The Exodus Files
Back to the Future

Early Update - July 13, 2005 (continued)

I had to buy a bottle of the fake "Hammer" on the very evening that I discovered that Shirley hooked up with Seth. I am not sure why the news hit me hard. After all, I had already come to the conclusion that the babe situation for me was moot. I've always known that there's a reason why guys like The Master, Larry, Robert, and myself have remained single for most of our lives. There's a good reason why neither of us have married as well. I know that I will never ask a babe out on a date, no less mack on her. So, I can only surmise that I am being driven by my perpetual loneliness and my biological urges. Neither is impetus enough for me to take action, which is the telltale sign of my singular status.

Plan B is still in effect. I have until March 2006 to find a babe. Otherwise, I must begin my preparation for the senior citizen bachelor life-style. This is no laughing matter. It is quite obvious that I will fail to meet the provisions of Plan B. I want a babe, but I don't want a babe. Which side of me will win? I think that's quite evident. Well, I did not expect to update the journal so soon. As it stands, the next update will be in March 2006.

Update II - August 1

There is something very desperate about my finite time left on this planet. I have no idea what to do with myself. Being single and alone is probably the worst feeling to experience in life. Yet, what can I do? I have never accepted or followed the normal path through life as did most of my peers (i.e., get married, have kids, etc.). Now, I am paying the price. I have spent months pondering what I am going to do for the rest of my life. There is nothing that I want to do alone, but I no longer have a choice in the matter.

Plan B eventually was exposed to be a major joke. I found that I was only waiting out the two-year time period in order to avoid the capital gains tax upon the sale of Chez Loser. Every day in Chez Loser is sheer torture. The void that is my life becomes quite apparent when first entering the door. I don't belong here, I keep telling myself. The idea of becoming homeless became even more attractive to me as time went on. Yet, I knew the hardships of the latter would overcome the novelty quite rapidly.

Shirley quickly changed her Myspace profile status to "In a relationship" on July 13th. My guess is that she and Seth had the "talk" on Monday. Her Myspace dialog with her friends expressed that she is "very happy." In the most crucial part of her life, she has decided to seek out a BoyToy. This just after a major crush on Dean, one of Seth's friends. Now, she's hooked up with Seth. Rather than seek out a career and get her life on a successful track, she opted for a relationship. Shit, this sounds so familiar. Didn't I do this myself a few times over? Yeah, it's great to have company when you're up against the world. Two against the world. After all, love conquers all, right? When it came time for me to make major decisions in my life, I conveniently found myself wrapped up in romantic relationships. In the end, I ended up alone and a loser. Had I not had a discussion about this with Shirley a long time ago, then I would not be so perturbed.

The world is a scary place when you're alone. However, that's how we enter the world, and that's how we're going to exit. So now, the rest of Shirley's life is preempted as she experiences "true love." She's not in hurry to find a career. Daiei will do just fine. And, as long as both of them live off of their parents, they will have enough spending money to emulate couples out in the real world. I did all of this myself a long time ago. I don't really regret those times, but I should have not shirked everything else off just for the relationships. I could have been far more successful and content in life. History just loves to repeat itself. As far as I can see, Shirley is both lost and scared. She will expect the relationship to protect her, but it may ultimately be her demise. Nonetheless, I wish her the best. Coincidentally, Shirley called on Wednesday. She left a generic message asking how I've been. I knew that that she was dying to tell me about her hook up with Seth. Frankly, I was not ready to hear about it. I dread the day when her relationship goes sour. I've been through two such scenarios with her (i.e., Mark and Jason), as you may recall. Professor Lisa also called. She had returned from the Kaua'i camping trip a couple of days prior. She was leaving for Mau'i the next day.

On Thursday, I received Myspace e-mail from Shirley. She had apparently read the "blog" and believed the ruse that I created. She wanted to know why I never called her. If I want to hang out, I could give her a ring, she added. A few months ago, she made an issue of the fact that I did not want to hang out with her. However, we hardly had seen each other ever since I returned from my trip to Cali two years ago. She did not mention anything about her hook up with Seth, only deferring to "get together sometime to catch up." Why didn't she just spill the beans already? When she hooked up with Jason, she contacted me by e-mail and told me about it. I am not going to contact her for a while. I am not ready to congratulate her and offer other pithy gratuities when I would not believe a word of what I was saying. My question is why is she trying so hard to contact me now when I've not heard from her in a long time?

The babe situation remained at the forefront for me. I continued to ponder the reasons why I was so despondent. I don't have a babe, nor do I have any chance of breaking out of the ranks. So, what's the problem? Since I have relegated myself to watching the tube, I've seen programs like "Single in the City" and "Blind Date." Both have been quite educational. I cannot even imagine myself on a date with a babe. That's probably why I've never been on a date in my life. That's also why the true losers are all single.

I went a whole week without going surfing. Lori lent me one of her bodyboards in case I just wanted to play in the water. I just didn't feel like doing anything without some kind of partner. Lori was away on yet another trip. I contacted her on Friday July 15th to make arrangements to go surfing the next week. We will definitely need to purchase our own boards soon.

I did nothing the whole weekend. Well, I began cleaning some of the heavy grime on the fixtures in Chez Loser. I had been debating the sale of Chez Loser all week. There is no way around it. I could not justify spending so much money on a mortgage for a place that is too big for me. Add to that my perpetual precarious employment situation and it's fairly obvious how volatile my situation really is. I became somewhat despondent over the babe situation. I actually broke down and wept like a true pathetic loser.

My drinking was getting to be a major problem. I cannot stop. I should also note that Shirley is still drinking and smoking, which surprised me. She is apparently going out regularly with Seth and his gang. I would have thought that she would settle down now that she is in a relationship. However, how does one settle down with a "bad boy"? Oh, I know the answer since I was once a "bad boy" myself. I've also discovered that drinking is zapping any inkling of motivation out of me. That's probably why I continue to remain in stasis. Drinking is also a major expenditure.

Plan B gives me until March 2006 to find a babe. Only if I find a babe by then will I possibly not sell Chez Loser. It's obviously a pathetic plan since it hinges on babes. However, let's be realistic now, shall we? Guys are only motivated to do things if babes are involved. The latter is a fact of life. I do not see myself with a babe in the immediate future. I've already passed the point of no return insofar as age is concerned. The sale of Chez Loser appears imminent. I had contemplated the idea of purchasing another place, only much smaller. A studio sounded good. However, that would lock me in another mortgage. Rentals in Honolulu are scarce. I kept looking in the paper, only finding that rents were quite close to my current mortgage for one-bedroom apartments. Studios were ridiculously high as well. I certainly have no idea what I am going to do once I sell Chez Loser.

I put my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave up for sale on eBay. Within a few days, I had one bid. My goal is to divest as many useless possessions as possible as it has always been. I also want to divest anything that has the possibility of becoming a doorstop soon. I continued to ponder whether my iBook should also be sold as well.

Professor Lisa called on Sunday July 17th. We arranged to meet that evening. I had driven out to Hawai'i Kai to go on my tanning hike up Koko Head. I also went to the gym. I drove back to Kane'ohe. Professor Lisa met me at Chez Loser. I briefly showed her the place before we had to depart to Kahalu'u to meet Pseudo-professor Ralph and his family. They were sitting outside the Pizza Hut in the Temple Valley Shopping Center. The Pizza Hut has no dining room. We stood outside all evening and chatted. We didn't plan out any activities.

Alamar, one of my students at the Asylum, was having a discussion with me about the babe situation. "I know a guy who's forty six ... he's older than you ... and he gets chicks," he told me. I laughed. The Bull contacted me via Myspace e-mail. I was surprised to hear from him. He chastised me about the babe situation. I was happy to hear from an old friend.

Lori and I went surfing on the following Tuesday. We had a great time. We are getting better, although we need a lot more practice. It's way too crowded at the place we surf. It's actually kind of funny to think of myself as a surfer and Lori as a surf chick, given our ages. Granted, there are a lot of older surfers. However, relatively few people take up the sport at such a late age. On the way home, Lori's car broke down. It ended up being towed. The day turned into quite an adventure since I had to be at the Diploma Mill by 2pm. Professor Lisa had called early in the morning. She wanted to go for a morning hike, but I was already on my way to go surfing. She wanted to go on hikes and exercise when she had time during her vacation. However, our schedules did not seem to provide any convenient times to do so.

My situation grows precarious by the day. Each decision that I make could adversely affect my entire future. In addition, I have no safety net. Sure, I have a decent cash reserve. However, how long would that last? My spending has increased exponentially since I moved to Chez Loser. I still try to live frugally in my daily life. So, where is the money going? I continued to ponder the babe situation. My whole life now depends on whether I can accept my lot in life. The decision that I ultimately make concerning the babe situation (i.e., Plan B) is irreversible.

I've been hanging out at the Asylum in the evening. I just hate going home, so I talk with various faculty and staff whom I get along with. I had an interesting conversation with John, the night security guard. For some reason, he told me of his situation. He came to Hawai'i via New York. He's an artist. He gave up a lucrative job in commercial art to pursue his own interest in fine art. He now lives the life of a pauper. He works as a security guard to pay his bills. He resides in a boarding house in Chinatown for $412 per month. He has no car. Does this sound familiar? He said that he has attained "spiritual happiness." In other words, he is living a marginal life-style to pursue his love of art. I am not sure why he brought up the topic. Yet, one has to wonder if I am being sent a message from a higher source.

Professor Lisa called on Wednesday. She wanted to go out to dinner and go to a movie on Friday. She also wanted to go hiking sometime during the weekend. Lori and I went surfing on Thursday, but it was a fiasco. The waves were running four to six feet. There was a surfing contest going on at the same time where we were at. Naturally, everyone else was clustered in the thrashing area that we've been surfing at. We were also trying shorter boards for the first time. Lori was hit on the head by her surfboard. She had a few bruises and a swollen lip as a result. Then, one of the other surfers gave her shit about being in his way. Lori was in the right because she was simply waiting in line for a wave. It's not like she cut him off. All in all, a bad surfing day. We are definitely going to need our own boards. We ate lunch at The Shack in Hawai'i Kai. I had to use the restroom. The restroom doors were labeled "Surfers" and "Surfer Girls." Right then, I knew that surfing was our call.

The babe situation is looking bleak. I have already decided that I will not even consider a babe in my age group. I don't want to hook up with an extremely thick babe who has kids from one or more marriages or relationships. The baggage and drama would do me in. I am now certain that I will remain single for the rest of my life. Plan B is a joke.

On Friday, Professor Lisa called to change the plans. She is staying with friends in Kahalu'u. They were having a barbecue, so she invited me to dinner there. Pseudo-professor Bill called later in the afternoon. He wanted to have a few beers at Hooter's. So, I met him at Hooter's at 4pm. We had quite a few beers. Naturally the Hooter's waitresses were hotties. I was reminded of my permanent loser status. I made it back to Kane'ohe at 6:30pm. I drove over to Kahalu'u and made an appearance at dinner.

Professor Lisa and I went on a hike up Hawai'i Loa Ridge on Saturday. We had a late start because my shoes fell apart. Apparently, athletic shoes disintegrate after a few years. We had to drive back to Kane'ohe so I could find another pair of shoes to wear. The hike was strenuous. I felt like an old man. We made it all the way to the top. The view was obscured by clouds, but it was spectacular nonetheless. We walked back down to the beach where we parked. We jumped in the ocean and played in the water for a while. Then, we sat out on the grass and watched the waves. There were a few surfers out in the water. I made a mental note that this was a possible good surfing location. Professor Lisa and I ended up at The Shack in Hawai'i Kai for dinner. We drove along the coast through Waimanalo on the way back to Kane'ohe. The views were spectacular. We had a pretty good time. We also had quite an interesting discussion.

My students at the Asylum had called earlier as well. They wanted to meet later Saturday evening. After I dropped Professor Lisa off in Kahalu'u, I had to stop back at my place. As I pulled out of the carport to leave for town, I ran into one of the metal posts. I dented my rear bumper pretty bad. I was ready to explode. Shit! I hadn't owned the truck for two months and that had to happen. The boys kept changing their mind about where we would meet. First it was supposed to be a strip club. Then, it was supposed to be Dave & Buster's. We ended up at Zippy's on Nimitz Highway. We actually had a good time.

On Sunday, Pseudo-professor Ralph called while I was drinking a bottle of fake "Hammer." He and a friend were going to see "Batman Begins" at the Dole Cannery Theaters. He invited me to join them. So, I did. The movie was enjoyable. Pseudo-professor Ralph asked me to call Professor Lisa to have her join us. I called and left a message. She called later in the evening and left a message. She spent the day at Ala Moana Beach. I stopped off at my bro's place at 7pm. My bro and family were at a neighbor's place. Moms had made dinner for me. Dinner was delicious.

Professor Lisa and I played phone tag through Monday. We are planning to get together along with Pseudo-professor Ralph on Wednesday July 27th. I met moms at Ala Moana Center for lunch. I really enjoyed my time with moms. That's all I have left in my life. I watched an interesting movie called, "Nice Guys Sleep Alone." It was pretty good. In fact, the movie reminded me of my own pathetic situation. That is, until the main character hooked up with a hottie.

My Bose Acoustic Wave was sold on eBay on Saturday. I shipped it off on Monday afternoon along with a Post Sliderule that I also sold. I am contemplating the sale of my beloved iBook.

I had not tried to contact Shirley. She had not contacted me beyond the last Myspace e-mail. She had not logged on to Myspace since July 16th, which had me worried. I suspected that she decided to devote her whole life to Seth. I would not be surprised to learn that they moved in together. Well, except I don't think they have enough financial resources to find their own place.

Lori and I attempted to go surfing on Tuesday. However, there were no waves. Lori seemed to be stressed out. She had been short with me several times as well. We ate lunch at The Shack. We vowed to hit the surf on Thursday. Professor Lisa called to make tentative arrangements for Wednesday evening, although she was unsuccessful in contacting Pseudo-professor Ralph. Malia and I were corresponding regularly by e-mail for some reason. I was very happy to hear from her.

It was about this time that I experienced increased despondency. My employment situation at the Asylum degenerated. I was down to one class, which meant that my income had significantly dropped. I had contacted Chaminade. I was offered two classes for the Fall term. The quandary, of course, was what I was going to do about the Asylum. My spending increased exponentially after I moved to Chez Loser. I was spending approximately $300 more than my monthly income. My zeal for life decreased by the day. Even surfing seemed to be losing its appeal. I was already quite certain that the babe situation was entirely moot. Only Malia seemed to believe that I would eventually hook up with a babe.

Given the situation, I decided that I would start selling off the furniture in late August. My decision to sell Chez Loser in March 2006 was reinforced. Naturally, that decision added to my despondency and anxiety. If I sold Chez Loser, where would I live? My plan was to find someplace a lot cheaper. However, I would risk becoming homeless. Even survival seemed to be a foolish endeavor. My strategy gradually changed to resemble that of Anonder. I just wanted to guarantee my existence in the most spartan surroundings.

Professor Lisa called on Wednesday to arrange an outing to Border's later that evening. I ended up staying in town and catching a ride with Professor Lisa along with Pseudo-professor Ralph. I was not really in a talking mood, so I ended up cruising around Border's by myself. I actually had a good time despite the fact that everything was seemingly going wrong for me (i.e., the Asylum, the PayPal fund transfer for my stuff sold on eBay did not go through to my bank, etc.). Shirley apparently logged onto Myspace. She left a comment on my profile about getting together. I am still not ready to hear the official version of her hook up with Seth. I don't know why she just doesn't tell me all of this in e-mail.

Lori and I went surfing on Thursday. The waves were flat again, but we went out anyway. I really wasn't in the mood. In fact, I'm about ready to call it quits. Why am I even bothering? I should just be getting ready to convalesce. Lori was perturbed that I was not more enthusiastic, especially since the whole surfing thing was my idea. She also gave me a hard time about being close to blind and suggested that I get laser eye surgery. I can't help my physical deficiencies, but I am not going to spend $3,000 just so I can see better when I am out in the ocean. We ate lunch at The Shack in Kuapa Kai. Then, we stopped by the Local Motion store in Koko Marina to check out a few surfboards and get some tips. I still believe that we need to get our own boards and go to places less crowded. There are other issues which seem to be driving Lori insane. I am not sure what they are, but it's starting to affect all aspects of her life. Frankly, this is happening to me as well. Professor Lisa called to arrange something on Friday, if there was any time. Neither of us had an free time. She was concerned about how distant I had seemed the night before. I made a brief explanation of my plight. Shirley called about 9pm and left a blank message. I am not certain why. Months have gone by, and I rarely heard from Shirley. Now, she wants to contact me. Is it that important to tell me about Seth in person?

On Friday, I went to my eye examination. Everything was fine. The optometrist was apparently in my age group. He kept prefacing everything he said with, "When you get to be our age ..." I am sure that he enjoyed the camaraderie, but he was pushing me close to the edge of sanity. I purchased two new glasses, one regular and one pair of Oakley sunglasses. The cost came to $600 total. I almost lost my mind. However, I have not purchased a new pair of glasses for over six years. I have only a couple of good years left to exploit any current fashion trends. After that, I will be wearing "old man" shit. I had to attend another laborious meeting at the Asylum. Frankly, I have no idea why I continue to play this game since I am on my way out. My former student Alamar called. He had several tickets to the big fight at the Aloha Stadium. After the gym, I rushed home on the bus. Then, I drove to the Aloha Stadium and met up with Alamar, his brother, and Mark (another former student). We had a great time.

On the morning of July 30th, I walked over to the Windward Nissan dealer to price a new bumper. Whoa! $540 for the piece of shit. I became despondent immediately. I may order the bumper next month. However, my spending is continuing to go up exponentially. I continued to ponder the various contingencies to my current life-style. My failure in life is the fact that I cannot make any bold moves. I have no passion for living.

The idiots upstairs of Chez Loser are not even worthy of mention. They are trailer park trash from Florida. IdiotBoy lives with his mommy. He stomps around and talks like Adam Sandler in "Waterboy." IdiotBoy and his mommy have had a few shouting matches. The two fat fucks have no idea that other people live in close proximity. IdiotBoy wants to leave the "cocoon," but the moron has no idea that he cannot make it on his own. He doesn't even have his own car. He must borrow mommy's car. The punchline is that mommy cannot kick IdiotBoy out. He makes more money at his minimum wage job than she does. Fucking idiots.

The last two weeks have been quite hectic. I was not planning to make an update so soon. At this point in time, I have decided to hold on to my computer. I cannot see replacing it with another one since I rarely use it. My spending will continue to be exorbitant because I am trying to enjoy my days off during the Summer. Essentially, this is my only vacation. I was fortunate to have friends visiting Hawai'i from the mainland. I also need to spend money to buy things which I have put off for so long. In addition, I have mentioned that I only have a couple of good years left. After that, I can relegate myself to dereliction just like all the other senior citizens. It won't really matter then. I will probably have more updates prior to March 2006.

Update III - August 13

On Monday August 1st, Kevin mentioned to me that Shirley had communicated with him through Myspace. Kevin now has two Myspace profiles. She asked Kevin to tell me to call her. I was not ready to hear about Shirley's romantic trysts with Seth. I wondered whether Kevin had sold me out and told Shirley my opinion of her situation. I no longer trust Kevin. I believe that he is the reason for my demise at the Asylum. I cannot ascertain when I will call Shirley, if ever. I was still puzzled about why she just didn't tell me in e-mail.

I met moms at Ala Moana. We ate bento lunch at Shirokiya. While we were eating lunch, the old guy sitting next to us said, "Your grandmother can hear really well." He apparently wore a hearing aid. "That's my mom," I told him. I've been enjoying my time with moms. In fact, I came to realize that I have been taking moms for granted. It was not intentional. I really began to see how much I missed moms when moms boarded the bus and waved good-bye.

Larry sent e-mail. He must have checked out the "blog" and saw that I ended it. He wanted to know if I had stepped out of the closet yet. I sent him a brief reply and also a link to the journal updates. Larry suggested that I purchase a single family home so I can keep busy with repairs. That way, I would have time to think about babes. The trouble is ... I am always thinking about babes. Well, actually, the babe situation. In all honesty, the babe situation is over. It's been over for six years. Why I keep resurrecting this foolishness, I do not know. My entire life will change once I face the facts. In the evening, I watched Tim Allen in the movie, "Joe Somebody." A divorced, middled-aged guy makes a comeback. Entertaining and inspirational. Why can't I and my loser brethren snap into action?

Lori and I did not attempt to go surfing on Tuesday. The forecast had called for flat conditions. We went hiking up Diamond Head instead. The trail was crowded. I was surprised to so many out-of-shape people, most of whom were much younger than Lori and I. "Now you know why you're surfing," she said. "Because you can." Later, we ate lunch at The Shack. Lori felt that I should not sell Chez Loser. She seemed to believe that I would end up paying almost as much in rent with little benefit. I told her that I would make the final decision after I run my 2005 tax returns in Excel. She also agreed with me that I would probably be single for the rest of my life. I helped Lori measure her Mercedes to see if it could accommodate a surfboard. Sure enough! We will be purchasing our own boards very soon. I decided to visit moms. As I drove up the street, I saw moms standing at the bus stop. I gave moms a ride to Koko Marina. I spent a few minutes chatting with moms before I had to drive to town to go to work.

Later that evening, I watched the "Sport's IllustraTed Swimsuit Special" on Spike. It's easy to see why babes drive guys nuts. Babes have so much power over guys as long as the Vienna Sausage still works. I already know that I will never hook up with a babe, so I will be living in torment until the Vienna Sausage quits. Even Lori commented that my options are severely limited. Lori knows that I cannot settle for an extremely thick, half-crazed middle-aged babe. So, I guess that I am up shit creek.

IdiotBoy upstairs continued to torment his mommy. Apparently, IdiotBoy is trying to hook up with some skank. "Is it a transvestite?" his mommy quizzed him. Mind you, the fucking knobs were yelling at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. "Don't say that!" he retorted. "That's the Devil talking." Both of the fat fucks are some kind of born-again religious fanatics. They better damn well read the Good Book a little closer.

The Kaiser optical clinic called to let me know that Oakley could not fill my sunglass prescription. I took the bus to Chaminade on Wednesday to finalize my classes there. The level of incompetence amongst the support staff was incredible. I was beginning to regret my decision. I ran into one of my former Asylum students while I was shopping at Long's. He works there. I tried to persuade him to sign up for a few directed study classes under my tutelage in order to assure that I would remain on the Asylum payroll. Professor Lisa called to say hello. She had a full schedule for her last week in Hawai'i, so it seemed unlikely that we would get together again.

The waves were flat on Thursday, but Lori and I went out to surf anyway. Lori gave me a lot of drama in the morning when I first arrived. She gave me shit about not being more enthusiastic about surfing. I explained my position, However, I did not elaborate that my whole life is now that way. We did not catch any waves. Later, we walked around Waikiki to look at surfboards. Then, we ate lunch at Loco Moco in Koko Marina.

I have essentially lost my purpose to live and my ability to cope with bullshit. I am fatigued all the time. Simple inconveniences were becoming major nightmares. After the drama with Lori on Thursday morning, I decided that the babe situation is completely moot. There is no way that I can tolerate the attitude of any babe. Babes are totally out of control these days. In fact, they are downright abusive toward all guys. All I need a babe for is to do da wild thing. Babes cannot offer me much more. Even in friendship, babes have little to bring to the table. All they bring is self-centered drama, bullshit, lies, and treachery. To be fair, most guys are really not much better. Yes, I am increasingly finding that Anonder was correct all along.

So, as of August 5th, I decided that the babe situation is officially over. The Plan B caveat is no longer effective. Selling Chez Loser is now just a matter of a sound business decision. No doubt, I will continue to want a babe as long as the Vienna Sausage is operational. The real problem is that I am attracted to young hotties. However, I will never act upon that want. Instead, I will continue to move toward exiting society. My goal is purely one of survival.

On Friday, I went back to the Kaiser optical clinic to make another selection of sunglass frames. I also stopped by to see moms. I gave moms a ride to her religious study group. Then, I met Pseudo-professor Glen at Indigo for Happy Hour. We also went on a brief tour of the Art Walk. I only had a couple of drinks, but the latter affected me adversely. I believe that the time has come to stop drinking, or at least curb it to no more than once per week. And, there really is no reason for me to drink cheap booze anymore because the babe situation is finally over.

There was more upheaval at the Asylum. An e-mail sent out from the Executive Director stated that most of the degree programs are to be phased out in Fall. The technology programs are definitely going to be eliminated. The implication is that most of the faculty will be removed from service. The treachery at the Asylum will continue until the bitter end. However, there will be few survivors. Even Kevin will find himself out of a job or reduced to part-time status. What was the backstabbing worth?

Knowing that the babe situation is over, I have observed that my perception of loneliness has decreased. The real issue is boredom. I have nothing to do at Chez Loser except to watch the detestable tube. There really is nowhere to go at nights unless I want to go out to the bars or go clubbing. I certainly won't be doing that alone. I cannot be going to Barnes & Noble every night. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst. I really need to work at a place like Barnes & Noble during those evenings. I am rapidly approaching 51 years of age. I do not need to tolerate this bullshit anymore. Speaking of Barnes & Noble, I spent both Friday and Saturday night there. My favorite babe was working both nights. Knowing that the babe situation is over, I quickly came to my senses. I perused a few surfing books for fun. I quickly learned that most of the local beaches are subject to "localism." The latter is a term to describe the attitude of local punks who believe they own the beaches, specifically the waves. I was not in the mood to drive to Hawai'i Kai on Sunday. However, moms called at 7pm. Moms had cooked all kinds of food, so I changed my mind. Dinner was excellent, and I had a lot of leftovers to take home.

On Monday, Pseudo-professor Ralph called to see if I would work out at the YMCA with him and Professor Lisa. I had a very tortuous morning discussing the new crisis at the Asylum with other faculty. So, I went to the gym early. Later, I walked to the YMCA. I ran into Professor Lisa along the way. We chatted at the entrance while we waited for Pseudo-professor Ralph to arrive. We were supposed to meet at 4pm, but he was late. When he arrived, I said good-bye. I walked to the Diploma Mill to do some work. As I waited for the 6:22pm bus back to Kane'ohe, I received a call from Professor Lisa. She was going to take the same bus. She boarded the bus near the YMCA. We spent the time chatting. I really enjoyed talking with her. She only has a couple of days left in Hawai'i. We planned to meet with Pseudo-professor Ralph on Wednesday for one last time. Professor Lisa got off the bus at my stop. She walked back to Ahuimanu from there. Later that evening, moms called and left a message that the Kaiser clinic had called. One pair of glasses was ready for pick up.

On Tuesday, Lori, her daughter Stephanie, and I went hiking up Mariner's Ridge. We did not go surfing because the waves were flat again. The hike was nice, although Stephanie had a difficult time making it up the hill. In fact, she stopped halfway. The view at the top was spectacular. After the hike, we ate lunch at The Shack. Shirley had called at 10am while I was on the hike. She left a message. She still wants to get together sometime. She sounded like she had just woken up. She had apparently called from her parents' place. I did not call her back.

During the hike, Lori had mentioned that she had gone through menopause a year ago. That explains a lot about why Lori is the way she is now. I suspect that it hit her pretty hard. The sad part is that the event happened quite early. She was only forty-four at the time. I believe that she's on the verge of snapping. Granted, she has a great life right now. However, material wealth does little to placate a troubled soul.

The morale at the Asylum was even lower than low. On Wednesday, I chatted with a select few faculty members about the faculty meeting to be held on Thursday. That's when the shit was going to hit the fan. The administration has spent considerable time documenting that the cause of the Asylum's demise was due to the faculty. Several of us will end up being "punished" for the ineptness of the administration. Professor Lisa called later in the afternoon to try to finalize the arrangements for the evening. I ended up meeting Professor Lisa and Pseudo-professor Ralph and his family at Windward Mall. We ate dinner at the Food Court. We chatted for a bit. Then, it was time to say farewell to Professor Lisa.

I had perused Myspace and discovered that Shirley has still been continuing her partying with Seth's gang. One of the babes asked if she was going back to school in the Fall. Shirley avoided the topic. I have a feeling that she's not going to repeat the one class that she failed. Thus, she will not confer her degree. Well, she's in love, and that's more important than a career. She also went camping over the weekend. Shirley commented to one of the other babes in the group that Seth had neglected her during the camping trip. She spent her time reading and sleeping. Almost all of the guys in the group are now in relationships except for Dean. The babes seem to spend a lot of time comparing BoyToys and complaining about them as well. This seems to be the major impetus to have a BoyToy. I was still adamant about not communicating with Shirley. She must want to tell me about Seth in person. However, I am not ready to hear about it. She has also changed her marquee photo gallery on Myspace to include pictures of her and Seth. The punchline, of course, is that Shirley is living a far better life than I. She's extremely happy. She has a BoyToy. She has more disposable income than I do because she basically has no living expenses.

Rather than attend the faculty meeting at the Asylum on Thursday, I visited moms. Moms told me of a recent medical problem. Moms has had some unexplained bleeding. I became quite concerned. Moms must go through a few more tests before any conclusion can be drawn.

On Friday August 12th, I drove my truck to the Nissan dealer for its first scheduled maintenance, which was basically an oil change. The cost? $81 for that shit! I went to Chaminade via the bus to pick up more materials. I was given the student solutions manual for the wrong edition. I have no instructor materials. I ran into Pseudo-professor Franklin there. He is actually a professor at Chaminade now. He concurred that the place was totally unorganized. Rather than prepare for my Chaminade classes, I spent the rest of the day reading on-line guides about the homeless life. I found that I had a lot of similar feelings about life as the authors. When I made the decision to end the non-existent babe situation, I realized that all of my future life decisions would change. My values would also change, as would my priorities. I can no longer justify spending so much money just to have a place to sleep. I don't really "live" in my place, since the latter is devoid of amenities. Frankly, I view homes as living tombs. Yet, I am not inclined to become completely homeless. The next phase of my plan is to find a cheaper place. A lot cheaper. I need to reduce my living expenses significantly. Freedom from wage slavery is the issue at stake. I don't mind working part-time, but I cannot spend the rest of my life in wage slavery. I no longer can tolerate stupidity and treachery. Why should I? I only have a few more good years left. Why should I spend those years in torment?

I was able to sell my House Music CD collection on eBay. I mailed the package off on Saturday. Gradually, I am divesting myself of all of my crap. The sad part is that I keep acquiring more crap. September is just around the corner. My furniture is next on the list to go.

My employment situation remains quite precarious. My strategy is to continue working until I can collect Social Security benefits at age sixty-two. My goal is to cut all living expenses down to where I can afford to pay for everything with shitty part-time jobs. In other words, I want to semi-retire next year. Chez Loser will have to be sold as planned. I expect to make about $125,000 in capital gains tax-free. This will bring my assets up to a half-million dollars. My immediate plans are to allow for some traveling. I want to take a few long cruises. During the time that I am gone, I will not retain a place to live. My plan still has a lot of flaws in it, but I will remove the kinks in due time. Freedom is still the prime directive.

So far, it seems as though I am livin' large because I can. Somewhat foolish, but almost unavoidable given my current life-style. Most people are caught up in endless spending for the same reason. The bottom line is that owning a house and a car insures endless spending. It is up the individual to put a stop to the madness. Becoming involved with a babe would preclude any exit from the madness. Stay tuned for the next update!

End of Summer Update - September 6

The weekends continue to be a problem for me. I have absolutely nothing to do. In one of the on-line homeless guides, the author mentioned that boredom was a major problem. Homeless people apparently have a lot of time on their hands, just like the ol' lavahead. I spent the evening of August 12th at Barnes & Noble. Prior to going there, I had given in to temptation and bought a six-pack of brewskis. On Saturday evening, I drove to Ala Moana. I took the bus to the Ward Center and ended up at Pier 1 and Border's. As always, there were really no single losers out and about. It is becoming quite obvious that losers do not go out alone at night. Either that or I am the only single loser in Hawai'i.

The two fat fucks living upstairs continued to torment me. They slam every door and stomp around. These two morons are the only people who can be heard through the whole complex. The dumb fucks can't seem to stop yelling. I was tempted to fuck up their turd Kia Sportage. It's a piece of shit anyway. However, I would suffer some kind of karmic retribution. Look what happened to my bumper.

I continued to analyze the advantages of selling Chez Loser. So far, there are very few reasons to keep the place. My mortgage and maintenance fee payments are now $1,600 per month. That's $19,200 per year. If I could rent a place for about half that amount, then I would come out ahead. Even the tax deduction is worthless in comparison to cutting the expenditure.

I had started preparations for my Chaminade classes on Saturday. I spent a few hours in the Diploma Mill library. I was planning to spend a few hours there on Sunday as well. However, I changed my mind at the last minute. Instead, I drove out to Hawai'i Kai to go to the gym. Then, I drove to Kahala Mall. I spent two hours at Barnes & Noble doing my work while I sat and enjoyed a cookie and a coffee drink. I found the latter to be quite relaxing. My favorite Barnes &l Noble babe was working there, not that it matters.

The price of gas in Kane'ohe was up to $2.55 per gallon for the cheapest grade of gas. In Hawai'i Kai, it was $2.66 per gallon. I have not discussed any relevant social issues in a long time, so here's a tidbit. My guess is that peak oil has just about arrived. Gas prices are going up for a reason, usually a shortage.

On Sunday, I pondered the idea of selling my iBook on eBay. It is over three years old. I can probably get about $200 for it. That is a lot more than I'll get when it's a doorstop. I basically have no use for it since I have no Net access. I have been thinking about replacing it with a Palm PDA. As long as it has wireless capability as well as the ability to interface with a USB flash drive, I will be content. I also want to prepare myself for the transient life-style that lies ahead. I can no longer be bogged down by useless possessions.

Another unit in the Chez Loser complex was listed for sale. The price? $350,000 fee simple for one just like mine. I am anticipating that prices will continue to go up in the next few months. My analysis will continue until the March 2006 deadline.

Lori and I did not go surfing during the week of August 15th. The waves continued to be flat and the surf forecasts were not showing anything different. I spent my time catching up with personal business and preparing for my Chaminade class. On Tuesday, I met Pseudo-professor Mike at Indigo Happy Hour. I also picked up one of my new glasses from the Kaiser optical clinic. On Thursday, I decided to drive to Hawai'i Kai and visit moms. The latter activity is about the only redeeming aspect of my life. Moms still had not undergone the tests to determine the cause of the bleeding. I put my iBook up for sale on eBay. Later, I contemplated the purchase of a Palm Tungsten T5 to replace my iBook.

Somehow, I came down with a cold during the week. It was still lingering on Friday. I felt miserable for most of the day. Friday was a holiday, but I found myself at the Diploma Mill. I tried to get some work done, but I spent most of my time on the Net. That evening, I decided to drive down to CompUSA to check out the Palm PDAs. When I arrived, I discovered that the place was closing in ten minutes. So, I drove to Kahala Mall. I meandered around Tower Records, which was as unexciting as usual. The mall security guard issued a "ticket" to me for not parking the big-ass truck properly within the parking space. The truck barely fits in the space as it is. I was totally disgusted with the evening, so I drove back to Chez Loser. All I did was waste a lot of petrol. I stopped off at Safeway and bought a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for medicinal purposes. Naturally, I downed the whole bottle while watching the benign programs on the tube.

Lori and I communicated by e-mail on Friday. We are making plans for the last two weeks of Summer. She's also very stressed out because of her various commitments. We are going to try to get some surfing time in. I also suggested that we purchase the surfboards soon.

I managed to get some work done at the Diploma Mill library on Saturday. I was still not feeling too well. I had a headache, extreme post-nasal drip, and a sore throat. Later in the evening, I decided to give CompUSA another try. I drove there with enough time to peruse the store. I was tempted to purchase the Palm PDA, but I decided to wait. I then drove to Kahala Mall again and spent the rest of the evening at Barnes & Noble. I gave into consumerism when I decided to buy the "Afterdark Chicago" House Music CD at Tower Records. Yes, I know. I just sold off most of my House Music CDs on eBay.

This brings me to the subject of buying and selling crap. Anonder had mentioned the latter in e-mail on Friday. I really don't buy and sell a lot of stuff. In fact, I usually hold onto to my possessions for quite some time before selling them off. I try to sell things off before they become useless doorstops. This is particularly true for technology toys. I believe that I have derived useful benefit from the divested items. However, now more than ever, there is a need to divest anything that requires some form of energy. Gas prices are surging because peak oil is here. Did I make a mistake by purchasing the big-ass truck? Yes and no. I am not totally reliant on the truck. I still commute primarily on the bus. The truck is now my only vanity, but it also serves a purpose. The truck is my freedom to travel anywhere during my free time. It also has my only sound system.

Anonder suggested that I sell Chez Loser immediately. I am staying put until March 2006. I still firmly believe that house prices will continue to climb through the end of the year. It will probably stabilize next year. This is a calculated risk. However, I have no other contingency for housing right now. Rent is extremely high, and rentals are in short supply. Returning students at the various college campuses are also going to have an effect on the rental market. Another unit was put up for sale in the Chez Loser complex on Sunday. It listed for $320,000 leasehold. With the fee purchase, the property would be $385,000 minimum. This is for a unit just like mine.

My Chaminade classes started up on Monday August 22nd. The place is totally unorganized just like it was six years ago when I facilitated a class there. I was becoming very disgusted, but I later came to my senses. Chaminade will end up being a replacement source of income for the Asylum. I discovered that Chanté was a student in one of my classes. She worked at the surboard rental booth in Waikiki. Before every class, she always asks me whether I went out surfing. I also picked up my new shades from the Kaiser optical clinic. There was a slight mix-up so I did not get a refund. Actually, I came out ahead because I was not charged for the more expensive frames.

The conditions were flat on the South shore again, so Lori and I went out and did some "lounge" surfing. Basically we did nothing except float and paddle around on our boards. The conditions were flat on Thursday as well. So, Lori and I ended up at Local Motion in Hawai'i Kai. We ordered our new surfboards. They will be custom made, but they will cost the same as the ones in the store. Our regular itinerary also called for us to eat lunch at The Shack. After lunch, I stopped by to visit moms. Shirley called again late Thursday afternoon. I did not call her back.

My iBook sold at the last minute on eBay. I did not think that it was going to sell at all. I shipped the iBook off to its new owner on Friday. I had the urge to buy the Palm PDA. However, I resisted the urge. Within a day or so, I realized that the Palm PDA would be another useless possession. I am going to try to get by without the latter or a new computer.

The weekend of August 26th was boring for me. I actually did not go anywhere during the evenings. I was trying to acclimate to my new life as a hermit. However, I did end up at Barnes & late Sunday afternoon. I drank coffee and worked on my Chaminade lecture notes. By the way, one of my students at Chaminade works at Barnes & Noble. Naturally, she's a hottie. Most of the babes in my classes at Chaminade are hotties.

Lori and I attempted to go surfing on Tuesday, but there was a jellyfish warning in effect. Neither of us wanted to get stung. So, we walked around Waikiki and ate lunch at The Shack. I dropped by to visit moms afterward.

To be continued ... Go to E.26