LoserNet Dot Loser
. . . An Impossible Reality
LoserNettmLove It, or Lose It.

A man caught between his life goal of becoming a monk
and the world of debauchery around him ... which will prevail?

The Life and Times of a 41-Year-Old Virgin and The Keeper of Lost Lives probably comprise the longest running Web journal in existence. The collective works of the oversized cranium came about quite on a whim. The tortured neighbor of The Loser Living Upstairs, admittedly a bigger loser, embarked on a journey of brow-beating self-revelation with the goal of sharing as much of the excrutiating and painful experience as possible without putting everyone to sleep.

The journey began in Convalescent City, a small town located along the serene Central California coastline. Picturesque and idyllic, Convalescent City could have easily been mistaken for a retirement community. Little did anyone know that this obscure little town would become the original home of LoserNet.

Come with us now and join the amazing cast of thousands including Loser, The Bull, the Bishop, the Cardinal and the oversized cranium as we bumrush the realm of the mundane and the relatively unknown. No other Web site dares to take you there. Then again, no other Web site pushes the envelope of sanity.

The Life and Times of a 41-Year-Old Virgin
Part One Part Two
The Life and Times of a 41-Year-Old Virgin premiered here on June 12, 1995. See what happens when the guy who lived below The Loser Living Upstairs gets his own show!

The Return of the 41-Year-Old Virgin
Part One Part Two Part Three
The saga of the 41-year-old virgin continues with even more unexciting adventures! Who else can live a life like this?

Welcome Back 42-Year-Old Virgin!
Part One Part Two
Join the 41-year-old virgin as he turns 42, but it's not over yet! He's on the downhill slide to reality!

Eunuchs or UNIX: The Monk Years
Part One Part Two
It's not really a new season. It's the ol' eunuch rambling on too much! And as we all know, that's what he does best!

The Keeper of Lost Lives
Part One Part Two
What? Not another season of the ol' eunuch? Yes ... he is compelled to go on, ad nauseam, about his non-existence.

The 41-Year-Old Virgin discovered that his true call was to become The Keeper of Lost Lives, a jack of all trades and a master of none. In keeping with The Keeper's call, the mental sojourn transformed to a physical trek that eventually put the ol' lavahead on the Oregon trail.

The Journey to Nowhere
Part One Part Two Part Three
The Keeper of Lost Lives takes the show on the road. It is the ultimate journey ... the journey to nowhere.

Absolute Value Equals Zero
Part One Part Two
The uncertainty of life continues to befall the oversized lavahead. Continue on this perilous journey of the collective of lost lives.

Paradise Lost
Part One Part Two Part Three
The Keeper is on the move again. This time, he moves to Hawai'i to seek fame and fortune. Join the ol' lavahead as he continues his journey and meets his new nemisis, the sinister kahuna. Ho boy!

To Tofu ... With Love, Julie Newmar
Part One Part Two Part Three
Does it get better than this? Not even sure if he will find a new ISP, the ol' lavahead still insists on starting up a whole new chapter.

The face of stone makes the final journey home to Hawai'i, but all is not Paradise. Everything has changed ... for the worst. And, the ol' lavahead's many years as a loser only served to expedite his demise. With nowhere else to turn, he must face the proverbial music. As we'll find out, facing the music is best accomplished with a Bose Acoustic Wave music system.

Hele On, Braddah!
Part One Part Two Part Three
Who could have said it better than Lippy Espinda? The Keeper makes the journey home ... this time for keeps. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

Stop This Island ... I Wanna Get Off!
Part One Part Two Part Three
Is the island life too much for The Keeper to handle? Maybe it's time for him to pack it in, or maybe it's time for him to get a lobotomy.

Return of the Stoneface Mack
Part One Part Two Part Three
From wage slavery to the Ninja Turds, life has continued to move in a circuitous fashion that leads to nowhere. Can a new computer placate The Keeper? Or, is he about ready to make his debut on America's Most Wanted?

Part One Part Two Part Three
It's not software ... it's vaporware! Really, it's The Keeper's commitment to provide the best of nothing.

bumrush da fools!
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four
The journal written on an "as needed" basis? The ol' lavahead running for Governor? Say it ain't so! Losin' it hasn't been this boring in a long time.

City of Dreams
Part One Part Two Part Three
There's a quiet place somewhere. A place where the mind can relax. A place where life truly has a purpose. But, where can it be? It's in your mind, my friends. It's the City of Dreams.

Follow the adventures of the ol' lavahead as he continues the downhill slide. Experience the debilitating and humiliating existence of a true loser as resists his ultimate destiny ... becoming the ultimate hamburger engineer at Burger King. What else could he do? He has no talents and absolutely no skills. He can't even write worth a damn. Well, hey! He's a loser! And, this is LoserNet! Continue the journey in Old Man Noises and Other Strange Tales.