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to tofu ...
	with love,

Thursday May 1, 1997

I spent more time at the developmental workstation (the community computer). Baby had scheduled a lunch appointment, so I had most of the afternoon to work on the finishing touches of the Highest Source project. I decided to take a break and work on my beloved computer. I am trying to make the big switch from my old 16-bit Windows 3.1 TCP/IP stuff to the 32-bit Windows 95 equivalent. In the meantime, I am still using Trumpet Winsock.

After dinner, we drove to Washington Square. Baby dropped me off at CompUSA, and then she and her daughter went shopping at Toys 'R Us. I was in CompUSA for over two hours. I didn't realize that the time had gone by so quickly. I had fun looking at all the computers and all the software, none of which I can afford. Now, that's what I call a good time!

When I woke up this morning, I felt as if someone had ironed my head. Baby had a noon appointment. I stayed in and continued working on my beloved computer. We went to Burger King for lunch after baby returned. I had a Whopper, my way. Baby had a Whopper Jr., her way. Baby decided that she would start eating the smaller Whopper in the spirit of her new fitness agenda. Of course, we went to the gym to work out. Baby did her walking lunge routine. And, I introduced her to the inverted leg press machine. She was hurtin' after that. I watched a portion of Star Trek: In Search of Spock on the tube at the gym. Baby found me in the tube room and joined me. We had to return home before eight o' clock. Baby had to get ready to go to her friend's B-day party. I stayed in and worked on my beloved computer. I hate going to parties because there is always a lot of smoking and drinking going on. Since I no longer participate in those activities, I felt less inclined to go. Baby came back with a large piece of Black Forest B-day cake. It was delicious. After devouring that piece of cake, I felt guilty for not going to the party.

Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! Well, I almost missed out on the doughnuts. There was a birthday party in the clubhouse, and the doughnuts were hidden in the kitchen. Baby went in and snaked one for me, so I was not denied the doughnut experience. I have weaned myself of the Fodgers robusta juice. I don't think that it was doing me any favors. Baby and I went to Egghead Software later in the afternoon. Baby played Windows Solitaire on one of those new Monorail computers. I looked around for cheap software. Well, there is no such thing as cheap software. However, I never seem to tire of Egghead. We went to the gym and later, after dinner, we spent the evening at Border's. I indulged in more nerd reading. Baby continued to peruse the endless selection of fashion periodicals. I also did some research on the Mac System 7.5 OS because the PowerBook that baby is using has a peculiar memory problem. I also did some reading on Windows 95, of course!

Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! I almost missed out on the doughnut experience because the babes in the office did not replenish the supply. Fortunately, baby went in and asked if they would put out some doughnuts. So, the ol' lavahead was not denied his partially-hydrogenated vegetable oil fix. Baby and I went to Border's again for the afternoon. I continued my nerd research, but I began experiencing some kind of paranoia. As it turned out, all I had to eat were two doughnuts and I was both hungry and delirious. We went to Burger King and, after I ate a Whopper (my way, of course!), I felt much better. I have been in a konkin' mood lately. I bet you could guess that konk is a Pidgin English term. Here's an example of its usage: "You like one konk on da head, or what?" So, a konkin' mood is one in which a person wants to konk everything in sight. As a bonus, I threw in one, yet another Pidgin English favorite. Can you see its application? Here's another example: "Eh, you get one car, or what?" Sheesh!

After the gym, baby and I hurried back home. Her friend was supposed to be over to work out in the clubhouse with baby. Apparently, there was a little bit of a mix-up. Baby called her friend. She was still at home. Her friend thought that she was just coming over to hottub after baby and I came back from the gym. Her friend came by and she and baby went to hottub. I stayed in and worked on my beloved computer again. Well, hey! I'm a computer nerd!

I neglected to mention the actual reason we rushed home from the gym on Friday night. I wanted to see Cops. The tube log in the newspaper detailed the first segment of Friday's episode as ... "Underwear-clad man fires a gun." The actual segment was disappointing. Yes, some old guy was in his underwear. Yes, he was standing on the roof. And, yes, he did have a small pistol. Unfortunately, he was not firing it randomly like some kind of homicidal maniac. Isn't that something? I was disappointed because the psycho wasn't shooting everything in sight. Sheesh! Moms called last night and I talked with her for a while. I became very homesick during the call. I wanted to talk with the bro but he was in the shower at the time.

 Baby drove to work in Sandy. I went along because I had to make my initial presentation of the Web project to her boss. He was very pleased with the project, much to my surprise. Baby and I had another misunderstanding during the drive to Sandy which made the rest of the day somewhat tense. The details of the incident are moot as I believe that the root of the problem was (once again) the gender-biased interpretations that we assign to events. Babes tend to personify things in intangible terms and guys tend to focus more on the logistical details. The situation came to a head late in the afternoon. However, we talked it out. We went to Burger King for dinner. Whoppers, our way! And then, we spent the evening at Border's. While we are on the subject of Whoppers, I should add that I ate two for dinner tonight. The first was the best Whopper I have eaten in my entire life. It's kind of hard to describe. Maybe I need a little help. Dan (chesson@scsud.ctstateu.edu) had a similar experience. He wrote, "Today I had the best Whopper(tm) ever ... it was from the Torrington, CT Burger King near the route 8 on-ramp (not to the Information Superhighway ... just had to say it). Man, the bun was fluffy but firm, the vegetables neatly sliced and fresh, the condiments evenly and not too generously applied, and the meat cooked just right. I didn't realize it while I was eating it (as I hadn't eaten since last night), but that had to be the finest Whopper(tm) that I've ever eaten." I couldn't have said it better.

I have been in a bad way, as you well know. Perhaps that is why I have had such a short fuse lately. Maybe I am just losing my mind. I was thinking to myself today, and the word "tremendous" somehow came up. I tried spelling the word in my head, but I could not remember how to spell it. I came up with "tremendace" and "tremandess." I became very frustrated. Then, I became scared. I thought I was surely losing it. After ten minutes of this nonsense, I finally figured out the spelling. Am I going senile, or what?

Baby had a lunch appointment with a friend. I stayed in and had Saimin for lunch. Saimin is the ideal lunch for me. I always strive to make the perfect Saimin, although Saimin is just a bunch of noodles in soup similar to Ramen. I wanted to do some on work on the development workstation, but someone was playing Windows Solitaire on it. He finally finished up his game at four o'clock. I had enough time to complete some last-minute revisions to LoserNet. Now, all I need to do is find a new site! I am wrapping up the Windows 95 conversion. I am a little disappointed with it. Several applications crashed concurrently last night. I thought that Windows 95 was much more fault-tolerant than Windows 3.1 and also returned more memory resources to the system after closing applications. I was wrong. Windows 95 and NT are now the pretty boys of the OS world. We (i.e., computer nerds) need to play ball, or we'll be relegated to the sandbox. I should have bought Linux instead. Sheesh!

I took out my loan paperwork and perused that depressing mess. I have no idea what I am going to do. I will have to initiate a series of phone calls to find out what my options are. I read a short blurb in a magazine at the gym this weekend. Apparently, there is a book written by David Klein, in which he details a plan to refinance huge loans similar to mine. Allegedly, the loan payments are negotiable and may even be lower than the monthly accrued interest. The clincher is that, after 25 years of making sub-minimum payments, one can default on the loan without penalty. Needless to say, I have yet to find the book.

The sun was out today. I almost thought I was in Cali. Sheesh! Baby sat out in the sun for a while. I spent some time on the development workstation in the clubhouse. Baby had to take some stuff over to her daughter's school for her daughter's B-day party. Baby and I went to Burger King for lunch. Unfortunately, I received some untimely correspondence concerning my loans and I could barely enjoy my Whopper. The rest of the day reminded me of Summer. Baby got a haircut at a different branch of the clip joint chain that Butch works at. I sat outside the café next door sipping on good coffee and munching on a blueberry muffin. Later, baby and I did get in some quality Windows Solitaire time, and we also took a walk around the parking lot.

Unlike last Summer, I now have new demons to contend with. Or, perhaps, I am just dealing with my old friend, the sinister force. I suppose I only have myself to blame. You gotta love that line from Q in Star Trek: TNG. I, like so many others, got caught up in leveraging my so-called future so I could buy time in the present. The sinister force didn't make me do anything against my will. It just presented me with a shiny object that looked like a great opportunity. In time, the glossy façade wore off and the ugly machinations we've come to know and love became evident. By then, it was too late.

It was another beautiful day, and it was a scorcher! Baby went back to the clip joint again to fix her haircut. The stylist had cut the length of baby's hair when it was wet. Once dry, the cut did not appear even. It actually wasn't the stylist's fault. In the meantime, I walked to a local software store nearby that specializes in used software. I looked for a copy of Microsoft Office 4.2 (the version that I use on my beloved computer). There wasn't a single copy. I have seen it at CompUSA for $499 new. Well, as you can guess, I am at the end of my rope. As pathetic as it may seem, I will uninstall my old Office software and try to sell it. If I can get $200 for Office, why not? I can get by with the cheaper Microsoft Works software. I'm not getting the Office 95 upgrade. Frankly, I rarely have seen anyone using the full capabilities of Office. Speaking of my beloved computer, I have noticed a decrease in performance now that I switched to Windows 95. I only have 8MB of memory, and I can tell that I am relying too much on the virtual memory. Essentially, I need a new computer. Sheesh!

We also went to Target so that baby could purchase rollerblades for her daughter's B-day present. We came back, and baby sat out in the sun for a while. Then, we went to Safeway to buy some coldcuts to make sandwiches for dinner since it was too hot to cook. Baby went to visit her friend in the late afternoon. I continued working on my beloved computer. We had cold sandwiches for dinner as planned, and they certainly complemented the hot afternoon sun. After dinner, we went to the clubhouse to watch Star Trek: DSN and get a short workout in. The crew landed on a planet only to discover that the inhabitants are their descendants. The episode was deeply poignant. I was overcome by sorrow after we returned home. I cannot explain why. I will need to ponder this further as something clearly hit home.

Have you noticed that I rarely talk about my beloved cell phone anymore? Yeah, I almost forgot I even have it. I rarely turn it on since I rarely get phone calls. Well, that was another of my useless investments that would have been money better saved for paying back my loan. Speaking of loans, I have decided to pay off whatever I can before the repayment cycle begins. I will be left with about $200 to survive until I find a job. Baha! Ha! Ha Ha! Haaaa! I won't even be able to afford the registration for my beloved six-four when it comes due in September. I will be in dire straits. Nonetheless, I plan to budget some dough to the new site for LoserNet. I won't have an ISP, so it looks like LoserNet will just be an archive. Everything is changing in my life and not much seems to be heading in the right direction. I suppose that I will make it through these new obstacles just as I've made it through the old ones. Things never seem to get easier, though. The obstacles just become more cumbersome, more complex and more fatiguing. By the way, thanks to Killian (killianf@indigo.ie) and Wilson (wilson-t@worldnet.att.net) for writing in! Congratulations to Kafka (kafka@paranoia.com), who is now hosting a section on the Mining Company site!

I was up late last night. I attempted to secure a new location for LoserNet and also for baby's Web pages. As it stands, we may become virtual neighbors to the competitor's journals. Sheesh! I spent all day at the development workstation but I didn't do any work. I played a marathon game of Windows Solitaire. Baby spent time outside by the pool. Later, after dinner, baby dropped me off at Circuit City while she and her daughter went to Party City to buy supplies for her daughter's B-day party tomorrow. Baby takes these B-day events seriously whereas I can take 'em or leave 'em. Looking at the new NEC notebook computers was very depressing. My beloved NEC computer is so outdated by comparison. I decided that I would listen to some CDs at the free listening stations. That cheered me up. We came back in time to get in some workout time at the clubhouse and catch the last part of a Steven Segal movie.

I have been trying to analyze what overcame me last night after watching Star Trek: DSN. I think it had to do with the concept of destiny. Maybe I can begin to understand what happened with the Higher Source people better. I have always been enamored with the tranquil appeal of Star Trek: TNG and its offshoots. I have become fatigued with the cynical and trashy aspects of society as we know it. There is harmony and order in Star Trek, just as may be found in a monastery. I have oftentimes wondered what life would be like as a spirit being, not being confined by a physical form in a material world. I guess the Higher Source people were thinking along the same lines prior to shedding their "containers." Strange things.

I spent all night preparing LoserNet for its new home. Baby and her daughter put together some reciprocal presents for the B-day party tomorrow. I managed to secure a free Web site in the same place that the competitor's journals reside. Baby's Web pages will also be moving there. I applied for more disk storage space, but somehow my credit card information was rejected. Perhaps that is an omen for me to look elsewhere, but I'm not sure where to take LoserNet. Every provider has a legal page full of restrictions on what one can and cannot do. Actually, it's sickening to think about how the Net has changed. I read a short interview in a Border's pamphlet featuring Larry Ellison, CEO of Oracle. In it, he discusses why the $500 NC (network computer) will replace the personal computer. He asks, "How can there be an information age when 70 to 90 percent of the population is disenfranchised?" Am I missing something here? It's bad enough that we don't own the software we use. Now, big business is trying to sell us the NC. What's worse is that the NC is being touted as the great equalizer for the disenfranchised. I can already foresee that the NC is going to be a big hit in the projects. Oh brother. I can just imagine how much it will cost to download and use a working copy of "keyed" software on a per event basis including the connect time with the network server or the Net itself. Sheesh!
 

Baby's daughter and I went to the clubhouse to get doughnuts and watch The Tick this morning. However, the clubhouse was decorated for a wedding reception later in the day. The Chimptm's protégé was there, and he offered to get us some doughnuts from the kitchen. Unfortunately, we were not able to watch The Tick because the tube room was converted into the cake-cutting area. Baby and her daughter spent some time outside by the pool. I spent all afternoon playing Windows Solitaire. Yesterday, I was over $3,000 in the hole. Today, I was about $1,000 ahead. Strange things. Yesterday, I felt debilitated and weak. Today, I tried to exercise mind over matter. Of course, Windows Solitaire is not exactly what I would call a worthwhile endeavor. Baby and her daughter went to the skating rink for the B-day festivities. I can't say that I wanted to be around a bunch of kids all afternoon. Perhaps Windows Solitaire has more merit than I initially assumed. In a pathetic kind of way, it is relaxing. I have been so stressed out about my finances that I don't know what's what anymore. Later in the afternoon, I walked on the treadmill and watched a couple of old episodes of Star Trek. Baby and her daughter came back from the party and spent more time by the pool. Baby's friend came by in the evening with her four daughters. They all were in baby's daughter's room. Baby wants to give away all the stuff that her daughter will not need in Hawai'i. Naturally, I stayed out of their way and played with my beloved computer.

Yesterday, I felt debilitated and weak. Today, I tried to exercise mind over matter.

Trader Joe's Kauai coffee and doughnuts! I played Windows Solitaire again. Today, I was losing miserably and I was demoralized. Baby and I had a misunderstanding over the stupid Windows Solitaire game. I exploded in a rage. Frankly, I am at wit's end. I walked to the Sisters of St. Mary convent, which is just a few blocks away. I had too cool off and do some thinking. St. Mary's is a pretty place. The spacious grounds are nice and quiet, and there are very few people roaming about the natural surroundings. I have wanted to walk there on many occasions. In retrospect, I don't know why I never did.

I believe that baby and I are at an impasse. I have reviewed the numerous misunderstandings that we've had. I've noted that the frequency of the incidents is increasing. I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with my fragile mental state. I am a miserable and pathetic soul. I am embittered by the situation I have created for myself. I have been wondering about these journals, too. Why do I continue to write this woeful tale? And, why am I even bothering to keep LoserNet alive? I have begun composing what I perceive to be the final chapter of the journals. I could then archive LoserNet on a free site and be done with it. I won't even need an ISP. Simple, isn't it? That's how simple I want my life to be. If your hand betrays you, cut it off. If your eye deceives you, pull it out. Why do we all get caught up in endless loops just because we don't want to let go? And, what are we holding on to anyway? It's just like the scenario with my six-four. All it does is cause me grief and eat up dough that I don't have.

I spent all day deliberating my finances. I have been trying to develop the alternative scenarios in my head. "Plan A" calls for me to pay off what I can immediately before the repayment period begins. Then, all of the dough will be applied to the principle. Refinancing the loans is "Plan B," the Dave Klein plan. Then, there is "Plan C." I can begin the standard repayment and just hope for the best. I may be able to squeeze out a year's worth of payments. A few days ago, I thought "Plan A" was optimal. Now, I'm not so sure.

I sent off letters to two employment agencies in order to begin the registration process. I have had little success on my own, so it's time to call in the big guns. Baby and I went to Egghead. I was able to play with Microosoft Works. I will be replacing Office with that simple application suite. Baby and I spent the evening walking around the parking lot. Today may be the last nice day as there is a cooling trend developing. There has been a heatwave for the last few days. Even the Chimp^tm was outside tonight. He was dropping back a few brewskis with some of his neighbors. Then, he went to see his squeeze. Oh brother.

I should have called the loan people to obtain some information on "Plan B." I just didn't feel like it. Instead, I prepared baby's Web pages for uploading to her new site. At least her site will be archived even after she terminates her service with her ISP. LoserNet will be next door to baby's site, but I'm not sure when I'll move there. I have had second thoughts about relocating there. Unfortunately, my choices are limited. Well, that's what happens with no dough! Baby and I briefly walked on the treadmills in the clubhouse. Her friend came by, and she and baby went hottubing. They came back within a few minutes. Apparently, someone (who could it have been?) was filling the pool and left the water on. It was overflowing and cooled off the hottub. The Chimp^tm and his squeeze showed up to lock up the pool area. He had some work to do, naturally, due to his own stupidity.

I spent most of the day preparing LoserNet for its tentative new home. I uploaded baby's Web pages last night. I am not sure if LoserNet will make its permanent home there. So, I will upload it as a mirror site temporarily. Within a week or so, I'll know whether or not LoserNet should remain there. For all I know, I will be evicted anyway. I played another marathon game of Windows Solitaire this afternoon. I almost forgot that I was cooking dinner tonight until I heard baby knocking at the door. The main part of the clubhouse was already closed, but I was permitted to stay in the computer room. After dinner, we watched Star Trek: DSN.

I have been cooking many of the dinners and also some of the easier entrées like Saimin. I enjoy cooking. In fact, I was one of the few guys in my many circles of friends who knew how to cook. So, guess who was asked to do the cooking at various functions? This, coming from the guy who was eating Bush's baked beans straight from the can every single day for over a year. Sheesh!

I received my weekly package from moms. She sent me my mail and also mentioned in her letter that my bro is still out of work. He has been watching the tube until the wee hours of the morning and waking up late every day. I discovered that I have about $1,000 less in my account than I thought I had. That kind of changes the perspective of my various plans in dealing with my loan situation. Baby and I went to two Goodwill stores today. The one in downtown Portland was the first Goodwill Superstore I have ever seen. We spent some time in the computer room later in the afternoon. Baby worked on updating her Web pages. I will probably upload the files late tonight. I managed to upload most of my files late last night, although I had a lot of trouble FTPing the files to the new (tentative) site. That should have been a red flag. I am not exactly overjoyed about relocating LoserNet at this point in time. When you visit the new site, you will see what I mean.

I have procrastinated for three days now. I was supposed to call my creditors and see if I could get my loans consolidated and refinanced as per "Plan B." I have been significantly demoralized that I really do not want to make the call even though I can call anytime 24/7. What does it all matter anyway? I am fretting over nothing because the end result will be the same unless I can finagle a deal.

Baby had an appointment in downtown Portland. I stayed in and finally made the dreaded phone call to the loan people. I asked about refinancing my loan as per "Plan B." The person I was speaking with was not able to give me any details, but she did give me a phone number. I called the number and it turned out to be wrong. However, the person on the line gave me another number to call. I called that number. An application with full details is coming within a week or so. If I choose this option, it will take up to three months before the application is processed. That means I will be have to make normal scheduled payments to my present creditors until the new loan takes effect. All in all, this whole process is a game.

Baby and I went to the gym this afternoon. Baby gave the gym 30-day notice that we will be quitting. We did a short workout. Then, it was time for Whoppers our way! My Whoppers had fresh onions in them. Boy, they were good! However, the taste of the onions lingers on for hours. We rushed home in time to watch a Dirty Harry classic, Sudden Impact, down in the clubhouse. Baby did her cardio workout. I was on the treadmill, but I can't say that I was really engaged in a cardio workout. I was doing a brisk 0.7 miles per hour. Sheesh!

Kauai coffee and doughnuts! Baby sat outside by the pool. I played a marathon game of Windows Solitaire. Baby wanted to have a picnic, so we went to Safeway and picked up some food from the deli. We ate our picnic lunch at St. Mary's. Then, we walked around the grounds. We went to the gym and came home just in time to watch part of the original Dirty Harry. After dinner, we spent the evening at Border's. As usual, I read up on Windows 95. What a maroon!

I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for my journey home to Hawai'i. Primarily, I have been trying to accept my lot in life. I will be working at a peonage, doing very rote work. I will most likely face a tyrannical and abusive management. My patience will be tested time and time again. And, my immediate surroundings will only serve to remind me that I am but a mere peon. I have worked hard to expand my knowledge of computers in the hope of working in a technical environment. Now, that knowledge will only serve as an outlet in contrast to the rudimentary tasks I will have to perform at my so-called job. At least I will be able to promote dendrite sprouting and I may be able to curb the effects of job-related premature senility.

I am becoming much more concerned about my mental health. I have not felt good for a long time and that is beginning to affect my physical well-being. I can sense that I am on the verge of some kind of violent emotional outburst. I have used up almost all of my spare resources to suppress the rage. I am not sure how long I will be able to hold up. I seriously believe that I need to spend some time in an institution. What I sorely miss is some real peace and quiet. As I have mentioned before, I have come to rely on my beloved computer as a diversion. However, it has also become a viable conduit toward maintaining my sanity. I know that sounds strange, but working with my computer has been quite therapeutic. I can only wonder about the sheer number of people suffering from the same quandary. Is this a "phase of life" or a "way of life" problem?

I came close to cracking when baby and I had yet another misunderstanding. I recognize that my fragile mental state has been at the root of the problem, although I have had a different perspective of our interactions since the incident at Cannon Beach last Summer. Each subsequent incident, whether my fault or not, made me more obstinate and skeptical of the situation as a whole. The dark side of my personality has finally wielded its ugly face. The sinister force has won. I have inadvertently signed my name to its list of allies. Where I go from here and how I redeem myself, I no longer know. In some respects, I feel foolish and weak when I disclose this nonsense. Mostly, I feel as though I let myself and everyone else down.

Baby and I will be going our separate ways. The decision was pretty much mine, but I believe that this will be the best solution for both of us. Whether she still wants to move to Hawai'i or not, that will be up to her. She will be welcome to stay with my family until she gets settled as we originally planned. I expect to be leaving for Hawai'i sometime this week. The change in departure date will cost $100, but I really have no business being here at this point. Our discussion last night was less than amiable and there is no way to take back what has been said. We have kept our distance today, for the most part. I played Windows Solitaire for most of the day. That is all I feel like doing anymore.

The Bull wrote recently. He will be back in retirement soon. The working world is just not for him. The Bishop is apparently in financial dire straits. Somehow, someone else's dough was being deposited into the Bishop's checking account for the last two years. The situation has caught up with him and he now owes a lot of dough. Frankly, I do not understand how the Bishop thought he could get away with it. The Bishop has also asked The Bull if he could move into The Bull's palatial manor. The Bull refused.

Regardless of the situation, I will be completing the final stages of LoserNet's relocation. Everything should be in place before I leave. The redirection pages should expedite the transition. I cannot be certain what will happen after that as I have not found a new ISP yet. My life is a shambles as it has always been. LoserNet has been a part of that life in recent years. I am committed to LoserNet, so you always know that we'll be back sooner or later.

It appears that the new site is stable (i.e., LoserNet has not been evicted yet). I will be putting up the last of the redirection pages very soon. Somehow I feel a sense of great loss. I know that LoserNet will have a new home, but it has been at its present location for over two years. LoserNet's move has also been a cause of duress for me. Lord have mercy! I bought Works and installed it on my beloved computer. It is a great office automation suite for only $50, yet it is remarkably easy to use. I can hardly wait to uninstall Office.

I called Hawai'ian Airlines to find out the earliest day I can fly out of Portland. I wanted to fly on Thursday, but the flight was full. So, the earliest day out is Friday. I can't say that I feel really great about all of this. However, my sanity has been taken through the wringer and I cannot see what good staying here will do. Given the fact that I am not a very socially-oriented person to begin with, you can just imagine what I am like when I feel as though my whole world is collapsing. You know, I'm not much of a conversationalist either. I prefer silence. I mentioned before that my Uncle Mike was a hermit. He lived out in the country on the Big Island. One day, he discovered that he couldn't talk. He had been immersed in silence for so long that he lost his mind and his ability to talk. Somehow he made it to town and staggered into one of the shops. He had to write on a piece of a paper that he needed help. Uncle Mike was always my favorite uncle. In fact, I kind of resemble him, too. Strange things.

I played another marathon game of Windows Solitaire today. Baby met her friend for lunch. When she returned, she ran a few errands. I went along for the ride. We picked up her suitcase from the locksmith. She had lost the key a while back. Then, we went to Washington Square so she could take her watch in to the jewelry store to have the battery replaced. We picked up some Chinese food at the Safeway deli so we could have a quick dinner. Baby went to a meeting after dinner. I stayed in and worked on my beloved computer. I have been adding some updated Windows 95 modules. I had a scare because I thought I disabled my TCP/IP junks. I had installed a SLIP driver last night and nothing seemed to be working. I had to rebind my TCP/IP to the dial-up junks. Everything worked fine after that. Tonight was the season finalé of Star Trek: Voyager, so I couldn't miss that. Baby returned in time to watch most of it, too.

Moms informed me via letter that my bro is still unemployed. Moms seems to think that the atmosphere may be a little stressful. It can only get worse when I return and there will be two of us with nothing to do. My bro was counting on being called back by his employer within two weeks. So far, he has been waiting a month for that call.

I helped baby recycle all the paperwork that she had accumulated. It is amazing to see how much useless junks we collect over the years. We have been programmed to archive seven years of personal data just in case. Just in case of what? A flood? I had boxes of old paperwork, myself, and all of it ended up in the recycling bin. Baby went to a Moody Blues concert in Portland with a friend. I played Windows Solitaire on the computer in the clubhouse until it was time for the season finalé of Star Trek: DSN. I don't like going out anymore. I especially do not like being in noisy crowds of unruly people. Music is no longer important to me either. I prefer silence. I am coming frighteningly close to assimilating my Uncle Mike's persona.

I have calmed down considerably since the early part of the week. However, it is not business as usual. I have many reservations about resuming the old relationship that baby and I had. I think we both need to step back and re-evaluate the situation. Baby is still firmly committed to moving to Hawai'i. I am also reconsidering my hasty decision to fly back this week. The main reason is that I want to help baby move. I am allowed a certain amount of luggage on the plane, so I intentionally traveled light in order to carry back some of her things. Well, the clock is ticking and there is still a lot to do.

I played yet another round of Windows Solitaire. Baby had an appointment at noon. She also wanted to drop a few more things off at her friend's consignment shop. When baby returned, we ate a very late lunch. Then, we played FreeCell on the community computer (i.e., development workstation) for several hours. FreeCell is the new fad as far as the Solitaire genre is concerned. It is a very challenging game and seems to enhance one's conceptual problem-solving abilities. FreeCell is also a time killer.

We managed to squeeze in a little gym time. Our workouts have gotten shorter. I have not been able to get very excited about working out ... well, not as excited as I get when I play with my beloved computer. Sheesh! I'm becoming a little worried about my fixation with computers. I discovered the other day that I was having trouble spelling more words. I can pinpoint this phenomena to my limited scope of reading materials. I only read technical books and periodicals, computer catalogs and nerd literature. I had originally thought that I was going senile. That possibility cannot be overlooked, though.

Kauai coffee and muffins! There's nothing like a good blueberry muffin, eh? And, lunch was at Burger King. Whoppers, our way! We went back to the Washington Square Mall to pick up baby's watch from the jewelry store. We ran a few other errands. We came back in time to watch Star Trek: TNG and do our cardio routine in the clubhouse. Then, we ran over to Safeway and picked up some Chinese food from the deli. We had to eat quick because Star Trek VI: Undiscovered Country was on. Well, at least that provided an excuse for us to do yet another hour of cardio. Sheesh!

My stomach has been acting up for the last few days. I have had very painful stomach cramps. I think that the stress is getting to me. I have been pondering my financial plight and I have decided to stick with a modified "Plan A." I will pay out as much as I can, but I won't leave myself vulnerable by not allowing for a significant buffer. I also have my car insurance and credit card bill to pay. Welcome to the real world!

Monsoon Malabar and muffins! I managed to get the last muffin. It was a chocolate chip muffin. I did not find it pleasing to the palate. Baby played FreeCell while I assisted. I then played a short game of Windows Solitaire. Lunch was at Burger King again. Can you guess what we had? Did you say, "Whoppers, our way!"? Well, you guessed correct! There is nothing like a Whopper, my way. I could eat Whoppers every day. Sheesh! Of course, nothing could augment the Whopper experience like a visit to Egghead Software (which we did). We also made it to the gym for a brief workout. Baby's friend was supposed to come by and hottub with baby, but she fell asleep at home. So, baby and I watched Hawai'i Five-O in the clubhouse and did a little more cardio.
 

I wrote out the largest check I have ever written in my life as per "Plan A." The amount was for $11,500 and it will pay off only 24 percent of my loan principle. I have enough left to survive for about three months at home. After that, I'll have hella more to worry about than an upset stomach. I also wrote out a check for my car insurance. Yep, I almost forgot about my poor six-four. It is sitting in Hawai'i, no doubt rusting away as we speak. It looks as though I will be staying in Oregon until June 8th as planned. That is now less than two weeks away. Baby was busy packing away some things. I have a few things to square away, too. I will finish relocating LoserNet and hopefully find a new ISP. I have been using Works. What a great program! I was playing with the Task Wizard last night. It took only a few second to design the basic layout of a really nice résumé. I was amazed.

After that, I'll have hella more to worry about than an upset stomach.

Since today was a holiday, the computer room was closed. So, baby and I did not have the luxury of hours of FreeCell fun. Baby visited her friend for most of the afternoon. I worked on my résumé for a short period of time until I was distracted by some rather mundane Windows 95 utility programs. My beloved computer has locked up five times since yesterday so I was a little preoccupied. I ran the RegClean utility in the hope that it would clean up my Windows 95 Registry. I suspected that the Registry was the culprit for a few problems. Later, baby and I went out and looked for boxes. We only found one small one, which I will use to ship my newly acquired software. It is difficult to find empty boxes. Most stores have a policy of cutting up the empty boxes and baling the cardboard immediately.

We watched the original pilot of Hawai'i Five-O in the clubhouse while getting in a little cardiovascular exercise. Her friend came by and joined us. Then, her friend and baby went hottubbing. I watched the rest of Hawai'i Five-O. Book 'em, Danno! Well, now that Star Trek is in reruns, we will be watching all of the old Hawai'i Five-O episodes. Before I forget, thanks to Kate (k8fitz@aol.com) and Tamae (tamae@twics.com) for writing in!

Baby and I went out looking for boxes again. We inquired at several stores. On a whim, we went to Magnolia Hi-Fi. A sales guy gave us two large boxes. We took them home and began packing. Baby believes that she can move everything in three or four boxes. I kind of doubt it because I thought the same thing when I was moving. Boy, was I wrong. I broiled up the Chinook Salmon Steaks for dinner. They turned out excellent. After dinner, we rushed to the clubhouse to watch Hawai'i Five-O, but we were an hour early. Well, at least we got in an extra hour of cardio.

My beloved computer froze up again. I'm beginning to wonder whether there is a virus present. I had to run it in "Safe Mode" so I could compose my journal. Speaking of the journal, it will be completely moved to the new site by next Monday. It's kind of hard to believe that I will no longer need to log on to my beloved AIX account. In fact, I won't have to worry about logging on to any account. I still don't have a new ISP. Sheesh!

It was raining and humid all day, which almost made me feel as though I was already back in Hawai'i. I worked on a few revisions and corrections to the LoserNet Supersite. I did the work on the community computer (aka development workstation). I want to get all of it out of the way before I leave since I don't have some of the software on my beloved computer. Baby took another load of stuff to her friend's shop. The rest of the day was the usual routine. You know the drill. And, let's not forget Hawai'i Five-O, eh?

I am not exactly sure whether I am excited about my return to Hawai'i. Not much seems to excite me these days. The only true enjoyment I've had lately was using my new Works program. Sad, isn't it? In a matter of days, I'll be paying the piper, as it were. Of course, I can't help but wonder how I've pulled off this charade of a life for so long. Was I cursed to spend my endless idle time lamenting at the Wailing Wall? Or, was I blessed with ample time to search out my call in life? It is all in the eyes of the beholder.

I read a disturbing article in the paper yesterday. In essence, an Associated Press survey found that 76 of the top 100 companies are unwilling to hire the disenfranchised. The punchline is that we are in a supposedly booming economy right now. Companies aren't interested in putting people to work. They just want to grab the quickest profits through every possible loophole and run. We have established a corporate republic which seems to have no sense of morality. People have become like roaches. Jobs can be likened to Roach Motels ... you can check in but you can't check out! What is it all worth? I don't even profess to know.

I have been editing my Windows 95 Registry. Obviously, I have nothing better to do. I have been slowly deleting useless stuff although I had no idea what I was doing. Baby cancelled her plans to go to work, so she and I went to Border's. I did some research on the Windows Registry. Later, I downloaded two more utilities from the Microsoft site in order to better facilitate the editing of the Registry. So far, so good. The computer has not crashed yet. I have no idea why I have been so preoccupied with Windows 95. This knowledge will get me nowhere. Of course, when compared with the rest of my life, the computer is much easier to fix. I have also installed the utilities on the community computer. Just in case anything happen, I can rely upon it as a backup.

I neglected to mention that I read the competitor's journal aloud again on Tuesday evening while baby played FreeCell. Now that all of us reside in the same virtual neighborhood, the event had even more significance. Baby checked her Web page statistics last night and she noticed a pronounced increase in her readership. She seems to believe that the link on the LoserNet main Web page may be responsible. I'm not so sure since LoserNet's readership is embarrassingly low.

Just another Windows Solitaire kind of a day. Sheesh! Baby drove to work in Sandy. We ran a few errands later in the afternoon. I cooked some kind of concoction for dinner. Actually, I was winging it. I'm surprised that we didn't need to get our stomachs pumped. We watched Hawai'i Five-O and called it a day.

It is hard to believe that two months have already gone by. I will be flying back home in one week, and the real fun will begin. My bro is still unemployed from what I can tell. Moms has not mentioned anything to the contrary. I am trying to get myself psyched up for what lies ahead. After all, I have managed to preempt my life for another two months. What is another two months when compared to the last forty-plus years of loafing that I have been engaged in? Perhaps I am ready to assume my duties at Burger King. I'll take the all-beef patty out from the charbroiler with a pair of tongs. Then, I will put the patty in between the two slices of the sesame seed bun. I'll add the condiments as per your specifications. Voilá! A Whopper, your way ... made by the ol' lavahead!

Monsoon Malabar and doughnuts! I almost did not get any doughnuts this morning because the clubhouse was being decorated for a private party. Fortunately, baby was able to abscond a cinnamon roll for me. I fooled around with my Windows 95 Registry all afternoon. I installed Microsoft Exchange, but I didn't like it. Actually, this was the second time I installed Exchange, and this was the second time I didn't like it. I went into the Registry and permanently removed all traces of Exchange. I won't be installing it again. Baby and I watched Star Trek and did our cardio workout in the clubhouse. We then went to the gym to do a short weight circuit. Dinner? Whoppers, our way, of course! Her friend came by, and she and baby went hottubbing. Guess what I did? Can you say, "Windows 95 Registry"?

Baby tried to make her plane reservations today. She discovered that there weren't too many spaces available. Right now, she has a choice of flying out on Saturday June 14 or the following Thursday. Baby has been packing things away steadily. She has discovered that her original estimation of two boxes of stuff was a tad bit conservative.

I received the information I requested as per "Plan B." As it turns out, Dave Klein was correct. I should not have made the balloon payment that I did, but I feel better about doing it that way. Maybe I am too old-fashioned for my own good. Anyone in his (or her) right mind would have kept the dough, negotiated an unusually low monthly payment and let the interest accrue and capitalize. In year 25, it all gets discharged anyway. Can you see why I am never going to make it in my lifetime?

The Keeper's saga continues with Hele On, Braddah!. Sheesh!

The Keeper of Lost Lives: To Tofu ... With Love, Julie Newmar

Starring:
The Keeper of Lost Lives ... Tralfaz
Moms ... Herself
Baby ... Herself
And a cast of thousands!

© Copyright 1997 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
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