Thursday May 1, 1997
I spent more time at the developmental workstation
(the community computer). Baby had scheduled a lunch appointment, so I
had most of the afternoon to work on the finishing touches of the Highest
Source project. I decided to take a break and work on my beloved computer.
I am trying to make the big switch from my old 16-bit Windows 3.1 TCP/IP
stuff to the 32-bit Windows 95 equivalent. In the meantime, I am still
using Trumpet Winsock.
Friday May 2
After dinner, we drove to Washington Square. Baby
dropped me off at CompUSA, and then she and her daughter went shopping
at Toys 'R Us. I was in CompUSA for over two hours. I didn't realize that
the time had gone by so quickly. I had fun looking at all the computers
and all the software, none of which I can afford. Now, that's what I call
a good time!
When I woke up this morning, I felt as if someone
had ironed my head. Baby had a noon appointment. I stayed in and continued
working on my beloved computer. We went to Burger King for lunch after
baby returned. I had a Whopper, my way. Baby had a Whopper Jr., her way.
Baby decided that she would start eating the smaller Whopper in the spirit
of her new fitness agenda. Of course, we went to the gym to work out. Baby
did her walking lunge routine. And, I introduced her to the inverted leg
press machine. She was hurtin' after that. I watched a portion of Star
Trek: In Search of Spock on the tube at the gym. Baby found me in the
tube room and joined me. We had to return home before eight o' clock. Baby
had to get ready to go to her friend's B-day party. I stayed in and worked on
my beloved computer. I hate going to parties because there is always a
lot of smoking and drinking going on. Since I no longer participate in
those activities, I felt less inclined to go. Baby came back with a large
piece of Black Forest B-day cake. It was delicious. After devouring that
piece of cake, I felt guilty for not going to the party.
Saturday May 3
Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! Well, I almost
missed out on the doughnuts. There was a birthday party in the clubhouse,
and the doughnuts were hidden in the kitchen. Baby went in and snaked one
for me, so I was not denied the doughnut experience. I have weaned myself
of the Fodgers robusta juice. I don't think that it was doing me any favors.
Baby and I went to Egghead Software later in the afternoon. Baby played
Windows Solitaire on one of those new Monorail computers. I looked around
for cheap software. Well, there is no such thing as cheap software. However,
I never seem to tire of Egghead. We went to the gym and later, after dinner,
we spent the evening at Border's. I indulged in more nerd reading. Baby
continued to peruse the endless selection of fashion periodicals. I also
did some research on the Mac System 7.5 OS because the PowerBook that baby
is using has a peculiar memory problem. I also did some reading on Windows
95, of course!
Sunday May 4
Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! I almost missed
out on the doughnut experience because the babes in the office did not
replenish the supply. Fortunately, baby went in and asked if they would
put out some doughnuts. So, the ol' lavahead was not denied his partially-hydrogenated
vegetable oil fix. Baby and I went to Border's again for the afternoon.
I continued my nerd research, but I began experiencing some kind of paranoia.
As it turned out, all I had to eat were two doughnuts and I was both hungry
and delirious. We went to Burger King and, after I ate a Whopper (my way,
of course!), I felt much better. I have been in a konkin' mood lately.
I bet you could guess that konk is a Pidgin English term.
Here's an example of its usage: "You like one konk on da head, or what?"
So, a konkin' mood is one in which a person wants to konk
everything in sight. As a bonus, I threw in one, yet another Pidgin
English favorite. Can you see its application? Here's another example:
"Eh, you get one car, or what?" Sheesh!
Monday May 5
After the gym, baby and I hurried back home. Her friend
was supposed to be over to work out in the clubhouse with baby. Apparently,
there was a little bit of a mix-up. Baby called her friend. She was still at home.
Her friend thought that she was just coming over to hottub after baby and I came
back from the gym. Her friend came by and she and baby went to hottub. I stayed
in and worked on my beloved computer again. Well, hey! I'm a computer nerd!
I neglected to mention the actual reason we rushed
home from the gym on Friday night. I wanted to see Cops. The tube
log in the newspaper detailed the first segment of Friday's episode as
... "Underwear-clad man fires a gun." The actual segment was disappointing.
Yes, some old guy was in his underwear. Yes, he was standing
on the roof. And, yes, he did have a small pistol. Unfortunately,
he was not firing it randomly like some kind of homicidal maniac. Isn't
that something? I was disappointed because the psycho wasn't shooting everything
in sight. Sheesh! Moms called last night and I talked with her for a while.
I became very homesick during the call. I wanted to talk with the bro but
he was in the shower at the time.
Tuesday May 6
drove to work in Sandy. I went along because I had to make my initial presentation
of the Web project to her boss. He was very pleased with the project, much
to my surprise. Baby and I had another misunderstanding during the drive
to Sandy which made the rest of the day somewhat tense. The details of
the incident are moot as I believe that the root of the problem was (once
again) the gender-biased interpretations that we assign to events. Babes
tend to personify things in intangible terms and guys tend to focus more
on the logistical details. The situation came to a head late in the afternoon.
However, we talked it out. We went to Burger King for dinner. Whoppers,
our way! And then, we spent the evening at Border's. While we are on the
subject of Whoppers, I should add that I ate two for dinner tonight. The
first was the best Whopper I have eaten in my entire life. It's kind of
hard to describe. Maybe I need a little help. Dan (firstname.lastname@example.org)
had a similar experience. He wrote, "Today I had the best Whopper(tm) ever
... it was from the Torrington, CT Burger King near the route 8 on-ramp
(not to the Information Superhighway ... just had to say it). Man, the
bun was fluffy but firm, the vegetables neatly sliced and fresh, the condiments
evenly and not too generously applied, and the meat cooked just right.
I didn't realize it while I was eating it (as I hadn't eaten since last
night), but that had to be the finest Whopper(tm) that I've ever eaten."
I couldn't have said it better.
I have been in a bad way, as you well know. Perhaps
that is why I have had such a short fuse lately. Maybe I am just losing
my mind. I was thinking to myself today, and the word "tremendous" somehow
came up. I tried spelling the word in my head, but I could not remember
how to spell it. I came up with "tremendace" and "tremandess." I became
very frustrated. Then, I became scared. I thought I was surely losing it.
After ten minutes of this nonsense, I finally figured out the spelling.
Am I going senile, or what?
Baby had a lunch appointment with a friend. I stayed
in and had Saimin for lunch. Saimin is the ideal lunch for me. I always
strive to make the perfect Saimin, although Saimin is just a bunch of noodles
in soup similar to Ramen. I wanted to do some on work on the development
workstation, but someone was playing Windows Solitaire on it. He finally
finished up his game at four o'clock. I had enough time to complete some
last-minute revisions to LoserNet. Now, all I need to do is find a new
site! I am wrapping up the Windows 95 conversion. I am a little disappointed
with it. Several applications crashed concurrently last night. I thought
that Windows 95 was much more fault-tolerant than Windows 3.1 and also
returned more memory resources to the system after closing applications.
I was wrong. Windows 95 and NT are now the pretty boys of the OS world.
We (i.e., computer nerds) need to play ball, or we'll be relegated to the
sandbox. I should have bought Linux instead. Sheesh!
Wednesday May 7
I took out my loan paperwork and perused that depressing
mess. I have no idea what I am going to do. I will have to initiate a series
of phone calls to find out what my options are. I read a short blurb in
a magazine at the gym this weekend. Apparently, there is a book written
by David Klein, in which he details a plan to refinance huge loans similar
to mine. Allegedly, the loan payments are negotiable and may even be lower
than the monthly accrued interest. The clincher is that, after 25 years
of making sub-minimum payments, one can default on the loan without
penalty. Needless to say, I have yet to find the book.
The sun was out today. I almost thought I was
in Cali. Sheesh! Baby sat out in the sun for a while. I spent some time
on the development workstation in the clubhouse. Baby had to take some
stuff over to her daughter's school for her daughter's B-day party. Baby
and I went to Burger King for lunch. Unfortunately, I received some untimely
correspondence concerning my loans and I could barely enjoy my Whopper.
The rest of the day reminded me of Summer. Baby got a haircut at a different
branch of the clip joint chain that Butch works at. I sat outside the café
next door sipping on good coffee and munching on a blueberry muffin. Later,
baby and I did get in some quality Windows Solitaire time, and we also
took a walk around the parking lot.
Thursday May 8
last Summer, I now have new demons to contend with. Or, perhaps, I am just
dealing with my old friend, the sinister force. I suppose I only have myself
to blame. You gotta love that line from Q in Star Trek: TNG. I,
like so many others, got caught up in leveraging my so-called future so
I could buy time in the present. The sinister force didn't make me do anything
against my will. It just presented me with a shiny object that looked like
a great opportunity. In time, the glossy façade wore off and the
ugly machinations we've come to know and love became evident. By then,
it was too late.
It was another beautiful day, and it was a scorcher!
Baby went back to the clip joint again to fix her haircut. The stylist
had cut the length of baby's hair when it was wet. Once dry, the cut did
not appear even. It actually wasn't the stylist's fault. In the meantime,
I walked to a local software store nearby that specializes in used software.
I looked for a copy of Microsoft Office 4.2 (the version that I use on
my beloved computer). There wasn't a single copy. I have seen it at CompUSA
for $499 new. Well, as you can guess, I am at the end of my rope. As pathetic
as it may seem, I will uninstall my old Office software and try to sell
it. If I can get $200 for Office, why not? I can get by with the cheaper
Microsoft Works software. I'm not getting the Office 95 upgrade. Frankly,
I rarely have seen anyone using the full capabilities of Office. Speaking
of my beloved computer, I have noticed a decrease in performance now that
I switched to Windows 95. I only have 8MB of memory, and I can tell that
I am relying too much on the virtual memory. Essentially, I need a new
Friday May 9
We also went to Target so that baby could purchase
rollerblades for her daughter's B-day present. We came back, and baby sat
out in the sun for a while. Then, we went to Safeway to buy some coldcuts
to make sandwiches for dinner since it was too hot to cook. Baby went
to visit her friend in the late afternoon. I continued working on my
beloved computer. We had cold sandwiches for dinner as planned, and
they certainly complemented the hot afternoon sun. After dinner, we went
to the clubhouse to watch Star Trek: DSN and get a short workout
in. The crew landed on a planet only to discover that the inhabitants are
their descendants. The episode was deeply poignant. I was overcome by sorrow
after we returned home. I cannot explain why. I will need to ponder this
further as something clearly hit home.
Have you noticed that I rarely talk about my beloved
cell phone anymore? Yeah, I almost forgot I even have it. I rarely turn
it on since I rarely get phone calls. Well, that was another of my useless
investments that would have been money better saved for paying back my
loan. Speaking of loans, I have decided to pay off whatever I can before
the repayment cycle begins. I will be left with about $200 to survive until
I find a job. Baha! Ha! Ha Ha! Haaaa! I won't even be able to afford the
registration for my beloved six-four when it comes due in September. I
will be in dire straits. Nonetheless, I plan to budget some dough to the
new site for LoserNet. I won't have an ISP, so it looks like LoserNet will
just be an archive. Everything is changing in my life and not much seems
to be heading in the right direction. I suppose that I will make it through
these new obstacles just as I've made it through the old ones. Things
never seem to get easier, though. The obstacles just become more cumbersome,
more complex and more fatiguing. By the way, thanks to Killian (email@example.com)
and Wilson (firstname.lastname@example.org) for writing in! Congratulations
to Kafka (email@example.com), who is now hosting a section on the
Mining Company site!
I was up late last night. I attempted to secure
a new location for LoserNet and also for baby's Web pages. As it stands,
we may become virtual neighbors to the competitor's journals. Sheesh! I
spent all day at the development workstation but I didn't do any work.
I played a marathon game of Windows Solitaire. Baby spent time outside
by the pool. Later, after dinner, baby dropped me off at Circuit City while
she and her daughter went to Party City to buy supplies for her daughter's
B-day party tomorrow. Baby takes these B-day events seriously whereas I
can take 'em or leave 'em. Looking at the new NEC notebook computers was
very depressing. My beloved NEC computer is so outdated by comparison.
I decided that I would listen to some CDs at the free listening stations.
That cheered me up. We came back in time to get in some workout time at
the clubhouse and catch the last part of a Steven Segal movie.
Saturday May 10
I have been trying to analyze what overcame me
last night after watching Star Trek: DSN. I think it had to do with
the concept of destiny. Maybe I can begin to understand what happened with
the Higher Source people better. I have always been enamored with the tranquil
appeal of Star Trek: TNG and its offshoots. I have become fatigued
with the cynical and trashy aspects of society as we know it. There is
harmony and order in Star Trek, just as may be found in a monastery.
I have oftentimes wondered what life would be like as a spirit being, not
being confined by a physical form in a material world. I guess the Higher
Source people were thinking along the same lines prior to shedding their
"containers." Strange things.
I spent all night preparing LoserNet for its new
home. Baby and her daughter put together some reciprocal presents for the
B-day party tomorrow. I managed to secure a free Web site in the same place
that the competitor's journals reside. Baby's Web pages will also be moving
there. I applied for more disk storage space, but somehow my credit card
information was rejected. Perhaps that is an omen for me to look elsewhere,
but I'm not sure where to take LoserNet. Every provider has a legal page
full of restrictions on what one can and cannot do. Actually, it's sickening
to think about how the Net has changed. I read a short interview in a Border's
pamphlet featuring Larry Ellison, CEO of Oracle. In it, he discusses why
the $500 NC (network computer) will replace the personal computer. He asks,
"How can there be an information age when 70 to 90 percent of the population
is disenfranchised?" Am I missing something here? It's bad enough that
we don't own the software we use. Now, big business is trying to sell us
the NC. What's worse is that the NC is being touted as the great equalizer
for the disenfranchised. I can already foresee that the NC is going to
be a big hit in the projects. Oh brother. I can just imagine how much it
will cost to download and use a working copy of "keyed" software on a per
event basis including the connect time with the network server or the Net
Sunday May 11
|Baby's daughter and I went to the clubhouse to
get doughnuts and watch The Tick this morning. However, the clubhouse
was decorated for a wedding reception later in the day. The Chimptm's
protégé was there, and he offered to get us some doughnuts from
the kitchen. Unfortunately, we were not able to watch The Tick because
the tube room was converted into the cake-cutting area. Baby and her daughter
spent some time outside by the pool. I spent all afternoon playing Windows
Solitaire. Yesterday, I was over $3,000 in the hole. Today, I was about
$1,000 ahead. Strange things. Yesterday, I felt debilitated and weak. Today,
I tried to exercise mind over matter. Of course, Windows Solitaire is not
exactly what I would call a worthwhile endeavor. Baby and her daughter
went to the skating rink for the B-day festivities. I can't say that I
wanted to be around a bunch of kids all afternoon. Perhaps Windows Solitaire
has more merit than I initially assumed. In a pathetic kind of way, it
is relaxing. I have been so stressed out about my finances that I don't
know what's what anymore. Later in the afternoon, I walked on the treadmill
and watched a couple of old episodes of Star Trek. Baby and her
daughter came back from the party and spent more time by the pool. Baby's friend
came by in the evening with her four daughters. They all were in baby's
daughter's room. Baby wants to give away all the stuff that her daughter
will not need in Hawai'i. Naturally, I stayed out of their way and played
with my beloved computer.
||Yesterday, I felt
debilitated and weak. Today, I tried to exercise mind over matter.
Trader Joe's Kauai coffee and doughnuts! I played
Windows Solitaire again. Today, I was losing miserably and I was demoralized.
Baby and I had a misunderstanding over the stupid Windows Solitaire game.
I exploded in a rage. Frankly, I am at wit's end. I walked to the Sisters
of St. Mary convent, which is just a few blocks away. I had too cool off
and do some thinking. St. Mary's is a pretty place. The spacious grounds
are nice and quiet, and there are very few people roaming about the natural
surroundings. I have wanted to walk there on many occasions. In retrospect,
I don't know why I never did.
Monday May 12
I believe that baby and I are at an impasse. I
have reviewed the numerous misunderstandings that we've had. I've noted
that the frequency of the incidents is increasing. I'm sure that a lot
of it has to do with my fragile mental state. I am a miserable and pathetic
soul. I am embittered by the situation I have created for myself. I have
been wondering about these journals, too. Why do I continue to write this
woeful tale? And, why am I even bothering to keep LoserNet alive? I have
begun composing what I perceive to be the final chapter of the journals.
I could then archive LoserNet on a free site and be done with it. I won't
even need an ISP. Simple, isn't it? That's how simple I want my life to
be. If your hand betrays you, cut it off. If your eye deceives you, pull
it out. Why do we all get caught up in endless loops just because we don't
want to let go? And, what are we holding on to anyway? It's just like the
scenario with my six-four. All it does is cause me grief and eat up dough
that I don't have.
I spent all day deliberating my finances. I have
been trying to develop the alternative scenarios in my head. "Plan A" calls
for me to pay off what I can immediately before the repayment period begins.
Then, all of the dough will be applied to the principle. Refinancing the
loans is "Plan B," the Dave Klein plan. Then, there is "Plan C." I can
begin the standard repayment and just hope for the best. I may be able
to squeeze out a year's worth of payments. A few days ago, I thought "Plan
A" was optimal. Now, I'm not so sure.
Tuesday May 13
I sent off letters to two employment agencies in
order to begin the registration process. I have had little success on my
own, so it's time to call in the big guns. Baby and I went to Egghead.
I was able to play with Microosoft Works. I will be replacing Office with
that simple application suite. Baby and I spent the evening walking around
the parking lot. Today may be the last nice day as there is a cooling trend
developing. There has been a heatwave for the last few days. Even the Chimptm
was outside tonight. He was dropping back a few brewskis with some of his
neighbors. Then, he went to see his squeeze. Oh brother.
I should have called the loan people to obtain
some information on "Plan B." I just didn't feel like it. Instead, I prepared
baby's Web pages for uploading to her new site. At least her site will
be archived even after she terminates her service with her ISP. LoserNet
will be next door to baby's site, but I'm not sure when I'll move there.
I have had second thoughts about relocating there. Unfortunately, my choices
are limited. Well, that's what happens with no dough! Baby and I briefly
walked on the treadmills in the clubhouse. Her friend came by, and she and baby
went hottubing. They came back within a few minutes. Apparently, someone
(who could it have been?) was filling the pool and left the water on. It
was overflowing and cooled off the hottub. The Chimptm
and his squeeze showed up to lock up the pool area. He had some work to
do, naturally, due to his own stupidity.
Wednesday May 14
I spent most of the day preparing LoserNet for
its tentative new home. I uploaded baby's Web pages last night. I am not
sure if LoserNet will make its permanent home there. So, I will upload
it as a mirror site temporarily. Within a week or so, I'll know whether
or not LoserNet should remain there. For all I know, I will be evicted
anyway. I played another marathon game of Windows Solitaire this afternoon.
I almost forgot that I was cooking dinner tonight until I heard baby knocking
at the door. The main part of the clubhouse was already closed, but I was
permitted to stay in the computer room. After dinner, we watched Star
Thursday May 15
I have been cooking many of the dinners and also
some of the easier entrées like Saimin. I enjoy cooking. In fact,
I was one of the few guys in my many circles of friends who knew how to
cook. So, guess who was asked to do the cooking at various functions? This,
coming from the guy who was eating Bush's baked beans straight from the
can every single day for over a year. Sheesh!
I received my weekly package from moms. She sent
me my mail and also mentioned in her letter that my bro is still out of
work. He has been watching the tube until the wee hours of the morning
and waking up late every day. I discovered that I have about $1,000 less
in my account than I thought I had. That kind of changes the perspective
of my various plans in dealing with my loan situation. Baby and I went
to two Goodwill stores today. The one in downtown Portland was the first
Goodwill Superstore I have ever seen. We spent some time in the computer
room later in the afternoon. Baby worked on updating her Web pages. I will
probably upload the files late tonight. I managed to upload most of my
files late last night, although I had a lot of trouble FTPing the files
to the new (tentative) site. That should have been a red flag. I am not
exactly overjoyed about relocating LoserNet at this point in time. When
you visit the new site, you will see what I mean.
Friday May 16
I have procrastinated for three days now. I was
supposed to call my creditors and see if I could get my loans consolidated
and refinanced as per "Plan B." I have been significantly demoralized that
I really do not want to make the call even though I can call anytime 24/7.
What does it all matter anyway? I am fretting over nothing because the
end result will be the same unless I can finagle a deal.
Baby had an appointment in downtown Portland.
I stayed in and finally made the dreaded phone call to the loan people.
I asked about refinancing my loan as per "Plan B." The person I was speaking
with was not able to give me any details, but she did give me a phone number.
I called the number and it turned out to be wrong. However, the person
on the line gave me another number to call. I called that number. An application
with full details is coming within a week or so. If I choose this option,
it will take up to three months before the application is processed. That
means I will be have to make normal scheduled payments to my present creditors
until the new loan takes effect. All in all, this whole process is a game.
Saturday May 17
Baby and I went to the gym this afternoon. Baby
gave the gym 30-day notice that we will be quitting. We did a short workout.
Then, it was time for Whoppers our way! My Whoppers had fresh onions in
them. Boy, they were good! However, the taste of the onions lingers on
for hours. We rushed home in time to watch a Dirty Harry classic, Sudden
Impact, down in the clubhouse. Baby did her cardio workout. I was on
the treadmill, but I can't say that I was really engaged in a cardio workout.
I was doing a brisk 0.7 miles per hour. Sheesh!
Kauai coffee and doughnuts! Baby sat outside by
the pool. I played a marathon game of Windows Solitaire. Baby wanted to
have a picnic, so we went to Safeway and picked up some food from the deli.
We ate our picnic lunch at St. Mary's. Then, we walked around the grounds.
We went to the gym and came home just in time to watch part of the original
Dirty Harry. After dinner, we spent the evening at Border's. As
usual, I read up on Windows 95. What a maroon!
Sunday May 18
I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for
my journey home to Hawai'i. Primarily, I have been trying to accept my
lot in life. I will be working at a peonage, doing very rote work. I will
most likely face a tyrannical and abusive management. My patience will
be tested time and time again. And, my immediate surroundings will only
serve to remind me that I am but a mere peon. I have worked hard to expand
my knowledge of computers in the hope of working in a technical environment.
Now, that knowledge will only serve as an outlet in contrast to the rudimentary
tasks I will have to perform at my so-called job. At least I will be able
to promote dendrite sprouting and I may be able to curb the effects of
job-related premature senility.
I am becoming much more concerned about my mental
health. I have not felt good for a long time and that is beginning to affect
my physical well-being. I can sense that I am on the verge of some kind
of violent emotional outburst. I have used up almost all of my spare resources
to suppress the rage. I am not sure how long I will be able to hold up.
I seriously believe that I need to spend some time in an institution. What
I sorely miss is some real peace and quiet. As I have mentioned before,
I have come to rely on my beloved computer as a diversion. However, it
has also become a viable conduit toward maintaining my sanity. I know that
sounds strange, but working with my computer has been quite therapeutic.
I can only wonder about the sheer number of people suffering from the same
quandary. Is this a "phase of life" or a "way of life" problem?
Monday May 19
close to cracking when baby and I had yet another misunderstanding. I recognize
that my fragile mental state has been at the root of the problem, although
I have had a different perspective of our interactions since the incident
at Cannon Beach last Summer. Each subsequent incident, whether my fault
or not, made me more obstinate and skeptical of the situation as a whole.
The dark side of my personality has finally wielded its ugly face. The
sinister force has won. I have inadvertently signed my name to its list
of allies. Where I go from here and how I redeem myself, I no longer know.
In some respects, I feel foolish and weak when I disclose this nonsense.
Mostly, I feel as though I let myself and everyone else down.
Baby and I will be going our separate ways. The
decision was pretty much mine, but I believe that this will be the best
solution for both of us. Whether she still wants to move to Hawai'i or
not, that will be up to her. She will be welcome to stay with my family
until she gets settled as we originally planned. I expect to be leaving
for Hawai'i sometime this week. The change in departure date will cost
$100, but I really have no business being here at this point. Our discussion
last night was less than amiable and there is no way to take back what
has been said. We have kept our distance today, for the most part. I played
Windows Solitaire for most of the day. That is all I feel like doing anymore.
Tuesday May 20
The Bull wrote recently. He will be back in retirement
soon. The working world is just not for him. The Bishop is apparently in
financial dire straits. Somehow, someone else's dough was being deposited
into the Bishop's checking account for the last two years. The situation
has caught up with him and he now owes a lot of dough. Frankly, I do not
understand how the Bishop thought he could get away with it. The Bishop
has also asked The Bull if he could move into The Bull's palatial manor.
The Bull refused.
Regardless of the situation, I will be completing
the final stages of LoserNet's relocation. Everything should be in place
before I leave. The redirection pages should expedite the transition. I
cannot be certain what will happen after that as I have not found a new
ISP yet. My life is a shambles as it has always been. LoserNet has been
a part of that life in recent years. I am committed to LoserNet, so you
always know that we'll be back sooner or later.
It appears that the new site is stable (i.e.,
LoserNet has not been evicted yet). I will be putting up the last of the
redirection pages very soon. Somehow I feel a sense of great loss. I know
that LoserNet will have a new home, but it has been at its present location
for over two years. LoserNet's move has also been a cause of duress for
me. Lord have mercy! I bought Works and installed it on my beloved computer.
It is a great office automation suite for only $50, yet it is remarkably
easy to use. I can hardly wait to uninstall Office.
Wednesday May 21
I called Hawai'ian Airlines to find out the earliest
day I can fly out of Portland. I wanted to fly on Thursday, but the flight
was full. So, the earliest day out is Friday. I can't say that I feel really
great about all of this. However, my sanity has been taken through the
wringer and I cannot see what good staying here will do. Given the fact
that I am not a very socially-oriented person to begin with, you can just
imagine what I am like when I feel as though my whole world is collapsing.
You know, I'm not much of a conversationalist either. I prefer silence.
I mentioned before that my Uncle Mike was a hermit. He lived out in the
country on the Big Island. One day, he discovered that he couldn't talk.
He had been immersed in silence for so long that he lost his mind and his
ability to talk. Somehow he made it to town and staggered into one of the
shops. He had to write on a piece of a paper that he needed help. Uncle
Mike was always my favorite uncle. In fact, I kind of resemble him, too.
I played another marathon game of Windows Solitaire
today. Baby met her friend for lunch. When she returned, she ran a few errands.
I went along for the ride. We picked up her suitcase from the locksmith.
She had lost the key a while back. Then, we went to Washington Square so
she could take her watch in to the jewelry store to have the battery replaced.
We picked up some Chinese food at the Safeway deli so we could have a quick
dinner. Baby went to a meeting after dinner. I stayed in and worked on
my beloved computer. I have been adding some updated Windows 95 modules.
I had a scare because I thought I disabled my TCP/IP junks. I had
installed a SLIP driver last night and nothing seemed to be working. I
had to rebind my TCP/IP to the dial-up junks. Everything worked
fine after that. Tonight was the season finalé of Star Trek:
Voyager, so I couldn't miss that. Baby returned in time to watch most
of it, too.
Thursday May 22
Moms informed me via letter that my bro is still
unemployed. Moms seems to think that the atmosphere may be a little stressful.
It can only get worse when I return and there will be two of us with nothing
to do. My bro was counting on being called back by his employer within
two weeks. So far, he has been waiting a month for that call.
I helped baby recycle all the paperwork that she
had accumulated. It is amazing to see how much useless junks we
collect over the years. We have been programmed to archive seven years
of personal data just in case. Just in case of what? A flood? I had boxes
of old paperwork, myself, and all of it ended up in the recycling bin.
Baby went to a Moody Blues concert in Portland with a friend. I played Windows
Solitaire on the computer in the clubhouse until it was time for the season
finalé of Star Trek: DSN. I don't like going out anymore.
I especially do not like being in noisy crowds of unruly people. Music
is no longer important to me either. I prefer silence. I am coming frighteningly
close to assimilating my Uncle Mike's persona.
Friday May 23
I have calmed down considerably since the early
part of the week. However, it is not business as usual. I have many reservations
about resuming the old relationship that baby and I had. I think we both
need to step back and re-evaluate the situation. Baby is still firmly committed
to moving to Hawai'i. I am also reconsidering my hasty decision to fly
back this week. The main reason is that I want to help baby move. I am
allowed a certain amount of luggage on the plane, so I intentionally traveled
light in order to carry back some of her things. Well, the clock is ticking
and there is still a lot to do.
I played yet another round of Windows Solitaire.
Baby had an appointment at noon. She also wanted to drop a few more things
off at her friend's consignment shop. When baby returned, we ate a very late lunch.
Then, we played FreeCell on the community computer (i.e., development workstation)
for several hours. FreeCell is the new fad as far as the Solitaire genre
is concerned. It is a very challenging game and seems to enhance one's
conceptual problem-solving abilities. FreeCell is also a time killer.
Saturday May 24
We managed to squeeze in a little gym time. Our
workouts have gotten shorter. I have not been able to get very excited
about working out ... well, not as excited as I get when I play with my
beloved computer. Sheesh! I'm becoming a little worried about my fixation
with computers. I discovered the other day that I was having trouble spelling
more words. I can pinpoint this phenomena to my limited scope of reading
materials. I only read technical books and periodicals, computer catalogs
and nerd literature. I had originally thought that I was going senile.
That possibility cannot be overlooked, though.
Kauai coffee and muffins! There's nothing like
a good blueberry muffin, eh? And, lunch was at Burger King. Whoppers, our
way! We went back to the Washington Square Mall to pick up baby's watch
from the jewelry store. We ran a few other errands. We came back in time
to watch Star Trek: TNG and do our cardio routine in the clubhouse.
Then, we ran over to Safeway and picked up some Chinese food from the deli.
We had to eat quick because Star Trek VI: Undiscovered Country was
on. Well, at least that provided an excuse for us to do yet another hour
of cardio. Sheesh!
Sunday May 25
My stomach has been acting up for the last few
days. I have had very painful stomach cramps. I think that the stress is
getting to me. I have been pondering my financial plight and I have decided
to stick with a modified "Plan A." I will pay out as much as I can, but
I won't leave myself vulnerable by not allowing for a significant buffer.
I also have my car insurance and credit card bill to pay. Welcome to the
Monsoon Malabar and muffins! I managed to get
the last muffin. It was a chocolate chip muffin. I did not find it pleasing
to the palate. Baby played FreeCell while I assisted. I then played a short
game of Windows Solitaire. Lunch was at Burger King again. Can you guess
what we had? Did you say, "Whoppers, our way!"? Well, you guessed correct!
There is nothing like a Whopper, my way. I could eat Whoppers every day.
Sheesh! Of course, nothing could augment the Whopper experience like a
visit to Egghead Software (which we did). We also made it to the gym for
a brief workout. Baby's friend was supposed to come by and hottub with baby, but
she fell asleep at home. So, baby and I watched Hawai'i Five-O in
the clubhouse and did a little more cardio.
Monday May 26
|I wrote out the largest check I have ever written
in my life as per "Plan A." The amount was for $11,500 and it will pay
off only 24 percent of my loan principle. I have enough left to survive
for about three months at home. After that, I'll have hella more to worry
about than an upset stomach. I also wrote out a check for my car insurance.
Yep, I almost forgot about my poor six-four. It is sitting in Hawai'i,
no doubt rusting away as we speak. It looks as though I will be staying
in Oregon until June 8th as planned. That is now less than two weeks away.
Baby was busy packing away some things. I have a few things to square away,
too. I will finish relocating LoserNet and hopefully find a new ISP. I
have been using Works. What a great program! I was playing with the Task
Wizard last night. It took only a few second to design the basic layout
of a really nice résumé. I was amazed.
||After that, I'll
have hella more to worry about than an upset stomach.
Since today was a holiday, the computer room was
closed. So, baby and I did not have the luxury of hours of FreeCell fun.
Baby visited her friend for most of the afternoon. I worked on my
résumé for a short period of time until I was distracted
by some rather mundane Windows 95 utility programs. My beloved computer
has locked up five times since yesterday so I was a little preoccupied.
I ran the RegClean utility in the hope that it would clean up my Windows
95 Registry. I suspected that the Registry was the culprit for a few problems.
Later, baby and I went out and looked for boxes. We only found one small
one, which I will use to ship my newly acquired software. It is difficult
to find empty boxes. Most stores have a policy of cutting up the empty
boxes and baling the cardboard immediately.
Tuesday May 27
We watched the original pilot of Hawai'i Five-O
in the clubhouse while getting in a little cardiovascular exercise. Her friend
came by and joined us. Then, her friend and baby went hottubbing. I watched the
rest of Hawai'i Five-O. Book 'em, Danno! Well, now that Star
Trek is in reruns, we will be watching all of the old Hawai'i Five-O
episodes. Before I forget, thanks to Kate (firstname.lastname@example.org) and Tamae
(email@example.com) for writing in!
Baby and I went out looking for boxes again. We
inquired at several stores. On a whim, we went to Magnolia Hi-Fi. A sales guy
gave us two large boxes. We took them home and began packing. Baby believes
that she can move everything in three or four boxes. I kind of doubt it
because I thought the same thing when I was moving. Boy, was I wrong. I
broiled up the Chinook Salmon Steaks for dinner. They turned out excellent.
After dinner, we rushed to the clubhouse to watch Hawai'i Five-O,
but we were an hour early. Well, at least we got in an extra hour of cardio.
Wednesday May 28
My beloved computer froze up again. I'm beginning
to wonder whether there is a virus present. I had to run it in "Safe Mode"
so I could compose my journal. Speaking of the journal, it will be completely
moved to the new site by next Monday. It's kind of hard to believe that
I will no longer need to log on to my beloved AIX account. In fact, I won't
have to worry about logging on to any account. I still don't have a new
It was raining and humid all day, which almost
made me feel as though I was already back in Hawai'i. I worked on a few
revisions and corrections to the LoserNet Supersite. I did the work on
the community computer (aka development workstation). I want to get all
of it out of the way before I leave since I don't have some of the software
on my beloved computer. Baby took another load of stuff to her friend's shop.
The rest of the day was the usual routine. You know the drill. And, let's
not forget Hawai'i Five-O, eh?
Thursday May 29
I am not exactly sure whether I am excited about
my return to Hawai'i. Not much seems to excite me these days. The only
true enjoyment I've had lately was using my new Works program. Sad, isn't
it? In a matter of days, I'll be paying the piper, as it were. Of course,
I can't help but wonder how I've pulled off this charade of a life for
so long. Was I cursed to spend my endless idle time lamenting at the Wailing
Wall? Or, was I blessed with ample time to search out my call in life?
It is all in the eyes of the beholder.
I read a disturbing article in the paper yesterday.
In essence, an Associated Press survey found that 76 of the top 100 companies
are unwilling to hire the disenfranchised. The punchline is that we are
in a supposedly booming economy right now. Companies aren't interested
in putting people to work. They just want to grab the quickest profits
through every possible loophole and run. We have established a corporate
republic which seems to have no sense of morality. People have become like
roaches. Jobs can be likened to Roach Motels ... you can check in but you
can't check out! What is it all worth? I don't even profess to know.
I have been editing my Windows 95 Registry. Obviously,
I have nothing better to do. I have been slowly deleting useless stuff
although I had no idea what I was doing. Baby cancelled her plans to go
to work, so she and I went to Border's. I did some research on the Windows
Registry. Later, I downloaded two more utilities from the Microsoft site
in order to better facilitate the editing of the Registry. So far, so good.
The computer has not crashed yet. I have no idea why I have been so preoccupied
with Windows 95. This knowledge will get me nowhere. Of course, when compared
with the rest of my life, the computer is much easier to fix. I have also
installed the utilities on the community computer. Just in case anything
happen, I can rely upon it as a backup.
Friday May 30
I neglected to mention that I read the competitor's
journal aloud again on Tuesday evening while baby played FreeCell. Now
that all of us reside in the same virtual neighborhood, the event had even
more significance. Baby checked her Web page statistics last night and
she noticed a pronounced increase in her readership. She seems to believe
that the link on the LoserNet main Web page may be responsible. I'm not
so sure since LoserNet's readership is embarrassingly low.
Just another Windows Solitaire kind of a day.
Sheesh! Baby drove to work in Sandy. We ran a few errands later in the
afternoon. I cooked some kind of concoction for dinner. Actually, I was
winging it. I'm surprised that we didn't need to get our stomachs pumped.
We watched Hawai'i Five-O and called it a day.
Saturday May 31
It is hard to believe that two months have already
gone by. I will be flying back home in one week, and the real fun will
begin. My bro is still unemployed from what I can tell. Moms has not mentioned
anything to the contrary. I am trying to get myself psyched up for what
lies ahead. After all, I have managed to preempt my life for another two
months. What is another two months when compared to the last forty-plus
years of loafing that I have been engaged in? Perhaps I am ready to assume
my duties at Burger King. I'll take the all-beef patty out from the charbroiler
with a pair of tongs. Then, I will put the patty in between the two slices
of the sesame seed bun. I'll add the condiments as per your specifications.
Voilá! A Whopper, your way ... made by the ol' lavahead!
Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! I almost did not
get any doughnuts this morning because the clubhouse was being decorated
for a private party. Fortunately, baby was able to abscond a cinnamon roll
for me. I fooled around with my Windows 95 Registry all afternoon. I installed
Microsoft Exchange, but I didn't like it. Actually, this was the second
time I installed Exchange, and this was the second time I didn't like it.
I went into the Registry and permanently removed all traces of Exchange.
I won't be installing it again. Baby and I watched Star Trek and
did our cardio workout in the clubhouse. We then went to the gym to do
a short weight circuit. Dinner? Whoppers, our way, of course! Her friend came
by, and she and baby went hottubbing. Guess what I did? Can you say, "Windows
Lost in Time
Baby tried to make her plane reservations today.
She discovered that there weren't too many spaces available. Right now,
she has a choice of flying out on Saturday June 14 or the following Thursday.
Baby has been packing things away steadily. She has discovered that her
original estimation of two boxes of stuff was a tad bit conservative.
I received the information I requested as per "Plan
B." As it turns out, Dave Klein was correct. I should not have made the
balloon payment that I did, but I feel better about doing it that way.
Maybe I am too old-fashioned for my own good. Anyone in his (or her) right
mind would have kept the dough, negotiated an unusually low monthly payment
and let the interest accrue and capitalize. In year 25, it all gets discharged
anyway. Can you see why I am never going to make it in my lifetime?
The Keeper of Lost Lives: To Tofu ... With Love, Julie Newmar
The Keeper of Lost Lives ... Tralfaz
Moms ... Herself
Baby ... Herself
And a cast of thousands!
© Copyright 1997 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.