giving me a nice aloha before its tag team partner on the mainland, the sinister force, takes over. I'm not sure if I should go anywhere in my fragile mental state. I don't know what happened, but something in me has snapped. No, I'm not wielding an AK-47, but I am demoralized and on the verge of chronic depression. What I would really like to do is check into an asylum already! Sheesh! We'll see y'all in Oregon!

The sun was shining, and it was hot from very early in the morning. My bro and his family walked down to Koko Marina to have breakfast at Zippy's. I stayed at home and ate Guava Sherbet for breakfast. When my bro returned, it was already time for us to leave for the airport. Moms gave me a hug and said good-bye. I felt bad that I was leaving. I had a nice talk with my bro during the drive and at the airport. I mentioned that baby's daughter has chickenpox. My bro almost turned white as a sheet. Apparently, he never contracted chickenpox as a kid. I then realized that I wasn't sure if I ever had it either. I told him that I would call home immediately after arriving in Portland. Isn't that something? I may have to stay in a motel for a few weeks. Sheesh! My bro sat with me until last call. The plane was packed with returning tourists. It was a nightmare. However, I was fortunate to have a vacant seat next to me. In fact, that was the only empty seat on the plane. There was non-stop traffic in the aisles, most likely because booze was flowing like water and everyone had to drain the lizard. Too bad Loser wasn't here. Can you imagine a four-flusher on the plane? I contemplated the almost too expedient slam letter I received yesterday. Then, it dawned on me. My résumé includes the MonasteryNet Web site. Given the media hoopla about the Higher Source (Heaven's Gate) people, I may have inadvertently made myself out to look like some kind of disciple. Look at the similarities we shared ... the Internet, Web page design, Star Trek, computers, Starbuck's ice cream, monks, monk haircuts, K-Mart accessories, celibacy, the mendicant lifestyle ... Ho boy! Well, at least I'm not running around in black Nikes ... Hey! I have black Air Nike cross-trainers! And, all my belongings do fit in one suitcase! Wait a minute. I do not own a purple sheet. Whew! Baby and her daughter were at the airport to greet me when I arrived. I was very happy to see baby, but I was still feeling bad about leaving Hawai'i. This will be my last trip to the mainland, even if baby decides that she must stay in Oregon. We will have to make the most of the time that we do have.

I called moms immediately from the airport last night, only to discover that she was not sure whether I ever had the chickenpox or not. There was not much else I could do. Let's just hope that I have been through that nonsense already. Baby had to drive out to Sandy to work. I have gone back to doing what I do best ... nothing. When baby came home, we left to run some errands. I returned the torque wrench that I bought (and never used) back in March. Baby was on the phone most of the evening. Sometime during the last hour of the call, she began pacing back and forth. I scribbled out a sign that said, "Stop pacing." Ever since the time I lived below Loser, I have not been able to tolerate anyone's pacing.

I was left to my own devices again as baby had to drive out to Sandy again. I called around to see if I could locate a carburetor at one of the local junkyards. No dice. So, I called around to get prices on a new carb. The prices were higher than the quote from the dealer in Hawai'i. I was shocked. I have decided to forego the replacement of the carb. I will buy some new parts and just rebuild it again. Something seems to be wrong with the emission controls circuit, too, so I will troubleshoot those components after I rebuild the carb. I have also begun editing the novel that baby and I wrote together. There is still a lot of work to be done. Essentially, it has sat on the shelf collecting dust for about a year. I am also working on two proposed projects for LoserNet ... the LoserNet Mall and Highest Source Consulting. Sheesh! Baby and I went to the gym together for the first time in over a month. I did a brief circuit workout, which was fatiguing. My twigs have atrophied into mere fibers.

Baby and I visited the GTE PhoneMart today. There were placards all over the place about the new GTE Internet service. I asked one of the customer service people for more details, but no one knew much. Later, I called my cell number from baby's phone to see if my beloved cell phone was working. I got a "no longer in service" message. I called GTE Mobilnet and had my service reinstated. No one knew why the service was terminated and for how long. I was connected with the Finance office, where the disconnect order originated. No one there knew what happened. Fortunately for my sanity, we had lunch at Burger King (Whoppers, our way!) and stopped in at Egghead Software. Baby and I went to the clubhouse to work out and watch Star Trek: Voyager. I left a little early because I did not want to see the Chimp^tm in his glory.

I went with baby to her office in Sandy. Baby had a lot of work to do. I spoke with her boss about setting up a Web page for the firm. Looks like Highest Source Consulting has its first client, although I have become ambivalent to the idea of a Web-related business. Baby and I went down to the clubhouse to watch Star Trek: DSN. The Chimp^tm's protégé came in at 9:30, and I thought that there was going to be an incident. Surprisingly, there wasn't. Actually, he was very cordial. Baby told me that he has been on good behavior lately. As for me, I have been in a bad way for several days now. I'm not sure why these old feelings of despondency have surfaced once again. Perhaps I just feel totally useless. I also think that I have been making too many impulsive decisions, which I tend to regret almost immediately.

The Bull (EquityBull@aol.com) wrote to say that he has come out of retirement and has taken on a short-term consulting position. Within that time, he will make more dough than most people make in a lifetime. He also detailed the trip to Las Vegas that he took with the Cardinal. They gambled excessively and ate several all-you-can-eat meals. The Cardinal apparently was hitting on one of the blackjack dealers, but she just ended up taking most of his money. Do you see why I sometimes miss the old gym gang?

Baby left early for a waxing appointment. I remained in a coma until she returned. She had another appointment in Portland this afternoon, so she dropped me off at Powell's City of Books. I sold my old JavaScript book since the JavaScript Institute is now defunct. Instead of buying an enjoyable book, I purchased another JavaScript reference book. Well, hey! I'm a computer nerd! Baby and I went to the gym in the evening. Baby has been making significant progress in her fitness program, although she doesn't seem to think so. She has come a long way since last year, and she is looking really good. Baby is now wearing gym babe attire to the gym. She had previously been somewhat self-conscious about wearing stuff like that out in public (i.e., the gym). I persuaded her to wear her gym babe attire (sans sweats) so she could better monitor her progress. Body sculpting requires considerable mental focus with constant visual feedback, although that has yet to work for the ol' lavahead.

Baby had to check on her friend who just had surgery. I spent that time reading my new JavaScript book. Later, we went shopping for new gym babe attire for baby. Baby has really gotten into the gym babe spirit. We returned home and baby changed into one of her new outfits. We then left for the gym. As we waited to make the turn onto Farmington Road, the Chimp^tm drove by. He had some babe with him. Baby recognized her immediately. It was her friend who also happens to live in the same apartment complex. She was sitting right next to the Chimp^tm so we knew that something was up. Sheesh! The Chimp^tm has a babe! We had a nice workout, and then we went to Border's to look for books on TCP/IP. Well, hey! I'm starting up a consulting firm! We went to Burger King for dinner at ten o' clock. The place was closing, so we ended up eating our Whoppers (our way, of course!) out in the car in the parking lot. I stayed up most of the night in an attempt to meditate and gain inner peace, if that is at all possible. I have been trying to relax and to get to the root of my feelings of despondency and anger. I was tired and strange thoughts permeated my mind during the meditation process. I slumped over and passed out in the wee hours of the morning. Needless to say, I am still devoid of any answers.

Baby and I went down to the clubhouse to read the Sunday paper. I also had Fodgers and doughnuts for the first time in a month. Baby and I then went back to the stores we were at yesterday to return a couple of the gym outfits that she bought. She ended up keeping two of the new outfits. After that, we stopped in at Border's to have coffee. We also read a few magazines, checked out some new music CDs and looked at few books. Baby and I went to the gym again. We did some walking lunges as part of our workout. Both of us were hurting by the time we returned home. We ran down to the clubhouse to watch Star Trek. Foolishly, we did a little more cardio. Can you guess how bad we were hurtin' after that?

Both baby and I were in some kind of pain today. So, we didn't do much except run a few errands. By the way, we have been eating a lot of Saimin, another favorite dish of Hawai'i local kama'ainas. Gluttons for punishment that we were, we decided to go to the gym again. After a painful workout, we stopped by Border's but it had already closed. That left only one alternative activity for the evening ... read the competitor's journal. As usual, baby did her nails while I read the journal aloud. Last week, I read aloud about a month's worth of entries. We had fallen behind during the time I was back in Hawai'i. I received another slam letter today, or at least I thought it was a slam letter. The duffer reiterated the qualifications for the job, thanked me for applying, and stated that the hiring process was to be completed by May 20th. Did I miss something, Itlan?

Did you get your tax forms submitted on time? I know that only applies to US residents and people who are employed (of which I am not). Baby wanted to purchase a new curling iron and a gift for the baby shower she will be attending on Sunday, so we went to Target to do some shopping. We also stopped off at the Goodwill store to drop off some clothes. Baby wanted us to go inside to look for the elusive blue purse. Well, we did and she finally found one! Later in the evening, baby happened to call Mel (baby's friend from Hawai'i). During the course of the conversation, Mel disclosed that her computer wasn't working properly. Baby passed the phone to me and I talked to Mel about the problem. We ended up going over to Mel's place. Baby brought the Hawai'i pictures along. She also brought Haw's Flakes (that we had a hard time finding in Hawai'i) for Mel's kids. Mel's computer was a mess. She had just installed Windows 95 and the computer detected that some of the files were missing on start-up. The problems began when Mel attempted to install the AT&T WorldNet software and could not set up the modem. As it turned out, Windows could not find the modem because it was an old 2400 baud dinosaur. She said that she used it with AOL, but it was real slow. There were numerous other things wrong with the computer. She consulted with the computer specialist (remember him from last Summer?) and he pulled out the CD-ROM interface card. So, now the CD-ROM does nothing. She also said that a friend was using the computer recently and, after the so-called friend was done, the sound card no longer worked. Sheesh!

Baby met a couple of friends for lunch out in Sellwood. She also took more clothes to her friend's consignment shop. When baby returned, we went back to Target. Baby wanted to exchange the barrel-type curling iron she bought for a brush type. We also stopped in at Trader Joe's for the usual amenities. Baby and her daughter had a dentist appointment in the late afternoon. I stayed in and waited for Mel to drop off some dough. Mel had called earlier this morning to ask if I could shop around for a modem for her. We ate dinner at Burger King (Whoppers, our way!) before going to Border's. Baby and I drank coffee in the little café while baby's daughter perused Kid's World. We also spent some time looking for a good TCP/IP book. We also listened to a few music CDs. I still haven't found a good TCP/IP book. Really, is there such a thing?

I don't know if it was because I drank too much coffee last night or not, but I had a couple of strange dreams. The first dream gave me the willies. I encountered a strange entity, whose composition was that of a dark, cloud-like mass. There seemed to be a bright light source behind the entity that made its billowy edges glow and sparkle. I remember yelling to the entity, "Step back, Satan!" Frankly, I'm not even sure that it was a dream. I could sense the presence of a life force, and I apparently knew who that life force was. All I can remember of the second dream was a pair of steel-toed work boots that I saw at Target for $19.95 yesterday. The damned boots kept appearing in the dream for some reason unbeknownst to me. Baby met a friend for lunch. The ol' lavahead stayed in and lapsed into a coma. Later in the afternoon, baby and I went modem shopping. I found a good deal, but I had to return it. The 33.6kbps modem only worked with a Pentium system. Mel is running Windows 95 on a 25Mhz i486-SX machine. Sheesh! I had to settle for a cheap 14.4kbps modem to stay within budget. Baby then called Mel to tell her that we bought the modem. We will be going over to Mel's place tomorrow. Mel will be making dinner for us. I will work on the computer. Well, hey! I'm a computer nerd!

All I can remember of the second dream was a pair of steel-toed work boots that I saw at Target for $19.95 yesterday.

Baby and I did not do much today. The weather had been really nice for the last few days, but it started to rain this morning. We went to Fred Meyer so I could pick up some doughnuts. I had a craving for doughnuts! Then, we stopped in at Egghead Software. Baby played Windows Solitaire on one of the computers while I ran around like a kid in a candy store. We also went to the gym for a quick workout. Baby has set a goal to look like the ultimate gym babe in seven weeks. Following my patented fitness program should do it! Say, maybe Highest Source Consulting will have to establish a fitness division, too. We arrived at Mel's place fashionably late. I headed straight for the computer and began working on it. An hour later, I was ready to lose it. I could not get Windows 95 to recognize the modem. Everything was going wrong. I reset the jumpers on the modem card and reinstalled it. Then, I did a manual installation. Finally, Windows recognized the modem. I used HyperTerminal to log onto baby's ISP and everything seemed to work fine. Mel's husband, Hiram, kept me company throughout the ordeal. By that time, dinner was ready. Mel made some ono kaukau ... Sweet and Sour Spareribs, Sweet and Sour Chicken, macaroni salad, rice and a pineapple upside-down cake. By the way, that's Hawai'ian (not Pidgin) for "delicious grub." After dinner, I resumed work on the computer. I tried to install the AT&T software, but it would not recognize the modem. By that time, everyone came in to keep me company. While desert was being served, Hiram (also from Hawai'i) gave baby an abridged Pidgin English lesson. I continued to have difficulty with the software, so Mel called AT&T. I ended up talking with the technician. He said that the problem was that the modem was an RPI type, although I was certain that it was not. In the end, I had to call it a night. I was demoralized. What kind of computer nerd am I anyway? In disgust, I told baby, "That does it, I'm going to become a janitor!"

Mel called early this morning. Baby suggested that she bring the computer over so I could work on it for a couple of days. In the meantime, we went down to the clubhouse to watch The Tick. Yes, he's back! I ate my Fred Meyer doughnuts to celebrate. When Mel arrived, we brought the computer inside. I set it up on the floor and began working on it immediately. Mel and her daughter stayed for a while, and she even ordered a delicious pizza for lunch. After an hour of nonsense, I took a break and went out to run some errands with baby. When we came back, I worked on the computer again. I must have restarted the computer over 50 times. I had to reinstall the missing Windows 95 files, and I also set up the CD-ROM and sound card. Later, baby and I went to the gym for a short workout. I actually needed the diversion. Mel had given us some of last night's dinner, so we ate that for dinner tonight. Baby's friend came by after dinner. She and baby did a cardio workout in the clubhouse and went hottubbing afterwards. I stayed in and worked on Mel's computer on through the night. I finally gave up at midnight, although I managed to get the modem to work properly with a generic driver. I then relinquished the computer to baby so she could play Windows Solitaire. Sheesh!

Baby had a busy day. She left for a brunch meeting, only returning shortly before departing once again to go to a baby shower. I downloaded a Windows 95 driver for the modem off of the Web. I replaced the generic driver and everything appeared to be working fine. Then, I cleaned off some unnecessary files from the hard drive. Mel's computer was running perfectly. I may have to retrench on my position about the Web. The commercial end of the Web does seem to have its merits, or so I discovered when I needed an updated software driver. If Highest Source ever gets off the ground floor, it may need to utilize the Web as a reference source for cutting edge technology. Did I forget Fodgers and doughnuts? Yep, I did manage to take a short robusta juice break. I almost didn't get any doughnuts because a chubby kid was standing next to the table and stuffing his face. I played Windows Solitaire for most of the afternoon until baby returned. She then took over for me. We went to the gym and stopped off at Border's for a brief diversion. Should I mention that we had Whoppers (our way, of course!) for dinner? And, guess what we did for the rest of the evening? Windows Solitaire, our way, of course!

I ended up playing Windows Solitaire until 3 o' clock in the morning. Baby had given up two hours prior. She fell asleep on the couch next to me. Mel's computer was sitting on the floor. That was where I left it to work on it. I sat on the couch and used the armrest as a mousepad. Sheesh! If that wasn't bad enough, baby and I played Windows Solitaire for most of the day. I have also been playing with Windows 95 on Mel's computer. It is quite an impressive system. I am now contemplating the purchase of a Windows 95 upgrade for my beloved computer. I can't afford to buy a new computer, so I may as well upgrade this one. Highest Source will not be caught with its pants down, especially in the high stakes Web consulting game.

 Mel came by to pick up her computer. I was in the clubhouse working on the community computer. Miraculously, the community computer is running Windows 95 now, too. Well, hey! I don't want to wear out my beloved computer! We went to Toys 'R Us after dinner, so that baby's daughter could have fun. I looked at all the expensive toys that kids get to play with these days. At one point, baby came to get me so that she could show me something. I walked with her to the other end of the store, and there they were ... plastic Whoppers! They were actually marketed by Burger King, too. Sheesh!

Baby had a discussion with her daughter yesterday afternoon about moving to Hawai'i. I happened to be in the clubhouse at the time. Apparently, baby's daughter was not very happy about the idea of moving. That came as no surprise. The trouble is only about to begin. Baby had to meet with a friend at Starbuck's after lunch today. I went along, too, but I first went to Egghead to buy the Windows 95 upgrade. I then joined baby and her friend for a cup of coffee. Baby and I went to the gym to work out, although I could hardly wait to get home to upgrade my beloved computer to Windows 95. The upgrade took an hour or so. The real work began after the installation. Windows 95 seems to assume that everyone has a high-capacity hard drive. So, it goes about installing everything it possibly can. I worked on into the night while baby sat by patiently doing her nails.

I continued working to optimize Windows 95 on my beloved computer. Baby drove to work in Sandy. When she returned, I was still working on my beloved computer. We took a break and went to Border's. I listened to a few music CDs and then went straight to the computer nerd section. I have begun to replace my 16-bit applications with newer 32-bit versions. The task has been laborious at best. I had to take a lot of time to identify all of the linked files that work with the old applications, since none of the applications had any kind of uninstall facility. You know, I think I've learned the equivalent of the Windows 95 MSCE certification course in last three days. Sheesh!

Once again, I was working on my beloved computer. I made the mistake of installing Internet Explorer last night. I uninstalled it, but some portions of the program are still resident. I found that very annoying. Baby and I went to the gym to work out in the early afternoon. Baby wants to get in as much gym time as possible before the big move. Later, baby had to go to the open house at her daughter's school. I stayed in. Guess what I did? Can you say Windows 95?

I have fallen behind with all of my projects lately. I could use Windows 95 as an excuse, but that would be pathetic. I have even fallen behind with my journal. I seem to have lost interest in it and LoserNet. I have not even found a new home for the site as of yet. Fortunately, I do not get much e-mail. I have fallen way behind with my correspondence and I should apologize to all. I'm not sure what I have been doing, but I can truthfully say that I am going nowhere extremely fast.

Baby had an appointment in downtown Portland, so she dropped me off at Powell's City of Books. I spent the time in the technical section ... actually, it is in a building by itself. I checked out a lot of Windows 95 resources. You know, whenever I look at all those computer books, I feel so stupid. I mean, I know absolutely nothing. No wonder I can't get a job! Later, baby and I went to the gym for a quick workout. We went straight to Mel's place afterward. Mel wanted more help with the AT&T software. She also made Chicken Long Rice for dinner. Mel, Hiram and the kids were all speaking Pidgin English. At one point, Hiram commented that I was starting to sound like him. So, I guess my Pidgin is coming back! Dinner was delicious. Well, hey! Chicken Long Rice is an island favorite! The rest of the evening was enjoyable. Mel and Hiram discussed the pros and cons of living in Hawai'i. All in all, they seem to think that baby will adjust to life in Hawai'i fairly quickly.

Moms sent the classifieds chock full of the usual dismal selection of jobs. Moms also wrote that my bro has officially been laid off from work. He expects to be working again within two weeks, but I'm not sure whether I share my bro's optimism. In any case, if he is still unemployed when I return in June, he and the ol' lavahead will have some kind of fun looking for work. We'll both probably end up working at Burger King. Sheesh!

Fodgers and doughnuts! Well, actually baby made some Monsoon Malabar, so I was spared the Fodgers experience. The doughnuts, however, were excellent. Baby went to her friend's place for the afternoon. I lapsed into a quasi-coma for no apparent reason. Baby returned with a whole bunch of flowers from her friend's garden. She was also proud to tell me that she mowed a lawn for the first time with a push mower, although the grass was apparently so thick that she didn't mow a very large area. We went to the gym again in the early evening. Then, I made my version of Chicken Long Rice for dinner. I must admit that it came out pretty good. After dinner, we went to Border's and spent the evening there. We had coffee in the café. I read computer magazines, and baby checked out all of the swimsuit magazines. I also perused a few Windows 95 books just for added fun.

I forgot to mention that I saw the Chimp^tm walking around the parking lot. There was a kid with him ... a teenager. Then, it struck me. The Chimp^tm has a son! Lord have mercy! The kid was keeping his distance from his alleged dad. Can you blame him? Sheesh! The Chimp^tm has been friendly to baby lately, but he has not said a word to the ol' lavahead. That makes sense since baby is a good friend of his new squeeze. I just want to know when that poor babe will see the light.

Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! Forget the Fodgers! Baby wanted to run to Meier & Frank to pick up some free mud ... yes, mud. We're talking about the facial mud. It's from Princess Marcella Borghese's internationally renowned spa. If it was me, I'd just get some mud from out in the yard and pack it on the ol' lavahead. We then went to CompUSA. Baby immediately stationed herself in front of one of the computers. Yep, Windows Solitaire. I perused the whole store. I could literally spend hours in there looking at all the computer nerd stuff. Later, we went to the gym. When we came back, baby went down to soak in the hottub. I stayed in and worked on my beloved computer. I am still trying to delete a bunch of obsolete files. Since installing Windows 95, I have about 40MB less space on my hard drive.

I have been trying to figure out why I've been in a such a bad way lately. Just about everything is getting on my nerves. I contemplated the reasons, and I made mental notes so that I could transcribe them in the journal. Well, as to be expected, I forgot them all. Why can't I just forget my problems, too? I think a lot of it has to do with my inherent nature to procrastinate. I have never thought of myself as a procrastinator, but I think my inaction speaks louder than words.

I spent most of the day in the community computer room. This was the first time that I have used the computer since I set it up as a development workstation. I am working on a project for Highest Source. I also came up with some innocuous revisions for LoserNet that will be implemented before the site moves. Speaking of which, there is an example of my ability to procrastinate. I have less than two months before LoserNet disappears from the face of this planet. Was I even sufficiently moved to do anything? Nope.

Baby's daughter came home and took a nap because she had a headache. Baby came down to the computer room to talk to me and somehow ended up playing Windows Solitaire. When we returned home, baby's daughter was gone. She left a note that she was going to school. Apparently, she had woken up from her nap and thought that it was tomorrow morning. Baby drove around to search for her while I walked around the complex. I happened to find baby's daughter walking home. The whole experience gave baby quite a scare. Baby also mentioned that her daughter had changed her mind about moving to Hawai'i. She believes that the godparents and her ex-husband have something to do with it. Baby has told her own parents about the big move. Baby's parents appear supportive. Baby's ex-husband, however, has become increasingly defiant. In a way, I understand why this is happening because guys seem to have a need to retain control over what they perceive to be within their jurisdiction. It the "King of the Castle" syndrome. A former subject may elect to leave the Kingdom, but to no avail. Once a loyal subject of the Kingdom, always a subject.

I continued to work on the a variety of computer projects all day. I redesigned the user interface for LoserNet, but it does not seem to work properly. That work may end up in vain. Time flew by, and it was nightfall when I decided to call it day. After dinner, we went to Border's. Baby's daughter disappeared into Kid's World. Baby and I had coffee in the café. I continued to do the poor man's technique of research (i.e., peruse the books I can't afford to buy).
 

I have been in a bad way again. From what I can tell, it is an offshoot of the "King of the Castle" syndrome. I am losing control of my life, and I cannot regain that control. My Kingdom is basically my notebook computer. No doubt that is why I spend so much time on it. It is subservient to both me and my needs. Foolish, isn't it? Well, at least I am not trying to exercise power over other people like some kind of tyrant. And, what kind of power do I have anyway? Fortunately, Windows 95 names one of the icons on the desktop "My Computer." Whenever I see that icon, I feel a great sense of warmth. Ah, my beloved computer.

My Kingdom is basically my notebook computer.

Today is the last day of April. It really is of no significance with the exception that May is right around the corner. I spent most of the day finishing up a project for a client of Highest Source Consulting. That will probably be my first and last client. I also spent an exorbitant amount of time redesigning some of the pages for LoserNet. The new features, albeit insignificant, will not debut until I have found a site to upload the new files. I don't really know why I enjoy working on the computer. After several hours, I usually have a bad headache and severe eye strain. The only diversion I had was watching Star Trek: Voyager in the clubhouse while feigning a workout on the treadmill. My hip has been giving me a lot of trouble anyway. It feels like I have a pinched nerve. I suppose this is just a taste of what I have to look forward to in my old age.

I have pretty much streamlined Windows 95 on my beloved computer. I removed several unnecessary drivers and files. Unfortunately, there is only so much one can do with a 50MHz i486. I'm just happy that I have a computer at all. Baby and I also went to Burger King for a late lunch (Whoppers, our way, naturally!). What is it about a Whopper that just make all the world's troubles melt away? Perhaps it is because of my monk-like nature.

There will be much to do in May. I have to initiate some kind of arrangement with my creditors. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. I should send copies of all of my slam letters to my creditors so they can see what a fun time I've been having. Baby has been taking a step at a time insofar as the move to Hawai'i is concerned. I have been a little worried about the whole situation. If things don't work out for baby, I will have to take responsibility for the consequences of a faulty decision. I have been used to failure while on my own, even in my fragile mental state. That reminds me. GroundZero (JDenney@LNC.com) wrote, "Happiness is where you find it. Moving to Hawaii, and having baby move there too, will not automatically make you happy. Through your whole series of journals, tho, a common theme seems to be that you expect to find happiness with the next move. You always seem to find nothing but regrets instead." That about hits the ol' nail right on the head. Sheesh! I read the competitor's journal aloud again last night. At least I know that the competitor isn't doing much better, if that is any consolation.

Continue the adventure now ... move on to May!

The Keeper of Lost Lives: To Tofu ... With Love, Julie Newmar

Starring:
The Keeper of Lost Lives ... Tralfaz
Moms ... Herself
Baby ... Herself
And a cast of thousands!

© Copyright 1997 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNet^tm Love It, or Lose It.