The Keeper is lost in Web space. And, Dr. Smith is not there to help
him out. What will he do? What will he do? And, where is that damned
Lost in Web Space
Keeper of Lost Lives continues to ramble on. Whassup wi' dat? The situation
is inane. Life is an inane asylum. I had to give in. I have had
so much trouble with Windows 95 that I decided that I would reinstall Internet
Explorer just to placate Bill. The browser is not intimately tied to the
OS but there are some quirks that result from trying to separate them at
the umbilical cord. That's the power Bill has over you and I and everyone
else. Take a look at all of the software using the same blasé non-compliant
Year 2000 nomenclature that Bill uses (Windows 95, Office 97, and so forth).
Sheep looking for the shepherd. It's sickening. The inclusion of the abbreviated
year in the titles only induces consumer anxiety concerning obsolescence.
It's a market driven by the fear of owning outdated junk. How about Windows
00? Now, that's banality. And, this is Banality 98 ...
of the Roach
Sunday March 1,
The roaches continue to pop out of the woodwork,
no doubt because I disturbed their habitat with Raid roach spray. The real
question is ... why is The Keeper still rambling? In essence, these are
the "unofficial" journals. They exist for no apparent purpose. One
day, when I'm sending bombs in the mail to technocrats, you'll be able
to see what went wrong. Did you know that roaches think humans are filthy?
Yeah, that's right. Upon contact with a human, a roach will quickly scurry
away and clean itself. That's something. The infestation of roaches is
really the result of humans. We have given them more places to breed than
what simply occurs in nature. Anyway, I thought of revamping the journal
into some kind of showcase worthy of a Pulitzer nomination. Look what I
came up with. It's exactly the same as the old crap. Sheesh!
Did you know?
|According to studies cited
in the German newspaper, Süddendeutche Zeitung, the emotional
and social stresses of unemployment can affect a person's health. Unemployed
people are more likely to have high blood pressure and heart attacks than
those who are employed. "Almost all of the unemployed suffer in one way
or another from depressive disorders," states Professor Thomas Kieselbach
of Hanover University.
Many thanks to everyone who wrote in the past
few weeks. Although I have restored e-mail services, I remain way behind
schedule in replies. Also, thanks to Mister C (firstname.lastname@example.org)
for writing in. I believe that Mister C is the only person in Hawai'i who
reads LoserNet. I also received an interesting piece of e-mail from Adam
(email@example.com) who is now a former reader. He wrote,
"Over the past year and a half, I've managed to read your whole site. For
awhile, it was entertaining. But ... The past few months I've been keeping
up with your current entries. To my horror, I find that your life is real.
Now, I'm afraid, it's no longer humorous. It's depressing. I've had my
bad spots in life, but never have I had such a long run of bad luck. And
your apparent lack of motivation to change is just too much. I'd love to
give advice, but we both know you wouldn't take it. I used to believe that
someday you would dig yourself out of your hole. I'm not sure I believe
that, anymore. Good luck. I hope something changes for you. I, for one,
have a life to lead, and can no longer wait." The key here is that Adam
has a life. As a non-entity, I can't say the same. It may be hard for people
to believe that there are people chosen to be losers. It's true!
By the way, I take the loss of readership seriously. LoserNet is down to
a total of two readers now. Woe is LoserNet!
All Yo Dough!
Monday March 2
I called GTE Wireless today and asked if I could
discontinue my cell phone service. I was told that I could discontinue
the service at any time, but I was not entitled to a refund. Mind you,
I had already prepaid for one year of service. So, if I discontinue
the service, I will forfeit $195 as a penalty. Is something wrong with
that picture? Does this remind you of a certain auto insurance company?
It's all legal even though it is technically theft. With this in mind,
I have finally realized why Fujitsu technical support is never going to
call me back. They already have my dough. The one year of technical support
that I have is essentially free. If I call after the year is up and pay
for technical support, then I will get some answers. Do you think that
the Unabomber was onto something?
I tried to use my new CleanSweep software to clean
up a few Registry problems on my new computer. It only created more problems.
My obsession with removing every trace of Internet Explorer (IE) has gotten
the best of me. There is no way to remove all of IE and that confounded
Microsoft Network (MSN). Portions of both are permanently embedded in Windows
95. Heck, I am only a licensee of the software. I am probably violating
my license. Trying to remove all of IE will also remove Personal Web Server
and several fonts. I could have saved $14 and just did my own rendition
of CleanSweep ... format the hard drive and put Linux on it.
Tuesday March 3
Is there any way to improve LoserNet? Yeah, I
didn't think so. It's a lost cause. Paul has returned from the mainland.
We are planning to meet this weekend, so I may actually have something
new to discuss. The Bull (EquityBull@aol.com) wrote to say that
he is very tired from doing the wild thing 24/7 ... just kidding! That
never makes him tired. However, he just completed another grueling consulting
stint in which he was instrumental in saving a very large Fortune 500 company
from disaster. That is why this man is a legend.
have been listening to my Bose Wave radio a lot lately. Like an obsessive-compulsive
fool, I wrap it up and put it away every night for a variety of inane reasons.
I salvaged the bookcase that Uncle George made over 30 years ago for my
family. I put the Bose Wave on it when it is not wrapped up. The bookcase
was being as a shoe rack by the Ninja Turds prior to their move. I almost
threw it away. It is a pathetic bookcase, but that is why I like it. Given
proper placement, the Bose Wave sounds much like a large entertainment
center. I can safely say that it sounds better than my old K-Mart all-in-one.
That's not saying much. In retrospect, the Bose Wave radio is the sole possession
I would want to keep. Even the computer has lesser value.
Wednesday March 4
Moms and I left for Ala Mo's early this morning.
Baby met us there and we had lunch at Shirokiya. Moms has been getting
out quite a bit more since she has much more spare time than before. Moms
seems to have a lot more energy than I do. I have been extremely fatigued
lately. Maybe it's because I'm unemployed and $26,000 in debt. Maybe it's
because my new computer is still functioning as a door stop. I had posted
the problem on a Microsoft newsgroup and I received a number of suggestions
but none seemed applicable. However, I have also received a deluge of junk
e-mail. That's one of the benefits of posting to a newsgroup.
Baby and I have not been going to Barnes &
Noble on Wednesday nights. Instead, we usually go shopping in Kuapa Kai.
I had to buy a few more painting supplies. I also bought some blinds for
the living room. I removed the old drapery before I painted the living
room. I cut up some paper bags and taped them to the window in the interim.
You can imagine how patheic that looked. Baby bought a tablecloth for her
new dining room table. She also bought a French Press. After we brought
all the stuff home, we walked down to Koko Marina and ate dinner at Loco
I happened to find an old album while I was putting
together all the junks that are going to be donated to the Salvation
Army. There was a lot of stuff so I called to have a truck come by and
pick it up. Anyway, the album is called Mrs. Miller's Greatest Hits.
Does anyone remember who Mrs. Miller was? I hope that this album is worth
a lot of dough, or least around $26,000 or so.
Thursday March 5
Installing the blinds should have been a simple
job. However, the width of the window frame was just half-an-inch shy of
72 inches. Manufacturers make blinds in standard widths. If the window
frame is shorter than expected, the blinds won't fit. I ended up chiseling
away the difference to get the blinds to fit. Later, I almost ended up
in the hospital because of the rickety wooden ladder we have. Pops inherited
the ladder over 30 years ago and it was rickety back then. Sheesh! The
ladder will be going out with the trash.
Did you know that Mrs. Miller used ice cubes in
her mouth to achieve that warbling effect in her singing? There really
is no way to describe Mrs. Miller's musical style. I may have to buy one
of those kid's phonographs just so I can listen to Mrs. Miller's album.
That about the only thing that will track the warped record since I inadvertently
left it out in the sun. Poor Mrs. Miller.
Friday March 6
Procrastination and indecision have become a way
of life with me now. Indifference has become my policy. In fact, I am even
having great difficulty in keeping up this journal. The chronic fatigue
is finally getting to me. My patience has withered down to nothing. My
attention span is extremely short. And, I have increased my coffee intake
in the mornings just to stay awake during the day. The fatigue must be
the only way I am physiologically combating the stress of my pathetic existence.
Frankly, I don't really know how long I can hold out.
Baby was in a bad way when I talked to her later
in the day. She discovered that her daughter has been doing poorly in school.
Part of the reason is that her daughter has not been completing many of
the homework assignments. The teacher had sent baby a notice by mail and
also sent a note home with her daughter, neither of which baby received.
The only logical conclusion is that baby's daughter has gone through quite
a bit to maintain a level of deception. Why? We don't seem to know, although
this is a clear indication of trouble ahead.
Saturday March 7
I took the bus to Waikiki after lunch. I walked
over to the Ala Wai Marina to visit Paul. He had set up an appointment
for me to meet with a former client of his. Paul had set up a simple Web
page for her, but now she wanted to enhance it. The meeting was a fiasco.
We ended up at the so-called office of this woman. She is close to 60 years
old and she bleaches her hair blonde. Her office was a mess and her assistant
was a 40-something woman who also bleached her hair. The assistant was
playing around with a desktop computer and a notebook computer, apparently
attempting to connect the two. The desktop computer was basically a doorstop.
Nothing on it worked. So, what was the twit doing? Paul had previously
upgraded the computer with a second hard drive. The computer no longer
recognized it and no longer even loaded Windows 95. Using an emergency
recovery disk, we were able to boot the computer up with DOS. Needless
to say, the whole situation was a mess. The bleached brain donors were
cackling away at each other like talkative parrots. It could easily have
been part of a Seinfeld episode. I am actually thankful that the
older twit did not want the ol' lavahead to work on the computers. I surmise
that if I had been a young stud like The Bull, then the twit would have
wrote out a blank check. The question remains ... why would a young stud
want to be in the company of that old cow?
The time that was wasted at the old cow's office
left little time for Paul to complete the project he was working on back
on his boat. That left no time to prepare dinner. So, he decided that we
would go out to dinner. Baby and her daughter arrived on time. Paul and
Barbara were dying for good pizza. Upon the recommendation of one of the
old timers at the yacht club, we found ourselves in Kaimuki at an obscure
pizza joint. The pizza was excellent. Baby's daughter ate more than any
one of us. I brought this to the attention of baby using little discretion.
Barbara probably misunderstood my intentions, although this has been another
problem that baby has been grappling with concerning her daughter. After
dinner, we stopped at the supermarket. Paul bought some ice cream. We drove
back to the Ala Wai and enjoyed coffee and ice cream for dessert.
Sunday March 8
While I sat in my favorite chair, I could feel
the synaptic impulses of my neural networks misfire within the oversized
cranium. Is that a sure sign of insanity? I think so. That's basically
all I did this morning. I walked over to baby's place after lunch and spent
the rest of the afternoon there. Moms had invited baby and her daughter
for dinner. During dinner, moms told baby that she was a little lonely
today since no one else was around. I realized then that I would not be
returning to the mainland in the near future. I do not want moms to ask
the Ninja Turds to move back in, for one thing. I have had a nagging suspicion
for the last few weeks that moms is beginning to realize her mortality.
Of course, this is something that I have been grappling with myself. The
sinister kahuna has finally put me in the ultimate no-win situation.
My inability to find employment necessitated by my huge debt will ultimately
determine my demise. If I remain in Hawai'i, I will be unemployed forever
and I will run into serious problems with the loan people. If I move to
the mainland, I will be responsible for moms' demise. My decision is to
remain in Hawai'i. I will just have to find a way to cope with my demons.
I have led a tomented life for over four decades. What's another decade?
Monday March 9
Little by little, the stress is overpowering my
senses. Extremely minor things are getting on my nerves. The whole situation
is reminiscent of some kind of pathetic water torture or, worst yet, endless
pacing. The classical music emanating from the Bose Wave radio only adds
to the psychotic ambiance. It's just me, moms and the roaches. I am beginning
to lose track of time, and I'm not talking about minutes. Days are blending
into weeks. Weeks blend into months. I overheard a guy at the gym talking
about how it took him two months to find work. He just moved back to Hawai'i
from the mainland. He said that he had sent out over 100 résumés
before he left. The punchline ... he's a dentist. Sheesh!
I Turn ...
Baby called me after she came home from work. I
wanted to go to Kahala Mall just so that I could do something different,
so she and her daughter joined me. We spent an hour there. I bought a shorter
cable to hook up the Bose Wave to the antenna amplifier I bought a few
months ago. Baby shopped for clothes and her daughter spent time at the
Sanrio Surprises store. This may not seem too exciting to most people but
it sure beats caulking the bathtub.
Tuesday March 10
More of the same. Too much of the same. As I am
doing the repairs and painting, I find that I am walking back and forth
either for supplies or tools. Why don't I just put them all in one place
like right where I'm working? I don't know. I'm beginning to think that
I secretly desire to do some meaningless pacing. Pacing is something one
does when one is losing his or her mind. Psychomotor agitation is what
it's called. Back and forth. Back and forth. All the while, a piece by
Bach is playing in the background on the Bose Wave radio. I unplug and
wrap up the Bose radio every night because I do not want the roaches crawling
all over it. That's right. Do you see why I'm losing it?
I installed Visual Basic (VB) on my computer. Since
my computer is not good for much else, I thought that I would turn it into
a development workstation. I'm going to design a VB project, although I
have no idea what that project will be. Of course, LoserNet will make that
project available for downloading from the Web when it is completed. Baby
and her daughter came by to visit while I was installing VB. They visited
with moms while I was putzing around with the computer. Once a computer
nerd, always a computer nerd.
Wednesday March 11
Moms has been fretting over a piggy bank that
has been conspicously absent since the Ninja Turds moved out. The piggy
bank was full of old silver coins, although the value of the coins is dubious.
Moms has no idea concerning the whereabouts of the piggy bank. At first,
she thought that a thief entered the house and specifically stole the piggy
bank. That was an unlikely scenario. However, I am not about to guess the
present disposition of the piggy bank. Moms has also been spraying Raid
on everything in sight. She even sprayed all the cupboards that the dishes
were in. Now, the dishes have to sit on the dining table for three weeks
until the potency of the insecticide subsides.
I called Fujitsu technical support again. Once
again, we ran through the uninstall and install process. Dial-Up Networking
still doesn't work. And, once again, I was told that a senior technician
would call me back within a day. Yeah, right. The last resort will be to
send the computer to the mainland for service. Do you see why people go
berserk and perforate everything in sight with an Uzi? Fortunately, this
was Barnes & Noble night. There's nothing like a good cup of decaf
and an expensive, stale blueberry muffin to make a bad day better.
Thursday March 12
After a two-hour bus ride to Sand Island, I was
privy to an equally unnerving meeting. Barbara (Paul's wife) had arranged
for the ol' lavahead to meet with the senior management of the company
she works for in order to discuss the possibility of a consulting contract.
The project, as I was to understand, involved the upgrading of various
workstations to Windows 95 in a peer-to-peer network environment as well
as diagnosing system-wide problems. Another consultant was to sit in. The
other consultant, as it turns out, was the alleged mainframe specialist.
The central hub of the information system is an IBM AS/400 mainframe connected
to workstations via simple terminal emulation. Steve, the so-called consultant,
is a bug-eyed geek whose resemblence to the Budweiser frogs is uncanny.
The focus of the meeting quickly turned into a job interview with Steve
in command. I call him Frogger. Rather than discuss the needs of the company,
the management and Frogger decided that it was best to grill me on my knowledge
of mainframe computers primarily the AS/400. Why grill me about the mainframe?
Isn't that Frogger's baby? My assessment of the situation is that Frogger
has established an empire, albeit a small one, based on the antiquated
AS/400. Most likely, the various programs are written in Cobol which makes
them non-compliant to Year 2000 standards by default. I should have just
told Frogger to not get froggy with me. After making me look totally ignorant,
Frogger decided to terminate the meeting. His empire will remain intact.
It does little good for me to constantly revert
to a cynical assessment of my struggle to gain meaningful employment. For
one thing, all of these fools like Frogger have jobs. They are bringing
home the bread. I am the one standing alone in the bread line. In the meantime,
I am continuing with my Visual Basic crash course. This weekend, I will
attend a job fair for a local hardware chain. I will try to get a minimum
wage job that requires no thinking. The extent of my decision-making process
will be limited to ... "Where are the hammers?" ... "They are over in aisle
thirty-five." Is this my call, or what?
Friday March 13
Can you believe that Frogger? What a maroon! Only
in Hawai'i can you see fossils like him cavorting around and claiming to
be consultants. I may have to change my line of consulting. Perhaps I should
advise people on how to attain total stupidity. Actually, I'm already too
late. Frogger beat me to the punch. Sheesh! As you can probably guess,
no one in Fujitsu technical support ever called me back. I surmise that
I cannot count on getting any support from the technical support team.
The last technician I talked to had suggested that both the PC Card slots
have gone bad. I am not convinced. The PC Card slots were working fine
prior to when I crashed the system. I know that Fujitsu had some kind of
third-party PC Card socket services software installed called CardWorks.
The Fujitsu technical support people are adamant that CardWorks is not
the solution. Why was it installed in the first place then? Of course,
what do I know? I can't even get a job! I'm the dunce. Did you notice that
DUN, the acronym for Dial-Up Networking, is part of the word "dunce"?
Saturday March 14
I have run out of material to discuss. I mean,
what is there to talk about? The job situation? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Oh
brother. My mind has already turned to mush. Last night, I read some of
the Visual Basic documentation. I haven't got the foggiest idea of what
I was reading. I'm sure that I wasn't in coma. Perhaps Frogger did me a
favor. He has enabled me to see that I am just a layman when it comes to
computers. Beyond the power switch, I just don't know what to do. Maybe
that's why Dial-Up Networking isn't working. Maybe I put the card in the
slot backwards. Well, hey! I'm a dunce! For my next trick, I'll be trying
to put a square peg in a round hole.
Well, still no sign of the elusive piggy bank.
Whassup wi' dat? Maybe the sinister kahuna took it. Sheesh! I spent
the afternoon at baby's place. We went shopping in Kuapa Kai. I had to
buy a few more supplies for the house painting and repairing project. After
dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble for a relaxing evening. As usual,
I wasted my time by reading computer nerd magazines. What I really need
to do is read those Dummies and Complete Idiot books. That way I can learn
about computers and then I won't appear to be so dumb when I am grilled
by computer geniuses like Frogger. Is there an AS/400 for Dummies
Sunday March 15
Why is it that we need a 3,000-pound vehicle to
transport us around? This is the kind of nonsense I think about as I try
to make my way across the overcrowded streets of Hawai'i. Most people weigh
between 100 and 200 pounds. So, it makes no sense to be propelled along
by a 3,000-pound vehicle especially if one is just going down the street
to buy a 40-dog of King Cobra. Don't let the smooth taste fool ya!
I have been trying to assess my intelligence ever
since I faced a real live computer genius on Thursday. I confirmed that
he was a true computer nerd because he had that sickening pallor characteristic
of a cadaver. Maybe I need to bleach my skin or drink some embalming fluid.
I can see why people resort to violence. Right now, I can imagine myself
flying across the interview table and knocking Frogger to the floor. I
see my fists pummeling Frogger's head to and fro. At least when I'm done,
he'll have some color in his cheeks. Yowza!
Moms cooked up a feast in the kamado. Baby
and her daughter came for dinner. After dinner, baby and moms chatted for
quite awhile. I sat in the former "warehouse" and listened to the Bose
Wave radio until baby's daughter came in to talk. Apparently, baby's daughter
is coming of age quickly. She has already developed an interest in boys.
Ho boy! All in all, it was a pleasant evening. Tomorrow, I will return
once again to the pathetic world of the unemployed.
Monday March 16
Baby took the ol' lavahead out to dinner tonight
at Roy's to celebrate the two-year anniversary of our aquaintance. This
was the first time I actually ate a dinner that looked more like a sculpture.
I wasn't in a very festive mood. However, in retrospect, I have to admit
that the last two years have been interesting. The strange journey that
you may have also followed in these pages still continues. For the most
part, it is a psychological journey that borders on insanity as a result
of an extremely mundane existence. Where would I be today if it had not
been for my chance encounter with baby? Would I still be rotting away in
that hovel I called the Roach Motel? Without a doubt, there is a strange
comedic element to life that eludes us for the most part. It is not until
we finally assess that element in hindsight that we fully begin to appreciate
the unwitting choreography that subsequently occurs. Perhaps that is the
fine line of distinction between wisdom and ignorance.
Warming For Dummies
I gave baby my Office software package so that
she could give it to her friend as a gift. At least I know that it will
be put to good use. I am divesting myself of superfluous junks once
again. We already know the pattern, don't we? As the ship slowly sinks,
I quickly throw everything out except the anchor. The anchor in this case
is myself. Maybe I should plug the leak with my junks instead of
throwing them out. Well, that would depend on the size of the leak. So
far, it looks like the leak is bigger than the ship. What does that mean?
I guess I don't even have a ship. It's just me, the anchor, sinking. Lord
Tuesday March 17
As I was looking through the classifieds in the
newspaper, I saw that a notice appeared for a job I applied for a few weeks
ago. Although I was granted a telephone interview, I was told that someone
else already was hired for the position. So, what happened? I am beginning
to realize that most of the jobs that I have applied for are back in the
paper including the ones I had actual interviews. I surmise that most candidates
will say anything to get the job. I never overstate my abilities which
is probably why I continue to warm the bench. When the interviewing process
is designated to incompetent duffers like Frogger, it is easy to see why
the so-called system has gone awry.
Where is he now?
Potato Head continues to pursue his acting career and other on-going obligations
with Burger King. And, he now serves on the Board of Directors of LoserNet.
He has been instrumental in the restructuring of LoserNet and is committed
to catupulting the modest Web site into the next century. Mr. Potato Head
is also the chairperson of the Down With Duffers international campaign.
Baby apparently ate some contaminated food for
lunch because she was sick for most of the day. The risk of food poisoning
in Hawai'i is great because many of the local food places sell bento-style
plate lunches. The food items are not always maintained at the proper
temperatures to minimize bacteria growth.
Wednesday March 18
I don't think that I have ever come this close
to insanity. I am beside myself to find a solution. Perhaps I should read
the journal archive. It seems to be a natural time killer. One problem
with reading the old journals is that I begin to miss the old days. I also
begin to think back even before this chronicle. Alas, if only the Web had
been around then. The real adventure began when I left for the mainland
at age seventeen. All sense of order went out the door. I have never led
an exciting life per se. Yet, the adventures would have made interesting
daily reading material. I enjoyed my life back then even amidst adversity.
Life was an adventure because I surrounded myself with an interesting cast
of characters. I eventually knew that it would come to an end sometime.
There is some kind of magic in Convalescent City, though. No one ever wants
to leave and most that do eventually return. The Master, Big John, Tom,
Steph, and The Bull are still there. My homey Skip has just moved back.
Ibo (John in Modesto) and I are probably the only wayward sons. Sheesh!
I am still waiting by the phone in the hope that someone will call and
offer me a lot of dough for that valuable Mrs. Miller album. Just kidding!
Mrs. Miller is not available on CD ... that should tell me something.
Thursday March 19
Like the true psycho that I am, I removed Visual
Basic from my computer. I wasn't getting anywhere with it. I've decided
that I need to learn Java instead. The whole situation is ludicrous. I
must continue to learn new technologies to remain competitive in the computer
field but I don't even have a job. The whole situation is affecting my
fragile mental state. I have not gone anywhere in days. I've lost the desire
to do anything except to sit and stare at the wall. I reckon that I have
about two weeks before I lapse into a coma or a catatonic stupor. Why did
it come to this? I'm a loser, that's why! Sheesh! To show you what kind
of nut I am, I have been mentally rewording the song by Madonna, Like A
Virgin, into my version called, Like A Loser. My demise is near,
ladies and gentlemen.
I have been playing Windows Solitaire with increased
vigor. I play that moronic game for at least five hours straight on a daily
basis usually at night. Instead of replying to e-mail or looking for a
job, I have opted to sit at the computer and lose thousands of dollars
in virtual dough. There is something sinister about Windows Solitaire.
I noticed before that when I have an extremely bad day I tend lose a lot
of dough. Since every day is now a bad day, I lose hella dough. This is
the ultimate put down.
Friday March 20
I uninstalled Lotus SmartSuite 97 because it was
taking up too much space on my hard drive. Consider that I only use it
to type up my résumés and cover letters. Heck, I can use
WordPad for that. I also set up my Personal Web Server so it actually functions
like a real server. I enabled both ASP and FrontPage extensions. Sounds
stupid, doesn't it? Even more stupid is the fact that I will soon have
to use the publishing facility to update the server on my computer. The
reason for all of this madness is simple. I need to revamp my sloppy procedures
and use the proper system administration protocol even though my prototype server
resides on my pathetic notebook computer. This will be necessary for the
site renovations that are slated for LoserNet.
Alas, my computer nerd days are numbered. I had
a brief lunch meeting with the president of the company that Barbara works
for. As usual, I came across like a putz. I was not able to articulate
any of my thoughts. In essence, I sounded like a true idiot, which leads
me to believe that I am a true idiot. So, I have decided to change career
paths. I will become a minimum wage peon. Computers will be just a hobby
for me. That's okay by me. There won't be a need for me to learn Visual
Basic or Java. Who really cares about either language? The Web is already
a vast wasteland of banal crap for the short attention span theater crowd.
Frogger can keep his empire as long as the toad doesn't try to get froggy
with the ol' lavahead.
Saturday March 21
Baby and I spent most of the afternoon at Kahala
Mall. Baby's daughter was part of the hula performance on the center stage.
We missed the bus headed for home by mere seconds and ended up at Barnes
& Noble. Upon finally arriving at home, baby immediately began cooking
dinner. Paul and Barbara were due to arrive in just a couple of hours.
I did some weeding out in the yard.
The dinner turned out very nicely. We spent the
rest of the evening chatting. Paul and Barbara will be leaving next month.
They have decide to stop in Kau'ai for two weeks. Then, they will leave
for Alaska and ultimately end up in Washington state. They are happy about
leaving Hawai'i. Their experience here has not been what they expected.
Hawai'i is truly Paradise lost.
I called Fujitsu technical support yesterday. I
wanted to know why no one ever called me back. I was told that the technician
who was handling my problem went on vacation. I then requested a copy of
the third-party PC Card socket services application that is missing from
my computer. It was supposed to be e-mailed as an attachment to me. Where
Sunday March 22
Everything is in stasis as I sit waiting. Waiting
for what? I suppose that I am waiting for my savior. Why else would I
sit here like a slug when everything is coming apart at the seams? I never
made it to the City Mill job fair a week ago. I discovered that there
will be a Starbuck's job fair this coming Tuesday. I will be there. I have
no choice at this point in time.
By the way, many thanks to everyone who has written
in. I find great consolation in the notes of encouragement. Sometimes that
is all that keeps me from jumping into the abyss of insanity. Replying
to e-mail has, of course, been added to the growing stack of things that
I have neglected to take care of. Painting has also gone to the wayside.
After I discovered that I was applying primer instead of the finish coat
in the bathrooms, I just about retired from painting. Instead, I continue
to divest myself of my worldly possession. I have reduced my clothes to
just a few necessary items. Everything that I do not need is either going
to the Salvation Army or to the recycler. I have even boxed up the Bose
Wave radio. It has only been distracting me. My amusement with the technological
aspects of the Bose Wave radio has only added another factor into my procrastination.
Sitting here and wondering how the little three-inch drivers reproduce
great sound does little to solve my dilemma.
Monday March 23
I hate paperwork. I am talking about useless paperwork
like job applications and tax forms. I cannot believe how many forests
have been leveled just to justify the purchase of file cabinets. Have you
noticed those antiquated pieces of bureaucratic furniture? Do you ever
see anyone perusing any archived files? For the most part, a file cabinet
is a catch-all repository to maintain the minimal level for a legal contingency.
Otherwise, it is just a kind of pergatory for paperwork that will eventually
end up in semi-eternal damnation in a landfill. Or, they are a time bomb
waiting to go off. When we find ourselves embroiled in litigation of sorts,
this vast database has a way of resurfacing from the landfill. Perhaps
that is why I have a stack of paperwork that has been awaiting completion
for months. Why is paperwork so important in our society? Sometimes I have
to agree with the principles of the Montana Freemen. Anonymity has its
I cannot blame all of my ills on society. In retrospect,
I see that I molded my destiny through my own ineptness. For not being
an existentialist, I sure have wasted a lot of time in useless internal
existential banter. I have consumed myself with the useless details of
the mundane and the banal. I have never succeeded in moving beyond the
point of observation. Endless observation. LoserNet has provided the reader
with an insight into the fragmented thinking process of the ol' lavahead.
This process can be extrapolated over a much longer period of time. I am
also an egghead. I have an undergraduate degree in engineering and a graduate
degree in business. I have only to complete my thesis to receive a second
graduate degree in education. The thesis, however, has an uncanny and generic
similarity to paperwork. Eventually, I wanted to seek out a doctorate in
clinical psychology but that ambition waned amidst my growing debt.
As I look back, I remember taking one of those
required classes ... Philosophy 201. I was prepared to spend the
whole term in suspended mental animation like my classmates. After all,
this was another basket weaving class we were forced to take, right? As
it turned out, I came to enjoy the class because the instructor was interesting.
He spent a total of five minutes on the actual course material per session.
The rest of the time, he went off on a discourse about anything he felt
like discussing. Naturally, he was winging it. Unlike the others in the
class, I was not dissatisfied. I got my money's worth ... I discovered
my true call in life. Here I am!
Tuesday March 24
What a day I'm having! Remember that line from
SCTV? Probably not. One has to be a real fossil to remember such
trivia. However, one of my favorite comedians, John Candy, was a cast member.
And, remember Dave Thomas playing the part of Bill Needle? If you happen
to see a rerun, take note of Bill Needle's glasses. I need a pair just
like that. Sheesh! I took the bus to town right after lunch. I had an interview
for a faculty position at another private university. The university's
policy is to keep the administrative staff outside of the interview process.
Hence, I was interviewed by one of the contract faculty members. He asked
me a series of questions that were on a standardized form. Every candidate
would be asked the same questions. I pathetically stumbled through the
line of questioning with equally pathetic responses. As I babbled incoherently,
I could see that my interviewer was not impressed. The interview ended
abruptly. This seems to be the rule rather than the exception in my case.
I was distraught about my disappointing performance. I then knew that my
choices in life are whittling down to nothing. I decided that I had to
go to the Starbuck's job fair. Baby went along with me after work. I filled
in an application and interviewed with a recruiter. Oddly, I performed
much better. However, I don't believe that I will be given an offer.
The rest of the evening was choreographed by the
sinister kahuna. We walked to Ala Mo's and looked around briefly.
Rather than wait for the bus that would take us to the transfer point,
we walked. We made it there just in time to see our bus leaving. So, we
walked to next bus stop where a Jack in the Box was conveniently located.
I had an extremely greasy Jumbo Jack just to quell my upset stomach. My
so-called life is probably giving me an ulcer. We caught the next available
bus, although that bus would require us to walk a few more blocks than
the one we missed. Of course, when we arrived at our destination, it started
raining heavily. I was soaking wet by the time I stepped in the door. Moms
was still up even though it was late. I tried to call baby to see if she
wanted to come over for dinner. She did not answer. I feared that she may
have locked herself out again as she did yesterday. I had to remove the
window and climb in. So, I walked over to her place. She evidentally had
just gotten home because she stopped and waited for the rain to subside
instead of getting drenched like the ol' lavahead. We had a nice, hot dinner
Fujitsu technical support sent me the CardWorks
patch this morning. Of course, this was not what I requested. I already
have the patch. Fortunately, I received the actual CardWorks application
late this evening. I installed CardWorks and the modem is now operational.
Banal and fitting, isn't it?
Wednesday March 25
I have begun the dismal task of migrating all
of my files back onto my new computer. It's hard to believe that all of
this could have been avoided. My cell phone is rapidly approaching doorstop
status. The battery is only holding a charge for about 8 hours. Aside from
slapping it a couple of times, I have opted to leave its power on and keep
it cradled in the battery charger permanently. If it explodes, who cares?
My printer has also been giving me grief. In printing just one page, the
printer wasted about five sheets of paper. This is typical. Frankly, I
just couldn't take it anymore so I slapped the printer a couple of times.
It still prints but the mechanism now makes some unusual noises. If it
breaks, who cares? This is a throw away society. All of my possessions
are disposable items. I was once fooled into believing that I should take
care of the stuff I own. Not anymore. Naturally, unlike people who are
gainfully employed, I will never be able to replace anything that breaks.
Who cares? Sheesh! Have you wondered why people always slap or shake things
when they don't work? This kind of behavior has its origins in the vacuum
tube era. When the pins of the tubes developed some corrosion, the tube
could often be jiggled in its socket to restore operation. Slapping the
appliance itself had an indirectly similar result without having to open
the device. Slapping contemporary appliances does little to correct any
problems. For the most part, it causes irreparable damage. Some people
have carried this idea too far with the belief that the same solution will
also "repair" other people's poor behavior.
I have finally removed Windows Solitaire from my
computer. I have wasted far too much time with that useless game. Now,
I am in search of the shareware version of Duke Nukem. This game
should be far more educational and beneficial to my future welfare. Seriously,
what good is that game and other games of that genre when a 13-year-old
kid and his 11-year-old cousin can go on a homicidal rampage at a school
in Arkansas? Game producers argue that people should know the dinstinction
between fantasy and reality. Do they? If one spends several hours per day
engaged in a virtual homicidal rampage, then it is a reality. What is the
distinction between reality and virtual reality? The computer? Maybe I
should reconsider my hasty decision to remove Windows Solitaire. Rather
than break out an Uzi when I lose it, I may just be tempted to throw decks
of cards at everyone.
Thursday March 26
the countdown to the end of the month continues, I find myself doing less
and less as each day passes. What exactly do I have to do? I could go into
further debt and plan a vacation trip to Cali. A reunion with the old gang
may prove to be therapeutic. Perhaps I should schedule a reunion with my
old friend, a 40-dog of King Cobra. Why not? I could go on vacation without
leaving my favorite chair. After dropping back a few bottles, I'd be in
a Club Med vacation of my own at a fraction of the cost. Call it Club Cobra.
What a plan! After about a year in Club Cobra, my liver will probably give
out and I'll be on permanent vacation. That may be a much more viable option
than my only other alternative ... incarceration. Intoxication or incarceration
... decisions, decisions. Heck, if I play my cards right, I could have
it all. Well, hey! Don't let the smooth taste fool ya!
Friday March 27
I decided to take a day off from my usual psychosis.
I basically did nothing except vegetate in my favorite chair. First, I
should mention that my favorite chair is one of the dilapidated pieces
of furniture in the former "warehouse." Moms keeps a sheet over it so no
one can see all of the holes in the fabric. I find it extremely comfortable.
I happened to read a book that baby's daughter lent me called Mostly
Harmless, written by Douglas Adams. I have not done any reading in
a long time with the exception of a few computer nerd books. I can't even
remember the title of the last fiction book I've read. Pathetic, isn't
it? My so-called day off did, in fact, help me out. I was able to put the
brakes on a situation that was rapidly moving out of my locus of control.
In a nutshell, I was losin' it. Everything is still going to hell in a
handbasket with the exception of my mind. That, in and of itself, is marked
progress. Yes, I am broke. Yes, I am unemployed. Yes, I am a loser. However,
I'm a fortunate loser. I could be living out on the streets. I could have
let my mind go out to lunch. I could have destroyed more than just my printer.
Lord have mercy!
Saturday March 28
I managed to install a couple of new light fixtures
in the house. I replaced the old ones which were disintegrating due to
extreme corrosion and rust. I also completed a few other small projects
around the house which made this a productive day. In fact, this is the
most I have done in quite a few days. This is also the most calm I've been
in several weeks.
Sunday March 29
Baby and I spent went to Kahala Mall for the afternoon.
We did a little shopping and eventually ended up at Barnes & Noble.
Baby also bought a Sade CD for the ol' lavahead. I now have three CDs in
my collection. That shows you exactly how mendicant I really am. I want
to add to my CD collection discretely. Well, hey! I'm a discriminating
kind-of-a-guy! Actually, I cannot afford to spend dough on CDs that become
obsolete within hours of purchase. I look back at all of the rap CDs that
I bought during my days at the Roach Motel. I ended up selling the collection
for pennies on the dollar. I've done that several times with various collections.
I don't know why. I put together a nice collection of CDs and then I decide
to just get rid of everything. Perhaps I've already lost it and I suffer
from recurring bouts of psychosis. After I take my prescribed dosage of
Xanax, I get a grip and return to reality. However, I must not remember
that I take the Xanax because I'm a psycho. Thus, in my "normal" phase,
I just think that I'm a regular guy in a loser's body, whereas the fact
of the matter is that I'm a psycho on the verge of losing it and committing
acts of mayhem. It is plausible, isn't it? Now I will have to ransack the
house to find where I keep the Xanax to prove whether this is true or not.
Monday March 30
I have decided to put a few of the mundane aspects
of my life into some semblance of order. For one thing, I want to relieve
myself of the myriad credit cards that I have amassed over the years. Perhaps
there exists a paranoid element to my mania which fuels the motivation
behind this senseless act. I want to remove myself from the world's databases.
I want to become a total non-entity. If I had the dough, I would legally
change my name to Joe Lavahead or something similarly moronic. Then, I
would disappear without a trace.
I have set the phone answering machine to answer
after two rings. I also told moms that she should just let the answering
machine take the calls because of the increase in phone solicitations.
Moms has not readily adjusted to this. She and her friends are from an
era when the phone was not considered an instrument of torture. I can see
why some people develop phone phobia. I am getting that way myself. In
fact, I'm becoming a walking pychopathological nightmare. Sheesh! I really
need to clean up my act before I take the show on the road, if you know
what I mean.
Tuesday March 31
It is hard to believe that another month has elapsed
and this pathetic chronicle is still around. This is all that LoserNet
has to offer insofar as timely content is concerned. LoserNet has stagnated
to the point of total obsolescence. Then, again, there really isn't much
to add. This is what is known as the Webmaster's Dilemma. Someone got the
bright idea that the Web and the tube are one and the same. In the end,
the majority of Web sites converged on one aspect of the human psyche that
we have come to know too well ... consumerism. The Web is just one big
catalog. Our lives should be one big shopping spree. Take a look at how
many catalogs arrive in your mailbox unsolicited. Then, let's assess how
much time we spend perusing those catalogs. The problem is that there is
only so much content that can be generated on a daily basis and
that content is either of the news or opinion genre. We don't want to read
someone else's opinions unless that someone is a somebody. When
a nobody like the ol' lavahead attempts to wax philosophic about life,
no one listens. Everything is vanity. Catering to the Net masses has spawned
a whole industry replete with Web developers and site designers. Without
the short attention span theater crowd, there would be no industry. The
Net has come a long way, the pundits say. With what? The Internet phone?
Push technology? Oh brother.
I feel my sanity slipping again as I sit and ponder
what I will do in life. I received a slam letter from the university I
interviewed with last week. Not surprising. Who cares? I am much calmer
than I was last week. What is there to fret about anyway? Even when I eventually
settle for a so-called peon job, I'll still be able to make my loan payments.
I'll even be able to save money because, aside from the Bose Wave radio,
I don't need much more. Finally, I need to thank everyone who has dropped
a few line to the ol' lavahead including all regulars, John (firstname.lastname@example.org),
Cheryl (email@example.com), and John (firstname.lastname@example.org).
The April Fool Awaits
More banality is on the menu here at Losernet.
Can we usher in the new millenium with the same old nonsense? That is then,
this is now. See what 'Apelila (April) brings
to the banality table in the next unexciting episode.
The Keeper of Lost Lives: Banality98
© Copyright 1998 by The Keeper of Lost Lives
LoserNettm Love It, or Lose It.