Millennium ... Journal of Life

Sunday June 11, 2000

"I'm glad that you didn't try to lie," that [copulating] ass Roach told me on Friday. He had asked me about what transpired in class, basing the truth solely on Hog's testimony. Do you see any evidence of his "fairness"? He then went on about my "relationship" with Malia. "You can do what you want but it will come back to you," he threatened in weasel-like fashion. Off the record, he told me, "I own you." Obviously, the invertebrate was worried that I do not worship him like a deity. I decided that I would capitulate, mainly because Malia would suffer the repercussions. I have notified Malia that we can no longer be friends in public. The administration knows that we were up on the North Shore last week. Never mind that it was vacation time. And, to really flex his puny arms, Roach said, "Don't think that, by meeting Malia at [the university], you are skirting [Asylum] policies." Is it obvious that we are being observed? Why is it their business?

This is only the tip of the iceberg. It is clear that there is a witch hunt going on. I can already deduce that Joanne, Toad, and Hog have been behind all of this. Do you find it odd that I have no problems like this at all at the university? I bought a six-pack of cheap brewskis and downed them all like water. To think, I laughed when the handmaiden's friend Anne showed me the big 18-pack of brewskis she had just purchased and toted on the bus the other day. When life is this pathetic, what else can you do?

Aside from that, my day was enjoyable. I sat outside in the detestable resin chair. I noticed that a lot of birds came to visit moms' yard. I have no idea what they were finding to eat. Other creatures on this planet seem to do fine. There is harmony and balance. Only humans screw everything up.

Kamehameha Day

Today is a holiday in Hawai'i. I only wish that I could celebrate it with a Hog Toss. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! That Hog is just too gross. Hog has told everyone about its silicone implants and how they turn on its faggot husband. How sick! It wouldn't be so bad but Hog's waist and hips are the exact same measurements as its chest including the implants. Hog looks like a cylinder. Yuck! If the damned pig fell over, it would make a perfect steam roller. Even more pathetic is the fact that Hog is haole. And, a trash queen to boot. Wait! Soooweeee! Soooweeee! Did you like my hog call? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! For the life of me, I just don't understand why Malia associates with that fat piece of [dung]. I'd like to take some steel-toed boots and shove 'em up her ass. A damned Mack truck could fit in there, damnit. I just wonder how its hard-up faggot of a husband can get a hard-on looking at Hog. I don't even want to imagine that ugly bitch naked because I probably would vomit and I would be rendered permanently impotent. Heck, I'd probably turn into stone. Man, if ever there was a good case for becoming a monk ...

Just imagine a 300-pound Vienna Sausage can. Add a tiny head to it. That's Hog! Soooweeee! Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! I can't figure out how Hog's faggot husband does da wild thing with it. Hog is proud to tell everyone about how enamored the faggot is with it and how often they do da wild thing. I imagine that he has to put two aircraft-type tire stops, one on each side of Hog, to prevent any rolling that may endanger his life. I figure that the damned faggot must have grown up on a pig farm somewhere. He spent most of his adolescent years in the swine unit. After squealin' them hogs for that long, he had no trouble squealin' the big Hog. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Moms wanted me to go to Ala Moana with her on the bus. I really didn't feel like it. Later, I felt bad. I used to enjoy taking the bus with moms. Well, I can blame Toad, Roach, and Hog for all of that. I drove moms down to Koko Marina. She wanted me to cook a pasta dish so we got the ingredients to make Ravioli Ragu. Turned out pretty good. Mark called this afternoon. I dropped by his place and we talked about the nonsense at the Asylum. I'm not sure why I bore everyone with that pathetic story. Say, Billy, what's for dinner? Hog Jowls! What? That [copulating] damned [dung] again!

Tuesday June 13 - Hog Heaven?

After spending most of my three-day weekend in a hammered state, I have decided that I must do something about my current situation. The reasons are obvious. I have pretty much lost Malia's friendship because she doesn't know what to think. Roach, Toad, and Hog are taking a toll on my sanity and health. The idiots are also affecting my value judgment. I will hold out at the Asylum as long as I can because I still want a way out. No dough, no way out. If Roach gets cocky enough, he'll overstep his boundaries and maybe even break the law. Litigation will be the only remedy.

However, the real problem becomes apparent when we consider a variable that I have previously overlooked. Malia had once mentioned that Roach was a few years younger than she. Mind you, Malia is nine years younger than the ol' lavahead. What does that tell you? That's right, Roach is essentially a punk kid. He has no experience in education, as he admitted to me himself. His prior employment was some kind of "financial manager" at the Job Corps. Roach's maturity level is extremely low as is his confidence level. Commanding respect from faculty who, on the average, are older than I am will be an on-going challenge. Roach is rapidly losing credibility because he is ineffectual. He fraternizes exclusively with the female staff member because they are close in age. Everyone else suspects a scandal. How awkward it must be for Roach to treat Malia and I like pre-pubescent kids when we are older than he is. If he were anything else but a boy in a man's shoes, he would have seen that his parental approach was ludicrous. No wonder I could never sense any genuine concern on his part. He just always seemed nervous.

Roach is over his head and he knows it. The dogcatcher is coming and Roach has no dog tags. Roach has made some serious judgmental errors in the recent past. My guess is that he will continue to react to situations. That makes him predictable. What is missing is the controlled catalyst. Something that will push Roach to react and commit a carefully choreographed faüx pas. Clearly, it will have to do with Malia and I. Roach will have to single us out and act upon hearsay, most likely initiated via an intrusion of privacy. He must be given ambiguous evidence that will force his hand to make the wrong decision. He is easily duped by females, so Toad, Hog, and the female staff member must somehow provide the corroborating evidence. Just remember the movie, Wrong is Right.

The female staff member is a self-proclaimed feminist, which tends to explain why Toad was made to feel the victim after those so-called "counseling sessions." In a short autobiographical account, the female staff member wrote, "I have been empowered to change the world." Say what? That's scary because her limited education and experience coupled with her over-confidence will leave many casualties of war. She's an opportunist who is ready to see the fall of Roach. And, why not? Who better to sit at the Dean's desk than she? She's pretty much making the decisions already.

Well, nothing happened today. Yet, there is no reason to begin rejoicing. I am not sure what the situation is with Malia and Hog. Malia was somewhat upset with Hog today. She also received an offer for an internship with a law firm. I hope she will be able to move on and do well. Hog will remain in the [dung] trough for a long time.

Wednesday June 14

A boring faculty meeting at the Asylum with Roach presiding. Neither he or the female staff member have any charisma. I have become keenly aware of how nervous Roach really is, especially in front of the faculty. I am almost certain that Roach will fall from grace. José is back! He sat next to Malia in class today and stared at her like a psycho, or so she told me. Speaking of psychos, Toad has been giving Malia the evil eye again. Of course, Malia knows that she can't count on Roach to help her, no less even sympathize.

Most of my life is at a standstill. My tooth is still giving me trouble. The petition for an extension to complete my second graduate degree is gathering dust on the table. A textbook that I'm being paid by a publisher to review remains unopened. I have countless exams to come up with for my new exam-based curriculum. And, I'm totally broke. Only the sinister kahuna could push me closer to the edge of sanity. The Dean at the university asked me if I thought that I could teach an accounting class. I said that I would have to brush up on the material. He then told me, "If I get really desperate, then I'll call you." What an impetuous jackass! Actually, I really didn't care since my ordeal at the Asylum is generally worse. I'm just putting in my time until I can't take it anymore.

Thursday June 15

Much to my surprise, the textbook review was due today. I was able to get an extension, so I hope to submit it tomorrow. I certainly need the small amount of dough I'll receive as a stipend. My paychecks will be extremely small this Summer. If only I could review two textbooks per month. I'd be in Hog Heaven.

Last week, I did a little research on the curious Easter Island. I found it astonishing that a whole civilization vanished because of its obsession to produce the moai stoneheads. And, for what purpose? Every other aspect of the society degenerated including its ability to produce food. In the end, there was chaos and anarchy as the population competed for whatever scarce resources were left. The story was intriguing because we could very well be repeating history again but on a grand scale. What is it about humans? Why do we love to suffer and cause grief? Of course, I have to wonder about how they carved out the likeness of the ol' lavahead way before his time.

Malia mentioned that Hog has been in Roach's office almost daily. I believe that it's time for me invoke the "catalyst" I mentioned a few days ago. You know, I once thought that the handmaiden was evil. I can safely say that Hog is truly evil. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Hog is the sinister kahuna.

Friday June 16

Toad was acting up again. Malia gave me an account of Toad's strange behavior. Whereas Toad no longer bothers me, it still continues to harass Malia but in a passive manner. Mostly intimidation by observation. Hog, on the other hand, has been infected with the swine flu. In another fit of psychosis, Hog asked Roach to remove it from Mike's class. "Emotional distress" was the reason Hog offered. Naturally, the cause of the "distress" was the ol' lavahead. I wish I could afford to give Hog a gift certificate for a complete liposuction makeover. Although I don't think that many hospitals have a heavy duty liposucker. The motor would burn out after extracting the first 100 pounds of lard. Just how many boxes of Ding Dongs and gallons of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream did to take to build the ultimate Hog? Soooweeee!

I finished the textbook review but was unable to send it by conventional methods. So, I attached it to e-mail. I didn't actually meet the deadline since we are six hours behind the East Coast. Oh well. I'm just happy that the weekend is here.

Saturday June 17

Mark and I ended up going to see Mission Impossible II. First, we had lunch at Yummy's. The Spicy Chicken was really spicy. The movie was exciting but it did little to bring back memories of the old series on the tube. Later, we ended up back at Mark's place. Wild Things was playing on cable so we watched it. I'll have to admit that it was a great movie, and for several good reasons. For a moment, I thought I could relate to "Mr. Lombardo." Of course, I was mistaken.

I have been unable to sleep well for over two weeks now. Horrid dreams have been waking me up in the middle of the night. The next day, I am exhausted. I suspect that Hog is using some kind of Swine Voodoo on me. I may have to perform some kind of exorcism to rid myself of that tub of lard. Worst yet, Toad could have placed some kind of Tadpole Curse on me. Sheesh!

Sunday June 18

Cheap brewskis. Detestable resin chair. Big headache. Could today have been anything else? Not really. I discovered that my textbook review attachments were deleted by the publisher's mail server because there was a virus in them. You know, it wouldn't be so pathetic but I waited two hours last week for some computer geek idiot to upgrade, scan and verify the faculty computers. Obviously, the moron was wasting his own time. I tried to send the review by fax but the faculty fax machine was not operational because the office was being rearranged for no other reason than the new person there didn't like the old arrangement. I doubt that my review will be in the publisher's hands in time. So much for the stipend.

I have decided that I must begin my life phase-out. I can't take this crap anymore. So, I will not be pursuing a doctorate. Why would I anyway? Why should I go through more grief and put myself further in debt just to be treated like a moron? Furthermore, I just can't be around people anymore. If I remain in society any longer, I'm going to turn into a psychotic, homicidal maniac. I don't even know why I used the term "society." There is no such a thing. We are just a collective of life forms with slightly more cognizance than amoebae.

Monday June 19

Someone has put the voodoo on the face of stone. I managed to find a department with a fax machine but it was probably too late to submit the review. The worst part is that I now look like a true moron. All that only to come home to the most disturbing news yet. The IRS has sent me a bill for more dough, claiming that I underpaid my taxes. [Copulate] it! Exactly what am I paying for? Am I paying dickheads to get their cigars smoked by chubby interns? Am I paying for corrupt [rectums] to screw me over even more? I am certain that either Hog or Toad has sold its soul to the sinister one. I must become more aware. I will be able to sense the evil force that engulfs both disciples of hades like flies on [dung]. Then, I'll exorcise the demons from them like a heavy-duty liposuction machine. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

I only have myself to blame, I suppose. Remember that line from Q's lamentations in the last episode of Star Trek: TNG? So true, so true. Had I not been a total idiot and held myself more responsible for my actions, then I may not be in this predicament today. If I hadn't been kicking the damned can around for the last ten years, then I'd be a little more assured that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Was I skinnin' babes right and left? No. Instead I was living in some hovel and practicing penance for sins I never committed. Kick a man when he's down. That was The Master's favorite line. He's right. The more humble I became, the more crap I had to put up with. People were lining up to kick me in the ass. Paying my dues? Yeah, I'll pay my dues until later when I bust out and do some real ass kickin'!

Tuesday June 20

If I could actually save some money for once, then I could invest it properly. The way I'm going, I doubt that could ever happen. I should move to Mau'i. Hana to be exact. That's probably a perfect place to open a monastery. Only a winding, two-lane road serves as the route to Hana, making it one of the most isolated places in Hawai'i. A monastery open to the public as a retreat could be a successful operation. In fact, Frances and I were discussing this during my office hours. She was a bit skeptical about whether it could be run as a business. I think that it would put Hawai'i back on the map.

My classes will be taking exams for three days, today inclusive. My students did not look happy. I will have an exam for each class approximately every week. What can I say? After hearing that many students were saying, "I didn't learn [dung] in that [rectum]'s class," I decided that I would modify my "integrated educational model" to one of "incremental achievement" (i.e., exams and more exams). Of course, this is no picnic for me. I still have to grade them. Sheesh!

Say, it's too bad that only a few people are using Speak! by LoserNet. I especially liked the thesis posed by Doctor Rat concerning the stoneheads on Easter Island. You know, there's a lot of lava rock around here. I wonder if I can transport one of those ten-ton slabs back to Hawai'i Kai and see if I can carve out one of those stoneheads for my own personal use. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Wednesday June 21

A very unexciting day. The peanut gallery at the Asylum was too busy to bother with the usual nonsense, what with the accreditation team visiting and all. It's a sickening political process. Everyone might as well bend over and grab their ankles. The faculty briefing was probably the most sickening display of Hog Tossin' that I've ever seen. The backstabbers were commending each other! I guess that makes sense. If the Asylum doesn't get its accreditation renewed, then there won't be any place for the backstabbing to occur. I suppose that we could loosely call this "teamwork." Thank goodness we will be back to the same old crap next week.

I am sitting at home now, contemplating whether I should go down to Foodland and buy some cheap brewskis. This has been a long week. Well, at least I have found out that my tax return was received by the State. So, the envelope was not stolen from moms' mailbox as was previously thought. I also ran into pseudo-professor Robert this morning. He didn't seem to be in good spirits. Apparently, no job offers have come in. I should have just told him, "Welcome to the life of a chimp!"

Thursday June 22

Last night, I finished off a bottle of the real "Hammer" - Corbett Canyon 1997 Chardonnay. What a vintage year! More accreditation stupidity at the Asylum. I had to participate in a group interview with a few other faculty members. The accreditation team is also speaking with students. Malia happened to be one of those students. She apparently dropped the bomb on the whole situation by bringing up the Toad & Roach Comedy Hour. No telling what will happen now.

I came home earlier than usual this afternoon. I decided to get a head start on the exams that I have to grade. What a cumbersome process! The results have been disappointing so far. If I didn't apply a "liberal" grading scheme, then I would have to fail most of my students. And, who would they blame? The ol' lavahead, of course!

Friday June 23

Another uneventful day. Just the way I like it. The weekend is finally here and all I can think about is sitting in the detestable resin chair. For seven bucks, it was a great deal. Whenever I reinstate the LavaheadCam, I will do a special segment featuring the detestable resin chair. Sheesh!

It is getting harder for me to function given my fragile mental state. People in general and extraneous ambient noise are chiseling away at my sanity. I don't travel far these days. Remember when I used to go to Barnes & Noble every weekend? There's no way I could set foot in that place now. I would be ready to go ballistic with all the damned fools loitering there. I have wanted to listen to the psychotic classical pieces on public radio for some time, but that is also absurd. After a ten-minute exposure, I'm ready to embark on a rampage.

With the few extra dollars I had, I decided to take a risk with a subscription to a new mutual fund offering. I have pretty much placed my entire personal worth on this risky venture. Why? I am at a point where I have to take some risks. Of course, if I lose the dough, then I'll have to default on my loans. In any case, there is no way that I am going to come out ahead by being a wage slave. My liabilities are far greater than my income. I've got to save more dough so I can invest it all. Otherwise, how am I going to retire? I can barely afford to buy cheap brewskis.

Saturday June 24

Detestable resin chair. Cheap brewskis. Need I say more? I've been wondering about Hermit. What has he been up to? Has he finally broken out of the ranks? The life of a chimp is tiresome, as I can easily attest to. I looked around at the pitiful dirt pile that passes for moms' lawn. The investment in compost did little more than appease my curiosity concerning my gardening expertise. I surmise that the soil is sterile. There are also a variety of stumps in the yard. Curious relics of moms' landscaping experiments. Sometimes a stump makes an attempt at a resurrection, only to be thwarted by moms' pruning knife. The unfinished cinder block walls and rotting wood slats of the neighbor's fences that run the perimeter of the yard only tend to enhance the already derelict appearance. The only consolation is that moms' neighborhood is peaceful. Peaceful, that is, when the putz next door isn't grinding away on something.

In this heat, there is no other place to sit except outside in the detestable resin chair. The humidity does little to help offset the sweltering temperatures. The only trees in the yard are scrawny. Soon they may be reduced to stumps. Alas, this is home. This is far more sane than my weekdays downtown, where psychosis is now epidemic. The cheap brewskis gone, I am devoid of my weekend "friends." Perhaps I'll make a poor man's milkshake using vanilla ice cream and milk. "I've got to buy a Palm Theater," I mutter to myself, referring to the new handheld DVD players. That way, I can rent DVDs to watch at home. Maybe I can become a hurdy-gurdy junkie as well. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Blame it on the heat, my friends.

Sunday June 25

I'm done grading all of the exams. I have discovered that two people have turned in identical exams (the applications section). It is beyond coincidence as they sit next to each other and are possibly boyfriend and girlfriend. The ax is going to fall because I'm done being taken for a fool by cocky, young punks. Everyone else will have to pay for their arrogance as well.

The heatwave continues. I had to break down and buy another six-pack of cheap brewskis. My loans are going to become more expensive as the interest rate will go up 1.25 percentage points on July 1st. Isn't that great? I can't take it anymore. I've been thwarted at every turn. I'm going to be a wage slave forever. I cannot believe how much greed has taken over our lives. It's a disease that is out of control. I know there is no escape. The whole world is overcome by greed. The lower one is on the economic ladder, the more likely that one is going to be sucked dry by these vampires. I would love to line 'em all up and punch 'em out. Watching them beg for mercy and offer up the money they've coerced from unwitting victims would only aid me in expediting  their demise. That day will come, my friends.

Monday June 26

I have noticed that people ask me computer questions all day long. At first, it seemed like I was making something out of nothing. However, as I became more aware of this, I decided to take a mental log. I am asked by students and faculty alike. If I were a doctor or a lawyer, I wouldn't have that problem because everyone would know that I'd have to charge them exorbitant fees. As a computer nerd, my time is apparently free for the taking. I predict that there will come a time when computer nerds will be charging similar fees as doctors and lawyers. Our expertise is worth that dough, since there are only a small handful of non-nerds who know anything about computers. I surmise that my time is worth about $150 per hour since the head of stone is a vast knowledge base.

I am extremely fatigued. I graded exams all weekend. I will be proctoring three exams this week and three more next week. So, my weekends for the rest of Summer will consist of cheap fire water and grading exams. Wheee! Do I get paid extra for this? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa! Can I get a witness? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa! I did happen to confirm that I have two perpetrators of academic dishonesty. Cheaters, to be exact. Apparently, they must think I'm stupid. So, the ax is going to fall.

Tuesday June 27

I spent most of my time last night configuring my on-line investment advisor. The automated advisor reviews my measly portfolio and then attempts to make recommendations based on several criteria including risk factor. Naturally, I chose "high risk." I have to make the most dough as quick as possible. So, when the advisor reviewed my pathetic investments, it told me to "take more risks." Sheesh!

I went to sleep early. Around 3am, I was rudely awakened by a howling cat just outside my window. Of course, the neighbor's dog joined in. I jumped out of bed and ran outside. "Beat it, kitty!" I yelled, "Damned [copulating] cat!" I spotted the kitty just across the way. I chased the kitty down the street, repeatedly yelling, "Come here kitty!" I can't imagine what the neighbors thought of this spectacle.

I was extremely tired today. Could it be because of he kitty? The Asylum had an awards ceremony. Malia was there because she made the Dean's List. Of course, she told me later that it was a joke after she discovered that José also made the Dean's List. Both Hog and Toad made the Honor Roll. I almost had to deliver a street pizza (i.e., vomit) after hearing that nonsense. Toad was even awarded a small monetary scholarship. Does something smell a little fishy to you? To add insult to injury, the administration wanted me to stand down concerning the cheating suspects. The suspects themselves denied everything. Wrong is right.

Wednesday June 28

I was awakened at about 1:30am by voices outside. I recognized the voice of the teenage ho' next door obviously talking with one of the many boys who are interested in her. Where was her mother or the damned grandparents? All asleep with not a care in the world. I didn't bother to rain on their parade, even though they woke me up. Payback will come when an untimely event ends up putting four generations under the same roof. With such negligible supervision, the 13-year-old will surely find herself in deep crap. It's an everyday occurrence here in Hawai'i. Too predictable. I was not able to get any sleep at all because my throat began to itch uncontrollably. There was nothing that I could do to stop it. By morning, the tissue under my tongue was swollen and in pain. And, ultimately, I have had yet another sleepless night. I was delirious for most of the day.

Malia and I have not seen much of each other. Today was the first time we were able to have lunch together. We were able to catch up a little bit about what's been going on aside from the few tidbits we've exchanged in passing. So far, all is quiet at the Asylum.

Thursday June 29

One of my students showed me a picture of her son this morning.

"How old is he?" I asked, feigning interest.

"He's three," Blossom replied.

"Where's the father?"

"He's a loser! He's in Alabama ... in jail!" she retorted in disgust.

Same old story. A story that is repeated daily and possibly very soon in the house next door to moms. The teenage ho' next door was outside with her BoyToy again last night. I discovered why her mother wasn't too concerned. The ho' came home at about 1am as I heard a car idling for several minutes. I looked out the window to see the sleazy ho' stepping out of a pimped-out Honda Civic. She was dressed like Britney Spears. Mind you, the ho' is in her mid-thirties. Is it not plain to see the local mentality that I have described over and over again? Why don't the grandparents just kick them all out? Well, if we take note that the old codger is the one who is grinding his stupid projects at 6:30am almost every Saturday and Sunday, then we can easily figure out that brain donations run in the family.

Slowly I am getting things done. I submitted the paperwork for the extension to complete my degree. The textbook review has apparently been accepted but, so far, no dough. All that's left is to take care of my infected tooth. Philip, the department head at the Asylum, mentioned that the Microsoft Mickey MOUS testing center was operational. He is requiring that all faculty in the department pass the "expert" certification. Frankly, I have better things to do. I must study for my comprehensive exams for my incomplete degree. And, I have been reconsidering the Ph.D. program again. I'd rather have a doctorate than a cheesy Mickey MOUS certificate.

Friday June 30

Malia and I had lunch at the Paradise Café. Then, we walked to the Aloha Tower Marketplace for a Mango Tango at the Big Island Steakhouse. Why not? I have three sets of exams to grade this weekend. Sheesh! Yesterday, when I entered the gym, Amber (at the front desk) asked, "Did you see the gentlemen outside? The one with his pants down." I replied, "No, there are so many derelicts around here that I don't even notice anymore."

I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight. The lolo next door better not wake me up tomorrow with that crappy grinder of his. I may go over there and make him eat it. After all, I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a long time. Today was payday and my checks were so small. I pay out so much in taxes now that I make less than a Burger King employee. I'm in deep financial crap but I've decided to keep my Bose Acoustic Wave. I may even break it out this weekend.

Saturday July 1

The detestable resin chair. Cheap fire water. The Bose Acoustic Wave. Big headache. Another wonderful weekend. Sheesh! I will be flunking a good percentage of my students. The results of the exams are horrendous. Either these people are extremely stupid or they haven't even tried to study.

Aside from my comatose moments, I did my yardboy chores. There is nothing else I can do. I'm absolutely broke. Whatever I earn this Summer has already been spent. I am in arrears by about five years. Each day, I put myself further in debt because my earning potential is so low. My only affordable entertainment comes in the form of cheap brewskis. I am completely supported by loans of one kind or another. I can't even make the minimum payments, which explains my increasing debt.

The lolo next door was true to form. He started his grinding at 6:20am this morning and continued on and off during the day. I wonder if he knows a good proctologist because he will need one to extract that grinder out of his ass. As I move further into a hopeless situation, I will have nothing to lose by shoving the grinder up lolo's ass. Peace and quiet is the only luxury that I have. No one is going to steal that away from me.

Sunday July 2

I was in a really bad way today. The stupid teenage daughter of that ho' next door was outside with her scumbag boyfriend at 2:30am. They were talking away with not a care in the world. My bedroom window is only about ten feet away from where the morons were sitting. I finally went outside and read them the riot act. Almost two hours later, they were still out there. The little bitch was being defiant. I have no choice but to call the cops from now on. I didn't want to resort to that measure, but what choice do I have? I am surprised that lolo has tolerated his daughter/ho' and teenage granddaughter/ho' living in his house. It's a real pathetic sight which just about reminds me of the situation that I returned home to about three years ago.

I've been talking to moms lately about quite a few topics. Yesterday, I discussed the situation with the kids of Hawai'i primarily because of teenage ho' next door. It is sad but I have confirmed that most of the young people here are preoccupied with the opposite sex. "It's just like high school," moms observed. Sure enough. The exams from my local students are pathetic. Mostly all of the questions were left blank, as if the subject was totally alien to them. Education is not a priority. In some respects, Roach was right. I have got to detach myself from everything that doesn't have to do with computers.

Back to work tomorrow. Thank goodness Tuesday is a holiday. By the way, moms told me that the sleazy ho' next door was just like her sleazy teenage daughter when she was younger. Does that come as a surprise?

Monday July 3

I've been playing Windows Solitaire for a few hours now. Last night, I played a three-hour session. That was the first time I've played this stupid game in a very long time. I found it relaxing until I started losing, which made me start to lose it. I'm pretty sure that the game has some kind of algorithm that senses this and keeps dealing losing hands subsequently.

Malia and I had lunch at the Paradise Café again. I have been keenly aware of my conversations with babes, especially after reading the latest chapter in Anonder's Journal. He has captured the essence of female contradictions in his transcribed dialogues. I have no idea why he puts up with it except for his insatiable desire for da wild thing. He has become a slave to his Vienna Sausage. Just by reviewing his own journal, he should have been able to cast babes aside and become a monk. My nerves couldn't take that kind of grief. I've already come to realize that I'm better off without babes. My life is a mess as it is. I am certain that I can live without babes or da wild thing. I want peace and quiet. Seclusion. I must have a sense of order, not chaos. I don't need excitement. I need a very dull and mundane existence. A really nice computer would also help.

My conversations with Malia could be aggravating. However, I have distanced myself from babes such that their wily ways no longer have any effect. I'm not concerned about getting any "action," so I do not need to concern myself about whether the babes are impressed with the oversized cranium. If they don't like it, then they can hit the road. All I'm concerned about is moms, my retirement plans, and Windows Solitaire.

Independence Day 2000

Independence from what? Wage slavery? I spent the whole day sitting in the detestable resin chair. Other people are celebrating the holiday. The ol' lavahead chose seclusion instead. I took a few pictures for the LavaheadCam. Naturally, the batteries in my digital camera went dead as I was trying to download the images to my beloved computer. I almost went on a rampage. I'll be spending most of my evening engaged in a Windows Solitaire marathon. It sure beats pacing!

I thought about opening the [UJ] archives to the public in celebration of Independence Day. However, I never got around to it, so I may postpone that gala event until Labor Day. Sheesh! Well, I hope that you enjoyed the holiday (if you had one). It's back to the salt mines again tomorrow.

Wednesday July 5

I capitulated to the demands of my students on Monday and scheduled a "make-up" exam today. None of the five lolos showed up. Well, one student came by at about ten minutes before the allotted time was up. I have no sympathy for these losers anymore. I have better things to do like playing marathon sessions of Windows Solitaire.

My "investments" went down the toilet today. Fortunately, I received a check for the textbook review. I'll be able to make the loan payment for this month. This is the essence of the so-called mundane existence. Stasis at the lowest equilibrium point. In this case, poverty. Pseudo-professor Robert concurred. He is in a similar situation. So far, no job offers and his bills are mounting. Yet, he decided to pay into the health benefits plan (at $189 per month) offered by the university and he recently got a cell phone. In the face of poverty, people consume like crazy and amass useless material goods in order to find self-worth. The cheesy Solitaire game has taught me all that I need to know about the elusive nature of wealth and how it affects the psyche.

Thursday July 6

The journal is getting to be a tiring chore. I would rather play Windows Solitaire instead of coming up with the pathetic summary of my life. Malia and I had lunch at the Paradise Café again. She related to me yet another incident with Toad. In fact, she had also written about it in e-mail:

Yesterday as I was leaving the school, Toad was walking down the hall.  I stepped to the left and so did she, I stepped to the right and so did she. I stepped back to the left, said excuse me and then she started cracking up laughing and continued to walk to her class.

What the hell is wrong with Toad? I also chatted with pseudo-professor Elise. She just finished her dissertation for her doctorate. However, she is no better off than I am right now. She was somewhat discouraged about the student evaluations she had received. "I just throw my evaluations right in the recycler without even looking at 'em," I said in response. There is no sense in ruining a nice day by reading the pathetic, sniveling crap that students write when they know it's anonymous. So, after all that hard work to obtain her doctorate, pseudo-professor Elise is now unsure about remaining in academia. I know the feeling well.

My pathetic "investments" continue to further decline into oblivion. What can I say? My modem continues to give me grief. I'm on my nth try to connect as we speak. All I keep getting is the error message, "Disconnected from the computer you dialed." Maybe it's time that I disconnect from society.

Friday July 7

I have learned that I am now serving as an academic advisor at the Asylum along with Mike for the students in computer majors. This come with no increase in dinero. I don't mind, though. Perhaps I can lead the small handful of talented students in the right direction. I was glad to return home. The weekend is upon us, and I plan to relax. I have to grade a few exams as well. Windows Solitaire will be my diversion (and demise). Naturally, I'll spend time sitting in the detestable resin chair. If I am ambitious, I will buy new batteries for my digital camera so I can take more pictures for the LavaheadCam.

I have to work on the LoserNet sites as well as my academic Web site. It's also about time that I update the Virtual Harem (see Lavahead Express). I am downloading freeware called Aire Freshener as we speak. I installed it on one of the faculty computers earlier today. It will allow me to listen to simulated wind chimes as I play Windows Solitaire. I only wonder why it is such a huge file. Of course, I'll probably uninstall it after three days. Thank goodness for CleanSweep!

Saturday July 8

Windows Solitaire, Aire Freshener, Palm Desktop, gone for good. I couldn't take it anymore. The sad part is that it took me over an hour to download Aire Freshener. There is a psychotic pattern developing here. It is a form of mental pacing. I had too many hours to ponder the concept as I sat in the detestable resin chair. I had other things to ruminate upon as well. For instance, my beloved computer is ready for the trash can. Now, the sound is all screwed up. There is a scratchy distorted noise in lieu of the actual audio. Probably due to the myriad codecs installed. Pseudo-professor Robert lamented the other day that he wishes he had a real job so he could at least afford to buy a computer. One with a DVD drive. No doubt, he needs the DVD drive to watch hurdy-gurdies. Why else does one need a DVD drive?

Kim Chee, Lau Lau, Sashimi (raw fish), and rice. These are the staples of my diet for the last few days. Perhaps I should throw in some of that compost for added fiber. My diet is still too rich for my liking. Bland is the way to go. Extreme blandness. Flavor and aroma are for the affluent. The destitute only need the bare minimum for subsistence. Perhaps my diet (high in saturated fats, cholesterol, salt, and preservatives) is responsible for my sporadic psychotic episodes. It's time to bring back the tuna and rice diet!

I have exams to grade this weekend. That goes without saying from now on. However, I have other things to do as well. I've got to get more compost for the yard, new gym shorts, new gym shoes, batteries for my beloved digital camera, cheap brewskis, and stuff to make Lasagna a la Ragu for moms. I just can't seem to make myself leave the house. Shopping is not a relaxing event for me. I dread the crowds of idiots that fester in malls. And, I hate to spend non-existent dough.

Another hot day, and the evening is no better. I will have to sit outside in the detestable resin chair again. Too bad I have neither any cheap brewskis or Thorazine to help me chill.

To be continued ... Go to M.10