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Glass Menagerie
The Year of Living Dangerously

Monday December 2, 2002

Toward the latter part of last night, I began to feel rejuvenated. Then, my mind started playing tricks on me. Yep, I was thinking about the former "limerant object." Emotions were ramping up again. Thank goodness for Hearts of Space. Actually, I am of clearer mind than I was a few weeks ago, most likely because I crossed into the "senior citizen" realm. Nonetheless, I believe that I am on a collision course with destiny. I am still wearing the same pathetic dress shoes. My new Rockports are still in the box. My Dockers slacks are also looking a little ratty. Who cares? American Century could go under at any time, and I'd lose all my dough. Does it matter?

The last express bus to town came by early and left many of us stranded this morning. I ended up on the street bus. It was quite an ordeal, although I ended up arriving in town just 30 minutes later than usual. This was the first day of the new term at the Asylum. Mary Ann came by my class while I was lecturing, so we did not have a chance to chat. Astonishingly, I was not the least bit affected. I believe that the situation has finally been mummified. I have come to my senses and faced the facts. Before I become too smug, I should preface the latter by stating that the danger is clearly not over yet. Perhaps, it is just beginning.

Tuesday December 3

I was extremely fatigued this morning. I went to sleep early last night, but I was wide awake at 3am. When I finally lapsed into a coma again, I experienced an unusual dream in which a luscious Asian babe was seducing the ol' lavahead in the Diploma Mill computer lab. What is most unusual is that I can still visualize the dream babe's face and every nuance of her perfect body. I woke up just before I was about to do da wild thing with her. Although I can remember every detail of her face, I have no idea who she is. The rest of the day was uneventful. Mary Ann came by my class while I was lecturing, so I did not get to chat with her. So far, the "out of sight, out of mind" strategy has been successful. I had to stop in the Arts & Sciences office at the Diploma Mill. I managed to talk with Lori, one of the people who interviewed Mary Ann. From what I can tell, Mary Ann will get the offer. So, she will probably only be at the Asylum for another two weeks. Out of sight, out of mind. Coincidentally, I no longer receive e-mail from her. As for me, I have prohibited myself from initiating any form of contact with her. I have far too many other things to worry about. As it stands, I may have one class canceled at the Diploma Mill for the next term. That will reduce my income. The prophesy (see November 22nd) is beginning to come true.

Well, at least I have not fallen prey to the materialistic stupidity of the holiday season. In an article "reprinted" in the McClendon Report, Christopher Byron sums it up well: "As we once again enter that annual (and uniquely American) ritual known as the Holiday Shopping Season — that is, when everything we hold dearest as a nation is said to depend on our collective willingness to scrape together every last dollar we've either already got or can possibly borrow, and haul it to the mall and spend it on (literally) anything." So true. Well, at least life has returned to normal for the oversized cranium. Once a monk, always a monk.

Wednesday December 4

An uneventful day at the Asylum. Mary Ann came by my class this morning. We chatted for only about 15 minutes. She is very excited about the prospect of working at the Diploma Mill. Thus ends the saga of the former "limerant object." My afternoon at the Diploma Mill was not good. I expected to complete a good portion of my grading. However, one of my more troublesome students came by. He failed to turn in his term research paper and projects on time. He wasted over an hour of my time in a feeble attempt to discredit me. I had sent e-mail notices, posted an announcement on the class Web site, and announced all of this in class in the middle of November. Later, I discovered that he had called someone in the administration to file a false complaint about me, alleging that I had violated his rights under the American Disabilities Act. Yes, he is covered under ADA for a supposed "learning disability." Although, throughout the term, he spent most of his time trying to con me with his goofball stories. Naturally, I am being called in like a schoolboy gone bad. My guess is that I am going to have to cut him a deal. I will give him an "A" grade for work that is sight unseen. In return, he will retract his complaint and notify the administration in writing of my exemplary performance in accommodating his ADA needs and my unique pedagogy to meet the latter. He has threatened my source of income. I have no other choice. On a lighter note, Alana came by to turn in her work as per our agreement. She was very happy because she won the Southern Cali American Coed Pageant. She also thanked me for helping her out. The reference letter that we "co-authored" was necessary for her to enter the pageant. Well, these are example of what I do as "marginal" faculty. Sometimes it turns out well. At other times, it's a can of worms.

I downloaded the latest version of PGP Freeware for Mac OS X, but I have not installed it yet. The new "homeland security" provisions will allow for surveillance on anyone. So, better safe than sorry. If and when I install it, I will make the public key available to my remaining friends and associates. The only defense we have to these "Big Brother" tactics is to become invisible as best as possible. As a monk, I know this strategy all too well.

Thursday December 5

Another uneventful day at the Asylum. Mary Ann came by my class to show me a copy of the condescending e-mail she had received from Mr. Quixtar. She had queried the faculty about a book evaluation form. The prick even had the gall to point out a spelling error in the form. Later, Mary Ann came by again to chat for a few minutes. She told me that Randy, the admissions clown, was canned yesterday. She had to go downstairs to remove a few external peripherals from his computer. Vivian, the human resources manager, was there. Randy was apparently boxing up his crap. "Why don't you try for that job?" I asked Mary Ann. She said that she didn't want it. "Oh, that's right, you're just waiting for that phone call from [the Diploma Mill]." She grinned.

I went to see the ADA director at the Diploma Mill this afternoon. The meeting was humorous because I hammed it up when I was describing how the troublesome student was badgering me yesterday. I also mentioned that the instructor from the class prior was still there when the incident occurred. The instructor was my department chair. Actually, the whole situation was ludicrous. Here is an excerpt from my conversation with the student:

"You gotta pass me, man. I can't go through this again," he begged. "I'm flunking my two other classes."

"Well, did you do this to your other instructors?" I asked.

"No, man. They are not understanding like you," he said, in a feeble attempt to butter me up. "I love you, man. I worship the ground you walk on. You are my idol, man."

"You need to relax, man." I retorted. "You need to go outside, buy a soda, and chill. Go sit in the shade, and come back at 4 o' clock, man."

This went on, over and over again. Then, he came back at 4pm. That's when he accused me of violating the ADA. Then, to make matters worse, I discovered that he had gone to see the ADA director before his return. The ADA director was cordial. In actuality, she already knew that he was trouble. However, she wants me to accept the late work in order to avoid a possible lawsuit. I will see the student tomorrow. I will read him the riot act before I make the concession. I was talking with a few other faculty before I had gone to see the ADA director. I told the whole story and hammed it up with the quotes. Everyone was laughing. Why am I privy to this kind of nonsense? No one else goes through this [dung]. Is it because I am the Keeper of Lost Lives?

I was trying to relax in my favorite chair when I came home. Moms was frying some fish in the chili oil again. Naturally, I had to run out of the house because I was choking from the fumes. During dinner, moms said that she has to buy a tube so she can view religious videos. I told moms that the idea was ridiculous because she would have buy a tube, some kind of media player, and a cabinet. The tube is also useless without cable because only one station can barely be received in Hawai'i Kai. Finally, I neglected to mention that the oil pressure gauge in my six-four is still not functioning. I believe that the sender has gone bad.

Friday December 6

Mary Ann came by my class several times to chat. She mentioned that her troublesome cousin and her grandmother are leaving for the Philippines tomorrow. She still has not heard anything from the Diploma Mill. She also said that she thought about calling Lori to follow up, but was a little hesitant. I told her that it couldn't hurt. Later, she came by and dropped a note on my desk. "That's a private memo," she said, as she left. Apparently, Mary Ann had called Lori and felt as though she had made a fool of herself. I found Mary Ann in the student lounge, having lunch with a couple of the babes from student services. "Boss," I called out, just then realizing that I had slipped. I promised not to call her that anymore. Then, I realized that Roach was sitting at same table. Mary Ann looked displeased. Roach made some kind of attempt at humor. "You wouldn't want her as a boss," he said. "They call her 'The Intimidator.'" I almost delivered street pizza.

The troublesome student showed up a little after two o' clock. I was sitting in my classroom at the Diploma Mill by myself. He was much more calm today. He apologized for his actions. We ended up having a pleasant chat. I offered him a bit of friendly advice concerning the proper method of handling these kinds of problems. In the end, I felt as though I may have made a difference in his life. Only time will tell. I completed more of my grading, but there is quite a stack remaining. When I returned home, I took a quick shower. I sent e-mail to Mary Ann as possible damage control. Pseudo-professor John came by at 6:30pm. We ate dinner at Zippy's in Koko Marina. Naturally, we talked about the babe situation. I tried to persuade him to snap into action. Otherwise, he may end up like the ol' lavahead. Shirley had called earlier. I left a message on her voice mail because she said that she had to attend a play tonight as part of a class assignment. It's raining hard right now. I'm just glad to be home.

Saturday December 7

Mary Ann responded to my e-mail. She said that she had sent an earlier e-mail, but I did not receive it. Mary Ann was offered the position at the Diploma Mill. I could sense excitement in the tone of her e-mail. Her final decision will be made next week, but I believe that she will accept the offer. I don't expect to see or hear from her after that. Mary Ann really looked good yesterday. Whenever she leaves her hair down, she is so alluring. Well, I really don't want to delve into that matter any further. It's a done deal. Mary Ann also mentioned that Roach was probing her for information about the ol' lavahead. This was right after I had called her "Boss" in the student lounge with the pathetic insect sitting there. The asswipe wanted to know how I was doing and whether I was happy at the Asylum. Why is he asking Mary Ann?

Four faculty members, including Kevin and I, received e-mail from Bug concerning classroom evaluations. Bug has made provisions for both announced and unannounced "visitations" (plural), which means that the harassment is about to increase. I believe that the other faculty received an entirely different e-mail. I am trying to obtain a copy because we are beginning to see clear signs of discrimination. I am planning to reinstate "security lockdown" to make the classroom "visitations" appear to all as an intrusion and part of a reign of terror.

I was completely fatigued for most of the day. This has been a trying week. However, I will be truthful. Knowing that Mary Ann is leaving the Asylum soon has caused some emotional distress. I am fully aware that I will lose contact with her. It has taken three months to become a trusted acquaintance. However, I am still not part of her closed circle of friends. This research has been somewhat academic, in that I have proven how difficult it is for an outsider to become part of local social circles without the network infrastructure of mutual friends or extended family. In addition, local babes are too aloof. My advice to single guys in Hawai'i — buy a really good computer. Sheesh!

I lapsed in and out of a coma until I finally decided to walk to the gym. I did my usual workout, but I did not feel invigorated, which only leads me to believe that I am "in a funk" (as Steph would say) over the former "limerant object." What really gets to me is how hard it is to control emotions and feelings. It is not simply a case of mind over matter as I previously thought. It is so much simpler to just be a good monk (read: eunuch).

Sunday December 8

After I uploaded the journal last night, I discovered that Shirley had sent e-mail. The message was brief, just saying that she was home and to give her a call. So, I called her. We ended up chatting for 3.5 hours. I was basically keeping her company while she worked a small project for Ramona. Shirley confirmed my findings about local social interactions. I asked her what she would specifically do in certain hypothetical situations (i.e., how she would show interest in a guy she does not know; how she would respond to a guy who is interested in her) devoid of any network infrastructure. Any guy pursuing a local babe must possess a high degree of confidence and psychological stamina. There could be an extended period of what appears to be only unilateral interest. The so-called "chase" must be accelerated, but there may be little reciprocation, if any. Only until the relationship is officially determined will there be a high level of commitment on the part of the local babe. This can be likened to wandering in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. Shirley also asked me if I thought that Erin (the English instructor) was a babe, In fact, she thought that Erin was much prettier than her in comparison. I quickly cleared this matter up. When Shirley is dolled up (like on the B-day night), there is no possible way that Erin could hold a candle to her. "You're a hottie," I said. The only reason that Erin attracted a lot of guys is because she was assertive and always in constant flirtation mode. Shirley, on the other hand, is much more reserved and aloof.

I am really fortunate to have Shirley as a friend. I don't expect to have that kind of friendship with the former "limerant object." It's really no loss. As I look back at the last few weeks, I see how I've wasted too much time on that nonsense. Tomorrow is another day. I will have to wake up and face the mirror like Roy Sheider in All That Jazz — "It's showtime!" Caroll has just been hired by Safeway, according to her latest e-mail. She was working at 7-11 previously. This was probably a good move. The sales job was turning her into a money maniac. I hope that we can restore our friendship to the way it was in the days of old. I walked to the gym and did my usual workout. Then, I returned home. I did my extended yardboy chores. I will spend the rest of the evening with my beloved iBook and my Bose Acoustic Wave.

Monday December 9

The reign of terror at the Asylum has commenced. Bug made a "visitation" to my class. Kevin was also privy to a "visitation." Mary Ann accepted the position at the Diploma Mill. Rather than start immediately, she opted to stay at the Asylum until the end of the month. Frankly, I have no idea why. I am beginning to wonder if she will change her mind. I spent the rest of the afternoon grading. I still have a long way to go. Pseudo-professor Robert was in the faculty computer room when I dropped off my stuff. He is not looking good. Although he has not put on any more weight, he is graying rapidly. The sad part is that he is four years younger than I. We briefly discussed the babe situation. I told him that we must take action before it is too late. I am certain that he sees the gravity of the situation, Yet, I wonder what it would take to make any of us snap into action.

Shirley called because I had sent e-mail to her in answer to a question about transfer credits. We did not chat for very long. I will spend the rest of the evening contemplating my pathetic situation. This will be a long and trying year — the Year of Living Dangerously. The tribulation has already increased. I believe that I will be pushed to the edge of sanity, beyond what I have previously experienced. I am fearful because I don't know whether I will make it out unscathed, if at all.

Tuesday December 10

I have reinstated "security lockdown" at the Asylum. No "visitations" today. Mary Ann did not stop by to chat. I restored my monk haircut. It's the stupid haircut that a lot of the punks have — the one that looks like a toupée on a billiard ball. I went to the gym after that. My favorite Asian babe was there. When she works out alone, she leaves at about the same time that I do. She had already gone to the locker room. I was just done with the StairMaster. To avoid seeing her head-on in the main aisle, I went a roundabout way to the water fountain. Just as I traversed the aisle, baby walked out of the locker room. We almost collided with each other. She is such a hottie! As I was departing the gym, I could hear "Baby" by Ashanti playing on the sound system.

Shirley sent e-mail. She thanked me for the transfer credit information and she brought up our Sunday evening conversation:

I also want to let you know that it was nice talking to you the other night. What you said was very flattering (even though you didn't mean it to be). However, I am still finding it hard to believe. To me, Erin is close to model material. I, on the other hand, am plain. You really should've seen her on her wedding day. She looked perfect; nearly flawless. I'm sure you would think differently if you saw her then.

I had to set her straight. I see Erin almost daily at the Asylum. Yes, she is pretty. She is also always dressed up for work. Shirley normally wears casual clothes (e.g., jeans, etc.) so she doesn't really stand out. However, when she is dolled up, there is no way that Erin can hold a candle to her. Shirley is a hottie. She may even give my favorite Asian babe a run for the money. Then again, maybe not.

Wednesday December 11

An uneventful day. Mary Ann came by my class this morning. We chatted for 20 minutes. She completed the paperwork at the Diploma Mill yesterday, so it's a done deal. She officially starts work on December 30th. In less than two weeks, I will probably not see her again for a long time. At the Diploma Mill, I only spent about 20 minutes doing my grading. I had to visit the math department chairperson to see if I could pick up another class to facilitate. So far, everything is up in the air. I am certain that my programming class will be canceled. I was able to go to the gym later. My favorite Asian babe was not there.

I downloaded the new version of Netscape last night. It finally implements the Mozilla pop-up window eliminator. I also downloaded the latest version of Fetch. And, I finally installed PGP Freeware. Am I livin' large, or what? I downloaded some Unix crap, but I could not install any of it. Perhaps I'll just experiment with PGP Freeware for the rest of the evening. Maybe I can send myself an encrypted e-mail. Sheesh!

Thursday December 12

Mary Ann came by my class this morning. She had a question about laying out an invitation in Word. She also mentioned that she had a brief conversation with the ever comedic Roach:

"Roach said, 'Now that you're going to be working at [the Diploma Mill], you'll be able to see your buddy all the time.' I thought he was talking about Roe," she said. Roe used to work at the Asylum as a database administrator. She is now employed by the Diploma Mill.

"And?" I asked, waiting for the punch line.

"He was talking about you."

That Roach is a real cut-up, isn't he? No doubt, his real purpose was to let us all know that he, Der Führer, was aware of the alleged "fraternization" going on under his watch. Mary Ann looked really fine today. My mind was ready to snap. However, I maintained my composure. In another week, I'll probably never see or hear from her again. Of course, it is fun to think that Roach will be stewing in his own juices as he imagines the ol' lavahead cavorting around with baby, completely out of his jurisdiction. What a maroon! Later, I mentioned the incident to Kevin. "We really need to take care of this guy," he said. Kevin also mentioned that Bug made another surprise "visitation" to his class.

I asked Mary Ann about how any of the staff are able to put up with Roach's feeble attempts at comedy. She then mentioned when a few of the staff were privy to one of his knee-slappin' anecdotes. Apparently, Roach was attempting to teach his ex-babe to ride a bike. "He said that he forgot to tell her how to use the brakes and she crashed into a wall," she added. That's why he's a real "ladies' man," I told her. She also asked me what high school I attended for no apparent reason. The rest of the day was uneventful. I'll be spending the evening with my beloved iBook as usual.

Friday December 13

Today is yet another Sinister Kahuna Day. How many have we had this year? Sheesh! When I went to get a cup of coffee this morning, Mary Ann was washing her coffee mug. We chatted for a few minutes. Then, she walked to my class with me. We ended up chatting outside my classroom for about 20 minutes. She mentioned that Roach has gone on vacation again. Roach has planned a surprise B-day party for his wife tomorrow. He made a PowerPoint presentation for the occasion. Being the comedian that he is, he included a picture of his wife wearing a swimsuit. Mary Ann saw the presentation because Roach had asked for help. She did not feel that the swimsuit picture was appropriate. "I thought you said he was a ladies' man," she said. "He is," I responded. "He's trying to show everyone the power he has over women." We also discussed her new position at the Diploma Mill. She mentioned that Roe "acts really old." That's usually the way people conduct themselves in a formal office environment, I told her. I sense that Mary Ann is a little apprehensive about working at the Diploma Mill. I am certain that she will miss the old gang at the Asylum. And, as always, I could not help but notice what a hottie she is.

There was a luncheon at the Asylum. Kevin and I came in late because of our classes. We ate and left immediately when the stupid party games commenced. The food wasn't too great. Mary Ann was sitting at another table. Raelynn was sitting next to her. I walked to the Diploma Mill. Professor Gordo was in the faculty computer room. He mentioned that a Dean at some university on the mainland was canned for being in a relationship with a student. That, of course, led into a discussion about the babe situation. He made a good case for the single life, essentially "serial monogamy." In these times, marriage is clearly a game in which the guy usually ends up the big loser. Later, I went to the gym for a quick cardio workout.

Shirley called and left a message. I called her back this evening. We chatted for a few minutes. She was upset because she lost a pedometer that Ramona had lent her. Our conversation spanned over three different calls. I created my PGP key pair last night and uploaded the public key to a keyserver. Finally, I saw Melinda on the express bus this morning. She is a former Asylum student and a hottie. She sat across from me. She doesn't talk to me, most likely because she failed my class. That's fine, because I don't want another "limerant object" situation. I am a monk.

Saturday December 14

Gold prices shot up in the last two days, which means that the dollar is weakening. I finally figured out that low interest rates means "cheap and plentiful money." In other words, the money supply has been flooded with currency to facilitate increased consumer spending. Spending is only going to further our balance of payments problem. I believe that there is going be a cascading series of bad economic news commencing in January. I am certain that I should move at least a quarter of my life savings into gold. The rest should be deposited in an insured CD bank account. I should also rollover my entire IRA into a similar account. So, what am I waiting for?

I was in a bad way for most of the day, most likely because I have nothing else to do except to lapse in and out of a coma. I walked to the gym and only did part of my mediocre workout. I will spend the evening with my beloved iBook and Bose Acoustic Wave, as usual.

Sunday December 15

The same issues continue to plague the oversized cranium. I've already discussed these issues ad nauseam in the journal, so I spared myself the agony of revisiting them for now. Last night, I performed a search on the Net for reflector telescopes. I am thinking of purchasing one early next year to add to my repertoire of monastic utensils. The universe is amazing. It serves to remind us about how puny we all are. I requested a couple of catalogs out of curiosity. The view of the night sky is hampered by all of the ambient light in the 'hood, so I may just forsake the whole idea. I've got too much useless crap as it is. The existential vacuum (read: boredom as per Frankl) is what fuels the desire to buy useless crap. The mind desires to do something useful, but relegates itself to whatever "pacifiers" are available. It is interesting to note that I can essentially afford to purchase almost anything that I want, yet I continue to deny myself. Although I have spent a lot of dough this year, my only vanity purchase was OS X for my iBook. Well, I should also include my pathetic hurdy-gurdy DVD library.

The Ninja Turds stopped by this afternoon. I left for the gym almost immediately. When I returned home, I accomplished quite a bit of grading. I am now completely fatigued. My greatest fear is that I will end up penniless after the economy collapses. My compulsion to divest myself of useless possessions has increased to paranoid proportions. I've been eating all kinds of junk food. Maybe I should purchase that reflector telescope.

Monday December 16

An uneventful day at the Asylum. Kevin has become increasingly agitated with Roach. He wants to contract out a "facial" for Roach. I suggested that we let nature run its course. A clown like Roach will eventually earn a "facial" on his own. I saw Mary Ann walking around, but she was extremely distant again. I was unaffected. Gold prices increased again. I am now contemplating the liquidation of one of my mutual funds in order realize a tax benefit from the capital loss. I plan to eliminate almost all of my e-mail accounts because of the junk (read: "spam") e-mail. I also plan to initiate full PGP security before the first of the new year. The public key will be freely available.

Tuesday December 17

Oh, for crying out loud! I just discovered that Hawai'i is one of the first 20 states to enact the Model State Emergency Health Powers Act (MEHPA), which means that residents here could be forced to be inoculated with the smallpox vaccine. This is yet another test case to see how much control can be exerted upon the sheep by the Fascist powers-that-be. We are being delivered to hell in a handbasket and no one is complaining. Sheesh! Another uneventful day at the Asylum. I discovered that someone gave gifts to all of the faculty except the ol' lavahead. That's a dickless message to say that my time is limited. Mary Ann came by to ask a ridiculous question. I was in the middle of a lecture, so I just gave her a terse answer. I finally finished my grading for the Diploma Mill. I am officially done for the term.

The curious tale of Pseudo-professor Amber's disappearance is now surfacing. I had inadvertently discovered some of the details when I was in the Arts & Sciences office a couple of weeks ago. A couple of students were wondering about how they were going to take their final exams. Pseudo-professor Amber had disconnected her phone and left no details concerning her whereabouts. Even in official circles, the account varied from a death in the family to an incurable illness. This afternoon, I was in the faculty computer room with Pseudo-professor Ralph and Professor Russell when the conversation came up. There are many puzzling and suspicious loose ends about her. She was supposedly married, but no one ever saw her husband. What was even more interesting is that she always dressed scandalously for her classes. Male students were always following her around. I had seen her walking around town with a male student one day. Shirley and I were at Jamba Juice at the time. Professor Russell mentioned that she had shown him poems and other written work by male students, most of which were laced with strong sexual connotations. I often observed that she flirted indiscreetly with most guys, although she has never flirted with the ol' lavahead. She did not use her married name, and no one is certain that she was using her real surname. There is no question that she was a practicing attorney, but why did she give up a lucrative career to become an underpaid pseudo-professor? A strange story.

Wednesday December 18

The handmaiden sat in an adjacent seat on the express bus and chatted with me this morning. I was not particularly enthused. The conversation was innocuous enough. My guess is that the sole purpose was to tell me that she and her BoyToy have bought a new house in Hawai'i Kai. In retrospect, I am not sure why I was so distraught by my parting of ways with the handmaiden. I have nothing in common with her and our values have obviously always conflicted. The trip to town took about 40 minutes, so I was not in a great mood when I arrived. The day was uneventful. Mary Ann came by my class this morning. We chatted for about 20 minutes, but I was not in the mood for idle chatter. I had previously thought about providing Mary Ann with my contact information since I will not see her again after Friday. However, I believe that I will pass on the idea and let her fade into distant memory. She was looking real fine in her pinstripe suit today. I cannot even begin to describe how I am still very attracted to her.

At the Diploma Mill, Professor Brian and I chatted about Pseudo-professor Amber. I am even more convinced that she was not who she made herself out to be. I am not buying the story about the incurable illness. Professor Brian affords her more leeway than I do because he was caught up in her spell. I suspect that something really scandalous was afoot. Aside from that, I am at the point where I feel detached from everything and everyone. I have returned to the state of an automaton, just like the old days. Does it really matter? I am rapidly approaching the end of my days. I don't need any more grief.

Thursday December 19

Moms told me early this morning that she had to take the bus to the Ninja Turd's place immediately. The little crapper was sick again, so guess who has to "baby-sit"? Frankly, I am getting a little tired of this charade. The Turds are trying to generate enough sympathy so they will be invited back to accept their inheritance (read: Moms' house) as early as possible. At the Asylum, Mary Ann came by my class this morning. She mentioned that Roach had come down on her about something. She was quite upset. She didn't stay long because she was afraid that Der Führer would see her in my class. That's when I realized why Roach had looked in my class twice this morning. I thought that the prick was becoming more brazen about his surveillance. He must have been looking for Mary Ann. The faculty meeting was a loser. Hardly anyone was there. Mary Ann came in late. She did not sit next to the ol' lavahead. I talked with her briefly after the meeting. "It's time to break out the roach spray," I told her. "We need to put the [fumigation] tent over him," she added. I saw Mary Ann downstairs smoking a cigarette as I was leaving the building. I chatted with her again. She was still perturbed. I suggested that she just resign tomorrow. Why stay any longer? For some reason unbeknownst to me, she wants to stay on until the bitter end.

Gold prices continue to rise. I have made no changes to my financial portfolio even amidst the warning signs. I returned home to a quiet house. This was very disconcerting to me. I will be downloading the latest update for Mac OS X tonight. What a life I'm living!

Friday December 20

When I disembarked the express bus this morning, I saw Darene, one of the St. Andrews students in my class last Spring. I was surprised to run into her. She now attends Boston College. We chatted for a few minutes. At the Asylum, Mary Ann came by my class and told me about what happened with Roach yesterday. It turned out to be trivial. This is the last day that I will see Mary Ann for a while. Raelynn, Jennifer, and Aimee gave me a a bag of gifts. I was touched. My only real excitement was when I finalized the implementation of the SimNet assessment software. I will be using live application exams in my computer classes at the Asylum. No more grading! The rest of the day was uneventful. I went to the gym and took the first express bus out of town. Shirley called and left a message. She is not feeling too well, but she plans to stop by either Sunday or Monday. Well, another iBook and Bose Acoustic Wave weekend is upon us. Last night, I downloaded the OS X upgrade. It took over three hours with a dial-up connection because the file was so large. Sheesh!

Saturday December 21

Wouldn't you know it? Some "anonymous" loser tried to ruin my evening by spewing this crap on Speak! III by LoserNet:

You are just a ne'er do well (by your own words) that likes blaming society because you are a worthless piece of pineapple gatherin' shit. Easy for you in your Mommie's house to lament about a "fascist takeover" and you wouldn't know a fascist if he or she climbed in bed with you, ignorant wretch. You are so clueless that you think a 22 year old babe would want your old impoverished, mentally ill OLD ass. You are to be pitied! LOL

This chimp infers that he is a winner by attempting to belittle my life. Yet, why is the asswipe reading LoserNet? This dickhead's only source of "knowledge" stems from years of brainwashing by Rush Limburger on AM radio. Actually, the real issue is the fact that he's impotent and cannot "score" with babes in any age group. He's obviously in his twenties. I hope somebody shoves the smallpox vaccine up his ass. Maybe he will be fortunate enough to suffer the adverse side effects. The lowest level in the food chain is the first to go. Just don't let this chimp breed. Hey, Chimpo, just go back to playing "fire engine" in your "palace"! The only one to be "pitied" is you, Chimpo. Take your right hand and move it up and down! Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Apparently, he's Big Money Grip, too. As you put it, Chimpo, "LOL." Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! By the way, "Chimpo" refers to the Vienna Sausage in another language. What a maroon! I really can't get enough of this worthless piece of [dung]. And, another thing Chimpo, there are actually some 22-year-old babes who want a "mentally ill OLD ass," as opposed to your fat, sagging, young ass. Just go away already. Pay some ho' with your big money to "do" you so you will have a better outlook on life. Booyah!

Shirley sent e-mail to say that she has been illin' for a couple of days. She will probably stop by on Monday. In Caroll's latest e-mail, she mentioned that she is working at two jobs. I hope that she doesn't run herself ragged again. The OS X upgrade has caused a few problems with my iBook. However, it's still much better than the alternative.

Sunday December 22

Where are you, Chimpo? Maybe Chimpo is right. Maybe I am an even bigger loser than he is. Nah, I don't think so. Well, that brings to mind my only New Year's Resolution — procure a 9mm "anti-terrorist" deterrent. I've talked about it before but, with raving maniacs (read: terrorists) like Chimpo running amuck, I've got to be prepared. That's why I joined the Citizen Corps, specifically Operation TIPS. Chimpo is one sick bag of [dung]. He could go off at any time, hijack a plane, and ram it into some building. Well, I lapsed in and out of a coma in my favorite chair all weekend. I also went to the gym. My unpaid vacation has commenced, although I can no longer take life lightly in view of these sick domestic terrorists. LoserNet has a new e-mail address. Messages must be PGP encoded, effective immediately. Public keys must be sent separately or details given on how to extract it from a public keyserver. "PGP" must be included in the subject, or the filters will reject the e-mail.

Monday December 23

Malia called this morning, just before I was to depart for town. We chatted for only a few minutes. She discussed a few of the problems going on in her family. I was happy to hear that she has continued on with her classes in the paralegal program. The bus trip to town was a nightmare because it took over two hours. The bus was 20 minutes late and I discovered that it only went as far as Kahala Mall. I had to transfer to another bus. Along the way, the wheelchair lift malfunctioned, so all the passengers had to disembark. I finally made it to town on the third bus. I saw Vanessa as I walked to the Diploma Mill, but I did not talk with her. At the Diploma Mill, I checked my e-mail. Shirley had sent e-mail asking me to call her. She was at Erin's place at the time. She wanted me to return to Hawai'i Kai, so I left immediately to take the 1:15pm Lunalilo Home Road bus. So, I was in town for a total of 20 minutes. As I waited at the bus stop, I saw Cherie and her son walk by. She was a student at the Asylum, but I had some kind of falling out with her. Remember when Chandamei, Cherie, and I used to hang out? That was three years ago. She still gives me the stink eye.

I arrived at home an hour later. However, Shirley did not show up until almost five o' clock. She gave moms a Poinsettia plant and gave me a wrapped gift. We chatted for a bit, and then she departed. I never made it to the gym. I am somewhat fatigued from my misadventure today. Actually, I am in a really bad way. I plan to set the filters for all my personal and LoserNet e-mail accounts to only accept PGP encoded messages.

Tuesday December 24

I ended up in town again, although I had nothing to do. I had to return a book to my department. Jeannie, the administrative assistant, asked, "How do you know Mary Ann?" Apparently, Lori from Arts & Sciences had told her about my antics to assist Mary Ann. Jeannie said that she and Mary Ann sing in the same church choir. I discovered that I am now sans two classes for next year at the Diploma Mill, which will significantly impact my income. I am not expecting to reach my goal at the end of the five-year plan. Is this the Curse of Chimpo? Well, I already knew that the sinister kahuna is working overtime to bring me down. I was in a bad way for the rest of the day. I no longer need entertain any ideas about purchasing a telescope. Heck, I won't be able to afford anything more than a 9mm "anti-terrorist" deterrent. I went to the gym and enjoyed a nice workout. However, the express bus had come by early, so I ended up waiting over 40 minutes for the next bus.

Moms is going to spend tomorrow afternoon at the Ninja Turds' place, which is fine by me. I have been given a reprieve until New Year's Day. Thank you, Chimpo! I have decided to divest a few e-mail accounts. I just don't need them. I also have decided to fire up my old eBay account. I have to sell more junk to raise some dough, since I am rapidly approaching "unemployed" status.

Wednesday December 25

Just another day for the ol' lavahead. As a true monk, I do not celebrate this holiday. The Scriptures do not indicate that the Son of God was born on this day, no less this particular season. In addition, I find it sad that humanity deems it appropriate to express "goodwill" only on one day out of the year. Tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. So pathetic.

Out of sight, out of mind. I have not seen Mary Ann since Friday. And, I ended up sending her my contact information by e-mail. Oddly, she came up in the conversation with Jeannie yesterday. Then, last night, I received a lengthy e-mail from her. She mentioned that her last day at the Asylum will be this Friday. As I expected, she is no longer excited about working at the Diploma Mill. I am beginning to wonder if she will last longer than the probation period. She also filled me in about Roach — "Yesterday he busted out his pidgin and told us stories about his drunken days when he used to wake up in his parents' lawn not remembering how he got there." Mary Ann also talked about her father's B-day (today) and his passing. Then, she explained that "MeeR" is a nickname that "all my close friends and some of my family call me." It is interesting that she now signs her e-mail with her nickname. Somehow I knew that I would hear from her after a few days. It is clear why she remains an enigma to me. Local babes are strange. They will disclose personal information in carefully spaced intervals. I had asked about her nickname a month ago in e-mail.

Moms spent a few hours at the Ninja Turd's place. I finally threw out a few old photos that were lying around. Many were of babes I once knew. Then, I fired up my six-four and took the recycling in. Later, I went for a long hike up Koko Head. The views of Hanauma Bay and Hawai'i Kai were awesome. Rod called this evening to wish the ol' lavahead a happy holiday. That only leaves an extended iBook session to round out the day. I hope that your holiday was much more exciting than mine.

Thursday December 26

An uneventful day. I ended up in town again. I purchased a $50 gift card at Macy's for Shirley. She had given me a new pair of Nike Cross-Trainer shoes. Jennifer, Raelynn, and Aimee gave me a lot of Lion coffee, a Starbuck's coffee cup, and a cholo shirt. I have some computer books to give them. I was in a bad way for most of the day. I updated my information for eBay. I also searched for a few items that I want to sell to get an idea of how much they are going for. Later, I went to the gym. My favorite Asian babe was there. When I returned home, I unwrapped my old Post Versalog 1460 slide rule, cleaned it, and calibrated it. I was going to list it on eBay, but I changed my mind. It is 30 years old, and it was my calculator when I first went to the university on the mainland. I will start listing a few things next week.

Friday December 27

It should have been a simple process. I called the Union 76 gas station in Niu Valley to see if it was an authorized "safety check" station. I drove my six-four there only to discover that someone had to run into town to get more stickers. So, I returned an hour later. The "safety check" was even more of a joke there than at the place that I previously patronized. However, my horn was not working. I returned home and disassembled the steering column in record time. I managed to fix the warning buzzer. However, I could not find the problem with the horn. After I checked all of the wiring, I reassembled everything except the horn switch on the steering wheel. It turns out that I had treated the metal plates for rust and then painted them. I thought that the plates were merely the spring mechanism for the switch assembly instead of actually being part of the switch. Prior to discovering this, I over-torqued the steering wheel while I was experimenting with the actuating rod clearance. I finally completed the "safety check" when I drove back out to Niu Valley for the third time. Later, I walked to the gym and did my cardio routine. The whole "safety check" fiasco has left me fatigued. I am going to relax this evening with my usual toys.

Saturday December 28

The young ho' is back. She returned sometime last week. The cops have been by twice so far. Sheesh! I lapsed in and out of a coma until it was time for me to walk to the gym. I did my usual workout. Weighing heavily on my mind is whether I should liquidate one of my mutual funds. I have only a few days in order to do so and realize a capital loss for this tax year. Shirley sent e-mail last night. Apparently, she received quite a few presents, including a new bike from Ramona. I still have not sent the gift card to her. I'll be relaxing this evening with my usual toys again.

Sunday December 29

Shirley called last night. We chatted for about an hour. She had to work for the last few days even though she is still illin'. She also has to work most of next week, so we may not be getting together for lunch. She is going to a barbecue this evening with Erin. I will probably mail the gift card tomorrow.

The handmaiden gave moms a ride home from Koko Marina. Her daughter was with her. I was lapsing in and out of a coma in my beloved resin chair at the time. We ended up chatting for a few minutes. Later, I walked to the gym and did a rigorous cardio workout. When I returned home, I cleaned a few parts of the chassis of my beloved six-four. I was able to inspect the drive train. Everything looks pretty good. I also found out that the Kelly Blue Book value is 5.5 AWUs. Unbelievable! While I relax this evening with my usual toys, I will see if I can request a "nine" catalog.

Monday December 30

Moms and I rode the street bus to town. I bought a new bus pass and ended up in the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill. I gathered a few books together and walked over to the Asylum. I had planned to donate the books to the Asylum's library. Just as I reached the King Street intersection, I saw Mary Ann standing at the corner. She was apparently going to the Asylum as well. I only chatted with her briefly since she was being distant again. She made the rounds, which made me suspect that she really misses the Asylum. I wonder how long she will last at the Diploma Mill. I also suspect that Mary Ann will be hanging out regularly at the Asylum with all of the other Filipina babes during her lunch break.

I tried to close one of my mutual fund accounts last night, but I was not able to. I am certain that American Century has kept these "bugs" to prevent account closures. I used the "Live Chat" option today to accomplish my task. I have now realized an actual capital loss, which will be tax deductible. Subsequently, I was extremely fatigued. In fact, I never really recovered for the rest of the day. So, I restored my monk haircut. Then, I went to the gym. My favorite Asian babe was there. She was in the same row of cardio machines. When she finished, she cut between a two of the machines so that she could walk in the aisle in front of the ol' lavahead rather than use the more convenient aisle behind us that serves the machines we were on. I am not reading between the lines. Just an observation. Baby was looking real fine today. And, I finally mailed the gift card to Shirley.

Tuesday December 31

Shirley called last night. We chatted for over an hour about Saimin noodles, the barbecue that she and Erin attended, and a variety of other mundane topics. The young ho' decided to throw a late night booze party since no one else was home at the House of Lolo. There were drunk punks everywhere. The party lasted until 1:30am.

After much deliberation, I decided to go to town again. I first stopped off at Barnes & Noble in Kahala Mall. I was instantly bored. I looked around for a bit, and then I caught the next bus to town. Naturally, I ended up in the faculty computer room. Pseudo-professor Ralph arrived moments later. We chatted only briefly. I discovered that American Century did not post the account closure today. So, I will not be able to deduct the capital loss for this year. I was pretty upset. It is clear to me that I no longer have control over my own dough. I will seriously contemplate the closure of all of my accounts. I went to the gym and enjoyed my mediocre workout. The gym will be closed tomorrow.

I saw Mark on the express bus this afternoon. He wants me to install a new light fixture in his kitchen this weekend. I agreed to do so. It's surprising how little things have changed in our lives. Moms invited the Ninja Turds over for dinner. Wheeee! Some of the neighbors are preparing for a night of fireworks. I can't say that I am excited about the end of this year. However, the pathetic nature of it all is somewhat fitting, isn't it?

To be continued ... Go to D.01

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