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Glass Menagerie
Stories on the Wind

Tuesday July 23, 2002

Shirley sent e-mail from Japan. She asked several times, "Do you miss me?" Shirley is having a great time from what she says. Back at the ranch, Kevin and I had lunch at Taco Bell. I ate my usual fare — two bean burritos with green sauce. No red sauce. No onions. Sheesh! I have organized a few students at the Asylum to form a new club. Kevin and I will be the faculty advisors. I included Kevin because he will be able to share in the glory, if it is successful. This will allow us to gain a few Brownie points with Bug and Roach.

I have been researching more information on gold, the dollar, and other incidentals of the so-called economy. So far, gold prices have stabilized, although it had been on an upward trend in the last year. I have also been reading about the "Plunge Protection Team," which allegedly has been intervening in the markets by selling gold and buying up securities in order to stave off a crash and a run on the dollar. There are also allegations that the Fed has increased the M3 money supply, which now explains the extremely low interest rates. Interest rates will only rise when the money supply falls. However, this does not explain the low inflation rate. Some analysts are predicting that the economy is going to collapse given the artificial support systems in place. The weakest points are the outflow of capital and the trade deficit. Al Martin has also pointed out that the latest financial frauds are probably going to wreak havoc with the banking system because extremely large loans are going to be written off as losses. In fact, I was surprised that my bond fund didn't tank since it has a sizable amount of WorldCom bonds.

My favorite Asian babe was at the gym today. She was working out with another gorgeous Asian babe. My Tera Patrick DVDs have yet to arrive. Whassup wi' dat? I have one bidder so far for my digital camera. So far, so good. It is about 8pm and the fly-by-night construction crew is frantically trying to finish the roof in the dark. They have been working on the roof for over a week. Oddly, they had only completed half the job by yesterday. Apparently, they expect to be done tonight, perhaps at midnight.

Wednesday July 24

The roofers completed the job at 9:30pm. They actually did a good job of cleaning up all the debris. The roof doesn't look too bad, but I am still suspicious about some of the Rube Goldberg techniques. I had an uneventful day in the salt mines. However, I was too fatigued to notice anything. I am just biding my time and praying for better opportunities to come along. I have noticed that dinero is a prevalent conversation topic these days. There are few discussions in which money does not come up a multitude of times. Little wonder, with so many people competing for scarce resources. I am also sickened by the sheer amount of advertising I am bombarded with all day long. Most of us barely even notice the proliferation of advertising. Even the Web has become saturated with those annoying pop-up ads. We are being nagged constantly to go out and buy something. That is the substance of our lives. The meaning of our existence. My divestiture of possessions will continue. I am down to barely nothing now. I may once again ponder the fate of my Bose Acoustic Wave, my Palm IIIe, and my six-four.

Thursday July 25

Another uneventful day. Kevin wanted to buy lunch at Mickey Dee's. I went along, but I couldn't bring myself to eat that crap. We were sitting in the dining room upstairs when I noticed Pseudo-professor Robert looking for a seat. I called him over to join us. We chatted briefly about the agony of wage slavery. Kevin had to go back to the Asylum. Pseudo-professor Robert walked with me to the university. I believe that the babe situation is at the crux of his "bipolar" disorder. We had seen Sylwia (Miss Universe Poland, at left) walking out of one of buildings. She smiled and said hello. Pseudo-professor Robert stood in awe and watched as she walked away. In the faculty computer room, we continued our conversation. "It's going to take a lot of money for guys like us to end up with someone like Miss Poland," he said. That's obviously true. We are close to being senior citizens and we are also broke. He also mentioned that he's about ready to accept the monk life-style. Yet, somehow, I had difficulty believing him.

Shirley sent me another e-mail from Japan. She has only a few days left, but she is having quite a good time. She also said that there weren't any "cute guys" there. Most of them were too skinny and wimpy. What I've got to do is to find someone who can apply the infamous "sleeper hold" on Shirley. Sheesh! My favorite Asian babe was at the gym this afternoon. She was working out alone. After I was done with my workout, I stood at the bus stop across the street from the gym. I saw baby leaving the gym. She was wearing a black dress with a conservative hemline. However, baby was looking fine. I watched her walk down the street and enter one of the buildings. I came to understand why Pseudo-professor Robert is losin' it.

This will not be a good month because I have accumulated a lot of expenses, including my (yet to arrive) hurdy-gurdy DVDs, my IEEE Computer Society membership, and my car registration fee. Kevin mentioned that Roach has been boasting to everyone about all of the new expensive toys that he has been purchasing, including a brand new motorcycle. Roach, the numbnut, has no clear concept that these kinds of topics should not be discussed with the underpaid minions. Let's hope that his day comes soon.

Friday July 26

Yet another uneventful day. My digital camera will be shipped to its new owner tomorrow. Selling my worldly possessions has been psychologically taxing. Aside from the large losses that I have incurred, I must also deal with stupidity. The high bidder for my digital camera sent payment to a non-existent PayPal account. So, I had to set up a second PayPal account to claim the dough. The money game is fatiguing the oversized cranium. When I arrived at home, I noticed that the ugly ho' has a new car. It's one of those bloated Cadillac Escalade urban assault tanks. I'm not sure where the skank got the $55,000 to buy that piece of [dung], but she certainly has more dough than I do.

My Tera Patrick DVDs have not arrived yet. That makes 17 days since shipment. I believe that they are "lost." I have to use the term loosely. Most likely, someone snaked them. In all honesty, I am getting tired of spending money on crap that I don't need. Don't even get started on these [copulating] taxes that I have to pay, only to end up subsidizing [rectums] like Shrub and Roach. I want to get rid of everything and then tell people that I am extremely poor. That, of course, would not be far from the truth.

Saturday July 27

The bidder for my digital camera called and left a message while I was at the post office mailing the damned thing. I am taking huge losses so far with each item I've sold. I have had to absorb the extremely high cost of shipping anything from Hawai'i to the mainland. The bidder is a private detective, so I can only assume that he wanted me to know that he can track me down if I renege. So far, I've only sold a handful of items, but the buyers gave me excellent ratings. So, why was the putz so worried? That's another reason why I cannot own anything anymore, unless I plan to keep the junk forever. Since most consumer items are indeed crap, there is little need to buy them.

I saw quite a few extremely gorgeous Asian babes at the post office and also jogging on the main road. Of course, that jogged my memory of my favorite Asian babe at the gym. It's best that these kinds of thoughts be squelched. Otherwise, I may lose my mind. I lapsed in and out of a coma while sitting in favorite chair. Then, I walked down to the gym. I managed to complete my usual mediocre workout. The moronic file clerk dropped by late in the afternoon, no doubt to check the new roof on her future home. What I fear is that moms will give me only about a few days notice before the Ninja Turds move back into the house. That would leave me very little time to find a place of my own. This is what I fully expect to happen because this is how my family operates. Thus, divesting my possessions will make it much easier for me when I have to move.

Sunday July 28

I have decided to "standardize" monetary denominations in terms of my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. A new one costs $1,079 and a factory refurbished one (like mine) sells for $899 or so. Given this, I have set the "standard" Bose Acoustic Wave Unit (AWU) at $1,000 exactly. As an example, I have saved approximately 72 AWUs. It's hard to believe that my life savings can only amount to the equivalent of a small pallet of Bose Acoustic Wave systems. Sheesh! My last set of hurdy-gurdy DVDs did not have a bidder on eBay, so I am done. I may leave my PayPal account open for donations. Yet, who would donate any dough to LoserNet?

I washed my six-four this morning. The interior is completely trashed. The residue from the roofing job has permanently stained the upholstery. The gauge panel is still dismantled. My six-four actually looks like a pile of junk. Disillusioned by this, I did nothing for the rest of the day. I didn't even go to the gym. I tried to lapse in and out of a coma, but the heat was intolerable. There were occasional drizzles, which only added to the humidity. Later, as I was outside in the yard, I saw the young ho' talking on her cell phone in the carport of the House of Lolo. The young ho' has put on quite a bit of weight. She's still a babe, but not for much longer. Well, another weekend has come and gone. I will be spending the evening with my Bose Acoustic Wave and my iBook. Yep, I'm looking forward to seeing my favorite Asian babe at the gym. I have to confess that I have been trying to imagine what it would be like to do da wild thing with baby. Man, I need some Thorazine!

Monday July 29

Shirley is back. As usual, we ended up at Jamba Juice for lunch. Shirley told me more details of her trip to Japan. She kept asking me if I had missed her. "I know you did," she added. The rest of the day was uneventful. My math class at the university ends this week, so I will have the afternoon off once again. The private detective (who bought my digital camera) in Florida had sent a whole mess of e-mail to me this weekend. I cannot access my university account from home because the Web-based mail does not allow Netscape browsers. I was pretty upset with this paranoid fool. I fired off an e-mail to him to address his concerns. Someone also offered to buy my hurdy-gurdy DVDs even though the bidding had closed. I will ship them tomorrow. He is also interested in my final set of DVDs, which I was to list on eBay later this week. The good news is that my Tera Patrick DVDs have finally arrived. This will be the final addition to my hurdy-gurdy library unless, of course, some hottie even more gorgeous than Tera Patrick comes along. Sheesh!

Tuesday July 30

Another uneventful day. I shipped the hurdy-gurdy DVDs to their owner. On the way to the gym, I ran into Pseudo-professor Jim. We chatted for few minutes and parted company. My favorite Asian babe was at the gym with her equally gorgeous friend. I have noticed that they talk very loud and laugh quite a bit when they are together. I realized that they were doing everything possible to call attention to themselves. Baby was looking mighty fine today. In actuality, baby cannot hold a candle to Tera Patrick, but she is extremely gorgeous nonetheless. However, I already know that a babe like that would only be endless trouble. After all, babes and the ol' lavahead just don't mix. That's why I'm a monk.

I have had a lot of deep thoughts lately, but I have chosen to not delineate on them here in the journal. Most of what I have been contemplating is the same old stuff that I have been rehashing for months (i.e., wage slavery, semi-retirement, divesting my possessions, etc.). There really is no end to the madness. That's probably why I used Acquisition to download the classic tune, "All I Want is Girls" by the Beastie Boys.

Wednesday July 31

I decided to skip the faculty meeting at the Asylum once again, thereby jeopardizing my employment. I am at the point that I really don't care. Shirley was not on campus, so I went to Taco Bell by myself. There are more signs of problems at the Asylum. Phillip, the "technology curriculum coordinator" is still on leave. However, I believe that he's not coming back. The putz has left a trail of problems. Roach is having a difficult time locating more computer faculty. Who else but an idiot (like myself) would work for such low, peon wages? Sheesh! I was able to go to the gym earlier because my class at the university is winding down. Guess who was there? Yep, my favorite Asian babe.

My last set of hurdy-gurdy DVDs will be shipped tomorrow. I still have a few left, primarily my Brianna Banks and Tera Patrick collections. In fact, I had to order more Tera Patrick DVDs. That's my life now. All I do is collect hurdy-gurdy DVDs. I suspect that Pseudo-professor Robert does the same thing. He also has a cable broadband connection, so I am sure that he is downloading stuff like there's no tomorrow. He has most likely discovered Tera Patrick as well. That's probably why he's losin' it.

Thursday August 1

I shipped off another set of hurdy-gurdy DVDs. I am done with eBay for the time being. The experience is something I do not care to repeat. However, eBay is the epitome of consumerism. It is a network of cheap bastards who want something for nothing. People are selling the most inane crap. I am thankful that I was able to divest myself of a few possessions. I didn't make any money, but I also didn't contribute to the local refuse dump. There isn't much left for me to sell, especially on eBay. Shipping costs from Hawai'i are outrageous.

I ran into Pseudo-professor Robert on Fort Street Mall. We talked for a bit, but I wasn't really in the mood for idle chatter. As usual, we discussed the babe situation. Perhaps I was cranky because I had seen that babe Deena while I was walking to the Post Office. What a hottie! From my discussion with Pseudo-professor Robert, I gathered that he wants a drop-dead gorgeous babe. He has also been concerned about finding a higher paying job, but I believe his reasoning is that dinero attracts babes. What he does not understand is that he must snap into action. Babes rarely are going to make strong overtures toward any guy. All of that is covered in the Monk's Guide to Dating. It's surprising that the same old issues keep coming back just like a bad sitcom. The reason this happens is because no one is willing to snap into action. I told Pseudo-professor Robert that I am resigned to the monk life. Babes are not an issue for the ol' lavahead. I have my hurdy-gurdy DVD library. What more do I need?

Friday August 2

An uneventful day. Thank goodness. Yesterday, I restored my monk haircut at the College of Hair Design. This was the first time that I had my haircut done by a gorgeous babe. From what I could tell, she was part Polynesian. And, she did an excellent job. Shirley had sent me e-mail earlier in the day. Later in the evening, she called. We ended up talking for about two hours. One of her friends is visiting from the mainland, and they were planning to go out somewhere. Shirley asked if I wanted join them, but I knew better. She even said that she would drive from Kailua and pick me up here. I had already unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave. And, I was settled in for the evening with my favorite psychotic classical pieces on public radio.

I ran into Professor Darwin at the Post Office yesterday when I was mailing off the hurdy-gurdy DVDs. He was sending a package to his kids, who moved back with their mother in Colorado. He recently remarried to a former student of his. Certainly Pseudo-professor Robert would not mind if something like that were to happen to him. Quite possible, but a dangerous game to play. In the past few days, I've noticed that I have talking with a few more of my babe students again. In fact, one even commented that she did not think that I was very approachable. I have been much more detached ever since Roach tried to implicate me because of my friendship with Shirley. That left a bad taste in my mouth. Mind you, my goal is not to hook up with a babe. I am a monk.

Saturday August 3

It seems that my own predictions about the economy may soon become reality. Goldman Sachs has announced that it believes interest rates will fall by the end of the year. Most of my own analyses have been derived from the indicators in the alternative press. While the mainstream news sources are still puzzling over the "disappearance" of money in the market crash, the truth was fairly obvious — transfer of wealth from the unwitting masses to the ruling elite. The "zero-interest" plan is yet another Band-Aid. There will be another spurt of mortgage refinancing in which desperate fools will cash out more of their equity to fuel more buying sprees. Others will cash out their liquid assets and spend it all because the latter is essentially dwindling to nothing on its own. In the meantime, enormous amounts of money must be injected into the system to maintain some semblance of equilibrium. The economic extremists are predicting a staged "terrorist attack" as early as this month. The invasion of Iraq is slated to occur within two months of the "attack." The dismantling of Posse Comitatus will happen somewhere in between. More spurts of corporate corruption will occur at timed intervals to prolong economic collapse. As a rational person, I really have no other way to interpret these events. Conventional media sources expect us to believe that things "just happen," and the economy follows the premise of "now you see it, now you don't." Yet, any real explanation is discarded as conspiracy theory. I can't buy into that anymore.

I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair until it was time for me to walk to the gym. The walk was pleasant, even in the extreme heat. I did my usual mediocre workout. Later, I unwrapped my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my life with this pathetic routine. However, I do not have any alternatives. I could occupy my time with more benign activities, but I do not see the purpose. I would not have had any contact with the outside world this weekend were it not for the phone call from Shirley last night. Perhaps that is why I was on the edge today. When I minimize contact with people, I find that I have peace of mind.

Sunday August 4

I have tried to understand the insatiable lust for power exhibited by the ruling elite, but I just could not pinpoint it. Fortunately, I happened upon this explanation offered by Stuart Wilde at the extremist Web site of the same name: "People of a power-hungry demonic bent rise to the top, regardless of talent, and others who don't hold those same sentiments are removed or held back. Some of the most prominent people in the world — household names — are Satanists who hate humanity, who want this place as their special kingdom. They are not happy to just be rich and beyond the law. They want a supreme, god-like power over others. They want the power that the demonic offers. They want the world to suffer. They want a world that is forced to worship them and their ideals." Scary as this may sound, it is entirely plausible. The ruling elite of the New World Order is mentally ill, but they have enough money and power to rewrite the rules of normalcy.

Well, so far I have divested everything that was on my list. Depending on how I feel, I may go for broke and list everything else on eBay and be done with it. Sheesh! I thought of divesting my Palm IIIe since I don't use it much. It's sole purpose is to maintain my tax returns in spreadsheet form. I tried to analyze why I don't use it much or carry it with me. For one thing, it adds to the amount of crap that I must carry. In addition, I don't have a protective case for it. Finally, and this is important, I don't want people to tell me how outdated it is. That's exactly what fuels rampant consumerism. How many megapixels is it? How many gigahertz is it? How many megabytes does it have? People ask these inane questions without even knowing what the terms mean. Most people are also embarrassed to own outdated crap. Yet, what exactly do we mean by "outdated"?

What did I do today? Did you say, "coma"? Right you are! I stuffed my face with potato chips, ice cream, and other snacks to insure that I took in the proper nutrients. I did not go to the gym because I was too fatigued. My evening will consist of the usual Sunday night ritual with my Bose Acoustic Wave and my iBook. This is the life of a pauper.

Monday August 5

Al Martin almost threw in the towel! Yep, that's how bad it is. He said that he almost called his doctor to have the latter prescribe some Prozac for him. Al also linked a government Web site that uses the strange pyramid icon associated with the New World Order. I am even more convinced of his forthrightness. The markets are continuing to tank, just as Al and others have predicted.

Shirley and I ended up at Jamba Juice again for lunch. I have noticed that many people have been observing us. There have even been unusual comments muttered by Asylum students insinuating that something may be going on. It is quite comical. When we stepped into the crowded elevator, I noticed that Deena was in there as well. She looked over and turned away to avoid any eye contact. It was beyond obvious. When the doors opened, she dashed out. When we exited the building, Deena was acting suspiciously, walking in one direction, then turning and going the other way. Whassup wi' dat? Shirley also gave me a small present that she got in Japan. I haven't opened it yet. I received e-mail from Malia. She has been accepted into the Paralegal Program at one of the community colleges. The program is difficult to matriculate, as it accepts only one out of three applicants. I sure hope that Malia follows through with this opportunity.

My favorite Asian babe was at the gym by herself. As I was leaving, I noticed that she was walking in front of me. Baby was wearing that sexy black dress again. My hands were shaking as we ascended the steps. I deliberately fell back because I was losin' it. Baby is a hottie! One of the old studs said good-bye and called her "Mel." Fortunately, my final Tera Patrick DVD has arrived. Thus, my hurdy-gurdy DVD library is complete.

Tuesday August 6

Roach interrupted me in class to discuss the situation with Toad again. I could sense that he was aching to admit the slimy tadpole back in the Asylum. It must give him some kind of perverse pleasure knowing that Toad will end up incarcerated. I don't really care what Roach decides. He will have to live with his decision. I will most likely carry my Nova Spirit with me if Toad does end up back on campus. Even Kevin has had it with the Asylum. He is desperately trying to find a Federal job for obvious reasons. This has left me wondering about my own situation. However, I really don't want to work 40 or more hours per week, just so that I can earn more dough. I would be forced to buy a home just to cut down on my taxes. I can't see myself further entrenched in wage slavery when I only have myself to fend for. Of course, if I hooked up with my favorite Asian babe at the gym, then the situation would be different. Speaking of my favorite Asian babe, she was not at the gym when I first got there. As I was leaving, I saw baby on the pec machine. Baby was looking fine. Apparently, she had come in later than usual.

All of the offices for the pseudo-professors at the university will no longer be available. The space is being given to the regular faculty. I had to move a whole mess of stuff out of the office. Now, it's stacked up in the faculty computer room awaiting some new storage location. At this point, I believe that all of it will be deposited in the recycler. As I have said before, pseudo-professors are at the low end of the totem pole. We are treated like [dung] and are paid minimum wage. Perhaps Kevin is right. I need a Federal job as well. It's days like this that make me want to divest everything I own. The Nova Spirit is all that I need, along with a supply of lithium batteries for it. There are so many craniums deserving of a good jolt. Sheesh!

Wednesday August 7

Shirley and I ended up at Taco Bell for lunch. We ran into Pseudo-professor Robert. He joined us at our table. Shirley did not seem to be in good spirits today. I suspect that she's trying to figure out what she is going to do next, since she will graduate from the Asylum in two weeks. Later, I called the local Jeep dealer to get an idea of how much the parts will cost to fix my six-four. I was quoted $50 for the flexible circuit board and $65 for the oil gauge. What an outrage! My six-four is only worth about three AWU s maximum. Of course, I have to remember that my six-four has served me well for over a decade.

My favorite Asian babe was already at the gym when I arrived. Baby was on the lat machine. I did my short cardio session. As I walked out of the locker room, I saw baby exiting the women's locker room. She was wearing a shorter dress today. I almost lost it. What a hottie! It's easy to see why guys go bonkers over babes. Here I am, a monk, and I am still discussing babes. Then, I have to wonder what Pseudo-professor Robert was thinking when he saw that I was at Taco Bell with Shirley (who is an Asian babe as well). All of this is moot anyway.

Thursday August 8

One of my students, AJ, disclosed to me that there are a lot of students at the Asylum who cannot stand the ol' lavahead. I was not really surprised. Ever since Roach revealed his true colors, I have remained extremely detached from everyone. Shirley will be the last student that I will befriend in academia. The fact of the matter is that I do not trust anyone. I ran into quite a few colleagues at the faculty computer room at the university this afternoon. We are all displaced now, so we have nowhere to go. It is rather ludicrous. Later, I went to the gym. My favorite Asian babe was there again. I have to stop discussing baby because I may end up losing my mind if I continue. The whole situation now brings the monk life-style into question. I am actually wasting a lot of time on a trivial pursuit. I will never get to know baby. I will always just be admiring her from afar. That will only get me accused of stalking.

Alas, I believe that my fixation with my favorite Asian babe is a symptom of a larger problem. I am disillusioned and disheartened by everything around me. The walls are closing in. I can really only see a bleak future, which has been guaranteed by my own pathetic policies. The capstone, of course, has been my poor financial planning over the years. I am beginning to see where Pseudo-professor Robert is coming from, and why he has become an unwitting victim of his own anxieties. The real problem has nothing to do with babes or dinero. Rather, the issue is mortality. When all else fails in a meaningless life, we quickly turn to the most obvious of the tangibles and use the scarcity of the latter as a means of assessing our failures. It's a vicious circle, in which we come around to the beginning — a point that I call Square Zero. Lord knows, my favorite Asian babe would certainly be a fine addition to the ol' lavahead's repertoire. However, baby would probably be more trouble than she's worth. I'd have another handmaiden situation. Then, all hell will break loose. No thanks, sinister kahuna. I don't need any more grief.

Friday August 9

Like Al Martin, I wanted to throw in the towel and get some Prozac. For the first time, I experienced deep regret concerning my life decision of mendicance. The source of this dissatisfaction must be the sinister kahuna. Why else would I want to forsake my non-existence and pursue a life of hedonistic abandon? My mind imagined a different life, in which I spent money like there was no tomorrow. A new car. A place of my own. Then, I realized why I was thinking that way — I had seen my favorite Asian babe at the gym again. I envisioned what I would need to attract baby. This is exactly why Pseudo-professor Robert always brings up the matter that we could be "doing better than we are." What we need are high power, high paying jobs so we can attract young, drop-dead gorgeous babes. That is also why he is on medication. By the way, baby was on the abdominal machine right next to the entrance of the men's locker room when I walked by. Since I had my shades on, I was able to peruse baby and also observe that she was not wearing a ring. I was already feeling faint, but I felt extremely weak after that.

I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave when I returned home. I have been in a strange mood lately. Most likely, it has to do with my favorite Asian babe. However, as I mentioned yesterday, the real issue is mortality. As I rapidly approach the Viagra Years, I have nothing to say for myself. I am essentially a failure. This particular stressor is what pushed Pseudo-professor over the edge. And, as always, the issue boils down to the "situation" (as The Master refers to it). Right now, a good dose of the psychotic classical pieces on public radio seems to be the cure. Yet, one has to wonder how long this illusion will last before the next bout of derealization occurs.

Saturday August 10

Another weekend is upon us. Once again, I go through my usual ritual which entails sporadic comatose moments. Shirley sent e-mail saying that she has enrolled at Windward Community College. She plans to continue there for one term and then transfer to the university. I am already wary of her plans. She will spend all of her time in her stomping grounds. I am almost certain that she will slip back into the old local ways, perhaps even hooking up with some loser and his pimped-out Honda Civic. As I said before, Shirley will be the last student that I befriend. I will maintain complete detachment after that. I've heard too many woeful tales and have seen little remedial action.

In essence, boredom is going to be my demise. I have too much spare time, but I no longer wish to pursue any outside activities. I thought that I could deal with people in a social situation. My position has changed. I have learned that society is comprised of people who are extremely ungrateful, even though they have much more than I, and they are also saddled with problems of their own making. I have nothing in common with any of them. I find no purpose in associating with this brethren as it tends to drag me into the circle of grief. Hence, I have no choice but to remain a hermit. There will always be moments of stupidity like my fixation with my favorite Asian babe. Yet, if by some remote chance I hooked up with baby, then I would find myself in deep [dung]. Of course, if baby kept me sedated with extreme doses of da wild thing, then I would be able to justify the situation.

I walked to the gym and completed my usual workout without interference. When I returned home, I unwrapped my beloved Bose Acoustic Wave. As you have probably inferred, I wrap up my Bose Acoustic Wave when I'm done with it. I was forced to listen to 104 XME (formerly Extreme Radio) when the public radio station played some crappy program. I cannot really tolerate mainstream music anymore. I'll spend the evening listening to the psychotic classical pieces. Wheee!

Sunday August 11

When one searches for an answer, one expects to find some semblance of a solution. Not so the case with life. My analysis seems to consistently converge upon one answer — dinero. As both Kevin and Pseudo-professor Robert have pointed out, a better paying job is the answer to our problems. No matter whom I talk to in the world of wage slavery, the topic is always the same. No one makes enough dough. The truth be known — no one will ever make enough dough in the rank-and-file. As I have made so many concessions in order to meet my financial goals, I have also experienced what the destitute go through. It is literally a prison with no escape. No affordable diversions. No nothing.

I had to drive moms to Uncle Take's place in my six-four The drive to Pearl City was smoother than I expected. We had to attend a family party. The story is somewhat complicated. My grandfather had adopted a young girl a long time ago. This was sometime after he had emigrated to Hawai'i. My grandfather already had a family here, but he still owned property in Japan. No one was planning to move back to Japan, so he adopted a daughter and gave her the property. Uncle Tosh had no idea that she existed. Moms seemed a little surprised when she told me about it. So, my distant aunt came here to Hawai'i for a visit, and arrangements were then made for her to meet the rest of the family. There was a lot of good food. There were also a lot of people whom I did not know, most of them being the children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren of the clan. Only my cousin Stephanie and I are still unmarried. I didn't really fit in, nor did I try really hard. Strange, since my cousins and I were fairly close when we were kids. Now, we find little to even maintain a short conversation. Moms seemed to enjoy seeing everyone, so I did not mind being there. I was glad to return home. I unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave and listened to my usual Sunday night programs. I pondered how I have intentionally distanced myself from my relatives. One day, I will pay the price for that decision.

Monday August 12

I read an interesting article titled, "The Peak of World Oil Production and the Road to the Olduvai Gorge," by Richard Duncan. It is a fascinating treatise that resurrects the theorem about how the world as we know it will cease to exist once we deplete key natural resources. The Olduvai Model extrapolates on several antecedent models and appears to be extremely sound. Dale Pfeiffer, author and geologist, tied the Olduvai Model and its implications to what is currently happening on the stage of the world theater. He postulated, "You see, there is a lot more at stake here than just a continuation of the Cold War or US imperialistic greed. There is enough energy remaining in the world right now for us — the people — to take control and ease ourselves into a democratic, egalitarian, stable-state society. Or there is enough energy for the elite to build a feudalistic, fascist, police state with themselves at the top. This is the choice facing us right now, and this is what is truly at stake." Mike Ruppert had previously "connected the dots" on the From the Wilderness site, quoting extensively from Zbigniew Brzezenski's treatise.

For me, irrelevance has become a significant statistic. My favorite Asian babe was at the gym today. She was working out with her babe buddy. I am no longer concerned about my favorite Asian babe. I was merely distracted by my own stupidity. My ability to survive in the chaos, which will soon turn to anarchy, is my primary concern. Lord have mercy!

Tuesday August 13

An uneventful day. I have been proctoring exams this week at the Asylum. I have been backlogged with grading. The situation at the university is approaching critical mass since the loss of office space for pseudo-professors. The faculty elite has been holding committee meetings in the faculty computer room, which has left me with little in the way of alternative space. I have listened to a few of the discussions. These gasbags spend most of the time pumping up their own egos. Later, I attempted to see the new hovel that will serve as the office for over 200 losers. I couldn't get the damned lockbox open so, naturally, I was denied access to the key to open the office. Nothing else noteworthy. Shirley stopped by for a few seconds at the Asylum. I saw my favorite Asian babe at the gym. Baby is going to the gym earlier so I will be spared the agony of seeing her cavorting around the gym. I went to Long's to buy a battery for the answering machine and a can of insecticide. I have to spot treat sections of moms' house because of a recent termite infestation.

My thoughts continue to focus on the intolerable conditions of wage slavery as a precursor for asceticism. Actually, I came to realize that there is a method to the madness concerning the divestiture of all my possessions. In reading about the Olduvai Model, it became apparent to me that most of our personal "assets" are made up of electrical or electronic appliances, that is, after after the gas guzzler in the garage. These assets are not self-sufficient. Thus, without a source of power, these objects become useless. Oddly, these kinds of "assets" are the ones I have chosen to divest. Most of us believe that power and energy sources are infinite. Conservation does little for progress because it would lead to the demise of the consumerist culture. Yet, no one is truly aware of how close we are to anarchy. I remember the days back in Convalescent City when I lived in the projects known as Tropicana Village. There were a few nights that we had power outages. All hell broke loose. People were running amuck. It was like a wild party. Well, with Connolly and Ibo (John in Modesto) in the mix, mayhem was all that could be expected. Can you imagine the large-scale anarchy that would result from a global power outage? Even controlled outages would require martial law to maintain order. The only survivors of this kind of mayhem will be the ones who have armed themselves and become self-sufficient. As I continue to fit pieces into the puzzle, I see the real conspiracy for what it is. I can see the pyramid of the New World Order.

Wednesday August 14

Well, we have been given a reprieve from economic collapse. The Feds decided not to lower interest rates. However, there is still nothing to cheer about. Shirley and I ended up at Jamba Juice for lunch. I discussed my concerns with her because I will not see her for a long time. There's not much more than can be said. Shirley's life decisions are her own to make. I saw my favorite Asian babe at the gym because she apparently went there at her regular time. Baby left the gym about 15 minutes before I did. As I was standing at the bus stop across the street, I saw baby emerge from the promenade that traverses Starbuck's and my bank (in the same building as the gym). The few times that I had seen baby leave the gym, I observed that she walked makai down Bishop Street and disappeared into the same building that the handmaiden once worked. Vanessa was at the Asylum this morning, but she didn't stop by to chat. Usually when people avoid me, they have something to hide. These days, I am finding that everyone has something to hide. So far, only Shirley appears to be straight-up.

Thursday August 15

Shirley stopped by my class at the Asylum to drop off information for a reference letter that she wanted me to write. She was wearing a dress today. "Whoa! Shirley, you're really dolled up today. Don't let Roach see you, or he'll start howling like a hound." I said. "Then, I'd have to put him out of his misery." Shirley is actually quite a babe. There will be a lot of guys trying to hook up with her when she attends the community college. Sheesh! I have graded eight sets of exams with only one left. So far, the results have been terrible. The median is about 60 percent. Thus, the "average" student at the Asylum performs at the failing level. Well, my favorite Asian babe was at the gym with her babe buddy again. As I walking down the stairs, I saw her right below. I almost fell over and tumbled down the stairs.

Tomorrow is a holiday. I have already unwrapped my Bose Acoustic Wave for a late evening of psychotic classical pieces on public radio. Moms was upset because she went to the bank in Kahala to get Mr. Turd's birth certificate from her safety deposit box and ended up bringing home the wrong document. Moms' is afraid that Mr. Turd will erupt in a tirade. So pathetic. Mr. Turd needs the birth certificate to get a passport. He is apparently going to Canada for some reason. I did not bother to ask why. I could care less.

I am contemplating the purchase of gold, possibly in the form of Krugerrands. I want to use any surplus beyond my annual savings goal for that purpose. It sounds a little nutty, but buying gold is much more prudent than adding to my hurdy-gurdy DVD library. I am not even sure if I will purchase the new version of Mac OS X (called "Jaguar"). Everything is vanity.

Friday August 16

Today was a holiday. I was looking forward to a day of relaxation. I mailed in my paychecks, and felt a sense of accomplishment because I made my financial goal of 75 AWUs. My feeling of limited euphoria was cut short by a call from Caroll. She is now back in Santa Cruz. The tone of the conversation was different, and I knew where it was going. After I heard yet another pathetic tale of how she bounced a check made out to an auto mechanic and that a complaint was filed with the District Attorney, I was asked for a "loan." To make a long story short, I sent off $750 to Caroll knowing that I will never see that money again. That's a significant amount of dough. My day was essentially ruined. Actually, my whole Summer is ruined. I have had a gut feeling that Caroll has wanted to hit me up for money now for over a year. None of her siblings appear willing to help. "They think I'm crazy," she told me. In fact, one of Caroll's sisters lives a few blocks away from her. They have probably helped her out a number of times already. I suspect that Caroll will ask me for more dough before the year is over. I have a two-week unpaid vacation commencing next week, so I am short quite a bit of income. I have my car registration to pay this month. I also incurred some debt by joining the IEEE Computer Society to meet the "professional development" requirement for the damned Asylum. The Asylum stiffed me for the reimbursement.

In retrospect, I am very wary about this situation. Caroll did not thank me profusely. In fact, she seemed perturbed that I could not immediately wire her the cash. I explained that I don't have any money in my bank in Hawai'i. I said that I could write a check. She wanted a money order sent by second-day mail. I sent the check by priority mail because second-day delivery was $15 more. I don't think that she is even grateful for what I am doing. Many times, Caroll had expressed resentment toward me because she thought that I was living a pampered, expense-free life. This is the "entitlement" thinking that is prevalent these days. Caroll has no idea what I've been through to save that dough.

Perhaps I should have let her suffer the consequences. Caroll never lives within her means. She always rents a large place, and then seeks roommates from her peers at Alcoholics Anonymous. None of those people have ever proven to be reliable. Caroll has been in bankruptcy since she lost the condominium that she purchased in Salinas. She was relieved of her credit card debt, but she defaulted on her student loans. She drives with no car insurance. She has stiffed a number of landlords in every city she's moved to. Her cell phone account was terminated because she was in arrears. She has no health insurance. Yet, she cannot part with her two cats. She does not remain at any place of employment for long, even though she made good money at few of them. Needless to say, I am merely prolonging her agony at my own expense.

By late afternoon, I felt extremely nauseous. I wanted to deliver street pizza for being so stupid as to give away money. I walked to the gym and completed a longer cardio workout. As I was walking home, I became perturbed. I realized that I have made several personal sacrifices to save money, yet I was stupid enough to give away $750 to someone who can't stop spending. Why? Caroll had told me a few months ago that she was in "survival" mode. I should have known then that "survival" mode is a selfish state. Caroll has probably burned all her bridges just for some petty cash. I will try to have faith that the loan will be repaid, but I know better.

Saturday August 17

I woke up at 4am and made a call to American Century, my investment firm. I put a stop payment request on the check en route to Caroll. There were too many troubling signs of a ruse being perpetrated. My initial hunch was the fact that Caroll never called me back as promised. The whole deal smacked of a used car dealer scam, something Caroll knows well since she has spent the last few years selling cars. The first phone call was frantic. She sounded desperate for help, even crying at certain points. She needed $600 right away because the DA was allegedly filing felony charges against her for passing a bad check. She had missed the $25 token payment for August that was supposedly negotiated with the DA. She didn't ask for a loan, although she disclosed that she owed about $600 or so. Then, she claimed that she had to go to the DA's office for more details and would call me back in an hour. The second phone call, allegedly after seeing the DA, was interesting. The DA was described as being a "bully," demanding full payment of a newly revised figure of $748 or so. That's when she told me that her family thought that she was "crazy" and "doing drugs." Then, she asked for a loan. In retrospect, this reminded me of a transaction at a car dealership. The supposed trip to the DA's office was like the proverbial "I've got to get approval from my manager" routine. This is how a sale is closed. My gut instinct tells me that I am correct. The fact that she never called back also tells me that she was certain the deal was closed, and that was that.

It saddens me to think that a once-trusted friend has become a predator, willing to do anything (except what is sensible) to survive. Caroll knew my financial position because I described my strategy to her. I had hoped that she would incorporate some of my ideas to regain solvency. Apparently, all that did was create the illusion that I was a possible benefactor. Over the past five years, I have seen Caroll become increasingly fixated on money. After a while, that's all she ever talked about. She often elucidated that her calling was sales because she was able to use her counseling background effectively to maximize her commissions. There were always constants in the conversations — the other sales people, primarily the men, who were plotting against her; management was comprised of "bullies" and using "bullying" tactics; endless money and roommate problems; the continuing dependence on AlAnon and the church, and so forth. It was a clearly defined pattern.

I am noticing the increasing numbers of people who have turned into greedy predators. Within my family, we have the Ninja Turds. Our society has gone berserk with greed, which just really brings out the ugliness that festers below the surface. I had to make extreme sacrifices in how I live in order to save the small amount that I did. By outward appearances, I look as though I am destitute. If I had the means, then I would probably indulge in more luxuries. Most people can't wait for anything. They live the credo of instant gratification. A case in point is the handmaiden. With each passing day, more and more people sell their souls to the sinister kahuna for a chance to live in the lap of luxury.

I walked to the gym and did my usual workout. I have been thinking about this situation of treachery and betrayal all day. Caroll never called, by the way. That speaks volumes. I am completely disillusioned. I can only hope that the stop payment request is completed on Monday. The obsession with money often produces a demonic personality. I felt this myself when I became fixated with maximizing my investments. A very ugly personality surfaces. There is contention, envy, covetousness, resentment. This is where the bulk of society is heading. I received a prospectus from Prudent Bear Funds. The analysis in the preface of the semi-annual report was very interesting. It discussed the current fragile economy. What was most interesting is that I could extrapolate the reasons why society is going to hell in a handbasket, which explains why good people have fallen to the wayside and become greedy predators. Perhaps I will discuss this later. For now. I am going to try to relax and find some meaning in life. My faith in humanity is shaken. It may be time to break out Viktor Frankl's book again.

To be continued ... Go to M.13

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